back to article Canuck couple returns home after night on tiles to gaggle of randomers hanging out in their flat

Picture the scene, if you will. You and your partner have just rolled in through the front door after a rare and welcome night out on the lash. You might put the coffee on, maybe swipe a cheeky nightcap, before falling into bed and quickly deciding you're both too hammered to do what lovers do and drift off into deep, …

  1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    The landlord [..] denied ever passing Mongrain's keys to the group

    In other words, they got access to the flat but not because of him ?

    So he's basically accepting responsibility for having shit security ?

    Either that, or he's a liar.

    In both cases, it's time to get the hell out of there.

    1. User McUser

      Re: The landlord [..] denied ever passing Mongrain's keys to the group

      A third possibility is that the door was left unlocked (on purpose or by mistake) and the merry men of macaroni simply entered the wrong flat by honest mistake.

      1. BebopWeBop Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: The landlord [..] denied ever passing Mongrain's keys to the group

        And of course helped themselves to portable valuables 'by mistake'

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The landlord [..] denied ever passing Mongrain's keys to the group

        A third possibility is that the door was left unlocked

        Quite possible in Canada actually.

  2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

    "Thank God we were insured," the frazzled tenant said.

    What kind of insurance is it that pays for your home becoming a hippie center unannounced?

    Would it be listed under "acts of God"?

    1. Fungus Bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

      Only if the god was Bacchus......

      1. Giovani Tapini

        Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

        It was Canada, so micro uzi not allowed I am afraid..

        1. Spanners Silver badge
          Holmes

          Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

          It was Canada, a civilised country, so micro uzi not allowed I am afraid..

          FTFY

          1. RegGuy1

            Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

            It was ANY Canada, a civilised country, so micro uzi not allowed I am afraid..

            FTFY

            FTFY

            :)

          2. jake Silver badge

            Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

            Of course, by "civilized country" you actually mean "a country where the .gov can do whatever it likes, secure in the knowledge that even if it eventually pisses off enough of the populace, the proles won't be able to do anything about it".

            1. d3vy Silver badge

              Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

              @jake..

              I'm interested, what exactly do you think a population armed with rifles, handguns and (possibly semi auto rifles) will do against a government which spends more on its military than any other country on the planed (by a large margin)?

              Point your Glock at the sky and try to take out the predator drone streaking its way towards you?

              1. jake Silver badge

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                Quite honestly, D3vy, I hope to never have to find out. But the point is that my politicians know that there is a possibility of the populace rising against them. I seriously doubt that the military would back Capitol Hill if a fair percentage of the population took up arms against them. Fact is, the military are US citizens, too, and if the politicians were pissing off the civilians, the military probably would be equally irritated.

                I do not wish to see this happen on my watch; life would be hell for quite a while afterwards.

                1. Mike Moyle Silver badge

                  Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                  We haven't risen against the robber capitalists, who are the ones actually screwing people over; I doubt the government has much to worry about.

              2. F111F
                Black Helicopters

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                Can't speak for @Jake, or his particular country, but if Afghanistan and other fights are any indication, a well-armed and determined populace will tie up any army and cause all kinds of trouble. Eventually, said army will withdraw because the only alternative is genocide. That's why Afghanistan continually kicks invading armies in the 'nards, including the current scenario playing out. The American forefathers had just gone through such a scenario with only 30% of the population for independence. They knew very well that a well-armed population is much more powerful than any army, the obvious exception being use of weapons of mass destruction/genocide which happens to be politically unpalatable in these modern times.

                1. sed gawk

                  Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                  Afghanistan is a special case of a place that looks the same after bombing the shit out of it.

                  It's a place that's easy to take and hard to hold.

                  America - Britain and most of the developed world doens't meet that first point.

                  1. TimeMaster T
                    Boffin

                    Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                    @sed gawk

                    Afghanistan was, and parts of still are, a "Developed" country before the USSR invaded in 1979, then the Taliban, then the USA. Contrary to what people seem to think it is not a huge area filled with nothing but goat herders.

                    Never underestimate the effectiveness of localized guerilla forces against a large trained military group, even in "developed" countries.

                2. mosw

                  Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                  @ F111F "..but if Afghanistan and other fights are any indication.."

                  If Afghanistan is an example, then yes, an armed population might overthrow a government, but also likely replace it with anarchy and violence. If the goal is to make America more like Afghanistan then just keep adding more guns.

                3. Anonymous Cow Herder

                  WMD

                  " They knew very well that a well-armed population is much more powerful than any army, the obvious exception being use of weapons of mass destruction/genocide which happens to be politically unpalatable in these modern times."

                  WMD and chemical weapons seem perfectly palatable to some regimes.

              3. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                "I'm interested, what exactly do you think a population armed with rifles, handguns and (possibly semi auto rifles) will do against a government which spends more on its military than any other country on the planed (by a large margin)?"

                Ah, the Rep. Swalwell "we've got nukes" gambit.

                https://twitter.com/RepSwalwell/status/1063527635114852352

                Very clever, at least it recognizes the reality of what it would take as US civilians have the US military and law enforcement outgunned by about 70 to 1.

                http://www.smallarmssurvey.org/weapons-and-markets/tools/global-firearms-holdings.html

                1. Ghostman

                  Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                  It isn't talked about very much, but read the US Constitution, Section 8, paragraph 15 and 16.

                  The militia, much of the populace, is to be armed the same as the military. So, legally, it should be equal.

                  There have also been instances where the local populace refused to allow the army into towns and villages here in the US.

                  One of the best can be checked out here: https://www.history.com/news/confederate-womwn-militia-civil-war

                  A group of 40 stopped almost 3,000 Union troops from looting the town of LaGrange, Ga.

                  Did I mention they were all women?

              4. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                Never heard of La Resistance, have you? Guerilla operations? Ask the Russians how effective Afghan civilians with light weapons can be. A population with rifles can still manage revolutions and make life hell for oppressors.

                There's another flawed argument that you can't fight an army with improvised weapons such as single-shot guns made from plumbing pipes. However, nobody in their right mind faces organized units with such weapons! Instead, you use the improvised weapon to kill a soldier, then you take HIS military rifle and ammo. NOW you and some mates can attack enemy units.

                I find your lack of imagination and historical knowledge disturbing.

              5. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                @d3vy

                Why don't you ask anyone with military experience what it would be like for a military to go up against 150,000,000 armed and entrenched combatants in guerrilla warfare where the combatants have the support and sympathies of a large population of the "locals"?

                Add to that thought that some in the military might side with the combatants. All it would take is for a small number of military personnel (especially if they are officers) to side with the "guerrillas" and the whole thing is lost. As soon as the "guerrillas" get access to some military weapons and sympathetic personnel trained to use them, the military has no chance of winning this.

              6. TimeMaster T

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                I don't own a gun because I want to overthrow a corrupt government. I own a gun so I can protect my family and myself when someone else tries to overthrow the government, or any other time the rule of law fails.

                I live in an area that gets the occasional BIG natural disaster, the sort that takes out utilities for extended periods of time. I have supplies set aside for such times so my family and I are OK for a up to 2 weeks in a worst case scenario. Those supplies also include a gun and ammo, so that when, not if, someone else who could not/did not set aside supplies comes looking for my supplies, and anything else of value that catches their eye, I will be able to ensure that my family is safe. I know from experience that most of the time looters will simply move on to easier pickings when they see that you are armed, even if they are armed themselves.

                1. Tom Chiverton 1

                  Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                  You should go to your neighbours with food and water, not guns.

                  more achieved together than apart.

                  1. Ghostman

                    Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                    Is this while they are being held with an ax wielding homicidal maniac?

            2. sed gawk

              Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

              jake, you are normally quite sensible, surely you don't seriously think the right to bear arms is effective defence against USAF/other branch of the professional armed services, directed by a tyrannical government against the people.

              I like guns, I think they are fun and can be used safely, I'd rather have one and not need it, than need it and not have it. But, a gun as defence against tyrannical rule seems overly optimistic.

              On an unrelated note, would you mind documenting your greenhouse setup, you've mentioned it over the years, and I'm finally in a position to have my very own slack powered greenhouse, so in the market for tips.

              1. jake Silver badge

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                First of all, you lot should collectively apologize to the fine folks in Anchorage, AK & environs. That collective knee-jerk reaction to what I wrote seems to have somehow become focused in their general direction ...

                "surely you don't seriously think the right to bear arms is effective defence against USAF/other branch of the professional armed services, directed by a tyrannical government against the people."

                Don't be silly, of course I don't. Go back and parse what I wrote.

                Re: my greenhouse ... it's archaic, at best. I'm in the middle of mulling an upgrade, probably based on either a RasPi or Arduino (AtMega 328, actually) ... but this isn't the place for this discussion. Maybe here instead?

            3. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              @jake - Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

              Sorry, mate, but in ANY democratic country (including good ol'US Gawd bless them) the government can and will do whatever it pleases no matter if citizens agree or not. Please don't tell me a US army M1 Abrams is in any way scared of your shiny 3D printer rifle, or any other hand gun for that matter. You're being deluded because government friendly big corporations want to make money by selling you guns and ammo.

              Don't believe me ? Read about the Waco Texas massacre and come back and tell us about scaring the government. The proles were no match against the small army sent to show them who's the boss.

              Please get real!

              1. Eddy Ito Silver badge

                Re: @jake - It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                Read about the Waco Texas massacre and come back and tell us about scaring the government.

                And just how many times do you think the line 'it's to save the kids in the compound from being raped and abused' is going to win over with the tank drivers?

                Besides, Koresh was first, a tactical idiot for thinking he could hold out in that dinky compound, and second, a contemptible prick for using children as a shield. These days I think everyone knows you need to be able to move unless you also think you're the messiah.

            4. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

              Jake,

              [I will make the assumption that this related to the US of A.]

              Do you seriously believe that your govt *would* ever turn against the people ???

              Do you seriously believe that owning a gun would defend you against trained soldiers etc ???

              I understand the original intent of 'right to bear arms' and it made sense at the time and with the available arms BUT it does not work now !!!

              If it came to pass that you needed to defend yourself against your own govt they have the advantage in *all* ways. Unlike the police who find they are out gunned by some 'baddies' the armed forces and many of your federal agencies have access to better arms/training than average 'Joe Public'.

              'Right to bear arms' is an excuse to cover wanting to own guns but *never* will realistically defend you against your own govt.

              The secondary and more important problem is that the arms you own to defend your rights are more often than not used to settle arguments that don't need guns at all. That then escalates the need to own guns for anything/everything but the 'Right to bear arms' to protect you from your govt.

              Round and round we go ....... making huge profits for arms companies while doing nothing about the waste of lives each and every day.

    2. eldakka Silver badge

      Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

      What kind of insurance is it that pays for your home becoming a hippie center unannounced?

      I imagine it would come under such areas as repairs to damage incurred due to criminal break-and-enter, burglary and trespass.

    3. jake Silver badge

      Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

      Vandalism. It's in my policy, at my insistence. I pay an extra $30/year for it.

    4. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

      It never pays to carry a gun. Even simple statistics show the weapon you buy to defend your family is the most likely weapon to be used to kill them, and make it more likely they die.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

        It's not the tool, it's the user. If you allow the bad guy to take your pointy stick, the bad guy might use it against you or your family. Solution: Don't allow the bad guy to take your pointy stick.

        Or you could allow your government to ban the private use of pointy sticks ... and thus ensure little B1ff and Buffy never need to learn to write with pencil on paper. I'm sure your nanny state would approve heartily.

        As a side note, does anybody important use the Uzi anymore? I haven't seen one in over a decade, and I can't remember hearing the name mentioned in about as long.

        1. SloppyJesse
          Terminator

          Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

          "It's not the tool, it's the user. If you allow the bad guy to take your pointy stick, the bad guy might use it against you or your family. Solution: Don't allow the bad guy to take your pointy stick."

          Alternatively, only carry if you can guarantee 100% that no one could possibly take your stick. Can you do that? Can anyone?

          "Or you could allow your government to ban the private use of pointy sticks ... and thus ensure little B1ff and Buffy never need to learn to write with pencil on paper. I'm sure your nanny state would approve heartily."

          OK, you can keep pointy sticks that are clearly designed for uses that are socially acceptable, such as pencils. But you can't have pointy sticks that are purely designed to penetrate other humans against their will. While we're on the subject you can have items that fire projectiles such as nail guns and tennis practice machines, but not guns, on the same basis.

          "As a side note, does anybody important use the Uzi anymore? I haven't seen one in over a decade, and I can't remember hearing the name mentioned in about as long."

          Every time I watch my Arnie back catalogue. "Uzi 9mm, ar-sooo-lee". Icon : Arnie in his prime...

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

            And how, exactly, can you tell what the intent of any random person carrying a pencil might be? Every pencil you see today might be intended to be used as an assassination weapon! Really! YOU CAN'T TELL THE INTENT OF THE PENCIL WIELDER!!! BAN ALL PENCILS!!!!

            See how silly you lot sound over your fear of the unknown?

            1. ukgnome Silver badge

              Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

              Calm down Jake, no one is coming to take your pencils.

              Although I couldn't find any mortality statistics on pencils, but it does seem that guns kill quite a lot of people.

              See how silly you're being now?

              1. Kane Silver badge

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                "Although I couldn't find any mortality statistics on pencils, but it does seem that guns kill quite a lot of people."

                Particularly when taken into consideration the ratio volume of pencils to guns.

              2. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
                Unhappy

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                Wait! You mean no-ones coming for my pencil? As metaphors go, this one sounds like the start of a crap weekend.

            2. Voland's right hand Silver badge

              Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

              And how, exactly, can you tell what the intent of any random person carrying a pencil might be?

              I am with you. Let's take, for example, my daughter. In her case, it may indeed be used to kill you - her pencils are sharpened at 1:5 ratio, not the traditional 1:2.5. They can be considered an offensive weapon (*)

              However, first of all, that makes her one of the very few 1:10000 or more to have a true pencil offensive weapon. The rest do not. You simply cannot kill someone with a normal pencil. Screwdriver - yes(**). Normal pencil - no, unless you are as strong as Arnold and in that case you have plenty of less "awkward alternatives". Most importantly, they also have A NORMAL STANDARD USE. Same as screwdrivers by the way.

              That is different from a gun. Any gun can kill. It has NO OTHER USES. NONE. NADA. ZILCH. This is something I have taught my kids from the age of 5. Weapons are not jokes and there is no such thing as a "weapon to scare someone". There is no such thing as "weapon for personal security". If you yield a weapon you do it only with an intent to kill whoever or whatever it is pointed at. If you do not have that intent, better do not yield it. I had to repeat this lesson as recently as September - it is something you have to do regularly so it sticks.

              So back on the subject - the whole of USA has failed to learn this lesson. As individuals and as a nation. And it shows.

              (*) I had her school moan about it by the way (UK health and safety, don't we all love it)

              (*) One of the reasons screwdrivers with any level of sharpening were included in the old USSR offensive weapons list. It was as a result of it being carried by hardened criminals (what they call "thief in law") to circumvent the Stalin's era offensive weapons act.

              1. Dig

                Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                This looks like the book for you

                https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Sharpen-Pencils-David-Rees/dp/1612193269

                1. Roland6 Silver badge

                  Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

                  And this book will give you an example of how you might use those sharpened pencils

                  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shibumi_(novel)

            3. Anonymous Cow Herder

              Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

              @ JAKE "See how silly you lot sound over your fear of the unknown?"

              Its not the fear of the unknown, its the fear of (highly) armed individuals who think its a good idea to escalate every situation that they encounter.

        2. TheVogon Silver badge

          Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

          "Solution: Don't allow the bad guy to take your pointy stick."

          And how do you do that when he will have the element of surprise, whilst still being able to use it yourself at short notice?! If you dont have a gun, they cant take it to shoot you with. Simples.

      2. TimeMaster T
        Meh

        Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

        "It never pays to carry a gun."

        I have to disagree.

        Over the years I have been in two situations where carrying a gun saved my life, or at least kept me from being seriously injured. In both cases I did not have to draw my weapon, once it became known I was armed the threat to my safety ended.

        Guns are tools, just like a car, if you are careless or don't know how to use them properly they will end up injuring or killing someone.

        What does need to be addressed however is the sub culture that considers the use of deadly force to be an acceptable first response to any disagreement or conflict. Social programs that reduce poverty, improve education and provide job opportunities do more to reduce violent crime overall than gun control laws.

      3. Ghostman

        Re: It always pays to carry a Micro-Uzi in a shoulder holster

        You must be a Democrat, and can you show where that "statistic' comes from?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Experienced something similar myself from the other side

    In-Law organised an Air-BnB accommodation for new years eve.. Taxi driver who took us from the ferry said she knew the place and dropped us off. Place was VERY nice and in-law was gloating about how well she had done - before heading off to secure provisions for the evening, leaving me to hold the fort while aged mother-in-law rests.

    Shortly thereafter, van load of youths arrive escorted by real estate agent, and it turns out the taxi driver DIDNT know the place, and i had to surrender the fort - and re-locate the mother-in-law. Also dead phone batteries so couldn't inform the away team,

    All in all it made the event quite memorable, and lessons learnt included always having a copy of documents/itinerary available, avoid Air-BnB, and avoid going on holidays with the in-laws.

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Experienced something similar myself from the other side

      Raises an interesting question, the same as the one in the article.

      If it was the wrong place, how did you get in? No key? No key-safe code? No 'key under 3rd flowerpot from the right'?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Experienced something similar myself from the other side

        "If it was the wrong place, how did you get in? No key? No key-safe code? No 'key under 3rd flowerpot from the right'?"

        ... however, there's the alternative approach (at least in the UK I think this now only applies to commercial and not residential properties) of "well we're in - who says its your place - go and get a court order and we'll stay here for the week or two that that will take"

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Pen-y-gors

        The door was left unlocked - which was how in-law was told it would be, in arranging the stay.

        Supposedly this a) is common on the island in question, and b) the cleaners had just been in to prepare the place for the guests.

        When we got to the correct address - the door WAS locked, Had to wait outside with the mother-in-law left on the streetside to flag down the away team.

        Anon, anyone involved will recognise the incident though very unlikely to visit here, but to protect the rest of my posts.

  4. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

    What gets me is...

    How much of an arse do you have to be to turn up at a place and trash it?

    1. IceC0ld Bronze badge

      Re: What gets me is...

      How much of an arse do you have to be to turn up at a place and trash it?

      ===

      my thoughts exactly, and it does sound to me like they were set in for a full night of fuck wittery, and it was only the arrival back of the owners that kept the cost 'down' to a few 000 $$ :o(

    2. moooooooo

      Re: What gets me is...

      it happens a lot in Oz thru AirBnB - people use fake id's and have a party, tell Facebook and then all hell breaks loose

      3 articles about that this year in a quick google search:

      https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/world/2018/07/partygoers-trash-3-million-melbourne-house-booked-on-airbnb.html

      https://www.news.com.au/national/victoria/news/partygoers-trash-melbourne-shortterm-rental-furniture-was-being-thrown-out-of-the-house/news-story/b43538ef6f48d362c13d7d8be55a3193

      https://www.theage.com.au/national/victoria/airbnb-partygoers-trash-hawthorn-east-home-20180701-p4zov5.html

  5. Gene Cash Silver badge
    FAIL

    Police are investigating?

    Why weren't they called the moment the owners walked in and saw all the ne're-do-wells?

    On this side of the pond, you'd need that for the insurance documentation, possibly trespassing charges, and having the police question and possibly detain these blokes. After they're all gone, there's not much left to investigate other than "yup, your shit is gone"

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Police are investigating?

      Why weren't they called the moment the owners walked in and saw all the ne're-do-wells?

      That would have been my 2nd step after saying something like "oops, wrong address" to whoever opened the door and then turn and go back to the car. Better off to let cops enter just in case the idiots inside are armed, or bombed out of their minds.

    2. Dabbb

      Re: Police are investigating?

      "Why weren't they called the moment the owners walked in and saw all the ne're-do-wells?"

      Because they're canadians, the most polite and friendly nation on this planet.

      1. LDS Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Police are investigating?

        If it happened somewhere to the south, it would have been a matter who would have opened fire first...

      2. Eddy Ito Silver badge

        Re: Police are investigating?

        Because they're canadians, the most polite and friendly nation on this planet.

        Presumably so were the ne're-do-wells so if they are so polite and friendly, why didn't they clean up after themselves or at least use coasters?

      3. TimeMaster T
        Happy

        Re: Police are investigating?

        "Because they're Canadians, the most polite and friendly nation on the Western Hemisphere."

        FTFY

        Based on my experience Japan has that title for the Eastern Hemisphere :)

  6. Phil Kingston Silver badge

    >stains on the sofas, walls and carpets

    Walls? Fark.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    1) Book apartment with false credentials

    2) Turn up at block with set of bump keys

    3) Enter a different empty apartment

    4) Trash it

    5) Blame landlord, escape with loot.

    Keyless non-forced entry does not have to involve actual keys.

    1. gotes

      I would expect any kind of keyless entry not to involve keys.

      1. jake Silver badge

        So-called "forced entry" doesn't have to involve locks, nor breaking anything. Going through an unlocked, unlatched door without permission can be considered forced entry in certain circumstances.

        A "bump key" is a key of sorts.

      2. Roland6 Silver badge
        Pint

        But this is a tech website, so "keyless" should be used in the same sense as "serverless"...

        1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

          So they used a key then?

          Just not one that they owned?

    2. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      I remember reading an article recently suggesting that this approach is being frequently used to set-up "pop-up" brothels.

      1) Book large house with lots of bedrooms with false credentials for a week

      2) Move in

      3) Start passing the word round the local pubs

      4) Move out at end of week, don't bother changing sheets or clearing the mess.

      1. Mike Moyle Silver badge

        "I remember reading an article recently suggesting that this approach is being frequently used to set-up "pop-up" brothels."

        I've assumed for a while that that's how porn movies get cheap shooting locations these days.

        1. DougS Silver badge

          I always assumed that the porn producer knows a few horny rich guys, who allow use of their place for free in exchange for a quickie with one of the "actresses".

  8. ukgnome Silver badge

    Sounds like a nightmAir BnB

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What an utterly juvenile piece of writing. The first paragraph is emetic.

    "If you will"? I won't. This lazy tripe should always be excised. It's downhill from here on. People don't come home and have a drink, oh no, it's roll home and swipe a cheeky nightcap.

    Pass the sick bucket.

    1. jake Silver badge

      You must be new here, AC.

      May I introduce you to Bootnotes? Bootnotes covers all journalistic sins. Remember, ElReg is a RedTop, they have to publish this kind of thing once in a while or they get kicked out of the guild. Besides, all work and no play makes a dull vulture.

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      "If you will"? I won't.

      Good. Don't. Go away and annoy someone else.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Heard a similar story with cars ....

    Breakdown driver we sometimes use was given set of keys to pick up a car broken down in a car park - a White "A" reg Metro.

    Located White Metro. Unlocked it, put key in ignition to free steering lock, loaded it onto the flat bed and was just about to drive off when owner came back - predictably irked.

    After a brief discussion (this was pre mobile) *another* white "A" reg metro was located. Which the keys also fitted perfectly.

    1. disgruntled yank Silver badge

      Re: Heard a similar story with cars ....

      The NY Times magazine some years ago ran a story about somebody who driven off in someone else's car, and then realized that the stuff in it was not hers or her family's.

      I did something similar about forty years ago. Fortunately, it turned out that though my key worked in the door lock, it would not work in the ignition.

      1. DJ Smiley

        Re: Heard a similar story with cars ....

        My Yale key to my parents house would unlock:

        my friends house

        the tuck room at school

        the house head's room at school

        The maths stock room at school...

        God knows how many other rooms if I'd just tried it, but I didn't because :)

  11. phuzz Silver badge
    Flame

    This reminds me of the story of some friends of mine, which starts out pretty similar, but ends differently:

    So, my pals get back from a night at the pub, slightly (very) sloshed, and decide that a pizza is just what they need. So, oven on, pizza in, they slouch on the sofa to wait for it to cook.

    The next thing they know they're being (none too gently) being woken up by a fireman, who's telling them that they're lucky idiots.

    Almost as soon as they'd popped the pizza in, they'd both fallen asleep, leaving the pizza to cook, then burn, and then to combust. Fortunately they were doubly lucky.

    Firstly a neighbour noticed the smoke and called the fire brigade. Secondly, they'd been so sloshed getting back that they'd forgotten to lock the front door, so the firemen could just stroll in, turn off their oven, and then walk into the living room to give them a quick lesson in fire safety.

    1. gotes

      I've done this a couple of times, though not to full combustion. A whole lotta smoke in the house though!

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      That's horrific!

      What a waste of pizza...

      1. Mike Moyle Silver badge

        Well, sounds like it was probably a typical frozen slab-of-cardboard-with-tomato-sauce-on-it thing, so probably not that great a loss.

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