back to article Space, the final Trump-tier: America to beam up $8bn for Space Force

Mike Pence, the Vice President of the United States, on Thursday formally announced that his administration hopes to bankroll, no, not universal healthcare for all Americans. Not better support for armed forces veterans. Not improved public education. No, here in the Land of the Free, we're getting a space force by 2020. It …

  1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    Interesting

    On one side, Russia has been calling their strategic missile forces "Space Force" for ages. In their case this is supposedly(*) just a name. So this move on the USA side is not entirely unexpected.

    One another... If this announcement is not just marketing (as it is supposedly for now in the Russian case), this effectively takes out USA out of several treaties including the Outer Space treaty and moves the doomsday clock into seconds to midnight space.

    (*)I am saying supposedly, because Russia and prior to that USSR has a long history of getting as far as prototypes for weapons which violate the Outer Space Treaty - Uragan, Polyus, etc

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Interesting

      I'm sure Russia has a Space Spetznaz team all ready to go if they need to rapidly board & take over ISS.

    2. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Re: Interesting

      Developing space weapon system prototypes is a good way of keeping engineers occupied and the 'big rock falling out of sky' scenarios tend not to give long lead times for finding any solution.

      Deploying space weapon systems in contravention of international treaty is when it becomes a problem.

      It's also F**king stupid to put these highly complex (& lethal) things in a LEO filled with junk where you can't put physical hands on at very short notice.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: Interesting

        Developing space weapon system prototypes is a good way of keeping engineers occupied

        All the concept work was done decades ago. By Gerry Anderson.

        1. diver_dave

          Concepts...

          NASA already got there. No need for anything new, just ask J. Michael Straczynski...

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starfury#Real_world_interest

          Now this is what I think the Orange one wants:

          I give you..... SpaceForce 1

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omega-class_destroyer

          Have a good weekend all....

      2. Roo
        Windows

        Re: Interesting

        "It's also F**king stupid to put these highly complex (& lethal) things in a LEO filled with junk where you can't put physical hands on at very short notice."

        Maybe they'll skin Trump and use his hide as shielding, I'm sure there's enough to go round.

      3. BillG Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Star Fleet

        Actually, the problem being addressed here is that the USA already has a "space force" of sorts. The problem is that it is distributed over several armed services and government agencies with no central coordination. Anyone who's worked for a large company with different divisions doing the same thing knows how horribly inefficient and toxic that is.

        All this Space Force does is provide one organization providing this central task. It's gonna create tech jobs and you gotta like that.

        Russia and China already have (or are working on) systems that can destroy U.S. and U.K. satellites, including explosive-laden satellites already in orbit shadowing their satellite targets. With a single command they move towards their target much like a magnetic mine, and BOOM - no more HBO!

        1. bombastic bob Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: Star Fleet

          "Actually, the problem being addressed here is that the USA already has a "space force" of sorts. The problem is that it is distributed over several armed services and government agencies with no central coordination."

          Kinda what I was thinking too.

          Back in the 80's I was indirectly involved with GPS development. The sub I was on had GPS gear literally "tie wrapped" on top of certain cabinets, wired into the ship's antennas and communications systems, etc.. GPS/Navstar was a Navy project as I understand it, but the Air Force was probably in on it as well.

          In any case, having a single military service that's directly responsible for space-based "things" associated with the military is probably a good idea. The Army Air Corps became the Air Force in the 1950's as I recall. So now it's just another branch of the military service that specializes in space-based things.

          Perhaps we'll see some actual space ships that can take off, orbit, land, refuel, and do it again, and again, on regular missions, like airplanes. With people flying them.

        2. Sanguma

          Re: Star Fleet

          Russia and China already have (or are working on) systems that can destroy U.S. and U.K. satellites, including explosive-laden satellites already in orbit shadowing their satellite targets.

          Any quotes, pointers, whatnots? I keep hearing Iraqi WMDs when reading that.

          And my, people do have such short memories. Dubbya Bush's administration declared space a US possession in 2004-05 IIRC. I expect that since the US was relying in large part on the Russians to provision the ISS, the Russians happened to disagree, and likewise the Chinese failed to agree.

      4. Voland's right hand Silver badge

        Re: Interesting

        Deploying space weapon systems in contravention of international treaty is when it becomes a problem.

        FYI: Polyus was deployed. Just not successfully (someone forgot to account for it being hoisted on top of Energia bottom up). So it is indeed a very fine line which has been crossed a few times in the past.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Interesting

      On one side, Russia has been calling their strategic missile forces "Space Force" for ages. In their case this is supposedly(*) just a name. So this move on the USA side is not entirely unexpected.

      Are we seeing the Russian's using Reagan's Star Wars strategy against the US?

      Looks that way, although it depends on how much the US will throw at it. $8bn isn't even a rounding error on F35 cost overruns, and won't buy anything other than a logo, a few buildings and bases, an entire military command structure, and lots of gold braid, For the strategy to succeed, Russia will need to create a convincing impression that they have, or are developing a space-capable fighter able to menace satellites and the X37. Then watch as the US throw a trillion dollars into creating a real life X Wing, and an orbital base for them.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Interesting

        "$8bn isn't even a rounding error on F35 cost overruns, and won't buy anything other than a logo, a few buildings and bases, an entire military command structure, and lots of gold braid,"

        I was thinking along similar lines, $8B is barely enough to get the working party set up to design the new uniforms and it's probably not enough to even start planning the 6th side of the Pentagon they'll be wanting to exclusively occupy. Then there'll be another marketing budget to rebrand the Pentagon as the Hexagon.

  2. FozzyBear Silver badge
    Alien

    Great, Thanks El! Reg

    I now a images of a orange coloured Marvin and the Martian, sticking a flag into mars saying

    I'm here to make Mars great again

    I wonder if they will take inspiration from storm troopers for uniform ideas.

    1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      I'll go with the subhead

      The way things are going in the US of A they will be taking inspiration from Starship Troopers* for uniform ideas.

      *The movie of course.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Re: I'll go with the subhead

        I prefer the 1978 "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" 1978 Sarah Brightman record featuring Hot Gossip.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I'll go with the subhead

          I prefer the 1978 "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" 1978 Sarah Brightman record featuring Hot Gossip.

          I must confess I upvoted your post, but you do know there's a "post anonymously" check box?

          My excuse is that I was a fifteen your old lad in 1978, and Ms Brightman doing that chicken dance thing in a catsuit, backed by Hot Gossip....well, I thought that was a most marvellous sight.

          1. Teiwaz Silver badge

            Re: I'll go with the subhead

            I prefer the 1978 "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" 1978 Sarah Brightman record featuring Hot Gossip.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnhqaPTruOM

            I think it's been remixed, but still funky disco cool

            Next up, Nightflight to Venus by Boney M

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Great, Thanks El! Reg

      Surely the Space Force is nothing to do with either Star Wars or Starship Troopers.

      We're talking Jet Morgan here.

      Jet: "Lemme, switch on the Tele-Viewer."

      Lemme: "Contact!"

      Doc: "G'day mate it's bonza to be on the bloomin' Moon."

      etc.

  3. apveening

    While I like the references to Starship Troopers (R.A. Heinlein), I think references to Space Cadet (also R.A. Heinlein) would be more appropriate in this case.

    1. big_D Silver badge

      The sub-head was the best bit of the article, well the most believable at any rate.

    2. hammarbtyp Silver badge

      While I like the references to Starship Troopers (R.A. Heinlein), I think references to Space Cadet (also R.A. Heinlein) would be more appropriate in this case.

      Muppets in Space is probably closer

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        PIIGS IIIN SPAAAAAAAAACE!!!!!!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Nah..

          POOOOOOORRRKKKK IIINN SPAAAAAACEEEEE!!!!

      2. LeahroyNake Bronze badge

        Spaceballs !

        1. Sanguma

          Spaceballs ? Nah!

          Chuck Chunder of the Space Patrol, that's who.

          1. veti Silver badge

            Re: Spaceballs ? Nah!

            You're all way too optimistic. The name we should be thinking of is Zapp Brannigan.

            "My strategy is so simple, an idiot could have devised it."

      3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Alien

        My name is John Crichton An astronaut

        Help me

        Listen please

        Is there anybody out there who can hear me?

        I'm being hunted by an insane military commander

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      I was sort of hoping for "Space Marines"... tribute to the science fiction/science pulp writers of decades past.

    4. John Savard Silver badge

      Since the references to Starship Troopers are to the movie, not so much the original novel, I think they're appropriate. The movie presented the milieu as explicitly fascist; the novel, on the other hand, assumed democratic safeguards of a sort rather than a tyranny, but was genuinely presenting the idea that a kind of fascism might be a legitimate way for a nation to survive under suitably difficult circumstances.

  4. Winkypop Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Spaaaaaace Foooooorce!

    Just think Muppets!

    The analogy is pretty decent:

    - Hollow

    - Brainless

    - Someone has a hand up their back

    1. EastFinchleyite

      Re: Spaaaaaace Foooooorce!

      The US tried this in 1978 without too much success

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vroANVFNcFY

      At least in 1978 they had something the current administration lacks; the ability to put a person into space. Now they have to use Uber.

      Of course it is all Obama's fault.

      1. VinceH Silver badge

        Re: Spaaaaaace Foooooorce!

        That "comedy" was awful. I'm surprised it didn't run for at least ten years.

      2. EastFinchleyite

        Re: Spaaaaaace Foooooorce!

        BLUNDER! I am going to correct myself before someone else does . In 1978 the USA didn't have the facilities to put a person in space.

        The last Saturn V launch was in July 1975; the joint Apollo - Soyuz test project. The next US manned launch was the first shuttle mission in 1981.

        I still think Space Force was better TV than the real thing.

      3. JSIM

        Re: Spaaaaaace Foooooorce!

        Thanks! Never heard of SF before. Had to watch it through, it was so bad it was good.

        Interesting: The bridge AI computer (D.O.R.C.) speaking with a German accent just like the Robin Williams voiced Dr. Know in Spielberg's AI. Coincidence?

        1. Casca

          Re: Spaaaaaace Foooooorce!

          Nein!

          My personal favorite is in Get smart when all the over the speaker voices in NASA is in german. :)

  5. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Come over to the Dark Side....

    BUT... Where will the money for all this come from?

    Oh right, Joe and Jane Doe.

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Don't worry, Joe and Jane, you'll still get all the healthcare your government thinks you're worth.

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        Meanwhile, Defense contractors have broke out the champaign at the thought of all the new barrels they will be putting their snouts into.

        Can we have Pile Of Gold icon ?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Defense contractors have broke out the....

          I think it's pronounced champaggin (since we're talking about space).

          1. Teiwaz Silver badge

            Re: Defense contractors have broke out the....

            I think it's pronounced champaggin

            Shameful to think this Futurama Branigan reference actually went over everyones heads.

            Ha'h an upvote

    2. Come to the Dark Side

      "Come over to the Dark Side....

      BUT... Where will the money for all this come from?

      Oh right, Joe and Jane Doe."

      I await my share of the contract with baited breath...

  6. Spherical Cow

    Inner Space?

    Outer Space starts at 100km up, which isn't even past the atmosphere... so where/what is Inner Space?

    1. big_D Silver badge

      Re: Inner Space?

      A crap movie with Dennis Quaid from 1987.

      1. 21st Century Peon

        Re: Inner Space?

        It was a *great* movie. It's got Quaid buck-naked in the street, some none-more-Eighties nightclub stuff from Meg Ryan, a perfectly cast Martin Short turned up to 11, The Cowboy, and a Sam Cooke-heavy soundtrack. Not to mention beating "Predator" to the Best Visual Effects Oscar (though reasonable minds may differ on that call, it definitely deserved the nomination).

        Dear God, what more do people /want/?

        1. big_D Silver badge

          Re: Inner Space?

          You put your finger on it, Martin Short was the problem. ;-)

        2. Claverhouse Bronze badge

          Re: Inner Space?

          @21st Century Peon

          It was a *great* movie. It's got Quaid buck-naked in the street, some none-more-Eighties nightclub stuff from Meg Ryan, a perfectly cast Martin Short turned up to 11, The Cowboy, and a Sam Cooke-heavy soundtrack. Not to mention beating "Predator" to the Best Visual Effects Oscar (though reasonable minds may differ on that call, it definitely deserved the nomination).

          Dear God, what more do people /want/?

          Meg Ryan buck-naked in the street.

    2. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: Inner Space?

      In answer to your question; inner space is a large pocket of mostly vacuum, the tiny amount of material to be found is tissue based, these pockets are frequently bounded by cranial bone most often belonging to members of the upper reaches of politics.

      N.B. One of the largest know pockets of inner space has the phenomenon of floating within a har like orange coloured outer layer.

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Inner Space?

      "Outer Space starts at 100km up, which isn't even past the atmosphere... so where/what is Inner Space?"

      Somewhere in the vicinity of 'Uranus'

  7. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Which is worse ...

    ... dumping $8x10⁹ down the toilet or the proposed logos?

    1. Wellyboot Silver badge

      Re: Which is worse ...

      >>Logo<<

      I'll go for the middle row, right-hand side logo - very Wallace & Gromit looking rocket.

      Go Spaaaace Fooooorce! (extra vowels mandatory)

      1. Mongrel

        Re: Which is worse ...

        Although the bottom right one reminds me of No Mans Sky, whose launch was a massive wave of failure due to over-hyping and broken promises....

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: Which is worse ...

          Although the bottom right one reminds me of No Mans Sky, whose launch was a massive wave of failure due to over-hyping and broken promises....

          To be fair to Hello Games, it has now delivered an arguably reasonable game a few years later, after several updates. This is far more than Trump will ever deliver.

    2. DougS Silver badge

      Re: Which is worse ...

      It is almost like Trump is trolling us. The "Space Force" name is stupid enough, but you gotta be kidding me with those logos.

      One can only hope he's impeached before Space Force is actually formalized, because once it is there's no hope of ever getting rid of it even though no one other than Trump really wants it. We ought to be reducing the branches, not adding to them. There's no reason for the Air Force to exist, when all the other branches already have their own air wings. The Coast Guard shouldn't be a service branch, they should be lumped in with Customs, INS, etc. under "Homeland Security" (another terrible name that we're unfortunately stuck with) and the Marines arguably are simply a cross between the Army and Navy...

      1. imanidiot Silver badge

        Re: Which is worse ...

        Your arguments on reducing the service branches seems to display quite a bit of ignorance over the raison d'etre of certain branches. Other forces having their own air wing isn't a good reason NOT to have an air force. There's plenty of air operations that have no connector to either ground or naval operations, thus having a separate air force makes sense. The ground forces having an air wing that is directly and closely tied to their ground operations (like helicopters for inserting and removing troops, provide close air support, etc) also makes sense and doesn't have to detract from the air forces as long as the tasks of each is taken into account. Same for the naval forces and their air operations. Naval air forces are closely tied to their own operations.

        The marines are a different matter. Theoretically they are just another branch of the ground forces, but the formation history of marine corps across the world shows their operational premise (amphibious assault) is a universal one that many armed forces around the world have in use. The US marine corp is a bit bloated beyond this premise, but that is not an argument to abolish it completely.

        Coast guard IS an armed force and was traditionally operated as a "navy in littoral waters", having different focus and operation from the normal naval forces because of this. While it's modern role might be a bit more "Homeland Security" it really doesn't quite fit in that group.

        Don't get me wrong, I'd easily agree the US armed forces are a bloated mess with a lack of focus, but this seems more about Generals and Admirals having to be good politicians instead of good officers to keep their job.

        1. IsJustabloke

          Re: Which is worse ...

          @imanidiot

          I agree, I would add that the US marines in particular are a traditional "expeditionary force" rather than say, the UK marines who are more commando / special forces.

          Traditionally, marines were stationed aboard ships to protect against boarders and then more recently to "project force" as part of an amphibious assault

          A US marine and a Royal Marine are very different beasts.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Which is worse ...

            A US marine and a Royal Marine are very different beasts.

            In more than the sense you mean. The Royal Marine Commandos are an endangered species, whereas the USMC are not.

            If the dull, lifeless civil service bastards of HMT and MoD get their way, they'll shut down the Corps of Royal Marines, saving themselves a bob or two in operating costs to waste on shit (like F35 cost over-runs), they can then prise the Royal Navy's fingers off of HMS Bulwark and Albion that HMT have longed to sell or scrap for a decade or more, they can sell off Lympstone to their property developing mates along with less salubrious barracks, and they can contract out the defence of the Clyde submarine base and Coulport nuclear weapons store to Crapita or Serco.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "There's no reason for the Air Force to exist"

        It didn't exist until 1946 - before you had the Army Air Force and the Navy Air Service or whatever it was.

        The advent of strategic bombers and nuclear weapons suggested it should have been a separate force. Then it became one with the great number of strategic mistakes, like the hyper-specialized 10x planes, removing guns from fighters, trying to force the Navy to adopt the F-111, and later destroying its long range fighter and attack capabilities to become the "only one", the F-35 which again repeats the mistake of a single plane for different roles...

        Yes, shutting down the USAF will greatly increase US air power.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "There's no reason for the Air Force to exist"

          Speaking of which, "...the proposed organization would be the sixth branch of the armed forces, sitting alongside the Army, Navy, Air Force, and so on."

          So: Army (1), Navy (2), Air Force (3), Marines? (4), ??? (5) and Space Force (6).

          What's (5)? The Denver Broncos?

          1. Mark 85 Silver badge

            Re: "There's no reason for the Air Force to exist"

            {5) US Coast Guard

            https://www.military.com/join-armed-forces/us-military-overview.html

            1. stephanh Silver badge

              Re: "There's no reason for the Air Force to exist"

              I think they still need something UNDERGROUND, the "Mole Force" perhaps?

      3. tfb Silver badge

        Re: Which is worse ...

        [...] no one other than Trump really wants it [...]

        Does he want it, or does he just want another mechanism to funnel money to his ownersfriends?

    3. joejack

      Re: Which is worse ...

      I'm more interested in the inevitable fake logos. Something with Zap Brannigan seems about right.

      https://metrouk2.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/trump-zapp.jpg?quality=80&strip=all&zoom=1&resize=644%2C429

      1. Sanguma

        Re: Which is worse ... Zap Brannigan or ...

        OMG! It's as if they're clones!!! Or twits - no, I mean, twins!!!

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Which is worse ...

      Which is worse ...... dumping $8x10⁹ down the toilet or the proposed logos?

      I couldn't say, but either are much better value than the probable £100bn outturn cost of HS2. Or the unknown cost of Wankley Point C. Or £20bn+ on "smart meters". Or the £12bn already frittered on solar PV panels in the UK. Or the circa £3bn a year every year spent by the Highways Agency to make things worse.

      1. Adelio

        Re: Which is worse ...

        Really, as far as the home consumer is concerned I cannot see ANY cost benefit to smart meters.

        The benefits that there are are for the companies because they do not have to pay for the meters to get read and they can get a more detailed breakdown of consumption.

        The only possible benefic for people at home is that they do not have the hassle of a meter reader.

        I think i only looked at my "smart meter" display a couple of times when it was installed. Never looked at it since then.

        My fridge, washing machine, boiler will use exactly the same amout of power wither i have a smar meter or not!

        I have NO idea how the Goverment works out that people will use LESS power when they have a smark meter installed?

  8. frank ly Silver badge

    The Expanse

    They watched it and thought it was a drama-documentary.

    1. VikiAi Silver badge
      Go

      Re: The Expanse

      Trump is just waiting for the 'Elon' drive to be invented.

  9. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    "and lead to outcomes never before thought possible,"

    Or rather wished not to happen.

  10. big_D Silver badge

    Excellent sub-head!

    Join the Mobile Infantry and save the Galaxy. Service guarantees citizenship. Would you like to know more?

    Yes please! Will I be serving under Rasczak?

    1. diver_dave
      Joke

      Re: Excellent sub-head!

      "Never underestimate the power of human stupidity".

      Notebooks of Lazarus Long. R.A.H.

      Never a truer word, never a truer word.....

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Excellent sub-head!

        If we're going for RAH quotes, lets not forget one that may well be apposite to Trump, "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity".

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Excellent sub-head!

          No, I think Trump has displayed both malice and stupidity to significant degrees.

    2. Kane Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Excellent sub-head!

      "Yes please! Will I be serving under Rasczak?"

      MEDIC!

    3. AceRimmer1980
      Thumb Up

      Re: Excellent sub-head!

      Co-ed showers! I'm doing my part.

      Rather a little *too* vigorously..

  11. Chris G Silver badge

    AI in spaaaace

    What could possibly go wrong?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: AI in spaaaace

      We're fucked!

      1. Pedigree-Pete
        Mushroom

        Re: AI in spaaaace

        "I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that" ring any AI bells???PP

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

          Re: AI in spaaaace

          Or a "Bomb 20" scenario...

    2. VikiAi Silver badge
      Go

      Re: AI in spaaaace

      Best case scenario:

      AI: Screw you guys, I'm going to Proxima.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    To Insanity and Beyond !

    One is reminded of the 1980's Film "Top Gun" with a Midget in the Lead Role and reviewed as "They may as well have used Flying Penises'.

  13. Allonymous Coward
    Alien

    I don't understand why they need it

    The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I don't understand why they need it

      Everyone's saying that.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I don't understand why they need it

        but still, they come.

        1. Tom Chiverton 1

          Re: I don't understand why they need it

          This weekend is the 12th as well...

    2. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: why they need it

      This is not about Mars Attacks! The US has plenty of military assets is space already for reconnaissance, communications and GPS. The plan is to separate these functions from existing armed services and create an extra chain of command, payroll and admin that spends an additional $8 billion on bureaucracy. The bonus feature is to let certain voters think they are getting a copy of / replacement for NASA that is not infested with libtards.

    3. Persona

      Re: I don't understand why they need it

      Access to space is cheaper than it has ever been and about to get cheaper. Possibly much much cheaper, so for the first time it becomes financially possible. From a military perspective high ground gives you a tactical advantage. Space gives you a strategic one.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I don't understand why they need it

        From a military perspective high ground gives you a tactical advantage. Space gives you a strategic one.

        A lovely little quote, but sadly a wrong one.

        Having the highest level of control of LEO of any worldly power and absolute military control of the atmosphere in those regions doesn't seem to have helped that much in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Libya and Iran, does it? All those high tech comms, weapons, surveillance, a bottomless pit of money, and approaching two decades after they intervened in Afghanistan, the US are still failing to control a bunch of primitives who crap behind bushes and wear towels on their heads.

        Even in Syria the "defeat" of IS announced back in March will seem to be "fake news" to the communities still being slaughtered in their hundreds.

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: I don't understand why they need it

          a bunch of primitives who crap behind bushes and wear towels on their heads.

          Oi, do you mind! I have some very good friends in Kentucky.

          1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
            Thumb Up

            Oi, do you mind! I have some very good friends in Kentucky.

            Quality line.

          2. Jaybus

            Re: I don't understand why they need it

            Can't control them either, can they?

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I don't understand why they need it

          "Having the highest level of control of LEO of any worldly power and absolute military control of the atmosphere in those regions doesn't seem to have helped that much in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Libya and Iran, does it?"

          In 2016 45,000 Isis fighters and 3 US soldiers were killed in the conflict. Personally I see a 15,000 to 1 kill ratio as evidence of a strategic military advantage.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: I don't understand why they need it

            In 2016 45,000 Isis fighters and 3 US soldiers were killed in the conflict.

            The US did very well to kill 45,000 IS fighters in 2016, given that the CIA estimated in early 2015 that IS could field 30,000 fighters. The most authoritative data source, the Syrian Observatory for Human Rights, estimates for 2016 were that "only" 21,500 anti-government combatants were killed, including Kurdish and non-IS militias. SOHR estimate that the number of IS fighters killed by the US was around 8,000 across the entire five years of the conflict.

            Personally I see a 15,000 to 1 kill ratio as evidence of a strategic military advantage.

            Do you now? Not only are your numbers crap, but you need to stop focusing on a Black Hawk Down style bodycount, and consider the military outcome. The US has reinforced the position of its enemy Assad, it has further stirred up Islamic discontent (as if it hadn't done enough of that elsewhere), it has failed to change the extremist narrative, it has failed to capture and contain the escaping fighters, and (as in all of its other colonial wars) it has failed to bring about a peaceful and lasting resolution. It has strengthened the regional hand of Iran, and reinforced Islamic sectarian divisions. And I might add that much of the weaponry and training of IS was actually provided by the US who were trying to support opponents of Assad. US costs so far in Syria are around $20 billion, judging by reports to Congress. So each IS fighter killed cost the US taxpayer $2.5m. You still call any of that a strategic advantage?

            So I think my point stands - with command of the air (or LEO) you can rain death on poorly armed peoples with impunity. But it doesn't represent any advantage if it doesn't solve the conflict. And it is actually a strategic disadvantage if the actions simply spreads the conflict. Look at the facts: Since at least 2001 the US has been playing whack-a-mole, with a total bill credibly estimated at over $5.5 trillion. Every time it lands what it claims is a winning blow and announces the defeat of the enemy, job done, the mole pops up somewhere else. Tell me again, who's winning?

        3. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: I don't understand why they need it

          Seems that the current military/civilian leadership ( such that it is ) lost sight of the basics in Vietham and haven't regained it. The basic rule is: "take the ground and hold it". If you don't do that, you'll never win a war but just spend money and lives and go home broke and in defeat.

      2. Sanguma

        Re: I don't understand why they need it

        From a military perspective high ground gives you a tactical advantage. Space gives you a strategic one.

        For what purpose? You can't hold territory with aircraft - they're basically over-the-horizon artillery. So how do you hold it with spacecraft?

        Bombing gets more problematic the higher you get, and the chances of making a precise hit gets worse - there is a reason why nukes and ICBMs evolved together. Nukes don't need to be precise at all.

        Reconnaissance, control and command appear to be the only uses for satellites in Earth Orbit. And they're protected by simple physical realities - trash a satellite in Earth Orbit, and the pieces stay up there for a long time. Trash enough satellites in Earth Orbit and you effectively close off that orbit or sets of orbits to any future satellite usage for the foreseeable future.

        These are simple physical realities. I know why President Chump doesn't understand that - he doesn't understand much of anything.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I don't understand why they need it

          "Nukes don't need to be precise at all."

          Nowadays a nuke is accurate to 20 meters. Technology exists to make it much more accurate but you don't need to with a nuke.

          Kinetic kill projectiles from space will come in at about 5000mph with a flight time of a few minutes. With visual target tracking they aren't often going to miss. The concept has existed since the 1950's, but the guidance technology wasn't up to it back then and the launch costs were prohibitive. Now we have small cheap visual recognition technology and space launch costs an orders of magnitude lower.

          You can't hold the ground but you can deny access to anyone else.

          1. Sanguma

            Re: I don't understand why they need it

            Kinetic kill projectiles from space will come in at about 5000mph with a flight time of a few minutes. With visual target tracking they aren't often going to miss. The concept has existed since the 1950's, but the guidance technology wasn't up to it back then and the launch costs were prohibitive. Now we have small cheap visual recognition technology and space launch costs an orders of magnitude lower.

            Yes, true, and so do the chances that LOLCAT is in your computer ... changing your target. So your doofuses(?)(doofi?) on the ground call up a Low Earth Orbit strike on some insurgency bases in Afghanistan, f'rxample. And said insurgency base intercepts call and reprograms the target. By bye doofuses! So long, s'been good to know you NOT!

            Not to forget, the satellite moves at so many ks per minute in Low Earth Orbit, and has practically zero loiter capacity over any given target, and once it's on its way, can't be recalled, and the joys of friendly fire become overwhelming.

            There are other reasons why orbit-based kinetic weapons have never been deployed, to the best of my knowledge. They're about as useful as tits on a bull (has anyone ever/yet shared the joke about the word Tora as in the film Tora! Tora! Tora!? Apparently the Japanese High Command had heard the Pentagon was experimenting in Hawaií with genetically modified animals, most notably the She-Bull, since it was only a US Territory at the time, not a State with representation in the US Congress. So they sent out three waves of reconnaissance aircraft to check it out, and told them to pretend to be Mexicans, and speak Spanish, so as to confuse Pearl Harbour. It worked, up to the point they actually spotted the She-Bull, which had escaped its pen, and one most excitable pilot shouted Tora! (She-Bull!) which everybody took as the Japanese word for Attack! instead of the Pidgin Spanish for She-Bull! (You have to watch out for these genetic scientists - they're a menace!))

    4. joejack

      Re: I don't understand why they need it

      For the same reason we 'need' a wall, even though the rate of illegal immigration has been on the decline for years. It distracts and emboldens the idiots who can't see past shiny logos and empty promises.

    5. Aqua Marina

      Re: I don't understand why they need it

      “Million to one”.

      Yes but as any fule know, million to one chances happen 9 times out of 10!

  14. AceRimmer1980
    Alien

    Re: One little sticking point

    I will make it..legal..

    1. Laura Kerr
      Mushroom

      Re: One little sticking point

      @realLordDampnut

      The Outer Space Treaty is a bad deal, a terrible deal, the worst ever deal, and unfairly discriminates against America. I will rip it up. Lunacy Reason will prevail! #covfefe

      1. Sanguma

        #covfefe

        Apparently covfefe refers to a special White House version of civet coffee - Melania Trump locks The Donald in a cage and feeds him green coffee berries, and takes his excrement and roasts and grinds it and lo and behold, you have covfefe, with the 'v' referring to the fact it's civet-style coffee.

        At least he's useful for something!

  15. Maelstorm Bronze badge
    Trollface

    With this news, we will soon see Winnebagos flying around in space.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9QhUoOwHN8

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Launch Trump

    The first thing they should do is launch Trump and Pence into space with no return ticket.

    1. Tom Servo

      Re: Launch Trump

      I'll send them cheesy movies, the worst I can find.

      (la la la)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Launch Trump

        I was wondering how they would persuade them to board the spaceship.

        Of course, for Pence, all they need to do is put a "Do not enter" sign on the capsule door.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The first thing they should do is launch Trump and Pence

      "B Ark", anyone?

    3. Sanguma

      Re: Launch Trump

      Gotta make it coal-fired, of course ...

  17. FrankAlphaXII

    Like hell

    The JCS has been dead set against a sixth branch for a very long time. They wouldn't allow NSA to do it in the 1950's, they wouldn't allow JSOC or SOCOM to do the same in the 80's, and they're not going to allow it now. In fact the only reason the Air Force got split from the Army was because Spaatz and Arnold had a lot of pull with Truman and the congress and it was proven during WWII that the Army Air Forces could handle themselves.

    I can't picture the Air Force, Army and Navy being too thrilled about having their budgets cut for a branch that isn't needed being proposed by a fucking traitor doing Russia's bidding, and losing control of their space and missile programs in the process. The Navy certainly won't go for it and neither will the Air Force. There's only one reason that Putin wants this, and is having his useful idiot push it, because it will dilute the effectiveness of the Armed Forces. What they should do is reactivate US Space Command, that would make sense. But creating an entirely new Service Branch is typical Trumpian idiocy.

    There's precious little danger of this ever happening though, as the JCS and individual services will "study" the proposal and hamstring it as far as they possibly can, and they certainly can for two years until the moron's out of office.

    1. DougS Silver badge

      "Budgets cut" ???

      You obviously aren't familiar with how the DoD budgeting process goes. They will get $8 billion extra. In fact, they'll probably get $18 billion extra, with the excess $10 billion distributed to the other branches to soothe any hurt feelings.

      Then they'll ask for $50 billion to build the Hexagon, because clearly six branches don't fit in the Pentagon... BTW, I got that price by taking the $5 billion Apple's spaceship reportedly cost, and then multiplying by 10 as per standard defense contracting procedure.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Like hell

      the JCS and individual services will "study" the proposal and hamstring it as far as they possibly can, and they certainly can for two years until the moron's out of office.

      Your making a big assumption there, that the JCS only need to hold out for a couple of years. The received wisdom all along was that Trump wouldn't win, but he did. Now the assumption is that he'll not get re-elected. All I can say is don't bet to much money on the outcome.

      And that's because in two years time you've got the same problem we have in the UK (albeit of differing nuances), and that is the absence of any electable, competent alternative, despite suffering an unpopular government of staggering ineptitude, whose senior leadership are some of the most dislikeable, unconvincing bunglers ever to have held government office.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Like hell

        "The received wisdom all along was that Trump wouldn't win, but he did. Now the assumption is that he'll not get re-elected."

        Who knows. Statistically the only presidents since WW2 who served a full term and during their time in office never had a lower net approval rating lower than Trump currently has were Eisenhower, and surprisingly Clinton. [Note - Kennedy and Ford never had as low a net approval as Trump has now but neither served a full term in office.]

  18. John70
    Alien

    A couple of things

    1. Wonder if they will evetnually bring Solar Warden under Space Force and eventually rename themselves as Starfleet.

    2. Is this a way of slowly bringing in alien technology into the mainstream like technology to reduce drag on commercial aircraft to anti-gravity and flying saucers?

    3. Will Trump tell the world E.T. aliens exist and not just his in-laws who are now US citizens.

  19. Mephistro Silver badge
    Facepalm

    “artificial-intelligence-enabled global surveillance” for missile targeting and tracking

    Someone should inform these muppets of that "minor incident"* where errors/design blunders in automated systems almost caused a nuclear war, where it not for the intervention of humans. AIs are just a kind of automated systems we can't fully understand or debug. What could possibly go wrong?

    *note: Actually, one of many such incidents.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well I certainly wouldn't want to be the leader of the space force when the aliens arrive. First to get probed.

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      First to get probed.

      We could save them the trouble and just tell them that of course he's full of shit.

  21. Jemma Silver badge

    I said it before, and hoped I'd never have to say it again..

    Does it not worry other people that if aliens do choose to visit this backend of the galaxy - that they are even more likely to meet Donnie Dickwit as the representative of the entire earth?

    What are they going to use? Reconditioned space shuttles with go faster stripes and nuclear tipped sidewinders?

    Heaven forfend one of the alien commanders decides to defect.. You can just imagine *that* conversation.

    Captain: "Hjilub isn't the worry, neither is the entire navy. I know their tactics, I have the advantage. No, the problem is the Americans - we meet the right sort, this will work. We get some buckaroo...

    XO: "So basically sir, we're fscked..."

    Captain: "We're fscked"

    Honestly - could the Dickwit Whitehouse get any stupider? I'm expecting the "rubber rings and armbands initiative" for sea mammals any minute now (they might get tired and they can't breathe under water..)

    And honourable mention to Inner Space and another classic..

    Trump: "The Donnie Dickwit machine, zero defects..."

    Everyone else: "Oh shit, there goes the planet..."

  22. Spanners Silver badge
    Alien

    The US has a superfluous force anyway

    How on earth does the USA still manage to have their marines itemised as a separate branch of their armed forces?

    What colour/style of uniforms for a Space Force? There seemed to be some ideas in the Film Starship Troopers. Some of those would be suitable for Trump although I am not sure I like the idea of the US military with powered exoskeletons!

    1. imanidiot Silver badge

      Re: The US has a superfluous force anyway

      Same as many other countries who have a separate marine/naval infantry branch

      1. Spanners Silver badge
        Pirate

        Re: The US has a superfluous force anyway

        Same as many other countries who have a separate marine/naval infantry branch

        As far as I know, the Royal Marines were regulated by the Admiralty even though they follow the army rank system. I understand the French do something similar

        The US Marines seem to be a complete, standalone, system. Most armed forces have some aspects of other branches. The Royal Air Force has the RAF Regiment amd I knew someone who worked on their fast boats. I spent some time with inantry assault boats and vehicle ferries (think pontoon bridges with 4 outboard motors). None of those are separate parts of the armed forces. Why are US naval ground forces not US navy?

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: The US has a superfluous force anyway

          Bureaucratic inertia and sheer size I think. Most countries that have Marines tend not to have very many of them. From memory the UK only has 3 active battalions, and a much larger army. But if you look at US history - they've gone through large chunks of it with a tiny standing army which often wasn't that much bigger than the Marines. Also the Marines were getting regular combat and the army wasn't. Don't the US Marines still have something like 3 divisions? There's an awful lot of the buggers...

          Even when you get to post WWII history (when the US army got big and stayed big), there weren't that many of them in the US. They were mostly deployed to Germany and Korea. Apart from light/airborne units, most formations back in the US were mostly incomplete and needed to be reinforced by the National Guard to be deployable. Those were the guys to go to Europe if WWIII kicked off, but the regulars based in Germany (along with the Germans, UK and maybe French) would have to hold the Soviets up long enough for them to actually get there.

          So it's mostly been true up to the end of the Cold War, that if the US wanted to deploy a division of troops right now, it had to be the Marines.

          They're called a separate service, but do come under The Office of the Navy in the Department of Defense. But historically they've been as important as the army for a lot of the time. In the Pacific in WWII they even split it into two theatres, with MacArthur and the Army running the battle in the South from Australia - and the Navy and Marines doing the rest.

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: The US has a superfluous force anyway

          "Why are US naval ground forces not US navy?"

          In terms of the TV series NCIS, marines and sailors both come under their jurisdiction.

          (Sorry, that pretty much exhausts my knowledge of the US military)

        3. Jaybus

          Re: The US has a superfluous force anyway

          "Why are US naval ground forces not US navy?"

          They are. You just aren't considering enough layers of bureaucracy. The US Marines have been a component of the US Department of the Navy since the 18th century and still are. Yet, they are a separate branch of the Department of Defense.

    2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Re: I am not sure I like the idea of the US military with powered exoskeletons!

      They're already working on that, so prepare to be dismayed.

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: The US has a superfluous force anyway

      The US have a Marine Corps because the Army and Navy can't seem to cooperate. And the Marines have their own air power because the US Airforce can't even cooperate with the Army, let alone the Marines.

      But then that's OK, because in the US the Marines and the Navy don't cooperate either...

  23. Tigra 07 Silver badge
    Alien

    This actually seems like a common sense idea. Especially since China and the Russians already have space forces of their own (even if just in name).

    1. Tigra 07 Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Oops. Forget that anything Trump does must automatically be bad and i'll be downvoted for forgetting that... *cough* Biased whiney babies *cough*

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        It's not that it must be bad, it's just that, in the vast majority of cases, it objectively is.

      2. hplasm Silver badge
        Meh

        Biased whiney babies -

        Should not be in positions of power.

  24. Mog_X

    Space Marines?

    The Emperor Protects!

  25. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Trollface

    This sad and ancient religion: Veep Vader cargocults!

    space development

    I'm sure lawyers will lobby for "eminent domain" legislation soon.

    In the meantime, due to the neverending aggravated/crippling/debilitating/asscracking sanctions, Russia is mulling "no more rocket engines for you": https://www.rt.com/business/435560-russia-retaliate-sanctions-rocket-engines/

  26. Potemkine! Silver badge

    It's amazing how States always lack money to help their population through Healthcare or Education but always find resources for their Armies.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Not as many kick backs from healthcare and education plus it's better if the poor die young and dumb, less chance of them realising what's actually going on.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      --- It's amazing how States always lack money to help their population through Healthcare or Education but always find resources for their Armies. --- anonymous cowards cannae do html, captain!

      And here I thought it is an African thing - keep your population as backward as possible, throw every hindrance into homeschooling and promote your army, police and other armed forces as needed.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        And here I thought it is an African thing

        And where do you think they learned it from ?

  27. smudge Silver badge

    What are the five existing armed forces?

    ...the proposed organization would be the sixth branch of the armed forces, sitting alongside the Army, Navy, Air Force, and so on.

    So you don't know either! The first three cover land, sea and air. I can't see that there's much else. Do you have Military Moles? Teleportation Troops? Men Who Stare At Goats?

    1. Blake St. Claire

      Re: What are the five existing armed forces?

      LMGTFY:

      Army

      Navy

      Air Force

      Marines

      Coast Guard

      Space Force uniform should be an orange jumpsuit. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to have Twitler model it for us in Leavenworth.

      Twitler announced the first mission will be to the Sun. Asked whether it wouldn't be too hot, he said they'll go at night. Sarah Sanders later said that claims the Sun is hot are Fake News.

      1. DavCrav Silver badge

        Re: What are the five existing armed forces?

        I can only assume that the Marines and Coast Guard are separate because nobody could decide if they were land or sea, so belonged to the Army or Navy.

        "Where should we put the Coast Guard? Army or Navy?"

        "Are they guarding the coast from the land or from the sea?"

        "I guess both."

        "Erm... Can we make it a separate branch?"

    2. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Re: What are the five existing armed forces?

      Wot, no cyberforce heading among them? What are those folks at NSA? And come to that, also CIA?

      And will they now have to replace the Pentagon with a Hexagon?

  28. Cuddles Silver badge

    Which raises the question

    "The first American rockets in space were launched by our military. The first American satellites to orbit the Earth were on reconnaissance missions behind the Iron Curtain. The first Americans to step forward and venture into the unknown were the world’s greatest aviators and test pilots from the Navy, Air Force and the Marines."

    If all that was possible anyway, what exactly is the need for a new department with a stupid name and a shitty clipart logo?

    1. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Re: Which raises the question

      That's easy. A formal launch now becomes a legacy for the people currently in charge. Consider Hollywood blockbusters of a generation or two hence:

      Thanks to the Space Force, founded by Trump, we have space dominance.

    2. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

      Re: what exactly is the need for a new department

      The traditional reason for having separate armed services is to ensure they bicker among themselves instead of deposing the King/government. If the army is looking a bit rebellious you can have the air force drop bombs on them. If the air force is a problem you can send in the army to capture air bases.

      A space force that controls reconnaissance, communications and GPS satellites could wreak havoc by sending fake news from these sources. In this case I think it is just a distraction to keep other self inflicted embarrassments out of the news and comes with a big pork bonus.

    3. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Re: Which raises the question

      The first American rockets in space were launched by our Hitler's military

    4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Which raises the question

      "the world’s greatest aviators and test pilots from the Navy, Air Force and the Marines."

      Worlds greatest? It could be argued that the worlds greatest aviator was our own Eric Brown, RN, RiP.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: Which raises the question

        The greatest American test pilot was excluded from their space program for being under qualified.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's really a cunning plot

    If the Space Force discovers alien life, Trump will be first in line to stick his dick in one of them. Then he'll want to build a wall to keep them out of the solar system.

  30. 89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921

    Yes, that's all very well but where are all the giant shark robot shaped spaceships with asteroid vapouring frickin laser beams?

  31. John G Imrie Silver badge

    Republican Space Rangers

    Why do I keep thinking of this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZuZShxJq8M

  32. MJI Silver badge

    Trump is an alien

    And he rides around on the top of a bald old animated corpse

  33. hammarbtyp Silver badge

    A $8 billion bargain

    ... as long as the commander in chief is made to go 1st

  34. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Alien

    I don't see why you guys are so dubious about this....

    Hey, someone needs to build the Millenium Falcon before it can eventually be won by Han Solo in that card game!

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: I don't see why you guys are so dubious about this....

      That was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A̶m̶e̶r̶i̶c̶a̶ Space Force - Fuck yeah!

    How is it that when other things require funding, there is always millions upon millions for defence and military?

    Any space stuff should be under a United Federation of Countries - leading up to eventually Planets.

  36. Ochib

    Beware the Lawyers

    Games Workshop Lawyers are on standby with the Cease and desist letters as they own the copywrite to the phrase "Space Marine"

  37. Patrician

    "“The space force is the next and natural evolution of American military strength," the Veep said. "The first American rockets in space were launched by our military. The first American satellites to orbit the Earth were on reconnaissance missions behind the Iron Curtain...."

    Not correct:-

    The Jupiter C, was America's first successful space vehicle, launched the free world's first scientific satellite, Explorer 1, into orbit on January 31, 1958. The Explorer I satellite is attached to a single solid-propellant rocket motor, which served as the launch vehicle's fourth stage.

    1. Jemma Silver badge

      Wrong

      The first successful launch of a rocket into space was the first successful test launch of the A-4 rocket by a lovely chap by the name of Wernher Von Braun - specifically Sturmbannfuhrer von Braun under the auspices of Hitlers government. Ill educated Americans will probably better recognise it as the V-2. It was quite an advanced device when it worked - and there was a two stage version being prototyped at the end of the war.

      It didn't go into orbit, despite just about being capable, but it *did* get into space and then continued on a ballistic course to make a relatively big hole somewhere unrecorded.

      It really pisses me off when Americans claim first in everything - when they're usually a decade behind. A good example is the Wrights - they DID NOT make the first powered flight - they even admitted it in COURT. But we can't have a German American doing it can we? White (anglicised from "Weiss") built his own plane and engine from scratch - almost singlehandedly pioneering aero engine design and using oxy acetylene mixture for fuel flew first. On top of that he pioneered V engines in aircraft, coupled ignition (two plugs per cylinder, later fired by separate circuits), built up a company building universally respected aero engines in both petrol & acetylene types (including an early form of direct injection if I remember) - and no one has heard of him. It's two twerps in a wing warped deathtrap that even modern ace pilots *and* computer autopilots can't make fly at all, let alone remotely safely.

      Please do the world a favour and do your research first - either that or keep your mouth shut - lest your boot inexplicably ends up massaging your kidneys; from the inside. I *hate* ill educated idiots.

      1. sisk Silver badge

        Re: Wrong

        Jemma, you need to read a bit closer before you start going off on other people and calling them idiots. Both Trump's comments and Patrician's, which set you off on that little rant, specifically state they are talking about AMERICA'S first rocket. Wernher Von Braun may have launched the world's first successful rocket, but it was not by any stretch of the imagination America's first rocket, even if it did come before the Jupiter C. Context matters.

    2. Jaybus

      "The Jupiter C, was America's first successful space vehicle, launched the free world's first scientific satellite, Explorer 1, into orbit on January 31, 1958."

      Well then, it definitely IS correct, as the Jupiter C was designed by the US Army Ballistic Missile Agency.

  38. spold Bronze badge

    Flesh Gordon!

    I was thinking "Flesh Gordon" NSFW: https://futurism.media/flesh-gordon

    I can see it working out for everyone if the "Dildo-in-chief" is stranded on planet Porno - win win.

    Wait - perhaps the Russians already filmed something like that....

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Flesh Gordon!

      When it comes to hearing about that film the Russians made, silence is golden.

  39. Haku

    Americans need to alter the criteria for being allowed to be president.

    Like for example they have to be able to pass some basic tests, e.g. identifying the difference between a documentary and a Hollywood sci-fi movie.

    I'd almost argue that the voters also need to be able to pass those basic tests.

    1. Marketing Hack Silver badge
      Go

      Re: Americans need to alter the criteria for being allowed to be president.

      What, after we already had a President who literally played straight man to a chimpanzee in the movies? (He was even a really successful President, though you may disagree with his particular politics.)

      I'm afraid that the recognition-of-reality ship sailed long ago, with the space aliens, faeries, anthropomorphized talking animals, wild west gunslingers and magical British nannies forming the crew and serving as entertainment and the wait staff for the passengers.

      1. Haku

        Re: Americans need to alter the criteria for being allowed to be president.

        I'm not suggesting the questions need to be particularly difficult to answer correctly, but it would help weed out those who are clearly 'communicating with the aliens'.

        However it would be interesting, and give something for the examiners to chuckle over, to thow in some purely abstract questions such as:

        26. In which year did man walk on the Sun? "____"

        and

        31. How long is a piece of string? "_____________________________________"

      2. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Americans need to alter the criteria for being allowed to be president.

        He was even a really successful President

        He was particularly successful at not being able to recall anything on the witness stand.

        1. Jaybus

          Re: Americans need to alter the criteria for being allowed to be president.

          "He was particularly successful at not being able to recall anything on the witness stand."

          I thought that was a requirement for his job. As an actor, he was just a bit more believable than most. Bill Clinton should have paid attention. His not remembering having sex with interns was perhaps the silliest act on the witness stand.

      3. sisk Silver badge

        Re: Americans need to alter the criteria for being allowed to be president.

        Let's be fair: space aliens are almost certainly real.

        Millions or billions of light years away, undiscovered as of yet by humans, and absolutely never stepping foot on planet Earth, but probably real none the less.

    2. fredesmite

      Re: Americans need to alter the criteria for being allowed to be president.

      An IQ test would be the 1st

      1. VikiAi Silver badge
        Facepalm

        IQ test.

        That was probably the least believable part of the documentary 'Idiocracy': That when they discovered someone with the 'highest IQ in the country', the government actually recruited them to try and solve their problems (rather than chasing them up a tree and setting fire to it, as is current practice in such situations!)

  40. StuntMisanthrope Bronze badge

    Quartermaster Cyclinder

    Sounds like an opportunity to me. #friendsalltriedtowarnme

  41. adam payne Silver badge

    Space Force Fuck yeah

  42. sisk Silver badge

    Somehow I don't think Trump cares if he tramples over the Outer Space Treaty. He certainly hasn't shown much interest in honoring other treaties and commitments made by the US before he was elected. He's done everything from actively try to dismantle NAFTA to pull out of the Paris agreement. Space based weapons platforms in violation of a 1960s era treaty would be par for the course for him.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "Space based weapons platforms in violation of a 1960s era treaty would be par for the course for him."

      ...and probably decided on the golf course too, between rounds. Isn't Trump the guy who claimed Obama spent too much time on golf courses then went on to spend more time on the golf course in his first three months than Obama ever did?

  43. dbastianello

    SPACE BOOBS IN SPACE???

    How about the 2017 classic ;)

  44. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    Covfefe in Spaaace!

  45. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    A rat done bit my sister Nell

    ... with Whitey on the moon...

  46. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Shhh! Keep it on the down-low

    <whispers>They're finally building the B-Ark</whispers>

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Shhh! Keep it on the down-low

      <whispers>They're finally building the B-Ark</whispers>

      <mutters>I'm a little worried it's a Stark*</mutters>

      * No, it's not a GoT reference, this was a televised book too though.

    2. John Savard Silver badge

      Re: Shhh! Keep it on the down-low

      No! We need to shout it from the housetops! They've got to be stopped!

      Otherwise, we'll find out the hard way that telephone sanitizers really do serve a useful purpose.

  47. John Savard Silver badge

    News

    "The first American satellites to orbit the Earth were on reconnaissance missions behind the Iron Curtain."

    There were American spy satellites in orbit before Vanguard? Or is he thinking of the U-2 by any chance?

    1. John Savard Silver badge

      Re: News

      In fairness to Mike Pence, the first Corona reconaissance satellites were launched only about a year after Explorer I, the first successful American satellite. So spy satellites definitely were among the first American satellites to do somtehing more than perform initial scientific measurements of outer space. Telstar wasn't until 1962.

  48. fredesmite
    Mushroom

    More welfare spending for military conplex

    US military already gets $740b welfare now ..they were chased out of Iraq and Afghanistan by goat herders and cave dwellers using 1980 used Russian equipment.

  49. nice spam database '); drop table users; --

    "Our stick is bigger"-style propaganda, again

    In the Land of the Destroyers, anything is more important than education. They didn't miss this occasion to add another international agreement to their list of violations, the "non-militarization of space".

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ideas for logo

    NX-class destroyer unloading a barrage of photons. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_a_Mirror,_Darkly

    Because if you are going to rip off sci-fi, you need to "Go large or Go Home" (tm)

    Also I hear the dedicated recruitment lines are already open!

    (scuttles off to see if the application process has got anywhere)

  51. GX5000
    Terminator

    This is how it actually ends

    It won't take too much for us to meet our end since China has zero reservations on blowing up Satellites.

    Once enough debris (and there's a ton already) covers our skies it'll be Matrix time....no Sun, no life.

  52. LeahroyNake Bronze badge

    My $2 million logo

    Space Farce!

    Printers notes...

    In bold

    Random font

    Stick some characters in italics

    One letter in a random colour, ensure that a different colour and character is used for every print

    I have spell checked the document

    I have fact checked the document

    You are not allowed to use a big X anywhere near the logo as described above

    For colour matching please refer to IMDB Spaceballs

    Your Schwartz is weak old man.

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