back to article El Reg is hiring an intern. Apply now before it closes

Are you pondering a career in technology journalism? We've got good news for you in that case – El Reg is hiring an intern to work on our London newsdesk. Our official advertisement, as approved by the finest minds in Vulture Central, is as follows... The Register, one of Europe’s largest tech publications, is hiring an …

  1. Alister Silver badge

    Is there any chance that the successful applicant could proofread an article or two, as part of their duties?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      successful applicant could proofread and decode a man from mars 1 post.

      1. Alister Silver badge

        Cruel and unusual punishment, that!

        1. kain preacher Silver badge

          What , if you can decode a man from mars you can handle any task El reg tosses out you. Could be worse. The interim could be forced to moderate post. Think Eadon

          1. DougS Silver badge

            If you can decode amanfromMars 1's posts you have a golden ticket for a job at GCHQ, NSA, or any security company you care to name. Decryption at that level is a skill highly in demand!

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              I've been told those are encrypted messages for mossad agents.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                PosthumOUROUS atTEMPS to reALign purposeful non-dualistic statements that question meanings, AC. Edit/CUT/PASTE derails direction and censors rEaL thoughts.

  2. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    the chance to read BOFH before we publish it

    Sign me up now!

    1. A K Stiles
      Coat

      Re: the chance to read BOFH before we publish it

      Oh, does that mean we might actually get another BOFH story this side of Christmas? </snark>

    2. Danny 14 Silver badge

      Re: the chance to read BOFH before we publish it

      yeah but can to make decent coffee? how is your punkawalla skills in the summer? what is you attitude to being blamed for absolutely everything? can you take all th cold sales calls and fob them off?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    cheese and biscuits

    Just so we are clear is this what you mean?

    http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03216/cheese-and-biscuit_3216951b.jpg

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: cheese and biscuits

      Why are they offering beer, if they're also offering cheese and biccies?

      Surely the correct drink with those is port.

      Unless they aren't using "the odd pint" in the normal colloquial sense, but actually mean "pint of port". In which case, I highly approve! This should be made a new Reg Standard immediately!

  4. John G Imrie Silver badge

    The odd pint

    So that will be Old Peculier then,

    Dam it if I was 30 years younger I'd still be to old for this.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The odd pint

      Dam it if I was 30 years younger I'd still be to old for this.

      Apply, and if you're not offered it, sue for discrimination on the grounds of age.

  5. bigphil9009

    The Spectator magazine ran a "blind recruitment" exercise for their recent internship which resulted in a 47 year-old mother of three getting the position who when interviewed on Radio 4 sounded like a pretty damn good recruit (and as a bonus, the Spectator got plenty of free, positive, publicity). Any chance of you guys doing something similar? Or are you just looking for a young 'un, and damn the Equality Act 2010? ;-)

    1. Warm Braw Silver badge

      It probably counts as cruelty to subject an enthusiastic PFY to the cynical, curmudgeonly gloom of Register Towers. It might even be worth joining Facebook to see the pictures before and after...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      > The Spectator magazine ran a "blind recruitment" exercise for their recent internship

      We're not recruiting interns yet but when we do it will actually be blind recruiting. Our online form does not even ask your name and encourages you to use a disposable email address. I insist that we do not need or want to know anything that is irrelevant to the job itself, plus it really simplifies data protection compliance since we have no idea who you are anyway. :-)

  6. Tronald Dump
    Pint

    Is there Fondue?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Is there Fondue?

      Very apt. Considering the only ones applying will have to have that respectable bank account of 'Mom and Dad' on hand to aid their credit reference agency status, even just in terms of getting to work on £9.15 an hour, let alone finding somewhere to live.

      I'm assuming a Chelsea bedsit isn't included.

      So it's more a sleeping bag and El Reg thick fleece, in terms of freebies, to make do this Winter, aka. Theresa May's non-existent heart strings, in terms of style.

      A Comp-Sci degree and you're paying £9.15 an hour?

      Essential Requirements.

      "Chelsea Flower Show" types, rather than "Notting Hill Carnival". (even though they'd probably understand the ramifications of targeted Facial Recognition Cameras used by the MET being pointed at them far better, first hand)

      Posh accent with a Fondue set at home, preferred.

      FFS El Reg, please respect your readers too.

      1. Naselus

        Re: Is there Fondue?

        "A Comp-Sci degree and you're paying £9.15 an hour?"

        They did also say an English degree would do, so as long as they're offering more than McDonald's they're probably ahead of the competition.

        1. d3vy Silver badge

          Re: Is there Fondue?

          ""A Comp-Sci degree and you're paying £9.15 an hour?"

          Yes, it's an internship, typically used by the inexperienced to gain real world working experience in an industry before moving into better paid employment later.

          Long gone are the days where a degree automatically got you a well paid job... Proven industry experience is way more valuable.

        2. Tim Worstal

          Re: Is there Fondue?

          They're offering some £9.15 an hour more than most of the media competition.....

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Is there Fondue?

          "A Comp-Sci degree and you're paying £9.15 an hour?"

          Given how crap most Comp-Sci graduates are nowadays, £9.15 is around £6 too much.

      2. macjules Silver badge

        Re: Is there Fondue?

        No fondue, but you do get to study journalism under Alistair Dabbs. Well, "get coffee and lunch".

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Duties will also involve calming down Kieren McCarthy when he gets triggered.

    1. Adam 1 Silver badge

      K. McCarthy goes ballistic. Intern's skills atrocious!

  8. Unep Eurobats
    Happy

    De-clunkify

    Thank you, this has embiggened my list of cromulent neologisms.

    1. frank ly Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: De-clunkify

      Well done, you've got the job!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

    Yo bae intern!

    Yo! Whatsup!

    Yo! Here at El Reg, a sick site in black and white for the kidz!

    We be hiring!

    Yo! Bring it down! We be hiring a sick intern. She be man, or he be woman. Or it be trans-gendah!

    Bish bosh don't worry about the dosh...

    You'll get paid, enough to get laid

    Enough for tha drugz - but don't be a mug.

    (But not enough for an iPhone X. Only Kieren can afford one of those - rich parents, trust fund, you know...)

    You be good with the words, literally you'll be typing in shit,

    It'll be like long tweets and instagram, LOL.

    You be good with the numbers - LOL - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - capitalism is a modern day whore!

    You be sick with technology; go argos! Y'know what I'm saying...?

    And you be making the brew'

    Brew dog, bring a log, watch the bog, bang the frog.

    (Mine's two sugars and just a touch of Daylesford Organic semi-skimmed milk. Kieren drinks a wet chai infusion with two drops of organic goats essence.)

    You gotz to have the sick humour. So no Jimmy Saville but lots of Victoria Wood!

    Be 4 Clinton not 4 Trump. Be 4 Cook and be 4 Jobs.

    An B2B duz not mean Bed 2 Bed! We ain't no shagging air BnB shit, you gotzzz ta know what it means. And html tags! Yo bold, italian, <blink>182!</blink> and the rest of the hot tag mess.

    Get down bae intern <3.

    Get down! :-)

    GET DOWN! ;-(

    Oooooow! \o/

    The internship will start in October. After all the festivals finish, and mum's cleared the mud of your wellies.

    Peace and rollin'

    And for God's sake polish your shoes, and wear a tie. And don't bring your parents. Jesus.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

      Americans.....

    2. tin 2

      Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

      Yo?

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

        All I can glean from that is I'm definitely not the intended audience.

    3. Just Enough

      Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

      " <blink>182!</blink>"

      A Blink 182 reference? Blink 182!? lol, wtf, are they still alive?

      Stop trying to talk like a teenager, grandpa. It's hella embarrassing.

      1. d3vy Silver badge

        Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

        "Stop trying to talk like a teenager, grandpa. It's hella embarrassing"

        Yeah, you should prolly stop too.

        1. m-k

          Re: "Stop trying to talk like a teenager, grandpa. It's hella embarrassing"

          methinks "embarrassing" is way too (2) long for the current gen(eration). Don't they just say "oh, FO!"?

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

      Is that you, Andrew O?

    5. Law

      Re: I've made a few tweaks to the copy so the intended audience will understand

      But will there be hella noms, lots of dranks and the best beats?

  10. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    If I were 30yrs younger

    I'd probably apply in a shot.

    But you don't want an old codger with a lifelong interest in technology and in recent years, renewables and has the temerity to drive a mostly electric car now do you?

    But you don't want someone who does not suffer fools gladly (Government and opposition Mouthpieces especially)

    But you don't want someone who isn't afraid to express an opinion especially after a pint or three.

    So you don't want me.

    Anyway, I'm off for a ride on the bike (pedal powered) and a pint of Harveys (Lewes) Best at lunchtime.

    Yours

    Grumpy old man.

    1. DaLo

      Re: If I were 30yrs younger

      But surely if you have sufficient experience and skills, you could just apply for a real job with them?

      1. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

        Re: you could just apply for a real job with them?

        I have worked almost continuiously since '69. 3 years off for Eng BSc and 1 year with the big 'C'.

        So at the 'Beatles age' (64) I have hung up my coding sheet and debugger because no one really wants an old codger who speaks the truth and will be gone in a year (if the job does not go to India before then like my last one did).

        Would you hire me?

        I thought not.

        and no, even though McD's is building a new obesity outlet almost at the end of my street, I won't even go there let alone want to work there.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: you could just apply for a real job with them?

          "[...] no one really wants an old codger who speaks the truth and will be gone in a year [...]"

          You don't have to retire at 65 now - unless you want to have the IT fun without PHBs breathing down your neck wanting a quick bodge. Being your own boss without any paying customers is a nice way to spend your dotage.

        2. Bronek Kozicki Silver badge
          Go

          Re: you could just apply for a real job with them?

          "I thought not."

          It might be worth giving it a shot. For one, I would be interested to read tech articles written by an old curmudgeon like yourself. "Old is new again" etc, that might be not only entertaining but also enlightening.

          Go for it, and who knows?

        3. Naselus

          Re: you could just apply for a real job with them?

          "1 year with the big 'C'."

          Chlamydia?

          1. psychonaut

            A Blink 182 reference

            i miss you

            too.

    2. GingerOne

      Re: If I were 30yrs younger

      @ Steve Davies 3

      Well with an attitude like that.... Don't just assume man! If you want the damn role then apply. Living up to the ageist stereotype of being a miserable old git is not going to help anyone.

  11. Velv Silver badge
    Headmaster

    "access to our watercooler (when there's water in it)"

    So does that mean you don't get access to the watercooler if there is no water? Is this just a workplace policy, or is there a physical access control in place?

    "... our ingenious sub-editors will de-clunkify your prose..."

    1. Nolveys Silver badge
      Windows

      So does that mean you don't get access to the watercooler if there is no water? Is this just a workplace policy, or is there a physical access control in place?

      It's a bait-and-switch and the intern will not initially be given access to the water cooler. Everyone knows that the water coolers at El Reg are only for vodka.

      1. Danny 14 Silver badge

        the access means it is your job to ensure it has water in it.thats also why you have access to the petty cash, to make sure people have coffee and beer.

  12. Ralph the Wonder Llama
    Trollface

    "our ingenious sub-editors will de-clunkify your prose"

    lol - missed that glaring error for a kick-off ;)

  13. CAPS LOCK Silver badge

    Let me make a prediction...

    ... An attractive girl get the 'job'.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Let me make a prediction...

      In true BOFH style.

    2. Sloppy Crapmonster

      Re: Let me make a prediction...

      She'll have to supply her own eeePC and macrame bikini.

  14. Triggerfish

    Want a remote one?

    Live too far away, but will happily let you send me to tech events on this side of the world, it'll save you airfares. :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Want a remote one?

      Can you operate a Teasmaid?

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: Want a remote one?

        Can you operate a Teasmaid?

        Yeah, "make the tea darling", dunno whats so tricky about that.

        They will send you to every apple event that they get invited to.

        Hope it's not a per piece rate then.

      2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Want a remote one?

        "Can you operate a Teasmaid?"

        WHy are you teasing maids?

    2. d3vy Silver badge

      Re: Want a remote one?

      They will send you to every apple event that they get invited to.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

    The Guardian seems to have turned itself over to interns, it's become a mouthpiece for the Only way is Essex. This is a typical article:

    https://www.theguardian.com/music/shortcuts/2017/sep/08/reality-star-megan-mckenna-taylor-swift-only-way-essex

    We have a favour to ask you:

    "Pay up or you get more of this torture from the Guardian".

    I'm pretty sure that would be more effective.

    Alan Rusbridger would probably cry a river, if he realised how fast the paper has managed to dismantle itself, of late.

    El-Reg is the last decent place for mostly intelligent tech articles, please don't say this is the start of the end...like The Guardian. There is already enough braindead DM'shittiness in this World.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

      The Guardian seems to have turned itself over to interns,

      Never to my political tastes, but it certainly used to be a quality newspaper. But a few years ago it suddenly degenerated to become something of a mad, disorganised, rambling global hippy blog.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

        Jessica Valenti's missives were always good for a laugh. Probably not her intention, mind you.

      2. Naselus

        Re: Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

        "Never to my political tastes, but it certainly used to be a quality newspaper."

        The problem is, recently it seems to have given up being to anyone's political tastes. Their core readership turned pretty heavily pro-Corbyn back in 2015, but the paper itself has held out against joining them for as long as possible - not through the fault of the interns, but the 90s-era writers who's every article is a sonnet to the lost days of Tony Blair.

        Regardless of your feelings toward Corbyn, it's frankly no surprise that the paper has hemorrhaged readers when it insists on endlessly castigating their hero, especially after the election result made the doomsayer's predictions seem ludicrous. They might do a lot better to put paid to the tedious musings of Polly Toynbee, Nick Cohen and Suzanne Moore and use the money saved on their monstrous salaries to give the interns full time jobs.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Has El Reg seen what has happened to The Guardian of Late?

      The Telegraph is even worse. It's a shame, as 5 yrs ago one could get both side of any story from either of those papers. They had their bias, but one could compensate for it.

  16. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge
    Happy

    Surely another bonus of the role...

    Surely another bonus of the role would be getting to deal with all of us lovely El Reg community / forum members :-)

    Or... maybe that should be "care in the community" members.

    Or just... members. But I'm not sure if the US contingent would understand that colloquialism.

    1. Anonymous IV

      Re: Surely another bonus of the role...

      > Surely another bonus of the role would be getting to deal with all of us lovely El Reg community / forum members :-)

      But look what happened to the much-missed moderatrix Sarah Bee - she left (over 6½ years ago, I am shocked to note, sob....)

  17. Mystic Megabyte Silver badge
    Boffin

    My first job!

    Change bog-rolls

    Change light bulbs

    Make flasks of coffee and carry them to studios. Then clean up mess of spilt sugar/milk/cigarette butts etc.

    Go to Fortnum and Masons to get client sandwiches.

    Walk to Chinatown at 3a.m. to get a dozen takeaways. (very dodgy in those days due to junkies/vagabonds)

    Deliver tapes to clients (2" tapes are heavy!)

    Set up studio

    Break down studio, empty ash-trays.

    Occasionally get to press the red button!

    Most important lesson learned:

    At 6a.m. when you're the last person in the building after having cleaned up everything, always go down the back of the sofa that's in front of the mixing desk.

    You never know what you might find in there :)

    icon /s

    1. Def Silver badge

      Re: My first job!

      My first job...

      Spend a week learning C while QAing on Powermonger (SNES) and Populous II (Megadrive). Then design some maps for Syndicate, before helping write Theme Park. ;)

      1. Lee D Silver badge

        Re: My first job!

        "Spend a week learning C while QAing on Powermonger (SNES) and Populous II (Megadrive). Then design some maps for Syndicate, before helping write Theme Park. ;)"

        Git.

        1. Joe Harrison Silver badge

          Re: My first job!

          The new boy/girl traditionally gets sent to the stores to get a long weight, tin of striped paint, or a left-handed spanner. Not sure what the digital equivalent would be but I am sure El Reg will think of something when the time comes.

          1. Lee D Silver badge

            Re: My first job!

            "Go and get me a copy of Macromedia Flash for the iPad."

            "Plug my 3.5mm headphone cable into my iPhone"

            "Put Siri on my Windows Phone for me."

            "Ask the guy in the store for a USB-C -> iSCSI cable"

            1. Gazareth

              Re: My first job!

              Call MS & order some more GUIDs

              Send them to the sysadmin for a <product name> installation CD.

            2. John H Woods Silver badge

              USB-C -> iSCSI

              USB C -> SATA -> iSCSI

              1. Danny 14 Silver badge

                Re: USB-C -> iSCSI

                the sofa trick is all fun and games till you find the used condoms.

          2. Mark 85 Silver badge

            Re: My first job!

            Not sure what the digital equivalent would be but I am sure El Reg will think of something when the time comes.

            A box of bytes?

        2. Korev Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: My first job!

          Wasn't Git first released in 2005?

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'll do it.

    As long as I can wear my y-fronts and vest to the office and you supply the scotch eggs. I like to eat them seductively at lunch time.

    1. Alister Silver badge

      Aaargh!

      Mind bleach required!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Sometimes I like to tease the strap on the y-fronts with my finger, usually after a massive fart,

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "As long as I can wear my y-fronts and vest to the office [...]"

      Overdressed!

  19. ukgnome Silver badge

    WTF

    You pay your interns actually money.

    You let them drink actual water and occasional beer.

    Cheese and biscuits.

    With this pyramid of chocolate balls you are spoiling them.

  20. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Unhappy

    I'd love

    to apply, sadly theres no place for a tired old robot programmer with a liking for turning them into terminators instead of 'place widget A in hole B' type robots

    Plus the fact a season ticket from here to the smoke costs 5K a year

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: I'd love

      "a season ticket from here to the smoke costs 5K a year"

      So you're just inside the M25, then?

    2. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge

      Re: I'd love

      I'd love to apply, but one look at my comment history would bar me.

  21. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Happy

    Sounds like a promotion for me!

    Does El Reg have an onsite yoga instructor?

  22. Herby Silver badge

    "Note that we do not have an IT helpdesk"

    This is probably the smartest thing that you mention. You already have a BOFH in residence, so additional ones really aren't needed.

    Best of luck.

    A bit too far away for me to apply, and I might not fit the proper demographic (50 years and counting being paid for computer work).

    Thankfully BOFH's are not age bound.

    On requirements? Does having a bronze, silver or gold badge count?

  23. Lee D Silver badge

    Cheapskates.

    And though it might be nice to not have a IT helpdesk, maybe it's time you got one so they can do the very things that you moan at everyone else for not doing (you finally got around to SSL, which is nice, but let's be honest that's only because you're using CloudFlare, and I predict we only have a couple more weeks before some Internet registry somewhere runs out of numbers and you're forced to do another IPv6 article telling everyone to move on...)

    It would even be nice to have a "this is what we run" kind of backend article, but I suspect it would either be not very confidence-inspiring or prompt a LOT of discussion along the "WHY!?" route.

    For an IT-focused site, there's a lot of IT stuff about TheReg that we just don't know. And not having an IT helpdesk is one of them. I can only imagine the horrors of a bunch of unmanaged laptops floating around various countries with all TheReg's details, plugged into some horrible mess of an unmanaged network.

    1. gazthejourno (Written by Reg staff)

      Homepage, down the bottom, link titled "Under the hood" ... et voila: Here's all the details of what we run on.

      Note the tech team do not have helldesk duties, because we're nice to them like that. It's effectively BYOD here except the company owns the wide-ranging mix of devices.

      (Someone who shall remain nameless because he's no longer here got all clever and installed Tails on his issue laptop, boasting how smart and security conscious he was. This lasted until the point where he had to email me documents he wanted to print because Tails wouldn't let his machine talk to the office printer, despite much wailing and gnashing of teeth)

      1. Lee D Silver badge

        That's the software. That's the boring bit.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "It would even be nice to have a "this is what we run" kind of backend article, [...]"

      I'm still intrigued about the recent 524 TITSUP. Someone mentioned Twitter twits - but that's another place as far as I'm concerned.

    3. Marco Fontani

      let's be honest that's only because you're using CloudFlare

      The CMS, whitepapers, and other subdomains have been on TLS way before Cloudflare. Neither is on cloudflare currently, either.

      "Real" IPv6 is a clusterfuck I'll delay for as long as I can.

      If you want to ask more, or discuss etc there's always webmaster@ :)

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I am not at all sure the ad is genuine

    it sounds far to nice...You even get cheese, and its paid too? like luring a mouse into its trap...

    It does not sound the grumpy, cynical, and life worn (i.e. real world) outfit that I read articles from.

    It also does not specify thick skin from similarly qualified (i.e. grumpy, cynical, life worn) commentards who have a demonstrable propensity to complain and disagree at almost any position proposed by an article author, and indeed each other...

    Mind you, the intern probably has access to the best helpdesk on the planet, simply write an opinion article on whatever problem you have, and you will have hundreds of responses in the comments, a few of which are likely to be useful. Go us commentards !

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      Re: I am not at all sure the ad is genuine

      You have, of course, spotted the problem. The offer is too good to be true.

      Basically El Reg are desperate to be invited back to Apple press events. They've tried cajolery, bribery, threats and then just waiting. Nothing has worked. So now they're on to the next plan. Human sacrifice! Hence the tempting offers of money, beer and cheese.

      I'm just surprised they didn't do this a few months ago, in order to get into last night's iPhone launch. Perhaps that was the last straw? Which is why they immediately thought of this the day after.

  25. Dom 3

    Paid, eh?

    It's a shame it needs saying. Because unpaid internships are not legal. Or morally acceptable for that matter.

  26. Alistair Silver badge
    Joke

    Internship application

    I have three male offspring. 21 year old has a F/T job and is working on acquiring a social life. 20 year old has a P/T job and HFA, (social/spacial) but is an absolute dictionary on spelling and grammar. 11 Year old can whup anyone's ass in most PS/3 and PS/4 FPS games, but has utterly illegible handwriting. Which one should I pack up and ship over? ( I'm pretty sure I can fold any one of the three into a carton with sufficient air and water for a 3 day express post run on Fedex)

    Myself, I'm too far gone in the cynical, critical, passive-agressive world of corporate politics in the average modern bureaucracy and outsourcing laden enterprise IT business to write anything for publication. Your sub-editors would be overburdened with removing blazing rips against the modern overpaid corporate executives and brain dead venture capitalists that are out there.

    (yes this is *mostly* a joke. well, at least the first paragraph is)

  27. Korev Silver badge
    Holmes

    IT suuport

    Note that we do not have an IT helpdesk; if you normally need help setting up a new laptop, this opportunity may not be for you.

    I'd like to think that a wannabe technology journalist would know enough to be able to setup a laptop...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IT suuport

      I have said it before, and I'll say it again.

      "hope" is generally not considered a strategy position...Its the final mitigation when all other ideas have been squashed by the corporate boot licking and cost cutting, contract stuffing and vendor claims of unicorn piss...

  28. handleoclast Silver badge
    Coat

    Telecommuting

    So how come telecommuting isn't an option?

    1. Florida1920 Silver badge

      Re: Telecommuting

      The intern has to be on site to refill the water cooler.

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Terminator

        Re: Telecommuting

        "The intern has to be on site to refill the water cooler."

        The intern has to be on site to have his brain removed and placed into the water cooler.

        Which he/she will the refill via IoT technothingies.

        Wirelessly*

        Muhahaha.

        I'm onto you, El Reg...

        *Hidden SSID- because security, natch ;) (sic)

  29. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    grizzled (and not-so-grizzled) hacks at Vulture Central

    Does this mean El Reg has in-house grizzling facilities? Or is it outsourced so you have to send the not-so-grizzled ones away to be grizzled?

    Yes, I am finding it difficult to focus on work today. How did you know?

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: grizzled (and not-so-grizzled) hacks at Vulture Central

      Is there a certificate awarded when one is properly grizzled? Some companies give out "awards" for every accomplishment such as "perfect attendance or 'never late for work', or "cleanest desk', etc. I think participation awards stemmed from that... So is El Reg on board with the latest for the young ones? Enquiring minds and all that....

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Could you ask the eventually successful candidate...

    ...to find out whether it's: dio-design, diode-sign, di-ode-sign or what exactly, then report back here. Inquiring minds want to know.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Could you ask the eventually successful candidate...

      I thought I cleared this one up, it's diode-sign.

      Though if they want to correct me that is good with me.

      (see what I did there again)

      1. hplasm Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Could you ask the eventually successful candidate...

        "I thought I cleared this one up, it's diode-sign."

        That's rectified that, then.

  31. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Calling Doctor Caroline Langensiepen...

    Anyone remember this?

    "Calling Doctor Caroline Langensiepen of Nottingham Trent uni"

    "Your student Tom Watson's assignment to write in the style of the Register"

    https://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/12/03/calling_doctor_caroline_langensiepen_of_nottingham_trent_uni

    Perhaps the good doctor has refined that assignment and can recommend one of her recent students.

  32. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Coat

    Guest Editors?

    How about following the example of Today and Woman's Hour on Radio 4 and invite some of the great and the not so good from the world of IT to be Guest Editors?

    for example (in no particular order)

    Stephen Fry, Elon Musk, Larry Elison, Alan Sugar, Baroness Lane-Fox, Mark Zuckerberg, Ginny Rometty (can you provide a chopper), Tim Cook, Larry Page (plus lawyers), Travis Kalanick, Paris Hilton, Sir Alan Sugar, Lindsay Lohan, Steve Ballmer, Lord Sugar, Homer Simpson, Steve Jobs (deceased)

    the list is endless...

  33. Bitsminer
    Windows

    Rewrite

    >We pride ourselves on Biting The Hand That Feeds IT.

    First task should be to rewrite the slogan. Some suggestions to get them started:

    - Slighting the bland that gives two fleas

    - Blaming the blight on B2B

    - Making the slight seem all too wee

    And so forth.

    If the quality doesn't impress, pay them something.

  34. chivo243 Silver badge
    Devil

    I guess this is one of those articles\stories

    you know, one of the stories the intern was supposed to approve for the front page... not just 14 days late either;-}

  35. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Mushroom

    So, in 2017, WFT is it London based

    or, indeed, based *anywhere* ?

    Hardly a great incentive for less tech savvy employers to provide homeworking, if august institutions like EL Reg CBA.

  36. This post has been deleted by its author

  37. Sleep deprived
    Trollface

    What we offer you in return is: a desk with a seat (TBC) in our London office

    I didn't know you had an office. I imagined a laptop and a seat at the food court/pub/loo.

    1. kain preacher Silver badge

      Re: What we offer you in return is: a desk with a seat (TBC) in our London office

      Only they senior writers get to write in the loo at the local pub.

  38. unwarranted triumphalism

    'Paid'

    Ha ha, that's funny.

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