back to article Bowel down: Laxative brownies brought to colleague's leaving bash

Leaving parties can be an opportunity for more anally retentive colleagues to loosen up and go with the flow. But one woman took that to an extreme by bringing laxative brownies to a send-off bash. The 47-year-old from Michigan lost her job after police discovered she put purgatives in a departing co-worker's going-away …

  1. A K Stiles
    Joke

    Giving a crap

    Well that seems like a shitty thing to do...

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Giving a crap

      someone had the guts...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Giving a crap

        Apparently she's on the runs.

        1. BillG Silver badge
          Devil

          Revenge is a dish best served wet

          Few years back a coworker was complaining someone was stealing his lunch out of the company fridge. So one day he puts a powerful laxative in his sandwich. Sure enough, come lunch time, his lunch sack was gone from the fridge.

          Later we noticed the office quiet guy, the one always kissing up to the boss, making multiple runs to the rest room! So technically, this was not illegal, was it?

          Laxatives have their place.

          1. J. Cook Silver badge

            Re: Revenge is a dish best served wet

            I dunno; me, I'd lace my lunch with a good deal of super hot sauce, if I was the type of person who left their lunch in a shared refrigerator. (I use an insulated lunch bag with ice packs instead.)

            1. handleoclast Silver badge

              Re: Revenge is a dish best served wet

              I dunno; me, I'd lace my lunch with a good deal of super hot sauce,

              I'd love to work in your office. Free lunch and I don't even need to bring my own hot sauce.

              I'm annoyed that Tesco hasn't (yet) started selling Carolina Reapers again this year.

            2. Scott Marshall
              Devil

              Re: Revenge is a dish best served wet

              I'd do both - that way the miscreant gets burned on the way in as well as on the way out.

          2. Keven E

            Re: Revenge is a dish best served wet

            "So technically, this was not illegal, was it?"

            I dunno... I hear it's illegal (US) to have an electric shocker hooked up to your car alarm... so that when someone sets it off... "bzzzzzzzT" they get a good shock if they are still touching metal. "Crims rights" or some shite...

            1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
              WTF?

              Re: Revenge is a dish best served wet

              Ex-boss did that hooked up his Porsche & in the dark corner of his parking space to a electric fence unit, especially for when the university students rolled out of The Black Horse In Exeter.

              Thinking back, that might have been a precursor for another event.

            2. Black Betty

              It's called "Setting a mantrap."

              It's got nothing to do with crim's rights, and everything to do with ordinary people not falling foul to random booby traps.

              Thus ended letterboxes with "teeth" and garden walls with embedded glass shards. It's why you and I can't erect electric fences with razor wire.

              1. Slabfondler

                Re: It's called "Setting a mantrap."

                There's at least one property on my walk to work with glass embedded at the top of its walls, right here in the West Midlands.

          3. Black Betty

            Re: Revenge is a dish best served wet

            Technically, it's "Setting a mantrap." so technically illegal.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Giving a crap

      > The 47-year-old from Michigan lost her job

      So at least one person was canned...

    3. Korev Silver badge
      IT Angle

      Re: Giving a crap

      For the “IT angle” you could say she tried to flush his buffers...

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Giving a crap

      It's a really revolting sphincter do to someone.

    5. DoubleBass

      Re: Giving a crap

      Rather than laxative-laced brownies, surely a better prank would have been a take on the popular sugar-coated peanut-butter chocolate candy... Faeces Pieces.

  2. Tigra 07 Silver badge

    It's a shame they never said why she hated her colleague so much. Some of us want to know.

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Whatever the reason, after this I think it's safe to say that the feeling's mutual.

  3. anothercynic Silver badge

    Oh, what a let down...

    ... I was hoping for the reverse... the leaver leaving some dodgy brownies behind.

    Awwww maaaaaan! *disappointed face*

  4. Alistair Silver badge

    Perhaps she was just done with all her co-workers being full of shit when it came to getting it done........

    <perhaps we need a new icon for 'flushing it all down the drain' >

    1. PNGuinn
      IT Angle

      co-workers ...

      ...or cow orkers?

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: co-workers ...

        That was orc ward.

  5. g00se

    Saline police chief Jerrod Hart said the tampering of food ...

    A seasoned officer, was he?

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Saline police chief Jerrod Hart said the tampering of food ...

      Did he use salty language?

      1. choleric

        No, it was completely sterile.

      2. paulll Bronze badge

        Normal for a man like that.

  6. Commswonk Silver badge

    Further Advice...

    Better avoid the "chocolate log" just in case...

  7. Kaltern

    Bitter Bitch Booted Because Baked Bum Bomb Brownies Brought By Bye Bye Bash.

  8. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge

    First rule for breaking the law....

    DON'T tell people that you're going to do it....

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: First rule for breaking the law....

      I was hoping someone would point that out. A time to brag and a time to shut the hell up. Wisdom is knowing which is which.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: First rule for breaking the law....

      I've been burned by an accomplice doing that before. It's why I always work solo now.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Bloody, bleeding, brilliant.

      That is all.

  9. tekHedd

    A tip-off...

    This is why revolutions fail.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: A tip-off...

      There is a well known joke (I have heard it about several countries):

      Q:What is one person from country X?

      A: A revolutionary

      Q:What are two persons from country X?

      A: An organized revolutionary movement.

      Q:What are three persons from country X?

      A: An organized revolutionary movement with a traitor mole.

      1. handleoclast Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: A tip-off...

        You just reminded me of a German motto:

        When two Germans get together they form a club.

        When three Germans get together they form a political party.

        The German who told me that became slightly upset when I added "When four Germans get together they invade Poland."

        1. Geoff May (no relation)

          When four Germans get together they invade Poland

          Surely that should be "When three Germans and an Austrian get together they invade Poland" ...

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: A tip-off...

          @handleocast

          > The German who told me that became slightly upset when I added "When four Germans get together they invade Poland."

          That's so Twentieth Century.

          https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2018/05/germanys-typhoon-problem-only-four-fighters-can-be-made-combat-ready/

          1. ChaosFreak

            Re: A tip-off...

            > https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2018/05/germanys-typhoon-problem-only-four-fighters-can-be-made-combat-ready/

            Haha, I was reading that URL quickly and thought it said "Only Foo Fighters can be made Combat Ready".

  10. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker

    A similar tale that's full of --it

    A man won the lottery to the tune of $125 MEEEEELL-LION. Like most, he quit his job forthwith. He then proceeded to contract a certain company to dump $200,000+ worth of manure on his former boss' lawn while he watched from across the street, laughing to beat the band.

    Of course, the dump trucks woke up the ex-boss, who naturally called the police. By the time the cops got there, half the trucks (I can't remember how many) had spread their load. The "winner" readily admitted to the dirty deed -- payback for taking this guy's $h!t for so many years -- paid his bail, and confessed he had many more similar stunts in store for others.

    We'll see if his lottery gains can cover not just the pranks but also the subsequent bail bonds and civil lawsuits... or if all this revenge leaves him up S--- Creek.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A similar tale that's full of --it

      Soooo......

      The grass WILL be greener on the other side then (or at least the boss's side)?

      1. choleric

        Re: A similar tale that's full of --it

        That's a really manure way to deal with things.

    2. Mike Moyle Silver badge

      Re: A similar tale that's full of --it

      Actually, that story IS full of it:

      https://hoax-alert.leadstories.com/3469371-fake-news-lottery-winner-arrested-for-dumping-200000-of-manure-on-ex-boss-lawn.html

    3. JimboSmith Silver badge

      Re: A similar tale that's full of --it

      An ex colleague now no longer with us was sent a load of manure by his ex wife after their divorce. When the truck turned up the driver was unaware that this was supposed to be revenge. So he knocked on the door and asked where to put the bags. The roses in the back garden never looked better as a result.

  11. Velv Silver badge
    Coat

    The laxative needs to be added to hash brownies...

    ... for shits and giggles.

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Coat

      That was a crap pun

    2. Mine's a Large One
      Coat

      "... for shits and giggles."

      Until someone giggles and shits!!

  12. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Plot in a low budget comedy

    Or should we say Dark Comedy?

  13. Daedalus Silver badge

    But seriously folks....

    I'm always amazed at how people drift into the kitchen or snack area, spot something potentially yummy on the table, and chow down without a second thought. Admittedly in companies where you can get to the snackeria easily there's not much incentive to cause trouble unless there's a personal vendetta, whereas companies that might deserve a "run" for their money are pretty good at restricting outsiders, sometimes to the point of offending potential clients (like a certain formerly large USA photographic corporation).

    On another note a quick glance at the Glassdoor entry for the company in question indicates a certain amount of internal dysfunction. Perhaps the incident was the canary in the coalmine.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: But seriously folks....

      I'm always amazed at how people drift into the kitchen or snack area, spot something potentially yummy on the table, and chow down without a second thought.

      Another way of looking at it: not enough people use the office fridge to store their botulism samples.

  14. Chris G Silver badge

    Apparently

    She got the idea from Feacebook

  15. ma1010 Silver badge
    Gimp

    BOFH Trainee?

    Well, the BOFH has used such weapons on occasion, so I wonder if this woman was a BOFH in the making. She got caught, though, so she clearly needs more practice in proper BOFH techniques.

    And I'd add that if a despised co-irker leaves your place of employment, instead of sabotaging their "good bye" party, a better solution is you and your mates have a "good riddance" party later on down the pub without them around.

    1. MrXavia

      Re: BOFH Trainee?

      No need to sabotage, just make them 'sugar free with Maltitol' since this is a laxative....

      1. cray74

        Re: BOFH Trainee?

        No need to sabotage, just make them 'sugar free with Maltitol' since this is a laxative....

        I did get some of those infamous sugar-free gummy bears for Christmas, which helped me avoid significant caloric gains from giant holiday meals. As I hadn't dented the inventory of the 5-pound bag and considered my curiosity satisfied (teh interweb rumors were true!), I was happy to turn the remainder over to my brother.

        He's a fire fighter and the popular prank at the station was to put million-Scoville hot sauce on the rims of coffee mugs or toothbrushes. They weren't ready for a bowl of innocuous, tasty gummy bears.

  16. martinusher Silver badge

    Say nothing and you'll always be safe

    It appears this person made two mistakes. One was telling someone that she was going to do this. The other was using an identifiable laxative when there are so many natural substances -- things you could innocently put in cakes and brownies -- that would do the same job.

    Rule #1 when dealing with cops -- and the HR department -- is never admit to anything. Or even half admit something. Or even hint that what they're suggesting is true. They are not your friends; they might appear to be friendly because its a way of getting people to talk but they are never going to be on your side. The other suggested, obvious, rules are #2, don't put things in cakes you're making for others to eat and #3 if you do don't go blabbing on about it.

  17. sanmigueelbeer Silver badge
    Happy

    Dumb move

    Dumb move, lady. You baked a cake and spiked it with laxative. Dumb move.

    If that was me, I'd go with the old-fashion way: Haribo's Sugar-Free Gummy Bears. I hear they're quite a hit!

    https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gold-Bears-Original-5-Pound-Packaging/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1526509782&sr=8-1&keywords=Haribo%2Bsugar%2Bfree%2Bgummy%2Bbears&th=1

    1. Rhuadh

      Re: Dumb move

      Having accidentally been caught out by the little jelly bears of satan, all I can add is that they should be banned under the Geneva Convention. After eating a handful, your stomach will start rumbling about an hour later - you will only have a few seconds before the explosion. Hopefully, you will be sitting down, unencumbered around your nether regions of any clothing, on the toilet, in the bushes, behind trees, very hopefully, in privacy, hanging on to something heavy enough to prevent going into orbit - otherwise, things get very messy........On the other hand, probably the most effective laxative known to man!

      1. anothercynic Silver badge

        Re: Dumb move

        Why anyone want to eat sugarfree Haribo is beyond me (other than being diabetic)!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Dumb move

          @anothercynic

          > Why anyone want to eat sugarfree Haribo is beyond me (other than being diabetic)!

          They are terrible for diabetics.

          They're only "better" for diabetics in the sense that being stabbed in the kidneys is a bit better than being stabbed in the heart.

          "sugar free" is dishonest of Haribo: maltitol is a disaccharide of fructose and glucose, i.e. a sugar, just as much as sucrose -"table sugar"- is. (Sucrose is also a disaccharide of fructose and glucose).

      2. JimboSmith Silver badge

        Re: Dumb move

        Having accidentally been caught out by the little jelly bears of satan, all I can add is that they should be banned under the Geneva Convention. After eating a handful, your stomach will start rumbling about an hour later - you will only have a few seconds before the explosion. Hopefully, you will be sitting down, unencumbered around your nether regions of any clothing, on the toilet, in the bushes, behind trees, very hopefully, in privacy, hanging on to something heavy enough to prevent going into orbit - otherwise, things get very messy........On the other hand, probably the most effective laxative known to man!

        Visiting one client office a few years ago I was told a story about one of the staff I'd seen leaving the office as I arrived. She was suffering from a cold and had been chewing Airwaves gum to unblock her nose. When the boss found out she had made it through an entire pack since arriving she was sent home. They were worried about her being unable to make it to the ladies before she exploded. She had no idea that it had laxative properties.

  18. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
    Holmes

    Do Not Pass Go - Do Not Collect 200 Pounds.

    Or in this case a large part of a pharmaceutical company I worked at were being made redundant.....

    The day came & apart from a few arriving in some form of fancy dress (A man in kilt flashing his comedy plastic gentitals\sporran was one) & high spirits, however at least two others were determined to be nasty.

    Excrement (dog) was smeared on on door handles & alcohol poured into the water containers, someone was caught on reviewing security footage for one of the acts & instead of walking out with a 40K severance cheque at 12pm, was handed a P45 at 11.40 & escorted from the premises with only his normal wages.

    I wouldn't have fancied explaining that one on arriving home.

  19. Be Lucky

    Could have been fun - Hash browns ?.....

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If it wasnt

    Picolax, it wasn't worth the effort!!!

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