back to article Foolish foodies duped into thinking Greggs salads are posh nosh

Food snobs have been tricked into saying they like Greggs after the British high-street pasty biz went undercover at a London festival. Visitors to the Foodies Festival were fooled into thinking "Gregory And Gregory" was the latest purveyor of gourmet salads by posh signage and smart aprons, complete with geometric leaf logo …

  1. GreggS

    My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

    I just roll with it.

    1. Velv Silver badge

      Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

      Did you order the Oasis Soup?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

      As soon as anyone mentions Greggs - I just think of a factory somewhere with an enormous Whisky sized vat, with a mixing hook the size of the titanic's rotor, stiring a pink mush with the dna of 10000 dead pigs, with blood being added until the original grey sludge is just the right shade of Gregg's pink, slowly being squeezed out through a hole, the diameter of a small child, ready to fill some pastry somewhere.

      Now if they brought that setup to a food show, I'm sure everyone like me, would immediately associate that with Greggs.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

        You think there's meat and blood in a Greggs sausage roll? How quaint.

      2. Cuddles Silver badge

        Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

        "think of a factory somewhere with an enormous Whisky sized vat, with a mixing hook the size of the titanic's rotor, stiring a pink mush with the dna of 10000 dead pigs, with blood being added until the original grey sludge is just the right shade of Gregg's pink, slowly being squeezed out through a hole, the diameter of a small child, ready to fill some pastry somewhere."

        Great, now I'm hungry.

      3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Coat

        Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

        I've heard that Greggs sausages are made out of lips and arseholes.

        But personally, I think it's just bollocks.

        Badumtish! I'm here all week!

      4. Sweep

        Re: My wife would tend to agree with the more negative reactions

        I worked in a cheapo sausage factory (not producing snags for Greggs but for several supermarket "Value" ranges) during one of my holidays from uni. It's not blood that adds the pink colouring- that comes from the tub of food colouring and additives that's chucked into the big vat full of bones, gristle and fat.

  2. Andrew Moore Silver badge

    In fairness, none of the food served would be typical of Greggs so I don't really understand how the punters were duped.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I think it was, they just renamed it.

      1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

        Like an Acura is just a Honda with lockwashers, then...

    2. Velv Silver badge
      FAIL

      I’d suggest you watch again. The last few seconds confirm it is the new Summer menu at Greggs “(sausage rolls also available)”

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Taste is very largely about smell (ask any wine buff about the importance of a big glass which you only half fill).

      And the greasy smell of a pie shop sets the tone, even if some of the food itself might be entirely different if taken out of that context.

      1. jake Silver badge

        Not a big glass.

        Rather a tulip shaped one that you can comfortably cup in your hand, with an opening that's big enough to get your nose into while you sip. And you don't fill it half full, that's far too much. Just an ounce or so is all you need when tasting wine. Of course if your objective is drinking, rather than tasting, follow your bliss. I hear from usually reliable sources that pint beer glasses, coffee mugs and tea cups work in a pinch :-)

        1. Kane Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: Not a big glass.

          "I hear from usually reliable sources that pint beer glasses, coffee mugs and tea cups work in a pinch :-)"

          Sippy cups.

          1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

            Re: Not a big glass.

            No. If you're worried about spilling it, then a straw stuck in the bottle will do fine. Brown paper bag, optional.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Would sir like to try the slow roasted and pulled beef in a succulent jus made from a time honoured northern English recipe wrapped in hand made pasty presented with geometrical patterns?

    I present the Steak Bake.

    People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      I ordered "beef en croute" in a small town in Scotland once - and got a Findus crispy pancake

      1. defiler Silver badge

        in a small town in Scotland

        Was it deep fried? If not, it was probably an Englishman in the kitchen. I once watched somebody deep fry and eat a lettuce. Us Scots deep fry everything - even ice cream.

        ... Suddenly I want to watch Comfort and Joy...

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          It was a small hotel with perhaps delusions of grandeur (or in this case delusions of adequacy) - but it was the only place to eat in town.

        2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          I once watched somebody deep fry and eat a lettuce.

          In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza! No, I never tried: frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            "In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza! No, I never tried: frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam"

            You condone the punishement of deep frying for spammers?

            Whilst it might seem overly harsh, I have to admit there would be few repeat offenders

          2. Tinslave_the_Barelegged Silver badge
            IT Angle

            > In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza!

            I recently flew from Glasgow (we're well north in Scotland) and while waiting for the flight ordered a panini. The waiter asked "Do yer want chips or salad wi' yer panini there?" Now here's the top tip - please learn from my mistake - NEVER ask for the salad. Some vaguely green curly strips and a wrinkled red thing that was once a tomato fill the space where nature obviously intended chips to be.

            (IT angle obvious)

            1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

              NEVER ask for the salad

              My lifelong philosophy

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            "In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza!"

            Probably most chippies in the Edinburgh area in the 1970s did deep fried mini pizzas. IIRC they started off frozen - and when served you had to wring them out like a cloth to remove excess frying oil.

          4. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

            Frying in batter is strictly for fish, and spam? You have clearly never tried deep-fried icecream - truly a thing of beauty. Assuming it's not cooked in the same oil as the fish of course.

            1. BoldMan

              Deep fried curly-wurly - a thing of beauty to experience! Far better than a Mars bar!

              1. juice Bronze badge

                I tried a deep fried mars bar in Edinburgh while wandering down the Royal mile, but neither my friend nor I were particularly impressed - it tasted like cardboard.

                A chippy in Buxton does deep fried Cadburys Creme Eggs at Easter. Which is pretty much as gloriously disgusting as you might expect, especially since the egg comes out covered in a gnarled knot of batter - it looks like something you'd stumble across in a Alien film...

              2. defiler Silver badge

                Deep fried curly-wurly

                I can see that working. Last I spoke at length on the subject it was deep fried Maltesers, which sound surprisingly amazing!

          5. Fungus Bob Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            "frying in batter is strictly for fish. And spam!"

            Spam is best enjoyed raw.

          6. juice Bronze badge

            A local chippy does deep fried rolls of kebab meat. I bought one once as an experiment; I think my heart stuttered just from looking at it!

          7. d3vy Silver badge

            "In Glasow University Students Union you could get deep-fried pizza!"

            It's called pizza crunch and you can get it practically anywhere that has a fryer

            1. Mycho Silver badge

              I thought a pizza crunch had to have batter?

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          @defiler

          Now I want to try deep fried lettuce.

          or

          Romaine lettuce encased in a thin dough cooked in tempura style.

        4. JohnFen Silver badge

          Scots have that right, then. There is nothing that can't be made tastier by deep frying it.

      2. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

        Food resembleing other food

        I was in an a chain Italian restaurant, and ordered the veal (I know, it was one of those "I've got to try it once" moments overriding any ethical thoughts), and I was very disappointment to get a plate containing something that looked and tasted like a Bernard Mathews turkey steak with half a tin of Heinz Spaghetti in tomato sauce and a quarter of a bag of Florette small-leaf salad.

        Maybe it was, and I was just duped!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Food resembleing other food

          "I was in an a chain Italian restaurant, and ordered the veal [...]"

          Many years ago at dinner with a girlfriend in a relatively posh Edinburgh Italian restaurant. I ordered the veal schnitzel. When the waitress served us she said "whose is the fish?".

        2. Cursorkeys

          Re: Food resembleing other food

          >veal (I know, it was one of those "I've got to try it once" moments overriding any ethical thoughts)

          Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK. we've outlawed the cruel production practices for at least a decade, overseas is variable especially once you get out of the EU.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

              You're confusing vegetarian and vegan.

              1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

                Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

                You're confusing vegetarian and vegan.

                Vegetarian veal is OK, veal made from vegans is a bit tasteless

                1. jake Silver badge

                  Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

                  So a vegetarian could eat a vegan in a pinch, but not vice versa?

            2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: Food resembleing other food...Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK

              "I know a vegetarian who refuses to wear leather but eats cheese and drinks milk."

              As someone else said, you may be confusing vegans and vegetarians and conflating two sets of beliefs in a confused way. On the other hand, a vegetarian might be happy to eat or use the products of an animal where said product doesn't involve killing the animal. So milk and cheese is fine, wool is fine, but leather is not.

          2. Terry 6 Silver badge

            Re: Food resembleing other food

            And to add to cursokeys comment, if you drink milk then there have to be calves (i.e. veals) produced. A fact of life. Better to eat them than they being used for dog food.

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: Food resembleing other food

              My cows don't produce veal They produce proto-steaks or heifers. I leave the veal production to my neighbor, he's set up for it. Thankfully, the fine art of bartering isn't dead, in spite of the infernal revenuers.

          3. Mark 85 Silver badge

            Re: Food resembleing other food

            Veal's fine, ethics-wise, in the UK. we've outlawed the cruel production practices for at least a decade, overseas is variable especially once you get out of the EU.

            Here in that States, anything thing that's a patty, breaded, and labeled "veal" is mystery meat. I suspect that many of the un-breaded, non-patty veal isn't actual veal either. If you want veal, find a butcher's shop.

        3. jake Silver badge

          Re: Food resembleing other food

          "a chain Italian restaurant"

          Well, there's your problem.

      3. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. defiler Silver badge

      rustlers microwave burgers

      The disappointment of the drop in performance (0-tasty time went from 60 to 70 seconds) is only exceeded by the disappointment of the flavour...

    3. tony72

      People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

      Okay, I will step up and defend microwave burgers. You do have to make them right; no matter what the instructions say, toast the bun separately, do not under any circumstances put it in the microwave. Fold a paper towel around the meat patty when you cook it, it will soak up the excess moisture released during heating. In the case of Rustlers burgers, throw away the Rustlers sauce, it's disgusting, and apply your proper condiments of choice instead. If we're talking cheeseburger, an extra slice of cheese does not hurt, as the one slice provided is generally lacking in flavour, as well as quantity.

      None of this will make it into a gourmet experience, don't get me wrong. But it is actually a passable snack if done right, and in my case, significantly superior to the burgers available from the eastern European guy around the corner, whose food safety standards are distinctly questionable.

      1. Credas Silver badge

        So you basically don't microwave, or you throw away, everything other than the patty - which you wrap up and zap, or in other words you're essentially steaming it. Not much of a defence of the concept of a "microwave burger", is it?

        1. tony72

          @Credas - It's a somewhat edible hot burger in 2 minutes without going further than the kitchen, I say my defence stands up. Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.

          1. Credas Silver badge

            Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.

            I have tried it, actually - who couldn't be curious enough to give it a go? I agree it wasn't as bad as I was expecting, but I'd still sooner spend the full 5 minutes with a hot griddle and have something far better.

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "So you basically don't microwave, or you throw away, everything other than the patty - which you wrap up and zap, or in other words you're essentially steaming it. Not much of a defence of the concept of a "microwave burger", is it?"

          I was thinkig pretty much the same. If your putting the grill on anyway (you don't toast burger buns in a pop-up toaster, you only toast the one side) then you might as well grill the burger too and be done with it. It's not going to take much longer.

      2. Chris G Silver badge

        "East European guy round the corner"

        You mean Cut me own throat Kowalski? He sells named meat but nobody can pronounce it.

        1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

          I thought it was Khlav Kalash?

          https://frinkiac.com/img/S09E01/729211.jpg

          1. magickmark

            I thought it was Khlav Kalash?

            And don't forget the crab juice

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFv5IGP2uA

            https://www.reddit.com/r/TheSimpsons/comments/1q1o8a/mountain_dew_or_crab_juice_blecch_ew_sheesh_ill/

    4. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
      Coat

      People will eat any old shit if you present it the right way, how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?

      I quite like Rustler's, pack of 8, cook-in-the-oven burgers. But I wouldn't eat one of their bun things which rotates in a microwave if you tried to pay me.

      I'm eagerly waiting to see what 'shit in a sarnie' we will get thanks to our trade deal with America. I'm sure Greggs will embrace Grits and Gumbo with a Spray Cheese topping and a side of Chicken Feet.

      Mine's the one with the sick-bag in the pocket.

    5. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      At the A/C, re: people eat any old shit.

      You're CMOT Dibbler aren't you? I claim my money! =-D

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: At the A/C, re: people eat any old shit.

        You're CMOT Dibbler aren't you? I claim my money! =-D

        Sorry, no refunds!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Greggs the pie shop

    haven't seen a real "bakery" for years. (See also "greengrocer" and "butcher").

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Greggs the pie shop

      Really? I can't imagine any small-medium sized town doesn't have a baker and a butcher. It might be a trendy baker but round here even the larger villages still have traditional butchers. And we have greengrocers. Outdoor markets are also popular though again a bit more trendy; farm shops are also pretty au fait these days.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Greggs the pie shop

        "I can't imagine any small-medium sized town doesn't have a baker and a butcher."

        Town south of Watford - pop. 80,000. One butcher in the indoor market a few times a week. His fillet steak is half the price of that in the Waitrose. He even trims off any fat before weighing it.

        We also have a decent bakery shop - although they have given up their shop where you could watch them icing wedding cakes. Nowadays they don't even do a very moist rich fruit cake base - only sponge.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Greggs the pie shop

        I didn't say we didn't have a local butcher/baker/greengrocers. We do,

        But they have much less selection than Sainsburys (and the quality isn't any better).

        Say what you will about immigrant communities, they certainly have added variety *back* to the high street. If I want mutton - which I sometimes do - the local butcher is "you what mate ? Mutton ? I've have to put an order in ....". Any Halal butcher it's "how much would you like ?".

    2. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: Greggs the pie shop

      We have a butcher, an baker and a greengrocer. Of course, I live in an achingly hip part of London and the butcher is organic and the bakery French.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Greggs the pie shop

        No candlestick maker?

        Though I think there's probably three men in a tub.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Greggs the pie shop

          I saw an actress talking to a Bishop recently...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Greggs the pie shop

            "I saw an actress talking to a Bishop recently..."

            Was that the deaf bishop apologising to the pregnant actress - "I thought you said use a fresh lettuce".

  5. Craigie

    No coffee I bet

    Never mind the sausage rolls, their incredibly shitty coffee would be the biggest giveaway.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: No coffee I bet

      The competition for shitty coffee at a high price is incredibly strong:: basically most places use beans that are not suitably roasted.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: No coffee I bet

        "The competition for shitty coffee at a high price is incredibly strong:: basically most places use beans that are not suitably roasted."

        I suspect most people don't actually like coffee but feel that ever since "Friends" popularised the coffee shop where all the cool kids hang out, they have to be seen drinking the stuff, hence all the weak milky and syrup flavoured concoctions on offer at stupidly high prices. Rather like the customers of "Gregory and Gregory" in the video.

      2. JimmyPage Silver badge
        Happy

        Re:beans that are not suitably roasted.

        Ealing Broadway (well, just round the corner, near Haven Green) - "Importers". A real coffee/tea shop (pissed all over Whittards). They used to roast the beans in the window. A copper drum over a heater. The smell was divine. Add that to freshly baked bread (possibly with a hint of oregano) ......

        1. Glenturret Single Malt

          Re: Re:beans that are not suitably roasted.

          Years ago, when living in Malaysia, my wife occasionally bought fresh coffee beans and roasted them herself. The smell of roasting coffee was fine in the later stages of the process but, during the initial stages of heating, a lot of very unpleasant smelling substances were released. Fortunately, as is common in the tropics, much cooking could be done outside.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: No coffee I bet

      Even most of the posh coffee places serve shit coffee. NO! I do not want an americano! If I want espresso, I'm man enough to drink it without it being watered down. But if I want coffee, then I don't want something that's been over-roasted so that it makes good espresso, as that means it makes shit coffee. Get me something light or medium roasted and use a filter of some description. Surely it's not that difficult?

      1. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: No coffee I bet

        There are a lot of people who have been persuaded that strong coffee means bitter dark roasted coffee, as opposed to coffee that has sufficient strong flavoured, Arabica beans,. It's a way of selling less for more. Providing an insipid amount of coffee with a lot of carbonised coffee oils to make it taste of more. Just not of morecoffee. Even espresso ( it was expresso when I was a lad btw) needs a reasonably high ratio of coffee bean to water to be strong. Not just dark roasted.

  6. AdamWill

    the queue to punch this guy...

    "The avocado is so au fait at the moment, it definitely pops"

    OK, that guy has *got* to be a plant. If not, the punchin' queue forms right over here. A quid a pop.

    1. Credas Silver badge

      Re: the queue to punch this guy...

      I was thinking of going to that food festival, but decided against. Lucky break, if that was the standard of tosser I'd have been within earshot of.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: the queue to punch this guy...

      Damn, there was me hoping Floyd Grossman was dead

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: the queue to punch this guy...

        "Damn, there was me hoping Floyd Grossman was dead"

        Floyd is. Grossman not so much.

        PS, maybe you meant Lloyd Grossman?

    3. FozzyBear Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: the queue to punch this guy...

      Yep from the whole article it was that wankers comment that got me. Though I was thinking more along the line of forced sterilisation to ensure his defective genes cannot pollute the gene pool. A punching queue does bring an immediate sense of satisfaction.

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Re: the queue to punch this guy...

        Yep from the whole article it was that wankers comment that got me.

        My money is on that he is/was a marketing type. I'll be shocked if they didn't contact him with a job offer.

    4. Oengus Silver badge

      Re: the queue to punch this guy...

      If not, the punchin' queue forms right over here. A quid a pop.

      Do I get a bulk discount with a tenner? (maybe a bakers dozen)

  7. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    Wait a minute

    """

    "The avocado is so au fait at the moment, it definitely pops,"

    """

    Somebody actually uttered those words? Are we sure that the speaker wasn't pulling someone's leg?

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Wait a minute

      I think it might have been someone working for SugaRape magazine.

    2. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Wait a minute

      darling surely you meant to say a la mode ne c'est pas?

      1. Insert sadsack pun here

        Re: Wait a minute

        Nah, you wouldn’t serve avocado with whipped cream...would you?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Wait a minute

          He probably expects his beef served with "au jus sauce" (yes, I've seen that on a menu)

          1. Terry 6 Silver badge

            Re: Wait a minute

            Shouldn't that be "with avec".

            1. Franco Silver badge

              Re: Wait a minute

              When I was a student at the University of Strathclyde I walked through the Italian Centre in Glasgow's Merchant City every morning from the train station.

              On a board outside the chip shop "Today's special, Fromage Frites"

              I have to disagree with the chap slagging Gregg's coffee too, it's not great but price to taste ratio it's pretty good compared to most of the high street chains and when you're paying £2.25 or so for the coffee and a pastry or a doughnut it's pretty hard to complain.

  8. Milton Silver badge

    "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

    " ... how else does anyone explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

    Well, think about that. You'd much sooner try to explain one than actually ... eat ... it.

    My overriding curiosity is this, though: who on earth—really, who—actually buys that grotesque filth?

    1. DJO Silver badge

      Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

      My overriding curiosity is this, though: who on earth—really, who—actually buys that grotesque filth?

      I've never actually tried one, they could be ambrosia of the gods for all I know but instinct tells me not to find out.

      We all need some mystery in our lives.

      1. Mycho Silver badge

        Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

        I eat them sometimes.

        Then again I'll eat anything as I think my previous posts on here have probably shown. Soy burgers to Crocodile burgers to post pub yorkshire pudding pizza honourable mentions.

        In my defence, at least 10 years of my life I've been a student.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

          There is a reason we used to hang rustlers around these parts, pardner.

          1. Mark 85 Silver badge

            @jake --Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

            Good point. But didn't rustlers only get the slow ones from the herd? The fast and healthy would get away?

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: @jake --"explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

              The rustlers stole whatever wasn't tied down and/or properly branded. Still do, but these days we call them "corporate executives" or "politicians".

        2. Mycho Silver badge

          Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

          For the record, if you do find yourself having to eat rustlers burgers, the thing to always remember is to replace the sauce with something that tastes like food.

          Garlic and mushroom sauce can rescue anything.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: "explain rustlers microwave burgers?"

      "My overriding curiosity is this, though: who on earth—really, who—actually buys that grotesque filth?"

      Probably the same people who do their entire weekly/monthly shop in Farmfoods and Iceland and think 4 microwave meals at 10+ minutes each is quicker than spending 20 minutes making a cheaper better meal for four with decent ingredients.

  9. Spoonsinger
    Windows

    You know those advertising 'News' articles the Daily Mail do?....

    Are these Greggs stories the Registers version? (Peckish now).

  10. Lt.Kije

    Snobs

    Next up, the wine snobs.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Snobs

      As opposed to those who don't care what it tastes like, as long as it has alcohol in it? Enjoy pruno, do you? How about OJ that's been left out for a week or three? Poor bastard.

  11. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Someone Jimminy Crickket said:

    au fait at the moment

    To be "au fait" means "to be knowledgeable about". What the faitecky fait??

  12. Dr_N Silver badge

    Not new

    Didn't Penn & Teller do this about 10 years ago, with McDonalds salads, on their Bullshit show?

    (But maybe with more swearing.)

  13. Hollerithevo Silver badge

    Have always liked Greggs

    Their chicken salad sarnie has seen me through many a lunch. Ditto pies.

    1. Terry 6 Silver badge

      Re: Have always liked Greggs

      I've grabbed a Gregg's pie when I've only had a short lunch break. They do the job when needed. And I prefer their iced buns to most retailers'. e.g. Waitrose, who seem to add vanilla or something which just spoils the natural sugary thingness of it.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Have always liked Greggs

        "I've grabbed a Gregg's pie when I've only had a short lunch break. "

        I used to, many years ago when they were still a relatively small and local chain but now my life is on the road, rarely in town centres, so the only Greggs I see these days are the ones at motorway services and no way in hell am I paying those prices!

    2. Dapprman
      Thumb Up

      Re: Have always liked Greggs

      Club baguette for me - not much where I work but I prefer that over the Subway, WH Smiths and Costa that are my alternatives

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Have always liked Greggs

      Greggs Belgian buns are excellent. Also their bread pudding slices are pretty damned good too. Their ginger cookies are too bad.

      But their jam doughnuts are an abomination, for not having been properly fried, so you might as well be just eating bread and jam. Worse than Sainsbury's poor effort.

      The cheese and onion pasty is nice and the sausage roll is OK. If you don't think about what's in it. Sometimes you just need a sausage roll.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Have always liked Greggs

        Greggs sausage rolls

        Buy 3, get one free so enough lkeft for a steak or chicken / mushroom slice

        IT engineers heaven

  14. JohnFen Silver badge

    Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

    That's how it works -- whether it's food, wine, music, or whatever, once you hit a certain level of snobbishness, it's not about whether or not a particular instance of the thing is good, it's about what image it projects and what being seen with that image "says" about you. It's about being part of a club.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

      or "Pretentious people" have no opinions of their own i.e. they are just yet more sheep waiting for group concensus to be delivered from the leaders of their flock.

      Greggs (the shop) sells to people who know what they like even if they do not recognise healthy food

      1. Wellyboot Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

        >>Greggs (the shop) sells to people who know what they like even if they do not recognise healthy food<<

        Very true.

        Many a small child (in pram/buggy etc.) have I seen happily skinning a Greggs sausage role, some like the sausage, some like the pastry.

        Personally I think Greggs is one of the better food outlets. They actually pay their taxes at a realistic rate, They don't have a gender pay gap to speak of away from head office, They pay £2+/h over minimum to shiney new 16yr old shop assistants and the prices don't make you wince.

        No I don't work for them!

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

          "Many a small child (in pram/buggy etc.) have I seen happily skinning a Greggs sausage role, some like the sausage, some like the pastry."

          Speaking of which, I see someone in the USA has just invented the sausage roll. They've imaginatively called them Puff Dogs

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

            "I see someone in the USA has just invented the sausage roll."

            No, you see someone in the USA who is pretty clueless about food. I've been eating sausage rolls here in California since the early 1960s (El Camino Bowl and H&H Burgers had them, both in Palo Alto, by at least 1965). Presumably they existed long before that. Grandpa called 'em "Pork Wellington", which is possibly the earliest food related joke I remember, early 1960s.

            1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
              Happy

              Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

              I'm stealing that. Next time I go to Greggs, I'm ordering a pork wellington. Yummy!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

      Like the iPhone.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Like the iPhone.

        2 Thumbs down in 5 hours warms my heart like a well cooked sausage roll.

      2. jake Silver badge

        Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

        Or, like any fad. Pre-ripped jeans, anyone?

    3. jake Silver badge

      Re: Pretentious people prefer proper presentation

      That would explain modern so-called "music", then.

      HEY YOU KIDS, GET ORF MY LAWN!

  15. Colabroad

    I do miss grabbing a sausage bean and cheese melt for breakfast from the Headrow Greggs in Leeds whilst waiting for the bus. It was perfectly located next to the stop for the 72.

    I make a Greggs pilgrimage every time I'm back in the UK, much to my other half's disgust!

    1. jake Silver badge

      I've found ...

      ... that listening to my other half is a sensible thing to do.

    2. dhawkshaw

      For what it's worth, the Greggs next to the 72 stop is still there :)

  16. Steve D

    The Bar Steward Sons' track

    Cannot let a mention of Greggs go by with out a link to the anthem by The Bar Steward Sons of Val Doonican:

    https://thebarstewardsons.bandcamp.com/track/the-lady-in-greggs-13

  17. FuzzyWuzzys Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Food snobs...

    ...just like every other kind of snob, so far up their own fundaments that they can easily be fooled by anyone putting in just a little effort to dupe them.

    Food is not a way of life, it's just food. It goes in one end, hopefully stays in there, stops you feeling hungry and general makes it way out in a timely fashion.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Food snobs...

      The marketards really have your number, don't they? What flavo(u)r was the koolaid?

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Food snobs...

      The food snobs might be arses. But varying degrees of food effort, taste, healthiness and presentation are necessary. I paid £70 two weeks ago for scallops followed by beef wellington. Best not think about the drinks bill... The food was excellent and beautifully presented. The service was superb. That was a posh, expensive place in London for my brother's 50th. Last weekend I had friends over who needed feeding, and I knocked up a ragu in 15 minutes that kept us all nicely fed, with a bit of pasta. All from fresh ingredients, but very little effort. This week I ate a Greggs sausage roll for lunch, because it was nice. In a couple of weeks I'll spend many hours in the kitchen prepping a family meal, because it's nice to have nice things - and there'll be some poncing around making it all pretty.

      All these things are good. In their time. It's horses for courses. Main courses if I have my way, it's delicious.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

    Many many years ago I discovered Greenhalghs (greenhalghs.com) when I worked in Bolton, UK.

    Always used to like their cakes & pies BUT like most surviving 'Bakers' they have tended, over time, towards the same 'down to a price' standard as Greggs et al.

    Unfortunately, I live in an area where there are few other choices and they are dying out fast.

    People want cheap so quality tends to get crowded out.

    If you are lucky enough to have a decent proper Baker nearby ...... please support them !!!

    A message from the 'Real Bread, Cakes & Pies Marketing Board' !!! ;)

    P.S. I miss proper Brown Bread that was 'Brown', 'Dense Textured' and could be chewed rather than the beige pap that you get now.

    Don't get me started on 'Crusty Bread' of any type ..... when I was a young lad* Crusty Bread was so hard you would cut through 'Tank Armour' with it ....... almost :) !!!

    When did chewing bread become a health hazard so we now have soft pap :(

    *insert suitable joke here.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

      If you can't find proper bread, bake your own. It's not exactly rocket science ... People have been doing it since before we had electric/gas/coal ovens.

      A couple pointers: Homemade bread is always edible (unless you over salt it, or incinerate it). Get and use a peel and a baking stone. Learn to make a sourdough/leaven/chef with wild-caught yeast & lactobacillus. Stick with it for a couple weeks until you get it right; you'll never buy store-bought bread again (unless you can't avoid it). Don't get fancy at first, stick to flour, yeast, salt and water (crawl, then walk, then run). Throw boiling water on the floor of the oven a couple times in the first couple minutes of cooking (unless you can afford a steam-injected bread oven).

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

        "wild-caught yeast & lactobacillus."

        And FWIW, to save all that exotic hassle, buy a bread machine. Preferable with user programmable settings, but not essential. Just experiment with ingredients ratios. Pretty much any bread flour will do. It's primarily down to the fact it's fresh and not full of stuff to increase shelf life that makes it taste so much better. Then you can experiment with other bread flours and ingredients as it takes your fancy. I've never had a loaf that was inedible. The only downside is you always get the same shape with a paddle shaped hole in the bottom but you do get the wonderful smell of fresh baked bread to wake you up instead of an alarm in morning.

        (and you can always, for special occasions, just use it to kneed the dough (the hard bit) and then stick it in the oven i whatever shape you like.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

          Agree on the bread machine. I especially agree on just using it for the mix/proof/kneed/rise portion of the cycle, then form by hand and bake in a conventional oven. I use mine for pizza dough, other flat breads, crackers, and small runs of things like bread sticks and rolls. Occasionally I'll use it as an olfactory alarm clock ... they make good bread for toast and sandwiches.

          You can often find them in thrift stores for a couple quid ... the original owner tries the "sample" packet that comes with the machine, which makes 'orrible bread because it's been sitting on a shelf for a couple years and is well past it's sell-by date. They assume the machine itself is useless, and it winds up in the thrift shop. Look for a model that makes a two pound loaf ... and always use fresh ingredients! GIGO applies to baking just as much as it does to databases.

        2. Trumpet Winsock

          Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

          I've been using my trusty Panasonic bread machine for several years now, experimenting just as you said ( although I did once forget to add water and wondered what the strange smell coming from the machine was.)

          I've found adding 50g of Porridge oats to the mix gives a lovely crunchy crust.

      2. Terry 6 Silver badge

        Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

        Baking tray of water on bottom of oven. That'll give you the steam.

        Paul Hollywood's tip.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

      Just had one of the chicken and mushroom pies from the little Greenhalghs' van that comes round our offices, it was superb, far better than the skinny filled flat pastries that Greggs up on the retail park offer.

    3. Kevin Fairhurst

      Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

      Ah Greenalghs... and Pooles Pies, before Whelan stuck his dirty thumb in...

    4. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

      To follow on from Paul Hollywood, he did a book that's just called 'Bread'. I've no idea if it's better than other bread books, but it was £5 when I picked it up, and it has various different kinds of bread, how to make them and how the baking actually works. Which then means you have an understanding of the baking process, and so can experiment with knowledge. It was an excellent investment of £5.

      Get yourself a baker's scraper, if you're going to hand make bread. It's basically just a tall bit of unsharpened metal with handle (or the top bent over to make one) but helps quite a lot.

      But if you don't fancy starting by making it, I also use a bread maker. If you keep all the stuff in a corner of the kitchen, ready to hand, you can have a loaf on the go in 5 minutes - then 2-4 hours later the machine goes ping. Hey presto!

      If I want to experiement, I'll probably work it by hand - as you can feel if you've made a dough too wet, or say put too much cheese in it so it won't bake properly. At which point you just add more of the other ingredients in proportion until you've corrected your error.

      A baking tray of water on the bottom of the oven gives you crustier crusts. Yum. Fresh bread and butter is the way to lunch on a weekend.

      1. Colabroad

        Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

        If you don't have a baker's scraper a (clean!!) wallpaper scraper will do in a pinch.

      2. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: Other Pie & Cake outlets are available. !!!

        Yeah! Been there, done that!

        I had to go out to buy more ingredients, I was making a fruit cake for my mother-in law coming to stay from Moscow. Ended up having enough balanced ingredients to keep us in cake for weeks.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A man who is tired of life

    Visits a Greggs for a sausage roll *

    * may contain animal products

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