back to article Due to Oracle being Oracle, Eclipse holds poll to rename Java EE (No, it won't be Java McJava Face)

Unable to convince Oracle to allow the use of its trademarked term "Java" to refer to the open source version of Java Enterprise Edition (Java EE), the Eclipse Foundation is asking those who care about such things to vote on proposed names for the software project. Last summer, Oracle said it had begun working with the Eclipse …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lame name options IMHO

    I would have chose a coffee theme like cappuccino.

    1. MacroRodent Silver badge

      Re: Lame name options IMHO

      "Robusta" could have been nice: it is a variety of the coffee plant, and also associates with robustness, something one wants in an enterprise platform.

      1. onefang Silver badge

        Re: Lame name options IMHO

        '"Robusta" could have been nice: it is a variety of the coffee plant, and also associates with robustness, something one wants in an enterprise platform.'

        I was under the impression that what people wanted in an enterprise platform was expensive bloat and job preserving complexity.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lame name options IMHO

          "I was under the impression that what people wanted in an enterprise platform was expensive bloat and job preserving complexity."

          So, Starbucks it is then.

          1. jelabarre59 Silver badge

            Re: Lame name options IMHO

            So, Starbucks it is then.

            Would hit other trademark issues though. Use "StarSUCKS" and it could berefferential to both the language *and* the coffee shop.

        2. Friendly Neighbourhood Coder Dan

          @ onefang Re: Lame name options IMHO

          "I was under the impression that what people wanted in an enterprise platform was expensive bloat and job preserving complexity"

          That's why Spring and Hibernate were invented. To teach those who though a select query couldn't be a time consuming processor hammering nightmare a lesson. The software equivalent of chopsticks - in my case at least :-)

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lame name options IMHO

          '"Robusta" could have been nice: it is a variety of the coffee plant, and also associates with robustness, something one wants in an enterprise platform.

          Except Robusta are the cheaper, bitter coffee beans used for instant coffee that have a higher caffeine content and kick your arse.

    2. Roq D. Kasba

      Re: Lame name options IMHO

      Spiced pumpkin extra sugar latte coffee flavoured milk drink

    3. boltar

      Re: Lame name options IMHO

      "I would have chose a coffee theme like cappuccino."

      Tbh thats a fairly obvious choice and unsurprisingly someone already thought of it:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cappuccino_(application_development_framework)

      I doubt there are many coffee themed names that haven't been used. You'd probably have to settle for something like skinnyflatwhitesoyatasteslikefloorsweepingsinpus

    4. Oh Homer
      Trollface

      A name befitting its character

      KOB: King of Bloatware.

      1. croky

        Re: A name befitting its character

        Jabba huh ? ... and talking about "bloated",what about just calling it "The Hutt" ?

    5. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Lame name options IMHO

      "I would have chose a coffee theme like cappuccino."

      Call it 'Joe', and you can keep the 'J' in every potentially affected acronym.

      Now I'm gonna go and get me a nice cuppa Joe...

      1. Tigra 07 Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Lame name options IMHO

        Gava pronounced with a hard G. Sounds the same but is spelt differently.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lame name options IMHO

          Gava pronounced with a hard G. Sounds the same but is spelt differently.

          Which reminds me, if your're tempted to try the Guavacados at Whole Foods, DON'T

      2. RegW

        Re: Lame name options IMHO

        > Call it 'Joe', and you can keep the 'J' in every potentially affected acronym.

        J0ee surely!

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lame name options IMHO

      "I would have chose a coffee theme like cappuccino."

      Well seeing as Java is such a pile of shite, how about 'Luwak' ?

    7. shonangreg

      Re: Lame name options IMHO

      How about JaCoffee? Simple and unique. Sounds a bit like "Jack-offy", so maybe JaCafe, JaCoughie ;-) JaAssholeBillionaire, JaJoe, Jaba, ...

    8. jelabarre59 Silver badge

      Re: Lame name options IMHO

      I would have chose a coffee theme like cappuccino.

      There's always Postum. Something that pretends to be a programming language but really isn't.

    9. The Man Who Fell To Earth Silver badge

      Not sure who is lamer, Oracle or the Java Foundation

      This is naming a language, not brain surgery. Just call it JEE and move on. If anyone asks if that word is really an acronym, you can wisper (outside of Oracle's hearing) that it stands for Java Enterprise Edition.

    10. x 7

      Re: Lame name options IMHO

      "I would have chose a coffee theme like cappuccino."

      there was an early open-source Java alternative of that name, must have been 12 years ago at least

  2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    Why not ask James Gosling to choose a name?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Getting JGEE with it?

    2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "Why not ask James Gosling to choose a name?"

      Maybe he'd suggest MeaCulpa.

  3. ibmalone Silver badge

    Android?

  4. elDog Silver badge

    Another perfectly crummy alternative to C/Java: chicory

    It was foisted on the US public during WW-II so the GIs could get the "real" stuff (not sure they did.)

    In the 70's (when I sorta grew up) it was touted as healthier - just like carob was better than chocolate. Hah!

    It is also highly touted in NOLA but usually backed by real java.

    Chicory has a very new-age ring to it, don't you think. And the releases could start at Chic-1.0.0.0.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Another perfectly crummy alternative to C/Java: chicory

      It was foisted on the US public

      One of the many things where USA and Russia are much more alike than people would like to admit. Literally same story up to the 70-es. As a result anyone who wanted real coffee had to get green Cuban beans by various semi-illicit channels, roast them and grind them by themselves. The smell of freshly roasted coffee beans early in the morning... It smells like...

      You can still have it hoisted on you today by the way. If you are unfortunate to go to the more obscure corners of Greece you need to carry a Bialetti and at least 1kg of ground to sustain yourself. The coffee in the cafanas as well as the stuff in nearly all small hotels is all spiked with shit and practically undrinkable.

      So if you want to draw a connotation that it is something vile and vomit inducing chicory would be a good choice.

      1. davidp231

        Re: Another perfectly crummy alternative to C/Java: chicory

        "The coffee in the cafanas as well as the stuff in nearly all small hotels is all spiked with shit and practically undrinkable."

        "Errrgghh! This coffee tastes like shit!"

        "It is shit, Austin!"

        1. Someone Else Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: Another perfectly crummy alternative to C/Java: chicory

          "The coffee in the cafanas as well as the stuff in nearly all small hotels is all spiked with shit and practically undrinkable."

          "Errrgghh! This coffee tastes like shit!"

          "But it's really great shit, Mrs. Preske!"

      2. Solmyr ibn Wali Barad

        Re: Another perfectly crummy alternative to C/Java: chicory

        "Literally same story up to the 70-es"

        Whereas 80-s brought along some improvements. 1) After years of experiments, our glorious research institutes had developed a range of coffee substitutes (rye and other grains + chicory) that were quite, but not entirely unlike coffee. With copious amounts of Armenian brandy to go with it they were almost drinkable.

        (side note: while trying to hunt down images of these chicory products I discovered that chicory is now being touted as a health product. Fuckity fuck.)

        2) And now the real bombshell. In 80's, in Soviet Russia, in actual stores that were accessible for ordinary people, there were real Arabica coffee beans for sale!!!

        Granted, they were sold for a princely sum of 20 roubles per kilogram, while ordinary engineer could earn about 120-130 roubles in a month. But still, anyone could have some if they so desired. Eat your hearts out, capitalist running dogs!

        1. Joe Werner

          Re: Another perfectly crummy alternative to C/Java: chicory

          Heh... yea, that stuff was sold as "coffee" after (likely also during) the war in Germany as well. The 80s saw strong marketing of rye-based alternatives as the healthy option. #'em, I need the caffeine!

          Remark: the salad stuff is (closely) related to it but not the same plant. TBH after they crossbred out the bitterness I like it much less... The old stuff wrapped in ham and cooked in a white sauce (gratinated with cheese!) was just great!

      3. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: Greek coffee

        The coffee in the cafanas as well as the stuff in nearly all small hotels is all spiked with shit and practically undrinkable.

        That must because it all comes out of a huge tin with a 'Nescafe' label on it.

        The same goes for large parts of S. America and Africa. Even in places where they grow Coffee, you seem to get served luke warm dishwater instead of the real thing.

        1. BurnStuff

          Re: Greek coffee

          +1 even in a coffee growing region, sitting under a coffee bush. Apparently until very recently Colombia did not retain any of its finest quality coffee preferring to export it all as a cash crop and as a result the Colombians are mostly used to instant!

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Greek coffee

          Even in places where they grow Coffee, you seem to get served luke warm dishwater instead of the real thing.

          I thought that would have been the IBM cafeterias...

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. Robert Carnegie Silver badge

    Or

    Foracle, it is short for -

  6. sloshnmosh

    They should name it...

    "ASK Toolbar"

    Or whatever it comes "bundled" with nowadays.

  7. JohnFen Silver badge

    "Had anyone asked us, we'd have suggested !@#$ Larry EE"

    That's far too kind to Larry.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Just call it "Enterprise Leisure Suit Edition".

      And leave it at that.

      1. oldcoder

        That would result in ELSE....

    2. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Shame they've ruled out Yachty McYachtface.

  8. tony trolle
    Happy

    mmm

    Hava ?

    Hava = Have awful viable acronym

    pronounced jah-vuh

    1. Notas Badoff

      In a galaxy far, far away (sufficiently to get away from Oracle's shadow)

      Name it Jawa. Then the whole language becomes JawaEEz. And thus the community is revealed as "small hooded creatures with glowing eyes".

      Some of the brightest people are scarfed up into those lumbering crawlers and then are never seen again, at least, not in unbroken form.

    2. Swarthy Silver badge

      Re: Hava

      Nagila?

      Not that there's much to rejoice about, other than maybe getting out from under Oracle. ...Actually, that is something worth rejoicing.

  9. steve11235

    Is this taken?

    How about "Spring Boot"? Oh, is that already in use? I suppose both the name and framework are. I'm glad my next engagement uses a Java*Script* stack.

    1. Solmyr ibn Wali Barad

      Re: Is this taken?

      Sumatrascript is taken, but SumatraEE might be doable.

  10. Randy Hudson

    How about "black hole"?

  11. G Fan

    Just call it kava - close enough geographically, physiologically and typographically, and yet completely different

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Pint

      Cava

      Hic

    2. EarthDog

      Krakatoa? It has Krac in it.

      1. Richard 12 Silver badge

        West, or East of Java?

  12. GrapeBunch Bronze badge

    Bottomless. Might appeal to the multiple entendre crowd. Like everybody.

  13. JulieM Silver badge

    Rosie

    Obviously. If a cup of coffee is a cup of Java, then a cup of tea is a cup of Rosie Lee. Or just Rosie for short.

    1. Justin Case

      Re: Rosie

      Rosie does it for me. Lovely.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Rosie

        "Rosie does it for me" .......

        Lucky you, but what has that got to do with choosing a name?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Rosie

          "Rosie does it for me" .......

          Lucky you, but what has that got to do with choosing a name?

          The name "Rosie" when used in this context invokes a sense of security, less chance of infection.

          But saying it's "Lucky" depends on your point of view or past experience(s).

      2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: Rosie

        "Cider with Rosie"

    2. Alistair Silver badge

      Re: Rosie

      sorry;

      The only Rosie reference that sticks in my mind is here

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yorkshire suggestion

    EE Bahgum

  15. onefang Silver badge

    C-- is already taken, it's what I call Microsoft's C#. Maybe they could use --C?

    1. JulieM Silver badge

      I think they missed a trick not calling the Open Source implementation of C# "D flat". But maybe someone just wasn't feeling even-tempered that day .....

      1. Soruk

        Upvoted for the musical pun. Definitely struck a chord with me!

        1. JulieM Silver badge

          A D note, an F note and an A note walk into a bar. The landlady says On your bikes, we don't serve minors in here .....

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      "C-- is already taken, it's what I call Microsoft's C#"

      I've always called it "C-pound". It's what I want Micro-shaft to do with it. Like sand.

      Java, on the other hand, has some uses (and no ".Not"). But it _still_ suffers from that bass-ackwards way of thinking that's "all too common" in the world of alleged "object-oriented" lingos...

      Oracle's desire to stranglehold Java was actually _CAUSED_ by Micro-shaft's attempt to embrace/extend/extinguish it, which THEN gave [illegitimate] birth to C-pound and then J-pound... (does anyone even USE J-pound? The Wikipedia article says it's no longer supported)

      one online page suggests that C-pound was originally C++++ but was hard to type in, and so the 4 '+' became the '#' because it kinda looks like 4 plus signs...

      1. Steve Channell
        Windows

        Egalitarian Oracle?

        Nothing to do with Microsoft, oracle bought Sun to make money from Java

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "I've always called it "C-pound".

        You dont say why you call it C£ - its free to use. Anyway .Net is a way better product to work with than Java. Much faster too for most uses.

        1. Trilkhai

          >>"I've always called it "C-pound".

          >You dont say why you call it C£

          Most likely because the # on landline phones used to be known as the "pound sign" for a very long time, at least in parts of the US. (I have no idea how that came about, though.)

          1. John G Imrie Silver badge

            IIRC

            # was used in the US as the pound (weight) symbol where as the UK used lb,which comes from the latin libra

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            "Most likely because the # on landline phones used to be known as the "pound sign" for a very long time, at least in parts of the US."

            So a dated and not very funny play on words specific to the colonies. Makes sense from that op.

        2. Someone Else Silver badge

          "I've always called it "C-pound".

          When that abomination came to pass, I looked up the "#" character in various references, and found one of it's other names was pigpen. It was henceforth and forever "C-pigpen" for me.

          Truth in advertising...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            "When that abomination came to pass,"

            I take it you are not a developer then. Its a way way neater solution than Java.

            1. Someone Else Silver badge

              @AC

              You can take anything you like. Just don't count on what you take to be a fact....

  16. yosemite

    Meh

    Honestly? Java? Who cares what you call it...history perhaps?

    1. Swiss Anton

      Re: Meh

      I'm voting for calling it "Pension"

      Java is going to be around for a long time yet. Heck there are systems written in Cobol that are still being used. What with the lottery that pensions have now become, I will probably have to keep hacking Java well past my nominal retirement age.

      1. HmmmYes Silver badge

        Re: Meh

        I really wish Java had become the language if business.

        Its on of the few areas where it really could have dominated.

        Use all that hype to get companies to move legacy away from old the wild and wooly, onto one software based platform.

        No more porting - just shift the VM to whaever.

        Except Sun chased shiny shiny and bandwagons - mobiles whatever.

        How many guis does java sdk ship with 3-4. A v very simple form based gui is all business needs. Sun should have ditched the lot and just included an interface to QT.

        And my biggest java bugbear. Totall lack of thought on interfacing integrating other java code. No, you just have one applivcation. Or you shove it behind a huge fucking frame work that makes corbra look good.

        Me. Id have stripped java se to the vm a text console and socket. Concentrate of having a light wieght asy way of bolting large subsystems on. And invest heavily on means of testing - java dteave? - and automating. Not the badly thought out junk that java has.

  17. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Pint

    Beer

    Free Beer!

    Free, as in software freedom, and Beer!

    1. Eddy Ito Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Beer

      Oh shit, what did Beer do? It's one of those BS attempts by the government to oppress the little guy for finding out government has been lying to us, isn't it.

      Well count me in. Free Beer now!!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    JavaScript Enterprise

    or

    * Mister Creosote

    * Hammer Time

    * Oak Origins

    * Wars in a Time of Pieces

  19. Morrie Wyatt
    Mushroom

    Isn't it obvious?

    Krakatoa

    East of Java. (It's actually west, but never let the truth get in the way of a catchy title.)

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Isn't it obvious?

      Can we have a boom? Pretty please?

      No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There will always be a boom tomorrow...

      Yeah, I know, somebody needs to put things into perspective...

      1. James 51 Silver badge

        Re: Isn't it obvious?

        @Voland Today you should change your handle to Vorland's right hand.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Isn't it obvious?

        Sooner or later...

        Boom!

      3. jelabarre59 Silver badge

        Re: Isn't it obvious?

        No boom today. Boom tomorrow. There will always be a boom tomorrow...

        Yeah, I know, somebody needs to put things into perspective...

        An upvote for an Ivanova reference. After all, "Ivanova is God"...

    2. JulieM Silver badge

      Re: Isn't it obvious?

      Not to mention the lesser-known sequel, set in Blighty: Essex, South of Kent.

      Though if you set off Eastward-bound from Java and travelled long enough, you would eventually reach Krakatoa .....

    3. EarthDog

      Re: Isn't it obvious?

      As I posted (too soon! I didn't see this post. sorry) earlier it has "Krac" in it.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Look out: Ninja!

    Ninja Is Not JAva

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Look out: Ninja!

      @AC

      Ninja Is Not JAva

      Are you from the Wine community?

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: Look out: Ninja!

      @AC

      Ninja Is Not JAva

      Have you considered offering the rights to that name to Google/Alphabet?

  21. Christoph Silver badge

    Jakarta EE?

    As ISIRTA put it many years ago:

    My wife went to the West Indies!

    Jamaica?

    Oh, is that in the West Indies?

    Yes.

    Then I must have meant the East Indies.

    Jakarta?

    No, she went by train.

  22. Steve Channell
    Happy

    Yava

    Yet Another Virtual Architecture, shows progression from JAVA origin (just another virtual architecture)

  23. HmmmYes Silver badge

    Any sane company, no matter how nice, will defend and protect its trademarks and IP.

    Oracle arent nice.

    Just make up a name FFS.

    Business suite?

  24. Roq D. Kasba

    Microsoft aren't using J++ any more

    Or J# for that matter. Just for the irony.

    1. HmmmYes Silver badge

      Re: Microsoft aren't using J++ any more

      Yeah. You dont want to use any name assiciated with MS...

      J++ - Java and MS joined together.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about 'Prevaricate'...

    Sums up the Java development process quite well, I think.

  26. SVV Silver badge

    EEJIT

    Enterprise Edition Java Internet Technology

    1. WinHatter
      Coat

      Re: EEJIT

      I is for Inept rather.

  27. EarthDog

    Go with a planet motif

    I'd like to see Planet 10, Nemesis, or maybe GJ 1214 b

  28. Bill M

    Java McJava Face

    What's wrong with calling it Java McJava Face ?

    I'm going to call it that even if nobody else does.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. horse of a different color

      Re: Java McJava Face

      Surely it would be JavaSingletonFaceFactoryObjectDelegateBuilder, to use the appropriate EE nomenclature.

  29. Walter Bishop Silver badge

    Jawa Enterprise Edition (Jawa EE) ..

    Jawa is Javanese for Java.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Jawa Enterprise Edition (Jawa EE) ..

      "Jawa is Javanese for Java."

      It's also an extinct Czech motorcycle of which it was said that when they were new they looked ten years old, but twenty years later they still looked ten years old. So quite appropriate really.

      1. fedoraman
        Facepalm

        Re: Jawa Enterprise Edition (Jawa EE) ..

        Haha! I remember the Jawa/Cz bike, my brother had one. The "ignition key" could be replaced with a 4-inch nail. Wonderful machine, not.

  30. Poncey McPonceface
    Facepalm

    Every single suggestion here is better than either of the two yawn and sleep inducing names on offer. However 'Enterprise Profile' makes me want to slit my wrists (overly dramatic, moi?!) so Jakarta EE it is I hope.

  31. stronnag

    lpod, obviously

    LPOD : Larry, Prince of Darkness. I think Gosling would approve.

  32. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    I know this is complete clickbait but..

    .... why is El Reg using a pink coffee mug pic from Shutterstock with the face of Nancy Pelosi forming in the broth?

    Also "Should Have Used Go".

    Well no. Though a nice language, go is not a step up and it's not about the language anyway as "EE" refers to "Enterprisy" libraries, add-ons, principles, application servers and large books "fleshing out" the Java Standard Edition. I'm partial to Spring Framework myself btw.

    Does such a thing even exist in Go?

  33. dshan

    Nescaf EE. Mokona EE. FairTrade EE. And there's always Avaj ee.

    1. EarthDog

      Folgers? Maxwell? Might get sued by Folgers. Might get away with it if you say it was named after the scientist.

  34. handleoclast

    It's obvious.

    They should call it Orange.

    Orange and T-Mobile merged their operations to form the fuckwittedly-named "Everything Everywhere" then hastily shortened that to EE. So Java EE can become Orange.

    Alternatively, they can call it Kopi Luwak. The most expensive coffee in the world. Made by letting luwaks (palm civets) eat kopi (coffee) cherries then extracting the beans from their droppings. Which sums up Java: overhyped with more than a hint of shit about it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's obvious.

      "Alternatively, they can call it Kopi Luwak. The most expensive coffee in the world. Made by letting luwaks (palm civets) eat kopi (coffee) cherries then extracting the beans from their droppings."

      Somebody gave me 100g of it once. I have to say it is excellent coffee. But nobody could call J2EE type applications rare or, usually, of superlative quality.

      1. sisk Silver badge

        Re: It's obvious.

        I've often thought about trying Kopi Luwak, but I've not actually found a compelling enough reason to pay $50-$100 for a cup of coffee. So not so very much different from Java.

    2. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: It's obvious.

      Orange and T-Mobile only merged in UK. Orange is still the largest telecommunications company in France - when France Telecom took over Orange, it changed its own name to Orange.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's obvious.

      "Alternatively, they can call it Kopi Luwak."

      Someone beat you to it earlier in the thread.

  35. JLV Silver badge

    This is J2EE - Gwyneth Paltrow's Coffee Enema?

    Whatever you think of Java, the language, this is not it. This is a whole other level of Enterprise-ness and a total "usine a gaz"*.

    This is the project to which Spring is perceived to be an improvement.

    These are the people that brought you EE Beans - bloated ORM objects that get to decide to remote themselves wherever they want, unless you somehow bind them cleverly to the same nodes by ensuring locale-ness. Shoving configs into XML so that you can have more dynamic declarations, thus bypassing the compiler entirely and making source harder to grok. This is abstraction for the sake of it, without underlying reasons.

    Besides enema:

    - Bloatus?

    - Compendium of Design Patterns?

    - Overdesignus?

    - Consultantware?

    * Usine a gaz

    A very nice French expression tailor-made for this type of IT which basically means a machine to make hot air - useless complexity to achieve nothing much. c.f. a Rube Goldberg contraption.

  36. John Savard Silver badge

    Follow Fedora

    Since the open source version of Red Hat Linux is called Fedora... presumably they should be looking for another name for coffee. So perhaps they should call it "Joe".

  37. Boohoo4u

    There is only one possibility: Kopi luwak

    Most Expensive Coffee in the World

    It has been produced from the coffee beans which have been digested by a certain Indonesian cat-like animal called then palm civet or also civet cat. This is the reason kopi luwak is also called cat poop coffee or civet cat coffee. The feces of this cat will be collected, finished and sold as kopi luwak.

  38. James Anderson Bronze badge

    Kudzoo

    A useless weed that just grows and grows strangling useful plants and pretty flowers.

    1. jelabarre59 Silver badge

      Re: Kudzoo

      A useless weed that just grows and grows strangling useful plants and pretty flowers.

      Kind of like Japanese Knotweed (ask me how I know).

  39. stephanh Silver badge

    Bloaty McBloatFace

    The post is required, and must contain letters.

  40. onefang Silver badge

    I do wonder what coffee addict was desperate enough to be the first one to try making and drinking coffee out of beans that had passed through a cat. And purely for the sake of completion, has any one tried other breeds of cat?

    1. Updraft102 Silver badge

      And purely for the sake of completion, has any one tried other breeds of cat?

      The civet isn't really a cat at all. An actual cat would be a lot more likely to eat the civet than to eat the coffee beans... which I suppose would be one way to get the coffee beans into the actual cat.

      1. onefang Silver badge

        "The civet isn't really a cat at all. An actual cat would be a lot more likely to eat the civet than to eat the coffee beans... which I suppose would be one way to get the coffee beans into the actual cat."

        Sounds like the perfect drink to wash down a turducken.

    2. handleoclast
      Coat

      Re: I do wonder what coffee addict was desperate enough

      Bloody civets, pooping all over the place. Get off my lawn!

      I'll just get a stick and flick the poop over the hedge into the neighbour's garden. It was probably one of his civets. And even if it wasn't, he never returned my lawnmower after he borrowed it, so he can trigger a few poopmines when he mows his lawn.

      Damn, I messed that up. The poop broke open.

      Oh, what's that. *prod* *prod* *poke* It looks like a coffee bean, It is a coffee bean.

      Hmmmmmm.

      Might as well try making coffee from it. It's not like I can normally afford to drink coffee on the meagre amount of money I get paid to pick coffee beans.

      Ugh! Tastes like shit! Pretty much what I expected.

      Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

      Suppose I tell everyone it tastes wonderful. Those rich bastards will queue up to drink the stuff and pretend it tastes wonderful.

      That would be very, very funny.

      Now if only I could invent a crap programming language and convince everyone to use it. That would be even funnier.

      Mine's the one with the civet poop in the pocket. Bloody neighbour got his own back for me flicking the stuff into his garden.

      1. onefang Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: I do wonder what coffee addict was desperate enough

        "Bloody civets, pooping all over the place. Get off my lawn! ..."

        Have a beer, it will help wash away the taste of that coffee.

    3. sisk Silver badge

      I do wonder what coffee addict was desperate enough to be the first one to try making and drinking coffee out of beans that had passed through a cat.

      I'm convinced it was a dare.

      Completely off topic, Legendee Gold allegedly duplicates the taste of Kopi Luwak without involving the civets by treating the beans with enzymes and then roasting them. Good way to try it for anyone who's hesitant to drink literal crap coffee or pay $100 a pound. It's still pretty pricey (around the same price to make at home as what you'd pay for normal coffee at Starbucks), but nowhere near as bad.

  41. Jonathan 27 Bronze badge

    The marketing name doesn't really matter. Anyone who uses J2EE is going to know it pretty much immediately. It's their job. The open source version of PhoneGap is Apache Cordova and that didn't stop the community from embracing it.

  42. Mark Simon

    What about J?

    When Microsoft first copied JavaScript, they called it JScript. Technically, the JavaScript name was licensed from Sun, and then only to Netscape, so that was a pretty obvious workaround.

    1. 2+2=5 Silver badge

      Re: What about J?

      > What about J?

      No - J is a long-established language already.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/J_(programming_language)

  43. WhoAmI?
    Coat

    Bitey McBytecode?

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Continuing with the Indonesian theme...

    How about Sumatra?

  45. oneeye

    How about "Orca" because everyone knows big Red is a "Killer Whale"

    If not? I vote for Mr. Robot or F-Society!

  46. RealBigAl

    Covfefe enterprise edition

  47. WibbleMe

    Jopen ... or something easy to pronounce

  48. katrinab Silver badge

    Assam?

    How about Assam, a state in India, known for its tea?

  49. thosrtanner

    ersatz

    As people started to bring history into this and what people were fobbed off with.

    I'd have gone for Acorn, but that used to produce rather nice home computers

  50. teknopaul Bronze badge

    not java

    If JEE is not Java, Android is not java, OpenJDK is not Java.

    That leaves Oracle's Java on the desktop & browser: how much is that trademark worth now?

  51. Bryan Hall

    How about...

    The software formerly known as JavaEE.

    Or maybe just some unpronounceable symbol.

    :-)

  52. x 7

    Only one possible name: Krakatoa

  53. ForthIsNotDead
    Coat

    Rectum

    'cause it's stuffed full of shit.

  54. Old Coot

    HaL -- Happy as Larry

    I mean, if he ain't happy now, then when's he gonna be?

  55. phord

    How about "Not JavaScript". Oh, wait. "Not JS"? Oh, I've got it. "No JS". That won't be confusing.

  56. sisk Silver badge

    Great. Now every time someone mentions Java for the next week I'm gonna think of Java McJavaface. Thanks Reg!

  57. Kabukiwookie Silver badge
    Flame

    They could have called it 'Kopi Luwak', it's one of the most expensive coffees and the beans are excreted by a weasel like mammal after consumption.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kopi_luwak

    Coffee related, expensive, derived from shit. Sounds like Java.

  58. Havin_it

    Jolly Enterprising Edutainment for Business

    or JEEBus.

  59. SeanC4S

    md 20/20.

  60. Morten

    Java displaced one letter is Kbwb, basically pronounced Kebab.

    This has the added bonus of being tasty, and also to give room for related projects... Sish-kebab, Kebab Pita, Kebab Hot Stuff, Kebab Sauce, Kebab AOMS (all-over-my-suit, as in walking home from the night club and chugging a kebab on the way)

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