back to article Peak tech! Bacon vending machine signals apex of human invention

Lovers of pork products rejoice! There is now a vending machine from which you can indulge in porcine pleasure until the, er, pigs come home. The bad news? This is only happening in the US... for now. In a pilot programme, the Ohio Pork Council (OPC) has installed the device in the Meat Sciences Department of the Ohio State …

  1. jake Silver badge

    Which is better?

    Neither.

    The only bacon worth eating is homemade. Period. End of discussion.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Which is better?

      > The only bacon worth eating is homemade. Period. End of discussion.

      Prosecution: Your honour, we intend to show that the defendant's statement is i-rasher-nal.

      Judge Rind-er: Sustained!

    2. Fungus Bob Silver badge

      Re: Which is better?

      Doesn't matter. Bacon is meat candy.

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Which is better?

      I agree with Jake, but if homemade isn't available then I'm impartial to US or UK styles as long as it's "thick" and not paper thin charcoal. Bacon in all it's types is wonderful and a gift from the Food Gods.

    4. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Re: Which is better?

      > The only bacon worth eating is homemade.

      I wish. Unfortunately after 40 years of trying, I can't reliably cook decent bacon to my liking.

      If I could, I'd probably be 600lbs. And so would my dog.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Which is better?

        Gene, proper bacon doesn't require cooking. It's fully cured and ready to eat as-is.

        That said, try your oven. Times/temps available in your .fav search engine.

        1. Symon Silver badge

          Re: Which is better?

          "proper bacon doesn't require cooking"

          Does curing the meat kill the Trichinella cysts?

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trichinosis

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Which is better?

            No, the cure doesn't always kill trichinella. But trichinella is far, far less common than salmonella in domestic fowl here in the lower 48, and I see no issues eating raw eggs (salad dressings, ice cream, etc.). There are typically fewer than 25 human cases of trichinosis each year here in the US, and most of those are NOT related to hogs or other domestic critters, but wild game.

            Commercial hogs here in the US are particularly safe, so your local meat market's pork bellies are probably OK. Home raised hogs depend on the owner's ability to follow guidelines. If in doubt, cook it. I trust mine. I do NOT usually trust wild boar.

            1. harmjschoonhoven
              Mushroom

              @jake Re: Which is better?

              Maryn McKenna writes in Scientific American of April 2012 that the Center for Disease Control and Prevention estimated in 2011 that the U.S. (population 2011 311.6 million) sees 48 million illnesses, 128,000 hospitalizations and 3,000 deaths every year from foodborne organisms. The Europen Union (population 2009 502.09 million) had 48,964 cases and 46 deaths in 2009.

              1. jake Silver badge

                Re: @jake Which is better?

                That's all very nice and all, harmjschoonhoven, but I fail to see how it has anything whatsoever to do with anything that I posted in this thread. Care to elucidate?

        2. This post has been deleted by its author

    5. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Which is better?

      The only bacon worth eating is homemade. Period. End of discussion.

      Do you mean home-made or home-cooked?

      It's a hell of a big job to find somewhere in your house where you can salt and smoke half a pig. I find the locally-cured bacon from our butcher down the road is excellent (and more like a steak than a 'slice'). And nicely grilled at home, in a soft white bap, with <insert sauce of choice>. Yum.

      But having said that, a decent freshly-cooked bacon roll from a roadside van (fat trimmed off) is often a delight.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Which is better?

        You don't need to turn an entire half a pig into bacon. You can start with little bits of pig. Guanciale comes to mind ... In the Italian tradition it's not normally smoked, but who's quibbling? Pork bellies are easier to find and are a good "learner" bacon.

        Rinse & dry the bit of pork to be cured. Put it on a large piece of plastic wrap and add salt, maybe with sugar/honey/maple syrup (to taste). Pepper, juniper, allspice or bay/laural etc. can be added if you like. Then wrap securely in the plastic wrap. I usually wrap it in two more layers. Place in a tray (to capture any leaks) and stash it at the back of the lowest shelf in your fridge. I usually go 10 to 14 days per inch of pork, turning it over once or twice per day. When cured to your taste, smoke on green apple twigs, again to taste.

        People have been curing and smoking meat at home for millennia. It's not exactly rocket science.

        If you don't have a dedicated smoker, either make one (you tube for instructions?) or purchase one. I use and recommend the Masterbuilt brand electric smokers for small, family sized projects. Can get one large enough to smoke a couple of medium sized pork bellies (or four whole spatchcocked chickens, or one dismembered 28 pound turkey, or ~25 pounds of homemade sausage) for about US$200. Mine is nearly 10 years old, gets used 5 or 7 times per month, and shows no sign of falling apart. It's an investment that keeps on delivering a dividend.

        1. Locky Silver badge

          Re: Which is better?

          What we need now is a Lester-style investigation of what is the be bacon.

          El Reg, you know what to do

      2. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge
        Boffin

        Re: Which is better?

        Upvote for more like a steak.

        Almost a downvote for soft white bap.

        The perfect bacon sandwich is a couple of bacon slices/steaks between two gammon rounds.

        1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          Re: Which is better?

          Almost a downvote for having bacon on anything other than either a (large) plate or a barmcake.

        2. Anne-Lise Pasch

          Re: Which is better?

          And wrapped in bacon

      3. Benchops

        Re: Which is better?

        Home-made presumably means rearing the pig in the first place?

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Which is better?

          You don't have to raise it yourself, but it's more satisfying if you do.

          1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

            Re: Which is better?

            From bacon seed to bacon.

      4. Clunking Fist Bronze badge

        Re: Which is better?

        "freshly-cooked bacon roll from a roadside van (fat trimmed off) is often a delight."

        Fat trimmed off? What are ya, a vegan?

    6. Jedit
      Paris Hilton

      "The only bacon worth eating is homemade"

      What, you mean "long pig"? A bold and audacious statement to be making.

      (Paris, because she's enjoyed a bit of pork in her time I am told.)

    7. Ken 16 Silver badge
      Trollface

      Long pig?

      Home made rather than home grown suggests auto cannibalism

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Quorn bacon.

    I'll get me coat.

    1. defiler Silver badge

      They look, feel and taste like shoe insoles. Their sausages are substantially better, but that's because I suspect many brands of sausage have just about as much meat in them...

    2. jake Silver badge

      Quorn bacon?

      Git a rope ...

    3. Anonymous Cowtard

      As a lifelong non-carnist who has never eaten meat bacon : Quorn bacon is not an edible foodstuff. Yuck.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Cowtard ...

        ... have you tried the coconut version of bacon? When done right, it's nearly indistinguishable from the real thing. Completely surprised me! I keep it on hand for our vegan friends.

        1. Anonymous Cowtard

          Re: Cowtard ...

          Coconut bacon sounds like a Reeves & Mortimer sketch, I'll order some purely for that reason :)

        2. Clunking Fist Bronze badge

          Re: Cowtard ...

          You have... vegan friends?

    4. Kane Silver badge
      Mushroom

      "Quorn bacon."

      Fuck off.

      "I'll get me coat."

      No, you won't. You can fucking well walk home in the rain.

  3. vir

    I'll throw my hat in the ring for American bacon (streaky bacon?).

    Not too much fat, but enough so that it crisps up nicely and gives you that crunchiness that you can't get without close intermingling of fat and meat. Bacon weights help, as well as a not-too-hot pan.

    1. LenG

      You're kidding, right? My memory of bacon in the US was that there was virtually no meat on it at all - just fat cooked until it rivaled the hardness of my tooth enamel.

      Nice dry-cured wood-smoked back bacon is what you really want - you can taste the meat and you don't get that disgusting scum from the injected water or the unpleasant aftertaste of sprayed-on essence of wood smoke (AKA tar).

      1. cookieMonster

        I'd upvote this 20 times if I could. US bacon (from my 10+ visits there) is pants.

        1. vir

          If you had it from a hotel breakfast buffet, then it was most likely was the precooked stuff heated up in a steam tray which is to good bacon what a can of cooked peas is to the fresh kind. Even many restaurants will just have a tub of thin bacon (profit margins!), burnt to a crisp, sitting off to the side and congealing. It's not hard to find the good stuff; many butcher shops will have meaty, thick cut - or if you're lucky, slab - bacon that they smoke themselves. I've got nothing against back bacon, but it's a shame to see so many people put off by inferior versions of something that can be so good.

          Hate me.

          1. Toni the terrible

            You said Peas

            Whats wrong with canned mushy peas, great stuff. I even eat canned Brussel Sprouts!

        2. jake Silver badge

          Not just US ...

          ... most commercial bacon everywhere is pants.

          1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

            Re: Not just US ...

            most commercial bacon everywhere is pants.

            Unless you're Lady Gaga, in which case it can be a complete outfit

            1. A. Coatsworth
              Flame

              Re: Not just US ...

              It is the "American Beer Syndrome"

              Of course there are good beers in the US, but you'd never know it if you only taste the popular brands commonly available.

              Same with bacon. You don't need to go full homemade like Jake here (although it does sound cool), but it is necessary to look a bit harder beyond the all-you-can-eat buffet trays to find the good stuff...

        3. M.V. Lipvig

          Next time you're in the US try Arkansas bacon. It's bacon that's so meaty that it's practically ham.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Arkansas Bacon is also known as ...

            ... cottage bacon and buckboard bacon. It's basically boneless pork shoulder, dry cured & smoked. It's easy to make at home, bacon cure recipes are available all over TheIntraWebTubes. Cure in a ziplock for a week to ten days in the bottom, back corner of your fridge, turning once or twice per day. No need to be anal about it, I left one batch un-turned for thee weeks, it tuned out fine after I soaked it in water for a day to remove excess salt. Smoke over green apple wood at 200-210F until done to taste, about 140-150F internally, 3-4hours. Slice & prepare as you would any other bacon. This particular cut of cured meat is a really, really good excuse to "need" a slicer!

  4. FozzyBear Silver badge
    Flame

    What outrages me the most is the authors' suggestion that bacon is a mere snack.

    SNACK?

    SERIOUSLY?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      FozzyBear,

      I thought Bacon was a separate essential food group ???!!! :)

      Re: US/UK Bacon

      For a burger US Bacon is the best topping as it crisps up easily.

      For Bacon as a food source UK Bacon, smoked if possible.

    2. jake Silver badge

      No, not a snack.

      Bacon is my favorite vegetable.

  5. rcxb

    This doesn't sound like the USA I know... That bacon should be chocolate-covered!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      With a side helping of strawberries?

      1. defiler Silver badge

        With a side helping of strawberries?

        Which will be treated as garnish and left, given the last time I saw Americans eating bacon...

        1. Toni the terrible

          leave the garnish?

          Who leaves the garnish? As it is usually edible eat it, you paid for it.

    2. jake Silver badge

      Strangely enough ...

      Dark chocolate dipped streaky bacon is really, really tasty. Just make sure it's good dark chocolate (85% or better) and good bacon, fried crispy but not glass-like ... it need a little chew to it. Sometimes I dust it with a little chipotle powder. Food of the gawd/ess(s)!

      1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

        Re: Strangely enough ...

        If we're getting into discussion about ways to augment bacon, for better or worse.... next time you're frying some bacon, when it's nearly cooked throw a glug or two of rum into the frying pan and pop a lid on for a minute. I highly recommend it :-)

        1. Steve Gill

          Re: Strangely enough ...

          But bacon doesn't need to cook for a whole minute - anything over 40 seconds and you risk it drying out and hardening :-o

        2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          Re: Strangely enough ...

          If you're going to augment bacon, it should be done with fried eggs and black pudding. Barmcake optional.

          1. Toni the terrible

            Re: Strangely enough ...

            And chips, obviously

      2. Kane Silver badge

        Re: Strangely enough ...

        Got to agree with jake on this one. My experiments with bacon over the years have produced some remarkable results. Dark chocolate is one of the exceptionally tasty ones.

        Another great one is a coating of brown/dememara sugar during the cooking process - cinnamon optional, then allow to cool.

        Mmmmm, candied bacon!

      3. defiler Silver badge

        Re: Strangely enough ...

        Dark chocolate dipped streaky bacon

        Not remotely surprising. I remember reading about a delicacy in Georgia (think Tbilisi, not Atlanta) which was cooked pork fat covered in really dark chocolate. First impression was "eww", and after a minute "oooh". Bacon can't be that different.

        Also, The Simpsons came up with bacon and fudge, which sounds amazing.

  6. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Go

    In keeping with usual pricing for tech products...

    The Bac-o-Matic will be available in Europe, but the price per strip will be 2 Sterling or 2 Euros instead of $1.

  7. Ima Ballsy
    Coat

    I Hope ....

    our federal government doesn't try to hog in on the action. Otherwise, there will a lot pork in the regulations .....

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge

      Re: I Hope ....

      I don't think the Feds will mess this up. If anything, this is the ultimate pork-barrel politics opportunity.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about a pork barrel machine - handing out $1 bills?

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge
      Flame

      For a proper American style park barrel, you fuck a hole in the barrel and then get paid a dollar. Inside the barrel is a poor person.

    2. Frank Bitterlich

      Pork barrel

      To me it looks like that already. A vending machine that wants a dollar for products that have been donated?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Which is better?

    I'm born & raised 'merican, eaten bacon from the U.S. of A. all my life, and truly think bacon is a basic food group. That said, I can NOT believe U.K. bacon could be worse than ours. The pathetically thin, "fatback with a brown stripe painted on it" American product always disappoints. You Brits have to be doing better.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I like vertical bacon.

  11. Norman Nescio Silver badge

    The best bacon

    Is more than 1/8" thick, rind on, has adequate fat, not injected with water and/or polyphosphates, and grilled*. My preference is for unsmoked, but others prefer smoked, which is fine.

    Bacon that is so thin that it is translucent, pumped full of polyphosphates and water so it dies by drowning in a frying pan is not bacon, but a transparent grab at profits by the manufacturers.

    *If frying, I'll agree with a previous poster that the frying pan should not be too hot. You want sufficient fat to render out before the bacon carbonises, then fry the eggs and bread in the rendered fat. A lot of really good bacon won't give enough fat, so you need to add lard.

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: The best bacon

      I agree almost 100% - but would go with smoked every time.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The best bacon

      "[...] then fry the eggs and bread in the rendered fat."

      and the sausage, tomatoes, cheese, and mushrooms. With Potteries oatcakes to transport it to your mouth - and dribbling down your chin.***

      ***You have to be really posh to use a knife and fork to cut the filled oatcake into pieces.

      1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        Re: The best bacon

        and the sausage, tomatoes, cheese, and mushrooms. With Potteries oatcakes to transport it to your mouth - and dribbling down your chin.

        Cheese???? And you forgot t' black pudding. And tinned tomatoes, not fresh.

    3. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      Re: The best bacon

      At Norman Nescio, re: smoked bacon.

      How do you smoke it? Do you pack it in a fat bong? Tuck it into papers? Just roll it into a tube & ignite the end?

      Curious (and demented!) minds want to know.

      =-)p

    4. jake Silver badge

      Re: The best bacon

      Bacon is always smoked. By definition. Without smoke it's just salt pork.

      1. johnnybee

        Re: The best bacon

        Nope. It's always cured, but not necessarily smoked.

        You mentioned guanciale earlier... If that is smoked, it's not guanciale... In my view, jowls don't count as bacon either, but I seem to have been outvoted on that.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: The best bacon

          johnnybee ... I see that Wiki (that well known organ of all that is truth and light) agrees with you about smoked vs nonsmoked. I related things the way I was raised ... Regional differences?

          Re: guanciale, as I said it's not traditional. But try it. Tasty.

        2. Norman Nescio Silver badge

          Re: The best bacon

          In my view, jowls don't count as bacon either, but I seem to have been outvoted on that.

          Pigs jowls might also be known as Bath Chaps, a speciality my father much enjoyed.

          What counts as 'bacon' may well be country/culture specific, so I wouldn't say you are wrong, but in my culture bacon made from pigs jowls doesn't exist, but as anything made from a pig is usually tasty, I'd be willing to give it a try.

  12. Marketing Hack Silver badge

    Not a big bacon-eater myself...

    I'm at that age where I am trying to watch fat intake.

    However, I would like to make a humble testimonial on the behalf of bacon grease, which makes the best popcorn. No butter or salt required!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not a big bacon-eater myself...

      Christmas is coming - and my annual fry-up. Unfortunately the essential Potteries oatcakes have to come by courier - and they take three consecutive breakfasts to consume the minimum order quantity.

      Long gone are my days when the converted front room of a nearby house would be a Sunday morning purveyor of fresh oatcakes. My task was to fetch them - hot from the griddle - and arrive home just as the family's fry up reached the table.

    2. Fungus Bob Silver badge

      Re: Not a big bacon-eater myself...

      Bacon grease is also ideal for cooking eggs.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not a big bacon-eater myself...

      > I'm at that age where I am trying to watch fat intake.

      Don't worry about fat - it's the sugar that's bad for you.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not a big bacon-eater myself...

        "Don't worry about fat - it's the sugar that's bad for you."

        Two doctors did a programme for BBC TV. One concentrated on eating mainly fatty foods - the other sugary foods. This went on for a month - with regular medical tests.

        The trial was stopped when one of them started to show pre-diabetic results.

        Surprisingly it was the one one eating the fatty food. By the way - the two doctors are identical twins Dr Chris and Dr Xand van Tulleken.

        Vimeo has the programme video - on a channel by apparently one of the production team.

  13. OffBeatMammal

    having living in the US for a decade, I can safely say that not only is the British style better, discovering a local farmer who sells it to the ex-pat community in the Seattle area was a delight!

  14. ozfoggy

    Neither

    Australian bacon rules...oi, oi, oi

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Neither

      ozfoggy,

      [Sorry ;)]

      Not if you make your Bacon out of Sheep ???!!!

      [Ducks & runs]

      P.S.

      It does exists ..... Really !!!!! See ... https://lambbacon.com.au/

      1. Oengus Silver badge

        Re: Neither

        Not if you make your Bacon out of Sheep ???!!!

        Wrong side of the pond... That's Kiwis.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Neither

          We've been making lamb bellies into bacon here in Northern California for a lot longer than I've been alive. Bacon knows no national borders!

    2. Alister Silver badge

      Re: Neither

      Australian bacon rules...oi, oi, oi

      Welsh Bacon is best... Hoggy, Hoggy, Hoggy, OI, OI OI!

      :)

  15. Dwarf Silver badge
    Pint

    True innovation

    Well, I suppose that V1.0 was the pork scratching vending machine and this innovation is indeed a step in the right direction, however, but now its time to upgrade their great concept to something far, far better - the hog roast vending machine.

    Imagine that, you see the spit and get the smell for hours before hand, then at the correct time, pure porcine perfection with taste, fat and none of that "garnish" that people insist on putting on the plate.

    The second option is an on-demand, just cooked proper bacon and egg roll with thick English bacon, fresh eggs and your choice or soft or crusty roll and brown or tomato sauce, oh and a napkin to catch all that juicy and tasty fat.

    These innovations would be an absolute money spinner and both get very close to proving that from a sows ear, you can indeed make something of value, even if its only pork scratchings.

    I suddenly feel the need to go for a pint at the local pub for the appropriate accompaniment.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: True innovation

      On a visit to the seaside resort of Seaton Carew, NE England, in the 1970s there was a chip (frites, fries) vending machine. IIRC it actually delivered them hot. Nice place - until you turned to face inland to see the Mordor landscape of chemical industry flares.

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: True innovation

      far better - the hog roast vending machine.

      No... just no. Best hog roast requires a pit, lots of wood that's now smoldering charcoal, and a whole pig. Oh.. time. Depending on the master cook (I bow at these who know the craft well) it can take up to 24 hours to make pork heaven.

      1. cookieMonster

        Re: True innovation

        Agree, we done one for my mum's 70 birthday, took about 9 hrs on an ember bed to cook a suckling pig, but OMG was it worth the wait :-)

      2. Dwarf Silver badge

        Re: True innovation

        @Mark 85

        That's what I was trying to picture in a vending machine.

        Put another way, the The Hog Roast O'Matic, just with a vending machine function too that dispenses the goodness after its all done.

        Clearly I failed in painting the picture, or possibly all your brains decided to picture reference material from real world experience, rather than something promised from a product that doesn't exist yet. As you can probably tell, I don't work in marketing, but can see an engineering opportunity.

      3. jake Silver badge

        Re: True innovation

        Sometimes over 24 hours. I often go 36 hours when I'm cooking whole hog. But yes, low and slow is the way to go.

  16. Not Enough Coffee

    The most impressive bacon I ever saw was the plate-full James Herriot had trouble consuming on the All Creatures Great and Small show.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I think I remember that one. He asked for some sauce as he thought it would make the job a bit easier, and got given a jar of weird-looking piccalilli

  17. MrMerrymaker

    The best bacon is

    Whatever I have when I wake up after a boozy night!

    Worst is no bacon. Or gammon, I suppose.

  18. Patrick Marino

    Pork Roll

    In NJ we prefer Taylor Ham. Seriously.

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pork_roll

  19. Shadow Systems Silver badge
    Flame

    Just my pair of coppers...

    I'm unfortunately on the wrong side of the Pond & thus forever doomed to the shite American's call "bacon". Paper thin strips of 90%+ fat/10%- meat-like-substance, injected with water, chemicles, & other things best left unsaid for fear of projectile vomiting. All cooked to the consistency of charcoal briquettes of burnt shoe leather & served in a fashion that only a masochist could love...

    I have tasted the ambrosia that is *real* Bacon from an ExPat butcher that prided herself on knowing "how it should be done", and to her I offer my eternal gratitude. They were strips thick enough to look like meat, enough of a meat:fat ratio to be obvious it was an actual MEAT product (as in "from an animal" versus "off a conveyer belt"), & cooked to a juicy, tender, heavenly perfection that made me realize that "Hey, Bacon is Meat. My steak doesn't go crunch, so why should my Bacon? Chefs shouldn't be burning the Bacon!" & thus begin my own personal campaign of anti-burnt-pseudo-Bacon in restaurants & at home.

    I know the "Burnt is good!" crowd will probably flame broil & rake me over the coals with the down votes, but I feel I must strip away the crunchy FUD & get to the tender Truth of the matter. =-)p

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Just my pair of coppers...

      "My steak doesn't go crunch, so why should my Bacon?"

      In my childhood bacon was cooked on a metal plate under a hot gas grill. The rind was quite thick - and would expand and "pop" into a crispy texture. The bacon was also crisp. It was not allowed to burn.

      A perfect combination for a sandwich with avocado. Crunchy smoked bacon - creamy avocado - tasty brown bread.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: Just my pair of coppers...

        Downvote just for mentioning the bollock fruit.

  20. Andy Mac

    It wasn't until I came to Australia that I found supermarkets selling middle bacon, with both the meaty bit and the streaky bit all in one convenient package.

    The only downside is that you're required to inform your health insurer when you buy it.

    Edit: Oh my, I've just discovered the bacon wiki: http://bacon.wikia.com

  21. JustWondering
    Happy

    Simple

    There is no such thing as bad bacon. Just some is better than others. If you can't be with the bacon you love, love the bacon you are with

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Simple

      I've had absolutely awful bacon.

    2. katrinab Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: Simple

      Yes there is. The Tesco Value "bacon" is particularly vile. Aldi and Waitrose are good though.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Simple

      As a veggie, I should not really comment on this, but during some time spent in Jakarta the other expats (Americans, Canadians, Aussies) seemed particularly hostile to the "Turkey Bacon" served for breakfast there.

      1. Toni the terrible

        Re: Simple

        I'm afraid Islamic countries do not know Bacon must come from pigs and not turkeys, pig bacon comes with a fatwah as garnish...

        1. Outski

          Re: Simple

          Beef bacon can sometimes be acceptable (E&O hotel in Penang springs to mind), but turkey bacon is just all sorts of wrong

  22. StuntMisanthrope Bronze badge

    A late triviality.

    Having given up technology and downed tools, like much everyone else. I'm only now comforted on a daily basis, by my pork scratching advent calendar. Fire, the wheel, sliced bread and now the pinnacle. I have a theory, evolution will start to reverse. #stopyouvemissedaclause

  23. Scott 29

    Canadian

    Don’t the Canadians have an iron in this fire? Canadian bacon, eh?

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Canadian

      So-called "Canadian" bacon is an artifact of American marketing and has absolutely zero to do with our Kanukistan cousins. It is basically pork tenderloin that is salt-cured, very lightly smoked (sometimes to the point of being unnoticeable), and fully cooked. It is essentially deli (sandwich) meat, but some people like to turn it into leather by cooking it on pizza.

      1. Michael Strorm

        Re: Canadian

        More specifically, according to Wikipedia, "Canadian" bacon appears to be the American name for a cooked version of what everyone else- Canadians included- refer to as back bacon.

        Quite why Americans would feel the need to pre-cook back bacon in particular beats me.

  24. Brad Ackerman
    Pint

    Jimmy's Farm makes sausage with bacon in it. There's no question that Britannia rules the waves when it comes to pork products.

    1. Pedigree-Pete
      Pint

      @BradA ref Britannia rules the waves when it comes to pork products.

      Simple rule here, Welsh lamb, Scotch Beef and English Pig. Bring on the Gloucester Old Spot sausages. :)PP

      >>To wash it all down.

  25. John Savard Silver badge

    Learned Something New

    I thought you guys in the UK had to import your bacon from Denmark! I remember buying some Danish bacon that was available in Canada, and found it just as good or maybe even slightly better than our own product, so if UK bacon is as good as that, it probably stacks up to American bacon as well.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Learned Something New

      UK > Denmark > Left pondia

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Learned Something New

      John Savard,

      We like bacon so much that apparently we've run out of room for pigs. So we've bought a lot of it from Denmark for years now.

      Food markets are weird. For example the UK exports a lot of lamb to the rest of Europe and then imports loads from New Zealand to eat ourselves. Seems rather strange that we don't eat our own and let the Kiwi stuff go off to Europe - and save a bit of transport costs.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Learned Something New

        Same with fish. Catches in UK waters are mostly mackerel and sardines which are not that popular in the UK, so we export ~90% (mostly to the EU) and import the white fish which most people seem to prefer - e.g. our local chippy, in a piss-take of "artisan" food shops, have put up a board telling you exactly which Norweigian trawler caught the fish you've just ordered.

        1. Toni the terrible

          Re: Learned Something New

          Well being a UKian I love mackrel & Sardines but the latter usually comes canned from Portugal

      2. Toni the terrible

        Re: Learned Something New

        Can't understand the market in lamb - much prefer fresher lamb grown here e.g., Rosedale lamb. Heck I even like UK mutton.

  26. Roger Greenwood

    Delivery by drone surely?

    Is that not the obvious delivery method?

    I think they missed a trick there for some excellent publicity.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Delivery by drone surely?

      very good

  27. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    products donated by the likes of US food producers … Hormel.

    A vending machine that can SPAM you. Cue Vikings

    1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      Try the spam, bacon, bacon, bacon and spam

      that's not got much spam in it.

  28. TonyJ Silver badge

    No one else...

    ...picking up on the fact that this vending machine is in the "Meat Sciences Department"???

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Re: No one else...

      Oh yes... a worthy cause for the benefit of humanity.

      https://ansci.osu.edu/undergraduate/areas-study/meat-science

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This story is anti-semitic

    I'm outraged and insulted, my rights have been violated.

  30. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

    Re: achingly hip

    Vegan eh?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: achingly hip

      In the 1970s an apparently devout vegetarian friend admitted to the occasional lapse with a bacon butty.

  31. katrinab Silver badge
    Happy

    Can I suggest Danish, or Irish. British is good too.

    As for the American stuff, the Trade Descriptions Act makes it illegal to call that bacon here.

  32. Noel Morgan

    My favourite type of BLT sandwich

    Bacon

    Little bit more bacon

    Two more slices of bacon......

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      The Vimes special?

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        You mean a BACON lettuce and tomato sandwich then?

        1. Bluto Nash

          Oh, I CERTAINLY enjoy a BLT sandwich.

          Once I pick the L and T off of it.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sorry for (my) loss

    I used to be a big (English) Bacon Eater, but now I am not allowed. :-(

    Unfortunately, the Purines contained in pork and some other meat products activate my Gout, so they are barred from my diet.

    Honestly, I could kill for a bacon sandwich right now, but tomorrow my hands would have seized up and my feet would be swollen and sore. BAH!

    Allopurinol helps somewhat, but best to avoid.

    1. Toni the terrible

      Re: Sorry for (my) loss

      Prunes in Bacon? Bacon should be just sliced pig. It's those vegans again!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sorry for (my) loss

        No, not prunes, Purines. D'Oh!

  34. Matt Collins

    Bittersweet story

    This otherwise joyous news serves to remind me of how much we miss Lester and his work. I like to think he'd have pipped them to this particular post if only one of us had thought of it and put it to the SPB.

  35. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

    Another way to skin the cat...

    ...oh, sorry, this is not about a hot dog. Horrible thing, that. They are at most only 25pct dog!

    Bacon! The fifth food group. Oh, how I love it, but can no longer indulge as much. Good substitute: get yourself some decent local turkey ... slicr think and soak in a lime / pepper solution, then smoke along with some jalapeno peppers. Serve on a skewer with some fresh bell pepper slices and said jalapeno.

    Pro tip: do not smoke Carolina Reapers in such a way that the smoke can enter your house. No particular reason for this tip, just sayin'

  36. Craig 2

    Peak Tech?

    More like Pork Tech...

  37. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    US Bacon...

    Yes, ok... eat the US bacon, even if it (IMHO) is not very good. Just don't question the horrific conditions the poor old pigs are raised in.

  38. ADJB

    Faith in technology

    Articles like this are what keep my faith in technology alive when your bring flooded with IOT devices and other worthless crap.

  39. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    Finally, the Industrial Revolution pays off.

  40. DCFusor Silver badge

    ?

    Seems to me the people complaining about American bacon - as if that was a singular thing...are missing something important.

    Just like chinesium you get cheap from "bigvendor" yeah, the stuff you just buy precooked somewhere is going to be terrible - just like every other thing they offer. This is news?

    If you do your own shopping and preparing, you can get heavenly bacon in the US, I do all the time.\

    But then if I go to a modern supermarket (vs the small town market I usually use) - I've noticed that if microwave ovens and/or freezers were to quit working, most of America would starve or die of a soda pop/potato chip overdose, since it seems no one knows how to cook anymore....

    Cities. ugh, all this crap is in cities where people think they are civilized but long ago lost anything but the advertising to those of us in more "salt of the earth" locations. There is only one fast-food outlet in the entire county I live in - and no one goes there.

    I'd bet the US isn't alone there...it may be ahead, but it's a matter of degree.

    There are plenty of specialty outfits in the US that sell the best bacon on earth, or so I'm convinced - if there's any better I wouldn't be able to tell and would be confused about whether I'd died and gone to heaven.

  41. Brian Miller

    Extend RFC 2324

    Extend the coffee protocol and support fresh-fried bacon! Really, that's the only way to do it.

  42. MonsieurTM

    Come on, UK obviouy. Smoked back bacon is food of the Gods!

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