back to article Infamous Silicon Valley 'sex party' exactly as exciting as it sounds

This week, the tech world has been consumed with intrigue over the details of alleged "sex parties" hosted by Silicon Valley's power brokers. But as more details have emerged, what we all knew to be true has been slowly reasserting itself: nerds don't do sex nor drugs nor rock and/or roll. The salacious claims have been the …

  1. J. R. Hartley Silver badge

    Fast RAM

  2. NoneSuch
    Coffee/keyboard

    But... But... But...

    There's books that need selling...

  3. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    "if you're looking for a good time, give Silicon Valley a wide berth"

    And, apparently, if you're looking for quality products, do the same.

    1. Michael Thibault

      Re: "if you're looking for a good time, give Silicon Valley a wide berth"

      The wide berth, presumably, is for threesomes. Wouldn't want anyone falling on the floor.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Should not be reading these articles late on a Friday eve -

    I read the ad at the bottom as "Continuous lovecycle 2018"....

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

      Well, sign me up. I'll bring the bumblebee costumes.

  5. K Silver badge

    My understanding is..

    These parties are how modern drives were developed - Floppy -> Hard -> RAM -> Flash?

    1. Blofeld's Cat
      Coat

      Re: My understanding is..

      Followed by a RAID?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: My understanding is..

        I hear they can get a bit SCSI.

        1. Korev Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: My understanding is..

          You'd need Arnie along to terminate it properly...

          1. FrankAlphaXII Silver badge

            Re: My understanding is..

            He'll just yell at you to get to da choppa.

  6. harmjschoonhoven
    WTF?

    Sex?

    Those nerds were only fiddling with male and female connectors.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Sex?

      Reminds me of the old joke:

      A guy comes into a librariy and asks? Do you have the new bestseller: "The sexual exploits of the nerd?". The librarian after looking over her glasses Tommy Lee Jones style: "Science fiction and fantasy are on the second floor".

  7. Planetary Paul

    > Except no one seems to recall any drugs. Or sex, either.

    Yawn......

    1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      But did anyone think to check

      under the pile of coats in the second bedroom. Oh, wait California. Must have been some pot, at least.

  8. Mark 85 Silver badge
    Meh

    So... tech bros and investors not running amok then? Meh.....

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why?

    Can't I get invited. I could report first hand to ElReg!

    (Yes, I am local).

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Why?

      Well, we sent a liveried messenger boy out with your gilt-edged invitation, but he couldn't find Coward Towers.

  10. Spaller

    Not without an insulator!

    I live here. These people are boring. A university math club is more fun.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If only Mills & Boon did parties I bet they'd give this one a run for it's money.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      I hear that in the last few years Mills and Boon cover artists are now depicting the man (with strong arms) without his pajama top. Scandalous.

  12. jake Silver badge

    Definitely bullshit.

    I've been part of the tech world in Silly Con Valley since before it was called Silicon Valley. If you want Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll[0], everybody around here knows you have to head for Los Vegas[1]. Why do you think CES is held there?

    [0] Note that the phrase itself was invented in Croyden, UK, or thereabouts.

    [1] And that's not even in California, it's in Nevada.

    1. Elmer Phud Silver badge

      Re: Definitely bullshit.

      "Croyden, UK"

      Erm, no.

      Anyway, sounds like my kids had better parties as teenagers.

      (at least there was drugs)

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Definitely bullshit.

        Typo. Croydon. Mea culpa.

        Source: Ian Dury, interviewed by John Peel, probably 1979.

        1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

          Re: Definitely bullshit.

          And the film of the name about his life is well worth watching, if a little odd. The actor who played the Golem was amazingly good at portraying Ian Dury's condition.

          1. tiggity Silver badge

            Re: Definitely bullshit.

            Ian Dury was of course a total weed demon

        2. PhilipN Silver badge

          Re: Definitely bullshit.

          He gigged there but his remark was more likely satirical, based on Croydon - saff of Landon - being the most boring place on the planet.

          As any fule no ID was Essex which - how to explain to a non-Brit --- put it this way : If Essex wanted to secede from the UK the rest of the country would vote pro- Essexit with much greater alacrity than they did the other **exit. And the borders would be strengthened immediately to keep them there.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My own experience of silicon valley types suggests they don't do social stuff well. And there's reason to have similar doubts about the big money types, so a party involving nerdy venture capitalists it likely to be unexciting. It's networking rather than notworking.

    In a different situation, they might be pleasant enough to have around. For one thing, it sounds to be too big a crowd for anything to happen. How can you trust that many people not to talk about the drugs? It's the sort of thing related to Dunbar's Number and other similar measures, and I have a feeling that a sex-and-drugs party would have to be much smaller.

    It's the sort of number I experienced at school end-of-year discos (and that label dates me) which I found a bit intimidating. Drop down to the next level, around 20-30 people, and things could happen. (There seem to be three size-steps, Dunbar's Number fits with the middle one. and it's one of several explanations.)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      To be honest, the whole thing sounds rather like the sort of Christmas parties we have here (IT department of a large university). What you have is a fair age spread and the key thing is that past their thirties, most people have rather grown out of the idea of wild public sex, not least because whilst the spirit may be willing, the flesh takes somewhat longer. About the most you get is someone who is a bit loud because they may have had one or two beers too many, and that's about it.

      A similar thing likely extends to nerd society. Most of us are working with computers because we prefer working with these to working with people. Public sex and drugs is as much about discarding inhibitions and showing off as it is about the actual act or chemical, and nerds don't really do showing off very well, or not like that.

      So, the party will have been mostly about showing off tech, and talking to people. A fairly vast amount of fruit juice will have been consumed, quite a bit of caffeine and some alcohol but that'd be about it. There is also the possibility of quite a bit of sex occurring, but only behind closed and locked hotel room doors because nerds simply don't get this public thrill thing.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tesla is a thing, but no what they say

    What's funny is "teslas" are a real pill which contains a high dose of MDMA. But there is nothing enhanced about it, it's just a standard ecstasy pill containing a high quantity than normal. Trust these nutjobs to come out with it's some enhanced version only rich Californians get. Which is amusing, considering what I have heard of the drug and rave scene in Cali, it's pretty fucking dier in comparison to...ooo I don't know, anywhere else.

    https://pillreports.net/index.php?page=display_pill&id=34540

    Actually, the hammer home the point, Teslas have warnings out on them because the dosage is so high. A number of kids died in 2017 from "super strong pills" and, I don't know, but I would have a bet that Tesla's might have been involved.

    Still, these parties sound absolutely fucking wank. I don't know what it is about Americans, but they just seem to take the old practice of taking drugs and listening to repetitive music and turn it into some weird club you need to be a part of. You just don't hear of this shit in the UK (for example, Germany, France...countless other examples) where it's been blown up to some huge thing in this day and age. No, people go to a club, take some pill they bought off some geezer, talk cod shit for 6 hours dancing to music then go home. Yet here we are, talking about people taking made up drugs which are real drugs, but nooo they can't be just normal drugs because it's California. Fuck living there

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Tesla is a thing, but no what they say

      E causes many to have more of a sensual, rather than sexual, interest in the people around them anyway. It can result in solid wood for hours (and no feeling of urgency to do anything with it) or conversely it can render the member irrelevant - either is good.

      I'm not an expert on pharma-sex myself, but I believe my Grindr-using friends have a fair working knowledge.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Tesla is a thing, but no what they say

        You're mostly correct. Most people say they don't get the horn when high on E, I can do but that's not normal and really only if I was at home. When you're around people, like in a club or at a house party, pretty must the last thing on your mind is sex.

        I can't imagine an orgy or sex party with E. It would be really weird. I'd just be trying to find the speakers to put on some Techno. And funny, I hadn't even thought of that when writing. But you're right, who the fuck takes E in an orgy? For fuck sake they can't even get the drugs right with these bullshit lies

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Tesla is a thing, but no what they say

          Yeah, gurning and oral sex is definitely a no-no.

  15. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
    Coat

    Cuddle Puddle

    It even extended to heavy petting.

    Doing it with your iPhone doesn't count.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Cuddle Puddle

      Has that been added to this year's Profanasaurus as a euphemism for wet patch?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Cuddle Puddle

        The esteemed and well respected Profanasaurus has cuddle as rhyming slang for piss, from cuddle and kiss = piss. Therefore this is a piss puddle which is not an unusual sight at parties however I can't really see that at this one.

  16. Teiwaz Silver badge

    All night 'slapping' sessions

    What are you doing? Playing video games?

    One of the best parties I ever been to everyone was sitting around playing Goldeneye for almost 14 hours straight.

    Sex parties I've been to one or two too. It was all over within 10 to fifteen minutes.

    Pure value for money timewise - the Goldeneye 'slappers only' session was more intense, everyone found that entertaining for a lot longer than the sexy parties stayed sexy before returning to the lesser sins of alcohol and spousal abuse.

  17. Hans 1 Silver badge
    Meh

    At a party with so many, the drugs are usually taken up-stairs in a spare room, or round the back, out of view of the others ... you can see people going up and down stairs/to the back all evening/night. When it comes to sex, yes, it's official, girls into drugs, on average, have more sexual partners than girls that don't do drugs and also have sex more frequently, again, on average ....BTW, at parties with that many people, sex happens up stairs in another spare room ... you do not get to know this unless you pay attention and/or are into drugs also or a womanizer ... by the way, the nerdy gals that go to these parties are usually boring ... like, here we have a boring girl who wrote a book because somebody asked her for a kiss at a party ...

    Anybody else remember the Microsoft party in the bay area where they were too cheap to hire hookers and thought they could get away with inviting some students ?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      MS Party

      "Anybody else remember the Microsoft party in the bay area where they were too cheap to hire hookers and thought they could get away with inviting some students ?"

      I missed that one. Does that mean I was too cool or too nerdy to be invited? I'm so confused!

      (ETA: I just envisioned clippy showing up saying "it looks like you're trying to start an orgy... can I help?)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: MS Party

        Ain't no party like a Microsoft Party - S Club Windows 7

      2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Paris Hilton

        Re: MS Party

        @AC

        The Dancing Girls at the MS Games Developers Conference...

        https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/03/18/microsoft_gdc_sexy_schoolgirl_dancers/

        Paris - Did someone mention a "party"?

  18. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

    Electrical engineers have better parties...

    At the very least you can get your fuse blown

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Electrical engineers have better parties...

      And your shorts removed....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Electrical engineers have better parties...

        Surely any self-respecting EE party would have a DRC on the way in to ensure there were no shorts present..Anyway, the *big* problem for hardware engineers is the continual obsession with making things smaller and quicker!

        1. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge

          Re: Electrical engineers have better parties...

          Making your hardware smaller? Yeah, that's a problem. Better than the old CS guys floppy disks, but still.

          If you can remember the party, you didnt do it right

          1. Sanguma

            Re: Electrical engineers have better parties...

            It's not the floppies themselves that's the problem, it's mounting them!!!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Parts of the article sounds as if it was written by Pterry himself.

    The sex and drug parts.

  20. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    Bay Area Power Brokers

    Richard Nixon blew the lid off the mystique of the rich an powerful some time ago.

  21. OzBob

    Life imitating art

    So, a silicon valley party has as much sex and drugs as if the characters from the TV series "Silicon Valley" had organised it (Erlich Bachmany aside). Quelle surprise.

  22. John H Woods Silver badge

    Weird ...

    ... I can't get this out of my head now...

  23. StuntMisanthrope Bronze badge

    Must Try Harder Again

    Following on from the dressing up incident, I've decided that there's now nothing to aim for. If at the pinnacle, even the parties on hallowed turf are crap, then something must be going wrong. But then again if you believe any of that then, you haven't been invited. Its called Cake and yes, I've got an early start too.

    #copytofileorsomething

  24. ElReg!comments!Pierre Silver badge

    Quite clearly scandalous

    I've come by some of them silicon valley people. They routinely take FRUIT (at work, even). A non-negligible proportion JOG to work, while their less depraved colleagues exhibit an unnatural propension to use non-motorized BIKES. The white powder mentionned in the story was probably gluten-free, organically-grown, perhaps even fair-trade certified. One can only hope it was not some kind of quinoa derivative. This deviant, unnatural lifestyle is an insult to civilization and should defo be banned. What are we, animals ? I mean, one of the attendees even dressed up as a rabbit, confession of guilt if there ever was.

    1. ecofeco Silver badge

      Re: Quite clearly scandalous

      Well played. Well played.

  25. Nifty

    No one mentioned the robot pole dancers at this years CES yet?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I smell bull****

    "They allegedly took an "enhanced" version of ecstasy's main chemical component, MDMA, that was called – get this – Tesla"

    No, Tesla are a popular mould for E pills, shape or stamps on pills mean nothing of the contents.

    Also you can't get it up on md, you're most likely to just want to hug things anyway, which actually corroborates the story..

    A friend told me all of this.

  27. dan1980

    It seems that, with tech new always harping on the 'bro culture' angle, people are primed to believe these stories.

  28. tiggity Silver badge

    Draft the prez in

    I'm sure The Donald could have organised them a suitably debauched party, with puddles a plenty

  29. Name3

    The "Silicon Valley" TV series can't come up fast enough with shocking plot twists, the reality overshadows it ;)

  30. Santa from Exeter
    Pint

    RIP Ian

    To quote "nerds don't do sex nor drugs nor rock and/or roll."

    Must make me a Geek then :-)

    I find them Reasons to be

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIMNXogXnvE

    Oh and decent beer goes with most of the above.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But wait!

    But wait everyone! It doesn't matter what the facts are, or what really happened at the "party"! A woman was horribly abused and that means that all the women there were horribly abused and it was all rapey and bro and stuff and made a person writing an interpretation of someone's writing about a third-hand report of all the horrible abuse at the party, very, very uncomfortable and upset and offended and triggered and stuff! This is all very serious and all these horrible men must be sent to prison immediately because patriarchy! Boo!

    (Oh, and the large sum of money to be made from bullshitting.)

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