Perhaps they should have got one before attempting to move system
Little Johnny from down the road may have said it wasn't a problem but clearly in hind sight you must agree it actually was
An exciting job advert has mysteriously appeared that is seeking a techie to head up infrastructure at TSB, just days after the bank's monumental and ongoing IT cockup began. The Register has asked TSB what the recruitment means for current infrastructure head Damon Yates, who is still listed as holding the role on LinkedIn – …
...like a shot. Think about it -- it's a dream job!
Everyone knows you're inheriting a catastrophic mess, so you can't be blamed if it takes a long time to get back up and running. Long term fixes will be long term so will take several years before any real perspective or assessment can be made of them. Because of the poison chalice aspect, the successful candidate will be paid what accountants and Kurtan off This Country would call an absolute fuckton of wedge. The taker will have a clean slate to start from scratch to build a replacement org and systems architecture however she or he likes. Three years at £500k+ plus bonuses... cash out before anything YOU'VE done gets the chance to melt down or blow up... kerCHING! And off to the beach, golf course or pub for your retirement. Or monetise your rep as the steely-eyed professional who tamed a carnival of fail by getting on the non-exec circuit, maybe on the Board of some industry bodies, make the occasional intervention in public affairs, guests spot on HIGNFY,.. OK I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here but YKWIM.
Barge pole meet job, no touching though.
Why not? The last guy and everybody on the implementation team gets the blame for everything (along with Pester), IBM Global Buggerups have already been commissioned to sort it out and will also blame the previous team when they fail, and the clowns at Sabadelli will have to keep throwing whatever it costs in to fix it, because otherwise they'll have their banking licence suspended.
Admittedly you'll have to tell your relatives that you're playing the piano in a brothel, but otherwise this looks like a dream job - things so bad they should soon start to at least bottom out, a limitless budget, and consultants with a track record of failure on simple jobs who can be blamed for the next round of bungling failure.
Why does portal make me think of defenestration?
Well - portal usually has connotations of "door". As in, "don't let the door hit you on the butt on your way out. A box that we've thrown your stuff into will be dropped off later".
 From the 30th floor. Directly above the "Out" door..
The point of Linkedin? Simples ... Any applicant who references them, in any way, is not hired. I've actually had paper resumes/c.v.s cross my desk that included the phrase "See my Linkedin profile" with link. This is a relatively new addition to my filters for special filing in the shredder.
Other filters include bad spelling and grammar, incorrect CAPS and punctuation, h4x0r 5p34K, .txt shorthand, use of colo(u)red ink, ransom-note fonts, including pictures, logos & monograms, .DOC files attached to email, poor layout, and pretty much anything else that distracts from the facts.
Free hint: If you value your resume/c.v., have it proofread by several people who aren't brown nosers before you actually use it. I may be critical, but even I know that I can't proof my own work!
Before TSB entered its week of computer chaos, it could have done with some advice from a man once described as an “integration guru” in a national newspaper.
That man led the integration of Bradford & Bingley with Abbey and Alliance & Leicester a few years ago, including migrating thousands of customers to a single computer system.
Indeed the "guru" presumably learned some lessons from what was a pretty challenging experience, prompting years of customer complaints.
Who was he? Step forward Paul Pester, current chief executive at TSB who has been criticised for fumbling the ball over this week's IT disaster.
'..I mean say you lost over £4m of research data, for example... 6 months paid vacation'
Hmm, maybe the same place I once worked?, where one IT person on a short term contract who was responsible for wiping out several years worth of research (backups? we don't need no steenkin' backup......oh, wait...) eventually got a full-time job there paying more money out of it by playing the 'poor poor me, diversity, diversity, diversity' card. Admittedly, they were deployed in an area where they couldn't cause too much further damage of any great consequence, but still, that one still leaves more than a bit of a bitter taste after over a decade.
Fun, fun times...
As I'm at a bit of a loose end these days and as I've sworn off doing any IT jobs, maybe I should apply for this TSB wheeze, after all, I too can wear a suit and bullshit like the best of them (but do find it so, so hard to keep a straight face after the first 10 minutes or so)
It's clearly their corporate culture that's b0rken ... Until that is fixed, no amount of technology, no matter how well applied, will make any difference.
And no, I don't want the job. They are only a bank, they don't have enough money to pay me to fix the clusterfuck.
Apparently the department provides "direction, thought leadership, guidance and subject matter expertise on our IT estate to make sure we get the maximum value from our investment in our IT. We do this by defining our IT strategy and aligning it fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp, fapp. "
But they're gonna have to give me at least £50,000 monthly, after taxes, expenses, fees, and everything else accounting can think up to not pay me, six months in advance, non-refundable, in cash, so that I can deposit it somewhere that they can't get to it. Whassat? They don't wanna pay up? Cool. I'll just kick back at the beach here in Deepest South Florida.
You wonder how long any job in TSB will last?
The Information Commissioner is going to fine you zillions for Information insecurity
The PRA & FCA is going to fine you for being not able to run a Tea Shop never mind a bank
The customer base is going to run away as soon as its able to transfer money
IBM is on the case
The government is on the case
You have to convince the BoE, PRA and FCA that your fit and proper to hold a banking licence
Good luck with that TSB but don't forget the image of Northern Rock customers queued round the block when the bank run started.
The ICO are the very least of their worries. I've had a bit of tangential experience of what happens when the gaze of the FCA's lidless eye drifts over a firm -- must be what the ants feel like when the roof of their nest turns out to be brick someone just turned over. As a bank they'll also have the PRA looking at them. This will cost them a lot more money than just what they spend fixing the current fail.
 (Actually I'm not clear whether people seeing the data from other people's accounts saw the account holders names and addresses -- if it was just account balances or lists of standing orders, etc., arguably it may not be identifiable. Anyone know?
If I cut the name and address and some of the routing info off my paper bank statements* and posted a pic online you'd be hard-pressed to identify me. (OK I suppose you could ask the staff at my local who comes in at 10pm every night with a thousand-yard stare and a monitor tan, then necks two or three pints of Butcombe, but that'd be cheating.)
* yeah people have been giving me funny looks for having a few boxfiles full of bank statements for years. Heh!
Well I can only think of the phrase "human sacrifice" here for the poor sucker who takes the job.
Because it will be his/her job to explain to the powers that be exactly what went wrong.
However because of the timing of the ad , he/she will be able to supply the answer that will satisify the regulators/government.......... "I have since fired the people responsible for it"
Let's face it, you'd have to be astoundingly inept to get even close to the levels of disaster the previous incumbent has produced, and whatever you do cock up could be immediately blamed on "legacy issues" without the slightest doubt. So you're guaranteed to be an improvement. Almost sounds like the ideal job...you'd just maybe insist on keeping your current account somewhere else.
This is the thing when there's a major fuckup..
someone gets made to walk the plank and then nobody else in house wants to step up, so they go looking elsewhere.
you have to think at what sort of person is going to take up this fuckup. Nobody in the right mind is going to take it on, not unless it comes with a massive pay packet and contractual sureties that your job is going to be safe in the long term (5 to 8 years guaranteed). You will also want to be able to sack everyone you feel the need to get rid of in your department... If you demand a pay packet that's way above the industry standard at that level, you might get it in the short term,,, but once everything is fixed up you are gonna need to look for another job. That said, if you have "2018 to 2023, fixed TSB fuck up. Took it from a dying duck to the best banking computer system" is going to be a big gold star and other banks needing a robust system are gonna come calling...
do, Ideal job for someone with not much track record trying to fast track up the ladder.
time to dust off my CV, I got out of IT a while back.... maybe worth a return
So the job posting refers to the position over and over in the first person plural.
Is there a paycheck for each of my personalities? Are they targeting the Borg collective?
Or perhaps their HR department is adhering to the same high standards demonstrated by their IT department?
Got it in One !!!
You know this means that Sabadell will 'parachute' in someone who has climbed the greasy pole in Spain.
They will be paid very well to 'fix' this, with IBM doing all the work* and the new 'Head of Infrastructure' getting the improved CV as a consequence. :)
A win on all sides as far as Sabadell are concerned !!!
*Assumption made, of course, that IBM will fix it but at the Huge rates they are going to charge they could buy in skills and still make a BIG Profit.
Or, rather, already in retirement and considering a challenge. The image that comes to mind here is a certain gent inclined at tilting at windmills. Swaybacked steed, rusted armor, warped lance, you get the idea.
This job is the kind of insane thing I used to jump into willingly.
I wonder if the incoming manager will be handed three envelopes...
The story of three envelopes is a business classic for dysfunctional organizations. It starts with an incoming manager replacing a recently fired outgoing manager. On his way out, the outgoing manager hands the new manager three envelopes and remarks, "when things get tough, open these one at a time."
About three months goes by and things start to get rough. The manager opens his drawer where he keeps the three envelopes and opens #1. It reads: "Blame your predecessor." So he does and it works like a charm.
Another three months passes and things are growing difficult again so the manger figures to try #2. It reads, "reorganize." Again, his predecessor's advice works like magic.
Finally, about nine months into the new job, things are getting really sticky. The manager figures it worked before, why not try again. So he opens the envelope drawer one last time and opens #3. It reads..."prepare three envelopes."
I step forward, I am sure I could do much, much, much better than what has been done so far. When it comes to systems, I am a paranoid pessimist, I live by Murphy's law, am both dedicated and lazy as fuck. Automator is my other handle and I have read up on PRINCE2, know devops, agile and waterfall methodologies and, as any sane person would do, take the best of all these (iow what I have personally experienced as "just works best") PLUS have people management AND product management experience!
I don't normally look at Twitter, but when I followed that link I got:
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I didn't realise it was also run by the TSB IT team.
Considering the monumental balls-up this project appears to have been using services and a software platform that have been reportedly provided by that outfit will anyone really want the job of being a puppet under the control of an organisation that seemingly neither knows nor cares about the reality of running such an operation in the UK?
That hastily removed press release seemed they know nothing at all nor do they care that much.
Fortunately for me my main account isn't with them so I haven't been in the situation some people have with no access to funds and it does appear they have been processing standing orders and DDs but I have to say I am considering moving the account I have as who knows what might happen during the next upgrade/scheduled works.
I've no doubt the UK techs have been working their socks off and are mortified as to what has happeend but it's the ones in Spain who are seemingly in the driving seat these days I have less confidence in.
"the ones in Spain who are seemingly in the driving seat these days"
Are you sure that applies for the last week or two? There's tennis on in Barcelona. Not just any old tennis either, it's Banc Sabadell's Barcelona Open:
I know nothing. Not even where TSB's IT people come from.
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