My sordid imagination was profoundly disappointed to learn that "lady crisps" were not any sort of anatomical reference.
Still, good to know that MBAs are providing value to their employers.
The boss of PepsiCo – the parent company of Doritos – has suggested women need their own lady crisps, apparently so they can keep their mouths quiet and their fingers clean. Indra Nooyi told Freakonomics Radio that "young guys" will happily lick the orange dust off their fingers and guzzle down the broken bits of crisps at the …
That's how this always works.
Identify a frailty in women.
Don't bother to check if it exists in men too.
Spend ages researching if this causes the gender pay gap, campaigning for special considerations for all women because they get this thing, insisting this is why women should stay in the kitchen (delete as applicable)
Discover men get it too and you'd have known that if you spent five minutes finding out.
Waste your life.
Impostor Syndrome, Hysteria, Aversion to orange crap on your hands. The cycle repeats and repeats.
Ladies, let it be known that most of the time we men hate the same shit you do. But some of us (and some of you) don't and that's fine as well.
"I'm a man, but I hate getting that orange crap all over my fingers too."
Option 1 - I'M HAVING IT ALL: Open bag of chips and pour chips into your month. Grab a bag of chips for both hand for double enjoyment.
Option 2 - CHIPS STACK: Buy large none orange chips and use it to scoop up orange chips. The higher the stack, the better.
Option 3 - CEREAL BUT BETTER: Open bag of chips and get a spoon to scoop up chips. The bigger the spoon, the more chips you'll get.
Option 4 - CAN I HAZ CHIPS: Ask your partner to grab chips and feed it to you. Warning, your partner might finish all your chips before you get any.
Option wtf - IM A DINOSAUR: Clean the table first, then put chips on the table. Rawr your way through and pickup chips with only your mouth. Warning, this may cause unintended reactions when seen by 3rd party.
If you were (like I am, apparently) you would realise that once the doors are closed and the servants abed that 'ladies' turn into the feeding equivalent of a werewolf pack at full moon set loose in a kindergarten, plus they swear a lot (but well).
When my wife is indulging in a large bag of crisps all I can see are her the tips of her ears and her hair. Everything else is in the nose-bag, including both hands. It's quite a spectacle I can assure you, and the noise would send a velociraptor scurrying for it's mummy.
"bags of air"
Any product revision broadly in the category of food ('snack' or 'convenience") is a bit of legerdemain to raise the price -- typically by changing the portion size while keeping the price constant -- which is ultimately a scheme to increase remuneration to management for the important value they bring to the company by suggesting such revisions. There's something poetic about it all.
Not eating the bits at the bottom....is madness
Let's face it, the actual tortilla chip is merely an edible spade in this context. If they sold bags of concentrated flavouring and food dye, we could cut out the corn altogether.
Used to be the case that if you bought cheap cheesy snacks, every so often you'd find a large nugget of pure, unadulterated flavourings, salt and additives, which was bloody marvellous.
I don't get it. Doritos flavours are universally horrible - except for the lightly salted ones. But they are conveniently shaped like shovels. Hence their use for getting guacamole, sour cream and/or salsa into my mouth. Which conveniently then requires it to be washed through with some reviving liquid - preferably blended from 3 parts tequila, 2 parts lime juice and 1.8 parts triple sec.
Man goes to the doctors complaining that his penis is orange. The doctor looks at it and says 'Do you work with chemicals? the man replies 'no' 'Well' the doctor say 'Do you lift heavy equipment? again the man replies 'no'... 'Well, what do you do all day?' asks the doctor... the man replies 'Watch porn and eat wotsits'
Surely the BIC pink pen debacle, along with upteen other failed products aimed at women, that seem to have either been dreamed up in some chap's head or based on a very odd sub-set of potential customers, would ahve given Pepsico pause. But no.
But I guess suggesting that they can launch a snack that makes no sound and leaves no crumbs or dust (cheese string??) is easier than paying your female staff equal wages.
I know, crazy!!
Hmm... the pink tool set is just a pink tool set, the closest they get to saying they intend it for a woman is the rather neutral, "Parents find it an empowering gift to give children as they leave the nest. " At least the tools appear to have normal functionality for a tool set. Happy Stan destroys the function of the tool by making it a joke. Then, on page 5 of the "also bought" is:
is a 2-inch pocket knife in a fake key a concealed weapon? Would anyone be stupid enough to use it in self-defence? Hopefully, the only damage will be to whatever the owner uses to carry it.
I am seriously tempted by this tool kit. I'm going to be moving in the next week or two so no long distance mail order before then but I still might.
Also the lemur fursuit people often buy with it intrigues. I'm not usually that way inclined but lemurs are so cute.
"these 'tool kits' usually fail"
These kits are glorified security blankets; they typically include large numbers of incredibly inexpensive-to-produce fiddly bits of little value and little use in order to pump up the item count to make it seem as though there's a deal to be had. The one or two included items that ever get regular use is what the purchase price is really buying -- functionally a price gouging almost without equal. Ultimately, they're a false economy -- pink or otherwise. And, on the subject of colours: pink is a bitch to coordinate.
My dad used to dip all his tools in pink, rubber grip fluid that also made them electricly insulated from the hand that gripped them. For example a wrench that would otherwise conduct large amounts of power straight up the holder's arm instead had that path blocked by the dried, pink, rubberizing goop.
It had the added benefit of making them incredibly hard to loan out, or at least that's how it appeared to my little kid eyes as someone would come over & ask to borrow something, see all the "!PINK!" tools, & hastily backtrack away like a scalded puppy.
If I knew what the insulating goo was called I'd post it here for others to make use of, but a quick internet search should reveal it if it still exists.
I remember the stuff all too vividly because I once tried to dip one of his tools to see if it worked. Unfortunately my little kid mind at the time didn't think things through. The goo had dried & had hardened into it's permanent, iron like coating before I realized I'd dipped the *head* of the wrench instead of the handle.
*HeadDesks repeatedly in embarrassment*
Worse of all it is described as 'Amazon's Choice for "ladies tool kit" ' !!!???
[Good God in Heaven are Amazon in a Time Warp circa 1950s ???]
This is why there is a Gender Pay Gap ....... only a Man has the 'Cojones' to suggest this AND get it accepted as a 'Selling Point'. !!!
Obviously, worth every extra penny.
P.S. If this was actually suggested by a Woman then there is still much work that needs to be done re: working together for an objective.
I did not realise that if 'Tools' are not a Pinkish hue they don't work for Women !!!
<Cough> Anything you are thinking now is purely down to your own fetid imagination, nothing to do with me !!! :) :)
[Images of Driven Snow, gambolling Lambs and Fluffy White Clouds etc :)]
I don't see the problem with this: it doesn't actually say anything about being a "ladies tool kit" aside from the Amazon categorisation. It does have a connection to a breast cancer charity, but how is that gender-specific?
If someone wanted a pink toolkit, maybe just to differentiate it from others, then this is cool. It might stop all the dickhead "alpha" males stealing it...
I salute the link to the handyman's tool! Although I must say, at first glance I thought it was "The ultimate Ladies toolbox", i.e. combs, hand-pliers, brushes, staples... that kind of stuff you see women applying to their faces while sitting in the tube (well, a long steel can traveling underground in the once capital of the world, aka London). But then, the hammer-shape in the middle made me stop... think... lick my orange fingers...
a snack that makes no sound and leaves no crumbs or dust (cheese string??)
Not directly related to your comment, but anything they do are probably just going to be reinvent
or some other food/snacks already available on the market that make no sound and leave few crumbs.
Oh brilliant, just as the world decides rather than let women wear some more dignified outfits whilst advertising tat at sporting events they'll just ban them out right and replace them with kids, ignoring the fact that this is the ONE job in the world where women are guaranteed to be paid more than men.
Not liking having sticky hands after eating crisps is not a gender specific quality, nor is the amount of noise the food makes. EVERYONE is self-conscious if they are the only person in the room eating something noisy.
EVERYONE is self-conscious if they are the only person in the room eating something noisy.
I'm not. I really couldn't give a toss. Well, at funerals and weddings, my court appearances maybe.
Anyway, what the hell will this "uncrunchy crisp" be like? I presume something like a lettuce leaf with bleached Dorito flavourings sprayed on after being mixed with Copydex. So no crunch, no powdery bits no yellow fingers. I think I'll leave them to the ladies.
"Anyway, what the hell will this "uncrunchy crisp" be like?"
For decades food scientists - male and female - have been carefully and ingeniously engineering the physical sensation, as well as the sound, of eating crunchy foods, for the greatest satisfaction.
So now they just need to not do whatever they do to make the crunch e.g. leave out the brittleness enhancer or whatever.
"Munch," will go the uncrisps.
Or just take the regular kind and put them in your mouth for 5-10 seconds before chewing.
Or eat something healthy instead.
1. ...this is the boss of PepsiCo,... perhaps she is slightly more informed than your average <insert word>'tard on twitter or el reg preacher.
2. ...if women don't want to buy the crisps they won't. if men do want to buy the crisps they will, and the crisps will be rebranded for men. if nobody buys them they will make no money and be axed. the problem solves itself.
The problem with branding them as gender specific, or even specific to any group, is people outside of that group or do not want to associate with may not want to buy it causing loss of sales. If you're marketing something for old people, you've lost potential customers outside of your target market (even if they would find it easier) and people within it who wouldn't like to think themselves as old.
"flake adverts for women"
Oh, i dunno, the flake adverts i recall were definitely for hormonally challenged teenage boys. And men too.
Moving on, when in the company of attractive ladies i love to lick my fingers afterwards. Nothing like being appreciated is there. Mind you, anyone notice it's very difficult to get those same ladies to have a lick of your fingers?
Moving on again, i'll just mention that my SO doesn't mind me crunching food, at all. She does however draw the line at me showing other people what i'm chewing.
"I remember yorkie bar adverts for men, and flake adverts for women"
The Yorkie adverts were always tongue in cheek. The Flake adverts got blokes interested because they all fancied the blond in white dress sail languidly along in her row boat. Eating a Flake brought that image to a blokes mind.
@Earl Grey. Oh dear, OCD, it is only me then who opens the crisp packet fully via the seams so the inside of the bag becomes a flavour coated silver "plate". Getting the flavour then simply involves a slightly wet finger and no corners to lose flavour bombs in. Ah well wanders off muttering.....PP
"are you a delicate lady crisp nibbler or a dedicated man snack muncher? " got absolutely NO comments at all?
I'm a delicate lady nibbler. I would like to meet a "man snack muncher".
I hope she doesn't mind if I take my sweet time nibbling at her crisps, I certainly wouldn't mind her making lots of noise munching on my snack!
What a good thing we don't have to live through a time of mindlessly superficial stupidity and vacuously imbecilic marketing ... oh.
There's a line in Sherlock where Mycroft admits that being brilliant means that he feels as if he's living amongst goldfish.
I imagine Reg readers in particular must feel actual, physical pain listening to marketurds, politicians and corporate management-speak. We may not all be "brilliant" but we are suffering agonies through the Era Of Stupid. Not least because the internet has given goldfish a voice.
That doesn’t work though, does it? It wouldn’t even work if you said “Imagine you've got an IQ of 100 and everyone else is a 66” because the scale upon which the normal distribution is plotted isn’t linear.
This explains why there are so very many more muppets in the world than geniuses (if the scale were linear then there’d be very many more geniuses than there actually are).
Something like an edible Silly Putty smoked tofu and almond serviette (napkin) might almost have merit. Pull edible serviette from separate package glued to side of PepsiCo Crisps With Class. Primly roll over skin of hands to clean them of crisp dust. Ball up and toss into (almost) empty bag. Shake bag to absorb crumbs. Remove serviette from bag and pop into mouth for glorious last bite. Also sold separately in these exciting flavours...
Still noisy, but with the right marketing, that may even be the hook: Show boys how silly they are. Make a show of enjoying the crunch. All the fun of eating crisps without all the mess.
But what do I know? I'm just a software guy.
I think it`s a backward step, I assume they will be by implication smaller and less dense.
"Lady crisps" have reminded me of one of several tales from a nurse ex, that really should not be accessed prior to eating.
I am going to say minimally "chapped lips", and try to shut down the images her detailed description evoked.
I'm confused by the gender politics.
I'm curious about the new crisps, but I'm not a woman.
Should I not be, because I'm a man? Exactly what is the uniqueness that women have, that I do not share, that would guide them to choose one snack food over another?
It's likely that my view is flawed and simplistic, but I don't know how to learn unless I ask. How is this not sexist? I don't get it.
A study looking at deodorants long ago discovered that people don't buy unisex deodorant. Labelling it as for their sex makes people more willing to buy it, even if there is an identical product labelled as for the opposite sex and/or unisex.
I'm suspecting there is evidence that this may also apply to crisps. If you make 'crisps for women' then women will buy more crisps.
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