back to article Careful with this latest Microsoft release – tug too hard on the threads and it tends to unravel

Those whacky guys on the Windows team have taken time out from slapping plasters all over Microsoft's flagship OS to slip a special Christmas gift under the tree of the faithful. If you've been a good little fanboy, you may find yourself in receipt of a special jumper, harking back to the good old days of Windows 95. …

  1. Semtex451 Silver badge
    Coat

    Look whenever I have my Apple jumper on

    EVERYTHING JUST WORKS SO WELL

    (icon for caps usage)

  2. spold Bronze badge

    ...just sends data on who wears it and how often back to MS.

    Prone to turning blue unexpectedly, at which point you have to take it off and put it back on again.

  3. Charles Calthrop

    why do i like xmas jumpers so much?

    why do i want that jumper in particcular?

    I'd love to be all hip and cool and sneer at it but I think it is great.

    what is wrong with me?

    last year we had our xmas meall in a really facy restaurant and I rocked up in this bad boy

    https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71vZ0HO9iLL._UX679_.jpg

    was a bit awkward.

  4. Antonius_Prime

    Ah, the Legendary Friday Register Snark...

    I've missed it's absence in some articles.

    I'm fairly certain that the lads and lassies in Reg Central had Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie playing on repeat while drafting this gem of an article...

    1. #define INFINITY -1 Bronze badge

      Re: Ah, the Legendary Friday Register Snark...

      Well that just took the fun out of the whole thing. Thanks.

      I was coming here to express my thanks for the Linux comment, as I have always had the feeling that until I could compile all the binaries I had not completed The Linux Challenge (hats off to the founders of all distributions).

      1. Antonius_Prime
        Pint

        Re: Ah, the Legendary Friday Register Snark...

        I laughed myself out of the chair at the Linux stuff!

        That's why it brought TDTIAB to mind!

        Ah well, it's Friday, it's The Reg, the article was BRILLIANT! (To clear up lingering doubt in the minds of the Thumbsxit block! :D

        1. #define INFINITY -1 Bronze badge
          Pint

          Re: Ah, the Legendary Friday Register Snark...

          I guess I'll need to recalibrate my sarcasm detection. My round --->

  5. Tigra 07 Silver badge
    Flame

    "Kill it with fire" seems an appropriate response.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Apple Jumper

    Surely it's a black roll-neck, like St Jobs used to wear?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Apple Jumper

      The High Priest of a cult always wears something distinctly different - and which is not allowed for the suckersfollowers.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Apple Jumper

      > Surely it's a black roll-neck, like St Jobs used to wear?

      An Apple jumper would be very shiny, very light, very expensive, very smooth to the touch, slips on and off easily, but has pockets that are too small to store everything in. The optional 'hanger' accessory is a thing of beauty though.

  7. Steve McGuinness

    WANT!

    Just tell me where to send my money.

  8. Florida1920 Silver badge

    I had an Adobe Flash jumper

    But it was pwned.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I had an Adobe Flash jumper

      ... but it had a hole in it and a rabid badger got in and changed my life forever!

      Crossover tech: that made a great YouTube though!

  9. tiggity Silver badge

    IT Angle

    There's scope for a good article on programmable knitting machines (some of the top end ones are very impressive). Especially given Jacquard loom punch card (for "programming" the loom) was known to Babbage and he wanted to use them to store programs .. and I recall using punched cards to program on a PDP-11 when a schoolkid)

  10. Andy Non

    The Microsoft jumper will no doubt

    quickly develop lots of holes and need regular patching. You may also need some skin cream for relief against all the resident bugs.

  11. Scott 29

    You'll receive a photo of a sweater

    They only have one copy.

    You'll get photos of a sweater with a Right To Use, which will disallow use in climates colder than 60F.

    Photos will be of models in locations you will never have time or money to visit.

  12. Dippywood

    A special jumper to celebrate the delights of the October build of Windows 10

    That would be in BSOD blue, of course...

  13. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    I wonder if Hardware Manufacturers will follow suit...

    ...All those jumpers on the mainboard that do something.

    When they produce jumperless mainboards then they will start flashing instead.

  14. Waseem Alkurdi

    "Proper Linux fans will simply get given the sheep and be forced to knit the thing with their teeth, because anything easier is for noobs."

    No, one would hex edit the world and add Shears, and while you're at it, add a few Diamond Ingots and Redstone, lots of it.

  15. JJKing
    Coat

    Appropriate attaire only

    An Apple jumper would be very shiny, very light, very expensive, very smooth to the touch, slips on and off easily, but has pockets that are too small to store everything in. The optional 'hanger' accessory is a thing of beauty though.

    It can only be worn in the Middle East because it has to hang on an iRack.

    Mines the one that has a one way ticket out of Baghdad in the pocket.

    1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: An Apple jumper

      Would have no hole to insert your head, particularly if your name is Jack.

    2. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Appropriate attaire only

      "It can only be worn in the Middle East because it has to hang on an iRack."

      That only works if you usually mis-pronounce the name of the country (i.e. you're American)

  16. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    An Azure jumper...

    ...is a jumper you rent and share with others. Look out for creepy crawlies when you wear it. Every so often you will get a bill for wearing it.

  17. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    Samsung jumpers...

    ...check the garment tag beforehand to make sure it is flame retardent.

  18. lesession

    The Wikipedia jumper

    Spends every December hassling you for payment, and gives the money to the website 'Foundation' rather than the people who actually raised and sheared the sheep, made the wool, or knitted the jumper

  19. SVV Silver badge

    lucky fans?

    More woolly thinking from Microsoft.

  20. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "Proper Linux fans will simply get given the sheep"

    We already have the sheep here. Strictly speaking they're the farmer's next door but the gates are sometime subject to quantum tunnelling or something similar.

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