back to article On the first day of Christmas my true love gave me tea... pigs-in-blankets-flavoured tea

It's common knowledge that the British are a nation of tea drinkers but – yikes – Sainsbury's launch of pigs in blankets and Brussels sprout-flavoured teas ahead of the Christmas mania are a little beyond the pale brown water. Greggs_sausage_roll_manger Pastry in a manger: We're soz, Greggs man said READ MORE The UK …

  1. Rupert Fiennes Bronze badge

    Sprouts

    ..are lovely. You wierdo :-P

    Incidentally, they are even better with bacon. But then everything is.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Sprouts

      Sprouts are fantastic.

    2. Alister Silver badge

      Re: Sprouts

      Sprouts are indeed lovely.

      But sprout-flavoured tea? You are effectively drinking cabbage-water...

      Hmmm...

      1. Herring`

        Re: Sprouts

        I'm also a sprout fan* but I shall be giving the tea a miss.

        *Apart from frozen sprouts which are an abomination in the eyes of the Lord.

    3. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: Sprouts

      I hated sprouts until I had them at a work Christmas do where they were made by a proper chef. Apparently the secret is to not overcook them.

      1. Kubla Cant Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: Sprouts

        the secret is to not overcook them

        Quite right. They're ruined by people who put them on to cook on Christmas Eve. 05:00 on Christmas morning is plenty early enough.

      2. Pete Smith 2

        Re: Sprouts

        Same for all brassicas. Cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage. They all turn nasty if you cook them too much. Cook them just right and they're perfect.

    4. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Sprouts

      Incidentally, they are even better with bacon

      I came here to say the same thing. Cooked "al dente", tossed in butter with some bacon lardons and just a hint of nutmeg.

      Please don't confuse them with the stale, boiled-to-mush, sprout stew beloved of industrial cafeteria. Properly-done sprouts are excellent.

      1. Thoguht Silver badge

        Re: Sprouts

        Bacon lardons? Cut out the middleman and stir fry the sprouts in bacon fat to start with. Works best with the smallest, most tender sprouts of course, but if you're stuck with large ones you can microwave them for a couple of minutes first.

      2. Gotno iShit Wantno iShit

        Re: Sprouts

        I came here to say the same thing. Cooked "al dente", tossed in butter with some bacon lardons and just a hint of nutmeg.

        It is truly a crime that I can only upvote this once.

      3. davemcwish

        Re: Sprouts

        I thinly slice mine before frying with porky goodness and butter; no need for ruining by microwave either. Those that have more time on their hands and/or wanting to emulate Heston, the chef not the place on the M4, can separate the leaves individually.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: Sprouts

          What is all this talk of fried sprouts and bacon (yummy!) that fails to mention the all-important holy trinity of ingredients? Bacon, sprouts and chestnuts. Yummy.

          Sprout tea on the other hand is an abomination. I think I'll boycott Sainsbury's tonight and go shopping in Aldi in protest. This is nothing to do with a new one just opening here that happens to sell the finest chilli peanuts in Christendom along with their excellent chocolate and wonderful choice of booze. That has nothing to do with the decision I'd already just made.

          As to pigs in blankets tea, well I like bacon sarnies with a cuppa, but this seems ridiculous.

          1. Mycho Silver badge

            Re: Sprouts

            I can't digest sprouts.

            Every medical condition has its up-side.

      4. JohnFen Silver badge

        Re: Sprouts

        "Properly-done sprouts are excellent."

        I have had properly-done sprouts (at least properly done according to some sprout-lovers I know). I still find them horrific to the point of inedibility.

      5. Hey Nonny Nonny Mouse

        Re: Sprouts

        Stir fried sprouts are also a good thing, as is a Boxing day breakfast bubble n squeak made with leftover (I know, but there are only so many kilos a man can eat) sprouts.

    5. ridley

      Re: Sprouts

      Cannot agree more, lovely.

      Using the water from them makes a great base for gravy too.

    6. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Sprouts

      Agree about the bacon - even vegan food is better with bacon sprinkles.

      And the sprout is God's anointed vegetable, closely followed by savoy cabbage. I understand that some people don't really rate broccoli, and most would agree that kale and turnips are for cattle, not humans. (N.B. Neeps with haggis of course aren't what the English call turnips, but are actually Swedish Turneeps, or swedes, which are lovely)

      Of course the potato is in a category of its own.

      And celery is Satan's favourite vegetable.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Sprouts

        "Neeps with haggis of course aren't what the English call turnips, but are actually Swedish Turneeps, or swedes, which are lovely"

        OK, total confusion now. When I worra lad turnips were the large yellow-fleshed veg used, inter alia to make turnip lanterns for bonfire night (Halloween? <spit>) and swedes were the little white jobs. Now it seems to be t'other way about. So I'm not sure what you're alleging the English call turnips.

        Personally I prefer the big yellow-fleshed version and even better mashed with carrots.

        But let's also hear it for kohl rabbi.

        1. Martin-73 Silver badge

          Re: Sprouts

          This might be north south rather than england scotland.... here in the deep sarf, the large yellow fleshed things are swedes, and the small whitish things that baldrick ate are turnips.

          North of t'border it's reversed, maybe in other regions also?

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Sprouts

            "the small whitish things that baldrick ate are turnips."

            So your turnip lanterns are rather small miserable things then?

    7. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. LeahroyNake Bronze badge

        Re: Sprouts

        Celery rightfully claims that crown !

        Even people that supposedly like it dip it in salt to make it semi edible.

        Celery is the only thing on my food / I will gag if I smell it list.

        1. ibmalone Silver badge

          Re: Sprouts

          Celery rightfully claims that crown !

          Even people that supposedly like it dip it in salt to make it semi edible.

          Celery is the only thing on my food / I will gag if I smell it list.

          Whatever your stance on raw celery (I'll happily eat it, but don't seek it out), cooked it plays an important role in lots of mince based things, bolognese, shepherd's pie etc.

    8. Not also known as SC
      Meh

      Re: Sprouts

      are evil.

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: Sprouts

        ...are an Abomination Unto Nuggan!

    9. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sprouts

      Liking sprouts is linked to your genetics. A certain gene (or combination of genes) means that a portion of the population cannot taste the chemical that makes them inedible to those of us that can taste it.

      See also coriander, which I love but some people think taste of soap (and how do they know?).

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sprouts

        a portion of the population cannot taste the chemical that makes them inedible to those of us that can taste it.

        Is there any connection to the gene that allows some people to eat asparagus without smelling it every time they take a piss for the next day?

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Sprouts

          There are two basic mutations regarding the asparagus piss smell. Type A is a mutation in the enzyme that breaks down the protein into the smelly, excretable molecules that end up in piss. Type B is a mutation in the smell receptor that reacts to the smelly molecules in the piss.

          Type A mutants are not a problem. Type B, however, simply insist that their piss doesn't smell bad despite that fact that over half the population are retching at the foul stench of their micturate.

    10. Flakk Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Sprouts

      Whatever possessed the Belgians to develop a Barbie-sized cabbage is wholly beyond me, especially considering that even she won't eat them.

    11. FuzzyWuzzys Silver badge
      Stop

      Re: Sprouts

      Not if you're allergic and and they make you violently sick! Hated them as a kid, forced to ensure them I never felt right. As an adult my reaction one Crimble was to eat 2 and then get to see my entire Crimble din-dins all over a again and spend the next hour lying on the sofa feeling like death warmed up, itching, sweating and shaking. I later learned my Dad doesn't eat them either as they make him feel sick too.

      My body sees all the goodness in the little green sods as a threat to my immune system and I break out in sweats, itchiness and vomitting. I can't even stand the smell when my wife cooks cruciferious veggies like cabbage. We have to agree for me to be out of the house when my family wants to eat them!

      1. Mycho Silver badge

        Re: Sprouts

        @FuzzyWuzzys

        I take it you're okay with lettuce?

        Brassicas specifically are known to trigger a number of different reactions in people. If so then you might consider a more mediterranean diet.

  2. mr-slappy

    The King of Vegetables

    What?? The Brussels sprout is the King of Vegetables. I’m sure my family would back me up on this one.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: The King of Vegetables

      Now come on, peas are the king of vegetables.

      They are useful in the case that some southern fool makes gravy that resembles a liquid, the peas can be mixed in to give it a more chewy gravy like consistency.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: The King of Vegetables

        "Now come on, peas are the king of vegetables."

        Only if you eat them with honey. Otherwise they roll off your knife.

    2. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: The King of Vegetables

      The Brussels sprout is the King of Vegetables

      As convincing an argument as any for republicanism

    3. Marco van de Voort

      Re: The King of Vegetables

      Aspargus, obviously.

    4. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Megaphone

      Re: The King of Vegetables

      I'm sorry, there can be no argument. The potato is the King of Vegetables. In fact, it's also the King Edward of vegetables. Sprouts are indeed nice, as is sparrow-grass, peas, the roast parsnip etc.

      But the holy potato give us the chip, the potato salad, beautiful new ones slathered in butter and served with fish, dauphinoise (for those on a diet), and perhaps best of all mash. No perhaps the most noble of all the delectable roastie.

      I've not even mentioned croquettes, rosti and bakes. Nor the beautiful cripsy, buttery potatoey lid on top of a hot pot.

      Worship the Holy Potato! Give thanks for it's Mighty Deliciousity!

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: The King of Vegetables

        "Worship the Holy Potato!"

        Wow! If it wasn't dark I'd be inspired to go out and dig up a few.

      2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

        Re: But the holy potato give us the chip, the potato salad,...

        ...I have them in my socks. too...

      3. Rafael #872397

        Re: Worship the Holy Potato! Give thanks for it's Mighty Deliciousity!

        ALL HAIL THE HOLY POTATO.

        Not a big fan of the vegetable, but a sucker for pseudo-religious fake frenzy.

      4. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: The King of Vegetables

        Obviously potato is king of the vegetables, but my girlfriend tells me that potatoes don't count as a vegetable and that I must eat something green.

        It may be more correct to say that while potatoes are the king of vegetables, peas are definitely in the line of succession.

      5. Alister Silver badge

        Re: The King of Vegetables

        @I ain't Spartacus.

        Is your name Rincewind, by any chance?

  3. Tigra 07 Silver badge
    Devil

    There! Fixed that for you!

    "an Advent calendar featuring a sausage roll in a manger rather than the Logos Emmanuel, Son of God himself, Jesus Christ"

    The alleged son of the alleged God himself, or herself, Jesus Christ.

    Sincerely

    A pedantic atheist, and yeah, im going to hell, but all the good stuff is forbidden in the Bibble and in hell anyway!

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Angel

      Re: There! Fixed that for you!

      Bibble? I hope that was intentional... being an atheist an alll...

      1. Tigra 07 Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Chivo243

        Yes, it was intentional. I don't hold any love or respect for religion (except parody ones like Pastafarianism and Satanism). I'm sceptical that there ever was a Jebus.

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: Chivo243

          (except parody ones like Pastafarianism

          Bite your tongue man!! His benevolence isn't a parody.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Chivo243

            Bite your tongue, mon!

            FTFY

          2. Tigra 07 Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Chivo243

            "Bite your tongue man!! His benevolence isn't a parody."

            May his noodly appendage both bless and fondle you. Ramen.

    2. Big John Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: There! Fixed that for you!

      > "...im going to hell, but all the good stuff is forbidden in the Bibble and in hell anyway!"

      Oh no, you have that backwards. It's in heaven that all the good stuff is forbidden. In hell you can do whatever the heck you want.

      1. Tigra 07 Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: There! Fixed that for you!

        "Oh no, you have that backwards. It's in heaven that all the good stuff is forbidden. In hell you can do whatever the heck you want."

        I actually had it right, i believe i just missed the comma: "but all the good stuff is forbidden in the Bibble, and in hell anyway"

        I've always struggled with commas * facepalm *

  4. }{amis}{ Silver badge
    Devil

    I love sprouts!

    But the sprouts don't love me, I can clear the top deck of a bus after eating the blighters ;->

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: I love sprouts!

      Thank goodness smoking is banned on buses these days

      The otherwise inevitable consequences -->

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

    Companies who start "Christmas" in early October (or even late September) are a large part of the reason I've grown to hate it.

    Boots, for example, already had festive-themed sandwiches on sale last week (i.e. early October, barely a month past the end of summer). In that case, they can't even use the excuse that people might want to do their shopping in advance.

    Christmas has become the obnoxious attention whore that spreads itself across the final three months of the year, doing its best to ruin the pleasure of a nice autumn, promising the earth for three months then consistently failing to deliver anything more than the usual anticlimactic shite that didn't come close to warranting the endless hype (because realistically, what *could*- especially as by that point you're sick of it?).

    And then nine months later the cycle starts all over again, whether you like having it shoved in your face or not.

    No apologies or self-deprecating "humbug" comments- I fucking despise this.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      Don't hold back, tell us what you really think.

    2. Alister Silver badge

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      Well said sir, I wholeheartedly endorse your comments.

      Christmas should be a thing only in December, not plastered across a quarter of the year.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

        I have to say, it's one plus point for being USAnian. Having Thanksgiving at the end of November effectively takes up everyone's party attention, so Christmas doesn't really get going until after that.

        The price for that is Black Friday, of course. That abomination is even spreading to Europe, and the French don't even have the good manners to call it "vendredi noir".

        1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

          In Blighty we have our own early pre-Christmas celebration - the burning of Papists on the 5th of November.

          That's been overtaken by the bloody awful American style Halloween and Christmas still manages to encroach.

        2. Martin an gof Silver badge

          Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

          Having Thanksgiving at the end of November effectively takes up everyone's party attention, so Christmas doesn't really get going until after that.

          We have a family birthday in early December, so Christmas preparations are effectively banned until that is well and truly over. Does the job.

          What really annoys the children though is that the shops are full of "back to school" branding in mid July, before the Summer holidays have even started!

          M.

        3. JohnFen Silver badge

          Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

          "so Christmas doesn't really get going until after that."

          Damn, I'm a USian, but that's not how it works in my neck of the woods. I'm already seeing Christmas decorations, and we have a whole holiday before Thanksgiving even arrives. Admittedly, though, at least the stores are "nice" enough to wait until after Thanksgiving before they start assaulting us with that damned Christmas music.

          1. Shadow Systems Silver badge

            Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

            At JohnFen, re: American Christmas.

            Your local stores have NOT started assaulting you with Christmas crap yet?

            You. Lucky. Bastard. =-)p

            I'm in California near the Bay Area & our local stores are already playing the music, putting up their displays, & forcing folks to play Hunt The Wocket to try & find stuff that's not part of the Christmas crap. Like the milk display now has eggnogg in it at the cost of the space where other brands would be. If you want $OtherBrand then you have to shove stuff aside & look all the way in the back, but if you want over priced eggnogg then it's right up front & in your face. If you want regular, plain, simple plastic trash bags then you've got two or three choices, but if you want "holiday themed" crap then there were no fewer than *TWELVE* different kinds on the shelf where I shop. Even the fucking *breakfast cereal boxes* were holiday theme shit. It's enough to drive me even more insane than I already am. =-J

            My next door neighbor tends to build elaborate light displays for his home. It can take a while to set it all up. I understand that. But it's fuckin OCTOBER FFS & the cheery chump is already hammering & painting & stringing lights & singing carols. I retaliated by putting my speakers to the window & cranking up anti-Christmas music as loud as I dared in protest. "I hear your Twelve Days & raise you techno polka bagpipe music! HA!"

            *Cough*

            Your local stores haven't started assaulting you with Christmassy shit yet? Where do you live? It sounds almost sane!

            1. hplasm Silver badge
              Thumb Up

              Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

              "techno polka bagpipe music! "

              Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter and Soundcloud.

              1. Grikath Silver badge

                Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

                @ hplasm "techno polka bagpipe music! "

                https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuG9rNG_QHw

                There you go... ;)

            2. JohnFen Silver badge

              Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

              Oh, you have my deepest sympathies! (Although I wouldn't actually mind if they sold egg nog year round...)

              "Where do you live? It sounds almost sane!"

              The pacific northwest. I wouldn't call it "sane", but I do think it's the closest to paradise you can get in the continental US. (Oh no! I broke the social rule designed to keep people from wanting to move here. I meant to say "it's cold, wet, and miserable all year long.")

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

        "not plastered across a quarter of the year."

        Only a quarter? SWMBO volunteers in a charity shop. They were supplied with Christmas cards and instructions to display them in late August.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      > Christmas has become the obnoxious attention whore that spreads itself across the final three months of the year

      Heartily agree. One of the few cultural advantages the Yanks have over the Brits is Thanksgiving - because it prevents Christmas from starting too early.

      I was going to suggest we create another festival in the run-up to Christmas - perhaps a second Guy Fawke's night when effigies[1] of those responsible for the Brexit referendum could be burnt on bonfires across the country. But then I realised that would entail having to endure weeks of David Cameron masks in the tat shops. :-(

      [1] for the second year onwards ;-)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

        when effigies[1] of those responsible for the Brexit referendum could be burnt on bonfires across the country

        Well, 48% could burn effigies of Cameron, the other 52% could open some fine kentish ale and make rude gestures towards the continent. As long as we get a 4-day weekend we all win.

      2. jimbo60

        Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

        > One of the few cultural advantages the Yanks have over the Brits is Thanksgiving - because it prevents Christmas from starting too early.

        Sorry, no. Certain 'warehouse' stores (Costco, etc.) put out big stacks of Christmas stuff weeks ago. The giant stacks of Thanksgiving pumpkin pies won't be there for another few weeks. Ironically, most of their Christmas stock will be gone by the time December begins, because the early shoppers know it will be gone.

        At least the music has not started.

    4. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      Companies who start "Christmas" in early October (or even late September) are a large part of the reason I've grown to hate it.

      Some of the shops around here started with the Christmas guff in *early* September.

      I totally agree with you in my hatred for all of this.

      I've got nothing at all against Mr & Mrs Christ's little boy, but I really do think we're making far too much of a fuss over his birthday.

    5. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      The moneywankers at Tescos have had an Xmas aisle in their superstore in Portsmouth since early September.

    6. FlossyThePig

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      What about the "12 Days of Christmas". You know the period AFTER Christmas ending on January 6th.

      Don't worry El reg and others will get it wrong yet again.

    7. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      *Thunderous standing ovation*

      Thank you! I'll add my name to the list of people sick & fekkin tired of having the holiday shoved down our throats at ever earlier times of the year.

      I was at my doctor's office yesterday & they were playing "light jazz Christmas music" in their lobby. It made me want to strangle someone. "We've not even bought Halloween candy yet, we've not even had Thanksgiving pie, and you're playing CHRISTMAS music?!? Who do I get to maul for this attrocity?"

      And don't even get me started on how early that shite starts in shopping malls, if you work in one & get subjected to it for nearly half the year "to put you in the spirit of the holiday" then it should be legal to find the fucker in charge of the music & strangle them to death with their own ear canals.

      1. Down not across
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

        ...then it should be legal to find the fucker in charge of the music & strangle them to death with their own ear canals.

        That. Conjured up some bizarre imagery. Thanks for the laugh!

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      You're lucky!

      My autistic son (very low functioning) loves Christmas music and he'll play Christmas carols on a continuous loop from around February until November (funnily enough, not actually at Christmas) - usually one particular song over and over again. If I ever see three sailing ships I'll probably have a melt down.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

        Mr Anon,

        I feel your pain, of your autistic son's music choices. That really seems to be a thing with the condition. The autistic daughter of friends had a thing for the 15-to-1 theme tune. Which they were required to play in the car more times than any human being should have to put up with. While the autistic girl we used to do respite care for had a real passion for 'King of the Swingers' from the 'Jungle Book'. I've sung that song more times than I care to remember - although amazingly I still don't hate it. I reserve that loathing for her other favourite, off a children's music tape, which was a talentless arse singing the names of the colours to the worst cheap keyboard backing imaginable. Arrggghhh!! Sometimes though, the choice is screaming or awful music (alongside the quieter but more insistent screaming inside your own head). I hope for better music choices for you in future. To quote Churchill, "keep buggering on."

    9. Franco Silver badge

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      I heartily agree with the addendum that the thing that REALLY pisses me off about Christmas is being told to "cheer up, it's Christmas" by miserable bastards who wouldn't give you the steam off their shite the other 11 months of the year.

      Back on topic, what was wrong with tea flavoured tea and coffee flavoured coffee? I know the usual consensus round these parts is everything is better with bacon (just read the comments sections on any article about food by the sorely missed Lester Haines) but I draw the line at adding pork products (or the taste of them) to beverages.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

        Back on topic, what was wrong with tea flavoured tea and coffee flavoured coffee? I know the usual consensus round these parts is everything is better with bacon (just read the comments sections on any article about food by the sorely missed Lester Haines) but I draw the line at adding pork products (or the taste of them) to beverages.

        Right now, the current fad in the States is pumpkin flavored tea and coffee... <gag>

        1. Wedge2

          Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

          "Right now, the current fad in the States is pumpkin flavored tea and coffee... <gag>"

          In Blighty we had pumpkin beer call 'Good God' from a local micro brewery in the 90's.

    10. SVV Silver badge

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      I went to a supermarket today, in a teeshirt, due to the warm clear sunny weather. As I ended up down the aisle festooned with chocolate santas' snowmen, etc the audible groans of disapproval of other shoppers passing by them brought a bit of summer cheer into my heart.

    11. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Christmas is essentially Page 71 of the Brand New Monty Python Bok

      Christmas has been lost in the quest for profit. Corporate greed is the new religion.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Crimble Free Zone?

    Can we please make this site a Christmas free zone until say... 1st December.

    We already have Mince Pies (Best Before Date 2nd Nov????) and other stuff on sale in supermarkets. Then there is at least one TV channel already showing Christmas Movies almost 24/7.

    Effing Halloween is bad enough but Christmas stuff on sale before the end of October?

    No. Please No. Can we please stop the world I want to get off until December.

    How about it El Reg?

    1. Excellentsword (Written by Reg staff)

      Re: Crimble Free Zone?

      We can't even point and laugh at how silly it is? You sound like a right Scrooge McDuck.

      1. Not also known as SC
        Flame

        Re: Crimble Free Zone?

        "We can't even point and laugh at how silly it is? You sound like a right Scrooge McDuck."

        This always bothers me. Scrooge was mean at the story but by the end he had become one of the finest men the City of London had ever known and was famed for his generosity. Is this remembered? No. Instead he is a byword for meanness. Why did he waste his time?

      2. hplasm Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Crimble Free Zone?

        Bah. Everton Mints!

    2. Dazed and Confused Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Crimble Free Zone?

      > Can we please make this site a Christmas free zone until say... 1st December.

      Please, Please, Please, not just this site but this whole country!

      Anyone marketing or even mentioning Christmas should be banned from celebrating it in any way shape or form for at least 7 years.

      AC, just be glad you don't live in Oz. Since Christmas day arrives midsummer lots of places down there have added a second commercial Christmas in the middle of their winter too. ARGH!

      Now why isn't there a humbug icon when I need one, oh well beer will have to do, role on December when I'm more than happy to fall over with a few jars of Christmas Ale, but even that has a time when it's acceptable.

    3. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Crimble Free Zone?

      Hmm you sound like Inspector Fowler from "The Thin Blue Line"

      Stop Fannying about!

    4. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Crimble Free Zone?

      It's reasonable to have a small selection of Festive Greetings cards on sale in late Nov, so that people can catch the cheap post for Australia. Advent calendars can go on sale at the same time (and should not include chocolates, gin miniatures or other treats behind each door). Then it's nothing until a week before Christmas, that's plenty of time to buy presents. And a total ban on Christmas music except in association with Christian religious observances.

      And no New Year sales to start until Jan 1st.

      But otherwise, I'm fine with the whole season.

      1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

        Re: Crimble Free Zone?

        One of my biggest bugbears is how early the local council puts up the Xmas lights. Last year, the photographs in the local paper of the Remembrance Day ceremony featured a load of solemn-looking people stood with bowed heads around the war memorial, with a load of flashing-light Santas, reindeer and snowmen in the background. Just plain wrong.

        1. Franco Silver badge

          Re: Crimble Free Zone?

          I mostly agree, but about 5 years ago I was driving home and nearly crashed my car I was laughing so hard at what I saw.

          I was driving through Allanton in North Lanarkshire and the council lights were designed to resemble candles. However the light at the top representing the flame was in two stages and flashed on and off, and combined with the holly wreath round the base meant that driving down the street you would quire literally feel that Christmas had "come" early.

  7. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    What if they weren't called Brussels Sprouts

    but Newcastle Sprouts or Shropshire Sprouts?

    I like them no matter the name. Cooked properly and served warm of course...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What if they weren't called Brussels Sprouts

      or Shropshire Sprouts?

      Don't suggest it. There would be whole restaurants in Ludlow selling nothing but sprout-based fare.

    2. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: What if they weren't called Brussels Sprouts

      You're correct, come the Glorious Day of Freedom next March, we should call them something more British. Dagenham Sprouts has a nice ring to it...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What if they weren't called Brussels Sprouts

      A lump of shite by any other name...

  8. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Brussel sprouts are an abomination

    I literally choke on the things. I hate them with a passion. And now they do tea bags of it ?

    Let me show you where you can put your tea bags . .

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Brussel sprouts are an abomination

      Have you tried chewing before swallowing?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tea

    Should be dark, taste of tea, splash of cold milk (after the brewing you heathen). You can stuff your green, fruit, camomile (dont you put that on kids with a rash?), mint, hippy concoctions that claim to be tea. Saussage and sprout tea? - Its just WRONG!!eleven!one!

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Tea

      I think we need a campaign for real tea.

      Just as the meat-growers are campaigning to ban calling anything 'milk' which doesn't come from a mammal's udders (so no Soya, almond, oat, rice milk etc) we should insist that only the leaves of the Camellia sinensis can be used to make tea. Preferably black tea, not this poncey green stuff. If you want other strange flavours call it a herbal tisanne.

      It can only be drunk with milk (sugar optional) or, if you're European, lemon.

      For real ethnic diversity yak butter would also be acceptable.

      And don't get me started on flavoured coffees - the world does not need christmas pudding flavour coffee. And if you want almond-flavoured coffee just add a slug of Amaretto.

      1. Korev Silver badge

        Re: Tea

        >It can only be drunk with milk (sugar optional) or, if you're European, lemon.

        Brits should be allowed to drink Earl Grey with lemon though; those who insist on putting milk into EG should be removed from the gene pool forthwith.

        1. BoldMan

          Re: Tea

          those who insist on drinking EG should be removed from the gene pool forthwith.

          FTFY

        2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Devil

          Re: Tea

          >It can only be drunk with milk (sugar optional) or, if you're European, lemon.

          Lemon tea is delicious, and I'll fight anyone who says different. Earl Grey should be drunk black, although I suppose Lady Grey is a thing, so maybe lemon can be allowed for that too.

          But in fact all tea should be drunk black. You completely bugger up something delicate and delicious like Darjeeling by dumping cow juice in it. I did used to take milk, so it's fine if you want it in a normal "breakfast tea" type of blend.

          But green tea is also nice, jasmine being even nicer. White tea on the other hand you can leave right out. I also like fruit teas, and I think variety in everything is fine, so long as nothing is allowed to crowd out the proper cuppa.

          However I think we should all form an alliance and destroy the poncy so-and-so's who drink hot water with nothing in it. I'm sure they're only doing it to show off, and should thus be roundly mocked, if not actually boiled alive and decanted into mugs - as a warning to numbskulls.

          1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

            Re: Tea

            However I think we should all form an alliance and destroy the poncy so-and-so's who drink hot water with nothing in it.

            I have a friend who drinks boiling water with milk in it!

            1. hplasm Silver badge
              Devil

              Re: Tea

              "I have a friend who drinks boiling water with milk in it!"

              See if he likes it with lemon...

      2. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

        Re: Tea "not this poncey green stuff."

        You do realise that that "poncy green stuff" is exactly the same as the "non poncy black stuff" right?? (I'll make the assumption that that is how you pigeonhole things).

        The only difference is that the leaves are not withered or steamed prior to being air dried, sliced and diced and then packed etc. The only reason it is called "black tea" is because the leaves are withered i.e. blackened prior to packing.

    2. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Tea

      Its just WRONG!!

      Made by people who thought the Harry Potter stories were documentaries.

  10. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Alien

    "Tea. Pigs-in-a-blanket flavored. Hot."

    I doubt Jean-Luc would approve...

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: "Tea. Pigs-in-a-blanket flavored. Hot."

      Why not? He drinks the nancified Earl Grey stuff.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: "Tea. Pigs-in-a-blanket flavored. Hot."

        Earl Grey is lovely. Not for everyday perhaps, but lovely nonetheless. Shall we call it a part of a healthily balanced beverage diet.

  11. theastrodragon

    What's in a name?

    Will we have to rename the lovely veggies once we leave the EU?

    1. Rupert Fiennes Bronze badge

      Re: What's in a name?

      I think the idea is that when we leave the EU, we can call them whatever the hell we like :-)

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: What's in a name?

      I never saw a single Brussels sprout when I lived in Brussels. I don't remember them being on sale in the supermarkets, and they weren't on restaurant menus either. So I'm not if we haven't blamed them unfairly on the Belgians.

      Like what we call Danish pastries are actually called Viennese pastries in Denmark.

      Oh and the Belgians don't eat Belgian buns either, the bastards! I was rather disappointed when I couldn't find those in my extensive Brussels bakery research field trips. Though I did manage to find plenty of Danish pastries, cream things, chocolate other things and of course the lovely pain au chocolat that tempted me on my daily commute to the Metro station with on-platform bakery-access. That's a cruel (but delicious) trick to play on an early morning commuter's weakened willpower.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: What's in a name?

        I never saw a single Brussels sprout when I lived in Brussels.

        Interesting, in France they're called "choux de bruxelles" (Brussels cabbage) so there must be some link.

        Of course names do show old enmities/friendships. What the British call "taking French leave" (i.e. going AWOL) the French refer to as "filer a l'Anglaise" (sneaking off English-style).

      2. JohnFen Silver badge

        Re: What's in a name?

        OK, I had to look up the etymology of "Brussles Sprouts". According to Wikipedia (I never said I spent a lot of time on this):

        "Although native to the Mediterranean region with other cabbage species, Brussels sprouts first appeared in northern Europe during the fifth century, later being cultivated in the 13th century near Brussels, from which they derived their name.[1][2] In common names and misspelling, they may also be called brussels sprouts, Brussel sprouts, or brussel sprouts."

    3. hplasm Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: What's in a name?

      Brexit Sprouts.

      Some like them, some don't...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: What's in a name?

        Brexit Sprouts.

        Some like them, some don't...

        Done properly they can be excellent, but many people don't know how to do them, and others dislike them on principle without even trying them?

  12. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Flame

    Maybe they could get the fucking basics right, first ?

    Before this wankfest of hipster shite, why not work on stocking your stores with the shit you are supposed to sell ? Because the past few months have seen us missing at least one if not two items that are on our list. Last weeks being "12 eggs". Oh, yes you had eggs in 6s. Eggs in all sorts of boxes. But 12 large eggs in one box ? May as well have asked for an elephant ear in a bun.

    (We just happen to use Sainsburys, as trialling Tesco, Morrisons, and Waitrose demonstrated you can't get a rizla paper between them for anything.)

    1. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

      Re: can't get a rizla paper between them

      Really? I don't know much about Morrisons, but Tesco & Waitrose? You must be as rich as Croesus.

      1. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

        Re: can't get a rizla paper between them

        Well I don't know what the downvotes are about, but where I live Tesco is a lot cheaper than Waitrose.

    2. Tigra 07 Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: JimmyPage

      "Last weeks being "12 eggs". Oh, yes you had eggs in 6s. Eggs in all sorts of boxes. But 12 large eggs in one box ?"

      Just checking...You do realise you could just buy two boxes of 6? Hey presto! 12 eggs!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: You do realise you could just buy two boxes of 6?

        For the same price as a box of 12 ?

        No. You have to pay extra for the privilege.

      2. Tigra 07 Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: JimmyPage

        I'm frequently discriminating against in shops as no one sells a carton of exactly 11 eggs...

    3. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Maybe they could get the fucking basics right, first ?

      Eggs in boxes of 12 I can cope with, although nature intended them to come in sixes.

      But which satanic marketing firm decided that 15 was an acceptable number of eggs in a box?

  13. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Christmas...

    Christmas. I don't like Christmas. I do enjoy the time off though and thank the Pagans for the nice midwinter holiday. Anything that can be done to parody the Christians at their most hallowed time of year should be done - and hats off to Greggs for the laughs.

    Anyway, I love Pigs in Blankets - but draw the line at the Xmas tree flavoured crisps on sale at Iceland (Bejams to the over 40's contingent).

    1. Pedigree-Pete Bronze badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Pigs in Blankets....????

      WTF... they were and still are called Kilted Sausages. PP

  14. Steve Button

    It's fucking October ffs

    I mean seriously sainsbury's give it a rest.

  15. tiggity Silver badge

    sprout lovers or haters

    .. might be beyond your control

    https://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2011/nov/01/brussel-sprout-gene

    I can even taste PTC from when OH steams brassica with other vegetable in same steamer (even if in different steamer modules) and the other veg is thus contaminated with brassica chemicals.

    It can affect other things such as wine preferences too.

    Though just because you can taste the bitterness, does not necessarily mean you will hate sprouts etc. (though I do!)

  16. Anonymous IV
    Thumb Down

    Pine-ing for the fjords...

    Iceland is selling "pigs in blankets"-flavoured crisps - and also "Christmas tree" flavour!

    How do they taste? Not too unpleasant, and unutterably disgusting, in that order.

    1. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

      Re: Christmas tree ... unutterably disgusting

      I agree. The Toilet Duck flavour is much better.

      1. 's water music Silver badge

        Re: Christmas tree ... unutterably disgusting

        I agree. The Toilet Duck flavour is much better.

        meh. wake me up when they have toilet duck flavour tide pods

  17. IsJustabloke Silver badge
    Trollface

    Sprouts Are little green globes of gorgeousness!

    They also make excellent substitutes for Ferraro Roche chocolates when wrapped in the carefully removed wrappers from actual Ferraro Roche choccies and given out on Halloween :)

    I find the parents think it's hilarious, the kids not so much but there's nothing in the rules that says my "treats" can't also be "tricks"

    1. Martin an gof Silver badge

      Re: Sprouts Are little green globes of gorgeousness!

      excellent substitutes for Ferraro Roche chocolates

      Boss at a previous job had a particular fondness for removing the paper lid and confetti from party poppers, then jamming a sprout in and firing it across the room at work Christmas parties. Priceless.

      M.

  18. pdebarra

    You are obviously not including Ireland in "the British Isles", which is of course correct. We don't know here what pigs in blankets are. I knew because it came up in a table quiz once, but then I forgot. Now, I'll remember again. For a while.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      You can fix that by making them a staple of your diet for the next six months.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      pdebarra,

      I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Please start a campaign to re-educate your countrymen immediately. The bacon-wrapped sausage is a thing of piggy beauty, and should be treasured by all. Admittedly it's not the healthiest foodstuff, but then I believe you guys eat white pudding, so I'm sure that shouldn't be a problem.

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. Joe W

    T-bone-tea

    "tea bags" filled with ground and dried meat and some dried veggies, they make a nice broth! Throw in some penne or farfalle.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: T-bone-tea

      Surely that's a cup-a-soup?

  21. Dazed and Confused Silver badge
    Flame

    Re: which is vegan, don't you know?

    Yes, we can just see little Timmy's eyes light up at the thought of slurping down a nice hot cup of meat-flavoured liquid (which is vegan, don't you know?)

    I call cultural appropriation!

    I've no problem with people deciding to be vegan, but if they want to be vegan they shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the flavours belonging to meat eaters.

  22. JohnFen Silver badge

    Failed my endurance test

    "Kids hate them, adults learn to endure them "

    I'm reasonably sure that I'm an adult, but I've never learned to endure those nasty, bitter little lumps of hatred.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Failed my endurance test

      > "I'm reasonably sure that I'm an adult, but I've never learned to endure those nasty, bitter little lumps of hatred."

      I quite understand your sentiments about the kids, but aren't sprouts delicious?

    2. hplasm Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Failed my endurance test

      "Kids hate them, adults learn to endure them "

      Kids call them things like King Kong's Snotballs...

      just sayin'

  23. Noonoot

    Are Brits that gullible?

    That really is taking the biscuit.

  24. Noonoot

    Isn't this just another name for Bovril?

    Who still drinks that stuff?

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Isn't this just another name for Bovril?

      Bovril is delicious on toast.

  25. Juan Inamillion

    Potatoes

    A bit off topic but...

    Many years ago when I was a roadie it took a while before catering was brought along on a tour. 'Food' on the road was usually at the behest - or mercy- of the promoter and usually consisted of pizzas and cheap beer. Early tour catering companies were often chancers who lacked some of the necessary cooking skills, which often led to some confrontations and redecorated kitchen areas..

    We reckoned one such nameless company should have had as a moto 'If it can't be made with potatoes, it can't be made at all', such were their limits. The same company carried pallet loads of baked beans when touring Europe too...

    Brussel sprouts would have been a luxury.

    And celery is most definitely Satan's food of choice.

  26. Spanners Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Norwegian Style

    My late brother in law used to tell of how the "chef" on a Norwegian ship he worked on used to deep fry them!

    Makes the southern English habit of boiling them for a week sound healthy...

  27. Tom 35 Silver badge

    I can see one purpose

    If there is someone at the office that keeps stealing your tea.

  28. jimbo60

    Good sprouts

    Forget boiling. Baking / blackened is great. Here is one approach:

    Cubed butternut squash, sliced red onion, sprouts cut in half (preferably smaller ones). Oil a baking pan, spread the above on the pan, season with salt and generous amounts of garlic powder, and bake in the oven at baking temp (350F in the US). Stir and turn occasionally. Done in about 45 minutes, or whenever the sprouts are cooked through, preferably with some nice blackened crispy edges. Bonus points if you can find some specialty butternut squash oil to sprinkle on everything.

    Three of us consumed an entire pan of that along with some pan seared salmon the other day. Yum.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019