back to article Microsoft to rebuild Redmond campus, including cricket pitch

Apple built a spaceship, Amazon's tendered for a town and now Microsoft's announced a “multi-year campus refresh project” that will see it splash US$150m to renovate 6.7 million square feet of its offices, add eight new buildings and lay a cricket pitch. The money will be poured into the company's Redmond campus, which will …

  1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    Gatesland?

    Should that be "Gatesgatesland"? I mean, in keeping with Watergategate and all that...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Gatesland?

      Hatesland?

      1. Chemical Bob

        Re: Hatesland?

        Nah, that name is more appropriate for every Trump property.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Gatesland?

      "Cricket"

      Wow, and I thought Americans only played Rounders and HandEgg!

      1. Adam 52 Silver badge

        Re: Gatesland?

        According to the India Times, 34% of Microsoft's employees are Indian. Dunno how many of those are in Redmond. I hope it isn't a CEO vanity project, that would be really sad.

        1. bombastic bob Silver badge
          Devil

          Re: Gatesland?

          "I hope it isn't a CEO vanity project, that would be really sad."

          Most likely it IS.

          I think that they should be hiring TEST ENGINEERS instead, to deal with NOT having the end-users as their beta testers.

          And now, MY top 10 list of new names for the 'Redmond Campus':

          10. Nutsy-Cuckoo-land

          9. 'Hallowed Halls of Redmond' (I use that a lot anyway)

          8. Spyware Heights

          7. "The Store"

          6. Adware Haven

          5. Flatso Metro

          4. BSOD

          3. Lost Wages (due to various forms of outsourcing and hiring n00bs)

          2. Snarf-ville

          and the number 1 new name for the Redmond Campus is...

          "You can't pronounce it, because it's that stupid sideways ASCII-smiley emoticon you often see emblazened in the middle of your flat-looking screen"

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Gatesland?

            big +1 for number 10!

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Gatesland?

          According to the India Times, 34% of Microsoft's employees are Indian.

          Including by heritage the cricket-obsessed CEO, of course. But why don't Microsoft stop dicking around, and move the company HQ to Bangalore? Lower land costs, lower construction costs for the new mothership building, no more visa problems, as much cricket as they can get, low cost employees as far as the eye can see. Hell, even Indian director salaries are cheaper....oh. hold on, maybe Nutella isn't going to want that bit.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Gatesland?

            Does anybody know of any instance where offshoring development / services to India has gone well? Defined as service levels maintained and costs havent spiralled? Sure costs are superficially reduced to briefly, but staff-turnover and lack of investment in skills and kit always have the same (bad) result...

        3. FIA

          Re: Gatesland?

          I hope it isn't a CEO vanity project, that would be really sad.

          In the grand scheme of CEO vanity stuff this would be fairly small though. A few stumps and a 'slightly differently mown rectangle' can't cost that much?

          Oh, I suppose you'd need an AUTOEXEC.BAT to hit the ball with too.

          <Applauds politely for no obvious reason>

      2. Stork Bronze badge

        Re: Gatesland?

        Basketball? Heard of that ;-)

        1. phuzz Silver badge

          Re: Gatesland?

          You're right, hand-egg, rounders and netball.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Gatesland?

          "Basketball? Heard of that ;-)"

          But he said by Americans, not by African Americans! ;-)

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @AC Re: Gatesland?

        "Cricket"

        Wow, and I thought Americans only played Rounders and HandEgg!

        We do. So what does that tell you?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @AC Gatesland?

          "We do. So what does that tell you?"

          That the Indians are trying to teach you the civilised habits that they picked up from the British?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder how many Windows licenses paid for that.

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Well, all of them obviously, but it does raise a good question, how many copies of Windows has Microsoft sold?

      1. Mark 85 Silver badge

        Well, all of them obviously, but it does raise a good question, how many copies of Windows has Microsoft sold?

        Probably, officially "none" since you pay for the license and not the software. Which may explain why we're "users" and not "customers".

  3. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    How about "flat latte"

    in honour of modern monochrome iconography and fashionistically re-inventing "late"?

    1. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

      Re: How about "flat latte"

      See "placébook" video, obviously.

    2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: How about "flat latte"

      Roads and curbs should be painted the same colour so <del>you can't tell where they meet</del> they look nice.

  4. Notas Badoff

    Street name

    "Pride Circle" - where the garbage trucks pick up

  5. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    TWATIHKAL

    The Windows Aero Trademark I Have Known And Loved.

    (best not mention TIFKAM)

  6. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    I know this ...

    It's Unix! (done badly)

  7. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

    Cheaper

    Issue everyone with a hololens and make the whole thing virtual

    1. Teiwaz Silver badge

      Re: Cheaper

      Cheaper

      Issue everyone with a hololens and make the whole thing virtual

      You've just reminded me of the Intro to Syndicate Wars...

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGvIrf86g4Y

      ...scary...

  8. Lysenko

    Less snark about Clippy...

    Depressingly, history has proven MSFT prescient in that respect. Every second website I visit these days seems to have some annoying chatbot popping up in the bottom right corner, obscuring content and generally getting in the way. I would suggest "Bobville" or "Roverland", but with the current fetish for AI and AR, they're probably going to prove similarly far-sighted.

  9. jr424242

    Street names: C: drive, D: drive, etc..

    ha ha

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. caffeine addict Silver badge

      Re: Street names: C: drive, D: drive, etc..

      There will be no A Drive or B Drive, and no-one under the age of 30 will know why.

  10. Captain DaFt

    Given Microsoft's usual naming style

    Shouldn't it be "Windows Office Park One"?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Given Microsoft's usual naming style

      Not if they want it to be open all year round.

  11. Teiwaz Silver badge
    Coat

    Dollywood?

    'cause of all the t*ts running around....*

    * idiot 't*ts', not anything about totally IT capable persons of the female gender, whom I respect, yada yada....all persons in this non-image are over eighteen, cross fingers, sign of the cross, lucky clover, don't mention the scottish play etc.

  12. Teiwaz Silver badge

    A Cricket pitch?

    Seriously?

    Maybe not a great idea to make the CEO too comfortable, he'll be never leaving and keeping his urine in jars before you know it...

    1. LDS Silver badge

      Re: A Cricket pitch?

      When your CEO is obsessed with silly things, and enforce them upon the company with company money, it's tome to show him or her the door...

      1. Teiwaz Silver badge

        Re: A Cricket pitch?

        When your CEO is obsessed with silly things, and enforce them upon the company with company money, it's tome to show him or her the door...

        Or the Window[s].....

      2. Wensleydale Cheese
        Unhappy

        Re: A Cricket pitch?

        "When your CEO is obsessed with silly things, and enforce them upon the company with company money, it's tome to show him or her the door..."

        It probably happened to MS a long time ago, but when management starts planning a shiny new HQ, they start concentrating on getting the best offices instead of doing the job they are paid to do.

        1. Steve Foster
          Happy

          @Wensleydale Cheese

          You say that like it's a bad thing...

          (as we all know, management are most useful [to us] when distracted by comtemplation of something new, or a grand project, or similar)

      3. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: A Cricket pitch?

        Silly things I'll grant you, but cricket! silly? Wind your neck in!

        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: A Cricket pitch?

          Pity it wasn't Blamer - I wonder what a chair-putt track looks like

    2. EddieD

      Re: A Cricket pitch?

      In the offseason, it can be used for Australian rules football - which makes American rules football look entirely sane..

      And besides, being british, I think a cricket pitch is always a good idea, and I'm vaguely pleased with the idea that the open spaces on the campus are as important as the buildings.

      And there isn't a UFO in sight/on site.

    3. Chemical Bob

      Re: A Cricket pitch?

      "keeping his urine in jars"

      Doesn't *everyone*?

    4. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. getHandle

    Softy McSoftface?

    Sorry, someone had to...

  14. jake Silver badge

    Who the hell really cares?

    It'll always be called "Redmond", regardless.

    And yes, you snarky lot, many of us Yanks appreciate and play Cricket.

    1. EddieD

      Re: Who the hell really cares?

      And besides, when folk query how long a baseball game can take you can point out that a test match is four days...

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

        1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          Re: Who the hell really cares?

          They've sadly changed the rules so that many mens test matches will be played over four days in future.

          My understanding is the Ashes will remain five days long though - it will depend on the particular series.

        2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          Re: Who the hell really cares?

          I did that his summer, it was great. Sitting in the sun, beer in hand, TMS in my ear talking about pigeons or cakes, cricket below. And an England win.

          Wonderful.

        3. EddieD

          Re: Who the hell really cares?

          I was actually quoting Angus Deayton - I haven't watched a cricket match since I used to sneak out of school to watch one day internationals at Trent Bridge...

          But whether four or five days isn't really relevant...it's a looooooooooooooooooong time....

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. David Woodhead

      Re: Who the hell really cares?

      @Who the hell really cares?

      It'll always be called "Redmond", regardless.

      And yes, you snarky lot, many of us Yanks appreciate and play Cricket.

      Well, for values of 'many' between 0% and 1% ...

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Who the hell really cares?

        That's still ~3 million people. Granted, with our population density well under 10% of that of England, it's a trifle harder to get a pick-up game going ...

  15. Charlie Clark Silver badge

    Eden Gardens?

    All of a sudden the idea of the company having a cricket pitch makes them sympathetic again. Cricket has a long and illustrious history from which to draw inspiration.

  16. Sceptic Tank
    Windows

    It's just not cricket

    There should be a road called %path%. And the car-free campus will simulate the situation with any hardware that is more than 18 months old: you cannot find any drivers. Perhaps a horticultural enclosure called the UWP walled garden.

  17. ukgnome

    A Cricket pitch you say

    How very civilised

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Spiritual Home of Innovative Technical Enterprise

    1. MonkeyNuts.Com

      Advanced Research Street East 2 West Intersection Public Eventspace

  19. CodeBlaster

    Campus name

    What about "The Shellter"?

  20. CodeBlaster

    Campus name #2

    They could install a big slide and call it the Shellter Skelter...

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Name

    Campus McCampusFace surely

  22. Nimby
    Pint

    Microsoft Bob

    I can't believe that no one has recommended they rename their campus to Microsoft Bob. How is this not a poll option?

    Personally, I'd like to go to their campus to grab a pastrami sandwich at the Control-Alt-Deli and then catch a show at the Blue Screen theater. Afterward I could down a few brews at the Ribbon Bar where things only start to make sense under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol.

    ...And then wake up from the nightmare that is Microsoft and go ~.

  23. eswan

    The Campus Formerly Known As Metro

  24. Nolveys Silver badge

    Suggestions,

    Move all of the buildings around and cover them up with big, colourful rectangles so that no one can find anything.

    Since just knowing where things are is the old way of doing things, microphones and speakers will be placed everywhere. To find a place one simply asks. The speakers will respond with a friendly AI assistant who will direct you to specific products for purchase based on that confidential conversation you had with your lawyer the other day.

    That brings us to surveillance. Surveillance, surveillance, surveillance. There should be no place that is not covered by video cameras. For example, bathroom stalls shall have at least 6 cameras, one for each wall, one on the ceiling, and the "bottoms up" view.

    With the new total surveillance system comes targeted advertising. Going back to our bathroom stall example, a large and colourful screen would be placed on the door to show targeted ads. One such ad could consist of our beloved character "Clippy" exclaiming "It looks like you are dealing with prostate cancer..."

  25. Daedalus Silver badge
    Pint

    You think the cricket pitch is weird?

    There are two baseball - well, probably softball - infields with no outfield to speak of, unless you count the tennis courts across the path from the right hand infield. So keep that ball down, guys.

    The "brown" cricket track is probably an all-weather surface of some kind. That's pretty common for dedicated cricket grounds here in the USA. We have one locally that was mandated by the person who donated the parkland to the city. Apparently he/she loved cricket. It's a big area with baseball diamonds at the corners and the cricket track in the middle. Well, the local West Indian population loves it.

    Mine's a Red Stripe, mon.

  26. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Hall of the Things.

    Failing that, Hall of the Brumalmarc.

  27. x 7

    It should be named Sinofsky's End

    - after the prat who destroyed Windows with his Win8 nightmare

    Its been downhill ever since

    1. Nimby

      Its been downhill ever since (Win8)

      If you think that Windows 8 was where Microsoft went wrong with Windows, might I point out the definitive failures Windows Vista and Windows ME?

      It's been a fairly standard practice that every other version of Windows should be avoided. The jury is out on how to count 95 vs 95a vs 95b, 98 vs 98SE, and 8 vs 8.1 and how Service Packs should be counted. The jury is also still out on whether 10 fits the rule or not. (And this is only counting the desktop consumer line.)

      Long story short is that approximately half of Microsoft's releases of Windows are so ridden with bugs that you almost forget about all of the features cut from the releases and leave you waiting for the next Windows version to replace it with something that actually works. So really, MS is still pretty much par for their course.

  28. FreddDagg01
    Joke

    So that would be the ...

    The MCG ... but there's one of those already in Yarra Park. Better try the MSCG?

  29. returnmyjedi

    What a waste of turf

    They could just install a handful of 486 PCs in the canteen and play Graham Gooch's cricket. Just don't tell Nadella about bowling the ball at that rogue white pixel slightly wide of the leg stump (gets the batter out every time).

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Redmond 2.0

    Microsoft's rebuilding its headquarters. What should it call the refreshed campus?

    Lala land

  31. tempemeaty

    Better Idea for Redmond...

    ... spend the US$150m on building a new more modern OS instead. Apple did it. Microsoft wants to be like Apple right?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Better Idea for Redmond...

      "spend the US$150m on building a new more modern OS instead. Apple did it."

      My idea of "more modern" is not password free authentication as root....

      Windows 10 works just fine and is relatively fast, secure and stable. If you don't like the default interface then there are others to chose from that also work just fine.

  32. Nimby
    Devil

    Hotel (North of) California

    You can opt-out any time you like, but you can never leave!

  33. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    Snooping Alley

    A paradise for curtain twitchers

  34. DukeboxDurie

    Loved every visit to Redmond. Cool place, good time. MSFT FTW

  35. Wiltshire
    WTF?

    In related news, Digital Research has built a better campus.

    But nobody knows where it is or how to find it.

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