back to article BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

BOFH logo telephone with devil's horns "I've got two words for you," the Boss says excitedly. "Block Chain!" "That's one word," the PFY shoots back. "Unless you're talking about old fashioned lifting apparatus," I say. "And it's usually said as 'Chain block'. Was that what you were talking about?" "No, I mean the new …

  1. amlendu kumar

    Weight lifting

    What is the weight lifting capacity of blockchain

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Weight lifting

      All of it.

    2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Weight lifting

      What is the weight lifting capacity of blockchain

      African or European?

      1. asphytxtc
        Joke

        Re: Weight lifting

        >> What is the weight lifting capacity of blockchain

        > African or European?

        And would that be in Jub's, KiloJub's or Adult Badgers?

        1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

          Re: Adult Badgers?

          Today I'm more interested in Bionic Beavers.

          If only I had 6 million dollars...

    3. Mycho Silver badge

      Re: Weight lifting

      Does it even lift?

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: Does it even lift?

        Bro

        1. Fungus Bob Silver badge

          Re: Does it even lift?

          It lifts *and* separates!

      2. Alistair Silver badge
        Windows

        Re: Weight lifting

        @mycho:

        in context, dude, that would be "Does it even Lyft?"

    4. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: Weight lifting

      According to REM, who invented block chain - toothpicks,

    5. Blofeld's Cat

      Re: Weight lifting

      "What is the weight lifting capacity of blockchain"

      One, unexpectedly heavy, roll of old carpet?

    6. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Weight lifting

      What is the weight lifting capacity of blockchain

      Obviously... 42

  2. Dave K Silver badge
    Pint

    Familiar...

    "So we're going to fire up blockchain to roll out a non-existent problem in a non-existent project for some untenable result."

    I think that sums up a lot of Blockchain projects with remarkable accuracy!

    1. John Riddoch

      Re: Familiar...

      Surely all this needed was some fake status reports on request when the boss wanted updates? By the time he's wondering why nothing has actually been delivered, the next shiny will have appeared on the horizon to take his attention and you can "shut down" the Blockchain project....

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Familiar...

      I was expecting the BOfH to simply set every server in the datacentre to Bitcoin mining, perhaps after judiciously adding £10,000 of graphics cards to the budget, and then wait until people noticed and complained. Then of course blame the boss's blockchain project.

      1. steelpillow Silver badge

        Re: Familiar...

        "I was expecting the BOfH to simply set every server in the datacentre to Bitcoin mining, perhaps after judiciously adding £10,000 of graphics cards to the budget, and then wait until people noticed and complained. Then of course blame the boss's blockchain project."

        Oh, I think he did that a long time ago. Only he didn't blame the project, he blamed the boss in person. Meet the new boss.

  3. wallyhall

    Unfortunately he hits the nail on the head again.

    I've not worked for many employers, so I'm sure others will have vastly more saddening stories of a similar ilk.

    I'll never forget one particular CIO (because we loved TLAs at that company) who upon joining had to "make his mark". Amongst various bad ideas, I'll never forget as the "most senior IT person" being pulled into a conference call he was on with a large vendor of fantastic hosting support (*ahem*) who's architect was saying words like "multi-master-replication" and "nfs-clustering" etc.

    The CIO, nodding excitedly, kept saying "Yes! It sounds like we need some of that multi-master-replication with nfs-clustering!"

    I'd feel unnecessarily unfair in continuing the story beyond that, except to say it all fairly rapidly disappeared after he left. A small website with perhaps 4-5 concurrent users at peak. Definitely a case of buzzword bingo over technical understanding.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Unfortunately he hits the nail on the head again.

      one particular CIO (because we loved TLAs at that company)

      Some of those people are more deserving of a four-letter-abbreviation - like Supreme Head of Information Technology.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Devil

        Re: Unfortunately he hits the nail on the head again.

        Chief of Un-implementable New Technology...

      2. VanguardG

        Re: Unfortunately he hits the nail on the head again.

        I once tried to get a co-worker's job title changed to Application Support Specialist. I might have snuck it past the boss, who was actually a very good boss, but I got greedy and tried to add "Head of Licensing Enforcement". That made the acronym a little too easy to spot, apparently.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Unfortunately he hits the nail on the head again.

      A CIO at a past company was good at the talk, not the walk. And as the technical and HR issues mounted up, this became increasingly clear to higher management, causing said CIO to come up with increasingly deranged ideas to show that he was on top of things.

      Lots of people leaving due to low morale after too many months of too much crunch? Let's introduce a minimum three-month notice period "to make people feel safer". It's just a coincidence that this makes it harder to find a new job, right?

      Evidence of existing/legacy platforms that need uplifting/replacing? Ignore them in favour of the latest new-shiny.

      Later, when confronted with performance issues as a result of this policy, he insisted that the DBAs go through the database and delete records that are more than X months old. Utterly ineffective as a performance tweak thanks to the fact that the DBAs were generally on top of tuning queries and indexing tables, but it did give him some nice big numbers he could show to higher management...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Unfortunately he hits the nail on the head again.

        "Let's introduce a minimum three-month notice period "to make people feel safer". It's just a coincidence that this makes it harder to find a new job, right?"

        So true. At one company I worked for the top management were about to bring this in. There was general dissatisfaction about the company at local management level, and when tipped off by HR four of us handed in our notice in one week to ensure we didn't get trapped. Including HR, so no heads rolled.

        I did wonder afterwards how the local general manager explained it. "To lose one senior manager is unfortunate...to lose 4 in one week looks like carelessness." But they kept him on. I guess, like Theresa May and Rudd, they really at that point had no alternative.

        1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge

          Re: Unfortunately he hits the nail on the head again.

          @AC - "But they kept him on. I guess, like Theresa May and Rudd, they really at that point had no alternative."

          It is surprising how quickly a comment can look dated. At least it is still half right (tempting fate...)

    3. FeRDNYC

      Re: Unfortunately he hits the nail on the head again.

      I'll never forget one particular CIO (because we loved TLAs at that company)

      DYM,

      "TFW one particular CIO (because TLAs were AOK at that LLC)..."

      FTFY. ...Shit!

  4. ukgnome Silver badge

    Published at 08:36

    It's far too early for such shenanigans - I've had to go on a break until pub o'clock.

    1. FeRDNYC

      Re: Published at 08:36

      Pity us poor Americans — it's only 8:45am now on the east coast, and the other side of the country is still fast asleep.

      1. Nick Kew Silver badge

        Re: Published at 08:36

        Who cares when it's published? I'm reading it at my own choice of time. With a glass of something, and looking forward to a plate of something to accompany it very shortly.

        Are you obsessed with instant gratification the moment an article is published? Bah, humbug.

        1. gotes

          Re: Published at 08:36

          The early bird posts the first comment.

          1. JulieM Bronze badge

            Re: Published at 08:36

            Yes, but the second mouse gets the cheese .....

            1. HelpfulJohn

              Re: Published at 08:36

              "I'm still trying to work out what happened to the first mouse ..."

              1. Nick Kew Silver badge

                Re: Published at 08:36

                "I'm still trying to work out what happened to the first mouse ..."

                The early bird was a seagull in search of breakfast?

              2. John G Imrie Silver badge

                Re: Published at 08:36

                The first mouse gets the tra ... OWWWW!!!

  5. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    New magic beans?

    You had to work on WAP-phones didn't you?

  6. steve-b

    I'm surprised it didn't end with the BOfH saying he has been running a bitcoin mine in the data centre for years so they actually have blockchain at the moment...

    1. DrStrangeLug

      What do you think all those expensive GPU's in executive laptops do while the executives are playing minesweep or solitaire ?

    2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Not sure if they'd still be mining to be honest, ICOs promise much higher returns (for the offerers) for lower investment.

    3. Ken 16 Silver badge

      Cost benefit analysis needed

      Would using the headroom on virtualisation hosts to mine cryptocurrency pay for the increased power usage?

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Cost benefit analysis needed

        "Would using the headroom on virtualisation hosts to mine cryptocurrency pay for the increased power usage?"

        For the BOFH, not for the company.

  7. Simon Ward

    This:

    "Not really - though if you could IoT pet rock I think you'd be getting somewhere. It's the perfect match of useless information about a useless object."

    The best description of the current tech shitegeist that I've read in a long time.

    1. WonkoTheSane
      Pint

      I think "shitegeist" just became my word of the week! Have a --->

  8. Alistair Dabbs

    Blockchain is the new XML

    Bosses at the end of the 1990s would announce that we would be doing everything in future "with XML" and hire a twat on £1200 per day to ponce about analysing the business. Two months later, they would vanish leaving behind a half-written DTD and an irrelevant project statement. The boss would then tell you to finish it off without training or assistance, the budget having been used up.

    1. Laura Kerr

      Re: Blockchain is the new XML

      "hire a twat on £1200 per day"

      Two months = eight weeks = 40 working days.

      40 * 1200 = £48,000.

      Good gig, that. They might have been twats, but they were smart twats.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: Blockchain is the new XML

        And since it was in the '90s, roughly double that figure to account for inflation.

      2. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: Blockchain is the new XML

        A good friend of mine was that twat, in five years he bought a nice house, car and a couple of bikes to play on, still has cash in the bank and now sits back as a permy in a nice lower stress job.

    2. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Blockchain is the new XML

      The boss would then tell you to finish it off without training or assistance

      But if harassed sufficiently, he would eventually agree to shell out £40 for a couple of textbooks (while muttering 'I don't know why someone like you can't find all you need to know on the Internet' under his breath).

      I know this, because I came across those books when I moved office earlier this year. Left the fuckers in the recycling waste.

    3. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Re: Blockchain is the new XML

      Pfft. We've been through a few iterations since XML. Virtualisation and the Cloud, for instance.

      Besides, isn't JSON the new XML? A data format for everything!

      1. Tomato42 Silver badge

        Re: Blockchain is the new XML

        @Nick: At least JSON isn't Turing-complete and you can actually find full-featured parsers of it, unlike the XML where decent parsers can be counted on one hand... after 20 years of existence of the standard.

        1. JulieM Bronze badge

          Re: Blockchain is the new XML

          That's because almost everyone just uses a regular expression match to spot the bits they're interested in. Why walk all the way to the tool shed in the rain to fetch a chisel, when there's a perfectly good screwdriver to hand?

      2. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

        Re: Blockchain is the new XML

        "Besides, isn't JSON the new XML? A data format for everything!"

        And, no doubt, for some consultants it's the Golden Fleece (in both senses of the word).

      3. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Blockchain is the new XML

        I like to embed my JSON in an XML file.

        Just for giggles, I also embed XML in a JSON object to then embed in an XML file, which I then transfer as a torrent.

    4. erikj

      Re: Blockchain is the new XML

      Somehow, I don't think XML was the problem.

  9. Bob Wheeler
    Pint

    Magic Bean Technology

    After 40 years working in IT, coming into work on a Monday morning to see the current boss (for that month) with a soppy grin on his face holding some glossy magazine/brochure.

    MBT has always been the worst thing since sliced bread.

    Are the pubs open yet?

    1. Hot Diggity
      Pint

      Re: Magic Bean Technology

      They are here in Australia. I'll meet you there. What are you having?

      1. muddysteve

        Re: Magic Bean Technology

        "They are here in Australia. I'll meet you there. What are you having?"

        A pint of something cold, please. I may not make it in time, so you had better drink it for me.

  10. Charlie Clark Silver badge
    Go

    Smart buildings

    Smart buildings are the mullet-cut of IT and an indicator of collective obsession.

  11. Laura Kerr

    Missed a trick here

    Well, not quite. The parcel trolley sounds like a Good Thing.

    But a good BOFH could have a ball with a building full of IoT tat. After hardening implementing security, he could have IoT wireless speakers acting as bugs, IoT fridges altering their temperature to cultivate salmonella, IoT copiers pumping out full-colour pron, IoT coffee machines emitting superheated steam while ordering extra supplies for Mission Control's own machine, IoT light switches plunging the room into darkness whenever the Boss opens his clueless yap, IoT heating controls turning room temperatures up to Incinerate and IoT door locks keeping the occupants of that room confined to the oven. Plus an IoT car park shutter that guillotines the Boss' new pride and joy.

    Yup, definite potential.

    1. phuzz Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Missed a trick here

      "IoT copiers"

      Round here we call them "printers".

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Missed a trick here

      Don't forget about the remote start on the Boss's car and carbon monoxide. "Alexa, Start the Boss's BMW."

      At 1 AM while it's parked in his attached garage. Below his bedroom where he's alone, of course.

      Or his fancy remote controlled smoke detectors at a 2 AM: "Alexa, test the smoke detectors. Again."

      1. Robert Helpmann?? Silver badge
        Childcatcher

        Re: Missed a trick here

        Remote car start, smoke detectors... those actually can be useful. To fully embrace the cluster that is IOT, it needs to be more along the lines of the smart light bulbs that double as speaker, microphone and laser turret or the smart toilet that ties into the wireless stereo to provide superb sub-woofer functionality to your wireless whole-house media system along with a seat-based shiatsu massage. Or an IoT pet rock.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Missed a trick here

      "But a good BOFH could have a ball with a building full of IoT tat."

      The BOFH has many of these. It's how he runs things. He just hasn't told the company.

      1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

        Re: Missed a trick here

        The BOFH has many of these. It's how he runs things.

        Indeed and he also understands that attaching an insecure web server to something, which is basically all you need to get an IoT badge, is what other people do.

    4. Jason 24

      Re: Missed a trick here

      "Plus an IoT car park shutter that guillotines the Boss' new pride and joy."

      I'm fairly sure some of the historical ones feature this exact scenario, proving once again that the BOFH is ahead of the curve.

      I vaguely recall one where the car becomes remote piloted and slams into the walls as well... I definitely recall a boss getting a remote piloted wheel chair at least!

      1. Laura Kerr

        Re: Missed a trick here

        "recall a boss getting a remote piloted wheel chair at least!"

        Yes, I remember that. IIRC, he disappeared down a manhole somewhere in Cornwall.

    5. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: Missed a trick here

      I would have thought they could have at least ordered 32 Titans for processing the block chains and then written them off once not required a la BOFH a couple of weeks ago,

  12. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

    Blockchain for sale

    I have a completely unused blockchain if someone wants to make a bid.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Blockchain for sale

      I bid the empty can of Monster on my desk. If you're willing to wait, you can have the filtered contents too.

    2. Stoneshop Silver badge

      Re: Blockchain for sale

      https://hack42.nl/mediawiki/images/8/8b/Smart_Blockchain_Technology_Picture.jpg

    3. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Re: Blockchain for sale

      I'll bid you the bitcoin in my back pocket. It's no use to me: I can just as well use a pound coin for the shopping trolley.

  13. Dr. G. Freeman

    Aw, I was hoping for the Boss was going to be dangling (or dropped) from a real blockchain at the end.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      I was hoping for a blockchain implementation that would improve audit and accountability by making it impossible to delete or alter the browser history and network traffic logs which are tagged by the single-sign on authentication, which oh... now... who's been uploading sensitive corporate documents to a rival's anonymous FTP server whilst simultaneously browsing bestiality and kiddy pron websites... and are those kittens underage??!!!

  14. Mycho Silver badge

    I need one!

    I've got the USB pet rock and now you can get bluetooth ones, how come we don't already have IoT pet rocks?

    You won't need to worry about upgrading the firmware because there won't be any firmware.

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: I need one!

      Lots of rocks are made of silicon right? So can I call this surplus Pentium 4 (2.8GHZ Northwood!) that's sat on my desk a pet rock? It's about as useful.

      1. onefang Silver badge

        Re: I need one!

        "Lots of rocks are made of silicon right? So can I call this surplus Pentium 4 (2.8GHZ Northwood!) that's sat on my desk a pet rock? It's about as useful."

        Only if you feed it regularly, and have it desexed. A Pentium is for life, not just for Christmas.

  15. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    So the new Boss has gone the same way as all his predecessors. Oh well, there'll be another along any time soon.

  16. Alistair Silver badge
    Windows

    Dang it

    I was hoping to find that brass pole outside the window coming into play again. At least the delivery trolley will have something to do before dropping off the BOFH and PFY's 'afternoon' 'tea'.

  17. Ugotta B. Kiddingme
    Pint

    Peak of Inflated Expectations and the Trough of Disillusionment

    Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Thanks for that. Cheers!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Peak of Inflated Expectations and the Trough of Disillusionment

      I hate to burst your bubble .... but that's pure Gartner.

      1. Nick Kew Silver badge

        Re: Peak of Inflated Expectations and the Trough of Disillusionment

        Gartner?

        That's Bunyan! And none the worse for being appropriated by all and sundry.

  18. AstroNutter
    Pint

    You've all missed something.....

    Sure the boss has come up with these MBT "solutions" and there's loads of kits left from shutdown projects. However, a good BOfH will repurpose said kits for other things. Sure, he'll tell the boss that the IoT junk was removed and is now in a storage bin.... but some of that kit will have had potential, will have been repurposed and will now be doing something off the books. a great BOfH will keep such repurposings secret. Bitcoin mining would have been done, he's not going to mention that, it's beer money after all!

  19. Terry 6 Silver badge

    Sorry IT guys you aren't unique in this

    Try working in the world of education. There's a new magical initiative coming round the corner every few weeks. And tossers very important senior people making careers and earning far more than a school head by promoting these magic beans until just before they crash and burn, by which time they've moved on to something else.

    1. FeRDNYC

      Re: Sorry IT guys you aren't unique in this

      Oh, trust me, nobody in IT believes they've invented the corporate fad. At plenty of companies, the management-style-du-jour roller coaster was fucking things up for the entire corporate drone population long before the endless revolving door of educational fads or IT trends swooped in to make knowledge workers' lives more "interesting". Plenty of that crap's been in heavy rotation since the 1980s, if not longer.

      The thing that sets IT trends apart, though, is that they have this tendency to captivate non- IT people. Because IT is everywhere and every company makes use of IT, scenes like the one in this episode are all too common. Some management type catches wind of a new shiny that the company absolutely must be doing, despite not actually having the first clue what it even IS. I mean, that stuff's for the nerds to sort out, right?

      You don't really get much of that, outside of IT. Management styles and trends mostly infect management, and while the workers are definitely the ones who suffer at least whatever nonsense they're enduring is being implemented at the right levels. And whatever educational initiative is in vogue this week, at least you know the people dabbling in it are educators, or involved in the educational system to some degree. You're not going to see the manager of a coffee shop stroll in some morning and announce that they're going to be implementing Mindfulness. Employees at the nearest big-box electronics store aren't likely to receive memos detailing the TV department's new Brain Gyms initiative.

      In IT things like that happen all the time, even within companies that aren't remotely in the IT business. Here in the US recently, a beverage company decided (while in the death throes of failing as a beverage company) that they were going to radically reinvent the company to save it. They changed their name to something absurd involving (you guessed it) blockchain, and then promptly still folded because oddly enough a beverage company isn't well-positioned to make the transition into the exciting world of blockchain. (Plus, I wouldn't be surprised if the one person on staff with any sort of technical know-how resigned on the spot the moment they got wind of that idiot plan.)

  20. GingerOne

    I'm surprised they aren't already using work purchased hardware for mining crypto currently.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "I'm surprised they aren't already using work purchased hardware for mining crypto currently."

      Shhhh. Don't tell.

  21. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

    Isn't there a song, "I love you like a block and chain" or something?

  22. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    "Oh no. I'm going to fire up the self-drive parcel trolley to roll the Boss' wheeley chair out over the edge of the balcony."

    Lovely.

    1. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Hmmm. Office with a balcony? I've worked in all the wrong places.

      1. Allan George Dyer Silver badge
        Paris Hilton

        @Nick Kew - Good news, there's a vacancy, and it's a job for life.

  23. J27

    If my boss told me to do this I'd just set up an Ethereum mining operation in the server room. Why not? It'd be fun.

  24. Rol Silver badge

    Retro Revival

    "What on Earth is this?", the boss yelled, as he stormed into the office clutching a pencil that had a metre of paper tape trailing from it, a paper clip, and then another metre of paper tape trailing from that.

    "It's the result of your demanding we introduce blockchain to our systems"

    "Eh?"

    "The only practical application was in procurement, so they might better track the company's assets"

    "Yes, yes, but that still doesn't explain the tidal wave of bunting that is hanging off of everything I see"

    "Well, to implement blockchain in any meaningful manner, we had to be able to identify each element individually and also encode its entire history into its identifier. And that identifier is printed onto the paper tape. I'll show you. Let me have the pencil."

    "Gladly, here."

    "I'll just run it through the reader and..... and .... hey presto, That pencil was bought from Pencils r Us under the PO number 451225425 on 12/07/16. Authorised by Mrs Simms and delivered on 18/07/16 as part of a consignment of 1000 pencils. It was stored in "goods in" until 30/09/16 until it was...."

    "Yes, yes" the boss wearily interrupted "I see, and what of the other length of paper tape, what's that for?"

    "Well the paper tape is equally an asset and so it too requires a blockchain identifier, which we cleverly managed to incorporate the asset of the paperclip and itself into, to prevent mindless iteration"

    "In what possible sense can we justify this?"

    "Well, seeing as every asset carries its own history we have removed the need to store that information on the servers, however that cost saving is dwarfed by the processor upgrades required to generate the blockchain code"

    As his hunched over form shuffled toward the door I quickly stopped him in his tracks. "Hold on boss, you need this" and I handed him another length of paper tape.

    "What?"

    "It's the new blockchain for the pencil, with the latest status update encoded in"

    As he disappeared down the corridor I turned to smile at the PFY, who was already grinning ear to ear.

    "I think our recently formed company might get dissolved very soon" I knowingly murmured.

    "Yes, Punched Paper Tape r Us seems to have had its day once more, but what a gloriously enriching revival it was."

    "The only question now is, do we put the profits into Bitcoin or a good old fashioned offshore tax haven?"

  25. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Angel

    The value of IoT

    square root of -1

    1. Brian Miller Silver badge

      Re: The value of IoT

      IoT devices have value, when they do something useful. For instance, the IoT keyboard and mouse for the boss, to "enhance productivity."

      "But that didn't come from me!"

      "Yes, it did. You were in your office alone, and that was typed in from your keyboard while you were seated in your chair. Ergo, you typed that."

      "But I didn't type that! Surely, there must be some way to prove that."

      "Yes, the security measures you had us implement can now definitively prove that those words in that email were typed by your keyboard while you were seated at your desk."

    2. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

      Re: The value of IoT

      square root of -1

      Always thought it was divisable by 0

      1. earl grey Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: The value of IoT

        "Always thought it was divisable by 0"

        Everything is divisible by 0. There's naught to think about.

        1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

          Re: The value of IoT- Everything is divisible by 0

          According to the University of Reading Maths Department (I think it was) it is.

          There's a whole literature on how to treat division by 0 in computing, some of which seems to have been read by the developers of Python and Javascript. And taken seriously.

          1. FeRDNYC

            Re: The value of IoT- Everything is divisible by 0

            It's been a squirrely problem since 1985, when the first IEEE 754 Standard for Floating-Point Arithmetic was released, as it was designed around the requirement that every operation have a well-defined result. (Prior to IEEE 754 invalid calculations, including dividing by zero, would simply result in a program crash and for the most part everyone was fine with that.)

            Since the IEEE improved everyone's lives, to quote Wikipedia on divsion by zero:

            The standard supports signed zero, as well as infinity and NaN (not a number). There are two zeroes: +0 (positive zero) and −0 (negative zero) and this removes any ambiguity when dividing. In IEEE 754 arithmetic, a ÷ +0 is positive infinity when a is positive, negative infinity when a is negative, and NaN when a = ±0. The infinity signs change when dividing by −0 instead.

            [...]

            Most calculators will either return an error or state that 1/0 is undefined; however, some TI and HP graphing calculators will evaluate (1/0)² to ∞.

            Microsoft Math and Mathematica return ComplexInfinity for 1/0. Maple and SageMath return an error message for 1/0, and infinity for 1/0.0 (0.0 tells these systems to use floating point arithmetic instead of algebraic arithmetic).

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: The value of IoT

      IoT has value... to the company who made it, to the company who sells it. To everyone else...not so much. But it does look on the report to shareholders that they are on the bleeding edge of IoT. Next year, it will be something else.

  26. Herring`

    Personally, I'm rather surprised that managers are interested in a technology that explicitly prevents you from going back and altering records after the fact. It's almost as if they haven't thought this through.

    Also, what about GDPR? What if you put PII in the blockchain?

  27. The Oncoming Scorn
    Go

    No shiny new 3D TV's in BOFH's & PFY's abodes then?

  28. chivo243 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Love the PFY

    "Yes," the PFY says knowingly, "accidents."

    I can just see the "accidents" replaying across his face with a twisted smile...

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Proof reading?

    Yes, it's a thing.

    Otherwise great.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cryto-mining?

    Seems to me the BOFH and PFY could make a few quid, to be spent across the street at the local pub, by getting corporate to buy mining rigs - to implement block-chain - and setting up a "corporate account", to which only BOFH has the "key".

    Mine cryptocoins, on the corporate dime, at least, until the Boss complains about the cost of power; at which point it might be time for a new Boss, (same as the old Boss [thanks to 'The Who']). :)

  31. Zwuramunga

    Adobe

    Invest in the Adobe Blockchain!

    It takes up 2 TB of hard drive space. Takes 48 hours to install. An always on internet connection to prove you aren't a pirate. And best of all costs $20,000 a year.

    Whats it do? Fuck if Adobe knows!

    1. John H Woods Silver badge

      Re: Adobe

      "Whats it do? Fuck if Adobe knows!"

      We know though ... it lets every miscreant with a web connection pwn your computer

  32. BebopWeBop Silver badge
    Pirate

    The only IoT stuff that showed promise was the self-drive parcel trolley project and you shut that down."

    "It was pretty hard to support after four accidents in the first week," the Boss says.

    So the BOFH got to them first? Plausible deniability....

  33. Celeste Reinard

    Le Maillon Faible

    I always thought that a blockchain was the comment section of your average (or random, if you like) internet magazine, but my sister here in the henhouse Astrid Vixen (not her real name) tells me it's probably a typo, and it should spell cockchain - which, according to me, is maintained far to consistently to be a typo, but indeed way funnier.

  34. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Alert

    Brexit - Irish Border question

    Blockchain is the answer!

  35. bugalugs

    Eh Simon

    Nice ink bro

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