back to article LG's beer-making bot singlehandedly sucks all fun, boffinry from home brewing

Fan of those trendy coffee machines shilled by George Clooney? Wish there was one that did beer? Of course you don't, but LG has gone and done it anyway. Due to be unveiled at CES 2019, LG's beer-making machine is targeted squarely at those DIY beer enthusiasts seeking something sleek to pop on the kitchen worktop rather than …

  1. }{amis}{ Silver badge
    Alert

    Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

    Because if its anything like any of my homebrewing disasters efforts you need will need it to clean up the seemingly inevitable tsunami of arse gravy.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

      Hence the famous quote, "If you drink too much real ale, the world will fall out of your bottom."

      1. AMBxx Silver badge

        Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

        From my student attempts at Barley Wine, also needs some air freshener.

      2. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

        Hence the famous quote, "If you drink too much real ale, the world will fall out of your bottom."

        The incantation I recall is, "When the bottom drops out of your world: Drink Watney's; and watch the world drop out of your bottom".

        That and; what's the difference between making love in a punt and a pint of Watney's?

        Nothing. They're both fucking close to water.

        1. Glenturret Single Malt

          Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

          In a similar vein: I was once in a pub where the gents facility was just to one side of the bar.Which led to the scribbled inscription on the wall saying "the beer in this pub is the next thing to piss".

      3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Alert

        Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

        My local pub in UK got hold of some farm scrumpy & one regular proceeded to spend a whole afternoon & early summer evening drinking the stuff, decided he would leave as the sun was slowly setting around 9ish, drunkenly weaved his way through a empty car park, crossed the main road without incident, got 100 yards up the quiet residential road (Directly facing the pub & in full view of the a lot more sober & highly amused regulars), grabbed onto a lamp post for dear life, when his bowels finally surrendered their content of fluid gut rot.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

          The restaurant in the EEC Jean Monet building In Luxembourg had a barrel of the season's "new" wine. We were advised to only have a small glass because of its purging effect.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

          "My local pub in UK got hold of some farm scrumpy [...]"

          Friends bought a farmhouse and a couple of acres of land after a neighbouring farm expanded by acquiring the fields. The place was totally unmodernised. One of the farmyard buildings contained a circular stone trough and a vertical stone apple crushing wheel that rolled round it - presumably one horse power.

          It transpired that it had actually been a working farm until about a year before - and one day the old lady of the line came to visit. She brought a present of a bottle of the farm's last cider - with which we were honour bound to drink her health. It tasted like vinegar. Fortunately there was only enough for a small glass each.

        3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

          drunkenly weaved

          "Wove" is (I believe) the past tense of "To Weave". Just like "shone" is the past tense for "to shine" and not "shined".

          What is it with the lack of ability with the past tense[1]? I mean, in my day they didn't particularly teach English grammar at school and I still managed to work it all out!

          Kids today eh?

          [1] Something that, I suspect, the Americans have infected us with - it's something I first saw in US-based self-published authors..

          1. Eddy Ito Silver badge

            Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

            As the kids today would say, it all depends on your level of wokeness or stay woke. I assume it's an actually an acronym for something like 'Willfully Overlooking Knowledge & Education" or something like that.

          2. Glenturret Single Malt

            Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

            The Americans have a lot to answer for with span (spun), dove (dived) and fit (fitted) among those I can immediately think of.

          3. Spike of Bayswater

            Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

            I would respectfully disagree. In the sense used by the author (described movement not joining threads to make cloth), is perfectly correct on either side of the pond.

            Language does change: my mum (an English teacher) was taught as a child that the correct spelling of the word "show" is "shew". Not any more.

            Collins English Dictionary

            The form weaved is used for the past tense and past participle for meaning e.g.

            if you weave your way somewhere, you move between and around things as you go there.

            The cars then weaved in and out of traffic at top speed. [VERB preposition]

            He weaved around the tables to where she sat with Bob. [VERB preposition]

            Here’s what the Yanks say:

            “Weaved, wove, woven

            The verb weave is usually inflected wove in the past tense and woven in the perfect-tense and past-participial forms. But weaved is more common where weave means to move in and out or sway from side to side. This is the case in all the main varieties of English, though British writers are particularly wont to use weaved for all senses of the word—a growing phenomenon.”

            Old codgers today, eh?

    2. JetSetJim Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

      It doesn't make enough beer of any type to require vast amounts of bog roll. Back in my student days, I'd brew up a bin-sized (40-60L) amount in a similar time period, and it would be more fun than just inserting a pod and pushing a button.

      The only plus point I can see is that it self-cleans. Sterilising brewing equipment was a bit of a pain in the arse.

      It will flop, as have revious iterations of the same idea.

      1. Eddy Ito Silver badge
        WTF?

        Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

        I get the feeling any success will depend on three factors; hipsters, price, and hang on...

        Two weeks, as in 14 days, for 5 litres?!? That isn't even one beer per day! Are they saying we need to buy 2 of these things just to have one single lousy beer each day?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Does it despense vast amounts of bog rool??

          "I get the feeling any success will depend on three factors; hipsters, price, and hang on..."

          Given the length of time to brew and a hipster target market then I think there's an opportunity to set up a business that centralizes a large number of these "beer machines" in a given location which can all be started on a staggered basis so that when the aforementioned hipster wishes to imbibe then there will be a machine ready to dispense. Clearly as the machines are now at some distance from the hipster then a web based system would be used to request a "glass of ale" which can be delivered by cyclist/robot/drone direct to the hipster. When I get the initial funding (ok dragons, I want £10million for 5% of the company) I will lauch this new disruptive service as "Brewr"

          Note: that in the future the model can be extended into the "bricks-and-mortar" world by provding locations where such "glasses of ale" can be obtained directly for a "peronalized use of Brewr" or "P.U.B." experience.

          Isn't it amazing all the new possibilities that we have today witrh technology!

  2. AndyS

    Why?

    It seems to me that there are two main reasons to brew your own:

    1. It is vastly cheaper - a pint of homebrew costs about 20p, and the equipment only costs about £50.

    2. You can make the recipe up yourself, tweak things, add stuff in or take it out.

    For most homebrewers, it's a combination of the two.

    Both of which an expensive, all-in-one, web-connected, "smart," auto sanitising, pod-relying machine will negate.

    So what is the point of it, and who is the target audience?

    1. trollied

      Re: Why?

      It's obviously aimed at people that have some space in the cupboard under the stairs, right next to the bread maker & ice cream maker.

      1. Milo Tsukroff
        Pint

        Re: Why?

        Ice cream maker?? I take offense. An ice cream maker will produce real ice cream in minutes, not a fortnight. Back in the 70's I worked in the R&D shop where we tested our very successful ice cream maker.

        Good times! I found out one very interesting thing: If you add too much flavoring, the ice cream will never freeze up. The problem is that that the flavorings sold in American grocery stores are primarily based on alcohol. So, too much flavoring, too much anti-freeze. Cheers!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Why?

          "So, too much flavoring, too much anti-freeze."

          IIRC if you added even more of the flavouring it would eventually go past the freezing depression's eutectic point. After that the freezing point would rise. That's why antifreeze has to be used in a critical ratio with the radiator water.

          1. hairydog

            Re: Why?

            The stronger the mixture, the lower the freezing point.

            You can put pure antifreeze into a cars cooling system. The only reason not to is the cost. Piston-engined aircraft use pure antifreeze because it gets cold at high altitude.

      2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Why?

        trollied,

        Bread makers are an excellent invention. Even if you only use them for nice breads for parties.

        My only problem with mine (and most of them I've seen) is that the loaf is a slightly odd shape. Which leaves you with slices that are too big for convenient sandwichery. But the bread's pretty good - and can be achieved with little more than 5 minutes of effort.

        You get to have a bit more fun if you make bread by hand - as if you experiment too much with bread makers you risk the very precise balance/timing going wrong, as the machine is set for each recipe. However kneeding alone takes as much time as measuring the ingredients into the bread maker. Let alone all the faffing with proving, rising, knocking back etc.

        Mine does a very nice wholemeal seeded, that's consistent, way tastier than even the posh supermarket loaves and lasts at least 4 days before it's only fit for toasting. Admittedly that does take 4 hours, but so long as you're there to take it out within ten minutes of the cooking finishing, that's no problem.

        1. Simon Harris Silver badge

          Re: Why?

          "Bread makers are an excellent invention."

          Agreed. The best thing has to be the timer so you have freshly baked bread straight onto your breakfast plate when you wake up.

          1. BongoJoe

            Re: Why?

            I use a bread maker extensively. And the best thing is that I am able to experiment with interesting and strange grains.

            I can now bore (both of) my friends with which mill's grains I prefer* and then experiment on some strange mixes.

            (* Aberfeldy, in case anyone has gone this far)

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Why?

              Can someone tell me where this guy lives? I didn’t get that far!

        2. JohnFen Silver badge

          Re: Why?

          "Bread makers are an excellent invention."

          Bread makers are what got me into making bread for real. I was given one and used it regularly for a month, at which point it broke. Missing fresh bread, I realized that bread makers don't actually do that much -- most of making bread consists of waiting, after all -- so I started making bread the old-fashioned way.

          As good as the bread maker was, it never produced a loaf of bread that was as good as what I made "by hand". But I will be eternally grateful to the machine for leading me down the proper path.

          1. Charles 9 Silver badge

            Re: Why?

            I got a bread machine for Christmas 15 years ago, and I'm proud to say it still works and I still use it as the whim arises. The instructions provided a nice basic loaf, and I don't mind the hole in the bottom, either; it's not that big anyway. But few things beat a freshly-baked loaf, especially when you don't have to be constantly working at it to get a good result; a set-and-forget appliance that's worth it (I simply tend to its initial mixing to ensure the dough ball collects everything--ensures a perfect loaf and almost no cleanup afterward).

        3. jake Silver badge

          Re: Why?

          Bread machines can indeed make good bread. But don't forget that they are handy for small batches of dough for things other than bread. My foreman's daughter calls hers "the pizza machine" ... Usually available at thrift stores for a couple quid/bucks. Look for one that can make a 2 pound (1 kilo) loaf.

          A word of warning, though ... it was a bread machine that first got me into making bread. The heating element went out, so I started using it only for the initial mix/kneed. I did the punch down/rise/formloaf/rise/ovenbake steps by hand. Eventually, the motor burned out, so I bought a Kitchenaid 600 Pro ... Part of what sold me on Chez jake was the (now) 135 year old wood burning bread oven just off the kitchen. Which lead to the Hobart that can handle a 50lb bag of bread flour ... It's an addictive and tasty hobby. Recommended.

        4. Richard Cranium

          Re: Why?

          "Bread makers are an excellent invention."

          Or another unnecessary piece of junk to further clutter your kitchen? As we're on The Register we'll all be familiar with Nathan Myhrvold, but what about his post Microsoft career? Cookery! A deeply researched and rather expensive book about bread (around 400 USD). One of his findings it that you can make very good bread without tens of minutes of kneading. Ingredients are simple, not much more than flour, water & yeast. Processing is simple give it a stir, leave it somewhere warm for a while, bash it into a baking tin and leave it in the warm a bit longer, shove it in the oven for half an hour. You end up with a bread shaped loaf, without a metal paddle embedded in the base, OK a couple of hours elapsed time but only a few minutes actual effort. And to save your $400, of his many hundreds of recipes he considers the best to be chocolate & cherry sourdough.

          1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
            Happy

            Re: Why?

            Richard Cranium,

            My bread maker cost about £30. So I could afford to buy ten of them, and still save on buying that book...

          2. ibmalone Silver badge

            Re: Why?

            Upvote for Nathan Myhrvold, "Modernist Bread". Not bought it (because $400 for a multi-volume set I'll never scratch the surface of), but some of it was covered in places like Physics World, and a few of the ideas got me back into doing bread and sourdough. (Still got to try the pineapple juice thing...)

            There is still some convenience in a bread maker handling the different stages for you, so you don't have to wait at home, or get up in the middle of the night. And there's one other thing, related to another tip from that book, that a bread maker does, but you can reproduce without one: baking in a small enclosed space traps the escaping steam, giving a thinner, softer crust, as a steam oven would do. If you don't have a steam oven you can bake your bread inside a larger container; a pair of metal oven dishes, one inverted on top of the other, or a second bread tin upside down on top of the first will do the trick.

            1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

              Re: Why?

              Isn't that a baking cloche?

              But I find it just as easy to replicate a steam oven. Simply boil a bit of water in the kettle, and then pour it into a shallow-ish baking tray and put that on the bottom shelf of the oven just before you put the bread in.

              This also works in other ways to replicate a steam oven. My friend roasts lamb with a baking tray full of garlic and water below it - then at the last minute throws veg in their to boil. Makes the whole house smell of garlicky lamb - which is no bad thing. And in fact spreads the bread smell further as well, when I do it.

              My brother has an automatic steam oven, of which I'm rather jealous. This has a setting for warming up leftovers, which avoids the microwave sogginess - but also massively steams the oven so avoiding the oven-induced dryness as well.

              So I highly recommend bowls of water in your oven.

              French fondant potatoes do something similar. You roast them in a tray of mixed butter and water. So only the tops really crisp up, but the evaporating water sort of pulls the butter into them, makes them very fluffy, as well as keeping the roast meat moist. Not the healthiest though...

              1. ibmalone Silver badge

                Re: Why?

                Isn't that a baking cloche?

                Ah, thank you, hadn't heard the term before. Exactly the same idea. Tried the bowl of water thing previously, but never got it working anywhere near as well (maybe fan assist defeats it, last few ovens I've had have been fan assist or nothing).

                It's a long time since I did fondant potatoes, Christmas might be a good opportunity to remedy that :)

      3. ibmalone Silver badge

        Re: Why?

        I guess most bread makers are under-used, but they're actually great. My mum still uses hers, I get by without, but if you do make your own bread they save you waiting around to get things in and out of the oven at the right time and baking in a small container is in some ways better. A warm freshly baked loaf with butter is hard to beat.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Why?

          "A warm freshly baked loaf with butter is hard to beat."

          I used to make my own bread once in a while. The problem was my housemates would then polish it off in 5 minutes while it was still warm. Too much work for too little return.

          That was the time in the 1970s when people made their own yoghurt - with one pot of a commercial brand to supply the active ingredient. Using one of your own to seed the next batch was not a success.

          1. ibmalone Silver badge

            Re: Why?

            I used to make my own bread once in a while. The problem was my housemates would then polish it off in 5 minutes while it was still warm. Too much work for too little return.

            Ah, but you see, everyone avoids gluten now! So you can sit there smothered in the smell of fresh bread or toast munching away while watching them breaking out into a sweat.

          2. JohnFen Silver badge

            Re: Why?

            "The problem was my housemates would then polish it off in 5 minutes while it was still warm. "

            That's why I always make two loaves at a time. One for now, one for later. Making two at a time is only slightly more effort than making one.

        2. Chris Parsons

          Re: Why?

          We use ours three or four times a week. I love fresh bread, live miles from the shops.

      4. NXM

        Re: Why?

        I agree with others - bread machines are excellent. But I don't like the paddle-shaped hole in the middle, so I put mine on dough mode, take it out and put it in the cooker, then leave it to prove & cook on timer. All I have to do is take it out and nosh it. The machine's paid it's cost off many times over.

        Similarly with the ice cream machine (a frozen bowl thing for the Kenwood) - makes ice cream that involves cream, not hydrolised vegetable protein and a bucket of E numbers. Don't look at the ingredients in most retail "ice cream" if you're going to eat it, because you probably won't want to.

    2. iron Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      Hipster douche bags obviously.

      1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

        Re: Why?

        Hipsters may be a curious life-form but the ones I've come across wouldn't consider a shiny capsule machine. They want authentic, not tinned. Hence the large steam machines in hipster coffee shops.

        1. jmch Silver badge
          Boffin

          Re: Why?

          "Hence the large steam machines in hipster coffee shops."

          That's not just for hipsters, it's for anyone who likes their coffee. Small domestic machines heat the water and generate pressure 'ad-hoc' and so can fluctuate. Industrial espresso machines have individual boilers for steam generating the pressure to push the water to the coffee, and for the water itself, so that both are always at the optimal temperature / pressure.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Why?

            "Hence the large steam machines in hipster coffee shops."

            ... not just that. If you go to one of the online "coffee forums" have a look to see what happens when someone asks for a recommendation of a good coffee machine to buy ... invariably there's a lengthy discussion on there being no point in attempting to make coffe until you've bought a top rated grinder and found a local supplier who can supply freshly roasted beans on a regular basis as without these then its not really worth trying to make coffe.

            1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

              Re: Why?

              Bollocks to all that! I like an espresso every now and then - at which point I shall pay someone else to make it. I can't be arsed to maintain the machine - which in my hard water area would die pretty quickly or require the use of softened water.

              What I mostly want is coffee. Americano is NOT coffee. It's watered down espresso. Which is fine, if you like that sort of thing, but I think is fucking horrible. Because it uses the same beans as espresso, which tend to be dark roasted and so lose most of the nice flavours that you get in a medium roast filter coffee. Although I believe coffee fashion is changing in favour of lighter roasts at the moment, even for espresso. So to make proper filter coffee of decent quality, you just need some nice coffee, kept in an airtight container, preferably in the fridge and a caffetiere/french press/plunger. keep it simple. I think it is slightly nicer if freshly ground, but not so much that I can be arsed to do it every time I want a cup. It would be interesting to know if the coffee snobs can tell in a blind taste test - something that has caught out a lot of supposed wine experts who've given totally different ratings in the same tasting to two identical wines in different bottles.

          2. Chz

            Re: Why?

            " Small domestic machines heat the water and generate pressure 'ad-hoc' and so can fluctuate. Industrial espresso machines have individual boilers for steam generating the pressure to push the water to the coffee, and for the water itself, so that both are always at the optimal temperature / pressure."

            While you're not incorrect, it's largely irrelevant if you're only making one or two coffees in a home system. The thermoblock and coil have more than enough thermal mass for that amount of work. You just can't serve up 8 straight at a party is all. Never mind the point of diminishing returns with all artisan gear - once you hit the £200-250 range for a basic DeLonghi Magnifica, everything past that costs quite a lot more for very little in return.

            There's also the downside to having a decent machine - the beans get expensive. A cheap machine makes them all taste like muck, but once you're grinding fresh and using reasonable temps/pressure it's hard not to buy the expensive ones.

    3. CynicalOptimist

      Re: Why?

      I think you've hit the nail on the head @AndyS

      I would add a few more reasons

      As a hobby:

      3) It has a vibrant online community (and offline community if you live somewhere with a homebrew club)

      4) It offers almost limitless possibilities for geeking out / developing your skills - from building your own brewing equipment to modifying the chemistry of your water - but at the same time, has a relatively gentle learning curve for those just starting out.

    4. MaltaMaggot

      Re: Why?

      5L in 2weeks, perhaps better expressed as just over 8 1/2 pints in 14 days.. seems a bit light

      To achieve satisfactory production output to meet current demand I can foresee requiring several of these deployed in a resilient architecture, with staggered start and a rolling production methodology to ensure future capacity

      Add to that a DR site (probably the smalls bedroom), UPS (somewhere the dog wont chew it) and the insurance i'll need to takeout against my brother turning up unannounced and drinking the entire contents of units 1-3 (whether ready or not)....

      Let alone the retraining of various family members as first line support..

      This is either an ill thought out, hipster "ah-how-quaint-i-made-my-own-beer" folly - or a fantastic Services opportunity....

    5. jmch Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      1. The article says "We contacted LG to find out how much the beer brewer would cost but have yet to hear back. ", so I wouldn't say it negates the cost factor. I guess it will be considerably cheaper than buying from a pub and cheaper than supermarket, and more expensive than full-blown home-brew, but without an exact price it's difficult to see where it fits in. Either way, all the way along the range from full-blown homebrew to going to the pub, you're trading convenience for cost, and this slots in into a currently unoccupied position on that scale. So it's almost certain that the cost/convenience ratio will work for some people.

      2. I'm quite certain that unless they have some DMCA-type technology to only allow their own capsules to work, that some enterprising bods will find a way to reverse engineer the system and tweak the recipes / substitute their own capsules.

      So, it's not for me but it might be a niche hit

      1. Charles 9 Silver badge

        Re: Why?

        "I'm quite certain that unless they have some DMCA-type technology to only allow their own capsules to work, that some enterprising bods will find a way to reverse engineer the system and tweak the recipes / substitute their own capsules."

        Or the machine requires a certain formulation of yeast or other compound...to which LG holds the patent (and no complaining this time as it's a real, physical thing here) so can sue any copycats to extinction.

    6. jake Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      The gear for a 5 gallon batch is about $100 ... or, if you are handy with a welder and have a good scrapyard nearby, you can make a 30 gallon 3-stage system for under 500 bucks.

      However, this thing isn't about brewing beer. This is about "hey, look at me, aren't I cool?". I mean. honestly, what good is a brewing system that cant handle a poker (bridge, Risk, D&D, pick your poison) night?

    7. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      So what is the point of it, and who is the target audience?

      1. To make the manufacturers money and

      2. People with more money than sense (or ability).

      Next!

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: who is the target audience?

      How about trying out some new beers? Weed flavoured beer might be fun.

  3. ARGO

    Beer in the Sodastream?

    Well at least you didn't try to make a milkshake in it, like one of my university housemates did. That took much more than a day to sort out.

    1. }{amis}{ Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

      I've not tried milkshake but one drunken night a bottle of wine was tried, the ceiling of that flat still had pink spots after 2 coats of paint!

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

        I recall a TV program where Heston Blumenthal put Blue Nun through a sodastream and got city boys and girls to blind taste test it against expensive Champagne - the Blue Nun won.

        1. Dr Dan Holdsworth Silver badge

          Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

          I once tried sticking sliced banana in a freeze dryer, after a quick sojourne in the minus-70 freezer beforehand. On the plus side, it did produce vaguely edible freeze-dried banana. On the downside, the texture was rather like discs of banana-flavoured plastic.

          Still, a worthy experiment, unlike the time I told some Computer Science students that the local garden centre was selling large boxes of Nitrate of Potash which even lacked the now-mandatory flame retardants. Now that was a spectacular experiment...

        2. Persona

          Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

          Blue Nun is interesting stuff. Just don't drink it. The prototype for Le Piat D'Or red wine was made with Blue Nun and red food colouring as this would "appeal" to the regular British consumer in 1974 who wasn't quite ready for real red wine. They then went to a French wine producer and asked them to make red wine that looked and tasted that way. It was very popular in its day thanks mainly to an attractive bottle and a huge TV advertising campaign.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

            Le Piat D'Or "

            Je t'adore Piat D'Or. It was actually quite nice to my youthful palate. Now "Or" = "gold" - what is "Piat"? If it had been a golden-ish white wine....?

            1. Intractable Potsherd Silver badge

              Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

              When my parents used to buy the stuff, I referred to it as the "Golden Bazooka" (PIAT = Projector, Infantry, Anti-Tank* - https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/PIAT)**, mainly because of its effect on my mum.

              *I read "Battle" comic every week, and used to be very knowledgeable about arcane bits of killing machinery.

              ** Yes, I know/knew it isn't really a bazooka, but it was funny to my ~13 year old mind :-)

              1. Wincerind
                Pint

                Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

                "but it was funny to my ~13 year old mind"

                I wouldn't worry. I found it funny and I haven't been 13 for well over 40 years..

                1. StevieDee
                  Happy

                  Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

                  I've been 13 for the past 50 years.

              2. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

                "* Yes, I know/knew it isn't really a bazooka [...]"

                There was a Piat D'Or bottle that was more bulbous than a normal wine bottle. Made it look somewhat like the projectile of the German Panzerfaust.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

      Tried to flavour a glass of milk with Rose's Lime Cordial. Had forgotten my basic chemistry that milk is an emulsion - and acids cause it to coagulate.

      Tried making tutti fruitti ice-cream by adding fresh fruit to a commercial soft ice-cream - and whisking it. Basic Physics - friction generates heat - melts ice-cream to liquid. Doh.

    3. NXM

      Re: Beer in the Sodastream?

      I tried converting white wine into prosecco/cava/champagne using the soda siphon. Didn't explode, but also wasn't nearly fizzy enough.

  4. GlenP Silver badge

    Unless the pricing comes in significantly cheaper than I would pay for a decent beer in bottles I really can't see the point.

    I have made my own beer (results variable) and cider* (from both concentrate and apples), it's time consuming and really not worth it most of the time.

    *One cider brew wasn't so much uncontrolled strength as close to a controlled explosion! 8.5% alcohol and so dry you had to have another pint to cure the dry mouth, well that was my excuse.

    1. Joe W

      Cider is supposed to be fully fermented. At least where I come from. It has around 6% alcohol, and the added sorbus domestica gives it a nice bitterness. When working in a highly-priced-alcohol country I made my own from apple juice and sorbus aucuparia berries. Actually quite nice and not much effort. Just bloody long wait...

    2. phuzz Silver badge
      Pint

      I do homebrew the easy way.

      My dad has all the equipment and does all the work, and every year he presents me with a barrel of whatever gut-rot he's managed to brew up this year.

      It's cheap, and it contains plenty of alcohol, what more could anyone wish for?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Homebrewing has grown at an explosive pace"

    Yes - some of my early forays yielded some fairly volatile results.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      In the 1920s my grandparents made Dandelion and Burdock drinks at home. Apparently it was not unusual to hear bottles exploding in the cellar.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Elderflower champage - with only natural yeast - has been known to explode most horribly in my family.

  6. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    Breakfast ale

    Just because you can do something, that doesn't mean that you should.

    1. Ochib
      Trollface

      Re: Breakfast ale

      "Just because you can do something, that doesn't mean that you should." Why not, it has worked so well for Brexit

      1. Ken 16 Silver badge
        Pint

        false comparison

        LG's gadget can organise at least a facsimile of a piss up in a brewery

      2. Ishtiaq
        Unhappy

        Re: Breakfast ale

        Oh just fuck off with the Brexit thing. What has that got to do with booze?

        Cheers… Ishy

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Breakfast ale

        Oh well done. You managed to get Brexit into a discussion about beer. TWAT

  7. a cynic writes...

    If you're that lazy there's a company that has a bag arrangement that is just add water.

    Personally I've found providing you keep everything sterile there's no real problem. Granted I will be cleaning bottles tonight as I've 10 gallons to bottle for Christmas.

    1. Andy Non

      a cynic writes said "keep everything sterile there's no real problem."

      That's it in a nutshell. I used to brew my own beer twenty odd years ago and never had a bad batch. Went on to trying lots of different wines too. My most quaffable invention was grapefruit and sultana wine, AKA falling down water.

      I've recently had to take up wine making again as the house we've moved to has a 30' greenhouse with a mature grape vine. I've made 15 gallons of red wine, approx 14% alcohol. Not a bad drink; just don't drive afterwards or do anything that requires use of your legs.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "My most quaffable invention was grapefruit and sultana wine, [...]"

        The radio club used to have a Xmas party in the clubroom. One member always brought a bottle of his home-made wheat wine - and then drank the spirits brought by other members.

        My first taste of wine - Bulls Blood. Unfortunately no one had brought a corkscrew - so the cork was stabbed to pieces with a screwdriver. You had to drink it with your teeth filtering out the floating bits of cork.

        That same party was my first pr0n film. Very soft by modern standards - superior to Health and Efficiency by not airbrushing nipples. The person who brought it forgot the screen - so it was projected onto the freshly decorated wall. The wallpaper was mostly white - dotted with large bunches of orange flowers. For my introduction to the naked female form it had certain novel overtones.

  8. rmason Silver badge

    Horrible

    It's horrible that they think there is a market for this, and worse still that they are correct.

    There are tonnes of idiots with seemingly unlimited cupboard space for gadgets they use obsessively for 6 months then almost never again.

    Everyone's mileage varies but see also:

    Breadmakers,

    Automatic soup making heated blender things,

    Those connected cocktails mixers (yes, with an app),

    Someone on a local facebook selling page is trying to flog an electric meat slicer (i.e deli-counter style) that "isn't getting much use, brilliant condition".

    1. Kevin Fairhurst

      Re: Horrible

      We picked up an electric meat slicer (can also be used for the bread from the bread machine!)

      It’s fantastic for when I cook the Sunday roast on the BBQ... it slices really nicely so leftovers can be easily used for sandwiches the next day :)

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Horrible

        I still use my 1920s hand cranked deli slicer. I had a new set of sharpening stones made for it, replaced all the bearings/bushings, and found a couple of NOS blades for it in Nebraska. Looks and works like new. The friend I bought it from has replaced the fancy electronic version he replaced it with four times.

        My Wife once pointed out an article where a young couple had to sell either the car or the meat slicer to cover monthly expenses. They kept the slicer. My Wife's comment was "good choice". I took the point; the old girl isn't for sale. Neither is the wife.

    2. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Re: Horrible

      There are tonnes of idiots with seemingly unlimited cupboard space for gadgets they use obsessively for 6 months then almost never again.

      I have very limited cabinet space. I have a rule that if I bring it into the house, it has to be used regularly or it goes to the local thrift store. I still have my bread maker.

  9. Roger Greenwood
    Happy

    5 Litres every 2 weeks?

    I suppose if you put 14 in a row then fair enough

  10. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    For beginners, still wine kits are the best bet.

    The quality is very high for the price ( £45 for 30 bottles worth, plus probably £20 or £30 for equipment ) producing very quaffable fluids.

    Wine is also preferable if bottling because you aren't going to go through more than three a night whereas with bottled beer you're forever sanitising.

    Kegging is the way forward for beer but the cheap plastic kegs with the sodastream Co2 are shit and if you're going to do it properly it costs more and takes up more space ( ~ £100 for a cornie keg, plus an under counter fridge, plumbing, Co2 tank, Co2 pressure regulator, etc ).

    1. Dr Dan Holdsworth Silver badge
      Coat

      Home wine kits also have other uses. One enterprising home vintner and forger worked out that there are people in this world who are daft enough to believe that wine is an investment. They buy bottles of rare and expensive wine, and keep them hoping that these will accrue in value.

      Because the wine is so valuable, they rarely if ever drink the wine.

      This cheeky chappie reasoned that if someone is never going to actually drink the expensive investment wine, then as long as the bottle and label are correct, you can put any old plonk inside the bottle and sell the whole thing on as an expensive investment wine.

      He was finally caught by getting too greedy and not paying enough attention to getting the forgery of the label exactly "right"; when checked the expensive liquid in the bottles turned out to be home-brewed wine.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It degrades us all.

    There is something about being able to do something no one else can, whether it be brewing or something else. If everyone and their dog can do it, it will lose its appeal to any of us who consider ourselves a hobbyist of any sort. But on the upside, we can laugh and point at their little table top brew kits and say , "oh my, how quaint"

  12. Andrew Moore Silver badge

    In fairness...

    ...there's 6-7 of these type of devices already on the market. In fact one, (Brewbot) has already gone bust.

  13. Pirate Dave
    Pirate

    Cranky

    I have to wonder why almost every comment here, made more than 20 minutes ago, has at least 1 downvote. Did anyone check under the bridge? Has corporate sent an emissary to monitor threads about their product?

    Maybe I'm just being too sensitive...

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: Cranky

      I have to wonder why almost every comment here, made more than 20 minutes ago, has at least 1 downvote.

      I've long thought there's a phantom downvoter that lurks around here. He/she/it doesn't seem to attack every set of comments, but you'll often see the 1 downvote on every comment pattern, over a wide variety of subjects..

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Cranky

        "[...] but you'll often see the 1 downvote on every comment pattern, over a wide variety of subjects."

        I call it the Trump*** effect. They down vote a posting which is couched in moderate language supported by facts.

        *** or substitute your own political Narcissus.

  14. John Lilburne Silver badge

    Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell

    "breakfast ale", which required a key ingredient in the form of muesli.

    Whiskey is made from grain and thus equivalent to muesli. Just open up a bottle of Glenfiddich and cut out all the crap.

    1. Charles 9 Silver badge

      Re: Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell

      Never say that in front of a whiskey aficionado. Different grains impart different qualities, thus whiskeys from different regions have different characteristics. A corn-based Bourbon will be different from a barley-based Scotch.

    2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell

      A friend makes whisky from own brand cornflakes for something like 20p/litre. It's surprisingly tolerable. As he drinks his whisky with coke anyway it's perfectly good for the job.

      1. Charles 9 Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: Jeffrey Bernard Is Unwell

        I thought the only proper drink to have with Coke was rum (thus the Cuba LIbre or "Rum and Coca-Cola").

  15. MonkeyCee Silver badge

    Get a keg

    No offence, but for that sort of price I'd get a proper pump fitted and buy kegs from the brewery. Much less faff.

    As for homebrewing, my Dad used to do it. More so in his pre me days :)

    One time he was going on holiday, and so bottled up at batch a week or so early. His room was on the top floor of the digs. When he came home his friend greated him by glaring at him and muttering "you utter bastard". Turns out that said friend had brought their paramour home for the first time, and during their intimate moment the ceiling fell in on them. Turns out those beers popped off a little early, and lead to a chain reaction.

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: Get a keg

      No offence, but for that sort of price I'd get a proper pump fitted and buy kegs from the brewery. Much less faff.

      Keg? No thanks...I'll go to a local real ale brewer and buy a cask.

      Of course, beer in a cask doesn't keep as well as beer in a keg, so you have to drink it all in the space of a week or so.

      Hmmm....I said that like it was some sort of drawback....I have absolutely no idea why I did that.

      1. David 132 Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Get a keg

        Here in the States, most brewpubs will sell you a 64oz jug of beer/cider - usually made of glass but some of the fancier ones are copper and even double-walled. More convenient than a cask/keg, and an easier way to get the beer home than putting the pint glass in your coat pocket, Eddie Hitler-style.

        The jugs are called "growlers". I mentioned this in passing to my brother back in the UK recently, and he collapsed in schoolboy giggles. I'm guessing that the term has another meaning in the rightpond zone? *innocent expression*

        1. John McCallum

          Re: Get a keg Re growlers

          If your brother is in Gods own County Yorkshire a growler is a pork pie. Oh and while I am here are these LG beer brew things going to be like that Juicero abortion.

          1. PhilBuk

            Re: Get a keg Re growlers

            I thought that a 'Growler' was a Class 38 diesel engine.

            Phil.

            1. PhilBuk

              Re: Get a keg Re growlers

              Whoops - sorry. Class 37. Class 38 was never built.

              Phil.

    2. ICPurvis47
      Mushroom

      Re: Get a keg

      When I was a kid, my dad used to brew Elderberry Wine (and other assorted tipple). He didn't have a proper air trap, but used to open the valve on the keg every day to let the pressure out. One time, we went on holiday, and he forgot about the brew, which was on top of the airing cupboard at the top of the stairs. When we returned after four weeks in Scotland (staying at a Granary where they malted barley for whiskey), we discovered that the plastic container had burst, and the downstairs hall ceiling was a patchy shade of purple. Worse was to come when Mum discovered that the whole of the contents of the airing cupboard, linen, towels, and her best undies, was dyed bright purple.

      Also, my Uncle once brewed a 55 gallon oak barrel of cider. He used to draw off a pint or so every so often, "just to see how it's coming along". Of course, it was never deemed to be ready, so no-one else was offered a taste, and long before it was ready, he'd drunk the lot.

  16. BGatez

    Does it have a built in fruit machine?

  17. BigSLitleP
    Trollface

    To brew American beer.....

    You need 5 litres of water......

    And that's it.

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: To brew American beer.....

      Whatever you say bud...

    2. Refugee from Windows

      Re: To brew American beer.....

      and 100,000 gnats of course.

      1. Someone Else Silver badge

        Re: To brew American beer.....

        One of my favorite jokes from back in the day where Coors Banquet wasn't available nationwide.:

        A gentleman in rural Colorado wanted to find out what it was about Coors beer that made it so popular in the American West. So he bought a can, and poured a small amount of it into a specimen container, and sent it off to a lab for analysis. One week later, he received a message from the lab that read: "Dear Sir, I am sorry to inform you that your horse has diabetes."

    3. David 132 Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: To brew American beer.....

      Whereas to brew Australian beer, you just need an elderly kangaroo with bladder control problems.

      Just kidding, my antipodean friends.

    4. Kubla Cant Silver badge
      Windows

      Re: To brew American beer.....

      American IPA and Pale Ale

      WTF is "American IPA"? I wasn't aware that America ever had an empire in India or that they exported Pale Ale to India. And what is IPA, if not Pale Ale?

      A few years ago no USAtians appeared to know or care about decent beer. Suddenly they're flooding the world with inferior imitations of British beer and trying to suggest they've invented something new.

      1. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

        Re: To brew American beer.....

        It's APA - American Pale Ale, using US hops. I'm surprised its taken this long to be the next big thing in beer, I was expecting it to hit mass market ages ago.

        Mind, the interpretation of IPA is becoming a tad flexible too.

  18. Andy E
    Pint

    Not worth the money

    Home-brew is one of my hobbies and its remarkably easy and cheap to make good beer. It doesn't matter wether you bottle or keg the beer after fermentation, it will still need time to condition. This is usually one or two weeks in a warm place and the same in a cold place. Some of my brews spend 6 months conditioning before they are at their best.

    This contraption is likely to give you a mildly alcoholic drink that tastes awful. Mind you it can do it a lot quicker than I can. Save your money and buy a home brew setup or go down the pub.

  19. Simon Harris Silver badge

    Capsule system.

    The thing about a capsule based coffee maker is that I can choose which coffee I want and have it ready within a minute.

    I'm not sure that having a capsule based beer maker, where you have to choose which preset beer you want to drink in two weeks is such a great idea - I'd rather pop out to the 24-hour Tesco* round the corner and see what's in their beer section. If it gave you more choice to select and mix your ingredients, as breadmakers do, drinking your own creation would have more appeal.

    *better beer shops are available, but they're more than 3 minutes from my house.

    1. myhandler

      Re: Capsule system.

      The thing about buying coffee as beans or ready ground is I've got the whole world to choose from and no crap pod nonsense.

    2. Simon Harris Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Capsule system.

      The thing about a capsule based coffee maker is that I can choose which coffee I want and have it ready within a minute.

      Naturally, after writing this, the next coffee capsule I used split and I had to spend the next five minutes mopping up hot water and coffee sludge from the machine and kitchen worktop.

      More of a mess than this ---------------------->

  20. OGShakes

    Brewing is easy!

    Pointless machine that destroys the fun! I have only ever done all grain and only produced one beer that was undrinkable in about 3 years... I will always swear its the crappy 'malt kits' that produce really bad home brew!

    As for the time it takes Brew day is just a excuse for me to play xbox all afternoon with several short breaks to stir, filter and boil.

    Not tried using a Sodastream but I do put all my water through a Brita filter before I start.

  21. Mage Silver badge

    with all the pipework such a thing entails

    Not needed for beer / ale / stout. You only need a big plastic bin. A pipe to fill bottles with crown caps is optional. You can use a jug and optionally a funnel.

    Not really needed for mead (the honey is an expensive ingredient), cider or wine either.

    It's possible distilling (not legal here so I've not tried) needs a pipe for the vapour to condense in. The problem apart from legality, is deciding what the condensate is.

    A purist might start with oats or wheat grain, sprout, roast/malt/ extract. Seems a bit of cheat to buy a can of malt. Fermenting honey or various fruits, blossoms or even sweetish roots is easier than making malt for "beer" from scratch.

    I'm struggling to see how this machine improves on a plastic bin + lid. It's not like coffee where Cafetière, boiled in a pot (ME style), filter, Moka pot, electric percolator and espresso machine all make very different brews. Even different sorts of Espresso machines are different. The capsule coffee/tea machines were a good idea for a shop with a low volume of customers and self service. I had the loan of one and it seemed like a way to pay more to have 2nd rate espresso at home.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coming soon ..

    The sensi-pod. Complete grow your own ganga ....

  23. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    No

    It might produce a brownish liquid with some undefined percentage of alcohol, but is certainly won't be beer

  24. md56

    My mother recounted a true story (maybe her only true story) of helping out on a relative's farm one Autumn. They got around to making the scrumpy, shovelling up the fallen and rotting apples into some kind of large nonhuman digester. At some point, my mother shouted "Stop! You just shovelled in a dead rat!" Arrgh, the farmer said (this said in vernacular, please), tharrts fine, it gives the scrumpy body...

  25. Demosthenes Locke

    I used to homebrew my own beer many years ago. I had two recipes I fancied best: A cherry stout I immediately named "Olde Maidenhead", and a malt-forward bock I called "Howling Black Death Bock".

    After a number of very tasty batches, I decided I'd had enough of making beer and switched to homemade soda. They had nifty names too, like "Brigid's Blessing Cinnamon Ginger Beer", "Bubonicola", and "Skeleton Key Lime Pie" -- which actually did taste like key lime pie, real key lime juice giving it the kick from a good pie filling, but based on a vanilla cream soda base, so after the first tang of the lime, the finish was just like a graham cracker crust lingering on the tongue.

    I called my home brewing concern "Bubonic Brewery, Ltd." The logo was a sketchy looking rat dancing on its hind legs, a beer stein in each of its front paws. Made for catchy labels and some good-natured joking. I imagined commercials for my wares, complete with a catchy tagline: "Look for the sign of the dancing rat -- Bubonic Brewery, Ltd."

    1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

      I did a round of home-made port once. Best bit was the label; from "South London Estates", the tasting notes included "best drunk from a paper bag when hope is lost".

      1. drewzilla79
        Thumb Up

        RE Best bit was the label

        A co-workers label for his home brewed Admiral Akbar It's A Trappist read "Your taste buds can't repel flavor of this magnitude".

        The Trappist tasted like it was filtered through a dirty sock but the style points awarded for his Star Wars punnery made drinking it slightly less painful.

  26. TrumpSlurp the Troll Silver badge
    Pint

    Time and Money

    Back in the day we seemed to have far more time than money. Made wine and beer in large quantities.

    Then came children which did away with much of the spare time.

    These days we can afford to buy enough wine and beer so the long term effort and disruption required to produce buckets of alcoholic beverage don't seem worth it anymore.

    I thought home brewing had more or less died out with cheap supermarket booze so it is good to see it still going. I just need to find someone who wants to buy a job lot of old brewing kit.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Of course there's a market for it

    It will look great in the kitchen next to the bread maker, soup maker, smoothie maker, all-in-one coffee machine and of course let's not forget the Juicero.

    1. NXM

      Re: Of course there's a market for it

      Here's a Juicero:

      https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Juicero-Model-J1-c-juicer/143045258570?hash=item214e296d4a:g:uvkAAOSwq6Nb1Zcl:rk:1:pf:0

      It's been relisted at least once and was (I think) about $600 last time. Useful for the Dead Format Museum, and as an object lesson in how to fleece venture capitalists.

  28. Hubert Thrunge Jr.

    Makes 5L you say?

    Hmmm do they offer discounts for people wishing to buy 14 in one go?

    Is there a pod for Abbot Ale?

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    may have been mentioned but too drunk to read

    Anyone with half a brain will buy 14 of these and once organized will reap a 10 pint harvest daily.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pah ! Home distilling is where it's at.

    Happily been distilling my own own hooch for years (in the UK). Loads of suppliers, and it's a decent dram.

    Every sip, and I raise two fingers to the Chancellor.

  31. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

    Price is key

    I don't mind the quantity, if I drink at home it's usually one pint with food, so eight pints over two weeks isn't that far out there.

    Pricing is more critical, and probably uneconomic. It's possible to get a reasonable beer for £1.50 from the supermarket, and I bet this beer isn't amazing. The pods probably won't be cheap..

    I'd consider buying one if the payback period was under two years, so maximum of around the 600 pound mark including enough pods for two years. After that it saves money. As someone who actually brews also indicated above, that has to be ready to drink, no point in more faffing with this market.

    Homebrewing has its attractions, I've tried home brewed beer from friends, but the quantity produced is huge! Most of my drinking is with friends out of the house.

    I also worked out just how much I spend on alcohol each year, when calculating how much I need to save for a pension. Alcohol is one of the major expenses, and that's not drinking to excess.

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