back to article Texas residents start naming adopted drains

The good folk of Houston, Texas have started naming their adopted drains, as part of a community project seeking sponsorship of the city's water discharge system. Monickers so far have included "Masshole", "It's Draining Men" and "Sir Drains a Lot", according to the Houston Chronicle. The city's Adopt-A-Drain Program was …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Trump should get one and call it swamp drain, it won't need cleaning because it'll never get used.

    1. kain preacher Silver badge

      Hey this is the reg we do not tolerate partisan bullshit. In fact politics has no place on this site. Now behave and stop being racist to orange Americans .

    2. WolfFan Silver badge

      Please don't mention the Orangeutaun. Some of us will be going to lunch shortly, and that puts us right off.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Thumb Up

        Tut tut

        WolfFan, I do understand you have visceral feelings against the man, but if you're going to criticize him, you would better maintain your credibility (among intelligent people) by using his right name and title:

        United States President Donald J. Trump

        Sorry if that puts you off your feed...

        1. Martin-73 Silver badge

          Re: Tut tut

          Intelligent people hate the orange cheeto. His voter base on the other hand ...

          1. Cederic Bronze badge

            Re: Tut tut

            Am I allowed to find it ironic that so many people that profess to hate Trump both blame his alleged racism then refer disparagingly to his skin colour?

            1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

              Re: Tut tut

              Am I allowed to find it ironic that so many people that profess to hate Trump both blame his alleged racism then refer disparagingly to his skin colour?

              Sure. You're allowed to find anything ironic. For that matter, anything with non-zero information content is ironic, by definition.1

              In their defense, though, I'll point out that Trump's complexion is apparently a matter of choice, and many would argue it could fairly be ridiculed as such.

              More importantly, racism is not a matter of skin color - that's simply one of the registers in which it's enacted. People are very capable of being racist without resorting to differences in skin color, and racist practices that are popularly imagined to be associated with skin color often prove to have only the most tenuous association with it - for example "one drop" or other blood-quantum rules.

              1Irony is the trope of a violation of expectation. (That's what makes it the "master trope"; all other tropes, and indeed all other meaningful use of language, are just specific variants of irony.) You'll note that "violation of expectation" == "surprise" == Shannon's informal definition of information entropy, which follows from his formal definition: the amount of information in a message is equal to its improbability, which is equal to its discrepancy from the recipient's expectation, which is equivalent to surprise. Information is irony; irony is information.

        2. WolfFan Silver badge

          Re: Tut tut

          I hereby apologise to all orangutans who might have felt insulted by being unfairly compared to the Mango Maniac. No disrespect was intended to you lot. DumpsterFire, now, it's not possible to show the level of disrespect due to him. Except, perhaps, that he has ensured that G. W. Bush can no longer be considered the worst president, or even the worst Republican president, of the US in the 21st century. I really wish that we had Shrub Jr. back. Hell, Golden Shower Lad makes Slick Willy Clinton look good, and that takes talent. At least Slick Willy kept his adventures with interns inside the White House, instead of doing watersports with whores in deepest Russia the way that Friend of Kiddie Fiddlers did. And Slick doesn't have small hands, though the presidential todger is kinda bent. I suspect that Hill may have had something to do with that, she's got more iron in her handbag than Maggie Thatcher and probably Galtieried poor Slick. The Trumpanzee (no insult meant to chimps) had better watch out, Hill might have a word or two with Melania.

          1. Cederic Bronze badge

            Re: Tut tut

            Shrug, I'm not the person that says comparing people with certain skin hues to great apes is racist. Apologise to them, not me.

  2. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    Participants are asked to keep their drain clear of leaves and rubbish by cleaning it at least four times a year (especially before it rains), clean 10 feet on both sides of the drain, and compost or dispose of leaves and rubbish.

    And they used to laugh at the communist countries and their "neighbourhood obligations".

    1. ArrZarr Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Nah, this is capitalism in action:

      Cost - Keep a drain clean

      Service - You get to name it

    2. DougS Silver badge

      Well someone has to do it. Either they raise your taxes so the city can send someone round to check them all regularly, or they depend on the people living close to the drain who will be negatively affected if it backs up.

      Giving them naming rights is presumably to confer a sense of 'ownership' making them more likely to actually do it, instead of ignoring it until the drain backs up and then calling the city in a panic because the street and half their front yard is flooded during a downpour.

      1. W.S.Gosset Bronze badge

        re "communist"

        Purest AngloSaxon culture, continued, actually. Wherein community membership connotates community responsibilities. Goes back to the "dark" ages at least.

        To "cry havoc", for example, is now just a semi-poetic cliche but used to be a formal term, and also a formal legal requirement for English yeomen and fourmen (my joke -- now spelled foreman but villages were required to appoint one foreman per 4-5 men, who then had various legal duties to the community and authority over those men to action them).

        Current North American example: I've been told by several yanks that most yanks are required by law to clear the snow from the footpaths outside the houses. Communism! Or community contribution.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      And they used to laugh at the communist countries and their "neighbourhood obligations"

      Communist countries? This is straight out of the middle ages. E.g. Wakefield manorial court Oct 3rd 1433: " James Norres <8d> and John Thomson did not scour defective ditches at Norreskerr so were pained 12d"

  3. Wiltshire

    It only the UK Environment Agency had thought of that in 2014. They could have had their waterways kept clear *and* reduced the damage they contributed to by (a) not dredging and (b) keeping water flow gates closed

  4. James 51 Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Is this not anarchy in the USA? Private citizens acting to usurp what should be the duty and authority of the state? First they got us to clean the drains…

    1. ravenviz
      Thumb Up

      I'd call it a sense of community.

    2. Rich 11 Silver badge

      No, it's just Texas. Private citizens are supposed to do everything for themselves rather than contribute a couple of bucks a month each to some goddam socialist city drain-clearing squad. Next time the city floods, it'll be the fault of the people who get flooded for not cleaning their drains or not being able to afford to buy a geographically-advantageous house.

      1. James 51 Silver badge

        Unless they're unemployed, the economic value of the time taken to do it probably far exceeds the cost of banding together and getting it done by organised professionals. Of course that ignores the activity's value as a virtue signal.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Of course that ignores the activity's value as a virtue signal.

          ... and now apparently the only way to /not/ be accused of "virtue signalling" is to do nothing virtuous or helpful whatsoever.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Of course that ignores the activity's value as a virtue signal.

            Avoiding virtue signaling is a two step process:

            1. Do something virtuous or helpfull

            2. Now shut up about it

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: 2. Now shut up about it

              Good advice, that. Does it also apply to people who tend to make unprompted remarks about "virtue signalling" as well?

          2. James 51 Silver badge

            Re: Of course that ignores the activity's value as a virtue signal.

            @AC The UK learned a lot of lessons from Victorian era philanthropy. Namely that piecemeal, unorganised efforts no matter how well meant or rich the backers cannot meet the needs of a society without a safety net. Cleaning the drains is a symptom of a system that is struggling to cope. This kind of effort will help but it's a symptom of a larger problem.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        No, it's just Texas.

        So what calibre are these drains, and has no Texan come up with a 'creative' way to clear them, yet?

        1. Chris G Silver badge

          "a 'creative' way to clear them, yet?"

          Some hints and tips here; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOwven0Rt94

          Suggested names:

          Soul Drain

          Drain to Skaville

          Don't drain on my parade.

          Didn't it drain courtesy Sister Rosetta Tharpe Manchester '64 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnAQATKRBN0

  5. msknight Silver badge

    Drain today, gone tomorrow.

    "Drain... I'm gonna live forever..."

    Drain on the finances

    1. Locky Silver badge
      Coat

      Stormy Drainels

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        The Brain Drain

        Or, if somebody adopts more than 1, they could be The Man With Two Drains.

        1. ArrZarr Silver badge
          Coat

          You could argue that the water flowing down the pipes is "Singing in the drain" as it makes it's water based noises.

          1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge
            Coat

            How about Johnson?

            Seeing as these are the people's drains...

        2. Stoneshop Silver badge

          Or, if somebody adopts more than 1, they could be The Man With Two Drains.

          Would that be Arthur 'Twodrains' Jackson?

        3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Or, if somebody adopts more than 1, they could be The Man With Two Drains.

          Or Willetts?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @ Locky

        That one was in the article....

        1. Locky Silver badge

          Re: @ Locky

          Completly missed that, there was me thinking I was being all satirical and everything...

  6. chivo243 Silver badge
    Trollface

    Community in Action!

    Just like the penis pothole people!

    1. Dr_N Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Community in Action!

      Adopt-a-pothole would work well in the UK.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Community in Action!

        There's not enough people.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Community in Action!

      "Just like the penis pothole people!"

      Not really - they are saying "I want to tell someone else to sort this out for me" rather than "I can sort out something to help everyone"

      1. James 51 Silver badge

        Re: Community in Action!

        @AC RE the potholes, it probably takes a permit to start fiddling with the road, there are standards that are supposed to be followed and you could be liable if it isn't done correctly.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          Re: Community in Action!

          "RE the potholes ... there are standards that are supposed to be followed"

          Councils are pretty efficient at providing British Standard Potholes.

  7. mark l 2 Silver badge
    Joke

    I am surprised there isn't a Drainy McDrain face.

    1. ravenviz
    2. Slef

      If you read the fecking article ..............................Try the penultimate (near the end) paragraph!

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I remember hearing a joke about a visitor to Texas who, seeing the size of the drains, asked a local if they got a lot of rain. The reply was "about 12 inches a year" to which the visitor commented that didn't seem a lot only to be told "well it is on the day it rains"

    1. anothercynic Silver badge

      About the size of drains...

      ... There was a recent discussion amongst my friends about this. One lives in Colorado, and people commented on the drains and the design of the gutters. Lo and behold, it rained the other day and said friend posted a picture with the comment "this is why they are designed the way they are" which clarified things significantly.

      1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: About the size of drains...

        One lives in Colorado, and people commented on the drains and the design of the gutters. Lo and behold, it rained the other day and said friend posted a picture with the comment "this is why they are designed the way they are" which clarified things significantly.

        Yes. That's also why they tell people who are hiking in the Southwest to stay out of the arroyos during the rainy season. According to some estimates there are close to a hundred deaths due to flash-flooding each year in the US. Certainly there are always a few reported every year in the area where the Mountain Fastness is located.

        Apropos the article, around there we also have a community drains program. Of course they're called acequias and the program has been in place since the 17th century,1 which isn't long compared to similar in Europe and Asia but pretty good for the US. Nice that Houston's catching on.

        1The deed for the land the Mountain Fastness sits on goes back to a letter of patent from the king of Spain, granting a certain tract in "the Ultramarine Colony of New Mexico". I always find it more brownish, myself.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      well it is on the day it rains

      Well, that's more the Metroplex (Dallas-Fort Worth area) and north Texas.

      In Houston, it seems to be every summer afternoon after 5PM [Like New Orleans].

      In central Texas it rains in "spring" and "autumn" [we use those words, though the reality is more like "summer" and "not summer"]

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I've been in the summer mid-afternoon rainstorms along the Mississippi coast many times. You can set your watch by them! They don't last too long but wow, the volume is something to behold. "Frog strangler" comes to mind.

  9. wolfetone Silver badge

    For every drain that gets named after Trump, there'll be equal ones named after Hilary Clinton. Which is fair, as both of them are full of shit.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Which is fair, as both of them are full of shit.

      Storm drains, not sewerage drains. Unless you got cousin Eddie from American Lampoon Christmas Vacation visiting for Xmas.

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        If you don't mind, Voland I'd like to see if I can fumigate this here comment. It's a good quality item.

  10. DNTP

    The Fred Durst Waterway Mangement Research Institute

    Just continuing the trend of naming stuff that matters after this dude.

  11. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  12. Alistair Silver badge
    Windows

    up here, in late winter and early spring.

    We just clear the damn things so we don't have to skate down the street.

  13. anothercynic Silver badge

    Scary...

    ... Some of the drains are marked with Bad-dragon.com. Do *NOT* click that... It's not work safe.

    1. Steve Knox

      Re: Scary...

      "Some"? Based on the numbering scheme, at least 260! This company, whatever it is, seems to have a predilection for big, wet holes!

      As for names, how about

      "a hole in the road where the rain goes out"

      or

      "Spout! Spout! Let it all out!"

      It remains to be seen how many of these adopters will actually do the work to merit the name. In other words I wonder -- still I wonder -- who'll swab their drains?

    2. Suricou Raven

      Re: Scary...

      Quite a lot of them are named for bad-dragon.com. That is some impressive trolling work. Someone is messing with Texas. I'd have liked a little more creativity though - why not name some after fchan, or e621?

      Realistically, though, I'd expect half these drains to end up named after either websites or local businesses looking for cheap promotion. And about one in ten of those will actually clear their drain up.

      Because the scheme is stupid. It's a very transparent by the effort to 1. Reduce essential maintenance budgets, because taxation is for communists. 2. Foist the responsibility off onto volunteers who can then be blamed for any roads that become impassible due to blocked trains.

      1. Suricou Raven

        Re: Scary...

        I notice the site no longer displays the names of drains. Probably because the bad dragon issue.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't think I'd want to adopt a drain. I mean, it's OK at first, but it's going to be uncomfortable in 18 years time when I have to tell the drain that I'm not his real father.

    1. ravenviz

      I imagine s/he'd feel guttered.

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        That pun was draining.

  15. Sceptic Tank
    Big Brother

    South Africa Drain

    Maybe someone can adopt one of 'em sewers and call it "South Africa" because this place landed in the gutter a long time ago. We're circling the drain as a country, as it were.

  16. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge

    Purple Drain,

    Drainy night in Dallas

    It might as well Drain until September

    I can see clearly now the Drain has gone

    Walking in the Drain

    Famous Blue Draincoat

    I have seen the Drain

    It's Draining Men

    It never Drains in Southern Texas

    One Drainy wish

    Only happy when it Drains

    Over the Drainbow

    ................................

    1. ravenviz
      Coat

      Michael Draine in Wet Carter.

      I'll get my draincoat.

    2. Suricou Raven

      Source Gate.

      Hobo's Subway.

      Temporary Flume.

      Or, this being Texas,

      The South will Rise A Drain!

    3. Stoneshop Silver badge

      Re: Purple Drain

      The Drain Song (Led Zeppelin)

      Back on the Drain Gang (Pretenders)

      Drain Damage (Pink Floyd)

      Drain King (Sonic Youth)

      Ocean Drain (Echo & Bunnymen)

      Drain of J. (Pearl Jam)

      and from another category:

      Billion Dollar Drain (Len Deighton)

    4. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      I Bless the Drains Down in Africa

      The Drain, It Draineth Every Day

      Though since this is Texas, it'd be hard to resist simply naming it "Dwayne".

  17. Jay Lenovo Silver badge

    Lonestar style

    Texas Hold'em Flop-n-Turn River

  18. Eddy Ito Silver badge

    My Fair Drainy

    The rain in Spain stays mainly in the drain

  19. JassMan Silver badge

    Let the Drain take the strain

    Brain Drain

    Total drain crash

  20. Fungus Bob Silver badge

    I'm surprised nobody suggested

    Alligator habitat

  21. Carl Pearson
    Joke

    Mom, it followed me home ... can I keep it?

    Houston lies a little over 100 kilometers inland from from the Gulf of Mexico, via a series of connected waterways.

    When I was living there In the mid-90's, a Manatee managed to swim all the way to Braes Bayou, just west of downtown.

    It stayed there for about a week, resulting in many local television new reports.

    Though I don't recall if anyone determined its gender, by consensus, we naturally named it "Hugh".

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