back to article Caption this: Capita staff picket a bunch o'er pickled pensions

UK staffers at outsourcing giant Capita – deep in the weeds of its "turnaround year" – are entering day two of union protests over proposed changes to their pension plans. But you know what's free? Laughter. We'd like our dear readers to offer up your best c(r)aptions to show your true feelings for your favourite outsourcing …

  1. wolfetone Silver badge

    Crapita staff to outsource strikes to India in a bid to make efficiency savings.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Crapita strike now effects all 3 non-outsourced roles, company still in disarray though a spokesman confirmed they are indeed crap.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I always the wrong way round get that.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Entire UK non-management staff go on strike.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Crapita staff replaced by Google Android's in the UK Goverments first staff automation deal.

  5. mark 120

    First photo

    Capita security called into question as pen tester steals flag from under noses of of staff.

    1. Elmer Phud

      Re: First photo

      'Pen-tester steals pen' - shirley

  6. DarkLordofSurrey
    Black Helicopters

    Do I need a TV license to post a c(r)aption??

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Oi Capita fecking Bill us already!

    Every time we attempt to use our support contracts we find because you can't be arsed to send out invoices for contract renewals or chase up whether we want to be customers (Hint: We don't but you keep buying other support companies up and assimilating them so not really much choice for certain scenarios).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Oi Capita fecking Bill us already!

      Every time we attempt to use our support contracts....

      Why not do the job yourselves, then? Capita are a company with no real expertise, so it isn't like they have some magic sauce that your company can't find. As with all jobs, if you want it doing properly, you do it yourself, if you don't give a toss about both quality and cost, you outsource it.

      Quite often, the REAL reasons for outsourcing are very poor, but never really openly declared. I worked for a large UK company, and it had outsourced its cleaning to a third party for years. In theory they could buy the supplies cheaper, and were better at recruiting and vetting high-turnover cleaning staff, and managing hourly paid part time staff (ignoring that they were now paid by monthly BACS transfer by the cleaning company). A detailed review of the several million quid a year we spent found that in fact they were making a very nice margin on the supplies, but did so on a small number of the many items, and kept changing which items the margin was accrued on, AND despite a contract that required pro-rata pass back of central discounts to the cleaning company from its suppliers, that never happened. Just to explain that last one, when a service company buys supplies (cleaning, catering, stationary, consumables of all kinds) across multiple client company locations, they usually get invoices at full cost specific to the locations (that the client sees), but the usually quite large volume rebates from their consumables supplier is invariably paid as a central benefit, intentionally acting as hidden margin for the service company.

      This cleaning company weren't any better at recruiting or vetting (the company I worked for had about 10,000 staff, so were very good at the whole recruiting process). The real reason that the cleaning was outsourced only became apparent when it was suggested that we bring it back in house: Over the years, the client company's pay scales had crept up, and the lowest point on the pay scale was significantly higher than the typical cleaner's FTE pay. When asked, the HR department regarded it as some impossibility to introduce a new pay scale, or extend the "spine points" downwards from the current lowest, and as a result our total cost of cleaning was half a million quid higher, and we had less control of the service.

      Long winded, sorry about that. But it exemplifies that your outsourcer wouldn't be doing it unless it made them a very tidy margin. If Crapita are doing it, it can require little skill. Do yourselves a favour, and bring it back in house.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Oi Capita fecking Bill us already!

        Because everyone once in a while we need a Cisco TAC logged which we can't do ourselves, as the company Capita brought implemented it and didn't give us access to Cisco TAC.

  8. smudge Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Call me humourless

    I am no fan of Capita or trade unions, and I don't have a final salary pension.

    But I see nothing funny about people going on strike to try to preserve their futures.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Call me humourless

      Same here.

      Some poor bastard standing out in the cold, hoping (against hope, I'm afraid) to preserve pension agreements that Crapita have signed up to and now want to renege on, and apparently that's a great opportunity to poke fun.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Call me humourless

      Life would be pretty boring if everything was out of bounds for light humour and I would also say that from the tone of the article and comments that the piss taking is directed at Crapita and not these people.

      I also don't have a final salary pensions and the one I do is not worth the cost of the letters they send every year or so.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Call me humourless

      When I stopped liking my job, I got a new one somewhere else.

    4. unwarranted triumphalism

      Re: Call me humourless

      Working people are fair game here at the Reg.

    5. David Roberts Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Call me humourless

      Came here to post much the same.

      Poor bastards being fucked over by senior management is not remotely humorous. Especially having been out on the occasional picket line myself.

  9. Andrew Barr

    overdue projects

    No wonder the majority of c(r)apita's IT projects are overdue, there are only 3 people working there!

  10. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    As the firing squad lined up, they started to realise holding the protest against a wall was perhaps a bad idea.

  11. 2+2=5 Silver badge

    First photo, the logo on the right-hand flag looks a bit like...

    Capita - because a winged-elephant is so much nicer than a flying pig.

  12. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. bwright72

    We've come a long way since 'Carry on at your Convenience '...

  14. ukgnome Silver badge

    Create Tomorrow they say, tomorrows what? Presumably Tomorrows poor?

  15. UncleTom
    Unhappy

    Ever wonder what it would look like if someone held a picket, but no-one turned up?

  16. Laura Kerr
    Megaphone

    For Pink Floyd adherents

    "Are there any permies in the audience tonight? Get them up against the wall."

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: For Pink Floyd adherents

      Who let all of this riff-raff into the room?

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