back to article Time for a cracker joke: What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?

How many sleeps 'till Christmas? We don't care, because here at El Reg, we count in On Calls, and we can tell you there are plenty to come, so fret not. This week's On Call column of tech problems solved with panache stars not one, but two basic user errors that took very little thought to fix. Just the kind of thing the IT …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Power to the people

    The team was having the weekly meeting in bosses office. Boss wants to show us the usual performance figures and turns her laptop round so we could all see it, explaining that the poke mounted dirty big monitor (DBM) on her desk had stopped working

    I looked across her desk. The DBM was edge on to me and I could see the mains power rocker switch.

    Yes, it was off.

    With a suitable "excuse me", I leaned across the teak and tipped the power switch, explaining that these things work much better when turned on.

    Anon ' cos she might read this .

    1. VikiAi Bronze badge

      Re: Power to the people

      Just a few months back, I received a non-starting LCD TV from another section of where I work that was hoping I could fix it (I pull a lot of monitors and TVs from e-waste, about half of which just need new power supply capacitors, so have that reputation). When I benched it ready to unscrew the back and check the caps for obvious bulges, I noticed there was a rocker switch under the bottom of the bezel. In just the right place so that if the TV was placed on the floor without its stand (such as when getting ready to wall-mount it), it would sit on the switch and flip it off. The switch turned out to be a secondary hard power switch (presumably to save power-conscious people the trouble of reaching behind to the power point). In fairness to my colleagues, the switch was quite discrete, and I only noticed it once I had the TV face down on the bench with the bottom of the bezel towards me.

      1. Symon Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: Power to the people

        Some background.

        https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capacitor_plague

        The epidemic is more or less over now, which is bad news for dumpster divers.

        1. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: Power to the people

          "The epidemic is more or less over now"

          For some values of "more or less"

        2. J__M__M

          Re: Power to the people

          The bad caps thing has been over for a long time, but that doesn't mean the caps still aren't the first to go.

  2. Symon Silver badge
    Facepalm

    "he had plugged the network cable into the modem"

    Well, that won't work nowadays as the modem would probably have an RJ11 connection and the network an RJ45. But you can still plug the modem cable into the network hole should you so desire. Or so I'm told. Ahem...

    1. big_D Silver badge

      Interestingly, you can put a Yubikey USB dongle into an RJ45 port! I was talking on the phone and trying to sign in and was looking at the screen, whilst sticking the dongle in the side of my laptop, it went in, but no ding sound and it didn't light up. I looked down at the laptop and saw that it was stuck in the network port.

      1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

        You can also get...

        The really confusing USB/ESATA ports. Which always felt weird and not in a good way.

        1. Waseem Alkurdi

          Re: You can also get...

          @Sgt_Oddball

          The really confusing USB/ESATA ports. Which always felt weird and not in a good way.

          The HP Pavilion dv{4,5,6} Entertainment Notebook PC line had an eSATA socket that also accepted USB 2.0.

          Talk about weirdness.

          1. J. Cook Silver badge
            Boffin

            Re: You can also get...

            I have an ancient dell lattitude E6320 sitting in my 'scratch monkey' bin with one of these; the eSATA port was for an external drive bay; the USB connector was for normal USB things. (I want to say that the drive bay could let you swap the normally installed optical drive for a floppy drive, but I don't have the floppy drive that fits that specific dock.)

          2. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

            Re: You can also get...

            My wife's venerable Sony vaio does the same (I'm trying to get it taken out back and shot but she won't let me put it down yet)

          3. Lennart Sorensen

            Re: You can also get...

            That sounds like an eSATAp connector. Not that weird, other than not being an official standard. Many systems have had them.

          4. Roger B

            Re: You can also get...

            The Dell Studio 17 that I am using to type this has an eSATA that takes USB or is it USB that takes eSATA either way, never used it.

            1. Trixr

              Re: You can also get...

              eSATA takes USB. I've only used it for USB - works fine.

      2. phuzz Silver badge

        "you can put a Yubikey USB dongle into an RJ45 port"

        With a bit of force you can fit any standard USB (A) connector into a RJ45 port.

        As I found out when a user came to me complaining that their laptop dock/port expander wasn't working (well, actually they were complaining that their email wasn't coming through). When I got there my first thought was to check the ethernet cable, which was plugged securely into the dock, and the USB connection for that was also plugged securely into...the RJ45 port in their laptop.

        I did congratulate them for managing to do something I had never thought possible, but they didn't seem that enthused.

        If you're going to try this, pick an ethernet port you don't care about, it might well damage it a bit.

    2. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

      I'm reminded of an old saying...

      "Any hole's a goal"

      I'll get my coat - it's the dirty tan macintosh...

    3. Steve 53

      Re: New???

      I was thinking, that would be hard work.

      That said, back in the day I spent quite some time diagnosing a network card issue before realising the user had plugged into an ISDN TA rather than the 10/100 NIC. (Both RJ45)

      1. Chris King Silver badge

        Re: New???

        "...plugged into an ISDN TA rather than the 10/100 NIC. (Both RJ45)"

        I used to see this a lot with German students turning up with hand-me-down PC's. Usually reported as a "No network" problem, and the sole RJ45 connector on the machine would be attached to an AVM Fritz! ISDN card.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      At my fisrt job...

      They gave me a new PC to setup - and it came with an Ethernet card installed, and there was an Ethernet cable in the box - although, as I discovered later, the company was using a Token Ring network - I had never seen one until then, and wasn't able to recognize its connectors.

      So I plugged the Ethernet card into what looked a Ethernet port under my desk - but it was actually a another phone line.

      Later they explained someone should have showed up to replace the card, but that day he didn't.

      1. Martin-73 Silver badge

        Re: At my fisrt job...

        I've seen this with some Openreach supplied xDSL filters here in the UK. The connector for the 'broadband' side is an RJ45 (bizarrely) . People see a port labelled broadband, with an RJ45 jack on it... and ... I get calls where the Hub (broadband modem router)* is still in the box because 'we didn't need it'. Which designer thought that connector choice was sensible.

        *probably the same one who thought calling a combined modem router the same name as another piece of networking equipment was a good idea

        1. d3vy Silver badge

          Re: At my fisrt job...

          @martin

          Our splitters from open reach always had an rj11 on the "internet" side.. never seen on with rj45.

          Still quite possible to stick an rj11 into a rj45 port on the back of a PC... My first job was tech support round the time that people were switching from 56k modems to dsl.. had this at least once a week.

    5. bpfh

      And if you are really motivated...

      on the old Latitude D610's (IIRC), if you tried very very hard, you could force an ethernet plug into the air vent before calling the helldesk that I needed to check the meeting room network connectivity from our database sales manager...

    6. longtimeReader

      Someone took down our department network for more than a day by plugging the token ring cable into the monitor adapter in the PC. They had the same connector. Took us a while to work out what had broken.

      1. Saruman the White
        Coat

        The pile of tokens on the floor should have been a clue.

        Excuse me, looking for my coat ...

        1. Chunky Munky
          Pint

          Proof positive

          https://dilbert.com/strip/1996-05-02

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        About 2012 ish.

        Our VOIP phones have two RJ45 ports. One for the LAN the other to daisychain a PC.

        We used to keep spare Ethernet cables connected to the floor ports in the conference rooms.

        So during a meeting a manager sees the unused Ethernet cable and open RJ45 port on the phone and gets the idea they should be connected.

        Oh and Spanning Tree was not enabled.

        Hilarity ensued for about an hour.

        Found the phone. Manager confessed. Spanning tree enabled shortly thereafter.

        1. Andytug

          If the phone to PC cable goes into the desk and back out again (for tidiness) you often also find them with the phone in RJ45 port and out RJ45 port connected together by the same cable, with the user wondering why the phone is dead.....

    7. Snarky Puppy
      Joke

      I've had this problem all my life - always sticking it in the wrong hole.

      1. VikiAi Bronze badge
        Facepalm

        It is likewise possible for an undergraduate uni student to fit a LP-E6N battery in the camera the wrong way around.

        ...

        Getting it out again requires a technician, though. And some long-nose pliers and a strong grip.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Embarrasing

    "As a manager in IT, such a rookie mistake would be embarrassing,"

    When was the last time any IT manager had any feelings, leave alone being capable of embarrassment? And the last couple of IT managers I had prided themselves on having no clue whatsoever about IT, only about management (at which they were also a disaster).

    Anonymous because some of those IT managers are still alive and the one thing they excel at is holding a grudge.

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      Re: Embarrasing

      The I.T services company I was at prior to current one actually hired a manager (of techies) specifically for his complete lack of I.T. knowledge.

      The mind boggles

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Embarrasing

        specifically for his complete lack of I.T. knowledge

        Maybe his boss wanted to have someone to blame for all the cockups arising from his own policy decisions.

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: Embarrasing

          aka: Corporate or Department Sacrificial Lamb. also known as "A scapegoat". I've seen too many of them to know they are real and not a myth.

        2. Terry 6 Silver badge

          Re: Embarrasing

          This FFS is classic case of "A manager only needs to know how to manage" school of management. My assumption being that the academics who teach management ( and do fancy research) don't actually know anything about the work of the companies, if any , that they've managed

          1. Andrew Moore Silver badge

            Re: Embarrasing

            We have one of those: He once started a meeting by declaring "I don't know anything about IT but if I want something done, I want it done now!" I pointed out that the first half of his declaration negated the second half.

          2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Embarrasing

            "My assumption being that the academics who teach management ( and do fancy research) don't actually know anything about the work of the companies, if any , that they've managed"

            There are actually two assumptions in there.

      2. DuchessofDukeStreet

        Re: Embarrasing

        Alternatively, sometimes that's the only way to have a manager who doesn't try and interfere with what the workforce are doing, and leaves them to get on with their areas of expertise whilst protecting them from the non-techie corporate garbage.

      3. MrReynolds2U

        Re: Embarrasing

        sounds like it could be the plot of a C4 sitcom

  4. sandman

    Hand Holding

    I used to work for a global company that was trying to specialize in eLearning. Because of the "global" bit we started using conferencing software (Centra for those old enough to remember it). Our CEO found it extremely difficult to use, so during the conferences, I'd go into her office and literally guide her hand and mouse around, pressing on her finger to click. I rather admired her for admitting she was finding it difficult to use and not being afraid that the whole company could see me holding hands with her. ;-) (Reader, I didn't marry her).

    1. Symon Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Hand Holding

      "I'd go into her office"

      Enter Sandman. Sorry ---->

    2. Tikimon Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Hand Holding

      "No sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!"

  5. Paul Herber

    Friday

    It's Friday, it's five to five, and it's Cracker Joke.

    <Where's me coat?>

    1. Christoph Silver badge

      Re: Friday

      Where's the cabbage icon?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not user error

    For once. It is understandable for the user not to know what a mouse is when they have never used one. A fault of the IT person for not leaving a note to explain things.

    Anon, cos' well I expect a few people may disagree

    1. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Re: Not user error

      Not really anyone's fault. And nothing bad happened - they laughed it off.

      A lot of helpdesk-type issues are not really anyone's fault. It's how you tell 'em that makes for an anecdote. Best ever has got to be those Norwegian TV folks.

    2. MiguelC Silver badge

      Re: Not user error

      In my early life, I taught some basic computer intro courses for people who -mostly- never had used computers before. Once there was a lady who complained about the difficulty in using the mouse as the cursor moved on the wrong direction(s). Sure enough, the mouse's cord was under her wrist and all went smoothly after showing her the right way to hold the device...

      1. LDS Silver badge
        Joke

        "the mouse's cord was under her wrist"

        She was right - if you tell them it's a mouse, did you ever see a mouse with its tail sticking out of its head?

      2. tim 13

        Re: Not user error

        I worked with a guy who used it like that, he had used them since they first came out (he was old school ICL) and was never shown the 'right' way until he had already got proficient like that. While pressing the buttons with the palm of his hand was OK I don't know how he got on with wheel mice.

        1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Not user error

          "I worked with a guy who used it like that"

          moron.

          Did he have L & R written on his hands to facilitate driving.

          " was never shown the 'right' way" FFS 20 seconds of using the thing you show you the right way.

          If it dosent you are not a thinker and have zero independant thought processes , you are a programmable meatbag , you know , like in the beancounters office?

          I've seen films where the zombies have more intuition than that.

          Its lucky his mommy showed him the right way to dress himself , or he'd be walking arounf looking into the hood of his jacket.

          1. VikiAi Bronze badge
            Facepalm

            Re: Not user error

            One of my uni lecturers (about 20 years ago!) once sheepishly admitted that he had spent several minutes that morning wondering what was wrong with his mouse before realising it was up-side-down.

  7. big_D Silver badge

    Network to go...

    We had a training center at one site. There were a bunch of PCs in there and the manager sat in a separate room.

    He was visiting another site and decided to take his desktop with him. Instead of asking, he just unplugged it from the network and left... And suddenly the whole training room stopped working (remote booted DOS PCs from a central server, with all applications on the server).

    Did I forget to say, that those were the days of thinwire Ethernet?

    Yep, the manager hat disconnected his PC and taken it with him T-connector and all, leaving two open ends of Ethernet in the middle of his desk. A quick search around my toolkit for a spare T-connector quickly sorted the problem.

    1. Version 1.0 Silver badge

      Re: Network to go...

      Those were the days! When networking was just a coax cable strung around the office ... I set that up at home years and years ago, eventually upgraded to Twisted Pair, and last week switched to Fibre optic but I've still got a MicroVAX on the network. It's connected via a DECnet adapter, to a coax to 10BaseT switch, to a FO adapter - what fun!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Printer mix up

    That's nothing, my Boss managed to force a serial 25 plug into a centronics printer socket (was 30 years ago). there was much smoke. Anon because I still work for him!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Printer mix up

      "my Boss managed to force a serial 25 plug into a centronics printer socket"

      I've seen someone succeed at plugging that same 25 pin D plug in UPSIDE DOWN! Unfortunately the cable was hardwired and meant the kit he was plugging in had to be sent for repair.

      headline immediately reminded me of that very old crack^H^Hpper joke: what's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?...

  9. VinceH Silver badge
    Meh

    "Matthew, thanks for the replacement but there seems to be something wrong… When I try to go up, it goes down, and when I try to go left it goes right. The buttons are also in a weird place."

    Um. If you turn a mouse over and try to use it as a trackball, then either up/down will be wrong with left/right correct, or left/right wrong with up/down correct, depending on which way you've turned it over (pivoting around the tail/wire or longwise so that the wire is pointing towards you). But not both.

    1. Mud5hark

      One also assumes that it is a ball mouse - something unheard of nowadays. (The younger among us will be confused by this story)

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "One also assumes that it is a ball mouse - something unheard of nowadays. (The younger among us will be confused by this story)"

        And now that you mention it, all the ball mice I ever used wouldn't work upside down. The ball would drop to the "top" and the friction of that contact would stop it working as a trackball. Probably poor contact with the internal wheels/rollers too,

    2. Alan Brown Silver badge

      "If you turn a mouse over and try to use it as a trackball"

      Then usually it doesn't work as the ball falls away from the contact rollers.

      Just saying....

  10. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

    Rodentia

    Heard a rumor that with the first gen Logitech and Microsoft rodents - you know, back when rodents really had balls - used shaft encoders that connected to the PCB through a small four-wire IDC connector. Swap two wires and you invert the affected axis. Just need a small phillips to open the rodent and a paperclip to unlatch wires from the IDC. It's loads of fun watching software guys try to fix a HW problem in SW. Or so I'm told.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Rodentia

      Back in the ball mouse days there was online info on how to clean the ball by removing, spitting on (the evil ones suggested put it in your mouth) and wiping it clean. So workers walked into his office and he said "Hang on, I've got mouse ball in my mouth"... The laughter could be hear across the floor.

      1. jelabarre59 Silver badge

        Re: Rodentia

        Back in the ball mouse days there was online info on how to clean the ball by removing, spitting on (the evil ones suggested put it in your mouth) and wiping it clean.

        Even better was the fake (presumably) IBM memo about field-replacement mouse balls (too hard to explain, you'd have to read it here: https://justjohnboy.com/2013/11/14/the-original-ibm-mouse-balls-email/)

        1. Version 1.0 Silver badge

          Re: Rodentia

          My wife was a school teacher and taught the computer lab, she had a problem with the kids nicking the balls from the mice at the end of class - she put an end to it by telling everyone to turn their mice over at the end of the hour so that "she could could inspect their balls".

          These days she'd probably get prosecuted for saying that - it's a good job the technology has moved on!

      2. JSIM

        Re: Rodentia

        "the evil ones"

        That would be evil indeed.

        Mouse balls ran over everything on the user's desk for months and years - dried sugary coffee cup rings, lunch remnants, dead skin particles, hair, all manner of dust and dirt - over time resulting in very sticky dirty balls and accumulations of the aforementioned filth behind the balls.

        Mouse first-aid was always to remove the seizing ball, wash it with soap and water (never, God forbid, in your mouth - YUCK!), and replacing it after picking out the dust bunnies from inside the ball sockets. If that didn't fix it, it went into the bin. Balls would frequently be salvaged and kept as desktop novelty items (relatively heavy for their size - good for fidgeting) and were often used for fun and games to relieve boredom during night Ops shifts.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can beat that upside down mouse story.

    Evesham Micros Tech Support circa 1998.

    Customer rang in to say his trackball wasn't working.

    Evesham included a mouse as standard. After some questioning, the tech found out the customer had turned the mouse upside down, stuck it to his desk with superglue and was trying to frob the ball.

    1. Gordon861

      Re: I can beat that upside down mouse story.

      Evesham Micros - wow that's a name from the past, I think I remember buying a 512k expansion for my Amiga from them.

      1. Scott 53

        Re: I can beat that upside down mouse story.

        Evesham Micros: I definitely remember buying a 32MB hard card for an Amstrad PC1512 from their shop in south Birmingham

        1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

          Re: I can beat that upside down mouse story.

          I remember their ads for 8 bit addon stuff.

          Didnt they do "action replay" catridge?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Another mouse tale

    I had the privilege of DOAing for my boss as he was on holiday. I had to attend the SLT meeting and witness the ineptitude of the hallowed management.

    I can’t remember what was discussed, but witnessed one manager struggling to wipe a whiteboard. After a few seconds it became apparent she was using her cordless mouse.

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      Re: Another mouse tale

      I.T support really is akin to childcare at times....

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: Another mouse tale

        Partly because, for a user, when stuff goes wrong the first instinct is to panic. And the less they feel confident with the nitty gritty of IT the more they're likely to call for help instead of looking to see if there's anything that stands out as wrong. Or to want to touch anything that does looks wrong for fear of making it worse.

        When I used to train users in basic IT skills one of the opening lines was "Don't worry. You're not going to wreck the computer". Because they often worried that one wrong move would indeed break the machine.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Another mouse tale

          "Because they often worried that one wrong move would indeed break the machine."

          Probably because in the early days of £10000+ PC computers bought on the capital budget, the non-IT managers were aware of the value and warned users to never do anything that might damage the shiny new capital investment. Remember, those were the days when eating or drinking near the PC was a severe offence and a £1000 was a LOT of money.

          1. Terry 6 Silver badge

            Re: Another mouse tale

            That makes sense. It was usually older ( in those days I wasn't one of the olders) staff. And some of them had bosses that were even worse. And they tended to be quite nervous of authority, when it was in IT.

            Similarly. Not too many years ago I had a boss who was terrified of us sending long emails because the corporate IT big boss had declared that longer emails had to be written as attachments. Likewise, she was really bothered if we used the word "thousand". We had to write in multiples of "K". As in "The item will cost 3K". Again because of some corporate bollocks. This is not that many years ago (15 maybe).

            1. Stuart21551

              Re: Another mouse tale

              'quite nervous of authority'

              Is that 'Authority', or people that know?

        2. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: Another mouse tale

          "And the less they feel confident with the nitty gritty of IT the more they're likely to call for help instead of looking to see if there's anything that stands out as wrong."

          I prefer those users. You can reassure them and sort things fairly quickly.

          The ones who plough on regardless and REALLY screw things up before calling you are invariably utterly pissed off and require hours of untangling Gordian knots.

    2. Stuart21551

      Re: Another mouse tale

      After Whiteouting the spelling mistakes on her screen?

  13. wyatt

    Only yesterday it was pointed out to me and a colleague that we were racking a server upside down.

    Id personally have allowed us to rack it and get a pic.

    It was one of those days where nothing went right and eventually I decided it was DOA and replacement parts have been ordered.

    1. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge
      Joke

      The BOFH's on his way to your location with a fully charged lethal cattleprod.

  14. chivo243 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Variation on a Dance step

    I once had a new user, I mean really new to technology, tried to use the mouse with the cable facing their wrist, instead of away from them....

  15. Bob Wheeler

    Back in the day

    Many moon's ago, I installed an PS/2 model 30 in my bosses (deputy head of IT). It took him about two years (I kid you not) to find out I had plugged in the power cord.

    Bob (retd)

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Back in the day

      Bob,

      I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the words "office" and "hadn't" are missing from that story.

  16. OssianScotland

    My Dad (now in his 90's) had a laptop with a USB printer. When it died, he got a replacement and shortly after phoned me to say he had trouble printing. I used TeamViewer and could not see the printer, but he assured me it was plugged in properly. Nothing I tried worked, but I was visiting a couple of weeks later....

    ….that was when I realised that a USB plug would fit perfectly into an Ethernet port.

    A little bluetac and stickytape later and the problem should never recur

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not IT related, but still funny.

    I am posting this anon because the lady in question may read this site & I'd like not to get my ass kicked. =-)p

    I was working at a temp agency assigned to a small office in a strip mall, tasked to do data entry for hours at a time. Boring, tedious, mind numbing, but it paid the bills.

    One day it's getting close to lunch, the office is right next door to a grocery store with a deli, so we all decide to head over to buy our lunches. I get a sandwhich, a granola bar, & a passion fruit flavored Bawls energy drink. Back to the office, into the break room, munch munch munch. One of the ladies notices my energy drink, says she likes passion fruit, but has never had it from that particular brand. She points a finger to my drink & asks in a total deadpan "Can I taste your Bawls?"

    The room went utterly silent, she realized what she had just said, & suddenly turned SUCH a bright shade of red that I was afraid she'd die from lack of blood to the brain. I turned a pretty shade of pink around the ears (I thought she was attractive but didn't dare say so), coughed to cover my initial comment, then simply handed her my drink. She turned it down, left the room at a run, & hid in the bathroom for over an hour.

    Double entendres can be SO much fun! =-D

    1. J. Cook Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Not IT related, but still funny.

      "... and that is how I met your mother" /rimshot

    2. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: Not IT related, but still funny.

      This is where having 'as the actress said to the bishop' is always useful to save one's blushes. Acknowledges the double ententre and laughs it off.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not IT related, but still funny.

      One of the ladies notices my energy drink, says she likes passion fruit, but has never had it from that particular brand. She points a finger to my drink & asks in a total deadpan "Can I taste your Bawls?"

      Or there was the time a group of WWII reenactors were looking over their M1941 Johnson rifles, and one lady says "so you guys are comparing your Johnsons?" Immediately she realized what she had said to great personal embarrassment.

      (Anon so someone doesn't happen to find this on a generic search, and the folks involved are not IT people. But if she *does* see this, I'm in trouble)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not IT related, but still funny.

        A German friend once told me how she had gone to the US as a teenager on a holiday or exchange trip. A group had gone to the beach for the day and were putting on sun cream when she noticed that one of the boys had dropped a blob onto his trunks.

        In her best school-level English, she said: "Hey, Johnny, I see you've creamed your shorts."

        It was 5 minutes before they stopped laughing enough to explain it to her. Then she went red for 5 minutes.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Not IT related, but still funny.

        "But if she *does* see this, I'm in trouble"

        I wonder about those posts that say something like "Anon ' cause I still work there". If the relevant person reads it they're not going to have a problem working out who said it.

  18. Mike Moyle Silver badge

    Stories from "Matthew" and "Mark" this week...?

    Considering the season, you couldn't find stories from "Luke" and "John" to fill out a four-pack this week?

    Or are you saving them for closer to the day?

    1. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: Stories from "Matthew" and "Mark" this week...?

      And a Paul, Peter and James join the Commentards?

  19. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    Hey its friday wheres the funny stuff? oh , here it is hidden under "data centres" and not in "most read"

    now ill go read it ....

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Smart Arse I.T Cnuts

    I'm not a trekkie, but my favourite moment from one of the movies is when they are on Earth around our time and Scotty is trying to talk to the computer to use it. Someone tells him to use the mouse, so he picks it up and says "Hello Computer" into it.

    If you don't know what it is, you don't know what it is.

    I hate I.T cnuts who think they are so clever, they get off the phone to a customer and say "Man that guys a dumbass, he has no clue, doesn't even know what an MX record is, the twat".

    That guy could have been anybody, say he was a Doctor and this type of I.T guy turned up at his clinic, would he expect the Doctor to laugh at him and call him thick for not knowing what a UTI is?

    I had to get out of I.T for a break, arseholes everywhere, it was starting to make me really angry. I'm heading back to "it" now, just hope I end up in a job with less of those arseholes about.

    1. XSV1

      Re: Smart Arse I.T Cnuts

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpWhugUmV5U

  21. Jakester

    A home user had to move her computer and didn't want to bother anyone, so she 'disconnected' all the cables herself. She ran into a problem removing the VGA cable from the computer. However, she pulled until it came free. She didn't realize it had screws to help keep it in place. She managed to pull the screw connectors that had been 'riveted' into place on the motherboard bracket. Fortunately, the motherboard wasn't damaged and the cable still worked, once the retainers were unscrewed from the cable. The cable is now held in place just by friction.

  22. lesession

    Millennium Bug

    I got a new job and my start date ended up being Tuesday 4th January 2000.

    So I spent the last few months of my old job coordinating getting the Novell Netware upgraded to a Y2K compliant version and all the other hardware & systems patched and upgraded.

    It being a local Council office the place was shut to the public on Monday 03/01, so my manager and I went in early on the Monday, ran through our checklist and testing to ensure everything was OK, and were in the pub by 12 noon for a final Millennium Bug project sign-off and a farewell drink or several.

    Tuesday 04/01, I turn up to my new job at another council ... and the email system wasn't up for nearly a fortnight because of a Y2K issue.

    I should have known then; the place never did improve technologically and I moved on as soon as was decent ...

  23. Dick Pountain

    Damn, I thought the answer was Hitler and was about to invoke Godwin's Law

  24. Stuart21551

    "What's got one ball and buttons in the wrong place?"

    That's easy! Half a eunuch!

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