back to article What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

Microsoft has advised customers that offensive language on Skype, in an Outlook.com email, or in an Office 365 Word document is a potentially account-closing offense under its updated terms of use. The tweaked services agreement, which comes into effect on May 1, 2018, now includes the following code-of-conduct item: Don’t …

  1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    No Cussing Allowed?

    How will that go down with the upholders on the 1st Ammendment in the USA?

    This does seem to be the Puritan side of the USA psyche coming to the fore again.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No Cussing Allowed?

      The first amendment does not mean what you think it means.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        "The first amendment does not mean what you think it means."

        and, in one of my favourite Bart "blackboard lines" scenes in the Simpson's opening credits

        "cursive writing is not what I thought it was"

        1. dread

          Re: No Cussing Allowed?

          As a non coward us citizen I am for one tired of you over sensitive pricks tell me what I can or cannot say if you don't like it don't fucking read or listen to it. If someone is spouting nonsense that you don't like you what? Sensible answer is walk away not start this shit show you idiots start over words they are words, ppl are being arrested and loosing their jobs over pronouns him hers his etc. And child molesters still walk the streets WTF!

    2. Just Enough

      Re: No Cussing Allowed?

      Microsoft is not the US Government. Therefore the 1st Amendment to the United States Constitution has absolutely no relevance to the matter.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        @Just Enough

        That is absolutely correct. But it shows what a bunch of anal retentive idiots the folks at Microsoft are.

        I am reminded of how quickly the then fledgling Tay AI chat bot was snuffed in its cradle by Microsoft when she began to speak things that offend people. So, this is hardly the first time that Microsoft is policing speech.

        Anyhow, besides Windows and Office (offline suite, not 365), I have no other use for Microsoft's products and services. I have sworn off Skype long ago and am hardly interested in Linkedin or Minecraft.

        Get thee behind me SatNad, I rebuke you in the name of common sense!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: No Cussing Allowed?

          F Microsoft. If they want to shut down the speech of their own bot, fine. But if I need to tell off someone over skype, or in a blistering e-mail with a document attached, that's too bad. That's my speech, and they are not allowed to read or censor what's in my e-mail or attachments.

          Besides, what about all the skype strippers? Won't someone think of all the single moms out there!!

      2. Kabukiwookie Bronze badge
        Paris Hilton

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        And doing business with a company that can essentially close down your entire business workflow at the drop of a hat is not a good long term strategy.

        Although I am sure that if this does happen, MS will only close down Office 365 for small companies that can't feasibly fight back; large companies like AT&T, HP and the large merchant banks will probably not have the same rules applied (although it would be funny to watch the fallout if these rules were applied indiscriminantly).

        1. ps2os2

          Re: No Cussing Allowed?

          Which is why it will be thrown out of court.

        2. Dave 15 Silver badge

          Re: No Cussing Allowed?

          Well any business that has been stupid enough to think cloud computing - whether with Microshite, Amazon or anyone else is sensible will sharp find their secrets shared with anyone and everyone - especially the US government and services stopped whenever the US feels like it.

          1. Updraft102 Silver badge

            Re: No Cussing Allowed?

            Well any business that has been stupid enough to think cloud computing - whether with Microshite, Amazon or anyone else is sensible...

            It does seem like the counterpoints are coming in fast and furious these days, like all of the cloud providers are out to inform people demonstratively of why cloud services are a crock. Amazon's music storage service is going away, and Microsoft's Groove service (I think) already went. Photobucket alienated a ton of people by effectively locking up a ton of pictures hosted there and shown in various internet forums by going from "free" to "orders of magnitude more costly than it would ever really be worth" all at once.

            I've used Photobucket to host pics on a few different forums scattered across the internet, and there's no way that I am going to go back and edit those ancient posts (if I even can) to point to a new host, and to reupload all of those pics on those forums to that host. There's also no way I'm gonna pay $400 a year for low-traffic forum hosting; if I was running en eBay business or something like that, I'd probably think differently (though I would still have cheaper and better options), but for my use, Photobucket is pointless now. There's a lot of information in forum posts like that that is essentially lost now, as all you get is an obnoxious demand for money in each of those posts instead of whatever the poster was trying to illustrate.

            Sure, Photobucket can do what it has done if it wants, since it owns the service, but that's just the point... it owns the service, so it can do whatever it wants, whether or not that conflicts with my interests. That's the wonder that is the cloud... keeping your files on someone else's computer, subject to their business plan, their security practices, and their whims. Great, where do I sign up?

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        Ah, yeah, most of us are fully aware of the distinction between public speech and private forums vis-a-vis 1A.

        Fewer of us consider the implications of a world where our public and personal communication is increasingly controlled by private 3rd party entities that claim dominion over our so-called rights. A world in which, as a practical matter, our free speech privileges are rapidly diminishing as a practical matter. In every layer, in every medium.

        I'll lock you in a padded room. Scream to your heart's content. Enjoy your rights.

        Bliss.

        1. Dave 15 Silver badge

          Re: No Cussing Allowed?

          More interesting to me is that it implies that Microsoft are looking at everything I send and listening to everything I say, probably even looking at every image on every camera on skype as well... if that includes skype for business (a hateful piece of crud) then many a european business is letting Microsoft see what they are doing every day.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        "Microsoft is not the US Government."

        Not yet, anyway. Well, okay, it'll probably be Google or Amazon, but the effect is much the same.

      5. Dave 15 Silver badge

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        Irrelevant, its not about government or not its about rights.

      6. razorfishsl

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        They don't have to be the government.

        They are a company and subject to the laws of the US, the same way they are subject to Gender laws.

        1. Updraft102 Silver badge

          Re: No Cussing Allowed?

          They don't have to be the government.

          They are a company and subject to the laws of the US, the same way they are subject to Gender laws.

          Um, yeah they do have to be the government. The First Amendment, like all of the Bill of Rights, is a list of things the government is not permitted to do to people. That's what a right is-- something you can do without government interference.

          The government has no rights... the government has powers, and those powers are delineated and restricted by the Constitution and other laws. Private entities have rights, and Microsoft is a private entity that has its own right to dictate what kinds of expression are permissible on their network. If Microsoft was owned by the government, there would be a real problem here, but it's not.

    3. Deadly_NZ

      Re: No Cussing Allowed?

      To say nothing of all the other countries that have free Speech laws now. that this would fall foul of.

      1. The Aussie Paradox
        Black Helicopters

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        Not to mention, this will block 90% of the Australian dictionary...

        Well now, how am I going to describe in great detail the latest cricket team fiasco?

    4. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: No Cussing Allowed?

      keep in mind that "offensive" might include anything that disagrees with POLITICAL CORRECTNESS.

      Micro-shaft can take their *PROFANITY* *PROFANITY* services and *PROFANITY* *PROFANITY* *PROFANITY* !!!

    5. Jack_Rainbow

      Re: No Cussing Allowed?

      you are confusing the issue which has nothing to do with the fifteenth century. Microsoft is responding to the cretinous Christians on its board and the cretinous Christians who lead communities in the USA. They are compelled to inflict their genital guilt on everyone else. Don't worry about X box, they will soon get round to dealing with that. You can expect this tightening and constriction of free speech to accelerate over the coming months. Judging by the witless comments on this thread, America has no people prepared to deal with the onslaught, (forget Trump, he's a wanker) likely enough you will all roll over paws up for the genitally guilty power elite of the USA to destroy the foundations of civilisation right before your very eyes as you go ninny-whining on the web.

      1. Dave 15 Silver badge

        Re: No Cussing Allowed?

        I remember one amusing story of an American porn shop being refused a licence because of the damage to the morals of the locals, then finally getting a licence when it revealed that almost every home in the town had a subscription to tv porn

  2. JakeMS Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Linux Torvalds

    Good job Linux Torvalds doesn't use those services, because if he did, he would almost certainly be banned!

    1. Peter da Silva

      Re: Linux Torvalds

      Perkele!

      1. CRConrad

        Re: Linux Torvalds

        Ihan vitun saatanan perkele, kyllä.

    2. Just Enough

      Re: Linux Torvalds

      Is that Linus' brother?

      1. Chemical Bob Bronze badge
        Terminator

        Re: Linux Torvalds

        Its Linus' *robot* brother...

        1. CRConrad

          Re: Linux Torvalds

          The one who wanted to grow up to become an Elisa base station?

      2. JakeMS Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Linux Torvalds

        I can't believe I made that typo, My Bad!

    3. PeteA

      Re: Linux Torvalds

      ... and thereby demonstrating the reasoning behind Richard Stallman's viewpoints.

  3. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    It's a feature

    This will make closing a Microsoft account both easy and satisfying.

    1. Halfmad

      Re: It's a feature

      Yeah "**** them"

      Microsoft: You swore! banned!

      User: Cool ,that was the whole point *****.

    2. macjules Silver badge

      Re: It's a feature

      Yes, I'll just say that I live in Scunthorpe and that Microsoft is deliberately marginalising me. If that fails then as a citizen of Scratchy Bottom, Dorset I feel victimised.

      1. Scroticus Canis Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: It's a feature - Scunthorpe

        So you can't ask Cortana "If Typhoo put the T in Britain, who put the .... in Scunthorpe"

        1. Richard 12 Silver badge

          Re: It's a feature - Scunthorpe

          I miss the mayor of Wetwang. By far my favourite Countdown host.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: It's a feature - Scunthorpe

          I've just spent 5 minutes giving Cortana an earful of the vilest things I can think of (there are many, trust me) and it hasn't phased it in the slightest.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It's a feature

        And what about the citizens of Uranus's newly discovered moon, bumholè.

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: It's a feature

      This could be fun...say if the boss of a corporation writes a profanity laced missive to the troops. (I've seen it). Would they ban him/her or the whole company? The possibilities boggle the mind.

      1. Whit.I.Are

        Re: It's a feature

        Classic speech to the troops:

        https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_S._Patton%27s_speech_to_the_Third_Army

    4. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: It's a feature

      wait until it auto-bans you based on poor swear-bot behavior, like "shitake mushrooms" where IRC swear-bots will occasionally kick/ban you because of something like that

      1. Rattus Rattus

        Re: @bombastic bob

        And so they should. It's shiitake mushroom.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @bombastic bob

          It's "Shit Ache" and you KNOW it is! ;-)

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @bombastic bob

          Tha's bullshiit.

  4. tfewster Silver badge
    Facepalm

    That's Yorkshire fucked then

    Especially residents of Scunthorpe and Penistone.

    However, if Microsoft is monitoring communications, won't they lose their common-carrier status and become liable for all crimes committed with the aid of these tools?

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

      Don't forget those counties down south that have 'sex' in their names. I had web sites refuse to register me in the past when entering the county.

      There are even a few of them over in the land of the Good Ole Boys as well.

      Middlesex becomes Middleshhhhcan'ttellyou.

      How will TOWIE carry on? the 'sex' bit was part of their MO.

      1. psychonaut

        Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

        how will i be able to garner the opinions of fellow techie's on expertsexchange now?

        oh? they changed the name a while ago? because the first one they came up with was hilarious?oh ok. ..

        1. jelabarre59 Silver badge

          Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

          how will i be able to garner the opinions of fellow techie's on expertsexchange now?

          oh? they changed the name a while ago? because the first one they came up with was hilarious?oh ok. ..

          It's better than having a NON-expert one...

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

          Or the poor folks at "mole-station Nurseries" (a plant producer) when the hyphen is dropped.

      2. Chronos Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

        How will TOWIE carry on?

        Every cloud...

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

      "Especially residents of Scunthorpe and Penistone."

      Scunthorpe's been moved to Yorkshire?

      OTOH the residents of Overton, Middlestown and Netherton might have a problem with the ancient township which included them (exercise left to the reader).

      1. davidp231

        Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

        And what of the people who live in Twatt?

        1. BoldMan

          Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

          Don't forget Massachusetts, Marseille or anyone talking about the Two Cocks pub or who live on Dick Turpin Lane!

          I once had to write a profanity filter for a data import tool - was the most entertaining bit of development in my entire career, especially conference calls with prudish Americans where we had to talk about how many different ways there are to conjugate "fuck" as a verb, adjective, noun or adverb :D

          1. bombastic bob Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

            "we had to talk about how many different ways there are to conjugate "fuck" as a verb, adjective, noun or adverb"

            if you see Kaye, tell her I said hi.

        2. annodomini2 Bronze badge

          Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

          And what of the people who live in Twatt?

          There's a village called 'Fuck' in Germany.

          1. Huw D

            Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

            Ah, the episode of the Grand Tour, where Clarkson, Hammond and May drove from Wank, through Kissing, Petting and Fucking until they got to Wedding.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            ...and NE Derbyshire

            I used to live near Fanny Avenue. A quiet suburban street on the face of it....

          3. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

            Actually the small village is called "Fucking" and located in Austria, not Germany. And while Microsoft blocks them now, YouPorn grants them free Pro-membership. (see recent news article)

      2. FlippingGerman

        Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

        Took me a bit: Shitlington. Called Stitlington since 1929, probably because it was a little embarrassing.

    3. d3vy Silver badge

      Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

      "if Microsoft is monitoring communications, won't they lose their common-carrier status"

      Oh dear... Someone didn't read all the way to the bottom.

    4. TheMole

      Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

      Except that Scunthorpe is in Lincolnshire.

      1. AMBxx Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

        Not good for birdwatchers reporting sightings of Tits and Shags either.

        1. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

          Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

          "sightings of Tits and Shags"

          The other day I saw a Cormorant. I knew it was a Cormorant, because I'm unlikely see a shag again.

          1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

            You never know... it could've been a booby.

            Mines the one with 'the guide to twitching for seamen' in the pocket

            1. caffeine addict Silver badge

              Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

              Sir - you appear to have a hole in your pocket...

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

                I have a hole in my pocket but its the only way I can run my fingers through my hair.

        2. caffeine addict Silver badge

          Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

          We have this fun about once a year at work when they try to add a "badwords" list to one of our products.

          Each time I argue that a long list of them are perfectly valid non-"bad" words, like slag, shag, bitch, or words that are useful for reporting bad behavior, like porn.

          I then argue that "salad tossing" should be added to the bad list. And since Absolute Radio censor Lou Reed, I'm going to start arguing that "head" should be added. :D

      2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: That's Yorkshire fucked then

        Except that Scunthorpe is in Lincolnshire.

        Wait till t'anschluss

    5. Tiggrrr42

      And Cumbria

      I'm sure someone will object to Cockermouth....

      1. ravenviz Silver badge

        Re: And Cumbria

        Re: Cockermouth

        Double up vote :-D

    6. PhilipN Silver badge

      Wombwell

      The place!

      Urrmm.......yeah.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not really clear, can I gamble strong language? I don't and never will use Cortana, my xbox is a glorified media box and it'll be a cold day in hell before I use Windows 10 so I'm going to go all in with zero f*cks.

    1. d3vy Silver badge

      Well, clearly not zero or you wouldnt have bothered commenting.

      Congratulations on not being affected by this, really.. well done.

      Pat on the back for you.

    2. onefang Silver badge

      "my xbox is a glorified media box"

      Ah, but what if you are watching a movie with a lot of swearing and graphic violence in it?

    3. davidp231
      Trollface

      "my xbox is a glorified media box"

      That runs a modified version of Windows 10...

      Unless it's a 360 of course.

  6. Franco Silver badge

    Cortana is no use anymore anyway, the only thing the dozy bint was good at was being better at IDing music than Shazam and having no ads, but now that Groove Music is no more the music id service has gone too.

    I can understand why they're doing this (my nieces and nephews spend scary amounts of time playing Minecraft) but very loose EULAs interpreted with a heavy hand are currently the reason Mark Zuckerburg is in a world of shit.

    1. jelabarre59 Silver badge

      ...currently the reason Mark Zuckerburg is in a world of shit.

      Can that world of shit go up over his head while we're at it?

  7. Snapper

    WTF!

    So if I was writing a book using Word (Oh God!), I could have my account interrupted on the whim of some jackass in Seattle?

    Would that last sentence get through?

    If my fictional story had the words 'President' and 'Assassinate' and 'Behind MacDonald's", would that get me thrown off, missing a critical deadline?

    Would 50 Shades of Grey managed to have got written? OK, bad example.

    Would I have to use the pronoun of choice for transpeople/persons everywhere, about 70 and counting at the moment, or would it get stopped as hate speech?

    Could I use WTF?

    This is the thin end of the wedge, make no mistake. If this starts watch as the list of actionable words or phrases that you won't be able to write or say increase, and the lawyers having multiple orgasms over challenges about adding or, far less likely, removing words or phrases that big business or politicians think it's a good idea to ban.

    This is nothing less than another attack on free speech.

    1. getHandle

      Re: WTF!

      Time for another dried frog pill?

    2. Trilkhai
      Devil

      Re: WTF!

      Great, now I have an unusually mean-spirited urge to "warn" members of a certain creative writing sub-Reddit that "everyone who writes their stories with MS Word and uses bad words is going to be banned" just to watch the less-intelligent users freak out.

    3. Andy Non

      Re: WTF!

      Microsoft will no doubt also be installing a spell checking dictionary "British English Newspeak"

      Though maybe a tad too late for it to be a 1984 edition.

    4. katrinab Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: WTF!

      "Would I have to use the pronoun of choice for transpeople[sic]/persons everywhere, about 70 and counting at the moment, or would it get stopped as hate speech?"

      It is trans people / persons. Running them together as a single word is hate speech.

    5. K Silver badge

      Re: WTF!

      @Snapper - "So if I was writing a book using Word (Oh God!),"

      Whats more creepier, is this potentially shows that M$ are analysing the content.. and doing christ know what with it, rather than just securely storing it! In addition, this probably breeches a shit load of DP and GDPR rules, as such content could contain personal and sensitive information!

      1. LewisRage

        RE : M$ are analysing the content

        If you read the fucking* article you'd see that they aren't actively policing it, so no they aren't parsing your latest book/email/skype chat. They retain the right to investigate if there is a complaint.

        *written on Windows 10, signed in with my Office365 account. Come at me brocrosoft.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: RE : M$ are analysing the content

          "If you read the fucking* article you'd see that they aren't actively policing it, so no they aren't parsing your latest book/email/skype chat."

          Yet. Which means nothing after a month, it just means they don't have monetary incentive or technical capacity to do that now. Once someone pays them for your data, they'll have the motivation.

          That's what the legalese means: They changed it so that they are allowed to do that any time without breaking the rules.

          " They retain the right to investigate if there is a complaint"

          And of course there always will be "a complaint" when you complain about your account being suspended. Or data being 'analyzed', i.e. copied to somewhere else.

          This is totally a 'goodbye free speech, we are here to prevent it' -item. Also free ticket of monitoring everything you do or have done for spying reasons, i.e. NSA, legally.

          Two birds with one stone, nice.

          It's obvious that MS has been drooling while looking the money Facebook rakes in and therefore they had to have similar business model just to make more money. Collecting ("monitoring") the content directly is a major step to that direction.

          MS has always been a 'more money to us and who cares about laws'-company. That is not changing: That's the reason still MS has legal department which as large as marketing and product development: That's how you break the laws without getting punished for it.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: RE : M$ are analysing the content

            This is totally a 'goodbye free speech, we are here to prevent it' -item. Also free ticket of monitoring everything you do or have done for spying reasons, i.e. NSA, legally.

            Well, no. You still have the option of putting pen to paper, and transferring this document by hand, or by post. The USA did not make internet access a public utility, so private companies can do f-all what they want. You have the opportunity of talking directly to people. (landline and cell may be monitored, if you are that paranoid). Not defending this in the least, just noting that's the way it is.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: RE : M$ are analysing the content

          And you really believe that ? Really really REALLY, believe that ?

          You see, I have this bridge that is for sale that you just might be interested in....

      2. d3vy Silver badge

        Re: WTF!

        "Whats more creepier, is this potentially shows that M$ are analysing the content.. and doing christ know what with it, rather than just securely storing it! In addition, this probably breeches a shit load of DP and GDPR rules, as such content could contain personal and sensitive information!"

        Oh my god... Microsoft are not analysing the content.. just the same as you didnt analyse the article...

        From the article.

        "On The Register’s reading of the rules, a profanity-laden file written in Office 365, or an email with a nude selfie attached sent using Windows Live Mail, may fall on the wrong side of the code, if reported to Microsoft by someone"

        1. phuzz Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: WTF!

          So pointing out that someone didn't read the fucking article gets downvotes now?

          "Microsoft insisted it won't actively police its services – but, beware: it will investigate complaints from people who are offended by what you do on Redmond's platforms."

          1. bombastic bob Silver badge
            Trollface

            Re: WTF!

            I'm offended by Micro-shaft's policies. they should ban themselves now.

        2. Andy The Hat Silver badge

          Re: WTF!

          No, I think it's deeper than that.

          Microsoft are basically saying that they are no longer a dumb "store and transfer" organisation but now will take responsibility for the political correctness of all the data on their servers (levels of sex, violence, religious tolerance etc are all manifestations of the "political correctness" of their time).

          I assume Microsoft's share/publish definition is related to directly sharing/publishing the 365 document via a link back to the MS server, not sharing/publishing a document originally built in 365 but hosted elsewhere? If the latter, it's scary.

          Without very specific clarification, it feels a bit 'can-o-worms' to me.

          1. Donn Bly

            sharing/publishing the 365 document via a link back to the MS server

            I think you have identified their major concern.

            The FOSTA/SESTA legislation passed and signed last week effectively strips common carrier protections in the case of facilitation of sex crimes such as trafficking or prostitution. As such, the operators of websites now have criminal liability if their services were used to host the material. It was for this very reason that Craigslist shut down all of their "personals".

            Previously the government had to prove that they "knowingly" facilitated or willingly profited. Now they just have to prove that they facilitated but no longer have to demonstrate prior knowledge or intent.

            This policy change from Microsoft is the first step of trying to protect their shareholders and business model, as a stop-gap until the legislation is either repealed or tested in court. Not so much as protection against the Feds who don't care about usage policies, but from against civil lawsuits from their customers.

          2. Roland6 Silver badge

            Re: WTF!

            Re: >No, I think it's deeper than that.

            No, I think it's even deeper!

            MS are effectively saying that on all their services they can read your (historic) communications and files. This seems to be an extension of the Windows 10 EULA to all of their various services, namely if you use our services you grant us the right to look at your usage if we deem we have cause to.

            I wonder how long it will be before they find a way to make use of this access for revenue generation...

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: WTF!

          ", if reported to Microsoft by someone""

          Like NSA, shall we say? Or someone totally imaginary. You know, as an excuse for copying everything you have, 'just in case' there's something in there?

          When you people realize it's totally irrelevant what marketing droids in MS are saying? Especially when they are talking about 'now': That literally means the moment they are saying it and tomorrow will be different.

          The only relevant thing is what they legally can do and in this case it's totally legal to copy all of your data (and sell it). With an excuse 'someone complained', which in practise doesn't mean a thing.

      3. Anonymous Blowhard

        Re: WTF!

        @K

        "a shit load of DP" will probably get you barred...

      4. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        Re: WTF!

        "this potentially shows that M$ are analysing the content"

        It show nothing of the sort, potentially or otherwise. Microsoft's statement only applies to material that you publically share. If you do that, it isn't private data anymore, so none of the things you mention apply.

        1. georgezilla

          Re: WTF!

          A Skype call that only goes to one person is not a private conversation?

          Or the same with a text/e-mail?

          If true....

          WTF indeed.

    6. Mycho Silver badge

      Re: WTF!

      I hope they do ban WTF, I never liked that game.

      WTA FTW!

      1. onefang Silver badge
        WTF?

        Re: WTF!

        "WTA FTW!"

        Careful, the dyslexic might confuse FTW and WTF.

        WTF icon FTW!

    7. d3vy Silver badge

      Re: WTF!

      "So if I was writing a book using Word (Oh God!), I could have my account interrupted on the whim of some jackass in Seattle?"

      No, if you read the article you would know that.

    8. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: WTF!

      So if I was writing a book using Word (Oh God!), I could have my account interrupted on the whim of some jackass in Seattle?

      Not Seattle. Probably this will be outsourced to India. Much mirth and merriment will probably result if it is.

      1. ravenviz Silver badge

        Re: WTF!

        Re: mirth and merriment

        No, that’ll be myrrh and merriment...

        </no-coat>

    9. Kabukiwookie Bronze badge

      Re: WTF!

      This is nothing less than another attack on free speech.

      Use Libreoffice and all of those issues go away.

    10. onefang Silver badge

      Re: WTF!

      "the lawyers having multiple orgasms"

      I think that would count as porn, and not be allowed. Something good may cum of this after all.

  8. b0llchit
    Childcatcher

    Fuck translates to Fick, Bolle, and what more

    So then, which language needs this foul language to be in? I'd almost want to create an account just to use a whole set of foul languages and try to find that out.

    Unfortunately, my aversion against cloud services is preventing me from telling them to go fuck yourself in their language document.

    1. Mycho Silver badge

      Re: Fuck translates to Fick, Bolle, and what more

      It will do what always happens in these cases. Clean language will become offensive, again.

      You know 'special needs' is used abusively by school children these days?

      1. BlartVersenwaldIII
        Windows

        Re: Fuck translates to Fick, Bolle, and what more

        > Clean language will become offensive, again.

        Nothing new under the sun it seems, as MS were supposedly tackling this back in 2009.

        Oblig. Penny Arcade

        The attached blurb includes the following nugget:

        "A year ago, we saw a quiz thing that asked you to determine which of four odd phrases were euphemisms for sexual acts. By the time we had discovered this question, every item on the list had developed a carnal reputation. That is to say, every item. We are fast approaching a point where ordering a sandwich at a deli will land you in prison."

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Fuck translates to Fick, Bolle, and what more

          We are fast approaching a point where ordering a sandwich at a deli will land you in prison.

          "Excuse me miss, can I have some of your tuna salad...? wink wink, nudge nudge"

        2. bombastic bob Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Fuck translates to Fick, Bolle, and what more

          "We are fast approaching a point where ordering a sandwich at a deli will land you in prison"

          a SAUSAGE sandwich with MAYO, please...

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Fuck translates to Fick, Bolle, and what more

          We are fast approaching a point where ordering a sandwich at a deli will land you in prison

          I'll take a BIG LARGE and TASTY with extra JUICY tomatoes.

  9. Teiwaz Silver badge

    nudity as well.

    Nice of them to categorise the default human condition with a lot of stranger behaviour which also includes uncovering parts of yourself.

    Not everyone is born wearing pithy Joe Belfiore t-shirts.

    No undressed salads as well.

    A ban though? But, but this will shrink their customer base....

    MS, give up now and withdraw from the consumer side and avoid the slow death of gradually banning most of it's customer base.

  10. skalamanga

    i'll use whatever monday to friday words I choose you bunch of monkey fighters!

    1. jonathan keith

      Monkey Fighters?

      Sloppy, Mr. Falcon. Sloppy.

      1. Teiwaz Silver badge

        Re: Monkey Fighters?

        Monkey Fighters?

        Sloppy, Mr. Falcon. Sloppy.

        As far as I'm concerned, they've just declared war on human nature....and the UK gov with this porn filter...

        sign up for monkey guerillas/gorillas, it's time for Dr Zaius and his ilk to be put in orange jumpsuits.

    2. d3vy Silver badge

      I Believe that "Mellon Farmer" is the accepted replacement.

      1. Alan Brown Silver badge

        "I Believe that "Mellon Farmer" is the accepted replacement."

        Flip you, Muddy funster!

        1. ravenviz Silver badge

          “Suck my lozenge”

    3. Shadow Systems Silver badge

      At Skalamanga...

      Many many years ago while working at my son's elementary school I used the following to curse around the little ones without getting in trouble.

      "Crunchy Frog!" was a curse akin to what you might yelp after stubbing a toe, getting a paper cut, or whacking yourself with a door.

      "Turtle Harness!" was a bit stronger & used in situations where someone cut you off in traffic, took the parking space you were about to pull into, cut ahead of you in line, or did something that angered/frustrated you.

      But the abosolute pinnacle of cursing vulgarity was uttered by the McDonald's Hamburgler. If you remember he never got to eat anything. Every time he tried to get his hands on some food, that giant clown would prevent him from getting any nourishment. What did he say every time that happened? Those words were the equivelent of screaming "F4!" at the tops of your lungs.

      So if you *really* wanted to curse in front of the kids but didn't want to get in trouble for doing so, "Robble Robble!" was the most vulgar of the bunch.

      My son & I always drew laughs & smiles on the bus when someone would do something stupid, get me to exclaim "Crunchy Frog!", & my son would clap his hands over his ears & shout "DAD! Watch your language!"

      Crunchy Frog, Turtle Harness, & Robble Robble. Words that are fun to say, can replace actual curse words, & can be said around impressionable young children without getting you shouted at by their parents for being vulgar.

      =-)p

      Now go Crunchy Frog yourself, you Turtle Harnessing Robble Robble.

  11. Chronos Silver badge
    WTF?

    Four bloody days...

    ...too fucking early, dozy bastards.

  12. arctic_haze Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    What that tells us about Skype?

    If you had any doubts every word you say on Skype is recorded, this change should be a wake up call for you. You were thinking the curse words were meant for whoever you talked to? No, the ones that complained were puritan NSA employees who had to listen to your cursing.

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: What that tells us about Skype?

      That was my thought - how do they know or verify if you have been using foul language on Skype?

      Doh, of course just take a look at the voice-to-text slurp logs...

      1. WallMeerkat Bronze badge

        Re: What that tells us about Skype?

        Given that anyone without an American or Southeast England accent can't get any voice activated devices to work (car hands free, phoneline options etc.), I would like to think that casual swearing can continue in a Glaswegian/Geordie/Belfast accent....

        1. John G Imrie Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: What that tells us about Skype?

          Point of order,

          All Glaswegian is swearing.

        2. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Re: What that tells us about Skype?

          Glaswegian/Geordie/Belfast accent....

          The Belfast accent(s) are quite mild * in comparison to anywhere west of the River Toome.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What that tells us about Skype?

      Yes, they do.

      A UK nightclub held a 'shag a ginger' night where redheads got in for free. This angered a friend who suggested a complicated revenge involving extreme flatulence in the club.

      I replied, through Skype, "I do not support gassing gingers." and Skype froze for over a minute. Coincidence, or some keyword requiring intervention?

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: What that tells us about Skype?

      if some cold-caller that violates the 'do not call' list by calling MY phone using Skype, and I use profanity at them [a typical response from me], are Micro-shaft going to ban *THEM* for having "profanity" on their line?

      [I doubt very much that Micro-shaft is policing this kind of activity with respect to the 'do not call' list]

  13. Just A Quick Comment

    Could this form of censorship be applied retrospectively?

    I've written stories, using Word and Publisher, that contained naughty/adult words in the past. Have Microsoft been spying on me and my stories all this time?

    So, is it tin hats at twenty paces, or (and more simply) switch to LibreOffice?

    1. d3vy Silver badge

      Re: Could this form of censorship be applied retrospectively?

      No

    2. Eddy Ito Silver badge

      Re: Could this form of censorship be applied retrospectively?

      I wonder when they'll start editing content. It kinda gives 'autocorrect' a whole new meaning.

    3. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Could this form of censorship be applied retrospectively?

      Maybe.. it's their software, their servers, their rules. And rules can be changed at any time.

  14. Potemkine! Silver badge

    When I read...

    ... "We are committed to ", I know a big load of PR BS is coming.

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: When I read...

      "We are committed to "

      Yes, they bloody well should be,

      ...complete with confining clothing.

  15. Lysenko Silver badge

    Office365...

    ... no material involving offensive language, graphic violence, or criminal activity? Well, that's every police force on the planet off to Google then, along with the rest of the legal system and news media. Quite a bit of nudity in the medical profession, so they need to switch as well (especially A&E and Gynaecologists). Oh, and Quentin Tarantino? Back to the typewriter and postal system for all future scripts.

    I'd like to think they're just dumb and never heard of the law of unintended consequences, but the fact is they're not that dumb. What they're actually doing is reanimating the old totalitarian dictatorship trick of making existence itself illegal and then employing arbitrary enforcement to eliminate anyone and anything that becomes 'inconvenient'.

    1. d3vy Silver badge

      Re: Office365...

      And I'd like to think that people would read articles before jumping into the comments and bashing their keyboards like rabid monkeys but apparently we don't all get what we want.

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Office365...

        "And I'd like to think that people would read articles... [snip]"

        comments on WHERE THIS IS LEADING are still relevant. It's the whole "slippery slope" thing.

        Today: scan/ban only when someone complains

        Tomorrow: we scan your schhhtuff and are OUT TO CONTROL YOU.

        or something like that.

  16. chivo243 Silver badge

    Skype

    I only use the text function of skype to communicate with the missus while I'm at work. Might look into my own chat server thing... I read about something called Mastodon last week, might be interesting.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Skype

      Try LINE.

      1. Uncle Ron

        Re: Skype

        LINE is great. IMHO, better than Skype. But it's banned in countries that refuse to allow LINE's encryption. It's banned where gov't spies want to read and see everything. It's banned in Russia.

    2. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: Skype

      Mastodon is like Twitter, it is for public chat groups, not for private conversations.

      1. chivo243 Silver badge

        Re: Skype

        @katrinab

        You can host your own private node of Mastodon...

        https://joinmastodon.org/#getting-started

        Install your own

        If you are interested in running your own instance — for your friends, family or organization — you can get started by reading the installation documentation. You only host your own users and the content that they subscribe to.

      2. David Nash Silver badge

        Re: Skype

        "Mastodon is like Twitter, it is for public chat groups, not for private conversations."

        Except that people seem to use public twitter for private conversations anyway.

      3. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Skype

        USENET preceded them all, you can swear and use profanity and upload pr0n as much as you like, and it's all available to anyone who wants to view it.

  17. Timmy B Silver badge

    Well, not a surprise. We'll all be limited by morality statutes in pretty much all we do eventually. After all thought crime is actual crime nowadays.

  18. Julian 8

    Does that mean that if I tell Cortana to f$ck right off my machine she will ?

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      "Does that mean that if I tell Cortana to f$ck right off my machine she will ?"

      if it were so easy.

      I think Micro-shaft should UNINSTALL THEIR OS as well, and set you up with Linux Mint, if you violate their terms of service. It'd be a really convenient way to UPgrade, by telling Micro-shaft, Cortana, or some overly sensitive "target" to {insert graphic sexual activity here} with {large uncomfortable looking object with multiple sharp pointy edges} and {something corrosive and/or abrasive that doesn't even remotely act like a lubricant}.

  19. Julian 8

    Interesting as Offensive is different for everyone

    I have no problems with swearing or most of that list, but I take great offense on other words, phrases that are not covered that some people find comforting.

    One person's good is another person's evil

    1. JakeMS Silver badge

      Exactly. I find it offensive when people say "Everything is going to be okay.. I'm sure of it!" to me.

      Does that mean I can have those works blacklisted?

    2. King Jack Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Experiment

      Ask somebody who objects to swearwords what it is that they find offensive about the word? Then ask them why they are not offended by other words describing the exact same thing or act. At that point when their brain is engaged they'll admit they they have no good reason to dislike some words and not others. They'll admit they only object because other people do.

      1. Updraft102 Silver badge

        Re: Experiment

        People object to profanity because certain expressions convey either the speaker's intent to offend the listener or his lack of concern over whether the listener is offended, and it is the lack of consideration that is rude and offensive, not the word itself.

      2. Kyle Roberts

        Re: Experiment

        Clever? Most of the 'swearwords' that are multiplying themselves in this post are denigrating of women, men and sex. Why would you denigrate and debase sex, do you not like it? Why name unpleasant or unintelligent people after a slang term for genitalia? Where is the logic in this?

        I regard sex as one of the most marvellous things, capable of creating another human being! Many comments seem to indicate for many here sex is about as meaningful as 'taking a dump'. Lots of people find this treatment of sex offensive, I sure do. Why are so many people reacting in hate against this standard?

  20. Spanners Silver badge
    Facepalm

    If we avoid US "English", will we be OK?

    I am not sure when but, sometime in the past, some bright spark in the USA tried to stop people using certain swear words and substituted "ass" instead or "a4rse" (yes I did self censor). If we stick to not using that Americanism, are we safe from this stupidity for a bit longer?

    I suggest that people spell everything correctly. It will help to confuse the US bright sparks who seem to intend to cause world peace, reverse global warming and solve world hunger by removing adult words from adult conversations.

    1. WallMeerkat Bronze badge

      Re: If we avoid US "English", will we be OK?

      But then they went overboard and put "ass" everywhere

      "Big ass truck" is just a large lorry

      "Grown ass man" is just an adult male

      Relevant XKCD etc.

      1. chivo243 Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: If we avoid US "English", will we be OK?

        Hell, they even said Fuck on the new Star Trek Discovery or was it fuckin' cool?

        1. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: If we avoid US "English", will we be OK?

          You can always substitute "falcon"

  21. ShelLuser
    Windows

    This is fucked up

    One simple word: censorship.

    Instead of holding people accountable for their own actions Microsoft prefers to take the easy way out and consider everyone guilty until proven innocent. And in doing so validated my expressed concerns when this whole 365 subscription model started: "What if... Microsoft suddenly decides that you can no longer have an option which you really need?".

    So basically... If you're working on the next erotic bestseller in succession to Fifty Shades of Grey and you're using Office 365 then you might want to be careful. Because if your work hits the market and does become a bestseller then you can bet that Microsoft will come knocking at your door because you violated their policies and are therefor now requested to cough up a huge fine.

    Or, a more likely scenario, they'll just trash your work while you were working on it. Who cares about intellectual property?

    But yeah, one again a solid example why software as a service is pretty much the dumbest thing you can get yourself into. Because there's no guarantee what so ever that the rules of the game don't get changed somewhere in between, leaving you pretty much empty handed.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This is fucked up

      " Because there's no guarantee what so ever that the rules of the game don't get changed somewhere in between, leaving you pretty much empty handed."

      On the contrary: The game _will_ get changed. That is the one thing that is guaranteed and has happened to every on-line item or service so far, constantly. Anyone trusting that it won't happen, is somewhat naive and/or lacking experience.

      All of those exists to make money and when the owner finds a better way to make money, the game will change, it's as simple as that.

      There're not many 'services' that exist only to provide a service.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Went through that once

    I went through this once when a very popular messaging service (of a financial news and services company belonging to and eponymous with a former mayor of NY - before he bcame mayor) prohibited profanity... eh... sorry... "vocabulary inappropriate in business correspondence" or some such. Users of the messaging service were mostly traders who can't communicate without four letter words...

    Cue a few days of very intensive world-wide experimentation including word-mangling, misspellings, usage of various live and dead languages, etc. The policy change was on the 1st page of WSJ the next morning, IIRC.

  23. nathanm

    They may as well just say "You know what, you're all automatically in violation of these terms just by using any of our products. For most of you, we'll choose not to enforce the terms, but every now and again, we will. So be good."

  24. Huw D

    No more transcripts of police conversations with suspects then?

    "And the gentleman came up to me and said 'Kindly go away officer, you lady's front bottom...'"

    Reminds me of the time the Partners at a Law Firm I was working for insisted on a word filter on all inbound/outbound emails - which resulted in a statement from a policeman being put into quarantine for exactly these reasons. It got released - 2 minutes after the lawyer that was expecting it had left for court.

    1. Spacedinvader
      Happy

      Reminds me of this

      https://everything2.com/title/Scottish+Court+rules%253A+%2522Fuck+off%2522+is+not+an+insult

  25. wolfetone Silver badge

    Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo! What will we do?

    I know! They can Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo off and get Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo Echo Delta.

    Twats.

    1. psychonaut

      a new feature

      so, they are scanning your mail and phone conversations.

      if they make it so that outlook automatically adds appointments to your diary based on your emails, then tuesdays are going to get booked up to fuck.

      see you next tuesday

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      would that be

      Tango Whiskey Alpha Tango Sierra

      or as Alcohol is adult restricted would Whiskey also be banned..

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        "would that be

        Tango Whiskey Alpha Tango Sierra

        or as Alcohol is adult restricted would Whiskey also be banned.."

        You raise an interesting point. Plus with the sugar tax coming in, Tango would also be under threat.

  26. edmr

    M$ Morality Police

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Coat

      "M$ Morality Police"

      MICRO-SHAFT, FEEL YEAH!!!

      we're only trying to help you, for your own good

      MICRO-SHAFT, FEEL YEAH!!!

      Protecting all the snowflakes, from language that's crude

      MICRO-SHAFT, FEEL YEAH!!!

      Victorian ethic reboot and political correctness too!

      etc.

  27. SquidEmperor

    How Dare You!

    This is incredibly bad news. Basically the rule now is you cannot offend any one. Forget about swear words and so on, if I find anything you say offensive I can now raise a flag and (I assume) get you bumped off all MS platforms whilst they investigate it. Free speech means the freedom to offend, if we aren't willing to take the risk to offend, or worse silence those who do, we have no free speech.

    1. psychonaut
      Coat

      Re: How Dare You!

      you cant GIVE offence, it can only be taken by someone.

      (jimmy carr will explain this for you...)

      what the recipient deems offensive could be anything. so the only sure course of action is to say nothing.

      SSSSSHHHHHH.....i'll get my coat

    2. d3vy Silver badge

      Re: How Dare You!

      "Basically the rule now is you cannot offend any one"

      No the rule is as it has always been - Say what you want but be prepared to deal with the consequences.

      "Free speech means the freedom to offend"

      Yes, but most adults have learned that causing unnecessary offence isn't a great idea.

      Go down to Harlem stand on a street corner and shout the N word... don't worry, as long as you explain calmly that you are within your rights to express your speech freely Im sure you will be fine.

      That said I do kind of agree with you that people are far too quick to call offence now and the fall out from what is in effect a very small issue is all too often blown out of all proportion.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: How Dare You!

        "No the rule is as it has always been - Say what you want but be prepared to deal with the consequences."

        ... in a court. Not by a corporation automatically doing it and that's totally different.

        Not only that, you know it's different: In court you may defend yourself and you need proof too.

        When MS does it, a single world with whatever context is enough, by this article. Totally different.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: How Dare You!

        I'm Black and aspire to be a rapper, so shouting "Hey Niggas" is absolutely fine - indeed expected of me. Tunefulness is entirely optional too !

  28. Mycho Silver badge

    Feature request

    Can we remind them that Ruddy is an expletive in some parts of the world?

    Then convince them that Amber Rudd is an even more offensive form of the term referencing discoloration due to being pissed on by everybody for years?

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    fucksional

    I couldn't be fucked to use fucking MS fuckword 365 in the first fucking place (so they can go fuck themselves).

    Now, as to fucking skype, it does offer a fucking poser... well, as long as I can fuck verbally, I don't fucking care, what are they gonna do, fucking cut me o

    ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING, MS-FUCK-SOFT?!

    ...

    1. d3vy Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: fucksional

      Ohhhh posted as anon... You're 'ard.

      1. Huw D
        Joke

        In a complete about face...

        "You're 'ard"

        That's what she said... ;)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: fucksional

      ^ Hey, I just got a new signature for my email! Thanks!

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A Redmond spokesperson sent us the following answer,

    which, translated into plain English goes like this: "We were F... CLEAR, RIGHT?! SO F...! O...!

  31. okand
    Mushroom

    If I also had to actually use the office365 instance I manage for a customer we would be shutdown immediately.

  32. Christoph Silver badge

    What a great steaming stinking pile of billgates. (Hi MS, you'll have to ban that word now).

    I refer Microsoft's lawyers to the reply given in the case of Arkell v. Pressdram.

    1. Milton Silver badge

      " ... stinking pile of billgates"

      "What a great steaming stinking pile of billgates. (Hi MS, you'll have to ban that word now)."

      Bah, you're just talking ballmers—nothing a kick in the sat'nads won't fix.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Are they banning swearing on Xbox live voice chat ... if so my son is going to get a *LOT* quieter as abouut half the words he he *SHOUTS* at his friends overt Xbox will be banned .... hmm, I'm coming round to this idea :-)

  34. Spasticus Autisticus
    Paris Hilton

    This could be my fault - sorry.

    I have a friend that runs a scrapyard and one day he called to say the computer he uses to inform the DVLA of cars he'd scrapped had been upgraded to Windows 10 and he couldn't access the DVLA site any more. I tried all methods I could think of to get IE, Edge, Firefox, etc. to connect to the DVLA but nothing worked so I rolled back to Win7. I was offered a window to tell MS why this PC had been rolled back, I wrote what I thought of MS and Win10 which made my scrapyard owning friend blush. I did change it to be less offensive but as we're not sure that everything we type isn't recorded by MS - even if we delete it - MS may have been subject to some obnoxious abuse from me.

    Sorry again.

    The first line of this song sum up MS - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtuVBPwzstM - NSFW or MS. Paris because .....

  35. Barely registers

    "Just a carrier" ?

    So if Microsoft is policing the content of the messages sent over their services, does that strip away their insistence that they are "just a carrier" of messages, in effect becoming partly responsible for the content?

    1. d3vy Silver badge

      Re: "Just a carrier" ?

      RTFA

  36. TrumpSlurp the Troll Silver badge
    Facepalm

    To quote(ish) Monty P

    Silly bunts.

    .

    .

    .

    .

    What a load of collocks.

    Can it tell the difference between a bugger and a debugger?

    Will also have to move my copy of Roger's Profanasaurus to Libre Office.

    .

    .

    Does this stupidity encompass any file that finds its way onto One Drive?

    Sigh.

    1. Chronos Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: To quote(ish) Monty P

      They're all a bunch of One Cares (French taunter accent).

    2. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: To quote(ish) Monty P

      I bet you they won't play this song on the Radio - Monty Python - rewrite in honor....

      I bet you they won't show this document on Microsoft Word

      I bet you they won't show this new (bleep) document

      It's not that it's (buzzer) or (horn) controversial

      Just that (bell)-ing words are awfully strong

      You can't say (klaxon) on Microsoft Word

      Or (whip crack), or (arrow thud), or (croak)

      You can't even say I'd like to (güiro) you someday

      Unless you're a doctor with a really large (doing)

      So I bet you they won't show this document on Microsoft Word

      I bet you they'll (wipe retype)-ing well change it

      I bet you those (kiosk chime)-ing old Marketing idiots

      Will think it's a load of horse (fart)

      Next up... are you embarassed easily...? Don't worry, it's all part of growing up and being from Redmond...

  37. Simon Harris Silver badge

    So, no swear words allowed in Word...

    It's fortunate I don't use a speech recognition system then, or my Word documents would be full of them.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Two words take your pick.

    FU*CK OFF

    NO Chance

    On Premises,

    Libre Office

    Install Kolab

    and still. - NOT Google

  39. JeffyPoooh Silver badge
    Pint

    Oh, so it's 2018 and MS Office Cloudy files aren't encrypted?

    Microsoft Office files stored in their cloud are not encrypted? They're in plain text? Ready for inspection? Seriously? [Taps calender to make sure it's not stuck.]

    If Microsoft is even capable of reviewing such Office files, that indicates there's a much bigger issue here than just the damn swearing.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oh, so it's 2018 and MS Office Cloudy files aren't encrypted?

      "..if Microsoft is even capable of reviewing such Office files, that indicates there's a much bigger issue here than just the damn swearing."

      An issue which existed all the time but it wasn't legal for MS to read all your files and follow your conversations in real time. Now it is. And it's not an accident.

      Anyone who believes this is just about foul language, is frankly an idiot: It's about legal excuse to "analyze" your data. A´la Facebook.

  40. DNTP Silver badge

    If you can't say 'fuck'

    You can't say 'fuck Microsoft'.

    People in the medical field use technically correct words for body parts in a clinical context which of course Microsoft will completely fail to consider. I am reminded of a prospective prenatal medicine student from a 'traditional' Asian culture; he simply couldn't bring himself to use any word associated with the female reproductive system.

  41. TheMole

    kcufing sreknaw !

  42. Fihart

    We'll have no *unts here !

    In a grown-up world the movie "Three Billboards outside Ebbing Missouri" contains the word twice. Microsoft show themselves to be as infantile as their general conduct suggests.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    so no message security in skype then

    I thought it had end to end encryption - apparently not!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: so no message security in skype then

      If you really thought that MS would not be able to snoop on you via Skype, all I can say is that there's one born every minute as they say...

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So, skyping a request for a high strength long shaft wood screw from the Middlesex depot to be delivered to Scunthorpe might get flagged, as would snatching some shuteye after a long night? But asking for a Fanny pack would no doubt be fine. How would they handle the reference of having a fag? Or eating faggots and gravy?

    As much as they say they'd need a complaint before investigating, we all know it'll be too much work as a manual task so they'll automate it at which point they'll apply their understanding of words and forget their understanding of the English language is somewhat flawed.

  45. MsScullz
    Megaphone

    When I saw this story I assumed it was an April Fool's Day joke but now I'm not so sure.

    It's all well and good to say, "they're not listening and will only investigate if someone complains" but it sounds a bit like all it takes is for an ex partner or other malicious party to dig out an email with the word 'sh*t' in it, and hey ho, you're banned from Microsoft services.

    As someone who swears like a sailor, and plays in private Xbox parties whilst drinking heavily and verbally abusing the other participants - with their consent, I might add - I am feeling very uneasy right now.

  46. Flakk Silver badge

    What?

    [...]many Xbox games have attracted America's Entertainment Software Rating Board’s Adults Only 18+ rating covering games that “include prolonged scenes of intense violence, graphic sexual content and/or gambling with real currency.”

    Um, no. Game publishers avoid the AO rating like the plague as retailers typically refuse to stock AO-rated games. According to Wikipedia, the only Xbox game slapped with an AO rating was "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas", and only after the "Hot Coffee" controversy came to light. GTA:SA was subsequently pulled from store shelves until Rockstar could distribute game discs with the offending code removed.

  47. Zog_but_not_the_first Silver badge
    Windows

    Good old Office 2007

    I never thought I'd write that.

    1. elgarak1

      Re: Good old Office 2007

      Weeeeellllll....

      The current news item only lists online services, like Office 365, Skype, Outlook...

      But remember that Microsoft wants to do "Windows as a service", and the current T&C already reflect that something like this will soon happen for anything you do on Windows, even if it is with the non-cloudy version of Office.

      At least for the Home Editions. The Enterprise Editions MAY not do it (I wouldn't trust them), but in order to get them you'll have to fork over more money.

      There's already an "Office 365 Germany". Costs more than normal Office 365, but supposedly (again, I won't trust them) only uses servers in Germany under review of a German law firm.

  48. Milton Silver badge

    So go somewhere else

    Cloud services, using someone else's on-line/subscription office products, using an internet giant's email service, using Facebook or Twitter or Google—they're all largely lazy choices which buy you a bit of purported convenience at the expense of being spied upon and told what you can and cannot do.

    Not a single one of those options is without an alternative, either free ridiculously cheap or (in the case of Facebook) simply pointless in the first place.

    If you won't take responsibility for your own data, don't be surprised if you lose freedom, privacy, dignity and security. No one is offering you a free service for your own good; no one is charging you for a service because it benefits you. Wake up.

  49. cybersaur
    WTF?

    Cortana

    If Cortana would permanently uninstall itself after being told to fuck off, that would be a really good feature!

  50. Zippy's Sausage Factory
    Facepalm

    So if you try and write an episode of a modern TV show in Word, you'll lose the Office 365 licence you paid for? Interesting.

    Please, Microsoft, do tell me how well censorship will play with your customer base...

  51. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Joke

    old skool: seen on usenet:

    >>>>> 8. The battery is fairly new.

    >>>>

    >>>> And fucked. Buy a new battery.

    >>>

    >>> You might be right, but is that the only way you're able to express

    >>> yourself?

    >>

    >> Oh, dear, has the nasty man used a word you don't approve of? Well,

    >> tough

    >> titty.

    >>

    >

    > You know, there was a time in this country - not a million years ago -

    > when certain things were not said, and certain words were not used, in

    > general social situations. That has changed, and now this sort of gutter

    > language pervades almost all aspects of life. It hasn't improved

    > anything, quite the reverse, and all it demonstrates is the inability of

    > certain types to respect the language and other people.

    History says otherwise

    "What the fuck was that?" Mayor of Hiroshima

    "Where did all these fucking Indians come from?" General Custer

    "Where the fuck is all this water coming from?" Captain of the Titanic

    "Thats not a real fucking gun." John Lennon

    "Who's gonna fucking find out?" Richard Nixon

    "Heads are going to fucking roll." Anne Boleyn

    "Let the fucking woman drive." Commander of Space Shuttle "Challenger"

    "What fucking map?" Mark Thatcher

    "Any fucking idiot could understand that." Albert Einstein

    "How the fuck did you work that out?" Pythagoras

    "You want what on the fucking ceiling?" Michaelangelo

    "Fuck a duck." Walt Disney

    "Why?- Because its fucking there!" Edmund Hilary

    "I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?" Joan of Arc

    "Scattered fucking showers my ass." Noah

    "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." John F.

    Kennedy

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cortana?

    Why are you using a Microsoft account anyway?

  53. MJI Silver badge

    Of interest

    Will this stop the people using Cortina to find their porn (I have heard the recordings they do go back to base).

    As to swearing.

    What is the best way to get swearing?

    Be a Yank and say no curse words please in online gaming. At least 4 were British so plenty of colourful language from us, none abusive, other was either British, Aussie in US, or less uptight Yank, not sure, can only remember the PSN IDs of 3 of them.

    1. Roj Blake Silver badge

      Re: Of interest

      A Cortina would be great for driving down country roads to find hedge porn, but surely Cortana would be better for finding it online?

      1. Huw D

        Re: Of interest

        What if you want to ask about 15 year old Escorts or the best way to fix a Tranny?

        1. MJI Silver badge

          Re: Of interest

          I did read an interesting article about detrannying a late Land Rover Defender (dumping the Transit engine)

  54. Jim-234

    About that utopian dream of all your data in the "cloud"

    So Microsoft goes on about how you don't need your own data on your own servers & computer, just trust it all to our magic "cloud" that will always be there for you.

    Until apparently you post something that some corporate shill doesn't like and they lock you out of all your data, contacts & anything else they can.

    The things they claim will get your account and all your data deleted include some perfectly legal things (at least in countries that still respect freedom of speech and expression).

    They claim they will "only act if it's reported" but by who?... Somebody doesn't like your point of view and you are suddenly "reported"..

    Did you say something Microsoft didn't like? Is someone in Microsoft using their position to go after political or ideological opponents?

    Did they get paid by some political party to find ways to "vanish" their rivals? They take great care to specifically NOT give any information.

    Seems the more time goes forward the more it starts looking possible that the future may resemble the very many dystopian science fiction movies with a few big corporations ruling the world & making the rules with the governments not as important.

    The apologists will go on about "they are not the government so they don't have to respect your civil / speech rights"... yet the corporations are the first in like to demand they get "corporate free speech" rights and all the other rights for individuals, applied to them.

    1. georgezilla

      Re: About that utopian dream of all your data in the "cloud"

      Yeo.

      Citizens United vs, FEC

      Corporations were given the status of "people/persons", and that money equals "speech".

  55. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

    This is going to be so much fun on the train,....

    ..." Hi Cortana, what is felching?"

    Cortana:'You are Fined 1 Credit for a Violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.'

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: This is going to be so much fun on the train,....

      keep it up, the train's crapper is out of toilet paper [and all I found was these 3 sea shells]

  56. Hans 1 Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Could they also ban religious BS, while we a re at it ?

    Anything religious, like god, golden flying unicorn, Jesus, creationism, noah's ark, Adam and Eve, Eden ... stuff like that,to name but a few ... coz I find those highly offensive as well, shit, even more offensive than muthaFukker (spelled however u c fit) ... or do these not count ?

    You know, double standards and stuff like that ...

    PS: I always cover the ears of my 5yo as I walk out of Church on Sundays, because, well, for some retarded reason, in France, the church is always opposite the local pub ...sh1t, no, I meant, I cover her ears as people come out of the church ... drunks are harmless compared to brainwashed ...

    I was thinking about using AC flag for that, but nobody knows my real name is Hans Reiser anyway ... and Paris is so fitting ...

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Could they also ban religious BS, while we a re at it ?

      Not bothered by the main stream religions but creationists, can't stand them, offend me to the core.

      Even reminding them that their leaders (eg Pope, Arch Bishop Canterbury) know it is bullshit, they still keep on about it.

      Bloody religious fanboys!

  57. Electricity_Guy

    Offensive moi?

    What the fuck do they mean by offensive language?

    Who's to say what is offensive?

    1. Emmeran

      Re: Offensive moi?

      ^^ Ah the potential for maturity is strong within this one ^^

      A real Pro can cuss you out without using profanity!

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Offensive moi?

        "A real Pro can cuss you out without using profanity!"

        and you can play it for laughs...

        {What the FEEL???}

  58. Emmeran

    As fun as this is to poke fun at

    We all know why they had to do that and thus because of some nitwits out there who cannot control themselves or learn a vocabulary somebody has to act like the adult in the room occasionally.

    Some knucklehead got banned for being a mannerless jerk on-line and then sued Microsoft for the ban, so now it's in the T&C.

    See, this is why we can't have nice things.

  59. Emmeran

    As if y'all didn't see this already: https://boingboing.net/2018/03/22/craigslist-personals-shut-down.html

  60. Barry Rueger Silver badge

    Some of us saw this coming.

    Which is why my software, and my documents, remain on the computer in front of me, not in the "cloud."

    I don't know how anyone, especially a business, thought it a good idea to use Microsoft's or Google's servers and services for anything that mattered. Surely by now we all should realize that these companies will change their T&C, and even just shut down services, with no warning.

    Beyond which, when the FBI or NSA comes knocking with a search warrant I'll know about it immediately instead of whenever the Feds tell Microsoft or Google that they're allowed to tell me.

  61. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    Microsoft has ...

    ... some real cojones to pull something like this off.

  62. ukgnome Silver badge

    Microshite cuntburgers!

  63. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    To Gen Sir Nick Carter, .... Congrats ...... Do you Deal and Gamble with Programs?

    Adults-only Xbox games are OK but you can't tell Cortana to go screw itself ..... APAC Editor

    The Problem Appears be BE that One and All Can and Key Systems Admins are slowly Screwing Themselves Silly for Powerful Energies in AsSymmetrical Support to EMPower ...... AIMentor and Guide with the likes of absolutely fabulous fabless suggestions free of silicon colonisation with Key Processor Chips Leading the Way Forward After Discovering the Future .

    That Honour and Delight would Be Knightly, with Right Royal Champions Supplied to Ensure No Possibility of Deep and Dark Never-Ending Roads when Prime Virgin Forks on Futures Journeys are Bathed and Basking in the Heats of Constant Light Immaculate Energy.

    And a NEUKlearer HyperRadioProACTivated Destination made clearly available to All here now, with everyone else elsewhere a tad later, for free.

    Is your Opinion on Such as May Matter, a Great Deal Different in the CHAOS of Equally Mad Armies Laying Waste to Territories of Ancient Homely Lands.

    Madness there is confirmed, and as such would it require ESPecial Executive Attention to Retain and Retrain the Insanities which be Manifest and Truly Magnificent Magic AI Road Trips to Enjoy and Endure until Will Submission and Fresh Assumption of Heavenly Roles to Play/Enact and Flavour with the Virgin Savour of New RAW Desires.

    And that be a multi-headed Hydra for the Satyr and Nymph to Satisfy with Universal Command Controls ..... which Realise a Virtualised Script for Following Forward into a Brave New World of Futures.

    And with NEUKlearer HyperRadioProACTive IT Presenting Readily Available Options for Energy with the Powers of Virtual Realisation, with Tomorrow Slightly Different from the Present Today in the Wake of the Thoughts of Yesterday which Driver us unthinkingly back into certain specific and devilishly attractive perverse elements of the Past.

    'Tis the Sweetest of Honey Traps Known ..... Anywhere/Everywhere.

  64. Gordon Pryra

    Lot of Lies from Microsoft Here

    X-Box live has a profanity filter that you need to physically opt out of.

    Therefore for anybody to receive abusive language they would first have need to untick the box that says "stop abusive language"

    Thereby giving consent.

    Microsoft is just using this as an excuse ready for when it becomes public that they are scanning all your private data already.

    They have seen the shit storm at Facebook and know what is coming down the line is going to hit them just as hard, so they are trying to justify their use of your data and their scanning of that data.

    I could never understand why people saved stuff to the cloud and expected it to stay private.

    1. pɹɐʍoɔ snoɯʎuouɐ
      Coat

      Re: Lot of Lies from Microsoft Here

      "I could never understand why people saved stuff to the cloud and expected it to stay private"

      when ever i read anything that say "the cloud" my dyslexia kicks in and I read it as "someone else's computer"

      I run my own personal someone else's computer with nextcloud on a little raspberry pi for all my someone else's computer needs....

    2. King Jack Silver badge

      ... when it becomes public that they are scanning all your private data

      Windows 10 already scans everything on your machine. Even local searches are sent to them. It has a keylogger so every password is passed on to them for 'safe keeping'. I agree that this is just a smoke screen to halt the wheel of fortune turning on them when the Farcebook lynching dies down.

  65. Mark 85 Silver badge

    So.. servers also....

    I hope to hell that El Reg isn't hosted on an MS server somewhere.

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: So.. servers also....

      I hope to hell it is ..... so that Full Access to MS Systems Servering is Assured, and Very Practically Provided for via Prime User Content Shared/Phished/Pilfered.

  66. pɹɐʍoɔ snoɯʎuouɐ

    Bollocks to that,,,,

    Its legislation creep,,,,

    it will start off where they dont "monitor" your private conversations or emails... but sooner or later they will drop in a little change to the t&c's to allow them to take a look just for quality of service maintenance or some other shit.... then off to room 101

  67. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Still okay to skype while using an AK47 I take it?

    1. onefang Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      Graphic violence is banned, so I guess skyping while using an AK47 is fine so long as their's no pictures or video.

  68. A.F-G

    (slightly cynical) Oh the Great Idea of Morality is back...

    If they try to enforce it, they will undoubtedly run into occurrences of words or expressions that have different meaning depending on the context or intention.

    It reminds me of the great purge of "porn" domain names in enterprise firewalls, which made some tools unattainable... I remember, on my first job, freshly out of uni, receiving a menacing mail one week after starting, for consulting pornography website. At the time, I was working with VxWorks Ex, wich had a dedicated website... www.vxworkSEX.com . Real-time pornography for real-time developers... :)

  69. jelabarre59 Silver badge

    Oz

    A Norwegian version would have trouble with Dorothy's dog from "The Wizard of Oz" then. And no one gesturing "OK!" in the Brazilian version.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Big Brother

      Re: Oz

      Not so fast chum, Bestiality was only just made illegal !!!

  70. JohnFen Silver badge

    Another reason in the list

    I'll add this to my lengthy list of reasons to avoid software-as-a-service to the greatest extent possible.

  71. Jim4251

    Thank you Microsoft, this is the first time in decades that your decisions make my life easier versus harder. Because of the threat involved in this I can honestly say it is now a termination offence to use a microsoft account in our organization. Likewise the store is out because of same. Thank you thank you for your decision.

    Plonk,

    Bye Bye

  72. This post has been deleted by its author

  73. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Alert

    correction

    “Simon Sharwood of The Register is sh*t” or telling Cortana to “f*ck off

    Simon Sharwood of The Register is shot for telling Cortana to "f*ck off"

  74. georgezilla

    Does that mean .....

    that if enough people complain that, oh, say words like .....

    God

    or Jesus,

    or other religious words/phrases,

    are hate speech/obscene, that those people using them will also be banned?

    HOT DAMN! Sign me the fuck up!!!!

  75. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All very well Microsoft saying they are going to do this. Reality is that this is probably nothing more than a suitably packaged statement to make them look compliant to FOSTA/SESTA.

    In real terms if they switched this on, even a team of 50,000 Microsoft people could not keep up with the volume of complaints, investigations, suspensions, appeals, etc in the real world as millions of people globally are already cussing and also there would be soooo many false positives. They may as well shut down all of Skype and Office365.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ha, you'd be surprised

  76. Old Handle
    WTF?

    Wait what?

    So if I post a nude picture online (I have, not necessarily of myself), and Bing finds it (they did, I just checked), does that count as using the services to share objectionable content?

    Bing is only good for porn anyway, I can't see them shutting that off.

  77. Geezheeztall

    One can dream.

    I would laugh if cursing at Cortana on a Windows PC would permanently discontinue the service. Sadly the data slurping would still be left to the NSA.

  78. Winkypop Silver badge
    Facepalm

    I said Jehovah

    But I think I got away with it.

  79. arkhangelsk

    I can just about understand (if not agree with) things like Skype. But E-mail and worse, even Word documents? Oh dear.

  80. post-truth

    This could be fun. All justice and law enforcement systems had better get rid of all their Microsoft products then. How would courts or police be able to process:

    - accurate testimony, anything being routinely acceptable (except the five-letter F-word - "fraud")?

    - photographic evidence?

    - much film evidence?

    - audio evidence?

    - case theories?

    - indictments?

    - pleadings?

    - depositions?

    - Court transcripts?

    - Court judgments?

    - police body cameras? (maybe that's the explanation of why body cams so unaccountably switch themselves off so much, microshaft has been field-trialing their algorithms to avoid recording events that might be crimes and therefore offensive to somebody somewhere...)

  81. onefang Silver badge
    Mushroom

    "involving, for example, nudity, bestiality, pornography, offensive language, graphic violence, or criminal activity"

    Dear Microsoft,

    go suck on a dead dingoes donger, you motherfucking cunts.

    Yours sincerely,

    onefang.

    I guess that covers bestiality, pornography, offensive language (I used the word Microsoft), and the icon should cover graphic violence. If I could include two icons, the second would be Paris, coz (at least in my imagination) she's nude in that photo. As for criminal activity, I'm sure something in this post is criminal in some country somewhere.

    If this post ends up on Bing, I'd be happy for Microsoft to delete all my Microsoft accounts. Then I might finally stop getting LinkdIn emails addressed "Dear Deleted,".

  82. TheMeerkat

    This seems like a trend - private companies policing what we are allowed and what we are not allowed to say. Starting from so-called “hate speech” up to use of swear words in private communications.

    1. Frank Fisher

      'Zactly, and all without a line of legislation. 1984 enforced via gentleman's agreements so it can't be repealed. This smart chap talked about such things a decade ago https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/jan/26/lawandorders

  83. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You're all missing the point

    So be it that you can get flagged or banned for using 'inappropriate' words or language, that's the least of your worries. They are flat out saying that even though they don't intent to or typically monitor or watch or listen to your conversations or activity; they say they have the right to do it and will do it. Should we believe that after all they are really good guys and they will only monitor and listen when they've been flagged or when it's appropriate or necessary in their opinion? Haven't we heard this before? I think not, just one more nail in the no privacy coffin. .

  84. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    For real?

    I'm beginning to think this will be on Snopes if it isn't already...

  85. Snow Wombat
    FAIL

    (involving, for example, nudity, bestiality, pornography, offensive language, graphic violence, or criminal activity).

    Based on which locale's laws?

    What is considered bad in the US, might be A ok (if somewhat distasteful) in many other countries.

    This will be an enforcement nightmare.

  86. Jakester

    The U.S. has some towns with names Redmon minions might not like...

    Boar Tush, Bald Knob, Bush, Clam Gulch, Blue Ball, Clam Beach, Woody, Butts, Cumming, Dickshooter, Lick Creek, Intercourse, Ding Dong - just some of the unusual name found on:

    https://www.estately.com/blog/2016/09/the-complete-list-of-lewd-sounding-town-names-in-america/

    I don't know how accurate the list is.

  87. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "OH Fcuk No" you silly tits

    Now what will you do?

  88. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is this for real?

    Sorry, WTF?

    A corporation dictating what I can put in my personal email correspondence and documents?? Which implies that I have zero expectation of privacy (just in case I hadn't realised that already).

    And just this week our company was berated for not having our email platform in the cloud and hosting our own server as we do (because that's just so backward you know).

    Un-fucking-believable.

  89. David Thomas

    As an academic who works on information and media I sometimes have to discuss texts containing words which Microsoft will doubtless ban. Shakespeare, for example is full of such words. I could quote them but don't want my account suspended by El Reg. I think a better headline would have been 'Microsoft bans Shakespeare'. Reminds me of Lord Macaulay in 1830 'We know no spectacle so ridiculous as the British public in one of its periodical fits of morality'. Just substitute American for British and his lordship had it in a nutshell.

  90. Andy3

    Surely this is an April Fool's day gag?

  91. DropBear Silver badge

    "The Register understands the legalese needs to be broad"

    Why, what's wrong with "If any of the content you submit through [list of apps] gets reported to us and we don't like it for any reason we may cancel your account as a result if we want to. FYI, we have always been reserving the right to do that without any justification whatsoever"...?

  92. Frank Fisher

    Now who's wearing a tinfoil helmet?

    See mofos, it's all actually happening. Every word you say, every word you type, monitored for thoughtcrimes at all times.

    You can't say you were not warned.

    Keep laughing. Keep making excuses for it. Please, keep laughing. If you keep laughing it can't hurt you.

  93. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    awkward point

    Does this mean that if anything religious on the Microsoft network would get the account banned?

    This is a very serious point.

    There are some things written that not everyone would agree with and some would take offense to, that being the case would that result in a ban? does that mean Microsoft are outlawing religion? where does that leave us....

    Imagine the Bible or the Quran or any religious text being banned for quoting it..... just wow. This is actually blowing my mind right now.

  94. Whit.I.Are

    Inappropriate content

    What is inappropriate content?

    If someone is being a c*nt and you call him a c*nt in an email, I'd say that was wholly appropriate.

  95. MacroRodent Silver badge

    Illegal

    I'm pretty sure it would be illegal for Microsoft to scan private email and skype messages just based on user complaints in Finland and other countries with strict privacy legislation. But of course at that point they would argue the server is in the U.S...

  96. N2 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Excellent

    Anything that shrinks their customer base must be a good thing, well done for yet another hole in the foot which must both resemble a culinder by now.

    Whereas shooting each other is probably absolutely fine.

    Wankers of the very highest order.

  97. Pat Harkin

    Gosh darn it all to heck.

    Just when FaceBook don't do enough, Microsoft go too fudging far.

  98. Miss_X2m1

    H.R.1865 - Allow States and Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act of 2017

    https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/1865

    Even Craigslist shut down their entire personals advertising sections. But I suspect Microsoft and other companies are reacting to this new law.

  99. Jtom Bronze badge

    First Amendment laws do not apply, but there are discrimination laws that might. Take a look at George Carlin's seven banned words (ok, I'm dating myself). Most of those words were of Anglo-Saxon or old English derivation that were banned by the ruling Norman royalty in their courts after they invaded England because they were the language of the 'common people', or the vulgarus.

    Oppressing a group's language and deeming it offensive and making it illegal/forbidden is about as discriminatory as you can get. If it is legal to say 'defecate', then one must be able to say 'shit'.

  100. Bob. Hitchen
    Black Helicopters

    Much Ado about Nothing

    WGAF I don't use any of that verbose shit.

  101. heyrick Silver badge
  102. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Allow me to be the 1,000,000th person..

    ..to say from the heart: "Fuck you, Microsoft."

  103. Kyle Roberts

    Hypocrites?

    There are some commentators here obviously offended that their rants are considered offensive by some 'wowsers'. There are only two possibilities. You must either be: A) an absolute Libertarian and NO public speech however offensive, vile, crude or debased should ever be forbidden at any time... OR B) you believe there IS some kind of line that people should be encouraged not to cross.

    If B), then if you lambast folk who have a different 'line' or standard, then unless you can appeal to a higher authority than all mankind then YOU are a hypocrite - doing the very thing you criticise in others.

  104. Brian Allan 1

    What is offensive?

    Has MS published a list of words it views as offensive?

  105. Captain Boing

    so... the story of Laputa - castle in the sky will be an account banning tome?

    ("La Puta" is big swears in Spanish)

    This is madness - how do they expect to process language differences, bhenchod?

  106. Hargrove

    And amidst the wreckage a major unnoticed WTF

    The real hidden bomb in all of this is that, unless I'm completely off base, the new SLA effectively cuts off all support for legacy configurations, and presents users with a take it or quit using our products.

    One specific is that the way that Cortana is bundled with W10 (exc. the new LTSB configuration) it can't be removed. And it's on the list. As I read it MS has just absolved themselves of all responsibility whether the user employs their on line services or not.

  107. AKemwave

    Skype is Broken

    Once, long ago, I loved that Skype point to point encrypted. Then M$ bought it, presumably because the United States government offered a large reward to an entity that managed to break Skype encryption. Some months later I noticed Skype's once magical echo cancelling had been broken, so that now one or both parties must use earphones. The new poor performance is consistent with my theory that Skype latency increased beyond it's codec echo cancelling capacity due to a new requirement that audio packets no longer are allowed to route point to point but must transverse a M$ server. Since at my location there is probably no local M$ server, Skype has turned into sh*t. Poo on them. I'll poke Silk into my own asterisk server.

  108. elgarak1

    It's not about censorship

    To anyone who focuses on the free speech aspect: That's not the outrageous part at all.

    The problem is that MS admits that it can, and will, go through all your data, with the most spurious of triggers. Implicitly, it admits that your data on the private plans is not protected at all. Additionally, it grants itself an extremely wide range of rights of what it can do with that data (I doubt those claims would hold up in US courts, and they are probably void in European jurisdictions – I am sure they are by German contract law – but good luck going through the legal hassles for clearing that up).

    The problem is that all this happening on service plans that cost money. In short, it is not worth it to pay this money. You can go with the free offerings from google or whoever. Your privacy and protection is equally bad then, but you save the subscription – and get better software tools anyway.

    Ostensibly, if you want protection and encryption, you'll have to buy one of the business plans. They're not that much expensive than the private plans. On paper, the claims with regards to privacy and protection look a lot better. Yeah, I'm not sure I would trust MS that they don't do bad things on those, too. In fact, currently I would trust even google's business plans more than Microsoft's. Sad.

    1. elgarak1

      Re: It's not about censorship

      Oh, and one thing more: If you use Windows 10 Home or Pro, your privacy is out the window anyway. Switching to LibreOffice won't save you. And even on the Windows 10 Enterprise editions MS has already shown that one cannot trust the built in privacy settings.

      1. elgarak1

        Re: It's not about censorship

        All this is probably not a big deal for big companies. They have IT departments that can keep the data leaks in check (if they're competent), and those companies have legal departments and deep pockets to whack Microsoft into compliance.

        It is problematic for small business, freelancers (artists, photographers, journalists, writers etc.), and activists.

        I am not saying the following out of fanboyism, but after careful consideration of all the facts as they are known to me: If you can afford it, and privacy matters to you, get a Mac. Second best is getting Linux, which has the advantage of being the one that will save you money (privacy protection here is even better as it is on a Mac if you know what you're doing, but it comes with a serious down in terms of comfort). If you cannot leave the Windows/Microsoft ecosystem, get Business/Enterprise Editions and Plans, and hope for the best. Yes, it means spending more money, and it means doing more work maintaining privacy and keep your system the way you want it, as Microsoft has shown it is dabbling with it all the time.

        No, I don't trust Apple implicitly and look carefully at what they say and do. However, currently there's no better alternative to them, unless you want to leave digital life behind.

  109. Ishtiaq
    FAIL

    Oh come on

    Look at the date today. April 1

  110. razorfishsl

    it will be fun for all the legal firms.......

    say for example they get a case where verbal abuse is used and they have to document it.

    Then they will potentially get banned for documenting the details.

  111. Howard Hanek
    Childcatcher

    The Operative Adjective Is Censor

    'Cloud Computing' has become 'Censored Cloud Computing'.........comrades.

  112. seagull

    DUH...

    With the exception of those folks who have to use windoze as part of their continued employment.

    Do you really need anymore reasons, to leave windoze??

  113. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I know a Swedish lady who blushed whenever I mentioned the name of my dog

    And I bet the shortly to be narried Ms Middleton may have had a similar effect.

    Apparently "Pippa" means something interesting in colloquial Swedish.

    I wonder if Swedes will see press reports of the wedding between <deleted> and Harry

  114. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Eight, sir; seven, sir;

    Six, sir; five, sir;

    Four, sir; three, sir;

    Two, sir; one!

    Tenser, said the Tensor.

    Tenser, said the Tensor.

    Tension, apprehension,

    And dissension have begun

  115. xhosa

    What the F...K!

    another reason to just hate Microsoft and one more why I don't use them.

    It's like they were a part of China. Xi JindiddeliPing sort of!

    Well, I bought a windows 10 with my new pc for a few $ just to be able to abuse the stinkin' AI with my foulest language. Feeling depressed I can always change the disk in my laptop, start the bloody windows OS and abuse the AI without being prosecuted.

    You know, to release pressure... everyone does it... change disks, i mean

    Well! No more!

    Arrrrgh!

    1. onefang Silver badge

      "Well, I bought a windows 10 with my new pc for a few $ just to be able to abuse the stinkin' AI with my foulest language"

      Ah, now we find out the real reason for this move by Microsoft, marketing to us foul mouthed folk. Made you buy one, ker-ching!

  116. Miss_X2m1

    How do they know?

    Obviously, they will have to monitor you entirely to be able to carry out their threats. Governments wanted to get into your computer and view all your data but the tech companies wouldn't give them a back door. So now government walks into your computer through the front door. A total abuse of power. Sick bastards.

  117. Uncle Ron

    Optional

    It appears that unless someone complains, you are safe. Am I reading this correctly? If my girlfriend and I exchange selfies (assuming she doesn't complain to M$) there is no problem, correct?

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