back to article UKIP doubled price of condoms for sale at party conference

UKIP screwed its members at the weekend by doubling the price of branded condoms for sale at the party's conference as supplies started to run dry. Sunnylvsfjorden Fjord in Norway with a cruise ship Norwegian tourist board says it can't a-fjord the bad publicity from 'Land of Chlamydia' posters READ MORE The youth wing – …

  1. John Mangan

    WTF!

    No, that's the suggestion.

    1. VinceH Silver badge

      Re: WTF!

      Retain the picture of Farage, and use the caption "This is what happens when you don't use protection!"

      1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

        Re: WTF!

        Just retain the picture. Make it an 8x10 glossy for good measure, securely sealed in a strong envelope. Just break the seal and whip it out at the right moment and your little wrigglers aren't going anywhere today.

  2. Korev Silver badge
    Coat

    UKIP when you're done?

  3. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    Don't forget to put it over your head

  4. Geekpride

    "You don't need this. Go fuck yourself."

  5. Stjohn Roe

    It's too late to pull out now

  6. Scott 53

    UKIP do things differently

    Everywhere else the condom goes on the prick

  7. wurdsmiff

    For the multipack

    Made for a bunch of c**ts

    1. SVV Silver badge

      Re: For the multipack

      And for the extra strength ones : made for a bunch of arseholes

  8. Shaha Alam

    here's me thinking UKIP would be more in favour of the *pull-out* form of contraception.

    haw haw narf narf.

  9. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    I'm surprised there's anybody in that party with depth and warmth. Thought they were all pricks.

  10. Richard Boyce

    Close the border.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "A Burqa for your Boner"

  12. macjules Silver badge

    A small but vital message ...

    "Wear our condoms: because you don't want your children to grow up looking like Nigel Farage"

  13. The Alphabet

    "Here's your 350millimetres a week"

  14. Jemma Silver badge

    Wait a minute..

    Why would ukip-eers be wanting condoms? Don't they need all the vulnerable young minds they can get hold of for indoctrination into the 5th Reich?*

    "Give me a child until he is 7 years old and he will be mine for life". Not, you might be surprised to hear Jimmy Saville - but Machiavelli - and also the Godbotherers Collectives. It's harder to break beliefs, structures & mindsets taught in early life - than it is to break later ones.**

    *The 4th being Dickwitian Inbredistan***.

    ** Which explains redneck fundamentalists - they're a mental age of 7 for life (all the inbreeding & Waltons Mountain University***)

    *** thank you John Cadogan.

    1. macjules Silver badge

      Re: Wait a minute..

      Not sure how much of that you could fit on the back of a condom packet ...

    2. Clunking Fist Bronze badge

      Re: Wait a minute..

      Oh, Jemma, Jemma, Jemma. Of course it is the UKIPers who are indoctrinated, not the liberals who graduated in social sciences...

  15. codejunky Silver badge

    Eh?

    Reading the article it seems someone is either trying to be funny, not realising UKIP is more free market/libertarian or an SJW.

    "UKIP screwed its members at the weekend by doubling the price of branded condoms for sale at the party's conference as supplies started to run dry."

    Responding to market forces (supply and demand) is screwing its members when their product is popular?

    "But as demand outstripped supply, those spotty-faced capitalists exploited their electorate."

    People who understand how the market works and so demonstrate a shocking competence in how the world works considering general reporting of youth wings.

    As for something to print on the next batch- For winners

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Eh?

      "For fucking idiots"

      1. codejunky Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Eh?

        @ Rich 11

        "For fucking idiots"

        Dont be like that. Not all remain voters are idiots

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: Eh?

          You are Kate Hoey AICMFP

        2. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Eh?

          Dont be like that. Not all remain voters are idiots

          Unlike the noticeable majority of Leave voters. After all, who in their right mind leaps out of the frying pan (as Leavers describe the EU) and into the fire? Yes, the fire. You're still waiting for all your wonderful Day One free trade treaties to be signed, as promise by your magnificent-brained leaders. And especially after the German car companies had strong-armed Mrs Merkel into bending over and forcing the German government to submit to your every wish, so that you arise triumphant from the ashes of the failing European Union.

          Bored now.

          1. Clunking Fist Bronze badge

            Re: Eh?

            Rich 11

            Kia Ora from The Fire(TM)! Yes, it's wonderful down here in sunny New Zealand, living life in The Fire. Or, as we prefer to say: an independantly-functioning nation state!

            Kia kite koe i muri mai!

            Clunkers

        3. Libertarian Voice

          Re: Eh?

          Just imagine how stupid the average voter is and realise that 48 percent of them are stupider than that.

    2. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble? Silver badge

      Re: Eh?

      @codejunky

      FYI - You misspelled "Wiener"

    3. codejunky Silver badge
      Go

      Re: Eh?

      UKIP! Not an accident!

    4. BitCoward

      Re: Eh?

      For arseholes, though technically not required as a contraceptive.

    5. Jemma Silver badge

      Re: Eh?

      As for something to print on the next batch - "For Whiners (tm)"

      There, fixed it for you. Aren't I nice..

      1. codejunky Silver badge

        Re: Eh?

        @ Jemma

        "There, fixed it for you. Aren't I nice.."

        Thats a great idea. Marketing to a wider audience by including the remainers!

        And of course market to leave voters- "Be responsible. Brexit"

  16. Clive Galway
    Thumb Up

    Doubly effective contraception!

    If Nigel Farage's face doesn't bring you off the boil, you can always open the packet!

  17. Flugal

    "...packs of johnnies emblazoned with the face of ex-glorious leader Nigel Farage."

    Did we really need further confirmation that Farage is a bell end?

  18. Chronos Silver badge
    Go

    Inflation

    "Look, mummy, Nigel Fromage balloons!"

    "They're bubbles, dear, and they're about to burst."

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Inflation

      Farage is a spunk bubble?

    2. Jemma Silver badge

      Re: Inflation

      And I now have the mental image of an 8 year old girl from Clacton blowing up rubbers like party balloons...

      Thank you so very much for that...

  19. Dippywood

    First we screwed the country, now let's screw each other.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    standard, small, large

    But do they have the BSI Kitemark or the CE symbol on signifying EN ISO 4074 compliance?

    The CE symbol verifies that

    the product meets the essential requirements

    of the medical device directive 93/42/EEC and

    2007/47/EC. Manufacturers are required to follow

    specific conformity assessment procedures

    that include submitting a dossier to a European

    Notified Body. Compliance with EN ISO 4074

    (European designation for the standard) can be

    taken as evidence of compliance with the essential

    requirements of the medical device directive.

    Manufacturing facilities are required to be certified

    to ISO 13485.

    1. katrinab Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: standard, small, large

      This is UKIP we are talking about. Of course they are not going to trouble themselves with EU directives.

      1. NerryTutkins

        Re: standard, small, large

        Yes, Nige tests them all with whichever European lady he's currently cheating on his wife with. No need for 'experts'.

    2. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

      Re: standard, small, large

      @AC I doubt they meet any standards, and thus, like the electorate on Brexit, they'll split.

    3. RGE_Master

      Re: standard, small, large

      In bird culture this is considered a "Dick move"

  21. EddieD

    Not really a problem

    As UKIP are all wankers.

  22. smudge Silver badge

    Giant size...

    ... because you're such a prick.

  23. NerryTutkins

    optimistic

    I thought that being a misfit virgin with unattractive appearance and poor personal hygiene is all part of living the UKIP dream. Condoms? They should be so lucky. They ought to be selling pornography and cheap easily washable socks.

  24. msknight Silver badge

    Ukip Condoms

    Because we believe we could exit without leaving a mess behind, that'll cost us more money in the long run.

  25. RGE_Master

    Putting it bluntly, the majority of the people in those far right wing groups, should use those going forward in order to not taint the human population with their defective DNA in the future.

    I actually typed DNS there but caught myself.

    1. Clunking Fist Bronze badge

      " in those far right wing groups, "

      It's interesting that you think UKIP are far right. You commie traitor...

      ;^)

  26. spold Bronze badge

    No in-de-pants-dance

    Up your exit

  27. James 51 Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    No means no.

  28. msknight Silver badge

    UKIP Condoms

    As stretchy as our promises.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: UKIP Condoms

      Hopefully not as full of holes though.

  29. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Holmes

    Not content with wanting to **** all of us

    They seem to want to do the same to each other.

    And they want us to vote for them?

  30. Roger Greenwood

    UKIP - Come with us

  31. Scott 53

    Caption

    Always well lubricated

  32. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Subsidised by everyone else

    You would have thought that the entire rest of the country would chip in to make these free to all Kippers whether at their conference or elsewhere. Who would want to risk another (accidental) generation being produced.

  33. Scott 53

    XTC got there before all of us

    We're only making plans for Nigel

    We only want what's best for him

    We're only making plans for Nigel

    Nigel just needs this helping hand

  34. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    "Because withdrawal is never the best method"

    1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Or

      "So no-one else has to clean up your mess when you pull out"

  35. John Mangan

    Please! Just make it stop!

    Nothing to do with the article.I just needed to vent.

    Sorry.

  36. Mike Moyle Silver badge

    Brexit Condoms

    "Formerly Known as French Letters"

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "Formerly Known as French Letters"

        "Back in the days when the excuse was "The English have landed".

        Many of the wars between England and France were about various English (French descended) rulers trying to retain or increase their French holdings. IIRC Mary was the one who lost the last possession in France - "When I am dead [...] Calais will be engraved on my heart".

  37. Bitsminer
    Joke

    Not for me

    I wouldn't stand for it.

    1. Dippywood

      Re: Not for me

      Come again?

      1. Crisp Silver badge

        Re: Not for me

        That's a bit of a stretch.

  38. MJI Silver badge

    Need to detoxify Nigel

    And start with the famous dog.

    A much nicer Nigel than the condom one.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't be a Trump - cover your stump.

    Don't be a May - use one each lay.

    Don't be a fool - cover your tool.

    Rather than thank her go be a wanker.

    Make her mind easy - go wrap your squeazy.

    Herpes: the gift you shouldn't keep giving.

    (A picture of a dart board with the condom about to hit the bullseye.)

    Slippery when wet.

    Objects in hand may be bigger than they appear.

    Wrap it in plastic before you get spastick.

    Put it in a sheath lest you bequeath.

    You'll get better rumpy if you cover your stumpy.

    Thank you! I'll be here all week. Try the steak & don't forget to give your waitress a generous tip!

    Ba-dum-tish!

  40. Efer Brick

    Has the party split?

  41. Simon Harris Silver badge

    £2 for a condom...

    So that's the 'price worth paying' for Brexit.

  42. Simon Harris Silver badge
    Coat

    "Supplies started to run dry"

    So not the lubricated version then.

  43. cornetman

    Jesus Christ, so much rage in one page of comments.

    Did someone put something in the water?

    I thought I'd accidentally navigated to Twitter. :O

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Rage?

      Oh no, not rage - mere observations.

      Though I'm not sure why they are selling them as Sir Nige of Thanet just goes on an onan onan onan on,

    2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

      Rage? What I'm seeing is a whole load of mockery, with a smidgeon of satire.

      Does this fill you with rage? Does it make your face all red like a shouty man on BBC QT?

  44. Velv Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Bait and Switch

    Hmmm, the price goes up after you've signed up to being fucked.

    A bit like their Brexit plans then

  45. MonkeyCee Silver badge

    UKIP condoms

    Ideal for fucking the whole country.

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Re: UKIP condoms

      A bit bloody late then . . .

      Now they will put them on their heads to try and protect themselves from the shitstorm that is comeing

  46. Borg.King

    Nigel's Condoms

    'For when you cannot contain your excitement!'

  47. Chris G Silver badge

    Made in the EU

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cherry flavoured

    Cherry* flavoured - lose your cherries, no cherry picking or cherry pickers.

    *

    E129 colouring red - Approved in the EU and US, Undergoing phase out in UK.

    E154 colouring brown - Approved in the EU for dyeing kippers only,

    E909 sweetener -spermaceti wax (synthetic). Industrial lubricant.

    E numbers courtesy of the European Food Safety Authority (EFSA), the agency of the European Union (EU) that provides independent scientific advice and communicates on existing and emerging risks associated with the food chain

  49. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    UKIP doubled price of condoms for sale at party conference

    Otherwise known as trade barriers.

  50. Learn To Embrace Failure

    Trade Barriers

    Protection against a Hard Brexit

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm just surprised that any of these wankers get laid.

  52. Rabbit80

    Keep Farage :- "What a dick!"

  53. JulieM Silver badge

    Nigel Farage Condoms

    If only his dad had used one .....

  54. Celeste Reinard

    Heads up

    One small cock of a man, one giant cock-up for Britain

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'd just go with "Brexit - We're fucked. Why not get a head start?"

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