back to article Border guards probe 'suspicious bulge' in man's trousers to find he's packing fluffies

Singaporean border officials were taken aback at just how happy one gent was to see them – particularly when the bulge in his trousers started mewling. Further inspection of the man's drawers revealed that not only was he excited to cross the border from Malaysia, but his package was also packing a full complement of kittens …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Who wouldn't be happy with that much pussy around?

    1. Korev Silver badge

      It's certainly gives you paws for thought....

    2. shedied

      and really really close to where it matters. For warmth. In a tropical destination.

      1. Korev Silver badge

        I'd imagine that the naughty gentlemen is feline a bit hot down there....

  2. TRT Silver badge

    Was the gentleman's name...

    Claude Balls by any chance?

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Was the gentleman's name...

      New keyboard please.

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge

      Re: Was the gentleman's name...

      Or perhaps 'Claude Bawles' for even MORE 'pun'-ishment.

      coat, please...

  3. Giovani Tapini

    I bet that gave the guards a paws for thought

    now that cat is out of the bag, so to speak...It clearly didn't take inspector Clawseu to discover them either..

  4. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    Real Men

    .... don't put pussies in their pants, they train with Ferrets.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Real Men

      So a Spartan then?

    2. EVP

      Re: Real Men

      Either way, was it kittens or ferrets, into such a training session real men go in, but unmen come out...

  5. Korev Silver badge

    IT setup?

    Did the customs systems use Tomcat?

  6. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Should have just put them down on the Malaysian side and had a confederate put down a saucer of milk on the Singapore side and shout "kitty kitty".

    1. xeroks

      is that a Generation Game reference?

  7. Khaptain Silver badge

    Bad images enter the mind

    I wonder how he was feeding that much pussy.

  8. Jay Lenovo Silver badge

    Border Crossing Rules and Regulations

    Trouser Cats: Prohibited

    Trouser Snakes: Allowed

  9. Cynic_999 Silver badge

    Looking for an IT angle here ... Suggestions?

    1. Mike Moyle Silver badge

      Other than something about "KitKat" and a "package manager"... I got nothin'.

      1. Dave559 Bronze badge

        IT angle?

        A nomination for the “unnecessary use of cat” award?

        1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

          Re: IT angle?

          Needs more upvotes. There must be a fair number of Reg old-timers who remember UUoC awards.

          1. Dave559 Bronze badge

            Re: IT angle?

            @Michael Wojcik: I'm glad somebody got the reference! :-)

    2. Anonymous Coward Silver badge

      They got rid of all the mice.

    3. TRT Silver badge

      His cable was supposed to be Cat 5?

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge

        in this case, only 'cat 4' (or kitten 4).

        This is a new twist on Hello Kitty underpants!

        And now I'm thinking of an Australian guy named 'Craig Turner' who did that 'how to stop cats pissing' video. And his 'Cat-apult'. And hammering stuff to look good on video.

        /me grabs coat, runs

        1. TRT Silver badge

          I believe it's still the same twisted pair though.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ideas for naming for a new Mac OS?

  10. TRT Silver badge


    ... the whereabouts of the budgie he was smuggling remains a mystery,.

  11. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge


    This is clearly an appalling infringement of this man's religious liberties!

    As he's obviously a cataholic.

    My coat? Why thank you. The large one over there, with the purring noises coming from the pockets.

    The IT angle is because in his trousers he had a mobile phone and a spare cattery...

    OK. Sorry. Really going this time...

  12. James Anderson


    ...did he not realise how sharp kitten claws are?

    1. Stevie Silver badge

      Re: Ouch

      Not until a passing janitor fired up his vacuum cleaner, at any rate.

    2. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Ouch

      There are worse things than kitten claws.

      Kitten teeth, for instance - and they do try to bite anything that moves.

  13. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Is that a kitten in your pants...

    Or are you just happy to see me?

    (And shouldn't this guy get cited for animal cruelty?)

  14. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    IT angle

    Were the moggies chipped?

  15. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Mrs Slocombe's Pussy

    "Oh, Mr. Rumbold, I hope this isn't going to take long. My pussy's been locked up for eight hours."

    "Do you know, I found my pussy trapped in my drawers."

  16. Stevie Silver badge


    Should have claimed his trousers were infested when nossir-not-my-kittens went for his string underwear.

    Nah. No-one would buy that tail of woe.

  17. EVP

    ”No no, officer, I’m not smugling. I always keep 5 kittents in my pants while onboard. You see, they keep mice away. No gnawed electrical wiring, great for aviation safety!”

    ”There are no mice in airplanes!”

    ”Well, works good then, doesn’t it?”

  18. Dr_N Silver badge

    Security guy was so surprised ...

    ... he probably had a stroke.

    Hope they didn't get ill travelling. Otherwise:

    Meow Cats What I Call Mew Sick

  19. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Cat o' nine tails

    The chap now faces a maximum $10,000 fine, a year behind bars, or both under Singapore's Animals and Birds Act,

    Were he to have transgressed in certain other jurisdictions, he may well have been forcibly acquainted with a Cat o' nine tails

    1. 's water music Silver badge

      Re: Cat o' nine tails

      ...Singapore's Animals and Birds Act...

      What do they call themselves?




      The Aristocrats (sic)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Cat o' nine tails

        The Aristocats would have been fine!

        (First film I ever saw at the cinema, coincidentally...)

        1. 's water music Silver badge

          Re: Cat o' nine tails

          nope, I meant the Aristocrats

          The inclusion of (sic) was intended to head this confusion off but the joke doesn't really bear this analysis

  20. Luiz Abdala

    Blue Streak...

    He could have actually used the sentence "Yo tengo un gato en mis pantalones."

    Martin Lawrence movie "Blue Streak" joke...

  21. This post has been deleted by its author

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Whilst the family was sitting at Christmas dinner table recently, my grandson turned his phone round to show his mother the cute picture of a kitten he'd found on FB or some such. My son in law muttered "Great, teenager surfing for pussy in the internet". My daughter replies "You're lucky Dad (ie, me) is sitting between us, or I'd have thrown something at you". Hilarity ensued.

  23. Proud Father

    Closest his dick is getting to pussy for a while.

  24. Sanguma

    Clearly a job for

    Fur Patrol! Purrrhaps he felt he had the purrfect right to wear kitten-infest underwear ... Purrrhaps he felt kitted out for the occasion ... how would one categorize this sort of behaviour?

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