back to article Microsoft gives all staff a marked-up 'Employee Edition' of Satya Nadella's new book

Microsoft has created a special “Employee Edition” of CEO Satya Nadella's new book, Hit Refresh – and The Register understands every full-time worker at the software giant will find one on their desks. A copy seen by El Reg replaces some text from the edition ordinary folks can buy. Hit Refresh gets an added “FN+F5,” …

  1. frank ly Silver badge
    Happy

    Entertainment

    “The quest to rediscover Microsoft's soul”

    I'll sit back and wait for the comments.

    1. Adam Jarvis

      An 'Employee Edition' of Satya Nadella's Book...

      I bet that went down well with the Windows 10 Mobile Team, an abridged ebook for them maybe?

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: An 'Employee Edition' of Satya Nadella's Book...

        Hopefully not as a PDF.

        Microsoft removes PDF Reader on Windows 10 Mobile from July 1, forces you to use Edge

        1. Michael Habel Silver badge

          Re: An 'Employee Edition' of Satya Nadella's Book...

          For Christ why!?

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: An 'Employee Edition' of Satya Nadella's Book...

          Might as well remove Windows 10 Mobile completely.

          This is like rearranging deck chairs on a sinking Titanic.

    2. Nick Ryan Silver badge
      Stop

      Re: Entertainment

      It's a short quest. :)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Entertainment

      I remember once upon a time, the Microsoft operating system was freely distributed, no need for licensing, activation and all that stuff.

      Once the charity died, the soul died too.

  2. deadlockvictim Silver badge

    Azure. A Cloud for all.

    Azure. A remote server that you have to pay monthly for.

    Because we all like renting.

    1. Mage Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Azure. A Cloud for all.

      With rain.

      Hence the logo that looks like a tent.

      There is "no silver lining" to computer clouds.

      I'll get my waterproof jacket.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Azure. A Cloud for all.

        "Hence the logo that looks like a tent."

        My impression was of a sail boat. It doesn't associate with MS, cloud or Azure in my mind at all. But then all the "best" (ie expensively acquired via world leading consultants and designers) have to be explained because they are never obvious.

      2. Captain DaFt

        Re: Azure. A Cloud for all.

        Hence the logo that looks like a tent.

        Looks like a broken 'A' to me, and if even the logo is broken... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    2. Captain DaFt

      Re: Azure. A Cloud for all.

      Azure. A remote server that you have to pay monthly for.

      Because we all like renting.

      About that:

      - Microsoft said the new logo “is a bit more abstract, and it doesn’t include a cloud in it anymore. -

      Hell, it's down so much, they don't even include it in the logo anymore! ☺

  3. jake Silver badge

    That's one way ...

    ... to more than double book sales.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: That's one way ...

      Bound to have purchased them in bulk too via Amazon, to get the book to the top of Amazon's Bestseller Charts.

    2. Michael Habel Silver badge

      Re: That's one way ...

      I bet Hillary wished she though of it first...

  4. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    Counting internal copies as "sales"

    Yes that's sounds just like the Microsoft "soul" of old.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ah just the ticket for that wobbly table.

    1. RyokuMas Silver badge
      Joke

      Wobbly table?

      Nerf that - my insomnia's been playing up something rotten these last few weeks, this sounds like a cure!

      1. Teiwaz Silver badge

        Wobbly table?

        Nerf that - my insomnia's been playing up something rotten these last few weeks, this sounds like a cure!

        What? Are you intending to bludgeon yourself unconscious with it?

        For gods sake just don't attempt to actually read it......

      2. Law

        "this sounds like a cure"

        Sometimes the cure is far worse than the condition.... don't do it man!!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ''Progress' eh?

    Microsoft has degenerated into a data mining whore... I guess that's 'progress' in a cloudy era.

  7. BongoJoe
    Paris Hilton

    A, ey?

    That's not an 'A', that's a graphic of a bloke's legs after being shot and has just crumpled to his knees

    Paris icon ----> Because of, of course, on knees...

    1. Esme

      Re: A, ey?

      @BomgoJoe - nah, that's someone doing 'long eared rabbit' in the projector beam in a particulaly dull meetng, 'cause Powerpoint has mercifully died

    2. LDS Silver badge

      Re: A, ey?

      It looks to me like broken Windows...

  8. LDS Silver badge
    Devil

    I hate when business try to turn into religions...

    ... and issue their messianic books.

    Especially since you can't change a company culture with books or other silly initiatives.

    Let's see if in a few years Nadella will write his own version of "What happened"....

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: I hate when business try to turn into religions...

      "Especially since you can't change a company culture with books or other silly initiatives."

      Maybe you can, but not in the way intended. Revulsion isn't a useful addition to company culture.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I hate when business try to turn into religions...

      At least for the case of Steve Jobs, he was a visionary and had a bit of an interesting life story. You would be compelled to read the book.

      SatNad's book seems to be propaganda material from the company's internal corporate communications team. Anyone who has ever worked for a big, hierarchical company definitely has had such material forced upon them.

  9. Nolveys Silver badge

    "The quest to rediscover Microsoft's soul"

    Not again, Bruce Campbell just got rid of that thing.

  10. Sir Awesome

    FN+F5

    If they're calling it FN+F5 internally, does that mean everyone there uses those stupid laptops with the "useful functions" overriding the F buttons? If so, a purchaser somewhere needs a slap.

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: FN+F5

      I'd go a bit further than just a slap when it comes to the designer of these abortions. i.e. the designer that didn't comprehend that having a hibernate/sleep/crash-very-slowly button one accidental press away at all times was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Likely the same designer who put power keys on a normal keyboard as well as sticking prev-page and next-page buttons where they can also be accidently pressed at the least convenient moment.

    2. Updraft102 Silver badge

      Re: FN+F5

      "If they're calling it FN+F5 internally, does that mean everyone there uses those stupid laptops with the "useful functions" overriding the F buttons?"

      Every one I've ever owned or used has been like that. I haven't bought one in several years, but I can say I would have had much more limited choices, at the very least, had I demanded a Fn-less keyboard each time.

      I presume your objection is the presence of the Fn key, since you can simply not use it if you don't find its functions "helpful." If that is the case, you can always buy laptops that have the Ctrl key to the left, which is the main objection I've seen to Fn. My ancient HP laptop has CTRL on the left, which I appreciated, but my current (ish) laptop has it in the "wrong" spot, with the Fn on the left. Even so, I've become accustomed to the CTRL key being the second from the left. Not the order I would have chosen, but it is what it is.

      Compared to other failings that laptops often have these days (16:9 displays, buttonless touchpads, non-removable batteries, soldered components, cases that can't be opened easily for repair, Windows 10, etc.), it's hardly an offense that would call for slapping someone.

      1. Dan 55 Silver badge

        Re: FN+F5

        My laptop has the F key as the main key and the Fn key for selecting those very useful functions, which is nice.

      2. DaLo

        @Updraft102 Re: FN+F5

        @Updraft102

        You've got the wrong end of the stick. The OP was talking about how the F1,F2,F3... keys can only be used by holding down the function key first as without holding it down it just activates the keyboard provider's own non-standardised shortcut. That is the reverse of a normal mode where you can press the F1,F2,F3... keys with one press and you need to use the Fn button to access the shortcuts.

        The OP deduced this by the fact that to 'Hit Refresh' normally just requires hitting the F5 key, but if you have to hit Fn+F5 then it is one of those reversed mode keyboards (and a ridiculous design).

        1. Mage Silver badge
          Boffin

          Re: wrong end of the stick.

          Cunningly the Lenovo I have uses Fn Esc to give either logic! Default is function key is not special.

          An LED shows which way round it is. Stupidly though the dot on 'i' of Thinkpad on lid and inside is an LED yet there is no CapsLock LED. So I set pressing both shift keys together to be Caps Lock and the Capslock to be UNIX Compose and a notification tray for the three missing keyboard state LEDs

          So Lenovo doesn't quite have the keyboard right.

        2. Law

          Re: @Updraft102 FN+F5

          Fn+F5 reduced brightness on my asus too... so guess similar to the Dell layout.

    3. Mage Silver badge

      Re: FN+F5

      On my Lenovo, both on Windows AND Linux, the FN+F5 "reduces screen backlight brightness".

      On my stupid Win 10 Tablet/Netbook it does "reduce audio volume". I've tested Debian on it, but the screen rotation gets touch screen direction wrong.

      This seems very weird.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: FN+F5

        On my Dell it turns off the track pad.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: FN+F5

          "On my Dell it turns off the track pad."

          On my Tosh it switches between internal/external screens. I wonder what the actual intended MS meaning is?

    4. FozzyBear Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: FN+F5

      I read it to mean

      Fuck No + Fuck Off

      Mostly likely my response if handed the book

    5. Flakk Silver badge
  11. Naselus

    Good

    It was about time that they replaced all those surface RTs with a new paperweight design.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And at the same time, not so Good

      But have they no risk management processes in place?

      Books of pompous, self-aggrandising tripe like this are boring beyond any form of scientific measure. Doling them out to the unfortunate employees could be very dangerous. What happens if somebody slips into a coma as a result of reading the drivel for too long? What about the wider impact on employee well-being and mental health? What if the vile, upbeat monotony of the prose trips somebody over the edge and they go postal? What if abandoned copies of the volume create new fire or trip hazards?

      I wonder if Microsoft's employees will be expected to read this, and if so, will that be in working hours, or as paid overtime? Even then, it's pretty degrading, exposing them to the vacuous thoughts of the PHB in chief.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: And at the same time, not so Good

        "it's pretty degrading, exposing them to the vacuous thoughts of the PHB in chief."

        It was an on-stage version of this sort of rubbish that finally lead to a parting with my last permie employer.

  12. Salestard

    Beardy did it first

    Back when I when ntl:Telewest rebranded as Virgin Media, they gave all us a little A5 book on how to be a Virgin (oh, those marketing wags). It was stuffed full of tripe about Virgin values, encouraging employees to be energetic, engaged, and all sorts of words beginning 'en'.

    One page gleefully declared we should hug the colleague next to us.

    Probably worked quite well in the soft, fluffy, and bitchy world of cabin crew... fundamentally less successful when dealing with hairy arsed telecoms engineers whose idea of positive colleague engagement was to not 'accidentally' electrocute the apprentices.

    That one page probably cost us an entire day of engineering, company wide, as the fibre stranglers completely lost the plot.

    1. 's water music Silver badge

      Re: Beardy did it first

      One page gleefully declared we should hug the colleague next to us.

      Well, let me tell you, I found out pretty quickly how much virgin stood behind it's so-called corporate values at the tribunal

      1. Salestard

        Re: Beardy did it first

        Yeah, I heard a lot about that particular house of horrors before I left in 2010.

        However, compared with how IBM UK treated me a few years later, I'd have taken the vacuous big V back in the heartbeat

    2. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: Beardy did it first

      One page gleefully declared we should hug the colleague next to us.

      That would count as inciting sexual harassment these days.

    3. Daniel von Asmuth Bronze badge
      Windows

      Billy did it first

      Bill Gates is the author of two books on IT (the road ahead and business @ the speed of thought) and he was also involved in the development of Microsoft Basic and he invented an improved pancake sort algorithm.

      Do you remember someone called Steve? Jobs? Ballmer? Wozniak!

  13. Updraft102 Silver badge

    "...apparently “we are all 'Change Agents' that need to work to unlock the cloud.”

    Please don't.

  14. Andy E

    Has anyone actually read the book?

    Just wondering if anyone who has commented here on El Reg has actually read the book...

    Its not on my list of things I want to read.

    1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Has anyone actually read the book?

      Good question. Not something I'm planning to spend any money unless it's in the remainder bin (which I anticipate will happen shortly).

      Followed up by "Did you do it voluntarily?"

      An honest Microsoft book might contain chapters titles like.

      "Building the monopoly*" "Keeping the monopoly*" "How we f**ked the USG anti-trust case." "Expect no mercy" and "Everyone is expendable"

      * No actual Microsoft monopoly is implied by this statement.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I believe the correct term for this kind of thing is "corporate masturbation".

    1. PATSYQB

      or.... "corporate circle-jerk"

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All editions of this magnum opus should be printed on quilted paper with easy tear pages.

  17. Paul Woodhouse

    How thick is it?... just wondering how long they'll be able to put off buying Andrex at home now?

  18. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    The Register understands the book is going down quite well inside Microsoft

    To steal a line from Blackadder...the paper it's written on is soft, strong and incredibly absorbent

  19. Teiwaz Silver badge

    Important question overlooked

    Does the book have a checkbox at the back for 'Accept terms and conditions' ?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I can reveal the chapter headings...

    Ch 1 - Remaining humble whilst being great - I don't mind being poorer than Bill Gates, because I have my successes, which are priceless. And all he has is bile and memories and some charity thing that gives pills to peasants.

    Ch 2 - Windows 10 - hotter than a Kardashian, smarter than Paris Hilton, prettier than Simon Cowell, more of a hot dame than Hillary Clinton, more popular than Trump, more stable than Trump. Just. Like the Mona Lisa in software.

    Ch 3 - Getting to know our customers, bit by bit. Byte by byte and document by document, come to think of it.

    Ch 4 - Inspiring a generation - My coffee was a bit cold but I worked on through, only firing two of my PAs and screaming at an intern for 20 minutes. You can do it too.

    Ch 5 - Windows 10 - the more we get wrong, the greater we become. And we are surely great now.

    Ch 6 - Inspiring a generation #2 - people tell me they dream about my grin!

    Ch 7 - Managing diversity in Microsoft - even the idiots get to code here, and I got to be CEO.

    Ch 8 - Listening to your customers when they say the things you want to hear.

    Ch 9 - Windows phone - Idiocracy: how an entire global market can be completely stupid and wrong and buy other phones even when they cost more.

    Ch 10 - Windows phone - how a global developer community who wrote apps for other phones can be as stupid, ugly, smelly and as wrong as it is possible to be. Fools.

    Ch 11 - Raymond Chen - why the hell is he still here? I mean, really! The Old New Thing can kiss my hairy b***sack!

    Ch 12 - Bill Gates, Bill bloody Gates - why the sh*tting buggery are people still talking about him? And that sweaty ape Ballmer. Screw them. Screw them to hell. And Gates' bloody sanctimonious bint of a wife... Oh she got her claws in didn't she? Oh yes. Lean in, my arse.

    Ch 13 - Remaining calm when the idiots surround you.

    Ch 14 - Closing remarks, interrupted by a forced Windows update.

    Ch 15 - Can anyone fix my PC? This doesn't happen on my Mac at home.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: I can reveal the chapter headings...

      Surely all the chapters after 8 are numbered 10.

    2. LDS Silver badge

      Re: I can reveal the chapter headings...

      You forgot the chapter about "Why women should not ask for a raise, and how to use PR to pretend to apologize"

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Does...

    ...he talk about the thousands of people he made redundant and the thousands of jobs he outsourced to India (although I think the outsourced to India jobs had already been done during Balmer's time)

    1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      FAIL

      Re: Does...

      ...the thousands of jobs he outsourced to India

      That would explain a lot about the way Word and Excel [don't] work nowadays.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ebay...

    How long before this shit appears on ebay.

    Quite frankly, slurp has bigger issues than handing out autobiographies of a failing giant.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Ebay...

      Each "special" book probably has a unique licence number so if anyone is so dis-loyal as to attempt to sell it, not only will they traced, but both seller and buyer will be sued into oblivion for abuse of the license terms. Or they'll be promoted for showing a shark-like aggressive business acumen.

  23. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    Azure logo

    That looks like a tent...

    ...now we all can wait for the Big Bad Wolf, to come and huff and puff, and blow it down.

  24. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    Cloudless logo

    Microsoft said the new logo " [...] doesn’t include a cloud in it anymore"

    Is this meant to be symbolic of downtime and unavailability?

  25. Wade Burchette
    Joke

    I heard that the last book by Microsoft had the font enlarged so that only one paragraph could fit per page. They were calling the 'Metro reading style'. Metro reading style worked reasonably well on a small screen, such as a smartphone, but on anything larger it was liked by only a few people, who had nothing but bad things to say about the majority who did not like it.

    And I hear the book by SatNad "listened" to customers complaining about the Metro reading style, and so restored the font back to normal size. But instead of giving us what we want -- a logical, traditional reading style -- the paragraphs are written in strict alphabetical order. Most of us like reading things in a natural logical progression just like we like our start menu to be a natural logical hierarchy. But remember, the new Microsoft really cares about our feedback, which is why the book has many paragraphs per page again. But Microsoft also knows better than us, so they know we don't really want a traditional reading style, but the one they give to us.

    1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Perhaps the book has a whole chapter, explaining why the exact same OS and UI is the optimum solution for desktop, laptop, tablet, cellphone and automobile.

      I'd love to read it, purely because I can't imagine how anyone could possibly justify that logic.

      1. mics39
        Paris Hilton

        Across top half of every page is a nice decorative ribbon. Isn’t he so thoughtful?

        Paris I hope is fan of ribbons.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Azure logo gets a D or F in Klingon

    Having recently brewed coffee at the office (and tagged it with "Coffee" in Klingon for fun), I noticed that the Azure logo looks strikingly like the "F" in the Mandel Klingon character set, or "D" in the (evidently more forgiving) pIqaD_KLIpIqaD character set. Either way, not a great mark.

    Although perhaps http://gradha.sdf-eu.org/textos/klingon_programmer.en.html has it right:

    What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.

    Sounds like Windows 10, all right.

    Anon because otherwise the Trek-geek label would stick forever.

  27. handleoclast Silver badge

    Chairman Mousey Dung

    At least his red book was little.

    OK, you had to read and memorize it, and repeat passages verbatim from memory, and pretend it was wonderful or you'd get shot, but at least it was little.

    What's the betting the Micropeons have to carry this piece of drivel around everywhere they go and gush over it at the water cooler?

    1. Chemical Bob

      Re: Chairman Mousey Dung

      That was the first thing I thought of, too. Although SatNad's drivel may well end up being a big unread book...

  28. This post has been deleted by its author

  29. Tom Paine Silver badge
    Devil

    Manic Street Preachers and Microsoft

    (Context for overseas readers: the Manic Street Preachers are a very successful stadium rock band from Wales with famously Trotskyite politics.)

    The title track and closer of the Manics' second album, Gold Against the Soul, starts with the line:

    Somebody told me to vote Conservative...

    -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-HSjtwmbeI

    ... sung rather expressively, with a nice mix of disbelief, hatred & contempt.

    Now a few days ago, after yet another rant about the nightmare hellhole I'm currently berthed, someone I know on Fb outed themselves as a MIcrosoft employee and suggested I consider joining them, as they're hiring people in all sorts of security-related roles.

    I thanked him kindly for the well-intentioned thought and mumbled something about not really fitting in in huge megacorps -- which is perfectly true -- but in truth, my reaction was rather like the Manics'. I suppose you think I should buy an Audi and some comfy fleeces, too? Join the PTA and the Freemasons?

    DO. ME. A. FAVOUR.

    the fact is that I got started in IT in the 90s, and the founding tenet of everything I've learned since then was and remains that Microsoft, however smiley and cuddly the face, are hiding the face of hell: that they are an emissary of Beelzebub, vomited onto the corporate and computing landscape for not other reason but to fuck shit up.

    Now I realise they've come a long way since I grabbed that screenshot of an interim ruling in the antirtrust case saying that the company should be broken up. The technical quality, in security especially, has improved enormously since then. But their DNA remains the same: steal an external idea. co-opt it, hideously mangle the syntax (Powershell? Are you fucking KIDDING me?! It makes Java look clean and efficient! And don't get me started on Active Directory...) and above all slap on the most disengenuous, slimy yet droolproof marketing front and pitch it as the greatest thing since sliced bread.

    In summary: no, no, no!

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Manic Street Preachers and Microsoft

      Microsoft, however smiley and cuddly the face, are hiding the face of hell: that they are an emissary of Beelzebub, vomited onto the corporate and computing landscape

      So, not a fan then?

      I have, in my small humble corner of the computing world, a slight reputation for not liking Microsoft stuff.

      But it appears that my small flame of dislike is as nothing to the solar-mass of burning hydrogen that is your fear and loathing.

      Good work! Keep it up.

    2. handleoclast Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Manic Street Preachers and Microsoft

      Probably the best post of the week.

      Marred only by a terminological error: it's PowerHell.

      Even so, you deserve a pint for that.

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