back to article Capita: We are seeking staff to join our board. Just two please

You've worked at Capita for at least two years, have seen your fair share of colleagues sent down the redundancy chute in that time, been forced to clip travel costs and biz expenses to do your bit toward profitability. You'll also be acutely aware of your employer's plan to automate service delivery, and with it potentially …

  1. Chris G Silver badge

    If

    I was eligible, I would apply and do it fo the money, on condition they didn't tell anyone my name.

    I do have some pride!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If

      I was part of the team running a local authority that had the misfortune to have dealing with this bunch...they were opening known by all as Crapita.

      Could El Reg consider adopting this monika in the same vain as ! For Yahoo?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can

    The office pot plant apply?

    1. DJV Silver badge

      Re: Can

      Nah, too overqualified!

  3. Gronk

    Michael Garibaldi fired all of the BoD members of Edgar Industries and appointed employees to the board as replacements.

  4. Tom 7 Silver badge

    I have experience in developing large computer projects sucessfully.

    So you dont want me then.

  5. N2 Silver badge

    Oh the shame

    Of having to put that on your CV at some point in future.

  6. Mark 85 Silver badge

    An employee director will bring diversity of thought and strengthen as well as being our official scapegoat to our decision-making."

    I suspect this is more like it.... And since the employee board member must continue to perform their duties, that opens up a whole different can of worms such as board meetings, paperwork, etc. taking time away from "normal duties".

  7. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    I think this is a good idea.

    Lewis is obviously up for a challenge and nobody should knock him for it.

  8. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Devil

    Capita offers two lucky employees a poisoned chalice....

    Guess which members of the board get blamed when Capita is still struggling 2 years from now?

  9. Electric Panda

    If they are being "invited", then I wonder what criteria is being used beyond the 24 months of service. I suspect stellar performance ratings and people who are already senior in prole terms.

    Does anyone else detect a faint aroma of bovine faeces? Of course they're going to pick handwavey non-technical types and you bet one of them will be female.

  10. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    To make it easier to create a short list we're making all employees except two redundant.

  11. LucreLout Silver badge

    Arf arf, well done crapita

    I'm proud that Capita will be the first company in decades to appoint employees to its board

    At first, I'm thinking ok, which board? And which board meetings do they attend? Surely contentious stuff will just move to the pre-meeting or post-meeting where the plebs won't attend. But no, read on and this gem awaits...

    The new members will be paid the same annual fee and expenses as other non-exec directors: £64,500.

    In essence then, get paid 4 or 5 times your market rate for an opportunity literally no other employer will ever give you, and in return all you have to do is play nice. That, and hope the shareholders don't vote you down at the next AGM.

    I can only imagine the giggles when this little agenda item came up at the last board meeting.

    1. Teawain

      Re: Arf arf, well done crapita

      Maybe they would have to pay them £64.5K because it could be the last job they ever have?

  12. Raffbone

    Probably an upopular opinion.

    ...but actually, I don't think this is a bad idea.

    You can understand why they would want to hear the actual opinion of someone suffering under poor decision making, rather than "Yes" men hiding the real issues.

    Yeah, there's going to be some awkward conversations when they talk about downsizing departments and the foreknowledge that that might bring to the unlucky buggers and their colleagues, and that will need to be handled properly/delicately.

    And yes, I will enjoy my downvotes in hell.

  13. Teawain

    Custard creams

    Of course you'd have to bring your own Custard Creams to the meeting after you'd obtained three quotes and chose the cheapest and then sub contracted that out to Biscaroo for delivery at the lowest rates possible.

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