back to article 'Nun' drops goat head on pavement outside Cheltenham 'Spoons

Christians enjoy reminding the heathens, atheists and sinners who share this world that they're all going to Hell. Whether it's by peppering conversation with Bible quotes or just a little smug smile, we know what they're thinking. For those closer to God, however, holding one's tongue can sometimes get too much. One den of …

  1. spold Bronze badge

    That's the trouble with them Weatherspoon dinner specials - one minute goat head next minute nun left

    1. macjules Silver badge
      Coat

      Luckily it wasn’t in Nuneaton then.

  2. Bassey

    Alternative interpretation

    You are assuming some malicious intent which seems unfair. The Nun could simply have been taking a Goat's head to her preferred place of worship for a perfectly normal religious ceremony which happened to required the use of a goats head. She dropped it on the way past Weatherspoons and, having realised her mistake, popped back to collect it. Nothing weird, awful or nefarious to see here. Please carry on with your ordinary lives.

    1. Steven Raith
      Devil

      Re: Alternative interpretation

      You'd notice the weight change in a bag should the goats head fall out.

      Er, I imagine.

      Ahem.

      Steven R

      1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

        Re: Alternative interpretation

        Holy Goats heads might vary....

      2. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

        Re: Alternative interpretation

        If you're carrying a whole body, it's bloody heavy, and you might not notice the loss of a head.

        ..so my friend told me

    2. David 132 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Alternative interpretation

      Damn government interfering with our right to drop goat's heads on the pavement. It's the nanny state at work again.

      1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Alternative interpretation

        It's the nunny state at work again.

        FTFY.

        1. David 132 Silver badge

          Re: Alternative interpretation

          I can't stand these capri-corny puns!

    3. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge

      Re: Alternative interpretation

      Quite.

      I read this story as simple embarrassment, myself. She thought she was meeting people at "The Goats Head" so came prepared, realised on arrival it was "The Moon Under Water", panicked, and fled.

      .

      Lucky it wasn't my old local down in Chelsea: "The Goat in Boots". That'd've been a bugger to get into a duffel bag, kicking and bleating and lashing out with hobnails.

      1. David 132 Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Alternative interpretation

        Lucky it wasn't my old local down in Chelsea: "The Goat in Boots". That'd've been a bugger to get into a duffel bag, kicking and bleating and lashing out with hobnails.

        I'd have interpreted that one as encouragement to release the aforementioned goat in my nearest high-street pharmacy, but maybe that's just me. Would certainly liven up the queue at the eye-tests counter.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Alternative interpretation

        "Lucky it wasn't my old local down in Chelsea: "The Goat in Boots". That'd've been a bugger to get into a duffel bag, kicking and bleating and lashing out with hobnails"

        I was just helping the goat over the fence, m'lud

  3. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    Soup anyone?

    I would imagine that Wetherspoons will be going to hell in a hand-basket after the end of March anyway.

    1. Stevie Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Soup anyone?

      See what you did there. Pint for the reference.

  4. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge
    Coat

    As three consecutive verses of the lesser known hymn "Has anybody seen JC?" say:

    Had three loaves and two fish, fed five thousand, piece of piss!

    Oh JC, he's divine! He turned water in to wine!

    Oh JC, he's a queer! Should have turned it into beer!

    ( Mine's the Sunday best )

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe

    Someone is sick of Tim Martin's rabid Brexiteering and wanted payback? Bit hard on the Goat though.

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: Maybe

      If Tim Martin is getting hard on the Goat then it is even worse than I imagined!

      1. Ken 16 Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Maybe

        Are you suggesting he's entering Cameron territory?

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Maybe

      TBH, from the headline, I was expecting it to be some sort of scatalogical slang.

  6. DarkLordofSurrey
    Coat

    Someone with a nasty habit just kidding about....

  7. Chris King Silver badge

    Okay, so you linked to a movie, and didn't even bother with the obligatory Father Ted scene...

    NUNS ! NUNS ! REVERSE ! REVERSE ! REVERSE !

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Okay, so you linked to a movie, and didn't even bother with the obligatory Father Ted scene...

      And then there's the Blues Brothers with their "penquins" controlling things....

  8. tiggity Silver badge

    Martin the muppet

    My opinion of him has gone down further after seeing the pub was called "Moon under Water"

    .. that was George Orwells name of his fictitious ideal pub ... really cannot see a spoons pub being an ideal pub and it's rather presumptuous to use that pub name

    1. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

      Re: presumptuous

      I thought so too when it first opened. Having been in there once I'd be hard pressed to imagine it as anyone's ideal pub. Much better 'spoons in Stroud and Gloucester anyway if you're looking for something other than a proper pub.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Martin the muppet

      Is this a good time to tell you that Wetherspoon alone have over a dozen pubs called that, plus lord only knows how many others of the same name run by independents and the other MegaPubCorps?

      1. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge

        Re: Martin the muppet

        Big one on Leicester Square, for example.

    3. Andy Landy
      Big Brother

      Re: Martin the muppet

      there is another wetherspoons of the same name in manchester, though i wasn't aware of the orwell link...

    4. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

      Re: Martin the muppet

      There are a lot of Moon Under Water 'spoons.

      The one in Manchester isn't actually that bad provided you go Only In The Daytime. At night, being on Deansgate, it turns into a noisy scrumfest.

      'course, the area is hardly short of proper non chain pubs.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Martin the muppet

        Also one of the same name in Milton Keynes, though the beer's better in the original MK 'spoons nearer the station.

    5. Ken 16 Silver badge

      Re: Martin the muppet

      Room 101 was already trademarked by the Beeb?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The head is skinned

    Unlikely to be a nun. A nun would not skin it first.

  10. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    Is the nun on the run now? Has anybody checked on the whereabouts of Robbie Coltrane and Eric Idle?

  11. MJI Silver badge

    Proves that Cheltenham

    is not the posh place some people think it is.

    Behind the impressive older buildings it can be rather dumpy.

    And a Wetherspoons proves it.

    I only go for the model shop

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Proves that Cheltenham

      It is an excellent Model Shop and that particular Wetherspoons is definitely at the lower end of the drinking-barn scale.

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Proves that Cheltenham

        Yes Trevor does a good model railway section.

        I once met the Cambrian brothers there.

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Proves that Cheltenham

      I remember 'nam. Gooks left, right and centre. Charlie was everywhere.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Proves that Cheltenham

        Of course. Chelt'nam is posher than Viet'nam. That should read "Victor was everywhere".

        (Charlie as slang shorthand for Vietcong was an abbreviation of VC or Victor Charlie).

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Proves that Cheltenham

      The worst bit of Cheltenham is Hester's Way and that's basically equivalent to the nice bits in some towns.

      The worst thing about Cheltenham is not that it's a dump, it's just dull as fsck. (and full of posh twats)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Proves that Cheltenham

        Wrong. It's the football team. And us posh folk tend to live in the villages AROUND Cheltenham, rather than in the town itself.

        1. MJI Silver badge

          Re: Proves that Cheltenham

          They have a football team?

          Only sporting place I knew was at Kingsholm.

          Cheltenham did have some nice CNC machines in the old Dowty factory pre Cheltenham P&R

      2. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Proves that Cheltenham

        I nearly squashed a person on a bike there, wrong side of road, night, no lights, IDIOT!

    4. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge

      Re: Proves that Cheltenham

      > I only go for the model shop

      :O

      You can BUY them now!?!?!

      Dibs on Doutzen Kroes!

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Proves that Cheltenham

        Yes, you can!

        I have such fond memories of assembling things like this alongside my grandfather. He was a short man.

        1. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Proves that Cheltenham

          genius

      2. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Proves that Cheltenham

        One of the best in the area.

        That said I also knew the staff of Cotswold Models.

        Their tiny little staff room was decorated in pictures young women sent in to them.

        Good old days, two decent model shops in Gloucester and one in Cheltenham.

        Used to be 2 in Cheltenham and CMC shop manager was ex Gloucester Fletchers.

        Nowadays it is mail order from the producers or a couple of big sellers (including CMC).

    5. Brad Ackerman
      Pint

      Re: Proves that Cheltenham

      As far as the high-street chain pubs go I'm partial to Copa. For non-chain, The Gloucester Old Spot is in town, Seven Tuns is worth a drive, and plenty more.

      On the gripping hand, Wagamama stays in business despite 288 being roughly eleventy million times better, so there's no accounting for taste.

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Proves that Cheltenham

        Upvote for 7 Tuns

        I snapped both engine mounts there once, refitted engine by dropping clutch in reverse, bouncing it back.

        Do not run knackered engine mounts with tuned engines. I think I resorted to new ones after that.

      2. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Proves that Cheltenham

        Food

        Burger Star

        Great burgers

        1. Brad Ackerman

          Re: Proves that Cheltenham

          Burger Burger was quite good but IIRC it closed unexpectedly with a four-figure unpaid gas bill. (And, one would assume, an even larger VAT bill.)

  12. Glen 1 Bronze badge

    Baldrick's Dad

    It might have been Baldrick's dad.

    "What is your occupation? " The judge asked him

  13. AGITA018
    Coat

    Asking for a friend....

    Just wondering if goat heads are readily available and reasonably priced in Cheltenham?

    Asking for a friend....

    Mine's the one with the portal to eternal damnation in the pocket

  14. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    Christians enjoy reminding the heathens, atheists and sinners who share this world that they're all going to Hell.

    I've noticed that. Here they're supposed to be all new testament, forgiving, etc. yet they still have a need for hell. Why would a forgiving deity maintain a place for eternal damnation? It just doesn't jibe.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      One would assume that at six thousand years old, Hell is now a listed building.

      1. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge

        Owner's been trying to burn it down for years. Not working.

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Why would a forgiving deity maintain a place for eternal damnation

      He/she/it only forgives believers. So hell is for everyone else. Sort of like national politics these days... you're either with us or against us and those against us will_______ (fill in the blank).

    3. Adair

      Well, I've checked and I'm definitely a Christian and if this statement is intended to be taken seriously then it is utter bollocks.

      First of all there's this issue: All/most/many/some/a few Christians enjoy... Take your pick, which in reality do you suspect is closest to the truth? I've been a card carrying Christian for over forty years and have mixed with Christians around the world - I reckon 'some' would probably cover the reality, maybe even tending towards 'a few'.

      The there's the theological question: Are 'heathens, atheists and sinners who share this world... all going to Hell?' Short answer: No, not if we take seriously Jesus teaching. To start with, we're all 'sinners', so no one is ruled out of a toasty afterlife, and see below as to why being a 'heathen' or 'atheist' is rather beside the point.

      If we change the criteria to: Are arrogant, selfish, greedy, violent and hate fuelled people who deny the place of love in their lives, and deny it to others also going to Hell? Well, it certainly doesn't look good for people like that; the flag we fly under, whether 'Christian' 'Satanist', 'Atheist', or simply 'Human being' doesn't really matter.

      I'd still love to know what the fake nun was doing dropping a goats head outside Weatherspoons was all about. The symbolic significance is a bit opaque.

      1. Eddy Ito Silver badge

        That's just it, it's not very forgiving for anyone to have a "toasty afterlife". The old testament is different with the jealous, vengeful, grapes of wrath, fire, brimstone, etc. has a reason for a hell but the kinder, gentler, and most importantly forgiving new testament absolutely doesn't.

        No matter, I agree the goat's head thing is a bit odd unless a game of buzkashi went a bit awry.

        1. Adair

          Jesus' used 'Gehenna' - the rubbish dump outside the city walls of Jerusalem, where the fires were alwsys burning - as an evocative illustration of what happens to what is not fit for life in ybe presence of yhe source of life and love.

          It seems that whatever label we walk under - self-imposed or otherwise - we all have a chance to find out and put into practice the things that really matter and transform mere existance into life 'in all its fullness' - as the good book puts it. If 'hell' exists, it is a self-imposed consequence, no one to blame but ourselves.

      2. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

        Flag matters according to the bible

        Apparently the rule is a good person who has never heard of Jesus can go to heaven but people who have been told and reject the teaching go to hell no matter how good they are. For some reason it is fine for missionaries to send good people to hell but naughty them to send Christians to heaven.

        As I am an atheist I believe I cannot send anyone to heaven. Is it really wise to try to convince me otherwise? I would really love to sell tickets for an eternity in paradise - dated after the purchaser's death. I am convinced such behaviour would be fraud. If I got found guilty who else would need a good lawyer?

        1. veti Silver badge

          Re: Flag matters according to the bible

          You make a good point, which is why even the Catholics stopped selling indulgences in 1567.

        2. Adair

          Re: Flag matters according to the bible

          It depends on whose 'rule' you listen to, but it depends even more about what we decide 'love' is all about.

          As far as Jesus' teaching goes, it seems pretty clearly to boil down to 'those who put themselves in hell are those who refuse to love'. With the rider that it is important to be wise about what love is.

          Without being an exhaustive definition a fairly reasonable one is provided by Paul in 1Corinthians 13.1-13; and for an actual example, the life and teaching of Jesus is taken to be definitive by Christians, but plenty of other examples are available - hopefully even amongst our own families and friends.

        3. M.V. Lipvig
          Terminator

          Re: Flag matters according to the bible

          You're in luck then. When, as an atheist, you arrive in Hell, you'll find no shortage of lawyers to plead your case.

      3. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge
        Angel

        I thought Christians only hated kids?

        "Suffer little children" and all that.

        1. Adair

          I assume you are being witty, but in these peculiar times of fake news and ignorance one can never assume anything.

          So: 'suffer', can mean, and does in this instance, 'to allow'.

      4. batfink
        FAIL

        "We're all sinners"

        This is exactly the point. We're not "all sinners". "Sinning" is a construct of your religion, and in general seems to mean "acting outside the strictures we want to apply to you". Therefore, none of this applies to the rest of us.

        Even within Catholic history, there's been argument about the doctrine of original sin. Bede (unreliable of course) talks about the crushing of the Pelagian Heresy, by the usual religious method of killing people. The whole point of the crushing of that heresy was to make sure that the church controlled "access to heaven", and by extension, people's lives.

        So, please feel free to live your life as you like, but don't try to apply your narrow standards to everyone else.

        Of course, this makes me wonder what random goat-beheaders also class as "sin"...

    4. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

      Charles Dodgson ("Lewis Carroll", author of the Alice books), had this problem. And he was (a) a nice man and (b) had to be in holy orders to keep his place at Oxford.

      He eventually came to the conclusion, being a mathematician, that Hell existed - but was empty.

  15. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    Goat head gone soup

    Is the roadkill collecting guy still around?

  16. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Reminds me not to eat there.

    'I don't like goats anything'

    - The I.T Crowd

    couldn't find a vidclip, sorry.

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Re: Reminds me not to eat there.

      this one?

      https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/6ddea9f8-9e66-4b13-b204-e34a1694311a

  17. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Doubt it.

    These days, not a whole lot of real nuns are running about in pre-1960s full fig. Far more look like your average suburban grandma at the mall.

  18. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "It was about 10:30pm Saturday night and the goat head was just on the path outside Wetherspoon; everyone was just acting like normal."

    It must have had a sobering effect if everyone outside a pub at half ten on a Saturday nigh was acting normal.

  19. DropBear Silver badge

    Oh, no! Mr. Tumnus...!!!

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Oh, no! Mr. Tumnus...!!!

      No need to be fauning.

      1. David 132 Silver badge
        Coat

        No need to be fauning.

        That's narnia damn business.

  20. Pope John the 99th

    Probably just a scapegoat ;-)

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Happy

      Scrapegoat off the pavement, more like.

    2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      As I heard on early reality TV ( early Big Brother? )

      Escape goat.

      As in:

      You are making me out to be an escape goat.

  21. TRT Silver badge

    A head in a duffel bag?

    What happened to the other 7, then?

  22. adnim Silver badge
    Happy

    Christians enjoy reminding...

    the heathens, atheists and sinners who share this world that they're all going to Hell.

    And I like to remind them that I am having an awful lot of fun trying to get there.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pigs heads...

    ...are dinner for some.

    My wife and her friends drove 100km (each way) to collect a (huge) pig head. Cost a fair amount too, more than $40. Brought it home on the front passenger seat, popped it on the 'dirty kitchen' (outdoor) fireplace, and cooked it for dinner. I was strict vegetarian that evening.

    I'm not sure if they eat goat heads too. I've never seen it.

    1. Scroticus Canis Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: I'm not sure if they eat goat heads too. I've never seen it. - Oh Yes

      Go into any South African butchers and ask for a "smiley". It'll be a skinned sheep or goat head depending on locale. Cheek meat and the tongue are supposed to be good eating.

      I only ever used them for dog food, boil it till the teeth fall out.

      Oooo matching icon :)

    2. Joe W

      Re: Pigs heads...

      The Norwegians eat sheep's head. Slow roasted on a stick over a fire. Actually very nice meat, and I also feel we should use as much as possible of the animals we kill.

      Intestines are really weird though. Had that in Spain.

      1. Swarthy Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Pigs heads...

        Intestines? That's utter tripe, and sounds offal!

        ...Unless it's filled with ground meat and spices, then it is far from the wurst you could do. Only a brat would disagree.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pigs heads...

      Mannish water is a Jamaican goat head soup. It is believed to be an aphrodisiac

      (hence the name of the Stone's 'Goat's Head Soup' album, which was recorded in Jamaica)

      https://www.jamaicancookery.com/2017/11/jamaican-mannish-watergoat-head-soup.html

      https://www.newsamericasnow.com/caribbean-recipe-of-the-week-goat-head-soup/

  24. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    CGHQ

    Maybe the "nun" was an undercover agent trying to deliver it to the Cheltenham Goat Head Quarters but couldn't find the address.

    (Well, it's about as believable as the story)

  25. Steve 114

    Chaucerian

    So where was the 'Nun's Goats Tail'?

  26. veti Silver badge

    What intrigues me

    Note the phrasing "someone in a nun costume".

    There's an obvious suggestion that the witness never for one moment imagined that it was an actual nun. Why not? What else did they observe, that scuppered that possibility?

    1. GBE

      Re: What intrigues me

      [witness didn't think it was a real nun]

      Why not?

      Perhaps it wasn't a 90+ year old woman?

      There probably are a few nuns less than 90 years old, but you've got bet the odds...

  27. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
    Pirate

    In The Name Of The Father,

    The Nun & The Holy Goat.....

  28. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge

    DEFINITELY not 90 years old

    >It seems we will never know what truly happened that Saturday night beyond someone dropping a slab of offal on the pavement, and someone else having to pick it up.

    Someone creating a mess and expecting someone else to magically sort it out?

    Gotta be a Millennial.

    1. Ken 16 Silver badge

      Re: DEFINITELY not 90 years old

      or a leave campaigner?

  29. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    Perhaps she misunderstood 'holy ghost'

    1. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

      I ain't afraid,...

      ... of no goats.

  30. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

    "Just as likely a passer-by could have put it in the bin."

    Depends if it had horns or not, if it had horns, I'd have taken it home and added it to my collection. ...of skulls,.... a collection of _heads_ would be creepy.

  31. ukgnome Silver badge

    Now that's taking veganuary to a whole new level.

  32. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    Maybe it's an advert for Goat Compare?

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