back to article Suspected drug dealer who refused to poo for 46 DAYS released... on bail

A suspected drug dealer's bowels have won out over Essex cops after he was released from custody by resisting the urge to poo for 46 days. Lamarr Chambers, 24, was arrested in the UK town of Harlow, in Essex, on 17 January for failing to stop his car and on suspicion of intent to supply Class A drugs, which cops believed he …

  1. TRT Silver badge

    Ah well...

    It saves on the paperwork, I suppose.

    1. wolfetone Silver badge

      Re: Ah well...

      Or it's a good use for the paperwork at least

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ah well...

        "Or it's a good use for the paperwork at least"

        Otherwise known as "bumf" - IIRC short for "bum fodder"

    2. Adam 52 Silver badge

      Re: Ah well...

      Have you any idea the amount of paperwork involved in keeping someone in custody for 46 days?

      1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

        Re: Ah well...

        Have you any idea the amount of paperwork involved in keeping someone in custody for 46 days?

        There is a point when Indian police approach of force-feeding bananas under similar circumstances starts to seem more humane.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: ... Indian police approach of force-feeding bananas ...

          They don't call them Peelers for nothing, you know.

        2. Stoneshop Silver badge
          Flame

          Re: Ah well...

          There is a point when Indian police approach of force-feeding bananas under similar circumstances starts to seem more humane.

          I have it on good authority that a solid mug or two of Pu-Ehr tea will have the same effect.

          1. Charles 9 Silver badge

            Re: Ah well...

            That's some pretty expensive stuff, though, IIRC. I would think lactulose or milk of magnesia would be more practical.

            1. Stoneshop Silver badge

              Re: Ah well...

              Pu-Ehr tea? About maybe twice the price of a midrange common Assam. You're probably thinking of the several years old variety which can indeed be rather pricey, but you don't need that. And checking around, even the 15 year old stuff is way under a tenner for 100g.

              So even that is definitely cheaper than keeping the guy in custody for nearly seven weeks, even if you have to treat him with a gallon of the stuff before his sphincter surrenders.

              1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
                Coat

                Re: Ah well...

                For some strange reason "sphincter surrenders" is resonating in my skull to the tune of Beat Surrender by The Jam.

        3. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: Ah well...

          "force-feeding bananas "

          A tiny amount of phenolphthalein on the water would have a more decisive effect.

          Just don't overdo it. My chemistry teacher at high school claimed that when _he_ was a lad someone doctored the teachers staffroom coffee urn one lunchtime, resulting in virtually the entire staff spending all afternoon in the karzis and some needing several days off.

          (This was the same chemistry teacher who blew a hole in the bottom of the school swimming pool whilst demonstrating the explosive properties of "around a pound" of sodium wrapped in newspaper....)

          1. Black Betty

            Re: phenolphthalein

            Diplomacy convention. Hard to diplome through a cubicle door. Or easy for the guilty parties when on the inside. Earned the club a lifetime ban, but we took the trophy.

            1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
              Joke

              Assange

              Did someone mention Diplomacy? This may be one way for Assange to visit hospital - only it looks like he'll have to hold it in for at least 46 days before the boys in blue will let go.

          2. hoola

            Re: Ah well...

            Those were the days before the Health and Safety brigade stopped any decent science (chemistry in particular) in school.

            What they appear to have now is so watered down it is next to useless. In the late 70's we had two chemistry teachers who practiced what they termed "Bucket Chemistry" that kept our attention. They also made holes in the sports field (although the moles made it more difficult to detect), filled labs with smoke and other exciting things.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Ah well...

              Were all chemistry teachers mad?

            2. Chris Leeson

              Re: Ah well...

              Surely in chemistry, the more moles there are, the easier it is to detect things?

              1. rjstua

                Re: Ah well...

                Bravo!

              2. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Ah well...

                Is it an African or European Mole?

          3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: Ah well...

            A tiny amount of phenolphthalein on the water would have a more decisive effect.

            Aye. As (allegedly) our (deeply unpopular) chemisty teacher found out. He drank his coffee black and always came to a lesson with a full mug..

            But we didn't contaminate the urn for the whole of the staff room - we liked some of the teachers..

            It was our lab-tech that was the mad one - we nicknamed him "put a bit more in" after we, with his assistance, melted the ceiling tiles by somewhat supersizing the thermite experiment.

            School chemistry labs do seem to attract the odd sorts.

            1. StargateSg7 Bronze badge

              Re: Ah well...

              "....A tiny amount of phenolphthalein on the water would have a more decisive effect....."

              Technically, that phenol turns your urine BLOOD RED but if it scares you into going to the bathroom then have it and add it to the morning coffee! For me, a Starbucks Grande Mocha OR a Tim Hortons Large French Vanilla have NEVER FAILED in making me go....they clean out the old cavities like nothing else!

              After 46 days though, I bet there will be MORE than a few medical problems that will arise such as adhesion of fecal matter to the sidewalls (i.e. fecal impacting) which MIGHT eventually cause sepsis

              if bacteria passes though micro-tears into blood vessels.

              OH WELL! A rather interesting story anyways!

              P.S. I AM NOT BOMBASTIC BOB !!! Wrong Guy! --- I AM CANADIAN !!!!!!!! He's Not !

        4. Joe User

          Re: Ah well...

          There is a point when Indian police approach of force-feeding bananas under similar circumstances starts to seem more humane.

          Just provide him with a bowl of sugar-free Gummi Bears (and be prepared to hose-out his cell...).

          1. fobobob

            Re: Ah well...

            Yum! Haribo Sugar Free, with lycasin. Yum!

    3. Alan J. Wylie

      Re: Ah well...

      Essex police statement

      He was subsequently rearrested on suspicion of being concerned in the supply of a Class A drug and taken to hospital

      1. collinsl

        Re: Ah well...

        The sentencing guidelines for the offence he's been rearrested for are exactly the same as the possession with intent to supply but are slightly harder to prove without the evidence.

        Of course, the jury (if he's ever brought to trial) could infer from his refusal to defecate that he was concealing drugs and thus prove that he was concerned in the supply, but that is a decision for them to make.

    4. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Ah well...

      It saves on the paperwork, I suppose.

      Of the Andrex variety?

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Ah well...

        Of the Andrex variety?

        Soft, Strong and Very Very Long Arm of the Law

    5. bombastic bob Silver badge
      FAIL

      Ah, CRAP!

      The jailers should've let him explode. Instead, he gets to (allegedly) BURDEN SOCIETY for the rest of his [much longer] life.

      I have no compassion for criminals, as THEY have NO COMPASSION for ME (or anyone but themselves). Innocent until proven guilty, and you get your day in court and your standard "rights". Beyond that, too bad.

      And the jailers aren't responsible for self-inflicted punishments. If the ACCUSED wants to inflict punishment upon himself, such that he can't be forced into compliance, that's not the jailers' fault. They've "washed their hands" of it.

      at least when you let a toddler hold his breath until you buy him "that toy", the toddler knows to give up after a couple of minutes. THAT guy ought to have received a DARWIN AWARD for his BLATANT STUPIDITY.

      1. Adam 1 Silver badge

        Re: Ah, CRAP!

        How's that presumption of innocence thing going there Bob?

      2. StargateSg7 Bronze badge

        Re: Ah, CRAP!

        Nope! I'm NOT Bombastic Bob...he WRITES LIKE ME!!! BUT....I'm NOT HIM!

        P.S. I'm Canadian....

        Anyways, ya gotta admire a guy who can keep it in his pants for 46 days!!!

        Although on a medical basis it's a bit of an issue which will need some intervention.

  2. }{amis}{ Silver badge
    Joke

    LOL

    Its a @~%$ job bot someone has got to do it.....

  3. msknight Silver badge

    So...

    ...released from prison but taken straight to hospital. They'll get their ... er... I'm not quite sure what they'll get, actually. I hope the medical team have masks that are little more protective than the thin white variety. Sounds like they're going to need them.

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: So...

      Nah, after that long it's probably turned into coprolite.

      1. Richard 81

        Re: So...

        Coprolite? I'm betting diamonds!

      2. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: So...

        "after that long it's probably turned into coprolite"

        oh, so you're suggesting that maybe he held it for SO long that now it's IMPOSSIBLE for him to crap it out?

        Well, then, that's a *bit* different! [in saving his life, they'll collect the evidence - w00t!]

        He _still_ deserves a Darwin award, in my bombastic opinion.

    2. Black Betty

      Did you see the monkey trying to put the cork back in?

      <no body>

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So...

      Methinks "fecal impaction" is the relevant term here.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: So...

        Methinks insufficient an adjective to describe the concrete he will have in his lower bowel.

  4. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    London gang nominal?

    WTF is a 'London gang nominal'? Obviously some sort of plod-slang. Based on past form I'd guess it's P.C. P.C.-speak for 'young black man in hoodie'? I may be wrong...

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: London gang nominal?

      I'm guessing it's somebody they know is in a criminal gang but are not able to prove it in a court of law.

    2. Adam 52 Silver badge

      Re: London gang nominal?

      Nominals are the named individuals who keep cropping up over and over again. A handful of people responsible for the vast majority of crime.

      If you've got 10 addicts who steal £5 ten times a day to feed their habit then that's a lot of victims.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: London gang nominal?

        When a charity gives out free food to the homeless and the hungry... is the system known as buy-no-meal distribution?

      2. JLV Silver badge

        Re: London gang nominal?

        esp if they smash £200 of windows to get at those £5 each time.

        We have similar losers here and it strains my general preference for lighter sentences when the same petty crimes are done dozens of times. At that point, I believe the extra costs of long term incarceration are offset by recurring court, insurance and victim costs. For that small minority much longer sentences seem more like common sense.

        Still, I hope he doesn't die from this shit. I thought a week or two was already iffy health-wise.

    3. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: London gang nominal?

      "WTF is a 'London gang nominal'? "

      In some countries they're known as "prospects" - associate members not yet fully blooded.

      1. Barry Rueger Silver badge

        Re: London gang nominal?

        "WTF is a 'London gang nominal'?

        In Canada it's "Known to police."

        A clever euphemism for "he's never been arrested, charged, or convicted of any crime, but trust us, we know he's a criminal."

        Surely having yourself described this way in the media would never influence your likelihood of a fair trial?

        1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: London gang nominal?

          From Not The Nine O'Clock News - A small smattering of Constable Savage:

          O: Savage, why do you keep arresting this man?

          S: He’s a villain, sir.

          O: A villain …

          S: And a jailbird.

          O: (exploding) I know he’s a jailbird, Savage. He’s down in the cells now. We are holding him on a charge of possession of curly black hair and thick lips.

          S: Well, … well, well, well there you are, sir.

          O: You arrested him, Savage!

          S: (stupidly pleased) Thank you, sir.

        2. collinsl

          Re: London gang nominal?

          We have KTP too...

        3. Alan Brown Silver badge

          Re: London gang nominal?

          > In Canada it's "Known to police."

          >

          > A clever euphemism for "he's never been arrested, charged, or convicted of any crime, but trust us, we know he's a criminal."

          On this side of the Atlantic, it's someone with a criminal record, or a long arrest sheet or someone who keeps showing up associated with known criminals and their activities.

          Such people are the first stop when searching for stolen goods, as a f'instance.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: London gang nominal?

      > WTF is a 'London gang nominal'?

      It is what is being attributed to when accompanied by a London gang adjectival.

    5. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      Re: London gang nominal?

      "Nominal" in Britain is an adjective meaning "by name", roughly. In other contexts it seems to be a synonym for "normal". In the well-informed wizarding police procedural novels by Ben Aaronovitch, starting with "Rivers of London", in the 21st century "nominal" as a noun means anyone whose personal details are put in the police database in the course of an investigation; criminal, victim, witness, bystander, family members, anyone else who turns up in the book. After all, who has done what is only to be determined in the course of investigation. I presume it's also possible that Nominal 1 (mysterious wizard) and Nominal 2 (Mr P Daniels of television notability) turn out to be one and the same person, or somebody has an identical twin brother or sister. Pbzr gb guvax, gung'f unccrarq va gur obbxf. (ROT13)

      It's slightly like "person of interest", except that that American phrase, according to its Wikipedia article, did in fact start out with meanings such as "someone that the police keep a file on because they're black", and presently tends to be treated by the public as "suspect / villain", although I gather the original point of the recrent television series titled "Person of Interest" was that an omniscient, prescient, literal Machine would tell investigators that somebody was important this week but not why.

      I think the police would not tweet "this bloke's guilty and he won't go to the lavatory" and then expect a court to accept that a fair trial on the allegation is taking place when they've already publicly libelled him - so to speak. So, no, everyone's a nominal.

  5. Laura Kerr

    "the hospital treatment he needs"...

    ... is likely to involve some lube and a bottle of phosphate that has a rather long nozzle.

    1. Omgwtfbbqtime Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Re: "the hospital treatment he needs"...

      Dr Picolax, Dr Picolax, calling Dr Picolax...

  6. chivo243 Silver badge

    Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

    The bags or condoms have not ruptured and consequences of an overdose...

    1. Adam 52 Silver badge

      Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

      El Reg keeps saying swallowed. Essex plod don't say that. It's not impossible that they were swallowed but much more likely inserted anally.

      See also

      https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/mvkeg8/in-which-it-turns-out-shoving-kinder-eggs-full-of-heroin-up-your-bum-is-a-bad-idea

      http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-stoke-staffordshire-39976258

      https://www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/local-news/teen-kinder-egg-drug-dealer-14185338

      And numerous others.

      1. Alistair Silver badge
        Windows

        Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

        ahhhhhhHA!

        Now we know why kinder eggs are illegal in the US.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

          The chocolate is horrible.

      2. HieronymusBloggs Silver badge

        Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

        "https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/mvkeg8/in-which-it-turns-out-shoving-kinder-eggs-full-of-heroin-up-your-bum-is-a-bad-idea"

        Whoever did that deserves a smacked bottom.

      3. Alan Brown Silver badge

        Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

        "And numerous others."

        Too many people have been reading Papillion. :/

    2. Kernel Silver badge

      Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

      "The bags or condoms have not ruptured and consequences of an overdose..."

      Or, as a previously unmentioned alternative, PC Plod have got it wrong again and there are no drugs.

      1. DougS Silver badge

        Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

        Or, as a previously unmentioned alternative, PC Plod have got it wrong again and there are no drugs.

        If there were no drugs, why wouldn't he just poop and prove it? That's like suggesting if you were caught holding a knife covered in the blood of the victim, with the victim having written "Kernel did it" in his blood on the wall next to him before dying might have meant "Kernel tried to save me by chasing off the real killer and that's why he's holding the knife".

        1. Berny Stapleton

          Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

          > If there were no drugs, why wouldn't he just poop and prove it?

          Just to stick it to the man, he might not be clean, but if he's been suspected of a couple of minor things and the police keep following him around trying to catch him up, maybe he's sick of the harrassment and wants to take them on? If they've held him, locked him up, under protest... this whole time ....and there's nothing... can you imagine what he's going to get out of this in settlement?

          He might just be that f***ed off

          1. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

            Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

            "If they've held him, locked him up, under protest... this whole time ....and there's nothing... can you imagine what he's going to get out of this in settlement?"

            Many years ago some local villains were locked up for a weekend after being identified by an eye-witness to one of their thefts.

            They asked for a trial by jury, so got let off to save on costs.

            They managed to claim x quid per day for wrongful detention. It wasn't a huge sum but it was a real kick in the teeth for their victims who'd had thousands of pounds of goods nicked.

      2. collinsl

        Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

        Then he could have pooed in custody and been released weeks ago.

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

      "The bags or condoms have not ruptured"

      It's my understanding that opiates cause constipation. A 'slow leak' would assist him in his "protest".

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

        It's my understanding that opiates cause constipation

        Depends on the opiate and how long you have been taking it.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lamarr, Lucky to be alive

      I read this subject line and now I can’t get the tune to “Born, born to be alive” out of my head, grrr...

  7. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    I suppose they decided they might need to use the cell again and if they didn't get him out of there in time the next prisoner might complain of cruel and unusual punishment.

  8. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    Probably find they believe a package has split and his health is now at serious risk. I believe someone held out for 70 or so days before passing the goods on to waiting (but slightly distant and well protected) officers ...

  9. hplasm Silver badge
    Coat

    It's...

    ...still a bum rap!

    *badum -tish*

    1. Montreal Sean

      Re: It's...

      Shouldn't that be:

      *badum -tush*

      I'll get my coat.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why release him now? Something tells me the case against him has gone down the crapper.

  11. Bill M

    Full of Shit

    He is certainly full of shit.

  12. Philip Stott

    As far as I know, unless they get him sectioned under mental health act, they still can't force treatment on him.

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Assuming, as we must, that he is innocent of the offence, refusing to poop for so many weeks that you are likely to end up dead as a result is pretty hard evidence that your life is at risk from your mental problems.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coulkd have been worse

    if he had been detained for refusing to handover a password.

    1. monty75

      Re: Coulkd have been worse

      Obviously you should keep your password in an easily digestible form. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "password dump"

    2. Adam 1 Silver badge

      Re: Coulkd have been worse

      Bastards

  14. Dr Who

    Guilty

    The guy is obviously a pro. Getting arrested and chucked in a cell would scare the shit out of me.

    1. Montreal Sean

      Re: Guilty

      He's a hardened criminal!

  15. Making Bacon

    Liquid laxative in his food and drink

    Then stand well back and put the ventilation fans on ..!

    1. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Liquid laxative in his food and drink

      chocolate Ex-Lax would do it - for "desert" with his meals

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A very old, similarly themed joke from my childhood

    A team of three scientists, approaching the end of their research project, unexpectedly found that they still had some money left over so decided to spend it on a little private experiment of their own.

    The experiment they decided upon was to see what would happen if they bunged up an elephants bumhole with a cork. They acquired a suitable elephant and devised a quick-release mechanism that would keep the cork in place until they decided to release it, and started the experiment.

    After two months of nothing notable happening, the scientists decided that, for the elephant's sake, they'd better release the cork but the the trouble was, in view of the amount of poo that was likely to come out, none of the three scientists were willing to get close enough to the release mechanism to activate it.

    The solution that they came up with was to get a chimpanzee and train it to approach the elephant and activate the release. This took another month.

    Finally, the day came when everything was ready; the first, most brave and curious of the scientists decided that standing 10 yards away from the elephants bottom would be safe enough whilst giving the best view of events. The second of the scientists wasn't so brave and positioned himself* twentry yards away, and the third scientist, who was a bit of a scaredy cat, decided that thirty yards was a more prudent distance.

    The first and closest scientist released the chimpanzee who, following its training, scampered over to the elephant and activated the release mechanism, upon which, a veritable deluge of poo came out, burying the closest scientist up to his neck. The second and more distant scientist was buried up to his waist and the third up to his knees.

    The third scientist was able to wade out of the poo, get a shovel, and dig his way to the second scientist, to free him. They then both looked at the first scientist, who although still buried up to his neck in elephant poo, was laughing hysterically.

    Pausing only to get another shovel, the two freed scientists dug their way to the first scientist, who was still laughing, and managed to free him, asking why he was laughing. All he could manage to say, between giggles, was "You should have seen that chimpanzee trying to put the cork back in"

    * Of course they were men - women wouldn't do anything so silly.

    1. John H Woods Silver badge

      Re: A very old, similarly themed joke from my childhood

      A veritable blast from the past

    2. Havin_it

      Re: A very old, similarly themed joke from my childhood

      After such an interminable set-up, I really was expecting a funny punchline. I sort of feel as if I should be calling the OFT or the ASA or someone about this.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A very old, similarly themed joke from my childhood

      Way way way back in the day, when we first heard this joke, it was a Polish town's councilors and a pig played the part of the town's mascot. The reason for the bunghole plugging was to quell the ever growing cost of cleaning up pig poo all the time. The more they cleaned, the more there was. After a town meeting, a monkey was trained to apply the plug. Later the same monkey was retrained to remove the plug after the pig had outgrown its pen and was close to outgrowing the town square. After the removal of the plug and subsequent investigation into the shitsplosion, the punchline was the same and the monkey was traumatized for life.

    4. PNGuinn
      Facepalm

      @LeeE Re: A very old, similarly themed joke from my childhood

      Hmmm Interesting ...

      I don't know how long you've been coming here ... but you've left out the vital bit of experimental data that all commentards Need to Know:

      WAS IT A PERFECTLY SMOOTH ELEPHANT?.

      I call pachyderm sh*t.

  17. sisk Silver badge
    Joke

    I would imagine that after 46 days he probably felt pretty shitty.

    1. JustWondering

      Pretty much fed up.

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

  19. StuntMisanthrope Bronze badge

    Zen and the Art of Lamping!

    I reckoned I’ve got this record beat. After a nasty juvenile sporting injury, weeks in traction and self administered opioids. A comely nurse proffered a greased finger. This did the trick of course, but I’m not sure who was more surprised, me or the orderly when the rapid fire pellet evacuation cracked the porcelain and the puddle ensued. #itwaslikethatbeforehonest #oneperdaykeepsthedoctoraway

  20. 404 Silver badge

    TMI

    I don't know how he did it - I'm so regular, I'd be physically sick by the end of Day 2.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: TMI

      So am I, I go like clockwork at 6 every morning.

      Only trouble is I wake up at 7:30

  21. Cynic_999 Silver badge

    Why not X-ray?

    Instead of waiting all that time, why not simply use an X-ray or other non-invasive way of looking inside him? I believe that condoms full of drugs show up perfectly well on an X-ray.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Why not X-ray?

      Because: (pick one or more or roll your own):

      a) No one thought of it.

      b) A bit of a power struggle between the prisoner and the plod.

      c) The plod had a betting pool running for how long the guy could hold it in.

      1. Adam 1 Silver badge

        Re: Why not X-ray?

        (d) Having no* onsite x-ray machine means a shed load of paperwork** if someone needs to be hospitalised.

        (e) the whole "not supposed to expose your prisoners to ionising radiation***" thing.

        *At least none designed for a human.

        **I am pretty confident in this guess.

        ***although I imagine that at least some of the cell's walls are made of bricks.

    2. collinsl

      Re: Why not X-ray?

      Legally not allowed to force him to be inspected as it counts as a medical procedure.

  22. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    BJ - Big Job

    That statement from Essex Police refers to "Deputy Chief Constable BJ Harrington".

  23. DougS Silver badge

    So the police want the hospital to do their "dirty work"?

    Is the guy free to refuse treatment if the hospital wants to give him a laxative, or whatever they do for someone who hasn't pooped in 46 days?

    It isn't clear to me if the reason the guy hasn't pooped is because he's been starving himself, or just gone on a liquid diet and refusing to eat solid food. Not having pooped in 46 days might be a health issue depending on why that is, but starving or nearly starving oneself would be. If the hospital gives him IV nutrition, and he refuses solid food or laxatives, what then? Get him healthy and then back to jail?

  24. JustWondering
    Meh

    Meh

    It won't make much difference whether he is in jail or a hospital, in the end.

  25. Bob Dole (tm)
    WTF?

    Ex lax

    Do you guys not have ex lax over there? This could have been solved in an afternoon.

    1. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Ex lax

      "Do you guys not have ex lax over there?"

      Force feeding it to him would guarantee that any charges he faced would be voided and the people responsible for the action would be facing serious jailtime themselves.

      It's funny that the country with a constitution guaranteeing a bunch of inalienable rights is the one which regards breaching them as acceptable for certain classes of people.

  26. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Holmes

    I can't believe!

    That I am the first to use this very appropo icon during this thread!

    1. DanceMan
      Thumb Up

      Re: I can't believe!

      Bravo, Mr Hack!

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It will all come out in the end...

    At the hospital the drugs may all come out the end and he could be convicted as he should be. Stating that this crim is full of it would be 100% accurate.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Positive

    Banged up in Police cells for 45 days - he should at least be clear of his habit (assuming he was a user as well as a pusher.) With the amount of illicit drugs available to fuel an addict in jail, this is probably the easiest way to get clean.

    Having a once-a-week toilet habit thanks to cauda equine after a back injury, I can assure you that it won't be coming easily!

  29. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    "Bother" said Pooh as he was evicted most forcefully.

  30. Steve Kerr

    Out then in again

    So, according to police, we was released from police custody on legal and medical advice.

    He was immediately rearrested on intent to supply class A drugs and taken to hospital.

    Moments of freedom!

  31. AgeingBabyBoomer

    Imagine his disappointment when he discovers that the Class A drugs turn out to have been nothing more than Imodium.

  32. myhandler

    So how were they going to get the incriminating evidence?

    Do all cells have filter trough outlets on the WCs?

    Who gets to go though it - PC Stool Pigeon?

    1. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

      I assume that police cells aren't fitted with undetectable evidence-disposal outlets.

      I think that an episode of a moderately authentic British police drama "The Bill" (slang for police) featured a man arrested drunk who was, I don't know, just shut in a cell to sober up. The prisoner then claimed to have had money stolen by a young police officer. Exactly how what follows arose I don't remember, but it turned out that the prisoner had stuffed his money down the cell toilet, which he then used, copiously. The young police officer then was told off about proper handling of a prisoner and their personal property.

      That does imply that a prisoner normally wouldn't get to take their evidence into a cell to dispose of it, anyway. The case we're talking about would have been an exception.

    2. collinsl

      Depends on the custody suite, but most of the time they disable the toilet in the cell (or put them in a cell which has no toilet) and provide the prisoner with a commode, which an officer then has to sort through with gloves and a spoon or similar.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Most cell toilets I know of today are either reversible or have flush traps.

  33. unwarranted triumphalism

    Anyone suspected of involvement in drugs is fair game.

  34. Luiz Abdala
    Coat

    No man needs to hold...

    ... if they are not full of shit.

  35. sbd

    Not class A drugs...

    ...it's clearly Chamber pot

    {amazed noone used the pun already}

  36. f4ff5e1881
    Happy

    The End Game

    When he finally manages to go, I hope the policeman standing next to him says, “Hello, hello, hello. What’s all this then?”

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