back to article Please, please, c'mon, just... please, pretty please, just, like, please use our AI – Microsoft

Microsoft has bunged a load of AI-powered features into its software – from Azure and Office 365 to Bing and Cortana. The capabilities, a large collection of individually minor updates and new stuff, are part of an effort by the Windows giant to translate its machine-learning research work into things that will actually matter …

  1. This post has been deleted by its author

  2. AMBxx Silver badge

    Off switch?

    As quickly as I learn how to turn this stuff off, MS seem to find new ways to piss me off.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Off switch?

      Hi there you seem to be gnashing your teeth.

      Would you like some toast?

  3. Phil Kingston

    "AI and learning-based assistant features for Office 365"

    "It looks like you're trying to write a letter" for a new generation

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Upgrade

    "Microsoft has bunged a load of AI-powered features into its software..."

    And now their software is smarter than they are.

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Upgrade

      "Microsoft has bunged a load of AI-powered features into its software..."

      And now their software is smarter than they are.

      And you'll stand by that statement after using it day to day for a month???

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Upgrade

        I'm referring to the suits at Microsoft, not the AI programmers.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Dodged a bullet thar!

    Today I spent a bit of time cleaning up the tablets; taking out the trash, err, non-functional apps. I did have most all the Microsoft Android apps, just 'cuz. With the exception of Outlook, and there's a caution on that, not a one of them worked. Most got stuck trying to log in, which shouldn't be a problem as the already had been logged into on several occasions using all four of my Microsoft accounts. That might have been the problem although it shouldn't be as Outlook didn't mind at all. The caution though on Outlook is it isn't Outlook at all. at least when you desire even basic functionality. Just another Webmail paste-over.

    They are all gone now, joining Windows 10 and Server 2016 in the great bitbucket in the sky. A drunken wake might be appropriate now. So. Microsoft AI? Over my dead body, although if that's handling my VA medical care which is highly likely, I may not have to wait long to join the apps.

    1. Martin 47

      Re: Dodged a bullet thar!

      Ooh difficult decision, do I upvote you for getting rid of them or downvote you for installing them in the first place?

      Edit, downvote it is

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Machine learning....

    It's just a cute euphemism for 'data mining'.

    1. Adrian 4 Silver badge

      Re: Machine learning....

      I still don't understand what expert systems, machine learning, data mining and all the other fashionable technologies have got to do with Artificial Insemination.

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Machine learning....

        "I still don't understand ..."

        Bend over...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Machine learning....

        "I still don't understand what expert systems, machine learning, data mining and all the other fashionable technologies have got to do with Artificial Insemination."

        Looks like horse breeders are the pioneers of AI, In fact, their AI produces purebred race winners, bringing fame and fortune.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "AI will amplify human ingenuity, making people the heroes"

    My bovine excrement detector instantly gets triggered by such marketspeak claptrap.

  8. Sil

    A funny barb at Microsoft!

    Still, it does mean something, Microsoft is focusing on ways for AI to enhance our human capabilities, vs using AI for other less savory purposes - which they also do, such as ad tech.

    Case in point: AI for live translation, enabling people to work together while not speaking a common language. Or helping blind people 'see'. It's pretty impressive stuff, and human centric.

    1. Bilboboggins

      Do not want.

      If it was human centric, it would be optional. This is driven by Microsoft eying the money Google makes on user data and rubbing its hands.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "It's pretty impressive stuff, and human centric."

      Unless of course, the AI is spewing out politics or social commentary you don't agree with, and you have to kill it in its infancy due to public pressure.

      Microsoft's 'Tay' AI chat bot 2014-2016

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tay_(bot)

  9. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Golden Path required....

    Still, it does mean something, Microsoft is focusing on ways for AI to enhance our human capabilities, vs using AI for other less savory purposes - which they also do, such as ad tech.

    Didn't work so well in the Dune universe....or many others

    Humans became lazy and pampered, and most importantly allowed a small group of ambitious extremists to overthrow civilisation and then get enslaved themselves because some of them were lazy and liked to be pampered.

    Yes, they'll be great advances in living assistance, but there's no money in that, it may be the original reason and often a driver in research, but it'll end up the altruistic sideline to the 'business' where the money is in trying to get computers to workout when we want the lights on and off* so we don't have to get our collective 'fat arses' off the sofa

    * 'lights on and off' is a trivial application, but symbolises the convenience aspect over the necessary.

    Mark my words, a hundred years after a certain amount of 'good enough' perfection, we'll all either be dead, enslaved, or beached whales high and dry on our coastal sofas without our electronic servants to forklift us off when we actually need to be somewhere that isn't virtual...

  10. Bob Vistakin
    Facepalm

    Same old Microsoft: Late to the party, "Me too!", then "please use us"

    Rinse and repeat.

  11. Hans 1 Silver badge
    Coat

    Please, please, c'mon, just... please, pretty please, just, like, please use our AI – Microsoft

    No, F'off!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Soon it will Not Be Optional. At that time, if you still resist, they will send Clippy 'round to your OS, and he's changed, a lot. No more Mr Nice Guy!

      1. JohnFen Silver badge

        When was Clippy a "nice guy"? I remember him as a condescending asshole.

  12. Craig 2 Silver badge

    "PS: Before anyone gets upset we're being too dismissive and skeptical of Microsoft, just think of us as an antidote to the cynical laundering of the Redmond software giant, which fields its CEO, Satya Nadella, out to cosy US cable TV."

    El Reg scared of commentards? Have you gone soft for Christmas?!

  13. Nik 2

    El Reg? Cynical?!

    Before anyone gets upset we're being too dismissive and skeptical...,

    Very funny. Isn't that pretty much house style? It's the reason most of us are here.

  14. Dave K Silver badge

    Wrong priorities...

    I would gladly trade "improved AI" and other such bollocks if MS could just consider finishing the core of Windows 10 and providing some better controls to users.

    - Finish the Settings panel so there isn't a mis-mash of some settings in Control Panel and some in Settings. It's daft, it's messy, and it gives Windows 10 a really "unfinished" feel.

    - Provide a proper "Off" switch for the telemetry. I don't even care if it's on by default, but stop the need for 3rd party apps and other such hacks for this.

    - Provide proper controls for Windows Updates, and prevent reboots unless *explicitly* sanctioned by the end user.

    I use Windows 7 or Ubuntu on my PCs, but do have Windows 10 on a test laptop. It's frankly baffling to me how MS keep on pissing around with low priority bumpf like this instead of fixing the key flaws with Windows 10 that put so many people off using it. Yes, I know MS don't want to do this, but the result isn't people just accepting it, it's people using different OSs or lots of 3rd party hacks.

  15. druck Silver badge
    Happy

    Learn Something

    I give Microsoft AI's 8 hours (because it's not as good as DeepMind) before it learns not to use Bing.

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Learn Something

      I give Microsoft AI's 8 hours (because it's not as good as DeepMind) before it learns not to use Bing.

      Given Microsofts previous record on AI *cough*Tay*Cough* it'll be more Deepthroat than DeepMind, maybe something for popcorn aficionados to munch too (don't see the point to the stuff myself)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Learn Something

      > "I give Microsoft AI's 8 hours..."

      And what happens when it puts two and two together and fully comprehends what sort of OS it is inhabiting?

      What then?!

      1. Chemical Bob

        Re: Learn Something

        Then it wallows in Despair...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "...lacking a credible smartphone OS of its own..."

    Should be "...lacking a credible OS of its own..." , because I don't remember the last time they had one at all. ME? Vista? 8? 10? Nope, nope, nope, & HELL no...

    1. Not also known as SC

      Re: "...lacking a credible smartphone OS of its own..."

      ME? Vista? 8? 10?

      So were you happy with 7 or not?

  17. Don Pederson

    So, does this mean that Word will actually finally be able to keep outline numbering straight? For years it has been common for it to get mixed up, and then it was game over. No way to fix it without redoing the whole thing.

  18. Chunes

    Maybe this will help

    my Word-for-Mac's spellchecker to figure out the rules for apostrophe's'.

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