back to article Chilly willies: Swedish nudie nightclub opens in -11°C to disgust of locals

A nightclub that spiritually stimulates dance zealots to peel off their clothes and shake their booty was branded a "breeding ground for broken souls" by a totally different sort of radical. Klubb Naket, based on the island of Södermalm near Stockholm, Sweden, hosted its first event on Saturday eve, clearly undeterred by the …

  1. David Webb
    IT Angle

    IT?

    Tried to find the IT relevance, decided that with an article like this I really don't care that there isn't one.

    Wait I found the IT angle, Bluetooth comes from Sweden, when you go to a dance you go to a ball, when a person gets cold they go a bit blue, so now we have Swedes giving us BlueBalls! #logic.

    1. malle-herbert
      Joke

      Re: IT?

      I think it must be the "breeding ground for broken souls" part that refers to IT in general...

      1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
        Happy

        "Klubb Naket"

        Just loooks like a spelling mistake in English.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: "Klubb Naket"

          Of course! A lot of English is a Swedish spelling mistake.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Klubb Naket"

          It's a pair of drawers with flapps according to ikea.

    2. MrRimmerSIR!
      Coat

      Re: IT?

      I think the IT angle is that even in this situation, you're bound to find a gaggle of geeks in a corner cooing over their latest gadgets, completely oblivious to the bacchanalian activities going on around them.

      Mine's the one with the Gemini in the pocket (left in the cloakroom, obviously).

      1. DavCrav Silver badge

        Re: IT?

        "I think the IT angle is that even in this situation, you're bound to find a gaggle of geeks in a corner cooing over their latest gadgets, completely oblivious to the bacchanalian activities going on around them."

        Erm, they are naked. Where would they store them? Wait, don't answer that.

        1. earl grey Silver badge
          Angel

          Re: IT?

          Where would they store them?

          Nature's pocket. Where would you expect?

        2. Sleep deprived

          Re: IT?

          No need to store them, they keep them in their hand all the time. But they need somewhere to hide them when crossing the entrance gate...

    3. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: IT?

      Bootnote !!

      Maybe the reg needs to highlight these article headers clearer, people seem not to notice the small category text top left of title.

      Maybe some flashing....erm..

    4. jake Silver badge

      Re: IT?

      David, you've been here about as long as I have, and yet you haven't noticed Bootnotes? Bootnotes covers all sins. All work & no play makes ElReg a dull vulture.

      1. David Webb

        Re: IT?

        Bootnotes covers all sins.

        Not sure much of anything was covered in this article.........

        Pun aside, I honestly have never read which section any article is in (except BOFH), but my "where is the IT angle" wasn't a serious question though, it was just a way to put "I don't care there isn't one, naked Swedes please!"

        1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: IT?

          You want undressed root vegetables?!

          Weirdo.....

        2. tiggity Silver badge

          Re: IT?

          I have lots of naked Swedes (assuming they survive the snow blanketing the garden) but I personally prefer a turnip

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: IT?

            @tiggity; "I have lots of naked Swedes but I personally prefer a turnip"

            ...that is exactly the same shape... as a thingy?!

    5. Mike Moyle Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: IT?

      "The make-out room should rather be seen as an open lounge."

      ...and, in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, Julian Assange is reconsidering returning to Sweden.

      There's your IT angle.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IT?

      "there are areas where guests can "do what you feel right now and then""

      Sounds like the data centre/server room out of office hours to me.

      1. Alistair Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: IT?

        "there are areas where guests can "do what you feel right now and then"

        That would be the IT angle, all those MMORPG'ers playing in the nude and chair dancing!

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: IT?

        "Sounds like the data centre/server room out of office hours to me."

        Behind the mainframe tape decks in the 1960s - when there were pretty much equal numbers of men and women employed as programmers. The company only employed men as computer operators - as there were official restrictions on women working three shift systems. The women programmers however were allowed to be present to see their jobs run on the evening/night shifts.

        Only the good-looking operator shift leaders got to play though.

    7. Jos V

      Re: IT?

      "Come naked. Come as you are. Do whatever you want. Everything stays here," the club promo stated. Apparently, there are areas where guests can "do what you feel right now and then".

      Sounds like the your typical night-shift in a data center to me. Even the part where you freeze your nuts off because it's so darn cold...

      Edit: Someone beat me to it already. We really have cool jobs, don't we?

      1. onefang Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: IT?

        "Sounds like the your typical night-shift in a data center to me. Even the part where you freeze your nuts off because it's so darn cold...

        "Edit: Someone beat me to it already. We really have cool jobs, don't we?"

        Freezing your nuts off is well beyond cool.

        I'll get my coat, I like keeping my nuts warm.

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IT?

      >Wait I found the IT angle, Bluetooth comes from Sweden,

      Nah, he was Danish.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Brings a whole new meaning to a stiffie.

    1. Scroticus Canis
      Devil

      Brings a whole new meaning to a stiffie.

      Yep. At -11ºC three and a half inches is all you can reasonably expect.

      Not much use with an eight inch slot though.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe they could rename the town Sodomymalm.

    Also, how do you breed depression and broken souls? I'm pretty sure it's not with dance music, nakedness and rampant sex.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Also, how do you breed depression and broken souls? I'm pretty sure it's not with dance music, nakedness and rampant sex.

      I daresay the naked ravers will be pilled up to their eyeballs, and that'll do the job, just like it does for fully clothed pill freaks?

      Although on a point of detail, I'd legalise all drugs, since they're going to be "done" anyway. Might as well squeeze the criminals out of the supply chain, and improve the quality.

      1. nijam

        > how do you breed depression and broken souls?

        Religion.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          --->Religion.

          "Prisons are built with stones of the Law, brothels with bricks of religion."

          William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

      2. Lars Silver badge
        Pint

        "Might as well squeeze the criminals out of the supply chain".

        I would add some of Pharma criminals to the list, although it's not my piece of cake.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      how do you breed depression and broken souls

      At -11oC I guess the average person's manhood is likely to be diminished, not to say depressed...

      1. chivo243 Silver badge

        The ol' STS Scared Turtle Syndrome...

      2. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Working Away From Home

        Having walked out of a nice warm bedroom (+19), to discover my Landladies habit of leaving windows in the communual areas open over night & with a -30 wind chill wafting in through, diminished isn't the word I would use.

        The words I did use on experiencing the temperature differential got me into trouble, as she didn''t like that sort of language.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "[...] how do you breed depression [...]"

      Working on a project in Stockholm in the 1970s we took a youngster with us whose tasks only required him to work a 9-5 day. Back in England he had heard about a particular Stockholm disco where it was said that the women asked you to dance - and took you home with them afterwards.

      He went a few times - and vouched for the veracity of the situation. Poor lad - he was never even asked for a dance.

      In many northern countries - it is the long dark winters and alcohol that often fuel depression.

      1. Nicko

        Northern winter habits...

        Ah. I had some Icelandic colleagues, one, now sadly deceased (*), had a face that was best described as "a cake that's been left out in the rain". He was only 35 and looked like the nastiest Viking you could image - gentle soul, though.

        He could drink a bottle of vodka with no visible effect - I once asked him how he could do that and he replied: "there are only two things to do in the winter, and one of them is drink".

        He once woke up in a hotel wardrobe - he'd gone in there thinking it was a toilet, had a pee and fallen asleep...

        (*) RIP Gunnlaugur - he knew he'd die young - all the males in his family died from cancer - the Icelandic gene pool is/was limited and there are a lot of families with genetic propensity to certain diseases.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Northern winter habits...

          @Nicko; 'a face that was best described as "a cake that's been left out in the rain"'

          And hair that looked like sweet green icing flowing down?

          (I guess the problem is that he was melting in the dark during the winter up there...)

          1. Nicko

            Re: Northern winter habits...

            @Nicko; 'a face that was best described as "a cake that's been left out in the rain"'

            @AC And hair that looked like sweet green icing flowing down?

            I wan't referring to MacArthur Park & Richard Harris (1968), it was originally a W. H. Auden quote from 1963 (said to René Bouché, an artist who sketched him):

            "My face looks like a wedding-cake left out in the rain"

            https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/w_h_auden_148305 and many other places.

    4. onefang Silver badge
      Coat

      "Also, how do you breed depression and broken souls? I'm pretty sure it's not with dance music, nakedness and rampant sex."

      You breed depression and broken souls by creating a prudish religion, and telling people they will go to hell for indulging in dance music, nakedness, and rampant sex. Though that probably depends on the style of music, and the distance between the dancers.

      I'm not getting my coat, I'm taking it off, and the rest of my clothes. Though I can't dance, so I better have sex instead.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "You breed depression and broken souls by creating a prudish religion, and telling people they will go to hell for indulging in dance music, nakedness, and rampant sex"

        Remember, Protestants disapprove of sex because it might lead to dancing. Catholics are rather keen on both. That's how you tell them apart.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "Catholics are rather keen on both."

          Also apparently S&M if one looks at their educational art and their saints' writings.

          They appear to believe that only through pain can they reach heaven. That apparently is why Mother Teresa only gave terminally ill patients nothing stronger than aspirin.

          Their venerated paintings of the deaths of martyrs show people with great ecstasy on their faces while their flesh is being ripped with hot pincers - or being barbequed on a spit.

          St Jerome preached it was better for a young woman to die than to have sex. Saint Paul allowed that marriage might be excusable for those so weak as to want sex. Saint Augustine sowed his wild oats - then presumably told everyone else they couldn't with his formulation of the doctrine of original sin. His attributed quote apparently sums up a large number of the Church's clerics fairly well - "Lord - give me chastity and continence, but not yet"

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            "Also apparently S&M if one looks at their educational art and their saints' writings."

            I think most of us know about things like Catholic guilt and I've had my fill of the Church Fathers and Saul of Tarsus, a thoroughly repulsive little man who got lucky. However, the Catholics of Ireland (and Kilburn where I once lived) were pretty good at both knees-ups and reproduction. It's OK being an atheist so long as it's the Catholic God you don't believe in, not the Protestant one.

            Catholicism has inflicted six Rees-Mogg offspring on the world so far, you don't need to try to tell me it has a lot to answer for.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              "Catholicism has inflicted six Rees-Mogg offspring on the world so far, you don't need to try to tell me it has a lot to answer for."

              Is he going for an Octavian for his political dynasty?

        2. Lars Silver badge
          Happy

          @Voyna i Mor

          Well there was this "Protestant/Lutheran" priest who said this - "We believe in sexual purity and that sexuality needs to be protected through marriage,".

          The only way to add a Catholic priest to this would be to assume he was addressed with such wisdom by the Lutheran priest (to no avail).

          The subtitle surprised me until I remembered that we actually have heating inside during the winter here up in the north.

          Stockholm is a fairly friendly town according to a Brit I met. If you get awfully drunk it happens that nice and helpful Swedes might offer you a bed at their hotel for the night, and in the morning they might even offer you some money.

          And that happened to you, I asked - "oh no" he said, to my sister.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "[...] and the distance between the dancers."

        In the 1970s the strict Protestant NGK in South Africa was a controlling factor in politics - in some parts of the country more than others.

        Apparently some of the more conservative, even large, towns still had an enforced bye-law that men and women in the public swimming pool had to be at least 18 inches (50cm) apart in the water.

        These towns died after about 17:30 - it felt like tumble weed blowing. A colleague who had grown up in one of them assured me that it was what happened behind the closed doors that was interesting. Cue "Riotous Assembly" and "Indecent Exposure" by Tom Sharpe - not quite the OTT satires they might appear.

        At the same time - on the beach at Durban (think Blackpool) - the bikinis apparently consisted of a few pieces of string.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        " [...] indulging in dance music, nakedness, and rampant sex."

        indulging in dance music, nakedness, and enjoying rampant sex.

  4. wolfetone Silver badge

    Reminds me of a place my old manager told me about that he used to frequent on gay nights. There'd be a room and the lights would be off, it'd be pitch black, and only men were allowed in it.

    He wasn't sure how clean the room was, but he knew it was only open another time during the week. And that was for the Indie nights on a Friday where someone managed to find the light switch and put it on for that particular night.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      So-called "dark rooms" for anonymous sex, beloved in the high-energy gay scene in the early 1980s. Without wishing to pass judgement: amphetamines and dark rooms correlate well with STDs. "Faggots" is the book to read if you're interested.

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        Pretty much what he called it. He also said he never had the balls to go in to it, although an ex-partner of his used to do it all the time. Hence why he was an ex.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Swedish Winter..

    As a description of Sweden in the winter, I have some sympathy for it being described as: "a breeding ground for depression and broken souls".

    But it'd not so bad in the summer..

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Swedish Winter..

      A man once asked an Inuit what they did in summer when the days were 24 hours long - "we go fishing and make love to our women" was the reply. The man then asked about the winter when the nights were 24 hours long and the Innuit answered "well, we don't go fishing" (I've seen this joke in several places but I first heard it many years ago told by the Anglican Bishop of the Arctic!)

      1. Lars Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Swedish Winter..

        "when the nights were 24 hours long ".

        With absolutely no intention of becoming serious I remember a situation when I was trying to start a conversation with a guy from north of the pole circle. I went for the "how hard life must have been in old times in all that long darkness". He gave a sort of "oh dear, not again, weary, smile" and asked me if I might have forgotten that they actually have quite a lot of sunshine* during the winter and that the snow is actually very white and moving on the hard snow is fast and easy, and hunting and fishing is very fun, and fishing using fire is very very fun and just give me a call and I take you fishing.

        And I was hit hard in the head by "reality" and that people have actually lived there for a very long time, and that people who die because of the cold probably live in the southern part of Europe.

        *the moon

    2. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: Swedish Winter..

      But it'd not so bad in the summer..

      Err, mosquitoes, horseflies, biting midges, wasps, ticks …

      I'd probably be less likely to get my kit off during a Swedish summer than winter, unless there was a swimming pool full of DEET.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Swedish Winter..

      "But it'd not so bad in the summer.."

      ...after the middle of July when the midges are dead. Voracious things anywhere in tree shade near water - and there's a lot of tree shade and relatively fresh water in that part of the world. Bad enough round Stockholm and the Finnish archipelago. They get even bigger once you get to the tundra above the Arctic Circle even though there are no trees..

      1. Stevie Silver badge

        Re: Swedish Winter..

        Bah! In Alberta and Saskatchewan they have mosquitoes that can easily be mistaken for WWI aeroplanes, and they have them by the bajillions.

        About 20 years ago I was in Banff one evening and I went to a local gas station that doubled as the local Starbucks, Dominos, Dunkin' Donuts, McDonalds etc. Lierally. Four or five little counters each branded for the business. I believe it was also the UPS office. I digress.

        As I was about to enter I saw an oily gas up in the old-style canopy, illuminated by the klieg lights.

        "My god!" I thought. "There's a gas vapor leak!"

        Then I remembered that gasoline vapor is heavier than air and noticed a young guy spraying deet along the felt seal on the door.

        "Quick, before the mossies get in!" he yelled.

        That vapor was a billion mosquitoes illuminated by bright light. As I closed the door I could see a bunch trying to crawl through the door seal. Quite why I hadn't been eaten alive while I was gawping I don't know.

        Later, at Miette Hot Springs I saw a carpet of mosquitoes over a swimming pool, driven off by the chlorine gas but drawn by the water. There was a cloud of the things over the entire length and width of the pool.

        1. Jos V

          Re: Swedish Winter..

          FWIW, many moons ago, a bunch of my friends went to Mosquito Lagoon, FL. They found out why it carries that name. One of them had to be hospitalised for anaphylactic shock treatment.

          What's in a name, eh?

    4. Whit.I.Are

      Re: Swedish Winter..

      On a trip to Finland in the winter I arrived in the morning when it was still dark. In the taxi from the airport, I asked the driver when it gets light. With characteristic Finnish deadpan he replied "April".

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "do what you feel right now and then"

    Ah, the Smörgåsbord room.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "do what you feel right now and then"

      Köttbullar med gräddsås?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "do what you feel right now and then"

        Köttbullar i gräddsås med gurka?

        1. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

          Re: "do what you feel right now and then"

          Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër? See the løveli lakes The wøndërful telephøne system And mäni interesting furry animals

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: "do what you feel right now and then"

            "Wi nøt trei a høliday in Sweden this yër?"

            Travel via Balham - the gateway to the South.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: "do what you feel right now and then"

            @Sgt_Oddball

            Hi Sven.

          3. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
            Go

            Re: "do what you feel right now and then"

            And mani interesting furry animals

            Including the majestic moose

            A moose once bit my sister...

            No realli! She was Karving her initials on the moose with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian movies: "The Hot Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink"...

            Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti...

  7. TRT Silver badge

    I say...

    Sod 'em all.

  8. 45RPM

    At that temperature, I wouldn’t have thought that there’d be much to be offended by - but at least there’d have been plenty of places to hang your hat.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      My Finnish girlfriend's family had an all-year-round holiday cottage in the archipelago. It had a wooden sauna built on the edge of the sea - with a boat jetty to give access to deeper water. When you had had enough of the sauna heat you could open the door - run down the jetty - and jump into the water. Repeat a couple of times - then retire to the adjacent lounge for fire-toasted sausage and weak beer.

      The Baltic is a shallow sea - and not very salty owing to the rivers feeding it and the narrow Kattegat channel to the Atlantic. So it has quite a wide temperature variation over the year - frozen in winter - pleasantly warmer after high summer.

      My girlfriend said that many people in the winter would roll in the snow after their sauna. She found it too hard at -20C - so she preferred to plunge into a hole cut in the sea ice.

      On holiday there with her and her family she wore only her bikini bottom the whole week. Except when we went for a swim - then she would say "No point in getting it wet". In her younger teenage years she went riding on her horse bareback in all respects.

      I've never been quite as comfortably English ever since that holiday. A stranger in a strange land.

      1. Lars Silver badge
        Happy

        @A stranger in a strange land.

        Tits are indeed scary, but let me guess, you felt you were sharing something you felt belonged to you with other male eyes, and that made you feel uneasy.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          "[...] but let me guess, you felt you were sharing something you felt belonged to you with other male eyes, and that made you feel uneasy."

          Goodness me no - The Stranger in a Strange Land reference is how I felt when I returned to prudish uptight England. That feeling hasn't changed in 40 years. I joke that my sense of culture is now somewhere in the middle of the North Sea - and people often ask "are you really English?". Scandinavian culture in general was a breath of fresh air. My Finnish girlfriends gave me a totally new perspective on many things - and non-sexual social nudity was one. We still exchange letters a couple of times a year.

          A few years later I took an Israeli girlfriend on a month's tour of Finno-Scandinavia - ending up at the family stuga for a couple of days. Several of us youngsters decided we would have a sauna. My Israeli girlfriend surprised me by saying she didn't want to share the sauna with anyone except me. As I went to negotiate this with my old girlfriend - she was coming to tell me that her Argentinian boyfriend didn't want to share the sauna either. We had a good laugh about that.

  9. Teiwaz Silver badge

    depression and broken souls

    I'm sorry, that pretty much sums up the nightclub scene as a whole...

    Whatever happened to good wholesome nudity anyway?

    Whatever actually went on in a few cases, it used to at least be about high ideals.

    Once the LGB&Q crowd are involved it's going to be cheap and tacky and about sex.

    Finish with a line from Oniichan dakedo Ai sae Areba Kankeinai yo ne! It's embarassing, but socialising naked is important...'

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: depression and broken souls

      "Once the LGB&Q crowd are involved it's going to be cheap and tacky and about sex."

      They are much he same as anyone else - some are clubbers - some prefer domesticity or fine dining.

      My godson at university in the 1990s used to go to Godskitchen. As a sort of confessional he often told me some of the things his apparently straight group did. In some ways no different to the 1960/70s - except that The PlaceMate wasn't so free and easy in those days - at least as far as sex on the premises was concerned..

      The place to go for that was the local church youth club. It was a converted house - with a soft drink "bar" and a table tennis table downstairs. Supervised by a trendy "call me Dave" guy. It was closed down after the organist's under-age daughter took advantage of the facilities in the upstairs rooms - and became pregnant.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: depression and broken souls

      Just thought you might be interested; they're planning a film about your life..

      Working title:

      I, Bigot

    3. Shades

      Re: depression and broken souls

      Once the LGB&Q crowd are involved it's going to be cheap and tacky and about sex.

      Sounds a lot more fun that you do homophobe.

      El Reg needs a "wanker" icon.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: depression and broken souls

        Respecting as I do LGB etc. human rights, and also my own:

        I wish Some of their more noticeable/objectionable/obsessional/predatorial people would become more broadly balanced, mature and respectful in their attitudes. As I imagine most are. We -all- are fa-mi-ly. Not every form of negative feedback is unfriendly.

        Respecting also the sex crowd (whatever denomination), clearly they need a place to be, where they won’t annoy others. But only with respect will They care about the latter.

        An elephant in the room. At least I hope that’s what I just felt...

  10. jake Silver badge

    Not my cuppa tea.

    I certainly wouldn't visit if I were in the area.

    However, I also wouldn't presume to judge those who do. People like Pastor Lennard Torebring of Södermalmskyrkan need to learn to mind their own business. Or was that "let him who is without sin cast the first stone" ... Turning the other cheek comes to mind, too.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Not my cuppa tea.

      Maybe it's a personal grudge on the good pastor's part like the wouldn't let him for free to do "research"?

      1. Mike Moyle Silver badge

        Re: Not my cuppa tea.

        He couldn't get the free admission if he kept his collar on.

    2. Youngone Silver badge

      Re: Not my cuppa tea.

      What's this "sexual purity".

      Asking for a friend.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not my cuppa tea.

        "What's this "sexual purity"."

        It's about breeding like rabbits to boost the congregation - once a man in a frock says you are allowed to do it.

        At least that is how it would appear to an anthropologist on Mars.

      2. onefang Silver badge

        Re: Not my cuppa tea.

        'What's this "sexual purity".'

        Sex is dirty by default, so sexual purity is doing it in a bath with lots of soap.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Not my cuppa tea.

          "[...] doing it in a bath with lots of soap."

          The water still washes away all the lubrication.

          1. onefang Silver badge

            Re: Not my cuppa tea.

            Soap is kinda slippery. On the other hand, professionals have told me that you need lots of lube for sex in a jacuzzi. That's why I said lots of soap.

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: Not my cuppa tea.

              Beware the slippery details, lest you hurt your significant other(s) ... Soap is a surfactant, not a lubricant. Right tool for the job & all that.

              1. onefang Silver badge

                Re: Not my cuppa tea.

                Well, I did originally say that lots of soap was needed for sexual purity. I didn't say anything about it being comfortable sexual purity. I prefer my sex to be dirty anyway, I'm just a dirty old man.

                1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
                  Joke

                  Re: Not my cuppa tea.

                  Two nuns sharing a bath, one says to the other

                  "Where's the soap?"

                  The other replied

                  "Yes it does rather doesn't it!"

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not my cuppa tea.

      "People like Pastor Lennard Torebring of Södermalmskyrkan need to learn to mind their own business."

      Reminds me of a fellow traveller of his back in the 1970's i9n South Africa. The NGK was the strict Protestant Church that was effectively part of the (police) State social control.

      The liberal Jo'burg Star gleefully reported the cleric saying "If God had intended us to walk about without any clothes - then we would have been born naked".

      That was a time when Afrikaaners kept their daughters under very strict control until they were 18. At which point like lambs to the slaughter they quickly became pregnant. It was said that the English speaking South Africans gave their teenage daughters much more freedom - and put the Pill in their breakfast cereal.

      The Ingmar Bergman semi-autobiographical "Fanny and Alexander" has just been transferred to the London stage as a play. The original was a TV mini-series and then a cut-down film version. It portrays his bishop stepfather as the sort of cleric for whom the classification as Puritan is too liberal.

  11. pyite42

    Helpful, actually

    It is good for depressed people to get out of the house and mingle with other people. This is a great alternative to isolation.

  12. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    "depression and broken souls"

    Somewhere there's a Swedish heavy metal that needs your help writing lyrics.

  13. StuntMisanthrope Bronze badge

    Hard Times, Soft Drinks...

    Goddammit, having been thrown out of Sunday school at a young age, out-grown cubs as a way back in, the only thing left on a sunday morning was a night out dancing, now in a revelation, that's out too. Colour me confused...#3questions

  14. Paul Stimpson

    "We believe in sexual purity and that sexuality needs to be protected through marriage."

    Ah, puritanism... That terrible fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

  15. Phil Kingston Silver badge

    Love that when I looked at this there were "69" comments.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Will it manage 333?

    2. jake Silver badge

      Shall we all play ...

      ... "Spot The Youngster!"?

  16. mhenriday
    Thumb Up

    -11° ?

    Oh, the weather outside is frightful

    But the dance is so delightful....

    Henri

    PS : The island of Södermalm is not «near Stockholm», as the article claims, but rather an integral part of that city. Mr Kunert should take note....

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Skandabrøt

    When I was a yoof in London I used to drink at a Swedish theme bar in Hampstead. At the entrance was a sign advertising various Scandinavian snacks. One of them was "Tasty Skandabrøt". They not only had no brøt but did not sell any form of food! I'm sure that the barmaids got fed-up with us asking for it. It's only redeeming feature was its proximity to a nurse's home. Friday nights were good!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Skandabrøt

      Went into a US coffee bar called “Java”, and intrigued, asked for a “Java coffee”, whereupon bemused operatives said they had never heard of it. I guess this is why:

      https://driftaway.coffee/coffee-called-java/

      Now off to a Norwegian bar to enquire after Nora Knackers.

  18. JDX Gold badge

    Leave your clothes in the cloakroom

    Considering how much that costs, and the lines, just for a coat... this is going to be a nightmare. Especially when you lose your cloakroom ticket.

  19. Jamie Jones Silver badge
    Flame

    ".....including Pastor Lennard Torebring of Södermalmskyrkan, a church in the heart of Stockholm.

    "We believe in sexual purity and that sexuality needs to be protected through marriage," he told local rag StockholmDirekt."

    Fine. Then don't have sex unitl you're married. Simple. No-one is forcing youto do what these guys are doing..

    If they were campainging for you and others to follow suit, I'd agree with you - I mean, complaining to the media about something that is none of your business, and attempting to force your views onto others in such a way would be disgusting

    TL;DR Mind your own fucking business and sort out the depravity in your own bloody organisation.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tremendous promotion work.

    London has some very fine and well regarded nights too, however, in the UK total nudity is a breach of many councils' licensing terms. This can be easily circumnavigated by the wearing of a length of string around the waist should the urge take you. Perhaps you could talk to the promoters of Subversion or TG and ask them about their never-ending fights with club owners, licensing authorities etc.

    Crystal Palace Football Club hosted one club night until very recently.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "[...] UK total nudity is a breach of many councils' licensing terms."

    It's ok at indoor pools on naturist nights. The pool attendants used to say that the naturist family club nights were much better behaved than the general public - especially the children. However some swims barred families when the child protection rules started to feel a burden.

  22. I&I

    Let’s go doing that in the rain. Ooh-yeah, and the snow! (briefly). And the warm room. We- hee!

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