back to article Townsfolk left deeply unsatisfied by Bury St Edmunds' 'twig' of a Christmas tree

Yeah, yeah, "It's November, I don't want to hear the C word until the 24th of December" and so on – tell that to the denizens of Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk, England, who have been left feeling cold after the arguably premature erection of the town's Christmas tree. The yule totem was stood to attention this week by community …

  1. Khaptain Silver badge

    A decent star can add a good six inches

    And create a whole load of other problems.......ouch

    1. The Dogs Meevonks

      Re: A decent star can add a good six inches

      I read 'A star can add a good six inches' and my first thought was .. Yeah and some trollop will try and make some money selling that story to the tabloids.

      Then I realised... oh.. not that kind of 'star' :)

  2. pig

    Meh.

    Imagine the comments if they had a 50ft tree covered with loads of decorations.

    It would be all "Why are you spending on a tree instead of children's / adult / other council services"

    Council's can't win. Damned it they do, damned if they don't in this world where everyone is a critic and we seem to compete with each other over who can spot any semblance of fault first.

    1. Captain Scarlet Silver badge

      I thought the whole point was to promote your town as the place to go for Christmas Shopping and the Christmas Experience for their retail tenants?

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Pint

        Christmas Experience for their retail tenants?

        Tennants Xmas retail experience?

        36 pack with holly on top!

        1. defiler Silver badge

          Re: Christmas Experience for their retail tenants?

          Tennants Xmas retail experience?

          That's Tennents. It's also from Glasgow, so I'm duty-bound to hate it in lieu of Deuchars, which they at least still brew in Edinburgh (although I believe most is from Tadcaster these days).

        2. The Dogs Meevonks

          Re: Christmas Experience for their retail tenants?

          I've always found it amusing that Tenants lager' seems to be one of the favourite tipples of the homeless. :)'

          1. katrinab Silver badge

            Re: Christmas Experience for their retail tenants?

            In England it is White Lightning cider, in Scotland, I thought it was Buckfast?

      2. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

        @Captain Scarlet: "promote your town as the place to go for Christmas Shopping"

        Not being gouged for parking would give a town a higher ranking for me, over the size of their Xmas tree.

    2. Spazturtle Silver badge

      This tree was donated so the council didn't even pay for it.

      1. Public Citizen
        Go

        The careful reader will note that it is TWO trees that have been donated.

    3. katrinab Silver badge

      In my town centre, it is the Business Improvement District that pays for the tree, and that is funded by the shop keepers as an additional precept on their council tax, and it is an entirely separate budget to other council services.

    4. Wilseus

      Agree, but minus one point for "council's"

  3. Giovani Tapini

    In full respect to the article wording...

    While the town "pines" for a more respectably sized tree, this story resin-ated with me as other towns have gone through this in recent years. I find that in some cases the people have actually got a point, so its no wonder they start needling the council.

    The problem is that if there is too much girth you cant fit it into the hole. If there is too much length it starts getting wobbly and cannot maintain its erection. My wife tells me that tinsel is too scratchy and irritating leaving me with just the balls for decoration.

    1. Rupert Fiennes Bronze badge

      Re: In full respect to the article wording...

      Very good Giovani :-)

      1. Pedigree-Pete
        Thumb Up

        Re: In full respect to the article wording...

        At the risk of being racist... abbastanza eccellente Giovani

    2. Efer Brick

      Re: In full respect to the article wording...

      Barking mad!

    3. Daedalus Silver badge

      Re: In full respect to the article wording...

      You are Alistair Dabbs and I claim my 5 quid.

      (Make it 50 will you. Inflation and all that sort of thing)

      1. Giovani Tapini

        Re: In full respect to the article wording...

        I am not Alistair Dabbs. I am still working out if I should take that as a compliment or insult though!

    4. David 132 Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: In full respect to the article wording...

      Excellent tree puns. I bough down in admiration.

      However, given that this is nominally an IT site, I'm surprised no-one has mentioned SAP yet. Tree sap, geddit?

      Oh, please yourselves.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    People often forget that a tree looks much taller to children than it does to an adult.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      What about tall children and small adults?

  5. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Goodness

    Fair play demands that I tell you that there is a Christmas tree already set up just south of the White House. I haven't looked that closely, but I think that the sole decoration so far is a big ribbon in a dull red. Most likely the size would more than satisfy the Buriers--something around thirty feet, I suppose.

    Though I have long since become used to neighbors who put up Halloween decorations by the first of October, it does seem early to be putting up Christmas trees.

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Goodness

      "there is a Christmas tree already set up just south of the White House"

      With a wiiggy effigy of The Great Trumpkin Pumpkin on top?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Goodness

      "the sole decoration so far is a big ribbon in a dull red."

      One of Donald's ties?

      1. The Dogs Meevonks

        Re: Goodness

        "One of Donald's ties?"

        They were originally going to decorate it in 'Lies' but couldn't find a tree big enough on the entire planet.

    3. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: Goodness

      I look forward to the coming storms blowing it to bits.

  6. Simon B-52

    Not Technical!

    This really isn't in any way technical or scientific, so what is it doing here?!

    Oh, I see. It offers numerous opportunities for double entendre and allusion to penile dimensions and engorgement - which is what technology is all about these days..........<sigh>.......

    1. Snivelling Wretch

      Re: Not Technical!

      Sometimes El Reg does branch out from it's core subject matter, but I can see this needles you.

    2. onefang Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Re: Not Technical!

      "This really isn't in any way technical or scientific, so what is it doing here?!"

      It's in the Bootnotes section, you must be new here. Also, you left off the appropriate icon -->

      1. DavCrav Silver badge

        Re: Not Technical!

        "It's in the Bootnotes section, you must be new here."

        He just hasn't twigged yet.

        1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

          Re: Not Technical!

          The fjords beckon fo this one.

        2. Locky Silver badge
          IT Angle

          Re: Not Technical!

          As Aussie commentards would say;

          Spruce!

    3. DavCrav Silver badge

      Re: Not Technical!

      "Oh, I see. It offers numerous opportunities for double entendre and allusion to penile dimensions and engorgement - which is what technology is all about these days..........<sigh>......."

      Speaking of double entendres, in German the act of doing physical exercise with a dog is referred to as das Dogging.

      I will just leave that here and walk away.

      1. 's water music Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Not Technical!

        Speaking of double entendres, in German the act of doing physical exercise with a dog is referred to as das Dogging.

        uk=same, but single entendre shirley?

        I will just leave that here and walk away.

        Common doggers' conversation. Fnaar <explodes>

  7. Warm Braw Silver badge

    twee Christmas

    I think you missed a twick...

  8. onefang Silver badge

    Are they planting it early, in the hope it will grow?

  9. Dave Pickles
    Coat

    I come to Bury St Edmunds...

    not to praise it.

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: I come to Bury St Edmunds...

      ----->

      nice one!

      1. Tom 7 Silver badge

        Re: I come to Bury St Edmunds...

        Oh beehive.

    2. Will Godfrey Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: I come to Bury St Edmunds...

      After all these centuries, I just wish they'd get on and do the job!

    3. Esme

      Re: I come to Bury St Edmunds...

      Barking! (I'm being conecise)

  10. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    Christmas tree decorations are so repetitive - like Eastenders it's just a load of old balls.

    I'm off to have a pine for the fjords ...

  11. Herring` Silver badge

    Maybe

    it was ordered by Nigel Tufnel.

    Used to work under a clueless head of development called Nigel. "It's not your job to be as confused as Nigel" was a stock phrase.

  12. Steve Cooper

    Southend's tree is more pot than tree - https://www.southendstandard.co.uk/news/17197000.is-it-too-early-for-southends-christmas-tree-to-go-up-column/

  13. defiler Silver badge

    Given the Christmas angle

    I'm surprised by the lack of Noel...

  14. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

    Plant one..

    My town decided one year to stop buying trees and permanently plant one on a roundabout. It was a bit unimpressive for the first couple of years, but has grown nicely now.

  15. ScarabMonkey

    I guess the residents are still sensitive after their free fireworks were cancelled this year [1] - and now a small tree! What is this country coming to!

    [1] https://www.eadt.co.uk/news/abbey-gardens-fireworks-cancelled-1-5763548

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      I blame Brexit and the bloody awful Warsaw Concerto.

  16. Commswonk Silver badge

    Bah Humbug

    That is all.

  17. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    The tree's not small,

    It's just far away.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There's no pleasing some people

  19. Chris G Silver badge

    I like all Christmas trees

    That is, the ones I cut into 50cm chunks and load into my woodburner, toasty!

    1. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: I like all Christmas trees

      Until the flue glazes shut!

  20. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    Old but good

    Obligatory xkcd

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Old but good

      In recent years I became tired of holding down my temporary outdoor Christmas tree in the teeth of the apparently more frequent gales.

      Last year the problem was solved quite cheaply. A cone shape made from 9 x 3m vertical bamboo canes - with sequenced 5050 RGB LED strips spiralling round it.

  21. Rich 11 Silver badge

    Why can't our beautiful town have a Trafalgar Square type tree.

    Two reasons.

    1) You don't know how to use a question mark.

    2) The Trafalgar tree is an annual gift from Norway to all* the people of the UK, sent as a thank you for coming to their defence in 1940 and for supporting their resistance movement all the way through to the end of the war (which of course turned out exceedingly well for all of us, especially given Telemark). The tree the Norwegians will send us this year will be the 72nd one, and that's a damn fine tradition we can all be proud of and grateful for.

    *Though I'm guessing we can agree on excluding Tommy Robinson and other pieces of neo-Nazi shit.

    1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      We could use more of that kind of spirit in this world right now.

      Nova Scotia sends a tree to Boston [MA] as a thanks for coming to their aid after the Halifax explosion.

      Must visit and say thank you one summer.

  22. ducatis'r us

    Another Spinal Tap inspired tree

    Cardiff two years ago. This thing was used only once and nobody knows where it is now!

    https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-wales-south-east-wales-38124254

  23. Dr_N Silver badge
    Trollface

    War On Christmas ®™?

    Maybe they should have just gone for a big yule log instead.

  24. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

    Lighting

    Size isn't everything. It's the way it's decorated. Last year the tree was larger but it looked like the lights had just been thrown at it.

    Too true. Personally, I feel volume lighting is the only way to go. Lighting just the hull of the tree is simply lazy.

    On my trees, I start at the trunk, pick a bough at the bottom in the back, bring the light string out along it and wrap all the branches coming off it that are large enough to hold the string without drooping excessively. Then back along the bough to the trunk, advance to the next bough at the same level, and repeat until you reach the top of the tree.

    Since that takes more strings than can safely be daisy-chained,1 I drop a couple of extension cords down the trunk to different heights, so I can plug additional strings in as I work higher up the tree.

    My trees are typically around 8 1/2 feet high and 5 to 6 feet in diameter at the largest point, and I get 4000 or so lamps on them. If a tree isn't bright enough to read by, what's the good of it, eh? And there's something to be said for a massive cone of multicolored lights in the parlor to really convey the holiday spirit. (I use all solid lights. Blinking ones would be a bit seizure-inducing.)

    Naturally I have all this running off a dedicated circuit with GFCI and AFCI protection. We always use Frasier firs and have a stand that holds a few gallons of water, which I top off twice daily. Adequately-watered Frasiers can last a long time; the tree's still flexible and moist when I discard it after Twelfth Night. The lights don't come near the ignition temperature of the tree but they could certainly dry out one that didn't keep soaking up water, and a big pile of well-aerated kindling is not really something you want in your house.

    1The incandescent tree light strings sold in the US are generally rated for up to 6 strings of 100 lamps in a chain. I play it safe and go with one fewer than the strings are rated for.

    1. Glenturret Single Malt

      Re: Lighting

      I am happy to say that in my lifetime of over 70 years, there has never been a Christmas tree in any house where I have lived. Decorations, cards etc but no tree.

  25. sawatts

    ...or just plant one in the town square / village green which you can decorate each year?

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019