back to article The Reg parts ways with imagineer and thought pathfinder Steve Bong

The Register has severed ties with columnist and Shoreditch entrepreneur Mr Steve Bong MBE after Mr Bong admitted to having a close working relationship with the Kremlin this week, in a piece titled Yes, I took Putin's roubles to undermine Western democracy. This is my story Mr Bong rose to prominence after The Register …

  1. frank ly Silver badge

    Certainty?

    Are you sure it was the Kremlin. Identity is a tricky thing nowadays.

    1. Old Coot

      Re: Certainty?

      You have to leverage the uncertainty. Since nobody can prove otherwise, put it on whomever you (don't) like.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Certainty?

      Traditional way of checking was to see if kremvax was in the routing info

    3. David Kelly 2

      Re: Certainty?

      The Martians are very skilled at making their actions appear as if the Russians did it

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: Certainty?

        The Martians are very skilled at making their actions appear as if the Russians did it

        Part of they way they learned to blend in was by distilling vodka from the potatoes which humans left behind on Mars.

        1. Chris King Silver badge

          Re: Certainty?

          "Part of they way they learned to blend in was by distilling vodka from the potatoes which humans left behind on Mars".

          So you're saying AManFromMars has been sampling too much of the potato vodka then ?

  2. Hollerithevo Silver badge

    Mr Bong

    Sir you have been a towering inspiration to all who would succeed in the dizzying new world of future digital. I hope to have the honour and pleasure of meeting you in (a) Brasil (b) a small but heavily guarded Kazakhstan prison, when I visit as part of a fact-finding mission (c) an exo-planet, should I follow my compatriot Chris Hadfield into space.

    You have enlightened us and shown us the way I salute you!

  3. SVV Silver badge

    Kremlin

    "Mr Bong admitted to having a close working relationship with the Kremlin this week, in a piece titled Yes, I took Putin's roubles to undermine Western democracy. This is my story"

    Fake News!

    An article with that title doesn't prove that Russia had any involvement! Those 26 meetings with Russian officials were just friendly chts amongst fellow vodka officionados...

  4. lafnlab
    Mushroom

    Good riddance

    Good riddance to the shite-addled techno hipster.

  5. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Fake News

    All in good fun, but that is how it starts.

    One can still be pretentious while also being ironic

  6. Rupert Fiennes Bronze badge

    You idiots!

    Do you run anything past Human Remains? You start out saying Bong's position is under review and by the end of the article say he's fired, all the while posting under his name. I'm sure he's a freelancer, but even this is a bit much. Expect a writ from Moscow, probably with some sexual harassment allegations thrown in for good measure :-(

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: You idiots!

      Expect a writ from Moscow, probably with some sexual harassment allegations thrown in for good measure :-(

      That... May... Be... A very interesting organizational structure of the Human Remains department...

      1. Rich 11 Silver badge

        Re: You idiots!

        That... May... Be... A very interesting organizational structure of the Human Remains department...

        They developed it for the White House originally.

  7. Alister Silver badge

    America doesn't have a functional extradition treaty with the UK - well not in the USA ->> UK direction, anyway, maybe My Lord Bong could interestify Donald into imagineering a whole new paradigm?

  8. AlexGreyhead
    Paris Hilton

    Whutnow...?!

    I am so confused right now... What is going on? Did I mix up my Berocca and ketamine again...?

    Paris, because I think I know how she must feel a lot of the time...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Whutnow...?!

      so was he really terminated, is he writing his own termination for his laughs, or is it about something else entirely? Trouble with taking a piss is that you never know where it stops, and where serious business begins.

      p.s. was it about taste, or did you get a call? (not from apple, from an office in London?)

  9. Pete4000uk

    Not sure

    If serious or not??

    1. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Not sure

      Deadly serious.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Not sure

        There's probably an order been placed for some Polonium already.

  10. A. Coatsworth
    Paris Hilton

    The barrage of Fake News we are subject to every day has dulled my capacity of differentiating fact from fiction.... I don't know what to make of this article... are we losing Bong's articles for real? is it part of the normal column's humor?

    Poe's law has overwhelmed me

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shouldn't you guys call this departure the "Bexit"?

    1. Gvork

      Brexit?

      Bongxit surely

      1. m0rt Silver badge

        Re: Brexit?

        ITYF Bongit.

    2. Chemical Bob
      Coat

      Bong-Go. He was drummed out...

  12. Alistair Silver badge
    Windows

    Venture Capitalist going on a venture?

    Perhaps, now that the other fella has been retrieved from the deepest woods of PNG, Bong should seek him out and set up a new gig, hooking deep forest dwelling tribal cultures with 5G based, ad supported, solar powered, fully recyclable green 'portotablets' in order to monetize this unique set of cultures and accelerate acceptance of alternative cultural diets in the modern world.

    Either that or Steve just needs a long vacation in the specialty resort on the south western edge of Cuba.

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: Venture Capitalist going on a venture?

      Sawadee, Alistair,

      Has I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! called on Steve Bong to Perform? Now would that be TV Gold surely certainly. :-)

      Although Somewhere/Anywhere/Everywhere Hot Jungly and Sticky Sweet/Erotic and Exotic can So Beautifully and Easily Ascend and Transcend into the Prime Pornographic. :-) An Addictive Field for the Practising of XSSXXXXual Excellence for Heavenly Satisfaction in Immaculate Reward.

      You might to consider why anyone/anything would wish to leave that NEUKlearer HyperRadioProACTive Program and Super Nova Domain Application?

      1. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

        Re: Terrifying

        When I first came across amanfromMars I found it difficult to read. After a few posts I could spot the travesty generator's style in the first sentence and move on to the next comment. TheU+1F426Register now has a significant number of commentards producing output less sane than a travesty generator while still passing a Turing test. I can now read amanfromMars straight through without pausing. The most obvious reason for this is I have got used to the style from the plentiful supply of new commentards who exemplify Poe's law. The more scary possibility is that amanfromMars is improving. Perhaps the age of machine learning really has arrived and that the machines are learning from travesty generators.

        1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

          Terrific, and Moving Surely and Steadily Delivers Stealth to Anonymous Parties and Unknown Elements

          The most obvious reason for this is I have got used to the style from the plentiful supply of new commentards who exemplify Poe's law. The more scary possibility is that amanfromMars is improving. .... Flocke Kroes

          You might like to explore the notion you/we are Joint AIVenturing, Flocke Kroes, and you are also much improved.

          Such is an inalienable right that exercises intelligence, whilst also perversely exasperating and exposing in earlier conceived and perceived secure and secret intelligence services, systemic vulnerabilities for exhausting and expansive 0day exploitation ...... Dark Web and Rigged Market Trading.

          You know, vulnerable systems business like its always been with proprietary information insider trading creating explosive bubble machines which implode on the escape of alternative truths which are able and/or enabled to paint an altogether quite different surreal picture for presentation ........ Globalised Knowledge.

          1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

            Dead Skunk Works* .... Stinking to High Heaven

            ....systemic vulnerabilities for exhausting and expansive 0day exploitation ...... Dark Web and Rigged Market Trading.

            You know, vulnerable systems business like its always been with proprietary information insider trading creating explosive bubble machines which implode on the escape of alternative truths which are able and/or enabled to paint an altogether quite different surreal picture for presentation ........ Globalised Knowledge.

            Wake up to the sub-prime bullshit you're being peddled and all for the greater good of a very select few, and that's the real bad, for you don't have any part in their pictures .....

            He doesn't think that the elements within the intelligence community which are promoting the Russiagate allegations can possibly be so stupid as to actually believe what they are saying. He claims that they know that what they are saying is false, because if it weren’t false, then they could provide, to the public, evidence that it is true, and do it without violating anyone’s rights, nor revealing any legitimate US national-security information.

            Basically, he is saying that the keepers of the keys are blocking the public from the truth, because they know that the truth will expose the fact that they’ve been lying to the public, all along. ....http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-11-19/top-nsa-whistleblower-claims-russiagate-fake-increase-war-spending

            Why do you and the likes of a Maybot accept all that sub-prime bullshit as if true? Are you so easily programmed to believe and not question more?

            Too damned right you are. And it aint difficult with IT and media riding shotgun by your side.

            Aint that all right, El Reg. Words Create, Command and Control and Collapse Worlds with Pictures Presenting the Virtual Reality.

            * More DARPA/IARPA than Lockheed Martin ..... https://www.lockheedmartin.com/us/aeronautics/skunkworks.html

            :-) ...Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road

  13. Admiral Grace Hopper

    Technology Trebuchet

    Bong finally flung. Sad, but disruption catches up with everyone in the end, even the old disruptors.

  14. ukgnome Silver badge

    Goodbye Comrade Bong - if that is your real name.

  15. Am I really doing this?

    Thanks, Steven Xavier. You've been a lighthouse that kept us from wrecking on the wrong Shore.

  16. chivo243 Silver badge
    Coat

    Huh?

    Checks calendar, not April 1st... maybe it's November fools day in Russia? I just guessed the article about taking the russian money and such was just a pipe dream... after all it did come from Bong?!

  17. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    So

    Did Bong take a Bung?

    Hungry minds need to know.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    and what is the role of G. Gideon Osbourne in all this?

    I think we should be told

  19. ma1010 Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Actually sorry to see Bong go

    If, indeed this isn't more taking the piss.

    Excellent satire, IMHO. Always enjoyed those Bong articles.

    1. Chemical Bob

      Re: Actually sorry to see Bong go

      Perhaps he could be replaced by John McAfee...

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Actually sorry to see Bong go

        Nah. Sources tell me that Steve, John and Ted Dziuba are convening on a small island in the Caribbean to write the script for a movie detailing their lives. The outline has been leaked to my publisher, who assures me it'll be "The best movie ever made for millennials!". I suspect I'm going to sit this one out.

  20. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

    The Money Shot Question for Honest Answering

    Who and/or what says it is wrong to accept roubles? They can be planted and sown into any alien space for the energy and growth that primed currencies provide.

    Don't you wish your own personal bank account was holding Russian folding for spending extravagantly? The natives certainly appear to enjoy the attention and riches it brings.

    And just like any and all primed currencies, if you aint spending it brilliantly, the power of its virtual magic disappears and reappears with Resources in Greater Control in the Hearts and Minds of A.N.Others. That's the way things are working now.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: ...Answering

      Hi Doc :-)

      Few people know how much sense the first post has. I believe, the sense of this one shall know just one human being more (-;

      Welcome aboard for accumulating and wise distribution of roubles, whatever noble or irrational gain one has in its/their venturing project/action.

      ConnQual: Solid, with riffs.

  21. Mike 125

    So..

    So is fake fake news, news?

  22. John Sager

    Please can we have Lewis & Tim back now? Pity we can't get Lester back from the other side.

    1. reprobate

      + 1 for the return of Lewis and Tim

  23. Admiral Grace Hopper

    L’Esprit d’Escalier

    I forgot to ask, where did it all go Bong?

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: L’Esprit d’Escalier

      Nice one, Grace. Are you long Greater IntelAIgent Games Plays? A Brilliant Move, Well Played.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You forgot another lost Register star this year!

    What about Ed Saipetch walking away from Speaking in Tech podcast?

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bong's gone out!

    Well, relight it, then.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    oh, right. Bye.

    And if You're ever passing this way again, fucking pass.

  27. EastFinchleyite

    Miles

    This is a tragedy, a complete tragedy.

    The first time I remember a reference to the departing columnist was on the passing of the famous quizmaster Michael Miles, he of "Take Your Pick" fame.

    A TV pundit was asked "Did you know that Michael Miles had died" he responded "No" = Bong.

    I took that as a reference to the columnist and part time confidence trickster that we all now love.

    If my memory serves me correctly it was sometime in the 1970s which would make Mr Bong precocious as well as criminally inclined. My memory is probably at fault.

  28. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

    I don't know, I don't know... you can read "Yes, I took Putin's roubles to undermine Western democracy" as a confession.

    You can also read it as an application.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The BBC is reporting that he'll be back by 20:21 ?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-40922169

  30. phuzz Silver badge
    Alien

    Ok, this comment thread has gone properly bonkers (Bong-kers?) now.

    amanfromMars 1 seems to be particularly chatty, which is definitely a sign of...something.

  31. Stevie Silver badge

    Dah!

    Comrade Bong is pillar of capitalist digital world. Stories of his being colonel in Russian Security Services under deep cover are fabrications of yellow press.

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