It saves on the paperwork, I suppose.
A suspected drug dealer's bowels have won out over Essex cops after he was released from custody by resisting the urge to poo for 46 days. Lamarr Chambers, 24, was arrested in the UK town of Harlow, in Essex, on 17 January for failing to stop his car and on suspicion of intent to supply Class A drugs, which cops believed he …
Pu-Ehr tea? About maybe twice the price of a midrange common Assam. You're probably thinking of the several years old variety which can indeed be rather pricey, but you don't need that. And checking around, even the 15 year old stuff is way under a tenner for 100g.
So even that is definitely cheaper than keeping the guy in custody for nearly seven weeks, even if you have to treat him with a gallon of the stuff before his sphincter surrenders.
"force-feeding bananas "
A tiny amount of phenolphthalein on the water would have a more decisive effect.
Just don't overdo it. My chemistry teacher at high school claimed that when _he_ was a lad someone doctored the teachers staffroom coffee urn one lunchtime, resulting in virtually the entire staff spending all afternoon in the karzis and some needing several days off.
(This was the same chemistry teacher who blew a hole in the bottom of the school swimming pool whilst demonstrating the explosive properties of "around a pound" of sodium wrapped in newspaper....)
Those were the days before the Health and Safety brigade stopped any decent science (chemistry in particular) in school.
What they appear to have now is so watered down it is next to useless. In the late 70's we had two chemistry teachers who practiced what they termed "Bucket Chemistry" that kept our attention. They also made holes in the sports field (although the moles made it more difficult to detect), filled labs with smoke and other exciting things.
A tiny amount of phenolphthalein on the water would have a more decisive effect.
Aye. As (allegedly) our (deeply unpopular) chemisty teacher found out. He drank his coffee black and always came to a lesson with a full mug..
But we didn't contaminate the urn for the whole of the staff room - we liked some of the teachers..
It was our lab-tech that was the mad one - we nicknamed him "put a bit more in" after we, with his assistance, melted the ceiling tiles by somewhat supersizing the thermite experiment.
School chemistry labs do seem to attract the odd sorts.
"....A tiny amount of phenolphthalein on the water would have a more decisive effect....."
Technically, that phenol turns your urine BLOOD RED but if it scares you into going to the bathroom then have it and add it to the morning coffee! For me, a Starbucks Grande Mocha OR a Tim Hortons Large French Vanilla have NEVER FAILED in making me go....they clean out the old cavities like nothing else!
After 46 days though, I bet there will be MORE than a few medical problems that will arise such as adhesion of fecal matter to the sidewalls (i.e. fecal impacting) which MIGHT eventually cause sepsis
if bacteria passes though micro-tears into blood vessels.
OH WELL! A rather interesting story anyways!
P.S. I AM NOT BOMBASTIC BOB !!! Wrong Guy! --- I AM CANADIAN !!!!!!!! He's Not !
The sentencing guidelines for the offence he's been rearrested for are exactly the same as the possession with intent to supply but are slightly harder to prove without the evidence.
Of course, the jury (if he's ever brought to trial) could infer from his refusal to defecate that he was concealing drugs and thus prove that he was concerned in the supply, but that is a decision for them to make.
The jailers should've let him explode. Instead, he gets to (allegedly) BURDEN SOCIETY for the rest of his [much longer] life.
I have no compassion for criminals, as THEY have NO COMPASSION for ME (or anyone but themselves). Innocent until proven guilty, and you get your day in court and your standard "rights". Beyond that, too bad.
And the jailers aren't responsible for self-inflicted punishments. If the ACCUSED wants to inflict punishment upon himself, such that he can't be forced into compliance, that's not the jailers' fault. They've "washed their hands" of it.
at least when you let a toddler hold his breath until you buy him "that toy", the toddler knows to give up after a couple of minutes. THAT guy ought to have received a DARWIN AWARD for his BLATANT STUPIDITY.
"after that long it's probably turned into coprolite"
oh, so you're suggesting that maybe he held it for SO long that now it's IMPOSSIBLE for him to crap it out?
Well, then, that's a *bit* different! [in saving his life, they'll collect the evidence - w00t!]
He _still_ deserves a Darwin award, in my bombastic opinion.
esp if they smash £200 of windows to get at those £5 each time.
We have similar losers here and it strains my general preference for lighter sentences when the same petty crimes are done dozens of times. At that point, I believe the extra costs of long term incarceration are offset by recurring court, insurance and victim costs. For that small minority much longer sentences seem more like common sense.
Still, I hope he doesn't die from this shit. I thought a week or two was already iffy health-wise.
"WTF is a 'London gang nominal'?
In Canada it's "Known to police."
A clever euphemism for "he's never been arrested, charged, or convicted of any crime, but trust us, we know he's a criminal."
Surely having yourself described this way in the media would never influence your likelihood of a fair trial?
From Not The Nine O'Clock News - A small smattering of Constable Savage:
O: Savage, why do you keep arresting this man?
S: He’s a villain, sir.
O: A villain …
S: And a jailbird.
O: (exploding) I know he’s a jailbird, Savage. He’s down in the cells now. We are holding him on a charge of possession of curly black hair and thick lips.
S: Well, … well, well, well there you are, sir.
O: You arrested him, Savage!
S: (stupidly pleased) Thank you, sir.
> In Canada it's "Known to police."
> A clever euphemism for "he's never been arrested, charged, or convicted of any crime, but trust us, we know he's a criminal."
On this side of the Atlantic, it's someone with a criminal record, or a long arrest sheet or someone who keeps showing up associated with known criminals and their activities.
Such people are the first stop when searching for stolen goods, as a f'instance.
"Nominal" in Britain is an adjective meaning "by name", roughly. In other contexts it seems to be a synonym for "normal". In the well-informed wizarding police procedural novels by Ben Aaronovitch, starting with "Rivers of London", in the 21st century "nominal" as a noun means anyone whose personal details are put in the police database in the course of an investigation; criminal, victim, witness, bystander, family members, anyone else who turns up in the book. After all, who has done what is only to be determined in the course of investigation. I presume it's also possible that Nominal 1 (mysterious wizard) and Nominal 2 (Mr P Daniels of television notability) turn out to be one and the same person, or somebody has an identical twin brother or sister. Pbzr gb guvax, gung'f unccrarq va gur obbxf. (ROT13)
It's slightly like "person of interest", except that that American phrase, according to its Wikipedia article, did in fact start out with meanings such as "someone that the police keep a file on because they're black", and presently tends to be treated by the public as "suspect / villain", although I gather the original point of the recrent television series titled "Person of Interest" was that an omniscient, prescient, literal Machine would tell investigators that somebody was important this week but not why.
I think the police would not tweet "this bloke's guilty and he won't go to the lavatory" and then expect a court to accept that a fair trial on the allegation is taking place when they've already publicly libelled him - so to speak. So, no, everyone's a nominal.
El Reg keeps saying swallowed. Essex plod don't say that. It's not impossible that they were swallowed but much more likely inserted anally.
And numerous others.
Or, as a previously unmentioned alternative, PC Plod have got it wrong again and there are no drugs.
If there were no drugs, why wouldn't he just poop and prove it? That's like suggesting if you were caught holding a knife covered in the blood of the victim, with the victim having written "Kernel did it" in his blood on the wall next to him before dying might have meant "Kernel tried to save me by chasing off the real killer and that's why he's holding the knife".
> If there were no drugs, why wouldn't he just poop and prove it?
Just to stick it to the man, he might not be clean, but if he's been suspected of a couple of minor things and the police keep following him around trying to catch him up, maybe he's sick of the harrassment and wants to take them on? If they've held him, locked him up, under protest... this whole time ....and there's nothing... can you imagine what he's going to get out of this in settlement?
He might just be that f***ed off
"If they've held him, locked him up, under protest... this whole time ....and there's nothing... can you imagine what he's going to get out of this in settlement?"
Many years ago some local villains were locked up for a weekend after being identified by an eye-witness to one of their thefts.
They asked for a trial by jury, so got let off to save on costs.
They managed to claim x quid per day for wrongful detention. It wasn't a huge sum but it was a real kick in the teeth for their victims who'd had thousands of pounds of goods nicked.
A team of three scientists, approaching the end of their research project, unexpectedly found that they still had some money left over so decided to spend it on a little private experiment of their own.
The experiment they decided upon was to see what would happen if they bunged up an elephants bumhole with a cork. They acquired a suitable elephant and devised a quick-release mechanism that would keep the cork in place until they decided to release it, and started the experiment.
After two months of nothing notable happening, the scientists decided that, for the elephant's sake, they'd better release the cork but the the trouble was, in view of the amount of poo that was likely to come out, none of the three scientists were willing to get close enough to the release mechanism to activate it.
The solution that they came up with was to get a chimpanzee and train it to approach the elephant and activate the release. This took another month.
Finally, the day came when everything was ready; the first, most brave and curious of the scientists decided that standing 10 yards away from the elephants bottom would be safe enough whilst giving the best view of events. The second of the scientists wasn't so brave and positioned himself* twentry yards away, and the third scientist, who was a bit of a scaredy cat, decided that thirty yards was a more prudent distance.
The first and closest scientist released the chimpanzee who, following its training, scampered over to the elephant and activated the release mechanism, upon which, a veritable deluge of poo came out, burying the closest scientist up to his neck. The second and more distant scientist was buried up to his waist and the third up to his knees.
The third scientist was able to wade out of the poo, get a shovel, and dig his way to the second scientist, to free him. They then both looked at the first scientist, who although still buried up to his neck in elephant poo, was laughing hysterically.
Pausing only to get another shovel, the two freed scientists dug their way to the first scientist, who was still laughing, and managed to free him, asking why he was laughing. All he could manage to say, between giggles, was "You should have seen that chimpanzee trying to put the cork back in"
* Of course they were men - women wouldn't do anything so silly.
Way way way back in the day, when we first heard this joke, it was a Polish town's councilors and a pig played the part of the town's mascot. The reason for the bunghole plugging was to quell the ever growing cost of cleaning up pig poo all the time. The more they cleaned, the more there was. After a town meeting, a monkey was trained to apply the plug. Later the same monkey was retrained to remove the plug after the pig had outgrown its pen and was close to outgrowing the town square. After the removal of the plug and subsequent investigation into the shitsplosion, the punchline was the same and the monkey was traumatized for life.
I reckoned I’ve got this record beat. After a nasty juvenile sporting injury, weeks in traction and self administered opioids. A comely nurse proffered a greased finger. This did the trick of course, but I’m not sure who was more surprised, me or the orderly when the rapid fire pellet evacuation cracked the porcelain and the puddle ensued. #itwaslikethatbeforehonest #oneperdaykeepsthedoctoraway
(d) Having no* onsite x-ray machine means a shed load of paperwork** if someone needs to be hospitalised.
(e) the whole "not supposed to expose your prisoners to ionising radiation***" thing.
*At least none designed for a human.
**I am pretty confident in this guess.
***although I imagine that at least some of the cell's walls are made of bricks.
Is the guy free to refuse treatment if the hospital wants to give him a laxative, or whatever they do for someone who hasn't pooped in 46 days?
It isn't clear to me if the reason the guy hasn't pooped is because he's been starving himself, or just gone on a liquid diet and refusing to eat solid food. Not having pooped in 46 days might be a health issue depending on why that is, but starving or nearly starving oneself would be. If the hospital gives him IV nutrition, and he refuses solid food or laxatives, what then? Get him healthy and then back to jail?
"Do you guys not have ex lax over there?"
Force feeding it to him would guarantee that any charges he faced would be voided and the people responsible for the action would be facing serious jailtime themselves.
It's funny that the country with a constitution guaranteeing a bunch of inalienable rights is the one which regards breaching them as acceptable for certain classes of people.
Banged up in Police cells for 45 days - he should at least be clear of his habit (assuming he was a user as well as a pusher.) With the amount of illicit drugs available to fuel an addict in jail, this is probably the easiest way to get clean.
Having a once-a-week toilet habit thanks to cauda equine after a back injury, I can assure you that it won't be coming easily!
I assume that police cells aren't fitted with undetectable evidence-disposal outlets.
I think that an episode of a moderately authentic British police drama "The Bill" (slang for police) featured a man arrested drunk who was, I don't know, just shut in a cell to sober up. The prisoner then claimed to have had money stolen by a young police officer. Exactly how what follows arose I don't remember, but it turned out that the prisoner had stuffed his money down the cell toilet, which he then used, copiously. The young police officer then was told off about proper handling of a prisoner and their personal property.
That does imply that a prisoner normally wouldn't get to take their evidence into a cell to dispose of it, anyway. The case we're talking about would have been an exception.
Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2019