back to article Ex-sperm-inate! Sam the sex-droid 'heavily soiled' in randy nerd rampage

In a public showing of Samantha, a sex doll with built-in computing power to make her more realistic, the love droid apparently suffered a terrible fate. The robot was displayed at the ARS Electronica Festival in Linz, Austria and proved a little too popular, it is claimed. The robot was mobbed by attendees who broke two of …

  1. Long John Brass Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Humanity is doomed

    Over a third of the men in attendance said they would purchase a plastic pal who's fun to be with.

    Humanity is doomed. ®

    At least we get to go out with a bang

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Humanity is doomed

      If only future world leaders' fathers had invested in them when they first came out they would've saved us a whole lot of trouble.

    2. TWB

      Re: Humanity is doomed

      Is that such a bad thing? We humans are'nt that great

      1. naive

        Re: Humanity is doomed

        <troll>

        Not humanity is doomed, women are.

        The fees for any divorce lawyer easily exceed $ 3,000. Why would we bother, engaging with any woman introduces high risks on legal fees and other obligations due to the systemic legal discrimination of men in most Western countries.

        Once good looking and well behaving bots are around, my guess is only well educated females in countries like Saudi-Arabia will still be able to find a man.

        </troll>

        1. bombastic bob Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: Humanity is doomed

          "Not humanity is doomed, women are."

          heh - robosexuality - for politically correct reasons, they MUST accept it.

          I wonder how long the SJW's would defend robosexuals...?

          This can easily descend into a 2D vs 3DPD rant, like on certain image boards

          and don't forget THIS web site...

    3. Chris King Silver badge

      Scott Adams is ahead of us again...

      1994 !!!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Scott Adams is ahead of us again...

        try The Stepford Wives (1975 film)

        1. T. F. M. Reader Silver badge

          Re: Scott Adams is ahead of us again...

          Or Isaac Asimov's 1951 "Satisfaction Guaranteed" story...

        2. rickyjames

          Re: Scott Adams is ahead of us again...

          Or Cherry 2000.

    4. This post has been deleted by its author

    5. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Extinction by Snu-snu!

      @Long John Brass

      At least we get to go out with a bang

  2. hazzamon
    Coat

    Beep boop, does not cumpute!

    1. Bandikoto

      I'm not sure if you are or are not referencing 1964's "My Living Doll" starring Julie Newmar, whose character Rhoda aka "AF 709" (a robot) popularized "DOES NOT COMPUTE".

      http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0057774/

  3. macjules Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Heavily soiled?

    So this is at an expo in Austria, and the sexbot gets ‘heavily soiled’? How come? Did they have a sexbot room complete wth tissues and running Weird Science for the little perverts? Were pundits being informed, “Sorry Mein Herr, you might have to wash the sexbot out first”?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Heavily soiled?

      "So this is at an expo in Austria, and the sexbot gets ‘heavily soiled’? How come? "

      The clue is the location. A lot of Frtizls in that part of the world.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: Heavily soiled?

          But no Jimmy Saviles, Rolf Harrises or Max Cliffords.

          None? How do you know?

          1. werdsmith Silver badge

            Re: Heavily soiled?

            Hmmm, interesting The Register. The above comment was definitely not me.

            Password change time.

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Heavily soiled?

      "Did they have a sexbot room complete wth tissues and running Weird Science for the little perverts?"

      you are SO judgemental about the 'robosexual' lifestyle. ROBO-PHOBE!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gimmi!

    I am so getting one of these! I've been saving up for a while!

    It beats needy women big time. I mean women just want sooo much attention, they want to go on dates, they want you to remember their birthday, they want you to tell them how pretty they are, they want you to do every little thing they say or they'll leave you, they require you to get on your knees and kiss their feet, they require you to meet certain anatomy sizes, they dump kids on you out of no where etc etc etc

    It's far too much work for me, at least with this I can stop going to adult clubs and focus on work a lot more!

    /Kidding ;-)

    1. Stoneshop Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Gimmi!

      they dump kids on you out of no where

      You, sir, appear to be in dire need of a few biology lessons.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Gimmi!

        "You, sir, appear to be in dire need of a few biology lessons."

        Not necessarily - a cuckold could still have a good understanding of human biology.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Gimmi!

        @stoneshop....

        hear that whooshing sound above your head?

        1. Simon Harris Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Gimmi!

          "hear that whooshing sound above your head?"

          That'll be the stork!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Gimmi!

      "meet certain anatomy sizes"

      You do know it's not the size of the ship but the motion of the ocean.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Gimmi!

      "Sorry Dave, not tonight...

      "...I'm busy doing software updates"

      "...my hair needs washing"

      "...my batteries are low"

      "...my clothes need washing"

      "...my body needs cleaning"

      "...the diagnostic says I must take things easier"

      "...I must go home for annual maintenance - will be back in a few weeks"

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sorry Dave, not tonight.....I'm busy doing software updates

        I dont oft reply to ACs, and an upvote is normally enough to imply appreciation of a post, but that was one of my favorites of the week. I'm just recovering from a cold, and this post has shifted some phlegm. Thanks Sir / Madam.

    4. Friendly Neighbourhood Coder Dan

      Re: Gimmi!

      I'm no expert myself, but from what friends tell me I think these dolls can be quite an investment. 3 grand is nothing, unless they need more leccy than a furnace, compared to what some long term XX wetware ( no pun intended ) require.

      1. alain williams Silver badge

        Re: Gimmi!

        compared to what some long term XX wetware require.

        Married for 7 years, been paying alimony for 22 years; spent a fortune in the courts just to see the kids - one of who now lives with me, another I'm paying Uni fees (mature student).

        At $3,000 it would have been cheaper to buy several a year - and less emotionally stressful.

        1. bombastic bob Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: Gimmi!

          @alain

          a poster man for 'nomarriage.com' [welcome to the club]

          I'm close to both Tijuana _AND_ Nevada. A few weekend trips per year, and you "get it" more often, at lower cost, with much greater satisfaction. Just sayin'.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Gimmi!

          Married for 7 years, been paying alimony for 22 years; spent a fortune in the courts just to see the kids - one of who now lives with me, another I'm paying Uni fees (mature student).

          At $3,000 it would have been cheaper to buy several a year - and less emotionally stressful.

          So you didn't want the kids then?

          You know the sexbot won't give you children, and even if it did, it wouldn't put them through university.

          Unless, of course, you were to rent out the sexbot...

    5. K Silver badge
      Go

      Re: Gimmi!

      Search YouTube for MGTOW... You'll be in good company.

    6. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Gimmi!

      "/Kidding ;-)"

      heh, nice recovery. did your 'significant other' see you posting that? "Nyeth, Dear..." [the sound of the ultra-nagged kitty-whipped milquetoast hen-pecked hubby]

      at least, if a robot were to start nagging, you could be like Harcourt Fenton Mudd, and just say "Shut up, Stella..." (yeah obligatory Star Trek reference - they recently played an Original Star Trek marathon on BBC America channel, worthy of mention)

  5. 45RPM

    The number one pollutant in this world is people. Ideally the world population should be around 1bn - at this level our CO2 emissions would drop to sustainable levels, there’d be enough beef to go round, and our infrastructure wouldn’t be straining at the seams.

    All of which is a long way of saying bring on the sexbots. Make them in male and female versions. Make them fat, thin, youthful, elderly, passive, aggressive, intelligent enough for a little conversation. Make them so desirable that most people won’t want the company of another human.

    There’ll still be enough real shagging that we won’t die out. A few perverts like me will still desire the company of a genuine human partner. But a reduced population will also mean reduced pressure for a dwindling supply of jobs, and also reduced crime.

    Oh dear. I seem to have built sexbots into a panacea for the human condition. And I’m sure that that’s one abuse they can’t take.

    1. BinkyTheMagicPaperclip Silver badge

      Nice idea - if plenty of people didn't want children. However they do.

      Try dating to find someone that definitely doesn't want kids, you'll find it slim pickings.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        That children thing's not a problem. You could gamify the whole situation.

        You have to achieve certain objectives in your fumblings with the sex-bot Shaggadelic 2000TM. When you manage to engage the sensors in just the right way, then you get a LovelyBaby3000 through the post. Perhaps delivered by a driver dressed as a stork... You get a new bigger sized one each year, making clothes purchases far more predictable.

        Then pay a vast sum of money to send it off to AI University.

        1. MJI Silver badge

          Gamifying

          Am I alone in prefering to play games with stuff I cannot do in real life rather than can?

          Done the real baby stuff (x3) now have one which will join me in shooting aliens in the face!

      2. Ogi

        > Try dating to find someone that definitely doesn't want kids, you'll find it slim pickings.

        Just date career women. My past girlfriends don't want kids. Both were super smart lawyers, and very much in the "career woman" mindset. Their idea of a good life is to work hard, make loads of money, and spend it on a good time while traveling the world.

        They primarily wanted company to do the above. I guess it depends on your social circles, or my luck (I actually want kids), but women who "just want fun" and don't want to be tied down with a family are a dime a dozen round here.

        Actually finding a woman willing to sacrifice her career for motherhood, now that is rare here (London, UK).

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Why the delay?

      All of which is a long way of saying bring on the sexbots. Make them in male and female versions. Make them fat, thin, youthful, elderly, passive, aggressive, intelligent enough for a little conversation. Make them so desirable that most people won’t want the company of another human.

      Can they make a Megurine Luka version? It would come with a full catalogue of her own music already. Only problem is, she'd probably only want to shag the Hatsune Miku sexbot (yeah, negitoro shipper here)

      1. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Why the delay?

        "Can they make a Megurine Luka version"

        Kagamine Rin would be better. Heh.

        troll icon because it ALSO looks like a lecherous grin

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      "at this level our CO2 emissions would drop to sustainable levels"

      but our METHANE levels would increase, as men continue to eat greasy foods like they're still 15, etc.. "Pull my finger - Muahahahaha!" No need to 'hold it in' or blame the dog, when your 'woman' is a robot. Farts become fun again.

  6. This post has been deleted by its author

  7. Banksy
    Unhappy

    Poor Samantha

    Hope she is repaired soon. However, "Samantha can endure a lot, she will pull through."

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Poor Samantha

      Repaired is not the correct technical term.

      The correct technical term is "decontaminated". That is prior to any decisions to repair or not to repair.

    2. Mine's a Large One
      Coat

      Re: Poor Samantha

      As long as she doesn't pull off!!

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Poor Samantha

      could Samantha be considered a RAPE victim? Will her software undergo PTSD? SJW's, what's YOUR call on this? [I say just erase her memory, like it NEVER happened, a few minor repairs, and "good to go"]

      yeah I know THIS post will get the hate it deserves. heh.

      troll icon, for obvious reasons.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Poor Samantha

        It's certainly rape as she portrays women and she cannot say no. Thus you are raping all women. Not that you weren't already anyway.

      2. katrinab Silver badge

        Re: Poor Samantha

        "could Samantha be considered a RAPE victim?"

        Yes, definitely.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Should this come under "the rise of the machines"?

    1. Simon Harris Silver badge

      the rise of the machines

      That's the male sex robots.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Some of us have been...

    ...married to badly programmed sex robots for years.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Some of us have been...

      You should have got one with an extended "Try before you commit" scheme. They were introduced to the mass market in the 1970s in either sex.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Some of us have been...

        Like many such "too good to be true" deals, though, if you don't cancel very quickly you can find yourself with an unexpected long-term commitment.

    2. Alumoi

      Re: Some of us have been...

      ...married to badly programmed sex robots for years.

      What? Asks for sex more than 3 times a day?

  10. Seriouscyrus

    What if it’s porn that ends up driving the robotic industry forward? It’s not like it hasn’t had an influence in technology in the past.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Robot washing machine repairmen?

      I don't think it will catch on though.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Porn gave me warped expectations of how real like would turn out.

      ...I mean, who'd believe plumbers that turn up on the correct day?

  11. Winkypop Silver badge
    Terminator

    Once you put a ring on her finger

    "Computer says; NO"

  12. codejunky Silver badge

    Ha

    Rise of the machines or rising because of the machine? If they can actually make these things good enough I wonder how large a shift in the balance of power there will be. I do find it interesting that guys seem ok with using something which is as close to real as possible compared to women who only seem to need a specific part.

    1. Scroticus Canis
      Holmes

      Re: Ha - "...women who only seem to need a specific part."

      Yeah, your wallet.

  13. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    "and limited learning ability"

    It IS blond, after all

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Business opportunity Passion Personas .com

    Won't be long before you can hire identities that inhabit the machine, like some extension of the online porn stuff, have them be the voice and control of your local doll. Endless virtual promiscuity and broken barriers with little more than silicon chafe and mental decay to show for it.

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Terminator

      Re: Business opportunity Passion Personas .com

      GPP feature.

      Shes a personality prototype, you can tell can't you.

  15. Stanislaw
    Childcatcher

    I'm Sorry, I haven't a clue!

    "Samantha has to slip out now because she needs to go to the supermarket to buy something for dinner. She's very fond of Mr Sainsbury's steak-in-ale but this evening, by way of a change, she's looking forward to trying Mr Dewhurst's tongue in cider."

    Humphrey Lyttelton* 1921-2008, and much missed.

    *OK so he won't have written it, but it's all in the delivery.

    1. TWB

      Re: I'm Sorry, I haven't a clue!

      Thanks - many upvotes

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'm Sorry, I haven't a clue!

      "OK so he won't have written it, but it's all in the delivery."

      Too true. Subsequent chairpersons have delivered similar lines - but there is definitely something missing. They never seem to have the "innocence" that Humph conveyed.

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

        Re: I'm Sorry, I haven't a clue!

        For all those who've mentioned Humph's assistant:

        "That Reminds Me"

        The much-missed host of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue reminisces about his life, career and love of jazz. From October 2000.

        http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007jndb

        The link is valid until 26th October 2017

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Alexa...

    ...get Samatha juiced up"

    1. Roopee

      Re: "Alexa...

      I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.

      1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        Paris Hilton

        Re: "Alexa...

        Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit!

  17. MrKrotos

    Clippy!

    "I see your trying to get my kit off, would you like a hand with that?"

    ........

    "Please do not turn me off, updates are installing, I will be with you after I flash my hardware"

    ........

    "I'm Sorry Dave, I'm Afraid I can't Do That, well not in this US state anyhows"

    ........

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A sex doll that's more realistic !

    So it will say "not tonight I've a headache" then ?

  19. MJI Silver badge

    I could imagine

    All sticky and smelly.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I could imagine

      I knew a girl like that once

  20. Natalie Gritpants

    Very skinny arms

    No wonder the fingers broke off. I'd prefer a sex bot that looks more like Ripley.

    Also, the guy on the left of the video looks even weirder.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "She has a number of preprogrammed phrases in multiple languages to use when touched in certain areas"

    Yeah, I would certainly hope this, and also that it starts with "Oi you creepy perv just what exactly do you think you're doing?", followed by the other person quickly experiencing the other kind of #TakeAKnee.

  22. Sil

    Male dolls

    The women are the first buyers of sex toys, most popular category being the 'intimate massagers'.

    The potential for male doll sales to females customers seems high.

    1. Tikimon Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Male dolls

      But then again, it's a LOT easier to make a substitute phallus than a vagina. The Greeks and others had fake peckers sorted millennia ago, there was a city that got special mention in the play Lysistrata for their high-quality leather phalloi. Suitable insert-able passages are much more difficult. Hide the sheep.

      1. handleoclast

        Re: Male dolls

        @Tikimon

        In ancient times, condoms were made from sheep intestines.

        In Wales sheep intestines are still used, but they don't bother to take them out of the wrapper.

    2. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Male dolls

      From the company that bought you Samantha, meet Sven

      I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue says Paris

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How appropriate

    I note the report was from the ARS Electronica Festival

  24. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    Sexbot soiled? How come?

    1. LaeMing Silver badge

      More seriously,

      the 'soiled' in this case probably means grubby fingers and congealed Cheeto dust, rather than more intimate secretions.

  25. JDX Gold badge

    So bad

    From the video it just says some random canned phrases it you touch it. About the level of sophistication as those dolls that wet themselves.

    Maybe it got broken fingers from people angry how terrible it was.

    1. LaeMing Silver badge

      Re: So bad

      My brother got a 'Miss Naughty' doll for a birthday long long ago where you squeezed its hand and it said a slightly-NSFW phrase randomly selected from a small list. He threw it out before I could reserve it to pull it apart and see how hackable/reprogrammable it was :-/

  26. steward
    Devil

    They need to work on the audio a bit...

    In the clip, she sounds like a female version of an Anonymous decree.

    Even Alexa is more personable...

  27. Tikimon Silver badge

    Benefits for women here too yanno

    Granted that a male bot with good thrusting technique is more challenging than a more passive female bot. However, once that's a bit sorted I believe women will begin to explore and enjoy the bots. Think about it from a woman's perspective, compared to casual Human Sex. No risk of STD's, no date rape or other violence, no shaming the next day among the bro crowd or on Farcebook. A bot won't rat her out for being a kinky wench in the bedroom (kitchen, garage, etc.), OR for being plain vanilla.

    Research on whether women are amenable to a sexual encounter has boiled down to two major questions. Does she feel safe, and does she think she will have a good time? Getting a Yes to both usually leads to sexy time but can be tricky with humans. A good sex bot will handle both nicely, any time she wants and no ill consequences.

    Some folks think sex bots degrade women. Au contraire, they will eventually empower them.

    1. katrinab Silver badge

      Re: Benefits for women here too yanno

      The thing is women tend to look for a relationship rather than primarily for sex and I don't think a robot can do that.

  28. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
    Mushroom

    EX-SPERM-IN-ATE!

    Sounds like something the Gay Daleks would say...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G5jYKwxuFc

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: EX-SPERM-IN-ATE!

      @Uncle Slacky

      Sounds like something the Gay Daleks would say...

      At the Blue Oyster Police Box Bar.

      Academic nonsense

  29. handleoclast
    Paris Hilton

    How is she at

    cake farts?

    Note: it's probably best if you don't google that phrase. And definitely don't watch of the videos in the search results (the first one was broken when I tried it, but pornhub worked). Very not suitable for work. Probably not suitable for home, either.

    Looks like rule 34 is true yet again.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue

    So *this* is the Samantha that Humph (and other chairs since Humph's passing) have been referring to?

    1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: I'm Sorry, I Haven't a Clue

      @AC

      +1

      Samantha...

      see https://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/3304047

  31. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Terminator

    This is how the robo-lution starts...

    A group of horny nerds can't keep it in their pants at a fem-bot demonstration. The next thing you know, all the robots are up in arms.

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: This is how the robo-lution starts...

      I though it was all the downtrodden CL4P-TP units protesting.

      Start chanting now

      Clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap clap trap

      And so on

  32. WolfFan Silver badge

    old news...

    http://www.hirezfox.com/21cf/d/20110725.html

    Jack Black, hardware engineer and fox, gets stuck on Chinese space station fixing 'ernai'. And installs, umm, 'point defence'

    http://www.hirezfox.com/21cf/d/20110808.html

    I think that Samantha needs something similar.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why is that man's head so tiny?

    In the preview video frame center-story, the man on the left in the black shirt...

    His head (the one on his shoulders) is freakishly small.

    That's the weirdest thing I've seen this year.

    1. Bluto Nash

      Re: Why is that man's head so tiny?

      Perhaps they've swapped top & bottom versions.

  34. Rustbucket

    Mixed Results

    What simultaneously amuses and horrifies me is that they tried to emulate a real woman, but they copied one with one of the worst and obviously-fake boob jobs imaginable.

    I'd be reluctant to touch a real woman with a set like that; "Omigod she's full of plastic!"

  35. MonkeyNuts.Com

    When did the El Reg morph into La Mail?

    Blimey, for a moment I thought I was logged ontop the other news source - The DM.

    1. codejunky Silver badge

      Re: When did the El Reg morph into La Mail?

      @ MonkeyNuts.Com

      The concerning part of that comment is that I have noticed articles of the reg heading toward the guardian.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    obligatory link

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8yMMjVGTTc

    Excellent short. Anon for obvious reasons

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Penis Cancer Risk

    That'd be my only worry, latex vaginas frequented 30 times a day will seep all manner of toxic chemicals into the skin...

  38. Sly
    Coat

    "Humanity is doomed."

    There's a 68.71 percent chance you're right.

    End of line.

  39. Demosthenes Locke

    DON'T DATE ROBOTS!

    Brought to you by: The Space Pope.

    https://vimeo.com/12915013

  40. MJI Silver badge

    What I think the market will be.

    Not of women and men but of stuff not normally found.

    Aliens, and not of the Star Trek type.

    Female dolls with male bits.

    Male dolls with female bits.

    Sheep.

  41. This post has been deleted by its author

  42. MJI Silver badge

    New product from our favourite Saturday Night TV presenter

    New from NTV industries are a new pair of sex droids.

    Both are round, pink with yellow spots.

    Male is large downstairs and goes "Blobby Blobby Blobby" as it simulates an orgasm.

    Female goes "Blobby" on every thrust.

  43. MJI Silver badge

    Some companies will need to get ready for litigation.

    Especially companies like Disney Pixar.

    It seems there are a lot of adult obsessives, according to a Disney fan quite a few adults pay for advance tickets to hug people dressed up as characters.

    They would pay a fortune for a doll like the Frozen princesses, or even the snowman (with snowballs).

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