back to article Manchester man fined £1,440 after neighbours couldn't open windows for stench of dog toffee

A man from Radcliffe, Greater Manchester, allowed dog toffee to build up in his garden over the summer months to the point that his neighbours couldn't bear to open their windows. The UK has had a scorching 2018, and air con isn't something we tend to invest in, so you can imagine the Atmosphere. Alan Morse, 46, who owns …

  1. mrfantastic

    Had to think then

    I'd never heard of 'dog toffee', and it took 5 minutes for it to click you were on about dog eggs

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Had to think then

      > I'd never heard of 'dog toffee', and it took 5 minutes for it to click you were on about dog eggs

      The correct term is dog poo, the author must be American?

      1. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

        Re: Re: Had to think then

        No, sir. I stole it from another (Brit) Reg writer.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Had to think then

        Dog exhaust.

      3. Jeffrey Nonken Silver badge

        Re: Had to think then

        "The correct term is dog poo, the author must be American?"

        Not a euphemism I've ever heard before.

        1. Richard Wharram

          Re: Had to think then

          Dog toffee is in Viz Profanisaurus so it's acceptable.

          Personally I tell the wife that there's some new dog rope she needs to attend to.

          1. Danny 14 Silver badge

            Re: Had to think then

            I added dog toffee to my vocabulary too. Previously dog logs and dog eggs were standard terms. I do like the register for its informative pieces.

            1. fredj

              Re: Had to think then

              Mind the kids don't take you literally.........

              1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

                Re: Had to think then

                It's more fun if they doo...

      4. Fungus Bob Silver badge

        Re: Had to think then

        "The correct term is dog poo, the author must be American?"

        Nope, we call 'em land mines over here.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Had to think then

      "barkers nest" was, I thought, the British term?

      1. james_smith

        Re: Had to think then

        "barkers nest" was, I thought, the British term?"

        A "barker's egg" is the correct term for a bum cigar deposited by a shit machine on four legs.

    3. fishman

      Re: Had to think then

      I call them "dog logs".

    4. Black Betty

      Re: Had to think then

      Round my parts they're called "barker's eggs".

    5. Sceptic Tank
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Had to think then

      Is "surface coal" still a thing?

  2. Julian 8

    WTF has Type 2 diabetes got to do with it ? - doesn't stop me doing anything.

    Gotta try this one at home when I get asked to do work in the garden and see how far that gets me

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The exercise would actually help

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      >WTF has Type 2 diabetes got to do with it ? - doesn't stop me doing anything.

      I suppose he just didn't give a shit.

    3. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
      Childcatcher

      Good luck with that!

      Gotta try this one at home when I get asked to do work in the garden and see how far that gets me

      Probably as far as it did the dog owner in the story, but with a more rapid (rabid?) response.

    4. anothercynic Silver badge

      Standard excuse: I've got diabetes, I can't do it. I've got a manky eye, I can't do it... the list goes on. This general malaise of people not being bothered and expecting others to do stuff they can do (short of having someone wipe their arse too while they're at it) is exasperating.

      1. Spanker

        I got run over by a taxi and knocked on the head so hard I had post-traumatic amnesia for a good 6 hours.

        Best excuse ever for being late for work, “I forgot and this time I can prove it”

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        excuses

        My favourite is still 'I've got a bone in me leg mum

    5. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      I'm a type II as well

      And I am definitely going to use that excuse to get out of housework, because after I've done 30 laps in the local pool, I'm knackered.

    6. Chris Jasper

      I would guess not far...

    7. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Diabetes often has various side-effects, including depression. So it could be that it is a genuine reason - can't face getting out of bed, let alone taking dogs for a walk and a shit in the park like un-depressed people. So dogs go in the garden. Meh, he can sort it out mañana, when he feels better, but hey, what does it matter, what does anything matter?

    8. Adrian 4 Silver badge

      Lucky you.

      I can't stand upright without something to lean on. Makes shovelling shit (constant change of balance and newtonian reaction from flinging it in the wheelbarrow) practically impossible. Same problem leaning down and picking things up. It takes 10 times longer than another person. And no, I'm not overweight.

      The only practical method is to shuffle along the floor on your bum dragging a sack behind you. Not impossible, but I can sympathise with his reluctance to get it done.

      Depression might have stopped him getting a labourer in to do it on the first warning. Maybe a £1440 fine will push him to do it. Or maybe he can't afford one now and will have to do the shuffle thing.

      If there's something to blame him for it's owning three bull terriers whilst apparently being unable to exercise them properly. Now that's unreasonable. I guess the council should have taken them away.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        If you can't look after a dog, and that includes picking up after it then you really shouldn't have a dog.

        1. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

          If you can't look after a dog, and that includes picking up after it then you really shouldn't have a dog.

          I agree.

          You do need to look at the larger picture, of course. For instance, if the diabetes was causing depression, which then caused him to be unable to clean up, taking the dog away is counterproductive and would probably make him even more depressed.

    9. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      WTF has Type 2 diabetes got to do with it ? - doesn't stop me doing anything

      It has stopped me eating sweets.. (But very little else.)

      It's also responsible for me heart attack (which definately, really, really didn't have anything to do with my bottle-of-red-wine-a-night habit..Honestly..)

  3. Locky Silver badge

    Presumably

    When the officers turned up they asked What's the Story, Morning Glory?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Presumably

      > When the officers turned up they asked What's the Story, Morning Glory?

      The Classical response would be to ask what all the Bach-ing was about, the smell being (Foul) Air On a G String.

      1. Shugyosha
        Headmaster

        Re: Presumably

        I think you've missed the fact that all the song title puns are from Manchester bands, giving a link, however tenuous, to the story.

    2. Roj Blake Silver badge

      Re: Presumably

      The smell was probably so great they felt the need to Sit Down.

      1. fredj

        Re: Presumably

        I suspect they needed counseling for their nasal discomfort.

  4. Korev Silver badge
    Coat

    Some Might Say all he had to do was Roll With It, put Hand in Glove, and Bob's Yer Uncle, job done. D'You Know What I mean? Sorry, we know That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore. ®

    I acquiesce

    1. John Lilburne Silver badge

      Seems the court has just rubbed his nose in it.

  5. msknight Silver badge

    Action should be faster

    My mother used to live next door to neighbours who did this. It was a serious impact on her ability to enjoy her own property. That and the late night parties, of course.

    The fine and the length of time it took to get to that point, are not enough, in my humble opinion. Should have been a damn sight faster to get the bloke dragged into court.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Action should be faster

      Indeed.

      the council had "a lot more resources than I do" which presumably include dog wardens to remove the offending animals until he demonstrates that he's fit to look after them?

    2. Eponymous Cowherd
      Devil

      Re: Action should be faster

      Had a neighbour who did this. He also didn't fix his fence when it started to fall apart, so Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden too.

      One day I was busy cleaning this up when the mutt appeared through the fence. I called it over and liberally anointed it with the bag of its shit I had in my hand at the time.

      The fence was fixed surprisingly quickly after that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden

        Don't punish Fido. It's not his fault.

        1. KarMann

          Re: Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden

          Given how dogs roll, Fido probably didn't see it as punishment.

          Now this article, THAT was pun-ishment.

        2. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden

          "Don't punish Fido. It's not his fault."

          Our mutt (and most mutts I know of) used to roll in whatever foul-smelling thing she could find (usually a dead hedgehog or cat shit), so being rubbed all over in one's own shit is less likely to be seen as punishment by Fido and more likely to be seen as a favour.

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: Fido used to leave his mutt muck in our garden

            Our mutt (and most mutts I know of) used to roll in whatever foul-smelling thing she could find

            Yeah - but that's to *hide* their own scent. Which being covered in their own crap wouldn't..

    3. TimR

      Re: Action should be faster

      A real shame it spoiled her late night parties.....

    4. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

      Re: Action should be faster

      My mother used to live next door to neighbours who did this. It was a serious impact on her ability to enjoy her own property. That and the late night parties, of course.

      whose parties? theirs or your mothers?

      [edit] dammit Tim beat me to that one!

  6. AGS221

    Dog toffee is a new one on me, but it brightened up a Monday morning.

  7. cam

    No 'Gas Panic!' ? Shame.

  8. wolfetone Silver badge

    Pity he wasn't from Sheffield

    Then you could've referred to it as dog Pulp...

  9. chivo243 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Bury the shit council?

    Gotta stop reading so fast....

    When this didn't help shift the shit, Bury Council issued Morse an abatement notice, ordering This Charming Man to Step On and clean up his act, probably asking How Soon is Now?

  10. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Whatcha doin?

    Chewing chocolate.... Where did ya ged it? Doggy dropped it...

    1. Cowboy Bob

      Re: Whatcha doin?

      Upvote for the BHS reference (no, not the stores once ownedpillaged by Phillip Green)

  11. Velv Silver badge
    Boffin

    If this mess is building up in his garden then is there not a case to investigate his general care of the animals? According to the linked article the fouling was in a "terraced house’s yard" - not exactly a roaming estate where the dogs could run free for hours of exercise.

    An inspection by the RSPCA might spur a little more care out of him.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      An inspection by the RSPCA might ...

      When I lived in an otherwise pleasant suburb of south Brum, a family moved in next door and soon acquired a selection of bad habits, including something Rottweiler-related.

      During the day the dog would frequently be tied up in the back garden with neither food nor water, and no one in the house.

      There'd be a bowl of drnking water at the start of the day, which would almost immediately be knocked over, and the dog would then howl for hours on end, having no access to either food or water.

      Nothing I tried with RSPCA, Council, whatever, could persuade anyone to come out and observe (and, ideally, intervene).

      1. Paper

        Re: An inspection by the RSPCA might ...

        Nowadays you could simply record that and post it on Facebook and YouTube. A mob would soon take care of it for you.

      2. Shadow Systems Silver badge

        Re: An inspection by the RSPCA might ...

        At the AC, re: the dog next door.

        When I was still just a kid knee-high to a LawnGnome, my neighbor did similar treatment to their dog. I complained about it, tried to get them to stop, but they evidently didn't GAF. I got tired of their indifference so made it a habit to climb over the fence, untie the dog, give it fresh water & food, & play with him for as long as my free time after school allowed. Then my family got a dog, I pried up one of the boards in the fence to let him come over, & the three of us would play fetch & Frisbee & all the stuff kids like to play with a happy dog. When the neighbors were due to come home each day I'd take him back home, make sure he still had water & food, but did *not* tie him back up. Back through the fence, shove the board back in place, & meet the neighbors at their own front door.

        "You know, eventually your dog will decide *YOU* don't love him enough to count as proper masters, at which point he'll come to those he *does* consider to be acting in his best interests."

        They told me to piss off & mind my own business, so I came back home, pulled the board aside, & waited. Sure enough, two days later he nearly killed himself gnawing through the rope to escape, came over to my side of the fence, & *refused* to go "home". I eventually just left the board askew so the neighbors would figure it out, bought a second dog house for him, & essentially adopted him as my own. The neighbors complained, claimed I stole their dog, but I explained the situation to the police & the nice copper told them to fek off.

        My dog Lou & "their" dog Max lived to be rather fat, happy, & flatulent old muts, content in my back yard, & going through the fence to take their shits as if *KNOWING* it would piss off the people that started it all.

        If you ever run across someone mistreating their pet, complain about it, ask them to stop, but ALSO do right by the critter & try to make them happy. If their owner proves to be worthless in the critter's eyes, you may wind up with a new furry friend!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: An inspection by the RSPCA might ...

          I had neighbours in the not too distant past who were hobby husky breeders. They had three gorgeous huskies, locked up 24/7 in small caged pens in their back garden. Huskies are extremely energetic, but not once did I see those dogs get walked, not once, not ever. They also had two or three nasty little rat dogs who did live indoors, but would barkbarkbarkbarkbark incessantly when they were let outside until the very second they were back indoors.

          Not long after I moved in one of the huskies broke free during some gales and jumped fence into my garden. In hindsight, he was probably so ecstatically happy because that was perhaps the only time he ever saw somewhere different. It was only some time after I 'responsibly' took him back it dawned on me they were nothing but prisoners.

          Eventually the dogs disappeared and they moved away, rather suddenly too. I sincerely hope there's a special place in hell for such people.

          1. BebopWeBop Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            Re: An inspection by the RSPCA might ...

            I can sympathise (with the dogs) - I frequently come across someone with 4 of them (he competes in events that involve the dogs towing a sled on wheels). He only has 2 out at any time - and runs 5-10 miles with each pair every day. They need a *lot* of exercise - unlike my increasingly lethargic terror (admittedly he is getting on for 14 years old)

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: An inspection by the RSPCA might ...

          "You know, eventually your dog will decide *YOU* don't love him enough to count as proper masters

          Same *very* much applies to cats. They will *not* stay somewhere where they are not happy. And, unlike dogs, they don't have the pack instinct..

          Which is why I'm quite pleased that our 7 cats seem to enjoy living at our house and show no signs of wanting to leave. Conceding to their every whim might have something to do with that though..

      3. julian.smith
        Megaphone

        Re: An inspection by the RSPCA might ...

        I had a similar problem with a neighbour who had 2 barking dogs in a very quiet location.

        After preliminary testing with a hand held air horn, which resulted in some behaviour modification but not a total cessation, I had a remote controlled 104dB sounder installed facing their property.

        They were dog owners but not completely stupid or untrainable.

        It took time to train them to understand that ANY dog noise was followed by about 20 seconds of VERY loud noise from the "Dog Horn"

        They left - years later, their house remains unsold. Karma's a bitch.

        Tranquility was restored.

      4. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: An inspection by the RSPCA might ...

        "Nothing I tried with RSPCA, Council, whatever, could persuade anyone to come out and observe (and, ideally, intervene)."

        A howling dog for hours on end over a prolonged period (days/weeks) comes under the purview of the Environmental Protection Act 1990, Section 82 (Statutory noise nuisance) if the council refuses to take action on statutory noise complaints under the same act.

        There's case law on this one and section 82 has surprisingly sharp teeth.

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      An inspection by the RSPCA might spur a little more care out of him.

      [Cynical Mode]

      Which the RSPCA will ignore unless there is political or monetary capital to be made out of it..

      (Yes, yes, I know they have changed Chief Execs recently and the new one seems to want to get back to their stated purpose (to look after distressed animals) rather than to concentrate on making money and bribing^W influencing politicians but I'll wait to see if anything *actually* changes).

  12. Charlie Clark Silver badge

    Radcliffe isn't in Manchester…

    A man from Radcliffe, Greater Manchester. FWIW Radcliffe is known locally as Dog Shit City: a bit of wasteland between Manchester and Bury.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Radcliffe isn't in Manchester…

      Radcliffe is in Manchester, hence the M26 postcode. It's also Dog Shit Valley. The wasteland comment is essentially correct though

  13. Giovani Tapini

    Still not as bad

    as the people that hang little bags of the doggy treats from trees and bushes like a sort of Christmas bauble lift by the Grinch.

    1. Trilkhai

      Re: Still not as bad

      Nor as bad as one neighbor we had in the late 70s, whose teenage son would shovel their 2 dogs' worth of shit over the fence into our backyard when told to clean up after them. That said, he did stop after his parents found out and thrashed him for it.

  14. Juan Inamillion

    EUphemisms

    Dog toffee - new one on me, is it in Rogers Profanisaurus? Pretty descriptive...

    Canine clagnuts is another one.

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: EUphemisms

      Canine clagnuts. Like that! May come in useful

  15. Maty

    bacon grease

    Hereabouts people put it on dog poop if a random animal fouls the garden. That way the damn animal cleans up after itself.

    1. S4qFBxkFFg
      Thumb Up

      Re: bacon grease

      Utter genius - I'll remember that one.

  16. RegGuy1
    Facepalm

    his neighbours couldn't bear to open their windows

    Is this another Microsoft story? It's talking about shit, so it must be.

    (Or it could be Gnome 3, that's another bag of shit)

  17. beep54
    Joke

    Was somewhat disappointed as I first read that as "Manchester man FINDS....." Didn't seem to make a lot of sense tho.

  18. DougS Silver badge

    Fined £900??

    Then maybe he's onto something and the council should go clean it up for him. Where I live if you have a public nuisance like letting your grass grow uncontrollably, not shoveling the sidewalk, leaving junk in the yard etc. the city will send you a letter and give you a few days to correct the problem. Otherwise, they warn they will come out and do it for you and bill you (at what I'm sure is an exorbitant rate) and tack on a fine. Not sure what the fine is since I've never had this happen, but I'm sure it is a lot less than £900 or $900!

  19. Unclezip

    So "Polish landmine" is no longer allowed?

    1. PM from Hell
      Facepalm

      Is that where the phrase polishing a dog turd comes from?

  20. james_smith

    Clearly No Love Lost between him and his neighbours, that garden sounds like an Atrocity Exhibition that could cause the Transmission of diseases and encourage a Colony of rats. Although if the diabetes is down to Decades of bad diet then it's not The Only Mistake he's made.

  21. mark l 2 Silver badge

    I grew up near Radcliffe and it was often nicknamed dog sh1t valley by people who lived in neighbouring towns. I assumed it was just an insult because they thought it was a bit scummy, but apparently it has had that nickname for sometime and it came about because their used to be a tannery down by the river Irwell which runs through the middle of the town. And part of the tanning process used dog sh1t which would give off awful smells.

  22. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
    WTF?

    Apart from the dog poo, I have no idea what's going on here

  23. Nick Kew Silver badge

    Am I the only commentard with exposure to the UK rentals market?

    If not, why do I see no anecdote of being shown round a property full of dog mess, while the lettings agent claims he can't smell anything (and after the office has assured you "no, not shabby at all")?

    Sure, our rentals market has improved a lot, and that sort of place is thankfully no longer the norm. But there are enough of them around that I'd expect most fellow Brits to have encountered them from time to time.

  24. Efer Brick

    Are the pictures on FaecesBook ?

  25. sawatts

    Dog Toffee??

    Had images of someone rendering down poodles to make sweets.

    Not what the article was about after all...

  26. Simon Harris Silver badge

    Having to put up with the smell of dog toffee...

    the man's neighbour complained "Heaven knows, I'm miserable now"

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