back to article Lock them up and throw away the (don)key

Eight donkeys were released from an Indian jail yesterday after the law proved itself to be, well, an ass, and imprisoned them for eating the prison officers' plants. The jail in Urai, Uttar Pradesh, freed the beasts of burden after four days due to an unnamed local politician paying their bail on the owner's behalf. The …

  1. breakfast
    Go

    "... until finally the politician let my ass go" is apparently a standard international conclusion to tales of political engagement.

  2. David Nash Silver badge

    Imprisoned?

    So it's not so much that the animals were imprisoned to punish them, as the article would like us to believe, more that they were confiscated because the owner let them roam and eat the plants in question.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

      1. Semtex451 Silver badge

        Re: Imprisoned?

        After 4 days they're all expert at lock picking now

        1. Martin Summers Silver badge

          Re: Imprisoned?

          "After 4 days they're all expert at lock picking now"

          Yes if they get imprisoned again they can take part in the great 'Ass'cape

      2. Steve K Silver badge

        Re: Imprisoned?

        Maybe they were drug mules?

        1. AndrueC Silver badge
          Joke

          Re: Imprisoned?

          They'd better hoof it quickly.

  3. macjules Silver badge
    Coat

    Nice to see they allow donkeys to roam free in prisons in India. In the UK we generally just put the ass in change of prisons. If it is very good at that then we make it Foreign Secretary.

  4. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Hee haw!

  5. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    "Bother" said Pooh as Eeyore made an ass of himself. (itself?)

    Come to think of it, what is Eeyore's gender?

    1. monty75

      Male. As described by A A Milne : " The Old Grey Donkey, Eeyore, stood by himself in a thistly corner of the forest, his front feet well apart, his head on one side, and thought about things."

    2. Eddy Ito Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Like Pooh and Piglet it is difficult to discern gender due to their androgynous names and style of dress. The fact that they go about without pants and the gender question is still unresolved leaves one to assume that something happened, possibly a horrible accident, at the sewing plant prior to them being stuffed. Having said that, it may be a sensitive issue so perhaps it's a topic best avoided when in their company.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Trollface

        The fact that they go about without pants and the gender question is still unresolved leaves one to assume that something happened, possibly a horrible accident, at the sewing plant prior to them being stuffed.

        Do I take that your cuddly toys had representative genitalia? Obviously a rather different childhood to mine!

        1. MJI Silver badge

          So not a tickle me Elmo then?

          A woman gets a job in the Tickle me Elmo factory on the end of the line doing QC.

          Later that day there is a huge backlog. The supervisor checks on here.

          Small square of fabric, 2 marbles, sewn onto the crotch of each Elmo.

          "I said two test tickles not........."

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: So not a tickle me Elmo then?

            oldie, but a goodie.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Expensive Plants in Prison

    "very expensive plants which our senior officer had arranged for planting inside the jail."

    Er, yes, er OK. What kind of expensive plants does one grow in a prison?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Expensive Plants in Prison

      Mary Jane?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Okay, let's get it over with......

    1. The law is an ass.

    2. The (beast of) burden of proof was with the police.

    3. They are gonna 'bray' their debt to society.

    and so forth.....

    1. Mark York 3 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Okay, let's get it over with......

      Donkey Chokey.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If the plants were inside the prison how did the donkeys get in to eat them?

    I'm sure this conspiracy will eventually unfoal.

    1. Paul Westerman

      Easy

      They burro'd the key

  9. Bob Wheeler
    Joke

    These damn donkey's

    It starts with them eating some plants, then they go after your women.

    Something must be done about them...........

    1. Commswonk Silver badge

      Re: These damn donkey's

      Something must be done about them...........

      Let's deal with the rogue apostrophes first.

  10. Jim Mitchell
    Coat

    Plants? I read it as "the officer's pants", initially.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Is it already the silly season?

    Let me guess.

    One of the donkeys was carrying a pregnant virgin, so off her head on expensive plants (and traumatised by that Droit du Seigneur night) that she saw visions and heard voices.

    Does an Indian prison make for a stable home?

  12. Scroticus Canis
    Holmes

    Speciesist profiling and discrimination of the worst kind.

    This only happened because they were donkeys, if some cows did it they would have been given desert as well!

    1. Anonymous IV
      Headmaster

      Re: Speciesist profiling and discrimination of the worst kind.

      >...if some cows did it they would have been given desert as well!

      Gobi, no doubt...

  13. Florida1920
    Coat

    If I had to be locked up

    I'd want to be in a jail where the guards can't even protect their plants from stray donkeys.

    Don't bother checking it, I'll be right out.

  14. Montreal Sean

    Did they serve their time

    providing phone support for some tech company?

    I'm pretty sure I spoke to one of them the other day...

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Did they serve their time

      "Good morning, my name is Eyore. I'm calling from Microsoft to say that we have detected that you have a virus on your computer."

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