back to article UK.gov: Name a more iconic duo than 'culture' and 'digital'. We'll wait

Minister for fun Matt Hancock, of eponymous app fame, has unveiled a report titled "Culture is Digital" (PDF), aimed at boosting the "ultimate power couple" sectors via "an ambitious framework". The report from the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport (DDCMS) is supposedly all about "using technology to drive …

  1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    More iconic due

    Lotion and Kleenex.

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: More iconic due

      HMG?

      Arse and Elbow.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: More iconic due

        I'll go for Politicians and Bullshit.

  2. Philip Stott

    Seriously, do these people ever come out of their own a***holes to take a look at the world around them!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      They're all like this in the "digital" departments in central government. I spent a couple of years working with the "Digital Directorate" at the Scottish Government. It's all "digital" this and "agile" that. We had to put post its on the walls just to make sure we looked agile enough.

      We had digital consultants running digital maturity sessions, so that other departments could sign up to find out just how digital they actually were. Anyone with some cool sounding buzzwords was in with a good chance of getting a slice of the public money pie. Value Chain Mapping was a big one (Simon Wardley got a decent wedge out of the Scottish taxpayer). Blockchain for everything was the order of the day - even though in a department of over 100 I could only find two people who could actually explain it to me correctly.

      In all seriousness, these people can't survive in the world around them - the public sector is a haven for charlatans and the third rate who can parrot buzzwords. But as we've seen over and over again they're not very good at successful delivery.

      Anonymous because - well you never know when I might be looking for easy work.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Reading this post is making me twitch.

  3. wolfetone Silver badge

    He's the type of wanker who thinks the line "Knowledge is porridge" is a belter.

  4. John Mangan

    I know I'm getting old . . .

    ...but I just can't take to the sprinkling of 'digital' throughout documents as some kind of placeholder for genuine information/thought/strategy.

    If digital = culture^2 + 4 * technology then solve for 'y'.

    Show your working.

    1. My-Handle

      Re: I know I'm getting old . . .

      If I remember my biology correctly, a bacterial culture (I assume that's what is being referred to here) grows exponentially over time. So culture = c ^ t, where c is the initial culture (a constant) and t is time.

      Likewise, according to Moore's law, technology gets more powerful over time, doubling every 18 months. So this should produce a similar equation, albeit with a different constant. Call these cC and tC, for cultural constant and technological constant

      This gives: 'digital' = (cC ^ t) ^ 2 + 4 * (tC ^ t).

      I.e. a constant and very large waste of time.

  5. tiggity Silver badge

    Improve museums

    How about dusting off some of the items in storage and letting the public see them, too many items languish in museums across the UK. ... and also tour them around the UK (not everyone can afford extortionate train ticket to London to see stuff)*

    .. Though that might need a few paid staff - if my local museums anything to go by, way too dependent on volunteers - paid staff thin on the ground.

    * Yes I know some stuff does tour around the UK, & kudod there, but not enough IMHO

    Seeing stuff online in digital (high resolution) format is OK if you cannot get to a museum to see it in person (or its in ******* storage) but theres no substitute for actually seeing something in the real world. e.g. everyone knows Vermeer s "Girl with a pearl earring" is a tiny painting, but you only really appreciate that (and the consumate skill involved) when you see it "in person"

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "using technology to drive audience engagement, boosting the digital capability of cultural organisations and unleashing the creative potential of technology"

    My bullshit buzzword detector just went off.

    So they are making museums like libraries so you can get internet access there, Why didn't they just say that?

    It can't be anything more than because I really don't think the majority of museum staff will be technically minded enough for augmented reality. I think some are also volunteers due to the nature of the organisations.

  7. Dan 55 Silver badge

    Where we're going wrong

    In the week where we also had the articles about the ZX81 and Trevor Bayliss, this highlights what the problem is. There's no support for people who invent things and hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of support if you can chain some buzzwords together.

  8. John70

    Think I'll change job title to...

    Senior Agile Digital DevOps Scrum Master Software Engineer

    or Senior Software Developer for short.

  9. SVV Silver badge

    My name is Matt Hancock and I am cultural. And digital.

    By focusing on the synergies between buzzwords and bullshit – where the DDCMS has dual competitive advantage – this Digital Culture Report focuses on the use of digital technology to drive our cultural sector's global status and the engagement, diversity and well-being of audiences. Basically, we'll be sending £2m on commissioing reports and seminars and PR campaigns full of meaningless drivel like this that would be hurled back onto any child's desk in anger by any decent English teacher.

    But, hey dn't tell anyone but this is really a clever postmodernist jape satirising the sort of rubbish these subsidy munchers shovel out in order to justify their continued existence,,,,,,, oh, OK sorry no that's not true : I really put this shit out seriously with a straight face because someone in the department wrote it and I didn't really understand it but it sounded clever and modern. Errm, really it's just about them all putting photos and videos of, you know, their stuff on the internet so you kind of don't really need to go there any more, so maybe we could just close them because as photos on the internet, well it's almost as good isn't it, and anyway it's not fair that most of it is in London which is where I live and I get mightily bored having to go out to all their events and meet all these trendy lefty arts types and listen to their awful pretentious waffle. No more. Producing meaningless mission statements longer than any produced before in the history of nonsense is going to be MY cultural contribution to the world!

  10. Roj Blake Silver badge

    It could be worse...

    Imagine if Hancock was in charge of a department that had actual impact.

  11. Buster

    The cold hard economic benefit of cultural artefacts that have not been digitised is that to see and experience them you have to get of your shiny arse and pay to get to them. Then you get an unmediated experience that cannot be blown up or reduced to fit a screen with texture and colour range that is not limited by technology. Rarely is flat art all that flat so however well lit a reproduction is, it can only ever be a singular reference. Scale is one of the most important choices an artist makes and in a way everything that follows is bound up in that decision. It may seem arty farty but if you value seeing your favourite film in a cinema it is not all that different. Mind you it may be a digitally enhanced version that is just not the same.......

    Warning. Sometimes there will be an emotional event that will be hard to describe.

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