back to article Cambridge Analytica seeks data protection assistant

UK data analytics firm Cambridge Analytica, whose HQ is a stone's throw from the buzz of Covent Garden in London, England, is on the hunt for a data protection assistant. The London offices are close to the British Museum and many iconic landmarks, so if you enjoy the sort of high-profile workplace that tech wunderkind Mark …

  1. msknight Silver badge

    You can't make this shit up.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Sure you can

      El reg unfortunately does not keep BOFH non-BOFH archives.

      There was an excellent piece by Simon dated 1998? Or maybe even earlier. It was called: "Job Posting: Departamental Scapegoat Required"

      Unfortunately, it looks like it has been 1984-ed out of the Internet.

      1. Symon Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Sure you can

        Back in the day, where I used to work, one of our middle managers wrote a 'Blame Allocation Form' and had it approved and subsequently added to the official company project management documents.

        1. DNTP

          Re: Blame allocation form

          And here the best I can do is sneaking the MSDS for Tide Pods into our document store every year, "just in case someone tries that thing on site."

        2. Nick Kew Silver badge

          Re: Sure you can

          Blame is a regular concept in software management. It's even part of the tools: cf "svn blame".

        3. Sam Therapy

          Re: Sure you can

          I wrote a Crisis Management flowchart once - without approval, of course - and left a copy on everyone's desk. The gist of it was, no matter what you did, someone in management would kick your arse.

          I never did own up to that one, although several department managers had their suspicions.

      2. msknight Silver badge

        Re: Sure you can

        Apparently there is BOFH archive - http://bofh.bjash.com/

        1. BebopWeBop Silver badge

          Re: Sure you can

          Apparently there is BOFH archive - http://bofh.bjash.com/

          well number 1 is a gem - it just keeps getting better - but you can see the malevolent emerging...

      3. rmason Silver badge

        Re: Sure you can

        It's absolutely this,

        Future scapegoat required, apply within.

        Salary commensurate with how much of an obvious patsy you are.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Sure you can

          Future scapegoat required, apply within.

          Given the probable lifespan left to CA, it's going to be a very short-term position.

          1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

            Re: Sure you can

            Given the probable lifespan left to CA, it's going to be a very short-term position.

            Nature abhord vacuum

            Свято место пусто не бывает

            Die Natur schreckt vor der Leere zurück

            This company was created for the purposes of deniably exercising our policy of intervention in the democratic process elsewhere. CA will live. Forever. Under different name(s). The key people will remain the same too - that is the nature of UK business especially ones which are connected at the hip to the DoD the same way the government is connected at the hip to the mob in cleptocracies.

            Now, the position of the Data Protection analyst will definitely be short lived. Maybe even in more than one sense of this word.

          2. Mark 85 Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: Sure you can

            Given the probable lifespan left to CA, it's going to be a very short-term position.

            Hint any applicants... don't take them up on the offer for stock options. Ask for the money instead. And don't take anything personal for your desk decorations.

            Icon: Mine's the one hanging right next to my chair. I've left the car running for a fast escape.

          3. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            Re: Sure you can

            ... it's going to be a very short-term position.

            Best negotiate a suitable golden parachute then.

            [hint: get the cash up front]

          4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Sure you can

            "it's going to be a very short-term position."

            Sole duty: being the last one out to turn off the lights.

    2. N2 Silver badge

      Re: You can't make this shit up.

      Well, it would appear you can.

      I must admit I'd have a job keeping staright faced if I got to an interview.

  2. msknight Silver badge
    Coat

    You know... pretty soon, everyone will be so scared of getting caught in a jape on April 1st, that it will turn out to be the only day of the year when unbelievable crap doesn't actually happen.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bit F***ing late

    Do we really think Zuck's cowboys are going to have their s**t together for May 18th?

  4. wolfetone Silver badge

    "Job Type: Temporary

    Required education:

    Bachelor's"

    So either they don't have that big of a problem, or they don't intend to be around for very much longer.

    And really? You need a Bachelors to understand data protection?

    1. ARGO

      Of course it's temporary

      You don't keep a scapegoat after they've served their purpose.

      1. elDog Silver badge

        Re: Of course it's temporary

        Yes, and those industrial shredders don't really care about skin and bones. There must be some drainage catchment at the bottom, I'd think.

    2. macjules Silver badge

      You need a Bachelors to understand data protection?

      Some of those shredders are really complicated nowadays.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Required education: Bachelor's....So either they don't have that big of a problem, or they don't intend to be around for very much longer. And really? You need a Bachelors to understand data protection?

      You misunderstand, Mr Wolfetone. Cambridge Analytica just want an unmarried male geek. Somebody happy to work late, come into the office at the drop of hat, live on a diet of pizza and cola gobbled in the office, educated in the bachelor customs of forgoing regular laundry and all personal hygiene in return for a shit salary and no thanks.

      Married men wouldn't get away with that*, and all of womankind is too smart to even consider such a crap job.

      * Except for the Outer Mongolian Custard Monster - see a few posts down.

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        @ledswinger

        gobbled in the office

        These days you can get arrested for doing that at work.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @ledswinger

          These days you can get arrested for doing that at work.

          One of the few occasions that I'm not disappointed to be not-so-young. ;D

    4. myhandler

      Well if you've read any of the GDPR stuff, then yes, you need a degree.

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Big Brother

        FTFY

        "Well if you've read any of the GDPR stuff, then yes, you need a degree." ..of insanity

    5. hplasm Silver badge
      Happy

      Job spec-

      "Required education:

      Bachelor's""

      Bring your own tins of soup.

    6. PNGuinn
      Trollface

      "Job Type: Temporary Required education: Bachelor's"

      Can't have wifey poking about, can we?

      You know, security and all that ...

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This person will be employed long before the ICO get there.

    1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
      Holmes

      ICO going to CA

      Hands up all those who think that the ICO won't find diddly squat at CA. All the incriminating evidence will be long gone either to the shredder and incinerator and security erased after being copied to somewhere that governments in the west can't get at ... say Russia or China?

      then next week, CA will go into Liquidation and rise from the ashes as Oxford Analytica.

      1. Tom Paine Silver badge

        Re: ICO going to CA

        They're clowns. If they know anything about DFIR I'll eat my EnCase User Guide.

  6. K Silver badge

    If the role allows the testing ...

    .. Of the "supposed" (included for legal reasons) Honey Trap's, just to ensure they meet GDPR requirements (Gorgeous, Dirty, Perky and Real).

    Then I may just be interested.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: If the role allows the testing ...

      Of the "supposed" (included for legal reasons) Honey Trap's, just to ensure they meet GDPR requirements (Gorgeous, Dirty, Perky and Real).

      Even based on the little we know about the taste of politicians worldwide it is probably advisable not test ride the honey traps. They may not be to everyone's taste and you may end up on lists which is very difficult to get out of.

      1. elDog Silver badge

        Re: If the role allows the testing ...

        Or with a new STD (to complement your own). Poli's do seem to like to take a bounce or two...

  7. Outer mongolian custard monster from outer space (honest)

    I showed this to my wife, and she said immediately "oh there you go, you like a challenge, you should apply". Thats why I love her, she's such a subtle troll at times :-)

    One does presume it comes with a entire fireproof bodysuit and a liking for being pursued by angry mobs however. Perhaps they should rejig the title, "wanted, snowball juggler for important mission navigating hell".

  8. Anonymous Coward
    1. Oddlegs

      Re: Guardian article

      The most amazing thing about this whole revelation is that people seem to genuinely believe that the other side weren't up to exactly the same

      1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

        Re: Guardian article

        The most amazing thing about this whole revelation is that people seem to genuinely believe that the other side weren't up to exactly the same

        Oh, sure they were. They hired a worse agency.

        They should have looked for references - whom did we use to interfere with democratic processes abroad since 1993. Who has appropriate references from 3 letters in more than one 5 eyes country. Instead of that Clinton campaign hired someone based on nepotism (I bet).

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @Voland ... "whom did we use to interfere with democratic processes abroad"

          Sorry, I've lost track - who do you mean by "we", exactly? I presume it's not the Royal "we", or referring to humanity as a whole, ... perhaps a nation state or other economic-cultural grouping of some kind? I only ask because for some posters, it's not always easy to tell which one might be meant. And in this case, "interfering with overseas democratic processes" is quite the popular pastime, so doesn't really narrow things down.

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Guardian article

          whom did we use to interfere with democratic processes abroad since 1993

          The CIA, MI6, KGB/FSB, Mossad[1], whatever-the-German-one-is-called..

          [1] Amusingly, Mossad's original title indicated that their role was to help smuggle Jews into what was then the British Mandate of Palestine in defiance of the British rules prohibiting them. Their role seems to have somewhat changed.

        3. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
          Thumb Up

          Re: Guardian article

          ...whom did we use to interfere with democratic processes abroad since 1993.

          I'm enjoying the delicious irony of a foreign country interfering in US elections.

          As we USAians have been doing in various third world countries since WWII.

          Turnabout, I think, is fair play. At least there haven't been any unfortunate deaths of opposition candidates.

          1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

            Re: Guardian article

            I'm enjoying the delicious irony of a foreign country interfering in US elections.

            SUCCESSFULLY. WITH WRITTEN RECORD. AND PROOF. AND SLIDEWARE WHICH OWNS TO IT. AND PROVEN CONNECTION TO A FOREIGN GOVERNMENT GOING BACK SOLID 25 YEARS

            Damn. Karma is a bitch ain't it. Pity it is impossible to get popcorn any more. All suppliers are out of stock - everyone is ordering it using Caterpillar and Belaz mining trucks.

        4. elDog Silver badge

          Re: Guardian article

          I would just ask Tony. He seems to have had some excellent contacts to make a total duffer into a merely bumbling idjit.

      2. JohnFen Silver badge

        Re: Guardian article

        Really? I don't know a single person who thinks that.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Guardian article

      Unnecessary distraction.

      Can we have all the files on their mutual and close relationship with HMG on behalf of their parent company since 1993. The ones that have been shipping in crates from their premises while the DPA is pretending that it will search them.

      Anything else aside I would like to have a list of destinations where I should start avoiding using my British passport and switch to back ups instead. Nothing personal, I just do not fancy getting lynched after the next leak.

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Guardian article

        " destinations where I should start avoiding using my British passport .."

        Red or Blue?

    3. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Guardian article

      Another thought.

      Cambridge Analytica is connected at the hip to HMG. It was founded as a DoD operation - see its corporate history and SCL to this day remains a List X company.

      So, where are the sanctions? For interfering with the USA elections?

  9. tiggity Silver badge

    I liked your deliberate emphasis on this line

    The biz says the candidate should have "an interest in and enthusiasm for data protection".

    With the whole data slurping mission of CA being rather at odds with data privacy / protection rules

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: I liked your deliberate emphasis on this line

      " "an interest in and enthusiasm for data protection".

      and it's circumvention...

      Implied, not specified...

    2. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: I liked your deliberate emphasis on this line

      Well.. they slurp everyone else's data and you're job will be to keep the slurped data safe from the prying eyes of any law enforcement, investigators, etc..

  10. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "analyse data breaches and information security incidents"

    Translation: Analyse the entire business.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    perks of the job

    Include being the only person in the business with a clue about data protection and Ugandan discussions with Ukranian service providers.............

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      a data protection assistant

      Well, "assistant" does rather imply that there is someone with a more senior title that includes the words "data protection" that the "assistant" will be..erm...assisting. But that's obviously not the case.

  12. The Specialist
    Devil

    CA

    I'm reliably informed that they are also after a new pair of barn doors.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: CA

      Stable doors, Shirley? Barn doors are for shooting at. Something else they seem incapable of doing correctly. Maybe they should be ordering a barrel of fish?

  13. Potemkine! Silver badge

    Small prints

    "If you are being caught, Cambridge Analytica will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This contract will self-destruct in five seconds"

  14. Stoneshop Silver badge
    Trollface

    Data Protection Assistant

    "Our new login policy requires you to set your password to Correct Horse Bolted Stable"

  15. Roj Blake Silver badge

    Journalists

    I wonder how many of the applicants will be undercover journalists...

  16. JohnFen Silver badge

    Resume

    I wouldn't want CA on my resume -- it would be a big warning sign that I may not be all that trustworthy.

    1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Resume

      That's seen as a plus in some circles...

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Resume

      "I wouldn't want CA on my resume"

      I quite liked SuperCalc.

  17. Someone Else Silver badge
    Big Brother

    What they don't say

    Among the main responsibilities listed in the ad [...] are to "provide advice and guidance on data protection legislation" and "support the response to any data protection related queries from within the business".

    The "responsibility" they don't list is: Define mechanisms to circumvent data protection measures taken by our targets."

  18. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    FAIL

    Rearange the following ...

    Has, After, Door, The, The, Stable, Horse, Left, Locking, Bolted

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