back to article German IKEA trip fracas assembles over trolley right of way

Weekend shoppers can now add trolley rage to the list of reasons to avoid their local IKEA store after an altercation in southeastern Germany ended up with a visit to hospital. The fracas in Eching, on the outskirts of Munich, reported in Bavarian local papers Echinger Zeitung and Merkur began with an argument over which …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    For my sins in life the Devil will sentence me to an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea.

    1. richardcox13

      > an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea.

      I'm sure the devil can do better.

      Perhaps an eternity of knowing there is a way out if only you just reach it in time. But you never do. And items keep falling off your trolley.

    2. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Eternal sentence

      My fear is that I will have to spend the afterlife in a bog-standard chain-decorated coffee shop packed full of vacuous jabbering idiots, using a flaky 1993 laptop to connect to a shoddy wi-fi hotspot and forced to read YouTube comments forever.

      After ten minutes of that I will be begging for the red-hot trident. I can't stand the smell of coffee.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Eternal sentence

        is the laptop is running Windows ME/Vista that it clearly wasn't designed for and you have to find the drivers on said crappy wi-fi before you can begin reading the you tube comments?

      2. heyrick Silver badge

        Re: Eternal sentence

        I could cope with the idiots. I could cope with the flakey WiFi (when I was young, V.23 was a thing). As a tea drinker, I could even cope with bad coffee.

        But this...

        "forced to read YouTube comments forever"

        ...is beyond cruel.

    3. Anonymous Blowhard

      "For my sins in life the Devil will sentence me to an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea."

      And an eternity assembling things, only to find a key component is missing...

      (Hjell is their new range of flat-packed flaming pits)

      1. Wyrdness

        Just to be utterly and pointlessly pedantic, shouldn't that actually be Hel not Hjell? Hel being the Scandinavian goddess who somehow gave her name to the fiery pits of Christian mythology.

        However, I do get your point and I can imagine the flaming pits of whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it being ablaze with flat-packed bookcases and other quality MDF items.

        1. Def Silver badge
          Coat

          Hel being the Scandinavian goddess...

          And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?

          1. LDS Silver badge
            Paris Hilton

            And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?

            Maybe she's too hot, I mean, really too hot, something alike 2500+ °K?

            1. Casca

              Re: And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?

              Ah, no. The Scandinavian Hel is Cold, ice Cold. :)

              1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

                Re: The Scandinavian Hel is Cold, ice Cold

                No, the beer is ice cold in Alex.

                1. TheOldGuy

                  Ice cold in Alex

                  Classic film. Probably the best beer ad in the world.

            2. lglethal Silver badge
              Trollface

              Re: And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?

              "Maybe she's too hot, I mean, really too hot, something alike 2500+ °K?"

              Would that count as going out with a bang?

          2. Fungus Bob Silver badge
            Trollface

            "And spending an eternity in Hel would be a bad thing because?"

            Because of her fiery pit...

        2. earl grey Silver badge
          Facepalm

          "quality MDF items"

          unpossible.

      2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: Wandering around Ikea

        For my sins in life the Devil will sentence me to an eternity of forever shopping around Ikea.

        Think of it the easy way out. The hard way would be to spend an eternity trapped inside an Amazon Warehouse.

      3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Happy

        "And an eternity assembling things, only to find a key component is missing..."

        Oddly, that was part of the plot of a Big Finish Dr Who audio book I just listened to last week. Mel and the Doctor had to recover a number of "treasures", one of which was the "perfect" self assembly shelf which Mel and her pal had to assemble, but the parts kept slipping in and out of an alternate dimension, even after being assembled.

    4. The Boojum

      In the modern version of Dante's Divine Comedy, one of the circles of Hell is an Ikea car park on a Sunday afternoon.

  2. peterm3
    WTF?

    German shoppers can get quite aggressive. In my local Aldi if there is a long queue the customers start shouting "open another checkout" which is not very polite if you aren't used to it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Long queues are a feature of my local Aldi. Perhaps we should all shout "open another checkout".

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Perhaps Aldi are trying to cut yet more corners by encouraging shoppers to step forward and man more checkouts themselves.

        1. Alterhase

          Re: "Open another queue"

          >>> Perhaps Aldi are trying to cut yet more corners by encouraging shoppers to step forward and man more checkouts themselves.

          Aldi is behind the times -- many Safeway grocery stores in our area have "self-checkouts" where you get to scan the items yourself and then wait several minutes for a store clerk to come over to reset the terminal when something goes wrong, as happens in about half the cases....

          Ahh, progess!

    2. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Don't have the Aldi rice pudding

      There are several near me (and about as many Asda),

      Why anyone would suffer long queues in Aldi if there's an alternative is beyond me, especially after trying the rice pudding *

      * label scarily close to the label of a quality tinned custard product, but is actually filled with a milky substance with about a half handful of rice - should actually be labelled 'milky soup'.

    3. MJB7 Bronze badge

      Re: "Open another queue"

      Good lord! We don't get that sort of behaviour in Baden; they're a friendly lot here. Bavaria on the other hand ...

      1. anothercynic Silver badge

        Re: "Open another queue"

        Baden is special. Very special. ;-)

        Niemand versteht euch.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Open another queue"

          "Baden is special"

          ... not really, they named New York twice as well.

  3. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge

    Did one of the combatants say

    "For you, ze shopping trip is over..." ?

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Cooler, 3 veeks.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Go

        >Cooler, 3 veeks.

        Ikealag 17, vere zere is no possibility of escape......

        1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

          I think I'll be able to fashion a wooden exercise horse out of the flat packs.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Don't mention the war(drobe)!

  4. Ochib

    http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3008

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re: www.scp-wiki.net

      Interesting site ........ worth a peruse later !!!

      From quick glance some sort of spin-off from a game ???

  5. Pete 2 Silver badge

    Smiles in the aisles

    Two of the most tedious "sports" in the world are cycling and motor racing. Watching the competitors going round ..... and round ....... and round ..... and round a circuit. Sometimes for hours on end.

    However if IKEA was ever given the commission to design the routes, then these "sports¹ " might actually provide some entertainment.

    [1] the quote marks are meant to indicate that they aren't really sports, since so much of the result of the race is determined by the technology employed (and by extension: the amount of money spent). IMHO a proper sport would pit person against person or team against team, where the only differentiators were their individual/group skills and their level of physical fitness. That isn't to deny that these competitors have physical fitness and skill - just to point out that these attributes alone are only small factors in determining who wins.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Smiles in the aisles

      So watching a bunch of overpaid prima donna's push a pig's bladder round a patch of grass is considered sport then?

      1. PNGuinn
        Holmes

        Re: Smiles in the aisles

        So watching a bunch of overpaid prima donna's push a plastic pig's bladder round a patch of artificial grass is considered sport then?

        FIFY.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Smiles in the aisles

        "So watching a bunch of overpaid prima donna's push a pig's bladder round a patch of grass is considered sport then?"

        That I might watch if it was real 'Prima Donna's' and a real 'Pig's Bladder' !!!!

        Its 'Football' that I generally cannot stand :)

        More and more the team with the most money wins.

        Most sports seem to be heading that way.

    2. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Smiles in the aisles

      Don't understand the down votes.

      Real sport should go back to the original olympics, when all competitors were naked (no women allowed to watch). Just Man against Man, testing natural ability.

      Although I'm not too sure about naked Sumo. Mind-bleach time.

      1. LDS Silver badge

        Re: Smiles in the aisles

        AFAIK, only *married* women were not allowed to attend... and there were competitions for women as well (not naked, AFAIK again).

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Smiles in the aisles

        "Don't understand the down votes."

        Well last time I looked, things like the Tour de France or the World Rally championships, didn't go round and round and round and round.

        Ahh by "Cycling" and "Motorsport" you mean velodrome events and the likes of F1.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "things like the Tour de France"

          Ehm, do you know what "Tour", "Giro", "Vuelta" mean?

        2. Stoneshop Silver badge

          Re: Smiles in the aisles

          Well last time I looked, things like the Tour de France or the World Rally championships, didn't go round and round and round and round.

          Actually, the Tour de France did, initially. Just one lap, but they ended where they started.

          One participant in the Iron Butt Rally, a motorcycle endurance event over eleven days and involving checkpoints roughly at the four corners of the continental US, asked on finishing "How many laps was this thing again?"

        3. PNGuinn
          Trollface

          Re: "Don't understand the down votes."

          Ahh by "Cycling" and "Motorsport" you mean velodrome events and the likes of F1.

          Look on the bright side. At least that keeps them and the spectators from blocking up the roads and footways / verges.

    3. anothercynic Silver badge

      Re: Smiles in the aisles

      @Pete 2, well, at least they're *races*, not *games*.

      *says the one who prefers races over games*

      ;-)

    4. DJO Silver badge

      Re: Smiles in the aisles

      For all those who think F1 is easy and say "anybody could win in the Merc".

      Around the UK there are a few F1 simulators open to the public for "racing" sessions. While they might not replicate the experience 100% they are pretty close*.

      Have a go on one of them and then tell me driving a F1 car is easy.

      * Much much easier, no 200 settings on the steering wheel, automatic gears (optional), no tyre wear, etc, etc...

    5. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

      Boring spectator sports

      "Watching the competitors going round ..... and round ....... and round ..... and round a circuit."

      Ice speed skating.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Smiles in the aisles

      ”[1] the quote marks are meant to indicate that they aren't really sports, since so much of the result of the race is determined by the technology”

      Undoubtedly, you have never tried neither of the sports you mention, let alone practiced them. Still, you boldly comment on them knowingly and intentionally insult people training hard to accomplish something far beyond your aptitude.

      Well done, sir!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I had the pleasure of installing a Telecom system into their contact centre in Peterborough. They'd given us a test login to their phone system and I sat there testing next to all the other workers. The phone screen kept flashing so I kept hitting the hang up button, little did I know that they'd forgotten to take off the inbound call skill for customer calls and I was cutting of people phoning in.

    Only reason I did know was that I answered a call thinking it was a test call and found a customer on the other end. Managed to get them transferred to an agent and then logged out rapidly. I've no idea how many people I hung up on..

    1. PNGuinn
      FAIL

      "Only reason I did know was that I answered a call thinking it was a test call and found a customer on the other end. Managed to get them transferred to an agent and then logged out rapidly. I've no idea how many people I hung up on.."

      Not nearly enough. Have you no conscience?

  7. Identity
    Mushroom

    Probably not something you'd want

    At my "local" IKEA (±2 hours away), they will already do the 'picking' for you: $98 for a $12 folding chair. Imagine if you had to pay for your portion of the AI tech on top of that! And then, if you want it shipped to you...

  8. IsJustabloke Silver badge
    Meh

    Ikea trip rules...

    1) Always know what you want to buy and check it's in stock.

    2) Always locate the item before entering the shop

    3) go late in the day.... I find if I arrive at mine about 7.30/8.00 pm it's alright

    4) Never go all the way round the shop, learn the shortcuts

    5) never go at the weekend

    6) never take anyone with you

    I've got Ikea shopping down to a fine art; my PB is 65 minutes door to door

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Ikea trip rules...

      I've got Ikea shopping down to a fine art; my PB is 65 minutes door to door

      For values of 'fine art' that are roughly at 'Bob Ross' level.

      I think mine is about 15, but I've never bothered to look at my watch. Even with dinner at the restaurant it's still under an hour easily.

    2. My other car WAS an IAV Stryker
      Thumb Up

      Re: Ikea trip rules...

      I shopped Ikea ONCE and I hit every item on that list!

      Although I went around 4:30, just after a visit to a supplier up the road. It was my only excuse for being on that side of the metro area. They may open an Ikea near me but can't force me to go.

      (The bench I bought is still lovely and functional. Not used often but still serves its purpose and then some.)

      1. ravenviz
        Joke

        Re: Ikea trip rules...

        I only go for the free pencils, and they're really easy to find.

    3. John H Woods Silver badge

      Re: Ikea trip rules...

      Learn the shortcuts!

      +1

      Look for doors that look like they're missing a staff only sign!

      1. Steve Carr

        Re: Ikea trip rules...

        Or in the Coventry store head through the doors marked shortcut to [Random department]

    4. Tromos

      Re: Ikea trip rules...

      I've managed to get a bedside cabinet flatpack in under 15 minutes total. Checked stock and location beforehand. The huge timesaver though was entering the shop via the exit doors. Miss all the displays, go straight to where the goods are.

    5. DiViDeD Silver badge

      Re: Ikea trip rules...

      .... and

      7. When you're ready to get in the car and drive to IKEA, go to the pub instead.

      There, FTFY

    6. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Ikea trip rules...

      "4) Never go all the way round the shop, learn the shortcuts"

      And there's the problem. If you need to do that then they don't really want you there.

      1. Stoneshop Silver badge
        Go

        Re: Ikea trip rules...

        If you need to do that then they don't really want you there.

        Still, they offer those shortcuts and show them on their floor plans.

    7. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Ikea trip rules...

      "I've got Ikea shopping down to a fine art; my PB is 65 minutes door to door"

      So, you know exactly what you want, precisely where it's located and it *STILL* takes over an hour to purchase from start to finish? There's something seriously wrong about IKEA and the people who shop there!

  9. Nunyabiznes

    Walmart

    I had no idea that German IKEAs were like American Walmarts. The more you know...

  10. Zimmer
    Happy

    Lancashire Hotpots ...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMhywI7ZznI

    My favourite....

  11. TrumpSlurp the Troll Silver badge
    Windows

    Ikea love/hate

    I like Ikea because the products are generally innovative and cheap (sometimes both) and there are the occasional timeless gems like the Poang chair.

    However the aisles where you go to load up the goods are a bit of a nightmare.

    As for checking that the item is in stock, unless there are large numbers on the shelves or you live next door then there is no guarantee your item will still be there. Granted that you can be pretty sure of a wasted trip if the item isn't in stock.

    I recall making the 2 hour drive to our nearest Ikea and managing to get the last flat pack off the shelf. Then a woman arrived looking for the same thing. Empty shelf. Me with item on my trolley. "I've driven nearly two hours to get this." she said, with a sort of hopeful expectation that this big strong man (I lie a lot) would take pity on this poor helpless woman. In this instance her expectations were, sadly, not met. Especially as I was irritated by the assumption that my time was worth far less than hers.

  12. Peconet57

    Bring it ON! Robot Punch ups.

    I will like to see the day when Robots get our shopping and then have a Punch up over right of way, I can see it now, "Oi out of my way you tin can of beans" , all the while bits of bolts and nuts go flying while the Robots beat the hell out of each other. Bring it ON!

    1. PNGuinn
      Go

      Re: Bring it ON! Robot Punch ups.

      More like "Ow! you've just hit all the diodes down my right side. I'm so depressed."

    2. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Bring it ON! Robot Punch ups.

      There will be a need for Refbots at supermarkets and any other stores where such encounters can be expected to take place. Plus violence-resistant shelving, clean-up Dozerbots and trash pits.

      Maybe we can run televised competitions even.

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