back to article Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian

WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange's efforts to tip a bunch of rules allegedly imposed on him by his Ecuadorian hosts into the kitty litter tray have been suspended owing to interpreter difficulties. According to reports, the world's most annoying housemate reckoned that the court-appointed interpreter was not up to snuff. Alas …

  1. m0rt Silver badge

    "playse stawp yoah caht crahppin in ahh embahssy"

    That just comes across as UK Black Country accent to me.

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      The 'our' in "our embassy" goes up in pitch and would be pronounced closer to 'hour' in brum, where as the Aussie goes lower, "ahh".

    2. macjules Silver badge
      Happy

      Original:

      Buenos días señor Assange. Le agradeceríamos mucho si pudiera abstenerse de dejar a su gato defecar en nuestro piso.

      English:

      Good morning Mr Assange. We would very much appreciate it if you could refrain from letting your cat defecate on our floor.

      Aussie Translation:

      G'day mate, stop letting your cat shit on the floor.

      There, FTFY.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re: yoah

      it's closer to "yow-er" ...

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I speak Australian, it's definitely missing a "ya cant" off the end of it.

      1. Danny 14 Silver badge

        flamin galah!

        1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          bloody drongo!

      2. defiler Silver badge

        I speak Australian, it's definitely missing a "ya cant" off the end of it.

        No you don't. I can tell because it's pronounced "Strayan", unless you're doing that for our benefit.

    5. the Jim bloke Bronze badge
      Headmaster

      Proper strine is spoken with the teeth clenched together,

      to reduce the intake of flies.

      Insertion of "mate" and "strewth" have gone out of fashion, being replaced with "old mate" (3rd person indefinite?) and "yeah nah" because apparently it confuses the fuck out of septics...

    6. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      Playse stawp yoah caht

      I literally had to clamp both hands over my mouth to keep from laughing loud enough to annoy everyone in the building. Thank goodness I wasn't drinking anything when I read that!

      Icon because close enough.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sympathy

    For Assange: no.

    For the embassy: no.

    For the cat: yes!

    1. defiler Silver badge

      Re: Sympathy

      ...For The Devil?

      1. ukgnome Silver badge

        Re: Sympathy

        Woo Woo

  3. Richard Wharram

    How are they breaching his human rights?

    It's their building. He can leave it if he doesn't like how they run the show.

    1. lsces

      Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

      Is he actually paying any rent?

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

        Is he actually paying any rent?

        He is bringing a lot of free publicity in for Ecuador. How many people knew their Embassy in London was in Kensington before Assange stopped by?

        Wouldn't you think that the Ecuadoreans are a very hospitable people just because they have put up with all the grief that their guest has given them.

      2. JohnFen Silver badge

        Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

        Does it matter? I pay rent, yet my landlord still demands basic cleanliness and care of my living space.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

      In the same way that blocking unregulated immigration is a human rights violation despite the fact that any illegal immigrant can leave if they don't like how the receiving country runs the show.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

        Illegal immigrants typically flee from rather worse issues that being called out for being an unwashed git who can't keep his appendix in his pants. Have you considered the Human Rights of the girls, or the asylum seekers who need asylum for /actual/ humanitarian reasons?

        1. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

          who can't keep his appendix in his pants. Have you considered the Human Rights of the girls,

          I should think we should consider everyones rights in the face of someone who waves their internal organs about, erm, willy-nilly.

          Usually, a surgeon is required to remove appendix from pants.

          I think you meant appendage A/C.

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

            "I think you meant appendage"

            That would be the case for the rest of the male mammal population. Your're dealing with someone special here.

      2. Jamie Jones Silver badge

        Re: How are they breaching his human rights?

        In the same way that blocking unregulated immigration is a human rights violation despite the fact that any illegal immigrant can leave if they don't like how the receiving country runs the show.

        Give me your address.. I'm coming to kip in your spare bedroom.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's simple...

    To speak like an Australian native, simply take an english sentence, and insert the following words as and where you feel is best:

    Strewth, Sheila, Esky, Doona, Roo.

    I am available for Brexit consultations as well. Good terms offered. Unless you're an alien.

    1. Tim99 Silver badge

      Re: It's simple...

      No worries, she’ll be right.

    2. Stratman

      Re: It's simple...

      Don't forget to raise the pitch of the last word in a sentence by a perfect fifth.

    3. Mike Richards Silver badge

      Re: It's simple...

      For true Strine you have to insert the c-word that rhymes with Jeremy Hunt somewhere in the sentence. Or indeed, any sentence.

      1. ArrZarr Silver badge
        Childcatcher

        Re: It's simple...

        Ever since the news reporter got his name wrong, I've stopped reading it as Jeremy Hunt and have always needed to do some quick translation between brain and mouth.

      2. Ledswinger Silver badge

        Re: It's simple...

        For true Strine you have to insert the c-word that rhymes with Jeremy Hunt somewhere in the sentence.

        Noting that it only rhymes if you keep it in Strine, because in that language there is no "uhhh" syllable that rhymes with the UK or US word "truck".

        Lucky we're taking the piss out of fellow Anglophone nations. If this debate involved just about any other language/nation, pathetic whiners would have escalated it to the status of a diplomatic incident.

        1. Danny 14 Silver badge

          Re: It's simple...

          shithouse is a good word to know too. "That tucker was shithouse mate".

  5. Simon B-52

    Universal translation?

    In addition to the intended Australian, and the already mentioned Black Country, I can read that sentence in a Texan or a Scottish accent, so I'm wondering if the author hasn't stumbled on something of great importance here.

    However, try as I might, I can't turn it into Geordie......

    1. Rick594

      Re: Universal translation?

      Try putting "pet" on the end.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Universal translation?

        "Try putting "pet" on the end."

        Or hinny. And don't forget a why aye man? at the start or end.

  6. JohnG Silver badge

    Soap opera

    It is almost as if Assange and his hosts are creating an absurd soap opera, so that The Reg can write articles like this one.

    Maybe Assange could do a new version of the video for the 90s dance track "Ecuador" by "Sash!".

    1. Paul Dx
      Coat

      Re: Soap opera

      I'd prefer him to "Shaddup your face" and play "Over the hills and far away"

      1. Paul Herber

        Re: Soap opera

        More a "Communication Breakdown".

        1. JimmyPage Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: More a "Communication Breakdown"

          As we've descended into Led Zep references, it's worth noting from their catalogue ...

          "Ten Years Gone",

          "Babe I'm Gonna Leave You"

          "Hots On For Nowhere"

          And ones that Assange should really learn by heart:

          "Friends", and "Thank You"

          1. IceC0ld Bronze badge

            Re: More a "Communication Breakdown"

            not just Zeppelin, anyone else recall Mud ?

            the cat crept in, CRAPPED, crept out again

      2. The Oncoming Scorn
        Coat

        Re: Soap opera

        Joe Dolce - Is the cat called Vienna (After Rigsbys cat in Rising Damp) perchance?

        Icon because Midge Ure wore a long one in the Vienna video.

        1. Anonymous C0ward

          Re: Soap opera

          This means nothing to me.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Soap opera

      These certainly are ‘Mysterious Times’ : /

  7. RedneckMother

    hmmmm... a case of "don't (let the cat) crap where you eat"?

  8. NXM

    Move the embassy

    They'd get a nice new embassy with a clean bathroom, and Julian wouldn't be able to either stay or go with them without being accosted by the rozzers. A win for everyone, and the Ecuadorians could keep kitty as their new diplocat.

    1. Admiral Grace Hopper

      Re: Move the embassy

      Diplocat is my new DJ name.

      1. DougS Silver badge

        Re: Move the embassy

        Diplocat killed the mau5.

    2. onefang Silver badge

      Re: Move the embassy

      "A win for everyone,"

      Not a win for Assange, so no, not everyone..

      1. Danny 14 Silver badge

        Re: Move the embassy

        it will be, he will get more freedom in a UK jail.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Move the embassy

      This is the most obvious thing to do at this time. I don't understand why the Ecuadorians haven't done this yet, or even why the British Government hasn't offered them a swanky new place for a month - rent free - since this will be cheaper than the police presence outside the current embassy.

      1. imanidiot Silver badge

        Re: Move the embassy

        Police presence outside the embassy ended in 2015. (http://uk.businessinsider.com/metropolitan-police-ends-24-7-guard-julian-assange-ecuador-embassy-wikileaks-2015-10?international=true&r=UK&IR=T)

        The went to "covert tactics". Probably a bunch of camera's in the area.

  9. Some Twat

    Tbh he's being very very stupid, shitting on the people who are keeping him out of the clutches of the US government. Very stupid indeed.

    1. JimmyPage Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Downvoted ..

      I agree as a basic courtesy he should be nice to his hosts. However, I remain to be convinced they are sheltering him from anyone or thing apart from a UK prison sentence for skipping bail.

      I wish people would stop with this James-Bond fantasy that he's somehow "marked". He's not, and (controversially ?) he never was. In fact, it's arguable that the only reason he is STILL holed up, is because he knows when he finally comes out, all the worshippers of St. Julian will see the feet of clay, as no one in the US gives a toss.

      "Julian .. who ?"

      1. Cris E

        Re: Downvoted ..

        Two years ago he might have been a person on interest in the US, but under the new regime anything Obama did is wrong so Julian's going to be free to go. The worst thing he could do is stay holed up until the 2020 election and find himself with a Dem in office looking for issues to display the restored vigor of the DOJ.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Downvoted ..

          "Two years ago he might have been a person on interest in the US, but under the new regime anything Obama did is wrong so Julian's going to be free to go."

          I suspect it's the other way round. The previous administration would have had the wit to realise the biggest punishment they could inflict would have been to ignore him. I think the current administration lacks wit.

        2. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
          Black Helicopters

          Re: Downvoted ..

          The original offense was unwanted sexual contact in Sweden, right?

          President Trump has said that's acceptable conduct, if I understand him correctly (and I admit, that is often somewhat difficult, as he speaks in 140 character bursts, not all of which are comprehensible).

          So...no harm, no foul...no black helicopters, right?

          // still, word may not have made it all the way down to the "snatch team" yet...

          1. defiler Silver badge

            Re: Downvoted ..

            "snatch team"

            Very good. I see what you did there.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Downvoted ..

        Who actually wants him? Ecuador doesn't anymore. Sweden has dropped the arrest warrant but "could" reassert it before the statute of limitations expires in August 2019 and probably won't. The USA doesn't seem to want him. Even his cat won't as he fails to look after it. This leaves just the UK justice system who wants him for bail jumping. The best thing to do there would be to follow the time honored tradition and deport him to Australia ....... after letting him spend a couple of nights sharing a prison cell with someone who is friendly but not kind to chaps who treat women or cats badly.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Downvoted ..

          "sharing a prison cell with someone who is friendly but not kind to chaps who treat women or cats badly"

          His friend Sandy?

        2. OffBeatMammal

          Re: Downvoted ..

          we don't want the feckless git back thanks very much

          1. Kernel

            Re: Downvoted ..

            "we don't want the feckless git back thanks very much"

            Why not? Australia is very keen to deport convicted criminals to their country of origin, so it seems only fair you get this character back.

        3. the Jim bloke Bronze badge

          Re: Downvoted ..

          Just like to point out..

          Australia doesn't particularly want him either

          We have standards for our foreign criminals..

      3. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        For Up Voting .. A.N.Other Perspective and SMARTR Parallel Tract ...

        .... from Greater Destinations of Immersive Dimensions

        Is the real panto villain of the piece and disturber of the peace, HMGovernment, whatever/whoever/wherever that be playing at the Great Game in these Ages of Greater IntelAIgent Games Plays?

        Surely Julian is a Seriously Serially Abused Asset which HMGovernment and its Crony Intelligence Services are Guilty of Remotely Restraining and Restricting? It's a Pan National Disgrace and Dark Dank Blot on International Copy Books/Public and Private and Pirate Aiders and Abetters?

        A few questions there for truthfully answering with a fuller understanding of wider plays at play.

        Such deserves certainly full government protection not ineffective faulty sanction.

        What say El Regers, now that we know a lot more about such as are Ultimate Shenanigans?

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: For Up Voting .. A.N.Other Perspective and SMARTR Parallel Tract ...

          What say El Regers

          I say that I don't give a toss about any of that. I do enjoy laughing at Assange's stupidity and arrogance, though.

      4. tony2heads

        Re: Downvoted ..

        Is the cat white and fluffy?

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "he's being very very stupid, shitting on the people who are keeping him out of the clutches of the US government"

      Don't they realise what a privilege it is having him shit on them?

  10. James O'Shea Silver badge

    translating to aussie the right way

    The Ecuadorians should kick him in his billabong and have him Advance Australia Fair out the door or be fed to a jumbuck.

  11. bigtimehustler

    It's obvious what he will do, stay till after August next year then leave, the punishment for skipping bail as a first offence in the UK will be basically nothing.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      as a first offence in the UK will be basically nothing

      Fret ye not! They'll release a murderer to make room in our jails.

    2. Velv Silver badge
      Boffin

      As an existing bail jumper he’s going to be denied any further bail, so he’s going to be held on remand.

      And it’s unlikely the CPS will rush to bring the case to court.

  12. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge

    Perhaps

    hes not staying in the embassy because the US will try to nab him once the british have lost interest (about 3 days after fining him £100 for jumping bail), but hes staying there because hes hiding from the people who DO want some harm to come to him.... I.E the people he stiffed for 1 million quid when he jumped bail...

    Pity he hadn't taken refuge in the Saudi embassy..... couldn't see them putting up with his cat crapping on the carpet for long.... ;)

  13. onefang Silver badge

    "called for a replacement fluent in Australian, perhaps misunderstanding that the former British colony still speaks the language of the Pom."

    Maybe they mistook Austria for Australia, it happens all the time.

  14. ottocid

    While I mainly support the activity of Wikileaks I strongly disagree with leaking documents of a LIVE MILITARY OPERATION. People can be killed because of this.

    There is a detail that is ignored:

    1) I leak documents with the intent of damaging/destroying a certain Nation.

    I disregard so much that nation that I don't care my actions could cause the death of people involved in military operations.

    2) After this super cunning act I expect that the counterpart gives me all the rights and guarantess provided by the system itself. The system I hate so much and I want to destroy. I expect also the system pays the legal fees.

    I am disgusted. Assange is a horrible human being.

    1. ici.chacal

      "LIVE MILITARY OPERATION. People can be killed because of this."

      Uh, yeah, that tends to happen on a military operation...

  15. Vincent Ballard
    FAIL

    What's he doing with his time?

    He's been in the embassy long enough to be completely fluent in Spanish if he made half an effort. Why does he need an interpreter?

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Re: What's he doing with his time?

      To help cut through the thick Aussie accent he speaks Spanish with.

  16. Obesrver1
    Devil

    Secret memo

    You have go it all all wrong

    Must dump a Secret Ecuador memo on Wikileaks site.

    Cat not recognised by Ecuador. Cat will be removed if it cannot defecate in kitty litter provided and mess cleaned up by its owner, Assange.

    Childs electronic cat to be substituted for Assange's mental health.

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Re: Secret memo

      "Childs electronic cat to be substituted for Assange's mental health."

      Wait, you can swap out your mental health, and install an electronic cat instead? Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

  17. Atomic Duetto

    Open the box, open the box

    Ha......., I imagine this used to be Schrödinger’s cat. Pussy always gets its revenge (and fairynuff to)

  18. HmmmYes Silver badge

    Ive met Assange once, before the kerfuffle

    He had BO and was a prick.

    Im betting Ecuador regret their charity.

  19. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

    Spare a thought for the translator

    Here's a copy of his pre-wikileaks site: https://cryptome.org/iq-org/IQ.ORG.htm.

    Turning that into english is hard enough, let alone spanish. Amanfrommars may have found his antipodean... well, his antipodes.

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