back to article Russia: We did not hack the US Democrats. But if we did, we're immune from prosecution... lmao

The Russian government has denied having anything to do with hacking the US Democratic party in 2016, although in a court filing this week stressed that even if it did break into the DNC's servers, it is immune from prosecution. And furthermore the Kremlin claimed America is "one of the most prolific practitioners of …

  1. NoneSuch
    Coat

    Just have the US Cyber Division retaliate and create photos of a Speedo wearing Putin holding hands with some blond hunk surfer dude on a tropical beach somewhere.

    Drop them onto everyone's social media feed from Murmansk to Minsk and job done.

    1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      If you want Evil...

      Photoshop his face on to the Borat character during the hotel dildo chase scenes & release that clip to every social media outlet you can find with titles like "I'll get you my pretty!", "Come here & kiss me!", or "But your mom told me you loved these!"

      Please warn me if you DO though, I'll need to stock up on barf bags.

      1. keithzg
        Devil

        Photoshop? C'mon, man, the year is 2018

        The NSA should use its ridiculous computing power to make the deepfake of all deepfakes!

        1. hplasm Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: Photoshop? C'mon, man, the year is 2018

          "The NSA should use its ridiculous computing power to make the deepfake of all deepfakes!"

          Some sort of anamatronic orange politician should do...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: If you want Evil...

        Whilst such puerile revenge would be amusing don't forget who you are attacking the reach he has and recent events within the UK

        AC - well that should be obvious

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Need to make it believable, add oil, lube and a bear. That should do it.

      1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

        Still gotta have a Finnish dwarf with a toothbrush.

        1. David 132 Silver badge
          Coat

          Sex with a dwarf?

          How could you stoop so low...

          1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

            At David 132, re: sex with a Dwarf.

            I didn't stoop, she was on top.

            *Cough*

            I posted this anonymously, right?

            Damn...

            =-)p

    3. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge

      They are Russian

      They still rationalize being a Hitler ally at the start of WWII and jointly invading Poland with the Nazis blitzkrieg in order to protect Mother Russia from Polands fierce horse calvary.

      1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

        Re: They are Russian

        They still rationalize being a Hitler ally at the start of WWII and jointly invading Poland with the Nazis blitzkrieg in order to protect Mother Russia from Polands fierce horse calvary

        Funnily enough you are not far away from the truth.

        The first "Non-Aggression Pact" signed by Hitler was with Marshall Pilsudski specifically cheered by the British Government at the time so that Poland can concentrate more on gearing towards the "inevitable war with USSR". Yeah, I know, the current situation ins a deja vu all around.

        Dunno about Cavalry, but some of the first batches of Hurricanes to come off the production line went to Poland. Similarly, Poland had other weapons like destroyers in the Grom class which were top of the range worldwide.

        The "brave cavalry" charge picture being drawn by history book is taking one picture of an idiot commander doing something idiotic and applying it to whole of their army which was not the case. Sure they did things which no sane British commander would have done like engaging Bismark in an artillery firefight with a destroyer. They were not, however the clown force painted by some people - they spent 15+ years constantly preparing for a war with USSR.

        If you think it is suicidal think again - one of Russia national holidays is INDEPENDENCE FROM POLAND.

        As far as the lawsuit and response, does the Russian argument have merit or not is irrelevant. What we have at present is WAR. Not even cold - it is "luke-warm a few notches from going hot". Economical, electronical, digital, you name it. Even at the height of the cold war the Warsaw pact did not actively interfere with NATO communications and GPS. Russia does so now - the bitching by Norway and Finland about them doing it during the recent NATO exercise is all over the press.

        So Russia will lose in court when the DNC case will be heard regardless of it having basis, merit or FSIA being applicable. Not that the other way around would be any different either. It is the way it works during war - the Enemy is always wrong.

        1. PhilDin

          Re: They are Russian

          More to the point, as far as I know, the Polish cavalry who charged those tanks were carrying anti tank weapons that could do a lot of damage to the Panzer II tanks being used by the Germans. This wasn't a 19th century army fighting a 20th century army, they caused a lot of damage and delayed the Germans which was the plan.

          1. macjules Silver badge

            Re: They are Russian

            What a really stupid thing to write. There has never ever been any form of evidence that the Polish cavalry had some form of 88mm horse-mounted anti-tank guns (or maybe you think they all had LAWS anti-tank missiles in those days).

            Just for your information:

            The 18th Pomeranian Uhlans spotted a group of German infantry resting in a clearing in the Tuchola Forest heath near the railroad crossroads of Chojnice – Runowo Pomorskie line.

            Colonel Kazimierz Mastalerz decided to take the enemy by surprise and ordered Eugeniusz Świeściak, commander of the 1st squadron, to execute a cavalry charge at 1900 hours, leading two squadrons, about 250 strong. Most of the two other squadrons, and their TKS/TK3 tankettes, were held back in reserve.

            The charge was successful: the German infantry unit was dispersed, and the Poles occupied the clearing. However, German armored reconnaissance vehicles appeared from the forest road, probably part of Aufklärungs-Abteilung 20, and soon the Polish units came under heavy machine gun fire, probably from Leichter Panzerspähwagen equipped with MG 34, or Schwerer Panzerspähwagen equipped also with a 20 mm gun. The Poles were completely exposed and began to gallop for cover behind a nearby hillock.

            Commander Świeściak was killed, as was Mastalerz, who tried to save him. About a third of the Polish force was dead or wounded. On the other hand, the German advance was halted long enough to allow the withdrawal of Polish 1st Rifle battalion and National Defence battalion Czersk from the nearby battle of Chojnice.

            Enjoy a down vote you retard.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: They are Russian

              The might have had 20 or 37 mm cannon though, and a 20 mm would have been human portable. Remember they're not facing Tiger tanks with 100 mm of armour, but Pz II most likely with barely 20 mm of armour max. In fact with that little armour 12.7 mm (0.5") machine guns they would have been able to penetrate and destroy light tanks.

              The use of the 88 mm guns as anti-tank weapons only occurred later, possibly first by Rommel's division near Dunkirk when facing a counter attack by the British using Matilda tanks - Maltida's had up to 89 mm of armour and were near invulnerable head on to the standard German 37 mm anti-tank guns.

        2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: They are Russian

          Voland's right hand,

          The difference is that the German-Soviet non-aggression pact was a lie from it's very name. It was actaully a military alliance. There's no comparison with a much weaker power like Poland signing a non-aggression treaty with the great power next door - one that also supposedly settled their many border disputes.

          The Molotov-Ribbentrop pact had a secret section that agreed on a future joint invasion of Poland - as well as agreeing the bits of its neighbouring countries that the Soviet Union were planning to invade - like the Baltic States, Finland and Romania.

          There were also other trade agreements put in place at the same time and after it. So the Soviets provided the Germans before and during WWII with food, oil, strategic matierals for weapons manufacture and even a submarine base in the arctic, plus passage for a commerce raider into the Pacific.

          It's one thing to argue that the Western Allies diplomatic failure in Eastern Europe forced the Soviets to make their own arrangements with Germany. It's another to justify helping to arm the German war machine, while they were fighting Britain and France - particularly stupid given that it was likely to be turned on them next.

          1. Kabukiwookie

            Re: They are Russian

            It's one thing to argue that the Western Allies diplomatic failure in Eastern Europe forced the Soviets to make their own arrangements with Germany. It's another to justify helping to arm the German war machine, while they were fighting Britain and France - particularly stupid given that it was likely to be turned on them next.

            It's just as dumb as the British secretly supporting the fascists in Spain during their civil war, while depriving the republicans of the arms to defend themselves. This whole diplomacy thingy is based on opportunism, and that goes for all parties, the western 'Allies' were doing exactly the same. If my future adversary is busy fighting someone else than me, that will give me time to get own house in order when it's my time.

            Please spare me the 'holier than thou' attitude.

          2. Voland's right hand Silver badge

            Re: They are Russian

            There's no comparison with a much weaker power like Poland signing a non-aggression treaty with the great power next door

            That is the EXACT reason why I mention it. I suggest you look at the DATE it was signed.

            January 26, 1934

            On that date, Poland could have rolled through Germany and extended its border to the North Sea. Germany had zero tanks, zero fleet, zero aviation and a few tens of thousands badly trained conscripts with some bolt loaded guns. It just barely started to rearm at that point. Poland at the same time had a trained army on standby ready to continue the war of 1920 and throw the Riga peace treaty out of the window.

            Sure, it took only a few years for the things to change, but on the date when the pact was signed they were what they were.

            1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

              Re: They are Russian

              Fantasy. The Polish army in 1939 was only 200,000 strong. I'm sure they had reserves, but I'm not sure how well-trained they were. The German Versailles army was only 100,000 strong - but this was always designed as a core that could be rapidly expanded. They'd kept a whole bunch of NCOs, so that they could just add recruits and expand. And they'd never abandoned the General Staff - even though that was also banned under Versailles. The Germans had a tank school and plane testing going on in Russia during the late 20s - and actually had an embryonic tank formation by this point - just without tanks. I think it was called the Motor Transport School. They had prototype tanks as well, so I'm sure could have had a working tank unit or two within a month or two.

              Germany had modern industry and probably 5 million people who'd served in WWI and were still in their 30s or early 40s. A Polish invasion of Germany in 1934 would have been a disaster. Unless they could induce France to invade with them of course.

              1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

                Re: They are Russian

                Fantasy. The Polish army in 1939 was only 200,000 strong.

                Hehe...

                The Polish and French had detailed plans and preparations to disembowel Germany from the late 20-es and early 30-es. So I am actually quoting out of that regarding border on the North Sea. By the way, French have declassified them - the planning started in the mid-20es and subsided only around the mid-30es when Germany reinstated most of its army making the French decided to invest heavily into the Maginot line. The plans are now declassified and available in the French state archives. You can introduce yourself to them. So, in fact Poland was not only in shape, but preparing to do with the non-aggression treaty the same thing Hitler did to it later. It was the French indecision which stopped them.

                Where did the GRU get a copy of Pilsudski's correspondence with Britain regarding a potential war with Soviet Union I do not know. I do know that you can get your mitts on a copy of that in the Russian state archives. It has been declassified for ages.

                He was what he was - a typical Polish nationalist. Someone for whom everyone else is lower species while suffering from delusion of Poland from the days of the Vladislav Jagelo.

                We now have his spitting image in charge. Similarly scheming and similarly delusional. Deja vu all around.

    4. LucreLout Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Just have the US Cyber Division retaliate and create photos of a Speedo wearing Putin holding hands with some blond hunk surfer dude on a tropical beach somewhere.

      While this would be undoubtedly very funny, I'm not quite so sure about the wisdom of trolling an allegedly unstable, possibly ruthless guy with one hand on the nuclear button and the other allegedly on a keg of polonium.

      If it ends badly, it ends really badly for everyone forever.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        allegedly unstable, possibly ruthless guy

        Fixed it for you. If he was unstable he would have been dead ten times by now.

        The guy has the patience of a python. Nothing is done on a whim in the heat of the moment. I can give examples, but that would drag off-topic. That also means that anything that looks like an "emotional" reaction is either fabricated by us or we do not see the whole combination and which hand is holding the knife with the poison blade. It may be the white hand not the black one (we can thank Frank Herbert for the reference).

        IMHO we have not yet seen the hand with the poison on the blade. Just yet. The combination which started with the DNC hack is yet to complete.

  2. ma1010 Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Wikileaks and Trump?

    This is hilarious. Yeah, let's sue Russia! And then what? Get a court order for them to Cease and Desist whatever they're doing? Or maybe a money judgement? Pay up, Putin! (Yeah, I'd be holding my breath.)

    I wish the Allies had thought of this winning strategy during WW II. Stalin could have just SUED Hitler, won a judgement against him for invading Russia, and the Wehrmacht would have immediately left Russia with their tails between their legs while Hitler wrote out a check for damages. Right? Would have saved countless lives lost during all that unnecessary fighting. Not to mention Blighty could have gotten a cease and desist order about those V1s and V2s and made those stop, and then could have France sued Hitler, too, and been free of Germans without all that D-Day nonsense. Why didn't Churchhill et al. try such a brilliant approach back then, I wonder?

    And if Assange had some secret deal with Trump to make the DNC look bad, why is he still cowering in London, saying he's fearful some U.S. Men in Black will whisk him off to Gitmo or some such place the moment he puts his nose outside the consulate?

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

      How about we just assume Fa[e]ceb[ook,itch] and You[t,b]oob is FULL OF FAKE NEWS (and trolls) and be done with it?

      troll icon, because, funny

      [if people are exposed to fake news and shrill politics and outright manipulation for long enough, people will become more 'street smart' and be harder to manipulate and control, just like if you lived in the big city and had to deal with scammers and street thieves every day]

      1. ST Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

        > if people are exposed to fake news and shrill politics and outright manipulation for long enough, people will become more 'street smart'

        Sadly no, they won't.

        Listen to the bullshit Trump is spewing and watch his 32% of followers eat it up, in spite of the fact that he's been demonstrably lying to them since the day he took office.

        1. Version 1.0 Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

          Ton's of Trump and "The Russians" comments here today ... but have you folks ever considered The Tory Party and The Russians? Looks to me, sitting on the other side of the pond, that you Brits got well and truly screwed by the Russians with Brexit. You can bitch all you like about our President but what about Rees-Mogg and Johnson? You have your own problems but you don't seem to realise it.

      2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Trumping Wikileaks ..... ?!.

        [if people are exposed to fake news and shrill politics and outright manipulation for long enough, people will become more 'street smart' and be harder to manipulate and control, just like if you lived in the big city and had to deal with scammers and street thieves every day] ... bombastic bob

        How far down that rabbit warren have you travelled, and what are you discovering? :-) Apart from the fact that all fake emperors and wannabe masters of a capitalised universe have no clothes and are practically powerless in a virtually energetic environment ...... Brave New More Orderly Remote World Orders.

        1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

          Re: Trumping Wikileaks ..... ?!.

          But it was Russia..

          Ok, so we've had 2 years of Hair Trump, and 2 years of DNC whining that Russia robbed the Clinton Foundation of their victory. Not a great deal of evidence though, which I guess is why this court case could get interesting. So the DNC hired a private consultancy to inspect their servers, refused FBI access and then deleted/destroyed the servers. And there have been counter claims that timestamps on files accessed suggest they were locally copied via USB.. Which given shenanigans around Sanders & Clinton seems possible as a motive for a disgruntled insider.

          But I guess more popcorn will be required until this is all settled.

      3. Potemkine! Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

        How about we just assume Fa[e]ceb[ook,itch] and You[t,b]oob is FULL OF FAKE NEWS (and trolls) and be done with it?

        No-no-no-no-no. If it's on the Internet, it's true. Like in newpapers. Or TV.

    2. DavCrav Silver badge

      Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

      "And if Assange had some secret deal with Trump to make the DNC look bad, why is he still cowering in London, saying he's fearful some U.S. Men in Black will whisk him off to Gitmo or some such place the moment he puts his nose outside the consulate?"

      Haven't you read the news? Trump's promises aren't worth shit. You can't trust the fat fuck as far as you can throw him. Which isn't far, what with him being a fat fuck.

    3. veti Silver badge

      Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

      It's possible Assange may have thought he had a deal with Trump, but - like many others before him - he's since realised what that's worth.

      Also possible that he was even more of a mug than that, and acted out of malice toward Clinton in the vague hope that a grateful Trump would reward him later. Because Trump and gratitude go together like a horse and marriage.

      But personally, I think he just couldn't resist the temptation to make more headlines about himself, and would cheerfully have taken and published dirt from anyone for any reason if it would make a good splash. His co-ordination with the Trump campaign was limited to timing the announcements and leaks to maximise publicity.

      1. Kabukiwookie
        Black Helicopters

        Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

        It's possible Assange may have thought he had a deal with Trump, but - like many others before him - he's since realised what that's worth.

        Now I am confused, who the conspiracy theorists are supposed to be again?

        Is it the ones that think that Assange will be picked up by the US govt, taking into account previous actions from that particular govt like breaking international law by forcing the landing of a diplomatic airplane carrying the Bolivian president, because there was a chance that Edward Snowden was on board... along with an extensive track record of false flags to start conflicts and 'interventions' by toppling foreign democratically elected governments?

        Or

        Is it the ones peddling the Trump colluded with Wikileaks and Russia, for which we can show the following overwhelming proof ... >sound of crickets<

        Nixon should have thought of blaming the Russians when Woodward and Bernstein investigated Watergate. If Watergate would have happened now, both journalists would probably in incarcerated, instead of receiving a Pullitzer.

        1. strum Silver badge

          Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

          >Is it the ones peddling the Trump colluded with Wikileaks and Russia, for which we can show the following overwhelming proof ... >sound of crickets<

          Erm. There is the evidence of Trump actually asking the Russians to hack the Dems, and Stone's boast about Podesta , swiftly followed by Wikileaks release of the the Podesta emails. That's pretty strong evidence, in any court.

          1. Kabukiwookie

            Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

            There is the evidence

            Really? Please post some links that do not point to people repeating non-verifiable 'news' from people who have their information from 'reliable sources' or a TLA stating they have 'high confidence' such a thing happened without actually disclosing any real information beyond 'trust me we know, but we can't show you the evidence, because of... eh National Security, yep. National Security'. The very same TLAs that had 'high confidence' about WMDs in Iraq.

            I know how many examples to actual evidence you can produce; exactly zero.

            It's hearsay and people repeating hearsay and more people thinking that as long as enough people repeat it, it becomes true.

            1. Jellied Eel Silver badge

              Re: Wikileaks and Trump?

              It's the problem with 'fake news'. Repeat it often enough, and loudly enough and people start believing it. Like the Russians who've been charged. But the majority charged with mail fraud and credit card abuse, not crimes directly related to the alleged DNC hack, or hacks.

              But that's where there are problems. So the elections and campaigning were very messy, but if your highly sensitive systems are hacked, and especially you believe they were hacked by a foreign state actor.. What do you do? Hire a small security company to have a poke, or report it to the FBI and let them investigate? After all, that's what the FBI's for, either interstate crime, or counter intelligence investigation.

              Yet the DNC didn't do this, despite allegedly having the FBI's top Russian counter intelligence agents in their pockets.. Allegedly. Of course that's also where the politics becomes problematic. So the FBI says it was Russia, some won't believe them either due to their own conspiracy ideation, or just raising an eyebrow at some of the revelations that have appeared since the whole mess started.

              And then behind it all, there would be some who just <shrug> and think it's what intelligence agencies do. Spying on foreigners is why the NSA and CIA get their big bucks. As do the GU.. Although they're military intelligence, whereas civil/political intellgence should be more the SVR's remit. Or perhaps they pointed the finger at the GU in a bit of a Russian turf war..

  3. IceC0ld Bronze badge

    In Russia

    and once more

    TITSUP

    The Idiots That Seriously Underestimated Putin

  4. ivan5

    Oh dear, did some nasty hackers upset the DNC? Maybe, rather than looking at Russia, they should look nearer home for all those they and the Clintons have upset rather badly

    1. Blank Reg

      Do any of those people upset by the Clintons even have Internet access at the trailer park?

  5. mrobaer
    Coat

    Kremlin: Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

  6. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    Rotten Base Assumptions ...... are a Catastrophic Weakness

    How very quaint, and unedifying, the belief in some that sovereign immunity exists for a few engaged in anything, let alone shenanigans?

    'Tis but a cynically contrived convenience/inconvenience and phantom menace of a fake friend.

  7. Missing Semicolon Silver badge
    Facepalm

    So, what's in the emails?

    What I find funny is that publishing the "private" mail was seen to be so detrimental to the Democrat cause. Surely, if they were the best choice for Government, even their private emails should not cause offence.

    In other words:

    "If they had nothing to hide, they had nothing to fear"

    Ha!

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: So, what's in the emails?

      What I find funny is that publishing the "private" mail was seen to be so detrimental to the Democrat cause.

      Imagine... For a second... that private communications of the MayBot, DD Davis, Michaele GoveNoccio and the rest of the government regarding BrExit are handed to all European governments simultaneously with the draft "treaty of exit".

      Now think again... is it funny? Or just a reality?

      Politics at the level of DNC is as dirty as dirty gets. It takes a very special surgical intervention to be in it - namely removal of the moral gland at an early age. So there is nothing surprising here.

      Time to watch "The Death of a Dishonest Man" again. Funny how it was shown before elections in most Eastern European countries (at least the ones I visited) after the fall of the wall. By the way - do not be surprised by the price. It is f***ing worth it (though I paid less :)

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: So, what's in the emails?

      Surely, if they were the best choice for Government, even their private emails should not cause [offense].

      Oh, that's just adorable. Come on, give us another one!

  8. Halfmad

    US have to accept some responsibility..

    When they keep using voting machines which have been publicly denounced as vulnerable, private servers lacking in security oversight etc

    You can't say you take security seriously when you make it easy for your opponents.

  9. Jay Lenovo Silver badge
    FAIL

    International Right to Privacy

    Hmm.. But we already have an international law to address this (Universal Declaration of Human Rights).

    Article 12 states: No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honor and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.

    Good thing the international community takes these violations seriously... i.e. don't expect reparations or even an apology.

  10. DeKrow

    Always blaming everyone else

    Given the corruption inherent in US politics, it's almost comical that they're trying to blame Russia for influence. So much more anti-social influence comes from the biggest, most successful, economy-supporting companies within the country itself because there are no rules to make campaign donations and lobbying more transparent. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to change because it's the people who would be able to make these rules that are benefitting from their absence.

    On my to-watch list:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Money_(film)

  11. Mycho Silver badge

    Just to clarify,

    They said they didn't hack the party.

    Did they say they didn't hack anyone at all related to the elections?

    I would have assumed the party was the wrong target. To quote a Romulan on this, never attack what your enemy defends. Go for the partners, the broadcasters, facebook et al. Don't go for the people with national security backing them.

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