back to article Quebec takes mature approach to 'grilled cheese' ban

After Caerphilly considering its position, Quebec's French-language watchdog has decided it doesn't give edam about its linguistic ban on using "anglicisms" such as "grilled cheese", a move that has been welcomed as gouda news. A number of English words whose francophone equivalents have never been adopted by québécois folk …

  1. Steven Raith

    This article is just....

    ...is just grating.

    Steven R

    (Sorry)

    1. Semtex451 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: This article is just....

      It stinks

      1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

        Re: This article is just....

        It stinks

        Come on, the old stinker is a classic English cheese, not a Quebecois.

        1. Korev Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: This article is just....

          It's got to be sad that it lacks cheddarbility

          1. TheRealRoland

            Re: This article is just....

            That's some Stilton language used in this article.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This article is just....

      @ Steven Raith

      or is it au gratin.

  2. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    The only one I didn't get...

    The only one I didn't get was "welcomed as gouda news". All the others were delightfully amusing.

    Cheese jokes are always very funny though. My favourite is : what sort of cheese do you use to hide a horse?

    I'll leave it to you lot to provide the correct punchline.

    1. Semtex451 Silver badge

      Re: The only one I didn't get...

      Is it Cock?

      1. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

        Re: The only one I didn't get...

        Can we just agree that it isn't that?

      2. Semtex451 Silver badge

        Re: The only one I didn't get...

        Oh "hide" I thought you said "ride"

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: The only one I didn't get...

      It went whey over your head.

    3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: The only one I didn't get...

      The only one I didn't get was "welcomed as gouda news"

      Especially a Gouda (the cheese *and* the city) is most definately Dutch.

  3. Andrew Moore

    I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

    What’s the best cheese to hide a horse?

    Mascarpone...

    What’s the best cheese to coax a bear out of a tree?

    Camembert...

    What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror?

    Haloumi...

    How did the cheese maker paint his wife?

    He Double Gloucester...

    How do you cross a welsh minefield?

    Caerphilly...

    And what happens if you don’t cross a welsh minefield Caerphilly?

    You get de Brie everywhere...

    1. handleoclast
      Coat

      Re: I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

      Mountain Dieu!

    2. Simon Harris Silver badge

      Re: I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

      Brie-lliant cheese jokes.

      I'm still compte-mplating my reply.

      1. Korev Silver badge
        Pirate

        Re: I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

        Yaaaarg ->

    3. Andrew Moore
      Coat

      Re: I’m not sure I know any cheese puns...

      What cheese comes between Roque Three and Roque Five?

      Okay, now I'm done...

  4. The Count
    Happy

    If even the Canadians can do it

    Then surely the British can learn to stop saying cheese toasty.Its grilled cheese damn it!

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: If even the Canadians can do it

      A cheese toasty is different from toasted cheese, grilled cheese, cheese on toast or Welsh Rarebit. I think. I'm pretty sure that if I was asked to do a cheese toasty, I'd do it in a toasted sandwich maker rather than sticking something under the grill.

      1. DuchessofDukeStreet

        Re: If even the Canadians can do it

        Nor is it even a cheese toasty - it is a cheese toastie. And it involves two slices of bread, as TRT rightly points out.

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: If even the Canadians can do it

          Two slices of bread! Of course! So simple. So much less messy.

          That probably explains the Breville ban.

    2. Steve K Silver badge

      Re: If even the Canadians can do it

      Edam it, surely?

    3. Daniel von Asmuth
      Unhappy

      Re: If even the Canadians can do it

      The Dutch call it 'tosti', but they are wrong: it's called a croque-monsieur. The only result will be that the French and Québécois will start speaking different languages, like the Great Britons and United Statesmen.

      1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: If even the Canadians can do it

        Croquet Monsieur usually has ham under the melted cheese (or it has every time I've had one in France), whilst a cheese toastie doesn't (at least a purist one).

        1. hj
          Thumb Up

          Re: If even the Canadians can do it

          Correct, without ham it"s called a croque madame..

          1. Androgynous Cupboard Silver badge

            Re: If even the Canadians can do it

            Croque Madame has an egg, not ham. WIthout either, I presume it's just a Croque....

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: If even the Canadians can do it

              That's quite a load of Croque.

              Now you've made me all hungry again, you b*stards.

      2. MonkeyCee Silver badge

        Re: If even the Canadians can do it

        It's only a tosti if it's served with some mayo or spicy ketchup for you to dip it in. Ideally in a coffee shop :)

    4. Uffish
      Coat

      Re: "chese toasty"

      That should be "toasty cheese" or "cheese toastie" mate but grilled cheese is Welsh Rarebit.

      Oh thanks, it's the one with the takeaway Croque Gallois in the pocket.

  5. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Coat

    Quoi?

    I shrug, gailically and walk out.

  6. kain preacher Silver badge

    This article is cheesy

    1. choleric

      It's use of English is quite stilton.

      1. kain preacher Silver badge

        Your pun is making me blue

  7. ukgnome

    Mild Punning for a Mature audience

    Someone at the register should be given the bishops finger.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Mild Punning for a Mature audience

      or shown the Red (Leicester) card

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Mild Punning for a Mature audience

        ...and Double Gloucester quick, too!

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Mild Punning for a Mature audience

      You're right. This story is a croque monsieur of shit.

      Once they blue right through the puns in the first few lines, everyone was board - and yet there was stiltons left to read. After all the effort, I'm cream-crackered - so I cheddar brie off to bed.

      1. The Nazz Silver badge

        Re: Mild Punning for a Mature audience

        He meant all of it.

    4. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Mild Punning for a Mature audience

      register should be given the bishops finger.

      We don't need no stinking bishop!

  8. W4YBO

    Comfort food!

    Nothing else like a good grilled cheese sandwich for me. Two slices of sourdough, a schmear of freshly made mayonnaise on each slice, and two or three slices of Kraft American cheese (I can't hear you laughing, but I know you are. It's *my* comfort food.) Any more cheese precipitates a detailed beard cleaning. Once butter sizzles in the cast iron pan, center the sandwich in the pool of butter and cook until toasted. Same for the other side.

    I'm taking lunch early!

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: Comfort food!

      I think this may be a depends-what-side-of-The-Pond-you're-on thing, but if you're cooking it in a pan with butter, that's fried and not grilled. A grilled cheese sandwich would be a cheese sandwich that's been cooked under a grill.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Comfort food!

        UK grilled = US broiled

        But all toasted cheese sarnies should be made in a toastie-maker. Hence they'd be croque monsieur's in french, surely?

        Cheese on toast is fine - but one sided. Toasting two bits of bread and slapping cheese between them is always disappointing, better to just have 2 slices of cheese on toast.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Comfort food!

          I know where the grill is but I can't for the life of me find where the cleaner has hidded the broil.

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Comfort food!

          "UK grilled = US broiled"

          And

          US grilled = UK Barbecued :-)

          But, just to confuse us right-pondians, a US grill is also a sort of flat, hotplate where things like eggs and bacon are fried.

          1. Steve the Cynic

            Re: Comfort food!

            "But, just to confuse us right-pondians, a US grill is also a sort of flat, hotplate where things like eggs and bacon are fried."

            Or burgers. In the student cafeteria where (and when) I was at Uni, they could generally coax a four foot high sheet of flame out of a couple of burgers(1) on such a grill. It made ordering lunch a bit more entertaining than you'd normally expect.

            (1) I'm left wondering if that makes them flambéed rather than fried, but no brandy(2) was involved.

            (2) For solid amusement value, watch an expert making Crêpes Suzette, especially if he can hold the pan in one hand and light the brandy without using the other hand and *without* putting the pan down.

          2. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

            Re: Comfort food!

            But, just to confuse us right-pondians, a US grill is also a sort of flat, hotplate where things like eggs and bacon are fried.

            That sounds like what I'd call a griddle.

          3. kain preacher Silver badge

            Re: Comfort food!

            there is a difference between grilling and BBQ here. BBQ takes all day grilling is just putting it on a grill and lighting a match and it's done in an hour or less.

          4. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: Comfort food!

            a US grill is also a sort of flat, hotplate

            Which we[1] usually call a griddle.

            [1] Right-pondians. Or as I prefer to say "on the proper side of the pond."

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Comfort food!

        If I wanted to grill a cheese sandwich, I would just ask it a few difficult questions.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. kain preacher Silver badge

      Re: Comfort food!

      mayo on a grilled cheese sammie ?? You bastard. That's blasphemy.

  9. Pascal Monett Silver badge
    Happy

    Looks like it's party time !

    Rarely has articles been subject to much punning. I almost felt swamped before getting to the end. The surprise was great in any case.

    Well done !

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They can have grilled cheese but they will never take away my casque du fromage.

  11. chivo243 Silver badge
    Coat

    Help!

    I can Camembert it ;-}

    Yes, my coat with the Limburger cheese in the pocket...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This article contains whey more puns than I expected.

    1. Semtex451 Silver badge

      This article contains dairy and is produced in a factory where nuts work

  13. dbastianello

    Now lets see if they allow...

    I remember reading a few years ago how to fined an Italian restaurant for daring to use the word pasta... you know like everyone else on the planet even the french in France....

    Let see if it is okay to say pasta instead of Pâtes... hey maybe they should have done what Starbucks did and call them self "Le Starbucks". So I guess Le cheese, Le beer, Le thank you is good enough to fool them why legitimize those evil non-French words... or should I say Quebecois, since if you know that culture you know they have a hate on for France french.

  14. Alistair Silver badge
    Coat

    One has to understand Canadian Cheddar to truly grasp the curd here. Mes amis quebecois have been positively military in their defence of bad french. Croque monsieur would not have been unacceptable to them, but if one used the english term grilled cheese they came up with that abomination in french. But most modern quebecois still ask for fries with their grilled cheese and beer.

    And sorry, done properly one uses a stainless steel pan, low heat and one butters both sides of the bread, NOT the pan, two 1/8" thick slices of *real* cheddar and some cracked black pepper.

    And who in the name of ${FOODEITY} contaminates a good cheddar with eggs and oil?

    If its put on a press and squashed you've killed the wonder of the chrunch/mush/goosh combination.

    Now, grilled cheese, poutine and beer on the deck. Sounds like a wonderful lunch break.

    1. Semtex451 Silver badge
      Pint

      Upvote for "chrunch/mush/goosh combination"

      Its about time for a bacon sarnie article El Reg - it must be days since the last one.

    2. Greg Stovall

      "And sorry, done properly one uses a stainless steel pan, low heat and one butters both sides of the bread, NOT the pan, two 1/8" thick slices of *real* cheddar and some cracked black pepper."

      You got the pan and the butter correct, but CHEDDAR??? Nah. A real grilled cheese is made with AMERICAN... :) Cheddar is only to be used if the American was consumed before next shopping day. My personal favorite is a nice habanero cheese. Brie can do in a pinch, but it's too mild. Deeply aged Bleu Cheese is absolutely wonderful! There is one Bleu Cheese I've had shipped from Ireland that is quite yummy.

      1. kain preacher Silver badge

        I'm a freak I use one slice of cheddar on slice of american.

  15. WireBug

    On behalf of the rest of Canada, I'm sorry!

    Please don't judge us based on Quebec.... *whispers* they're a bit crazy...

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "Please don't judge us based on Quebec.... *whispers* they're a bit crazy..."

      In some cases, they are to the French as certain Boston, Mass people are to the Irish. So ultra patriotic to their heritage that they missed the bit where the "mother country" evolved over time out of the rose-tinted past the ex pats "remember".

      EDIT. I just remembered, a colleague of mine went to Quebec a few years ago. After many misunderstandings, he decided it was easier to speak English. After that, everything went fine. My mate? Yeah, he's French.

      1. phuzz Silver badge

        My flatmate is French, and spent a year in Canada. She agrees that Canadians can't actually speak French. Apparently their accent is atrocious, and as this article demonstrates, they have a habit of inventing new words that even L'Académie française thinks are pointless.

        Mind you, dare I suggest that the French can be a trifle picky over other people's French speaking? After all, we may not like the way the Americans butcher our language, but at least we don't pretend we can't understand them.

        1. nijam

          > at least we don't pretend we can't understand them

          No, we pretend we can understand them.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "On behalf of the rest of Canada, I'm sorry!

      Please don't judge us based on Quebec.... *whispers* they're a bit crazy..."

      ...and not Canadian:-D:-D:-D

      *runs and hides*

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        ...and not Canadian:-D:-D:-D

        "If only" says the rest of Canada..

        1. pPPPP

          I went to Quebec for the first time last year. The thing that amused me was on their stop signs they have "ARRÊT" written across them. Here's an example: https://goo.gl/maps/31ZkfpDJvPL2

          The French? They use "STOP", comme ça: https://goo.gl/maps/4PvBPqyxtH22

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      What?

      But I thought that French Canada was zee best Canada?

      I don't understand, but then again, I've never lived there.

  16. Tikimon Silver badge
    Devil

    In a general observation...

    Whatever the topic, I dearly love to see self-important Guardians Of All That Is Genuine going apeshit trying to prevent changes to living systems from an arbitrary Point In Time. I imagine them on the beach, desperately shoring up the sand castle they built as the uncaring tide overtakes them. Be sure to swim with the current when that last tower falls!

    I tell you Grog, words with more than one sound, they source of evil. One sound each word is good to say what you want. Cave of Barg's Clan make new words with two... sill ab buls they call them. Those words not pure, not True Clan, we no speak. We talk this way for all time!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: In a general observation...

      "I imagine them on the beach, desperately shoring up the sand castle they built as the uncaring tide overtakes them."

      Precisely! The Office québécois de la langue française's rules were already (no doubt) being widely flouted by the unwashed masses.

      Choice A was to do nothing, continuing to be irrelevant and increasingly ignored. Choice B was to 'crack down' on 'violators' until they conform! I believe they've tried that and it don't work so well. At least, it has 'down sides.'

      So they went with Choice C and decriminalized the populace in general. Wise indeed, particularly for a government office. Now they can attempt to hold the remaining trenches, for a while...

    2. Semtex451 Silver badge

      Re: In a general observation...

      Your name con tra dicts you

  17. pyite42

    Grilled Cheese Blues

    A song by the Quebec band Dans l'Shed:

    https://youtu.be/MGQUr7bq2Gg?t=48

    1. Florida1920

      Re: Grilled Cheese Blues

      I thought Yves was playing the opening chords of Psycho Killer (cheese).

  18. Korev Silver badge
    Coat

    I came here for the puns....

    ...and you guys didn't disappoint halloumi....

  19. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Happy

    Oh c'mon now

    You lot are really milking this.

    Could even say you're churning it up.

  20. This post has been deleted by its author

  21. fruitoftheloon
    Happy

    I am not making this up

    One of the reasons we moved to our little thatched cottage in Devon is that our village has a cheese factory AND four pubs!!!

    Proof that there is a god, and she is fabulous!

    Jay

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    CHEESES CRUST! What a load of...

    Smegma.

  23. Nickckk

    Fromage Correspondent ...

    Should be signed From age correspondent in Mapleland

  24. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge
    Unhappy

    Whey back in time

    I used to frequent a pub where they sold cheese toasties with added celery salt. They were yummy! Apparently you can still buy this stuff but I don't know where.

  25. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    You unutterable BASTARDS!

    All of you!

    I am now HUNGRY!!

  26. Jtom

    The article plus the comments managed to turn cheese puns into a cottage industry.

  27. kain preacher Silver badge

    Hey how come no one mentioned a bacon grilled cheese sandwich ? It's t he food fo the gods.

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