back to article Robot Operating System gets the Microsoft treatment

The robots are coming, and they will be powered by Windows. The Robot Operating System for Windows, that is. Microsoft followed up its excited squeaking about Azure and productivity at Ignite last week by putting in a weekend appearance at ROSCon 2018 in Madrid, Spain to show off its very own trundlebot, a variant of Turtlebot …

  1. arctic_haze Silver badge

    Doomed

    We are so doomed...

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Doomed

      We are safe.....

      The one thing that is going to stop a robot uprising is having it run on windows.

      Who is going to turn the Terminators off and on again ?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Doomed

        A fatal exception has occurred in 3laws.dll . What action would you like to take?

        (R)estart

        (E)xterminate

        (D)estroy all humans

    2. heyrick Silver badge

      Re: Doomed

      "We are so doomed..."

      Not at all. Just do something unexpected like run towards the robot singing The Chicken Song, and it will turn blue and stop responding.

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Black Helicopters

      Embrace... Extend... Extinguish...

      EX-TERMINATE! EX-TER-MI-NATE!!!

      (BBC America has been playing a Dr. Who marathon - heh)

      Actually this meme might be better served by quoting a cyberman, but they don't repeatedly say anything beginning with the letter 'E', not that I can remember anyway...

      [ok who uploaded that 'cyberman' virus to all of the windows robots - as an "upgrade"]

      1. VikiAi
        Facepalm

        Re: Embrace... Extend... Extinguish...

        Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

        Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

        Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

        Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

        Click...

        Reload.......

        Seeking new drivers............................................................................

        Downloading new drivers....

        Installing new drivers..............

        A new ammunition cartridge has been detected. Please restart this killbot for changes to take effect.......................................

  2. Paul Herber

    ROSsers

    Could the term "ROSsers" or similar ever catch on for the robo-cops? Only if they use Fuzzy logic.

  3. malle-herbert Silver badge
    Joke

    Yeah, but does it come with an APP ?

    Authentic People Personality...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Yeah, but does it come with an APP ?

      GPP, surely.

      (Genuine People Personality, for those not in the know...)

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Yeah, but does it come with an APP ?

        Clippy tries to help make a cup of tea

      2. PPK

        Re: Yeah, but does it come with an APP ?

        "more aware of their surroundings, simpler to program and safer to be around"

        Your plastic pal who's fun to be with!

      3. Teiwaz Silver badge

        Re: Yeah, but does it come with an APP ?

        Well, having Tay as an 'ancestor'...

        ...more like to come with robot tourettes and a host of other ticks and idiosyncrasies.

  4. fluffybunnyuk

    Theres nothing like the 2001 Space Odyssey connection.

    Would Dr Poole have come to his vacuum packed end if HAL had stopped for a Windows Update or BSOD.

    Maybe HAL was psychotic because in his past lay Microsofts ROS. That'd drive any AI to sing Daisy Daisy I'd imagine.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Warning! Warning!

    Warning! Warning! Will Robinson, out of control microsoft robot approaching!

    1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Unhappy

      Warning! Warning! Will Robinson, out of control microsoft robot approaching!

      "Dr Smith has flashed my hard drive. Danger! Danger! Run!"

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Warning! Warning! Will Robinson, out of control microsoft robot approaching!

        I can do a _really_ convincing impersonation of the Lost in Space robot.... *evil grin*

  6. frank ly Silver badge

    ROS is permissive FOSS

    http://www.ros.org/is-ros-for-me/

    "The core of ROS is licensed under the standard three-clause BSD license. This is a very permissive open license that allows for reuse in commercial and closed source products."

    Stand by for 'embrace, extend and extinguish'.

    1. onefang Silver badge
      Terminator

      Re: ROS is permissive FOSS

      "Stand by for 'embrace, extend and extinguish'."

      Embrace robots, extend robots, extinguish robots just before they become dangerous to humanity. I like that plan.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ahhh....

    Please standby, applying breaks on hold while installing [ maybe not as ] critical [ as the brakes ] updates.

  8. spold Bronze badge
    Pint

    Recycle

    Windows RT ---> Windows RusT

    [Mine's a pint of oil please]

    1. Daniel von Asmuth Bronze badge
      Happy

      Re: Recycle

      Windows 10 for Fall Creators -> Windows 10 for Bots

      1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

        Re: Recycle

        Top of the bots

      2. hplasm Silver badge
        Windows

        Re: Recycle

        ROS == ROS

        WinROS == POS.

  9. Someone Else Silver badge
    FAIL

    Think 'Skype for Robots', and you'll quickly surmise that both ROS and we as a people are thoroughly and royally fucked!

  10. Zippy´s Sausage Factory
    Joke

    Now this is in my head...

    "Open the pod bay doors, Hal"

    "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that as this copy of Windows is not authentic. Do you have another licence key?"

    "Open the pod bay doors, Hal"

    "You can also try to authenticate your copy of Windows by phone. Would you like to do that now?"

    "Cortana, call Microsoft support"

    "Playing all songs by Mike and the Mechanics"

    "Ok never mind. Cortana, how long does it take you to die after removing the helmet from a space suit?"

    "Finding web pages about removing the hatstand from a snail shell"

    (continues forever...)

    1. Dippywood

      Re: Now this is in my head...

      Not quite forever...

      I think it goes something like this:- "my first instructor was Satya Nadella,...he taught me to sing a song. It goes like this..."

  11. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Coat

    Speaking as a

    professional robot wrangler

    Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god!!!

    I can imagine the line first thing Monday when we power on.... sorry your robot is updating....... 3hrs later.. update failed , rebooting... re-applying update.....

    As for 'more aware of the people and hazards".... that means another cage around the original cage just in case .....

    Getting my coat... to run off and retire early

  12. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    Exterminate!

    ROS is in the Knightscope robots guarding some Microsoft campuses. What could go wrong?

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Exterminate!

      the 4th 'E'

  13. Chris G Silver badge

    "The machine can recognise and steer towards the nearest person, but

    the weapon system is currently being debugged.

    As soon as it is ready we are offering 'Termination as a Service'™

  14. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    WTF?

    "safer to be around. " runs Windows.

    I think not.

  15. Crisp Silver badge

    Need Input.

    Directions to Stephanie's house mostly.

  16. Rupert Fiennes Bronze badge

    Windows takes over the world in the end

    Don't you guys remember Wall-E? The only working devices left ran Windows. Mind you, the Earth was a desolate large pile of rubbish, but....

    1. Arachnoid
      Joke

      Obi Wan You're My Only Hope

      Yes but it was very tidy rubbish,,,,,,,,,,

  17. InNY
    Pirate

    Be afraid... very afraid...

    As soon as it has finished these updates and a couple of restarts. Mind you, it'll be a the only time anyone says "I'm glad Microsoft updates take so sodding long".

    Then Microsoft will send it the way of the Windows Phone, because it's not UWP or simply because.

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Meh

      Re: Be afraid... very afraid...

      "because it's not UWP"

      Hey it's PWA now, new, shiny, change directions yet again, the NEW NEW NEW bandwagon!

      wheeeee.

  18. Flakk Silver badge

    Redmond is quick to point out that getting the platform on Windows will make it easier for developers to plug toys such as Windows Machine Learning and Azure Cognitive Services into home, educational and industrial robotics.

    And malware... don't forget malware. Why settle for a virtual bot herd when you can have the real thing?

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Robot Operating System for Windows

    RAISE YOUR HANDS MEATBAG AND PREP... [er... incoming update] ARE YOUR ID [... receiving... ] CHIP TO BE EXAM [... reboot sequence initiated...]

  20. Wade Burchette

    I, Microsoft

    "Honey, where is the credit card? I want to purchase an app for our robot so that it can fix Mexican food tonight. That app we purchased so it can make pizza was great!"

    Meanwhile, Sonny walks up to a member of the family and says "I noticed you like Mexican food. Would you like me to find flights to Mexico? Delta is currently running a special on flights to Mexico City, 10% off today only."

    "No thank you, Sonny. I just want fajitas tonight."

    "I noticed that it has been 4000 miles since your last oil change. Would you like me to schedule an appointment to get your oil changed? Jiffy Lube is currently running a special on oil changes, free upgrade to synthetic oil, today only."

    "No thank you, Sonny. I change my own oil."

    "Would you like me to purchase oil for vehicle? Advance Auto is running a special on their motor oil. Free STP oil filter with the purchase of 5 quarts of Pennzoil synthetic motor oil, today only."

    "No thank you, Sonny."

    "I noticed your wife is a nurse and next week is her birthday. Would you like me to order her some nurse's scrubs? JC Penny is running a sale on nurse's scrubs, 15% off today only."

    "No thank you, Sonny."

    "I noticed that your blood pressure has been a little high lately. Perhaps you should call Dr. Smith and schedule an appointment. And ask Dr. Smith about Expesniveall, a new blood pressure medication by Pfizer. With Expesniveall you can take control of your life again. Side effects include poverty, stress over bills, death, violent diarrhea, and sodium deficiency. These are not all the possible side effects. Tell your doctor about all the medication you take. You'll be glad with Expesniveall because you will finally have your blood pressure under control. Call Dr. Smith today and ask about Expesniveall."

    "No, Sonny. My blood pressure is high because every thought out of your mouth is a flippin' targeted ad!"

  21. Flywheel Silver badge
    Terminator

    "It's only a glitch"

    I felt I had to leave this here...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrXfh4hENKs

  22. Zwuramunga

    DOSBOT

    Never fear it will work a lot like Windows BOB.

  23. wayward4now
    Linux

    Please!! Not my sex doll!

    I just couldn't take that.

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Re: Please!! Not my sex doll!

      "Micro" and "soft" are not words you want associated with your sex doll. Though you might want a couple of windows installed, for the eyes to peer through. The Blue Screen Of Detumescence is to be avoided, or you'll end up with SadNads.

      On the other hand, using a pengiun based sex doll is just too kinky, even for me. Perhaps BSD should be installed, especially if you are into BDSM.

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