back to article The first rule of maths class: Don't start a fight club

A bored substitute maths teacher from Connecticut has been cuffed for allegedly starting a fight club in his lessons. Ryan Fish, 23 years old, was charged with two counts of risk of injury to minors, four counts of reckless endangerment, and breach of peace for allegedly supervising fights during October 2017. Police were …

  1. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    This world.

    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      Surely in the USA it should have been settled like gentlemen, AR15s at 10 paces

  2. chivo243 Silver badge
    Holmes

    wait a minute?

    I thought the first rule was...

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: wait a minute?

      Don't talk about Maths club?

  3. Roj Blake Silver badge

    Norwich

    Different country, same inhabitants.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Norwich

      Population: 40,493 at the 2010 census. Presumably USA same-named small towns would be likely to have a gene pool largely from the original town's emigrants.

      1. Jason Hindle

        Re: So, NFN, then

        “Population: 40,493 at the 2010 census. Presumably USA same-named small towns would be likely to have a gene pool largely from the original town's emigrants.”

        So, US but Normal For Norfolk?

    2. ukgnome

      Re: Norwich

      Ahhh but we have to train the young uns up so that they can safely drink down Prince of Wales road.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Norwich

      The article used the term "bunch of fives" - a clear indication that it wasn't referring to anyone from East Anglia

      1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

        Re: Norwich

        Nuckledusters On Ready When I Come Home

      2. PeteA

        Re: Norwich

        Oh, I assumed it was just your local dialect. Guess it's from across the pond, eh?

  4. Muscleguy Silver badge

    Our fifth form (O Level equivalent) Maths teacher in NZ said his very lower fourth class insisted on singing Pink Floyd's Another Brick In the Wall Part II at the start of each class (We don't need no education). He let them because that meant they would subsequently knuckle down.

    He was a cool dude, large man, Commonwealth weight lifter. Once came across a woman who had got her Morris minor in a ditch. He lifted it out for her. Legs like tree trunks.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      on singing Pink Floyd's Another Brick In the Wall Part(*)

      Literally same story, Bulgaria, the English teacher in our high school. The difference was that he was in the top 10 nationally amateur boxing heavy category.

      As I was already proficient to a level many years past the "high school requirements", I was exempted from the lessons, so I did not get to sing. Oh well, one cannot win every time.

      *There was an extra twist that Pink Floyd was borderline "forbidden list" - not officially banned like the Final Cut, but not officially permitted like "Wish You Were Here". It was... err... not "encouraged" to be broadcast.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Happy

        My chemistry teacher was a C4 commentator on American Football and well known author on the subject.

        If we couldn't be arsed to do any work, we just mentioned words such as Dan Marino, The Fridge or Joe Montana and that was the entire lesson gone.

        Needless to say I was crap at chemistry

  5. Herring` Silver badge

    Different times

    But at my Uncle's boarding school Boxing was their main sport. After growing up in that sort of cruel and harsh environment, he went on to work for IBM so ....

    1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: Boxing was their main sport. went on to work for IBM

      Surely HP would have been more appropriate?

      https://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/07/23/enormouse/

  6. TonyJ Silver badge

    FFS

    I shudder with this world sometimes.

    When I send my kids to school I don't expect a fairy land where all is fluffy clouds and happiness but I do expect the basic levels of care to be taken to ensure their safety.

    And whilst it's sad we have a world where gun crime and knife crime exist and can be real problems, at the very least I'd expect a teacher to act like a human being and not do shit like this.

    I wish I could say I'm surprised but I've had more than one run in with my eldest lad's school over the behaviour of their reachers over the years: one maths teacher in year seven calling him "gay" amongst other things (the school were woeful on that one and it escalated right up to my having to explain that if the bullying wasn't stamped on, I'd assume they accepted that I could, therefore, await said teacher outside the gates and that they'd be happy for me to return the favour);

    An English teacher who would telephone me at around 9:00pm in the evening, clearly drunk and slurring her words to complain about his behaviour. That came to a head when she phsyically manhandled my son and pushed him into another teachers' classroom with no explanation to either my son or the other teacher - just left him there and stormed out)

    And more recently a science teacher who decided that my son should not take the higher science papers he's been working towards since year 7 and, with zero notice, dropped the lower level mock exam in front of him causing a lowball grade used to justify said teachers' decision to now put him on the lower paper. That one was resolved when I went to meet the headmaster and demanded my son be given a higher mock, out of normal hours to be marked by a completely different and independent teacher. Despite no notice to my son, he passed with flying colours and is now back on the higher papers. Same teacher has, with independent witnesses, been overly aggressive to various students and again feels it's ok to phone me whilst I am at work and address me as "mate" repeatedly.

    All of which may paint the school unfairly but 99% of the time it's actually a great school that takes the well-being of their students incredibly seriously - and it always seems to be the young teachers straight out of uni that are problematic.

    Sorry...went off an a bit of a rant there.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: FFS

      " at the very least I'd expect a teacher to act like a human being and not do shit like this."

      Agreed, but unfortunately we humans fall on a wide scale of decent to fuckwits. For what it's worth, at least the moron in TFA was identified relatively early in his career, and has been publicly IDed.

    2. Sanctimonious Prick
      Coat

      Re: FFS

      Upvoted.

      I got into quite a lot of trouble at school too! I was also quite a disturbed child... but things get worse when the deputy headmaster literally jumps off his desk, with cane in hand, to punish you.

      Not saying your child is disturbed... just not everything is always as it seems (especially when it is _your_ child).

      1. paulf Silver badge
        Terminator

        Re: FFS

        @ Sanctimonious Prick "when the deputy headmaster literally jumps *off* his desk,"

        Wait, what? (My emphasis). What TAF was he doing on the desk in the first place? I was at school in the 80s/90s so I did see some bad shit by teachers, just projectile board rubbers etc, whereas that's off the scale!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe they were fighting over an argument of a function?

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      There has to be a limit though...

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Joke

      the cause was imaginary, but the effect was real. [or would that be electrical engineering?]

      1. desht

        You're making this a bit complex now.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Maybe they were fighting over an argument of a function?

      I guess these were both one-to-one and onto?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Maybe they were fighting over an argument of a function?

        I just hope it was fair and there were no inequalities.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      I have little to add to this, but not subtract from the above points, if we multiple all the given factors in the posters above, surely dividing the teacher from his career equals a positive answer.

  8. Korev Silver badge
    Joke

    Trigonometry

    Did they "Tan his hide"?

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: Trigonometry

      I hope not, Cos that would be a Sin

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: Trigonometry

        At least he didn't use a Cosh

        1. Bill Gray
          Coat

          Re: Trigonometry

          Wait a sec... maybe I'm obtuse, but I've got a different angle on this, to some degree.

          (Aren't you glad the above series of puns was finite?)

          I did enter a pun contest once. I submitted ten puns, figuring that surely at least one would win. But no pun in ten did.

          1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

            Re: Trigonometry

            I see this is causing an acute reflex action where it strikes a chord with commentards.

  9. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    There was a teacher at my high school who took some delight in arranging fights *with* the kids (I say "kids" - they were 15 or so) who fancied themselves as hard cases. He wasn't that big a bloke, but he was an ex Royal Marine, so would just take them around the back of the school and knock 7 shades of s**t out of them.

    At the time, we thought he was a bit of a good egg, for putting the school bullies and hardnuts in their place.

    In hindsight, he was probably just a bit of a psychopath

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Stop

      "In hindsight, he was probably just a bit of a psychopath"

      don't believe the liberal touchy-feely brainwashing. Your first assessment was correct.

      1. sabroni Silver badge

        Nice one!

        FINALLY fixed your KEYBOARD?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "In hindsight, he was probably just a bit of a psychopath"

    In my school experience when corporal punishment was the norm - it just taught the bullies that it was their right to oppress other boys by force.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I took my corporal punishment beatings but all that disproportionate punishment did was convince me that authoritarians are cunts who deserve to be the first against the wall come the revolution. I believe in 'live and let live' but as they want it played by their rules I will happily oblige.

  11. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Kids these days....

    9th Rule: don't fucking record fight club!

  12. sisk Silver badge

    This article threw me for a loop. I know a teacher named Ryan Fisher. Fisher, not Fish, so not this guy. Still, it took me a second.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Spoiler follows if you haven't seen "Fight Club" after 19 years, but...

    ...let me guess. After one of the kids saw the footage that had been uploaded to social media, he realised that the "teacher" had never existed and that *he* was the one that, all this time, had been explaining Pythagoras' theorem to a classful of bored kids?

    1. Midnight

      Re: Spoiler follows if you haven't seen "Fight Club" after 19 years, but...

      After watching the footage a few dozen more times he eventually concluded that it wasn't just the teacher, but also half of the class who only existed inside his head.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    At English Secondary Schools for many years a set book for 15 year olds has been "Lord of the Flies". There have been reports that some boys only boarding schools took it to heart and in one case only the rope support breaking saved an unfavoured pupil. Unfortunately a Google search is inundated with writings about the novel itself.

  15. Velv Silver badge
    Coat

    Thesaurus Club

    First rule of Thesaurus Club: You do not talk, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, or converse about Thesaurus Club.

    1. John H Woods

      Re: Thesaurus Club

      I liked XKCD's first rule of tautology club

  16. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    When I were a lad...

    ...the saying was "Sticks and Stones may break my bones...".

    Now it seems that this needs to be updated to read "Rulers and Calculus may break Napier's bones..."

  17. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Best not delve too deeply into Chess Club, either

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystery_of_Chessboxing

    or

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enter_the_Wu-Tang_(36_Chambers)

    or

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chess_boxing

    (for real!)

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