back to article UK.gov puts Suffolk 7-year-old's submarine design into production

The British government has put a seven-year-old boy's design for a submarine into production, saying the lad had "really thought about" his work. Apprentices from the Defence Science and Technology Lab (DSTL) took a submarine sketch sent to the government-owned lab by seven-year-old Jacob Bland, from Suffolk, which he said …

  1. deadlockvictim Silver badge

    Art World

    Well, the modern art world looks as if it has beaten the tech world to it. The former has been producing work that is not out of place in a primary/elementary schools for quite a while now.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Art World

      It seems that art education now is about "concept" rather than the practical skills to achieve the result. The people who actually do the work are lower paid skilled craft workers who rarely get any public recognition.

      The same was true in the past as well. Once a painter/sculptor had achieved fame they set up a studio where their actual work on a piece was often minimal. Their students/assistants did the bulk of it from possibly a rough sketch. The sculptor Donald de Lue was apprenticed at 12 - but was 40 before he could take credit for his work. He had been used to do the bodies in a studio where the famous owner was only good at doing faces - but who then took the credit for the whole piece.

      The awards in the cinema world often go to the owner of an SFX studio rather than their employees/contractors who actually do the creative work and implementation.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
        Windows

        Re: Art World

        The same was true in the past as well.

        Yeah, but at least one didn't have to put up with "Piss Christ" and similar work of arts being published in the "news".

        1. Insert sadsack pun here

          Re: Art World

          Piss Christ is 30 years old. I don’t think it’s particularly good but if you’re still banging on about it and think it’s representative of all contemporary art since then, you must be really angry. Quite pissed off, in fact.

          1. FatGerman

            Re: Art World

            He's cross because he didn't get credit for producing all that piss. The artist just took it.

            1. Munchausen's proxy
              Pint

              Re: Art World

              "He's cross because he didn't get credit for producing all that piss. The artist just took it."

              That's the crux of the matter, I think. You've nailed it.

          2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

            Re: Art World

            Piss Christ is 30 years old

            About time for a resurrection, then?

            Someone get the ball rolling. It's time for this thing to see the light of day.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Art World

        The same was true in the past as well. Once a painter/sculptor had achieved fame they set up a studio where their actual work on a piece was often minimal. Their students/assistants did the bulk of it from possibly a rough sketch. The sculptor Donald de Lue was apprenticed at 12 - but was 40 before he could take credit for his work. He had been used to do the bodies in a studio where the famous owner was only good at doing faces - but who then took the credit for the whole piece.

        Sure they didn't work for Dyson?

  2. DavCrav Silver badge

    I can tell them that for free

    "Its remit stretches from figuring out how many aircraft can be usefully kept on the flight deck of Britain's two new aircraft carriers (a process known as "spotting" jets and helicopters)"

    A: none, as they haven't been delivered yet.

    1. Roger Greenwood

      Re: I can tell them that for free

      A: all of them as we can't afford any more

      1. Korev Silver badge
        Black Helicopters

        Re: I can tell them that for free

        A: all of them as we can't afford any more

        Both of them?

        1. Mark 85 Silver badge

          Re: I can tell them that for free

          That's easy then... one airplane on the deck and one down below getting "maintenance".

    2. Chris G Silver badge

      Re: I can tell them that for free

      The term 'spotting' had me spluttering tea when I read it.

      " Binoculars No1!"

      "Yessir"

      " I've just spotted an aircraft carrier but I can't seem to spot any aircraft aboard her."

      "Nossir, they haven't inflated the dummies yet because it's windy and they keep blowing off the deck.

      They don't actually have any real ones yet Sir."

  3. LDS Silver badge
    Joke

    he said they could use for "sneaking and spying".

    "sneaking and spying" - this young lad has understood where we're going to....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: he said they could use for "sneaking and spying".

      "Sneaking" = roaming the sewer to get from house to house. "Spying" = popping up in the loo to gather as much sigint on the general populace as possible.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm just glad they are finding good uses for the 800m fund. I might send them a picture of a jet for our jet-less boats.

    1. Warm Braw Silver badge

      I wouldn't be surprised if someone hasn't had a wizard wheeze over at the MoD and is even now explaining how much more credible our battle fleet would be if only we could persuade our potential naval enemies to get into a bathtub with the First Sea Lord...

  5. choleric

    a meeellion

    "contracts for organic undersea weaponisation"

    I see what you did there. Needs a natty acronym though. What about Seagoing High Art and Research by Kids?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A whole generation of kids love submarines, thank to Octonauts.

    1. defiler Silver badge

      Creature report! creature report!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "A whole generation of kids love submarines, thank to Octonauts."

      An earlier generation was entralled by the first nuclear powered submarine USS Nautilus that crossed the Arctic ice under water. Kellogs cereal packets contained a plastic model of it. You added a pinch of baking powder and put it in a bowl/sink/bath full of water. It sank then eventually resurfaced as carbon dioxide was produced.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Here on the right hand side of the pond, when I were a lad I seem to vaguely recall a baking-powder-based sub free with corn flakes too. Not sure it was the Nautilus, but the details may come back to me shortly, given that Anything Can Happen In The Next Half Hour

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E06cNv55jTs (I had one of those too).

        1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
          Trollface

          OK, we'll standby for action then...

        2. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

          "Here on the right hand side of the pond, when I were a lad I seem to vaguely recall a baking-powder-based sub free with corn flakes too."

          I remember a baking powder powered deep sea diver. You put it in a quart pop bottle with lukewarm water and could make the diver ascend and descend by tightening or loosening the bottle top.

          "Anything Can Happen In The Next Half Hour

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E06cNv55jTs"

          Which leads to other gems. That's this weekend's Youtube viewing sorted out. Ta muchly!

          1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
            Headmaster

            Or if you're of a slightly practical nature and want something to make with the kids, there's always the classic cartesian diver project.

            Just needs a soda bottle, a pen lid and a bit of blu-tac or plasticine.

      2. graeme leggett
        Coat

        My generation was probably inspired by "Stingray"(repeats not original showing) and "Marine Boy".

        Mine's the one with the packet of Oxygum in the pocket.

        1. Mark York 3 Silver badge
          Facepalm

          You missed out Thunderbird 4.

    3. Craig 2

      "A whole generation of kids love submarines, thank to Octonauts."

      We've got a fishy situation!

      Always makes me snigger...

    4. MJI Silver badge

      Two series here

      1) Stingray, with Troy Tempest

      2) Voyage to the bottom of the sea, with Seaview and the Flying Sub

      Flying sub still works as well

      https://www.scifiairshow.com/flying-sub

    5. MrXavia

      Yup, My kids grew up with Octonauts and now my kids love The Deep

      The Deep is great, its made me want to learn to scuba dive and crew a boat!

  7. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    Toy sub

    Years ago I worked on an MoD submarine project and one of the ex-submariners on the project told me how he once tried to play a practical joke on his c/o by putting one of these into an envelope with a note saying "latest submarine design", sealed the envelope, stamped it Top Secret and then put it into an internal post envelope addressed to the Head of the Submarine Service in Whitehall. He was expecting his c/o to remove the package from the out tray (as they're always nosey and would never have let something out to such a senior officer without it going up through the chain of command). Needless to say, something happened, it wasn't intercepted and it was indeed delivered.

    Fortunately the top bod had a sense of humour and returned it with a note saying something like "Excellent innovation, design approved". But he sent it back via his chain of command. And as the top bod had found it funny, each subordinate down the chain then felt obliged to add a note showing that they too found it funny.

    A week or so later he got called into his c/o's office who said he couldn't give him a bollocking because the top bod had approved it, and the notes from those down the chain of command were simultaneously hilarious and cringeworthy as each tried to be more witty than the previous.

  8. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    Subby McSubface

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Joke

      Will that meme ever endy-McEndface?

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        never McNeverface!

  9. Huw D

    Reminds me of one in the town where I was born...

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Was the sky blue and the sea green?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      in the town where I was born...

      Reimnds me of a Scandinavian ferry with someone starting to sing and the entire restaurant joining in.

      I simply cannot imagine that happening with any of today's so-called hits.

  10. Tigra 07 Silver badge
    Facepalm

    How bad are the army budget cuts when a 7 year old's crayon drawing of a submarine is good enough to be designed and possibly produced?

    Well done Jacob.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I suspect the army's budget for submarines has always been pretty small...

      1. Korev Silver badge
        Coat

        That's HMS Astute of you

  11. Anonymous Coward
    1. Huw D

      Re: Cue Beatles

      My earlier comment was probably too sub-tle

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Cue Beatles

        At least it didn't sink.

  12. Tom 7 Silver badge

    And why not

    we have the brain of a 3 year old managing aircraft carriers.

  13. PNGuinn
    Joke

    Back Doors

    It's a real shame. The kid produced a workable design.

    Now that the grubbymint's techies have actually built one, it'll be bound to have a nice leaky back door installed somewhere.

    Th protect the children, natch.

    He should've sent the design to Mr Albert Kyeda, or whatever he calls himself these days. He'd get it to fly.

  14. ab-gam
    Facepalm

    Lighten up Francis....

    Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves... taking a Reg headline at face value.

    Enjoy this for what it is. What would normally be considered a faceless government agency has tickled a kid silly by taking his drawing and putting it to 'official' use as a design exercise for their interns. The kid is thrilled, and the interns had a fun challenge. Win/Win!

    1. Tikimon Silver badge

      Re: Lighten up Francis....

      Ohhh, we're digging it, and I'm happy for the kid. But ya gotta admit, it's too good an opportunity for humor to pass up!

      I hope someone makes the kid a remote-control version to take home!

    2. Tweetiepooh

      Re: Lighten up Francis....

      Absolutely and who knows if this now turns into a new efficient design that no one every thought of because it's just silly. OK at 7 the chances are the child just drew something but good things have come because someone who doesn't know it's impossible does the impossible.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thumbs up

    So glad to see the encouragement of youngsters to study STEM.

  16. Sceptic Tank
    Coat

    Verity Jackson with the new boat

    How on earth are they going to get a crew into that little boat?

    1. David Roberts Silver badge

      Re: Verity Jackson with the new boat

      Honey, I shrunk the crew?

    2. Toni the terrible

      Re: Verity Jackson with the new boat

      They will Downsize the crew (you know that Documentary due to come out soon called 'Downsizing')

  17. arctic_haze Silver badge

    UK.gov?

    Oh, it's only a 3D printout. I hoped they made it real size and Theresa May will test it on the first dive.

  18. Potemkine! Silver badge
  19. wolfetone Silver badge

    One wonders why submarines aren't yellow in the first place?

  20. Tigra 07 Silver badge
    Pint

    Soon to be followed by the new F18 Fighter Jet design from class 2B!

    This model is made of Play Doh and incorporates toothpicks for extra speed! WHOOSH!

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