back to article Pastry in a manger: We're soz, Greggs man said

Budget Brit pastry purveyor Greggs has been forced to apologise after substituting a sausage roll for Baby Jesus in its limited-edition advent calendar. Each door behind the £24 promo features a traditional festive scene, such as kissing a Festive Bake under the mistletoe, a Christmas tree adorned with mini gingerbread tree …

  1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    But El Reg complained first!

    See title

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: But El Reg complained first!

      El Reg is a secular pub.

    2. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: But El Reg complained first!

      Because the Sky Fairy cares....

      1. Richard Wharram

        Re: But El Reg complained first!

        The Sky Fairy should care more about the blatant usage of a nativity scene not described in the Gospels (regardless of the sausage roll replacing baby Jesus).

        The 3 wise men/magi/kings were in the Matthew version of the nativity story. In that they follow a star to what is definitely a house, not a stable. There is no 'manger' (actually the Greek word for manger and crib was the same so that is probably a mis-translation anyway) and Jesus was not described as a baby but a child.

        The Luke version of the story has shepherds, angels, an inn, a BABY Jesus and possibly a manger (see above) but no wise men.

        Mark and John don't describe the events.

        Greggs at least need to move their pastry into one version of the story not some hybrid/reboot.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: But El Reg complained first!

          "Greggs at least need to move their pastry into one version of the story not some hybrid/reboot."

          Why would one fictional story be better than any other?!

          1. Richard Wharram

            Re: But El Reg complained first!

            "Why would one fictional story be better than any other?!"

            Have you seen Highlander 2?

    3. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: But El Reg complained first!

      Seems rather appropriate to me. Someone must have played "hide the sausage" whatever Mary said....

  2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    Spineless of them to give in

    We need more companies to take the piss out of religion. After all, if Coke can get away with dressing St. Nicholas in corporate red & white, what's wrong with a festive sausage roll nativity scene?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Spineless of them to give in

      We need more companies to take the piss out of religion

      I'd like to agree, but apart from (to an extent) Buddhists and Christians, most world religions have huge numbers of primitive, sky-fairy devotionalists who would consider that such piss taking deserved a violent response, and often random and exceptionally violent responses at that.

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: Spineless of them to give in

        who would consider that such piss taking deserved a violent response,

        And deciding not to take the piss because of that is giving in to them, which is exactly why they do it. The only way to stop them is by not being intimidated.

        1. Flatpackhamster

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          Attacking Christianity in Britain is like kicking a child in a wheelchair.

          1. Rich 11 Silver badge

            Re: Spineless of them to give in

            Attacking Christianity in Britain is like kicking a child in a wheelchair.

            Rubbish. A child in a wheelchair is a human being and has the same value as you and I. Christianity is a religion, a man-made concept which is open to question and criticism however much a number of people might value their belief in some particular one.

            Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't want me to take your claim literally? Then try to think of a better simile, one which doesn't confuse the apparent powerlessness of a power structure with sympathy for the plight of a disabled person.

            1. VinceH Silver badge

              Re: Spineless of them to give in

              Rich 11 replying to flatpackhamster's comment that "Attacking Christianity in Britain is like kicking a child in a wheelchair."

              "Rubbish. A child in a wheelchair is a human being and has the same value as you and I. Christianity is a religion, a man-made concept which is open to question and criticism however much a number of people might value their belief in some particular one."

              I may be wrong, but I think you're actually making the same point flatpackhamster was, rather than countering it. I don't think he was likening the two different things, but making a point about the attitudes of the sort of people who complain about a sausage roll in a nativity scene.

        2. Dr. Mouse Silver badge

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          And deciding not to take the piss because of that is giving in to them, which is exactly why they do it. The only way to stop them is by not being intimidated.

          Exactly. I follow the South Park philosophy: either everything is OK to make fun of, or nothing is. As soon as you bow to one group who take offense, you will have to back down to more and more (if you are not being hypocritical) until you cannot take the piss out of anyone or anything.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Spineless of them to give in

            ". I follow the South Park philosophy: either everything is OK to make fun of"

            Didnt they chicken out from broadcasting an episode taking the piss out the paedophile prophet?

            1. Simon 15

              Re: Spineless of them to give in

              I think it was the network that censored it rather than the south park creators themselves. I'm assuming you're referring to the prophet Mohammed here too as he was the most prolific paedophile by our modern civilised standards. His youngest wife, Aisha was just six when they were married but to be fair he did wait until she was nine before he sealed the deal.

              Not that other religions are any better, but are there any worse?

            2. Sweep

              Re: Spineless of them to give in

              Comedy central chickened out of showing him in one episode, not the creators. He had already appeared uncensored in a previous episode.

      2. Dan 55 Silver badge
        Mushroom

        Re: Spineless of them to give in

        I'd like to agree, but apart from (to an extent) Buddhists and Christians

        News from across the continent:

        Did you hear the one about the women in Spain who reported the nun who stole her when she was a baby to the police? She got fined €43,000 for "insulting the nun" and when she couldn't pay got five months prison. She appealed to the government to pardon her and they decided not to. link (Spanish)

        Never give religion a free pass. Not even Christianity.

        1. Captain Hogwash Silver badge

          Re: (to an extent) Buddhists

          See Myanmar.

        2. Jim 59

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          Did you hear the one about the women in Spain who reported the nun who stole her... Never give religion a free pass. Not even Christianity.

          "Jack the Ripper (British) was apalling. Never give the British a free pass, never."

          1. wallaby

            Re: Spineless of them to give in

            "Jack the Ripper (British)"

            there are a number of theories about Jack, one with some evidence to back it up has him as a Yank not a Brit

            https://www.biography.com/news/american-ripper-hh-holmes-jack-the-ripper

            1. Chemical Bob
              Joke

              Re: Spineless of them to give in

              "here are a number of theories about Jack, one with some evidence to back it up has him as a Yank not a Brit"

              Nah, if he was one of us he'd have used a gun.

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Spineless of them to give in

              Lousy evidence. HH Holmes was busy killing people in Chicago at the same time Jack the Ripper was busy killing people in London.

          2. DavCrav Silver badge

            Re: Spineless of them to give in

            ""Jack the Ripper (British) was apalling. Never give the British a free pass, never.""

            Well, your spelling is appalling, but whatever. The point was that she gets five years in prison for being a victim, and this is because the Church is a corrupt institution. See also, massive paedophilia cover-ups.

            Not quite sure how Jack the Ripper was a case of institutional corruption on the part of the British.

            1. MJI Silver badge

              Re: Spineless of them to give in

              I think you will find it is Spain in general.

              All teh missing people and stolen children.

              Franco stuff

            2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: Spineless of them to give in

              "Not quite sure how Jack the Ripper was a case of institutional corruption on the part of the British."

              Well, some theories claim he was a member of the Royal family....so...COVER UP!!!11!!!1!1

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          Never give religion a free pass. Not even Christianity.

          I wouldn't.

          I was just making a point that (certainly in Britain) quite a few religions DO have a free pass. Personally I'd stamp on all religions that have a built in inferiority and extremism, and that's most of them.

        4. TDog

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          Bit of a bugger that - so are you going to create a new religion / law / credo that says exactly what? I don't disagree with the principal I just can't see the implementation working. You could try complete separation between church and state like USA but I see an awful lot of Congressmen and Senators still quoting the bible as if it were the literal word of God - who we all know spoke and wrote in a Southern USA drawl and style.

          Nah - when society signs up to fascism in the name of God then Lieutenant Heinlein's response to Nehemiah Scudder is the only rational action; albeit fictional.

          "You should only own yourself".

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: Spineless of them to give in

            "You could try complete separation between church and state like USA"

            That's always puzzled me when pretty much every President invokes his god in so many public speeches and even invokes their god on the currency.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Spineless of them to give in

        Yeah and here I was thinking we're at the point where at least one montheistic behemoth has finally reached the stage of ridicule on its path to irrelevance, so we can move to the next ones, because I think only ridicule is the real tool to do that.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Spineless of them to give in

        Ah, if you mean the muslims then why not just have the balls to say it? Imagine the prophet Mohammed being used to advertise a pork product, we'd have the next Holocaust.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          "Imagine the prophet Mohammed being used to advertise a pork product, we'd have the next Holocaust."

          If I had enough money, I would run with that just for the lols.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Spineless of them to give in

            "f I had enough money, I would run with that just for the lols."

            For sure that's got to be the next Danish bacon advert!

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          Ah, if you mean the muslims then why not just have the balls to say it?

          Because it isn't just Muslims.

          If I carry a dagger around, or rode a motorbike without a helmet, I'd be prosecuted, but that's A-OK for Sikhs. If I killed an animal by slitting its throat, the RSPCA would have me in court ASAP - unless it was ritual slaughter for both Jewish and Muslim communities.

        3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          "Ah, if you mean the muslims then why not just have the balls to say it? "

          Probably because Islam is not the only one with a "free pass", even if that is what most people first think of.

        4. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Spineless of them to give in

          Would that be Jewish or Muslim pork?

          How is it that two religions that are so similar manage to be on opposite sides?

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: Spineless of them to give in

            "How is it that two religions that are so similar manage to be on opposite sides?"

            For the same reasons that different sects within the same religion can be opposite sides. Huge fundamental differences over what colour the hats should be. :-)

    2. Def Silver badge

      Re: Spineless of them to give in

      ...if Coke can get away with dressing St. Nicholas in corporate red & white...

      "Images of Santa Claus were further popularized through Haddon Sundblom's depiction of him for The Coca-Cola Company's Christmas advertising in the 1930s. The popularity of the image spawned urban legends that Santa Claus was invented by The Coca-Cola Company or that Santa wears red and white because they are the colours used to promote the Coca-Cola brand. Historically, Coca-Cola was not the first soft drink company to utilize the modern image of Santa Claus in its advertising—White Rock Beverages had already used a red and white Santa to sell mineral water in 1915 and then in advertisements for its ginger ale in 1923. Earlier still, Santa Claus had appeared dressed in red and white and essentially in his current form on several covers of Puck magazine in the first few years of the 20th century."

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus#20th_century

      1. Mage Silver badge

        Re: urban legends that Santa Claus was invented by The Coca-Cola Company

        The Coca-Cola Company

        Still, their stupid red truck visits across UK etc should be boycotted.

        A really nasty company that targets poor, 3rd world and tries to make their drink addictive. Even the sugar free version may promote diabetes.

        Their marketing is unethical. Ever wondered why so many fast food places, even independent, only have Coca-Cola branded soft drinks, fridge and signage? That bears an investigation by Competition Authority in UK, Ireland and other places.

        A major purveyor of diabetes, tooth decay and obesity. Possibly even part of American Cultural Imperialism? The Coca-Cola Company, McDonald's, Disney, Budweiser, Google, Apple, Facebook, KFC, Starbucks, Nike, Levi are not signs of Democracy. We outside USA have enough stupidity of our own without importing it.

        1. Dave559 Bronze badge

          Re: urban legends that Santa Claus was invented by The Coca-Cola Company

          Any particular reason why you omitted Microsoft from your list of American Cultural Imperialists?

          (Linux FTW (which of course is essentially international as an ecosystem))

          1. wallaby

            Re: urban legends that Santa Claus was invented by The Coca-Cola Company

            "Any particular reason why you omitted Microsoft from your list of American Cultural Imperialists?

            (Linux FTW (which of course is essentially international as an ecosystem))"

            Jeezzz Louise

            even for a Penguinista, dragging Microsoft into it and bigging up Linux in a forum post about Sausage rolls.....

            OH PLEASE GET A LIFE.

            1. Dave559 Bronze badge

              Re: urban legends that Santa Claus was invented by The Coca-Cola Company

              I was following up to someone else's previous comment which referred to (among others) Apple as an example of American Cultural Imperialism, but, oddly (in my opinion), did not include Microsoft in their list, which I thought was rather unusual, as I know which one I'd regard as the worse, that's all.

    3. Chemical Bob
      Devil

      Re: Spineless of them to give in

      Frankly, little baby Jesus was replaced by the sausage roll a long, long time ago (figuratively speaking).

    4. SundogUK

      Re: Spineless of them to give in

      Completely misses the point. If you don't have the balls to take the piss out of Islam then taking the piss out of Christianity is utterly hypocritical.

  3. adam payne Silver badge

    Yeah you protest against that sick anti Christian advert calendar and boycott the company. How dare Greggs do this.

    Now back to reality, people secure in their beliefs shouldn't need to scream and rant about such things. There are bigger things to worry about imo.

    1. The Indomitable Gall

      I think the best way to think about religious offence...

      I think the best way to think about the offence taken by religious people is this:

      How would you feel if this was your mother?

      I mean, even if there is no god (I'm an atheist myself), religious people genuinely feel filial love for their figures of veneration. Thus, think about whether you would insult someone's mother that way.

      Now before anyone says "it's a delusional feeling", well yeah... I personally agree with you, but it makes no difference: they feel it, and making them offended doesn't free them of the belief -- it just offends them. So what is the purpose?

      So let's get back to the sausage roll.

      If someone replaced my mother with a sausage roll, how offended would I be? Not very. Unless it was presented explicitly as an insult. So I do think it's a bit of a silly overreaction, but guess what...? A handful of Twitter users is nothing. You're talking about the overreaction by a tiny number of people... so aren't we also guilty of overreacting.

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      people secure in their beliefs shouldn't need to scream and rant about such things

      I really, really wish I could give you more than one upvote..

  4. John G Imrie Silver badge

    Offence

    Greggs have just offended me by apologising to the Christians, now where can I vent my spleen?

    1. Flatpackhamster

      Re: Offence

      Twitter.

    2. Rich 11 Silver badge

      Re: Offence

      Canterbury Cathedral.

    3. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: Offence

      "now where can I vent my spleen?"

      I'm sure Greggs can find some pastry and shelf space...

  5. ColonelClaw

    This is disgraceful, outrageous, insulting etc etc

    ...So, anyone else off to Greggs for lunch? That's a damn fine looking sausage roll.

    1. John70

      Went yesterday for my sausage roll fix.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Had a meeting with the company accountant today. In Greggs. Sausage rolls and Belgian Buns to follow. Yum!

  6. Mark 110 Silver badge

    Outrageous!!

    And they sell pork - insulting Jews and Muslims.

    And beef - insulting Hindus.

    What has the world come too . . .

    1. Inertia

      Re: Outrageous!!

      I wouldn't concern yourself about Greggs sausage rolls containing any of those meats.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Outrageous!!

      You think this is outrageous wait till they find out that they aren't the wise men and they've depicted Mary as a bearded transgender,

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Outrageous!!

        "depicted Mary as a bearded transgender" ....... It needed to be done. You can't have 3 wise men. Not enough diversity in that ..... these days. Someone would be offended and complain.

  7. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    Howay in a manger

    I think the real scandal here is that a sausage roll got to play the Baby Jesus - as any fule no, the truly devine comestible from Greggs is the Steak Bake

    1. ukgnome Silver badge

      Re: Howay in a manger

      I am a vegetarian and even I know this to be true!

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Howay in a manger

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      The sausage roll is the food of the Gods! Divinely inspired piggy goodness. The steak bake is nasty cheap meat. Obviously so is the sausage roll, but the advantage of sausages is that's how they're supposed to be.

      Their bread pudding and Belgian buns are also superb. However they need to have a serious word with themselves about the doughnuts. The "jam" ones are too doughy, not crispy on the outside, have insufficient jam and are dusted with soft icing sugar instead of crunchy granulated stuff. All wrong! And the less said about selling horrible jam-less ring doughnuts the better...

      1. Rattus Rattus

        Re: I ain't Spartacus

        The only true doughnut is the cinnamon-dusted ring (shaddup). All those iced or jam-filled... things are mere cakes and no doughnut at all!

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Flame

          Re: I ain't Spartacus

          The only true doughnut is the cinnamon-dusted ring (shaddup). All those iced or jam-filled... things are mere cakes and no doughnut at all!

          Guards! Seize him!

          Burn the heretic!

          The one true doughnut is an irregular globular shape and filled with jam and covered in sugar. All others are impostors. After all, it's called a doughnut, not a doughring. I'm sure it's fine if you want to ice them, or add cream, or other such fripperies. I'm even willing to be liberal, and accept that maybe the custard doughnut is not actually a crime against humanity.

          There's nothing wrong if you wish to consume a ring doughnut. Iced or covered in cinamon as you wish. Just so long as you accept that yours is an inferior form, and bow to the obvious superiority of The One True Doughnut.

          1. MJI Silver badge

            Re: I ain't Spartacus

            Can't upvote you enough.

            Am I alone in seeing all those flashy so called doughnuts (eg Krispy Creme) and thinking just no, diabetes on a plate, sickly, no thanks.

            But a jam doughnut, perfection.

            1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

              Re: I ain't Spartacus

              MJI,

              Although I broadly agree with you, you're on pretty dodgy ground assailing the likes of Krispy Kreme for their "sickly diabetes on a plate". At least you are if you're doing it while defending a deep fried sweet bread product that contains jam (about 50% sugar*) and is then covered in more sugar.

              *That's for home made jam. Commercial stuff tends to have less fruit, and more sugar - which is going to be especially true for the non-specific "red flavour" jam that tends to lurk inside your average jam doughnut.

          2. The Indomitable Gall

            Re: I ain't Spartacus

            " The one true doughnut is an irregular globular shape and filled with jam and covered in sugar. All others are impostors. After all, it's called a doughnut, not a doughring. "

            Go grab a metal bolt, and that metal thing that goes on it... what do you call it? A sort of ring thing, with a hole in the middle? Oh yes, a nut.

            (I'm well aware that this is false etymology, but then again I'm pretty certain that the original doughnuts were unstuffed fried doughballs not much bigger in size than a modern "doughnut hole".

          3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: I ain't Spartacus

            "There's nothing wrong if you wish to consume a ring doughnut."

            Unless it's one of those horrible hard, cardboard-like abominations sold from vending machines in motorway services under the Krspy Kreme brand. Those consumers ought to be sent to re-education camps.

          4. magickmark
            Angel

            Re: I ain't Spartacus

            All Hail to the One True Doughnut for it truly is of the Divine!!

      2. TheVogon Silver badge

        Re: Howay in a manger

        "The sausage roll is the food of the Gods!"

        Well it certainly can help create giant children!

      3. Pedigree-Pete
        Pint

        Jamless Donughts...

        abomination. Where's the custard doughnuts please. PP

        >Icon. Something to wash it all down with and ...well Friday.

    3. Scroticus Canis
      Trollface

      Re: Howay in a manger

      ... the truly devine comestible from Greggs is the Holy Cow Steak Bake

      FTFY

    4. wallaby

      Re: Howay in a manger

      I think we need to look for realism in these things

      In future Jesus, Mary and Joseph should only be played by those of the Jewish persuasion

  8. PsyMan2000

    Jesus backwards

    Jesus read backwards is Sausage.....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Jesus backwards

      Jesus H Crust, you're right!

      Holy Roller!

      1. AdamT

        Re: Jesus backwards

        That's nearly as good as when someone just pointed out to me that "Maximus Decimus Meridius" is sort of Latin for "High Five"...

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Re: Jesus backwards

          Maximus Decimus Meridius

          I wouldn't bother trying to think what it might mean in Latin since it's not even a proper Latin name. If people address him as Maximus then that's his cognomen, while Decimus is a common praenomen (there were only a dozen of these known to be in use by Imperial times), leaving Meridius as his nomen (the family's name). So he should have given his name as Decimus Meridius Maximus.

          /pedant

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: Jesus backwards

            So he should have given his name as Decimus Meridius Maximus.

            /pedant

            Pedantry at its finest. Here, have an upvote.

        2. Is It Me

          Re: Jesus backwards

          try putting it in to google translate, I think someone has been gaming the system there

        3. createahandletheysay

          Re: Jesus backwards

          Jesus backwards is sausage.

          God Jesus backwards is sausage dog!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    While we're on the subject of outrage...

    ...shouldn't Greggs be apostophe-ised as Gregg's

    1. Def Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: While we're on the subject of outrage...

      I always thought Greggs was the breed of cloned animals they put in their pies.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: While we're on the subject of outrage...

        Don't tell anyone, but they use porcuswine. It's terribly hush-hush.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: While we're on the subject of outrage...

          "porcuswine" .... aha ..... that's how they get them through the DNA testing.

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: While we're on the subject of outrage...

          but they use porcuswine

          Upvoted for the SSR references.

          Shame that the series degenerated ioto a pretty bad parody of itself!

      2. Pompous Git Silver badge

        Re: While we're on the subject of outrage...

        "I always thought Greggs was the breed of cloned animals they put in their pies."
        I would have thought they were the Dreggs...

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: While we're on the subject of outrage...

      "...shouldn't Greggs be apostophe-ised as Gregg's"

      They're bakers, not grocer's!

    3. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: While we're on the subject of outrage...

      "...shouldn't Greggs be apostophe-ised as Gregg's"

      I thought it was just more than one Gregg....

  10. hatti

    Who'd have thought

    The baby Jesus as a greasy savoury sausage snack? What fascinating modern commercial times we live in.

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Angel

      Re: Who'd have thought

      At least there is evidence that the sausage actually existed...

      *burp*

      Proof!

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Who'd have thought

        We've got evidence for the existence of a bloke called Jesus, and the trouble he and his followers caused.

        Obviously divinity is a tad more a stretch to prove. But there are multiple contemporaneous ancient sources mentioning him, which is comparitive riches against a lot of figures in ancient history.

        1. hplasm Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Who'd have thought

          "We've got evidence for the existence of a bloke called Jesus, and the trouble he and his followers caused."

          Good garden and pool maintenance people are hard to find...

  11. chivo243 Silver badge
    Coat

    They must have hit it close to the mark?

    I didn't think there was any truth in advertising. Anyone who can't take a fuck, jokem...

    I bet the complainer is really torn between his love of sausage and his religion?

  12. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Everybody knows

    Jesus is a small, flat, tasteless wafer, washed down with diluted wine.

    //he's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: Everybody knows

      //he's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!

      he's not the Messiah, he's a fatty meaty pie!

      FTFY

  13. Velv Silver badge
    Mushroom

    Christians getting upset at Greggs...

    ...while sticking a dead tree in their house and cover it with tinsel and lights, spend millions on "presents" for friends and relatives who already have more stuff than they need, all while eating and drinking themselves into several stupors. Because that's the true meaning of Christmas.

    To those Christians who quietly go about observing their belief, I wish you good tidings. The rest of you hypocrites get the mockery you deserve.

    1. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      As I said on another Gregg's thread...

      ..to be offended is to have pride, and pride is a sin. To turn the other cheek, to accept mocking and derision with a meek and loving spirit, now that is the right reaction for a Christian.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      And to you to sir, there are not enough upvotes to add to your post!

    3. Pompous Git Silver badge
      Pint

      "all while eating and drinking themselves into several stupors."
      Sounds like my idea of fun! Does that make me a Christian?

    4. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
      Stop

      Remember, God hates Christmas trees, according to Jeremiah 10:3-4:

      "For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not."

      https://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.fr/2006/12/god-hates-christmas-trees.html

  14. Alister Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Grammar!

    substituting Baby Jesus for a sausage roll

    Does nobody know how to write English anymore? What you wrote above means that you replaced a sausage roll with Baby Jesus.

    What you should have said is either:

    substituting Baby Jesus with a sausage roll

    (which is poor construction in itself)

    or: substituting a sausage roll for Baby Jesus.

    Hmmmph!

    1. BeakUpBottom

      Re: Grammar!

      Reasonable to assume that they put the little Baby Jesus figure, removed from the nativity scene, into the sausage roll wrapper that was then lying empty, donchyathink?

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Grammar!

        I once got given a chocolate nativity set for St Nicholas' Day, while working in Belgium. HR got in early and all our desks had speculoos cookies (yum) and choccy shepherds, Marys, Josephs and Jesuses (yum-yum).

        As I bit the baby Jesus' head off, I did wonder if this was some weird kind of blasphemy...

        1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Grammar!

          As I bit the baby Jesus' head off, I did wonder if this was some weird kind of blasphemy...

          That might depend on whether it came back on you.

    2. ukgnome Silver badge

      Re: Grammar!

      And yet you still understood the sentence the way it was constructed.

      I bet you're fun at parties.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Grammar!

        I bet you're fun at parsties.

    3. Pompous Git Silver badge

      Re: Grammar!

      "Does nobody know how to write English anymore? What you wrote above means that you replaced a sausage roll with Baby Jesus."
      Nothing wrong with that! Providing he's been circumcised of course...

    4. Kernel

      Re: Grammar!

      "Does nobody know how to write English anymore? What you wrote above means that you replaced a sausage roll with Baby Jesus."

      Could've been worse - they could've replaced the sausage roll with baby jesus inna bun.

  15. phuzz Silver badge

    Wait a mo

    Why didn't they turn the other cheek and forgive Greggs their trespasses?

    1. Franco Silver badge

      Re: Wait a mo

      I can hear the late great Bill Hicks on this one.

      Angry mob: Hey buddy, we're Christians and we don't like what you said

      Bill: Then forgive me

      Bill: Later, when I was hanging from the tree.....

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-btK9wllOvI

      1. phuzz Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Wait a mo

        "I can hear the late great Bill Hicks on this one."

        If you're going to steal, you might as well steal from the best.

        (And he's dead so there's even less chance of him complaining)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Wait a mo

      What? And miss out on an opportunity for righteous indignation? Have you been living under a rock?

    3. TheOtherPhil

      Re: Wait a mo

      "Trespasties" surely?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Wait a mo

        Tres pasties pour deux? Marvelleaux!

        1. Pedigree-Pete
          Pint

          Re: Tres pasties pour deux? Marvelleaux!

          @AC. Thanks, now I have Plastic Bertrand stuck in my head until something else comes along. Actually not so bad really. PP

    4. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Wait a mo

      Not to mention getting their daily bread from them

  16. Andrew Moore Silver badge

    But surely...

    ...transubstantiation would have kicked it by the time the sausage reaches the stomach...

    1. hplasm Silver badge
      Angel

      Re: But surely...

      Take, eat - for this is my... sausage. *wink*

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: But surely...

        Maybe a little to far?

        Nah, not really.

  17. batfink
    Pirate

    The Piss Shalt be Taken

    I'm perfectly fine with people taking the piss out of religions, with their confused, contradictory and fantastical beliefs.

    Apart from His Noodliness The Flying Spaghetti Monster, of course. As it sayeth in one of our Holy Books (to be finished tomorrow, or whenever I get around to it) "Piss-takers shalt be smitten with smiting, preferably around the bonce as they shall not be protected by our Holy Headwear. Then the bits shalt be burned. With fire. It shalt be forbidden to piss upon them, even though they be on fire. Pass me my beer."

    @ElReg - We're still waiting for that FSM icon...

  18. rmason Silver badge
    Joke

    Tell them to jog on.

    Tell the few nutcases to jog on. I'll bet their bottom line isn't effected in the least.

    *next church-ey meeting*

    "fellow 60, 70 and 80 year olds - Stop going to greggs"

    "my grandson? What's he done wrong?"

    "'ere, have you heard what he's saying about Ethels Gregg? he's a lovely boy!"

    "No not Ethel's grandson, the shop, the cheap steak bake people"

    "gregg has a shop? that's wonderful dearie"

    "no, they sell sandwiches to undesirables. We don't like them anymore"

    "oh you *can't* call them 'undesirables' my dear, they can get married and everything now"

    "Never mind Ethel, Never mind"

  19. unwarranted triumphalism

    Giving in to religious fundies

    How brave, standing up for free speech like that. How do you like the taste of those jackboots?

  20. Spoonsinger

    According to the 'story', didn't the three 'wise' men actually spend a bit of time trying to find the right barn? (in fact even as far as going to Herod and saying "Oh!, you don't happen to know where that son of god is do you?") In which case isn't it totally possible that one of the other barns did in fact have a large sausage roll in a manger. Actually, if you go by Matthew's version, they were just an unnumbered party of unnamed "wise men". In which case they would definitely of had at least one large sausage roll about their persons.

    1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Coat

      They were wise to travel by land instead of flying. No chance of an inflight meal, but you can always pull in at a rest stop and pick up a few sausage rolls for lunch while the camels are tanking up.

      // mine's the one with the frankincense in the pocket

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        you can always pull in at a rest stop and pick up a few sausage rolls for lunch while the camels are tanking up.

        Have you ever seen a camel? The smelly buggers are grumpy enough already, without getting them drunk!

    2. hplasm Silver badge
      Devil

      3 men, wise.

      "According to the 'story', didn't the three 'wise' men actually spend a bit of time trying to find the right barn?"

      First they did visit Pound Bakery, but lo, the Holy Roll(er) was not there...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      RE: Spoonsinger

      According to the 'story', didn't the three 'wise' men actually spend a bit of time trying to find the right barn? (in fact even as far as going to Herod and saying "Oh!, you don't happen to know where that son of god is do you?")

      I think that there kind of proves that the story isn't true....no man, especially not a wise one, would ever stop and ask for directions.

  21. Natalie Gritpants

    As a Christian I am offended by the complainers. They don't represent me and so don't deserve to label themselves (apart from uptight wankers). I don't take my religion too seriously, God I do, but the church and the people who work for it don't get any special respect.

    What would Jesus have done? Probaly that's why there is a bite taken out of the lovely item.

    1. MJI Silver badge

      I thought this was the correct response.

      Too many self important twerps clogging it up.

      One of my tests for a religion is.

      Can you find their local heads in the pub?

      If yes, good.

      If no, forget it.

      At least you often find Vicars in them.

  22. Jim 59

    On a secular note, going out of your way to mock 2 billion potential customers is not great sales strategy. Which might explain the "apology".

    1. rmason Silver badge

      @Jim 59

      I don't think there are 2 billion Christians living near a greggs.

      If there were, I think a significant proportion of those people would be in the bit of the Venn diagram that covers "christian" AND "has a sense of humour".

      1. Jim 59

        @rmason

        Greggs views the global population as potential customers, whether they live near a branch or not.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Devil

          I'd say this isn't a problem for Greggs.

          If you go to their head office you'll find a chart, which breaks the population down into two important demographic groups.

          1. Potential Customers

          2. Potential Ingredients

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        RE: rmason

        I don't think there are 2 billion Christians living near a greggs.

        Maybe not 2 billion, but there may be more than you think. I believe there's a tie up between Greggs and NAFFI, so forces personnel can get some greasy goodness at many points all across the globe.

      3. MJI Silver badge

        >> I think a significant proportion of those people would be in the bit of the Venn diagram that covers >>"christian" AND "has a sense of humour".

        Not a born again or evangelical then.

        But most likely a CofE, probably clergy.

        If I had to get stuck with any of that group, I'd prefer the clergy, come across the others too many times.

        Would you believe that some people think the Old Testament is accurate and not a bunch of myths?

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Would you believe that some people think the Old Testament is accurate and not a bunch of myths?

          If you've ever studied ancient history, you'd know that the Old Testament is a very important source. It suffers from bias of course, but then so does every document you read. It also has the usual problem with sources that straddle the time period of the use of writing - which is that they combine old stories that have probably been told round the fireside for centuries with written records made at the same time as events. so you'll find just as many myths in the Anglo-Saxon Chronicles, the writings of the Venerable Bede or ancient Greek history.

          There's a line in Heredotus' Histories where he says that in Persia there are ants the size of foxes - and I have spoken to people who have actually seen them. This is the reason that he's called "the father of history", for consciously trying to write a history that left out what were thought to be myths, but also known as "the father of lies", because he often failed to do so.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ahem....

    Lets see.

    Religion that celebrates a baby born to an unmarried mother who got impregnated by a one night stand, a bloke she'd never met before, whilst making some other bloke bring up this absent fathers child. They then receive high value hand outs from strangers, that you never hear of again. The same religion that denounces aforementioned behaviour and condemns anyone else doing this to an afterlife of eternal damnation.

    Or someone selling sausage rolls, similar to yule logs.

    I think I know which one has more morals.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ahem....

      " religion that celebrates a baby born to an unmarried mother who got impregnated by a one night stand "

      Sounds like the normal Benefit Britain love story to me

  24. wolfetone Silver badge

    Well, the retail sector is getting a battering at the moment by the Christians. First they boycott Tesco because they showed some muslims celebrating Christmas (but said nothing about the lack of religious imagery), and now they're boycotting Greggs because Jesus has turned in to a sausage roll. I mean, of course, that's only if they're not already boycotting Greggs because they use halal meat which is "cruel" to animals that have spent their lives cooped up in cages.

    I bet none of the wankers even bother going to mass on a Sunday, just on the main events like Easter and Christmas. Y'know, the days when the commercialisation of religious holidays is front and centre in everything we see and do so they see it as an excuse to chow down on chocolate and sprouts.

    But that's all none of my business.

    1. Fading Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Hmm Halal pork sausage....

      How much boycotting is actually happening BTW or is this merely twitter outrage (tm)?

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        Re: Hmm Halal pork sausage....

        I don't know, but it's always fun to mention it to certain Daily Fail readers and watch them blow up about how the animals are euthanized without being stunned (which is half true, some halal meat is stunned). But they never consider the welfare of the animal before it meets it's end. Only the fact that to be outraged by halal is to be outraged at Islam without looking like a giant raging racist.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Go rest ye merry, gentlemen

    Let nothing you dismay

    Remember, that our Savoury

    Was bought on Christmas day.

    I'm sure the sausage roll was deep and crisp and even too.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Communion just got savoury!

      "This meat-like product is My flesh, this greasy dough is My, um, also My flesh. Have a stout, and you can transubstantiate it and drink My blood."

      Personally, I don't see how Catholic and (historical) Aztec ritual cannibalism are all that different in spirit.

      Please, mates, note that this is a JOKE, before hunting me down and burning me at the steak... er, stake.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This could catch on,

    What about Mohammed Mince Pies with his picture on them?

    Good or bad idea?

    1. Scroticus Canis
      Mushroom

      Mohammed Mince Pies with his picture on them?

      Yeh, that will go down a bomb.

      (no jihadi icon)

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Are we sure this isn't a true representation? I heard Mary of Magdala had a few sausages.

  28. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    Sorry but I can see that substitution with a pork delicacy could be seen as derogatory to those who believe in non-corporeal pig abstainers.

    Presumably however, a steak slice would have been fine, or a beef sausage roll, or a pie ... or even some falafels with chilli sauce ...

  29. Staberinde
    Paris Hilton

    King of the Jews

    Represented by a pork product?

    Methinks the wrong religion has taken offence here.

    I have no problem with it personally. I'd happily eat a Jesus sausage roll, Prophet Mohammed eclair and wash it all down with a Buddha banana and peanut butter milkshake. Breakfast of the gods.

    1. tiggity Silver badge

      Re: King of the Jews

      There is already a laughing Buddha "beer" (some odd lagery thing) - comes in a green bottle, shaped like Buddha.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Buddha beer

        I wonder how long it'll be before Aldi or Lidl start selling a very similar cut-price version.

        I can't believe it's not Buddha

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'd be slightly

    more understanding if it was a scene featuring Allah, what with a pork sausage roll.

    But here we go, some offended fuckwit fires up the keyboard of righteousness and fires off the moral holy hand grenade of Antioch..

    I'm absolutely fucking sick to the back teeth of the snowflake contingent taking offence at ANYTHING that offends their own moral sensibilities. Christians are one of the most easy going religious types on the planet. Hell we let Muslims threaten to kill our soldiers and pour scorn on our poppy tradition and we tut and we complain but that's ALL we do. We let them express their discontent.

    Religious freedoms they don't have back in shitholeistan.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: I'd be slightly

      "I'm absolutely fucking sick to the back teeth of the snowflake contingent taking offence at ANYTHING that offends their own moral sensibilities. "

      They've always been around. In the past, they would mutter, grumble and tut amongst their own small circle. With the advent of the internet, Especially Twitter and Facebook, they can reach a much larger audience and feed off each other outrage, fanning the flames of a small garden waste incineration into a huge forest fire while still remaining largely irrelevant in the great scheme of things.

  31. Jamie Jones Silver badge

    What he is basically saying...

    "Please boycott @GreggsOfficial to protest against its sick anti-Christian Advent Calendar. What cowards these people are: we all know that they would never dare insult other religions! "

    "... and it's about time people started remembering that many of us Christians are also intolerent humourless delusional morons just like people of other religions"

  32. SwizzleStick

    Little piggy in swaddling

    is what they shudda used.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ahh, the Greggs Jumbo Sausage Roll

    Or, as it is often known, the <insert_name_of_favourite_council_housing_estate> dummy....

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ahh, the Greggs Jumbo Sausage Roll

      And they do a small one for the kids, the "Pastifier".

  34. Adam JC

    Greggs

    All this has done is made me want to pop down to Greggs at lunchtime tomorrow and buy a sausage roll.

    In all fairness, they're the dogs bollocks... or is that what goes into them? I never can remember!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Greggs

      In all fairness, they're the dogs bollocks... or is that what goes into them?

      No, the bollocks go in the pasties. The sausage rolls get, umm, something else handy

  35. Mark 85 Silver badge
    Happy

    Did any religion get missed?

    Well.. this is another fine mess.... Seems that just about every religion has been hit by the Commentardary today. But if the truly pious can't take a joke... just fu*k 'em... with something sharp and rusty. They need to get a grip... around a sausage roll and chill out with a beer.

  36. Florida1920 Silver badge
    Pint

    Greggs is on a roll!

    Happy Holidays!

  37. Steve 34

    Um...

    ... but it's our savioury roll. Confused.

  38. MJI Silver badge

    How to offend Muslims

    They keep telling everyone they are offended by doughnuts and under no circumstances ties bags of them to Mosques.

  39. Nick Davey

    Well...

    As a fully licensed, practising Christian, I thought it was quite funny. Some people need to learn to take a joke. God has to have a sense of humour after all, I mean, look at what he came up with while having supreme creative power!

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