back to article 'Don't Google Google, Googling Google is wrong', says Google

If you want to write developer documentation like a Google hotshot, you'd better kill “kill”, junk “jank” and unlearn “learnings”. Those are just a few rules from the company's newly open-sourced (oops, two sins there, verbing and hyphenation) developer documentation guide. Even though any Linux user knows “kill” is a command …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Real Developers write developer documentation not PhD theses.

    1. Adam 52 Silver badge

      "Real programmers" in the Ed Post sense, don't write documentation.

      Real developers, in my experience, often write barely comprehensible poorly structured documentation that does little to help anyone who has to maintain their code. It will tell you that the function LogMessage logs a message, but doesn't tell you how the code fits together, how the underlying algorithm works or what the business need was.

      Now that we're all Agile, of course, we prefer working code over documentation. Which is fine; just show me some perfectly working code.

      1. Prof. William Waterman Sherman

        I'm not a coder, but I read a lot of code to gain insight into problems I'm tasked with fixing. I've learned to identify developers by their peculiar spelling and grammar quirks. For example, "thier" in a comment line indicates Andy wrote that particular routine, while "there" when he means "they're" points to Bob. And, if the code contains proper grammar and missing joins in an SQL query, of course it's Carl!

        Bless their hearts. I love them all.

    2. Oh Homer Silver badge
      Pirate

      Don't "Google it"!

      This demand will likely be obeyed with the same rigour as Hormel's demand that we stop blocking "spam" and Adobe's demand that we stop "photoshopping" images.

      1. illiad

        Re: Don't "Google it"!

        Yes.... google, you have got to that level of fame, stop moaning about grammar, and be proud that almost no-one says 'search the internet' anymore!! If bing had been as good and inclusive, superbly effective etc, we would use that word...

        we all say 'sellotape' even though it usually a cheaper brand of adhesive tape!! same thing with Hoover, etc...

        1. Teknogrot

          Re: Don't "Google it"!

          I was working for MS via a third party when Bing was just being rolled out and scuttlebutt was that while the engine was being developed and demonstrated internally the engineers kept saying "and then I google <thing>" over and over, until some exec stopped them and said "But it's not Google". No idea how true that is, but I really hope it happened like that.

          In particular because at the time they were just literally Googling stuff and reformatting the results...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Google is the king of "Jank"

    “Jank” (Wiktionary says “blocking of a software application's user interface due to slow operations or poor interface design”) should be used with care"

    Tell that to the Google team that came up with the web based Gmail login page, the Gmail remove accounts (from login page) and the tedious 35 step process to check/'opt-out' of, what are just 5 settings, in terms of setting user privacy regards Google's data slurp.

    Google is the king of "Jank".

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Google is the king of "Jank"

      May I nominate Google News on mobile which isn't just janky but often siezes up completely.

      1. FrankAlphaXII Silver badge

        Re: Google is the king of "Jank"

        Funny enough it does the same on a Pixel using Chrome.

        Or displays "local" news from Mountain View, when I live about a thousand miles away, which the phone surely knows.

  3. Lysenko Silver badge

    +1 for killing "learnings". Next up against the wall, "learners" (pupils) and "reached out to" (contacted).

    1. tfewster Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Contacting someone implies you were successful; "reaching out" and "pinging" can be useful in context, especially if you don't really care about the result: "Yeah, I reached out to (difficult person with a notoriously short attention span) [with a PGP encrypted linguine-long technical proposal] and s/he didn't have any objections"

      1. Lysenko Silver badge

        re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

        "Reaching out" implies you used your arm and "pinging" implies you used an ICMP packet.

        1. psychonaut

          Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

          "i will be doing the necessary".

          Someone in India has taught all the call centre staff this. it makes me giggle and go crazy in equal amounts.

          And yank date format....eeeurgh.

          1. ChrisElvidge

            Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

            "i will be doing the necessary"

            I learned it as "I will be doing the needful."

            1. yoganmahew

              Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

              Make sure you revert with the needful by [some arbitrary time] sharp!

            2. Captain DaFt

              Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

              "i will be doing the necessary"

              I learned it as "I will be doing the needful."

              Whatever. Just don't accidentally the whole thing again, OK?

          2. Arthur the cat Silver badge

            Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

            "i will be doing the necessary".

            Someone in India has taught all the call centre staff this. it makes me giggle and go crazy in equal amounts.

            Almost certainly standard Indian English, which is yet another variation in our great common tongue. My personal favourite IndEng word is "prepone", meaning "to bring forward in time", by analogy with "postpone".

            1. LionelB

              Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

              My personal favourite IndEng word is "prepone", meaning "to bring forward in time", by analogy with "postpone".

              Mine is "doubt" to express a misunderstanding. As an academic I am sometimes contacted by Indian students/researchers expressing a "doubt" about some aspect of my published work. The first few times this happened I thought they were being a bit cheeky, until I twigged that they were just seeking clarification.

          3. Registre

            Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

            ""i will be doing the necessary".

            Someone in India has taught all the call centre staff this. it makes me giggle and go crazy in equal amounts."

            Does this sound weird to Anglos ? It's the literal translation of a standard French expression.

          4. fidodogbreath Silver badge

            Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

            "i will be doing the necessary".

            "Please do the needful" was my favorite variation on that.

          5. Ballast

            Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

            I get "Do the needful", which I find charming but ultimately incorrect.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

          "and "pinging" implies you used an ICMP packet."

          Not necessarily. The TCP-IP context derives from the use of literal "pings" in ASDIC/SONAR in underwater warfare.Therefore it can have a similar figurative use in any attempt at contact that consists of a short question/answer exchange.

          1. DJSpuddyLizard

            Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

            Yes, and both of these really just mean "checked to see if something was there."

            In that context, I can go around pinging customers all day, but it won't really tell me anything useful, apart from those people still exist or that they are not responding.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

            Yeah but the cnuts with whom I work can regularly be heard using the phrase "I'll ping you an email"...

            If I wasn't so anonymous I'd think they do it just to wind me up.

          3. the spectacularly refined chap

            Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

            The TCP-IP context derives from the use of literal "pings" in ASDIC/SONAR in underwater warfare.

            Ping is ICMP, not TCP...

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

              "Ping is ICMP, not TCP..."

              Have an upvote (up-vote?) for petty correction of the day!

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

              And ICMP is part of the TCP/IP protocol stack...

              1. the spectacularly refined chap

                Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

                No, it sits directly on top of bare IP.

                1. dom_f

                  Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

                  So should be ICMP/IP to follow the same naming? Not that I see UDP/IP used much!

        3. ZanzibarRastapopulous Silver badge

          Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

          > "Reaching out" implies you used your arm....

          Is that the same as fisting?

        4. Andrew Punch

          Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

          "Pinging" sounds like flicking the target in the ear

        5. Montreal Sean

          Re: re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

          "Reaching out" implies you used your arm and "pinging" implies you used an ICMP packet.

          I read that as using an ICBM, and thought that's quite a ping! :)

        6. trydk

          Re: Contacting someone implies you were successful;...

          Historically, I would say "pinging" implies you used a sonar, which really shows how conservative we are when it comes to language.

          Language is evolving and has, ever since its first use, always been evolving. It is, in my opinion, acceptable, as long as it is augmenting the language (like "tweet" to mean "send a short message on Twitter" and not just the chirping of a bird) while not changing the original meaning (as to a certain extent has happened to "literally", which originally meant "using the original meaning of a phrase" ("The flour literally exploded from the spark") to now meaning "figuratively" or perhaps "virtually" ("She literally exploded with rage").

      2. yoganmahew

        I think the old airline abbreviations UTC and LMTCB work over "reached out".

      3. AndrueC Silver badge
    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "[...] "learners" (pupils) [...]"

      You can be learning something by experience without being a pupil or even a student. Possibly "novice" or "tyro" are closer.

    3. Spanners Silver badge
      Boffin

      Lets remove a few more. I suggest we get rid of such misuses as...

      Share - try "discuss" instead

      and

      Student - when they mean pre university school pupils

      Then, all you kids can get off my lawn!

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Can we please add

      "surfacing" to the death list. PLEASE? I throw up a little in my mouth every time I hear someone say that they "surfaced" something, or their nifty new application "surfaces" some magical data. FFS.

      1. acid andy

        Re: Can we please add

        Luckily for me, I don't think I've heard that one yet. What does it mean, "derived" or "generated" or "discovered"?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Can we please add

          Expose(s)

    5. plrndl

      Next up against the wall

      ...and gifting.

  4. 27escape

    September 13, 2017

    Is still American date format, just not MM-DD-YYYY and is still an abomination

    1. wolfetone Silver badge

      Re: September 13, 2017

      Damn straight. Everyone should adopt the UNIX timestamp and be done with it.

      1. aks

        Re: September 13, 2017

        i think you mean iso date format rather than unix.

        if you're going to put the day after the month then the year should go before them both.

        while we're on the subject, iso time format should also be preferred. am and pm are anathema in my book.

        date-time should always be in gmt, obviously. (i don't refer to it as utc as i'm from greenwich). zulu rules, ok.

        1. Zippy's Sausage Factory

          Re: September 13, 2017

          But UTC was adopted on the grounds that the UK might decide to implement double summer time, and move the winter time an hour forward, or adopt BST all year round. At that point, GMT would then be different from UTC.

          Currently only Morocco uses UTC, as they don't bother with the summer/winter time stuff.

          And before you ask, I live in WET, which is currently the same as GMT...

          1. PNGuinn Silver badge
            WTF?

            Re: GMT

            No, GMT would remain GMT whatever the Grubbymint decides watches in Greenwich should be set to. It's a standard, see. Like badgers' feet.

            C'mon, standards soviet. We need a standard location for standard time to give a standard offset from Imaginary Time. AND a set of real elReg time units.

            That'd end all the confusion for good. Ideas on the back of a perfectly smooth badger please ....

        2. katrinab Silver badge

          Re: September 13, 2017

          GMT is not the same as UTC, there can be a difference of up to 2 seconds between the two.

          GMT is based on the actual position of the sun at noon on the Greenwich meridian. UTC is taken from an atomic clock that can be adjusted up to twice a year on 30th June and 31st December by one second backwards or forwards to bring it closer to GMT.

        3. PNGuinn Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: am and pm

          In these pc days shirly we need more than 2 options?

          I mean, this IS the 21st century after all. Just having 2 options is so last century.

          am, ateabreak, pteabreak, ap, pp, ash*t, psh*t, aamsh*t, alunch, plunch, aidon'tgiveaflyingfu*km ...

          Hmmmm my spellchecker didn't complain about ash*t.

          NURSE! I need a commode. Or a new iphone.

          >>Thanks. You don't want to know what's in the pocketses

      2. GnuTzu Bronze badge

        Re: September 13, 2017

        ISO 8601, RFC 3339: the justification solid and irrefutable, and cultural bias is just that, bias.

    2. DaLo

      Re: September 13, 2017

      True but at least it is unambiguous. It is ridiculous that it still isn't standardised to use yyyymmdd with or without hyphens or colons. The amount of times I've either been struggling to find a log entry only to realise the date format hasn't been localised or I have to scroll down out of the single digit dates to see what format they are using [fragmentation, consider re-writing]

      Similar for times when using a cloudy service.[don't use nouns as adjectives] Are they local to the cloud, are they local are they UTC?[Rhetorical, avoid]

    3. art guerrilla

      Re: September 13, 2017

      nope, stop thinking like a machine and start demanding to be treated as a human bean... why WE human beans have to learn/bend to a machine-friendly version of the date is what is wrong with society in a nutshell...

      the only unambiguous, HUMAN-FRIENDLY date format is wed13sep2017, all the rest is giving up your humanity for the convenience of machines...

    4. acid andy
      Stop

      Re: September 13, 2017

      As long as you read it as "September THE 13th, 2017", it sounds OK in the UK to my ear. As someone else said, it's a good US / UK compromise.

      1. Uffish

        Re: September 13, 2017

        It's six potatoes versus half a dozen tomatoes but my computer pops up a short, unambiguous "Wednesday 13 September 2017" which I read as "Wenzday the 13th of September 2000 and 17".

        Given that my computer is in France, with local time (French ) correctly displayed and with the date written in English, the decimal point being a full stop not a comma, and monetary symbol being whatever I want - I am very content, and quite amazed at the common sense of the various programmers involved.

  5. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

    What about "leverage" as a verb?

    One rather hopes Google has stamped on that

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

      They are American so they would stomp on it. Stamping it might be seen to be giving it a seal of approval.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

        Oh yes, I was waiting for this to happen. Someone let the pedants loose (OK, I should have said "lose" to rile them a bit more).

        I'll just get a coffee and watch it develop. Yes, that could be a contextual pun :)

        1. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

          Oh yes, I was waiting for this to happen. Someone let the pedants loose (OK, I should have said "lose" to rile them a bit more).

          You must be new here. This is El Reg, the pedant Safari Park. Keep your windows closed (or preferably shut down). Stray from the path and they'll devour you in packs.

          1. Alistair Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

            "Stray from the path and they'll devour you in packs."

            No, no, no, not packs. We prefer our victims in sammiches or sarnies!

            1. David 132 Silver badge
              Trollface

              Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

              We prefer our victims in sammiches or sarnies!

              Just remember that it's only a sandwich if you slice it diagonally from corner-to-corner into triangles. If sliced straight across edge-to-edge into two rectangles, it's a butty.

              And having poured my own tuppence worth of accelerant onto the flames, I shall retreat to a safe distance and watch :)

              1. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

                Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

                "Just remember that it's only a sandwich if you slice it diagonally from corner-to-corner into triangles."

                That should put a stop to many of these newfangled composite "sandwich" constructions.

        2. Trigonoceps occipitalis

          Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

          Cry "Havoc" and let slip the pedants of El Reg!

      2. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

        Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

        They could "table" it instead...

        1. Spanners Silver badge
          Go

          Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

          I suggest we Dog Ear that for now.

    2. fidodogbreath Silver badge

      Re: What about "leverage" as a verb?

      Ditto for "architect" as a verb. That usage needs to die in a fire.

  6. Pomgolian
    FAIL

    Because It's Not Google

    I can't help thinking they're kind of missing the point: To be so synonymous with something that your name becomes a verb is surely evidence of significant if not total market penetration.

    I always chortle every time I catch one of those tortuous scenes in the remake of Hawai'i 5 0 - the ones where they're trying to convince you to "bing" things. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3ug8jrja7M

    Guess Micro$oft will be ready to hoover up the honours.

    1. nagyeger

      Re: Because It's Not Google

      Yes, but they don't want to become /so/ synonymous that the verb becomes leached of meaning. e,g. "Should I hoover that up with the dyson or the electrolux?",

      "Did you google with yahoo or altavista back then?"

      1. Nick Kew Silver badge

        Re: Because It's Not Google

        "Did you google with yahoo or altavista back then?"

        I seem to recollect googling with infoseek before altavista existed.

        No, wait, googling didn't exist back then. The nearest was probably giggling.

        1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

          Re: Because It's Not Google

          I seem to recollect googling with infoseek before altavista existed.

          No, wait, googling didn't exist back then. The nearest was probably giggling.

          In earlier days it was a different thing that started with a "g": gopher.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Because It's Not Google

            But gopher isn't the search engine any more than the WWW is a search engine. In gopher-space, Veronica is the search engine, with a little help from jughead and/or jugtail..

            Wide Area Information Search (WAIS) is arguably more useful than gopher+veronica& the jugs, and indeed is often used as a supplement to them. Note that's current tense.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Because It's Not Google

      "To be so synonymous with something that your name becomes a verb is surely evidence of significant if not total market penetration."

      Such use can be a slippery slope to losing your official trademark recognition. Previous examples are: hoover, aspirin; petrol.

      1. Olivier2553

        Re: Because It's Not Google

        "Such use can be a slippery slope to losing your official trademark recognition. Previous examples are: hoover, aspirin; petrol."

        It would only show that if they had the edge at some point, they loose it.

        If they continue to be at the top, one will always google with Google.

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Because It's Not Google

      Yes, it's so.... odd on TV shows when people use Bing or Windows phones.

      It's like an alternate reality show.

      A bit like in the novel Making History where the funny little pictures on your PC screen are call "glyphs"

      1. Updraft102 Silver badge

        Re: Because It's Not Google

        "A bit like in the novel Making History where the funny little pictures on your PC screen are call "glyphs""

        If they are pictures on an otherwise flat background, like on a Windows desktop, they're icons, but if they are meant to be part of a predefined UI button or other UI element, they're referred to as glyphs.

    5. staggers

      Re: Because It's Not Google

      And you wouldn't believe how hard Hoover tried to stop being used as the name for all vacuum cleaners, since most of the cleaners sold are not Hoovers at all.

    6. It wasnt me

      Re: Because It's Not Google

      By your own argument surely your last sentence should by now be "Guess Micro$oft will be ready to dyson up the honours."

      1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        Re: Because It's Not Google

        question1 = "Do Hoover even still make Hoovers? whats the market share now?"

        question2 = replace (question1 ,"Hoover" , "JCB")

        1. MJI Silver badge

          Re: Because It's Not Google

          No Hoover make toasters

          And yes for ages I wondered why people put their carpets in toasters.

    7. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Because It's Not Google

      Beinfg old enough to use internet pre Google, I search for stuff, using a search engine.

      Which search engine depends on annoyingness or lack of

  7. jake Silver badge

    "If you want to write developer documentation like a Google hotshot"

    Thank you for asking, but no, I really don't.

    The world has enough style guides, it doesn't need another one.

  8. Andy 73

    Surely....

    A true developer just releases the source code and users infer the documentation from that? Remember also that comments in source code are a sure sign your code is not expressive enough.

    1. gerdesj Silver badge

      Re: Surely....

      "Remember also that comments in source code are a sure sign your code is not expressive enough"

      Five or 10 minutes spent with this should convince you that is bollocks:

      https://git.kernel.org/pub/scm/linux/kernel/git/torvalds/linux.git/commit/?id=ecda85e70277ef24e44a1f6bc00243cebd19f985

      Yes, I know you are taking the piss, have a UV 8)

      1. Alistair Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Surely....

        dear god.

        the whole cpuid bit sounds like something I'd write in my scripts......

        Thanks for a morning chuckle.

        1. David 132 Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Surely....

          the whole cpuid bit sounds like something I'd write in my scripts...

          Let me guess... the tale of how Cpuid fires arrows at lovers who don't use autocorrect?

      2. Missing Semicolon Silver badge

        Re: Surely....

        Those comments are an education. We learn about Intel CPU architecture. And have a little fun.

    2. nijam Silver badge

      Re: Surely....

      > comments in source code are a sure sign your code is not expressive enough

      The best you can hope for with comments in source code is that they don't contradict the source code...

      1. Stork Bronze badge

        Re: Surely....

        > The best you can hope for with comments in source code is that they don't contradict the source code...

        I remember one case where it surely did not, it said "abominable hack" and it was!

        1. Swarthy Silver badge

          Re: Surely....

          Sorry.

        2. Nick Kew Silver badge

          Re: Surely....

          I remember one case where it surely did not, it said "abominable hack" and it was!

          Don't think that's me, but if the adjective had been, say, "ugly" or "hideous" I could be a candidate. Though I'd probably accompany it with some more suggestion: why it's necessary, how it might be improved when I or anyone have time.

          1. Stork Bronze badge

            Re: Surely....

            There was more explanation - AFAIR along the lines "I don't know exactly how the original code works, but this sorts it." It was really awful, the original.

          2. Tannin

            Re: Surely....

            The worst sort of comment is the dreaded "I have no idea how this works". And yes, one or two of my own beautifully coded little darlings bear this mark of shame. I think it happens late at night after many hours of frustration and trying bad ideas because you have run out of good ones. Then you go to bed and forget about it. Some days or weeks later, you look at the code and .... and you have no idea how it works. You know perfectly well that you should re-write it, but after all it does work, and it took hours to write and ... and .... and .... and ...

            # I have no idea how this works

            1. illiad

              Re: Surely....

              #put plenty of

              # wordy comments in!!! :)

            2. Grooke

              Re: Surely....

              "When I wrote this code, only God and I understood it. Now... only God knows."

      2. Nick Kew Silver badge

        Re: Surely....

        The best you can hope for with comments in source code is that they don't contradict the source code...

        On the contrary. When they contradict the source code, they offer valuable clues as to how the code has evolved, and useful hooks for searching the change control archives.

        Or into the thought processes of the developer, if they are contemporaneous.

  9. Elmer Phud Silver badge

    That'll confuse users

    So many people say their browser is 'Google' as they have never changed the homepage.

    For them, going to Google to then go to Google search is how they run.

    It's al Google to them.

    1. jmch Silver badge

      Re: That'll confuse users

      "Don't Google Google."

      The first rule of Google is "You do not talk about Google"

      The second rule of Google is "You do not talk about Google"

      etc

      1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge
        Stop

        Re: That'll confuse users

        I thought if you googled Google it would break the internet...

        1. russsh

          Re: That'll confuse users

          No, that's only if Google googles Google.

          1. VinceH Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: That'll confuse users

            "No, that's only if Google googles Google."

            But what happens if Google googles Google Doodles?

      2. Robin

        Re: That'll confuse users

        The first rule of Robot Club is "You do not talk about Robot Club"

        The second rule of Robot Club is "You DO NOT talk about Robot Club"

        Oh no sorry, the second rule is "No smoking"

        1. Baldrickk Silver badge

          Re: That'll confuse users

          The first rule of Robot Club is "You do not talk about Robot Club"

          The second rule of Robot Club is "You DO NOT talk about Robot Club"

          Oh no sorry, the second rule is "No smoking"

          From a series I watched last week:

          "The first rule is..."

          "Don't talk about fight club, I get it."

          "Nah, that would be stupid, how would people know where to go? The first rule is 'Don't bring the Law'"

      3. Martin an gof Silver badge

        Re: That'll confuse users

        Don't Google Google

        I thought the rest of the quote actually referenced Flanders & Swann: The Reluctant Cannibal

        M.

        1. Jonski

          Re: That'll confuse users

          Flanders: Well... I... I never heard a more ridiculous idea in all my born days. To think that a son of mine should grow up to be a sissy - me, chief assistant to the assistant chief! I suppose you realise, son, if this was to get around, we might never get Brexit.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: That'll confuse users

      So many people say their browser is 'Google'

      I asked someone to open Internet Explorer yesterday. To click on a bookmark.

      He got confused of course, and when I went over to help, I found he'd opened Chrome and typed "internet explorer" into the search box...

      As he doesn't know what a browser is, I can only conclude that he ended up with Chrome when Google were marketing it like spyware, so you got a "free" download of it when you installed/updated Flash or Adobe's PDF reader.

      1. Tannin

        Re: That'll confuse users

        "As he doesn't know what a browser is, I can only conclude that he ended up with Chrome when Google were marketing it like spyware"

        That would be yesterday then.

        Or anytime since ... er .. since whenever it was they started market it like spyware. Ages ago.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    We call it t'internet up in these there parts.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Where I grew up we called it witchcraft and IT teachers had a lower life expectancy than DatD teachers at Hogwarts.

      I miss Somerset.

    2. LesB

      t'internet?

      You must be from the south.

      Well, south of here, anyway

      1. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

        Re: t'internet?

        "You must be from the south.

        Well, south of here, anyway"

        The one horror of working in Newcastle upon Tyne.

        Folks were calling me a SOUTHERNER.

        Aaaaarrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh.

        (Had a great time up there, but that wind off the sea could be bitingly cold)

  11. yoganmahew

    Capital ideas

    "the “internet of things” is rendered “Internet of Things” to explain why IoT is an acceptable abbreviation."

    I Would Like To Meet the person who came up with this. He could Please Bring A Bottle and if he was Unable To Contact I could Left Message To Call Back :|

  12. James 51 Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    A comma before an and, my English teacher is spinning in her grave. You only made that mistake once in her class and most of the school could hear some poor sod made that mistake.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Comma with God.

      I'd rather the comma than infer I have some sort of relationship with God, if it's all the same (going by the example given).

      1. aks

        Re: Comma with God.

        Ayn Rand especially, as she was a devout atheist.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "A comma before an and, my English teacher is spinning in her grave"

      That use of a comma is for disambiguation. It shows that the last two items are to be considered separately - rather than as a compound name.

      "The menu had several items of meat, vegetables, fish, and chips."

      "The menu had several items of meat, vegetables, fish and chips."

      1. James 51 Silver badge

        and also chips.

        1. Graham Dawson

          What about spam spam spam chips and spam?

    3. Graham Dawson

      Perfectly acceptable in a list.

    4. nijam Silver badge

      James 51:

      Your English teacher was wrong. Moreover, your use of a comma *after* an 'and' is genuinely horrible.

      1. James 51 Silver badge
        FAIL

        I was using the word 'and' not to create a list or to indicate a join, I was saying the word itself and creating a pause afterwards.

        1. Mike Moyle Silver badge

          "I was using the word 'and' not to create a list or to indicate a join, I was saying the word itself and creating a pause afterwards."

          I believe that a semicolon to separate the clauses would have been correct in this case.

        2. David 132 Silver badge

          I was using the word 'and' not to create a list or to indicate a join, I was saying the word itself and creating a pause afterwards.

          Well if you insist, I'll regale you with a linguistic joke I heard from my grandfather many, many years ago.

          Q. Can you construct a valid English sentence that has the word "and" five times in a row?

          A. Imagine the scene. A man is painting a pub sign for the "Dog and Duck". A passer-by stops and tells him, "Oi, you've left too much space between 'dog' and 'and' and 'and' and 'duck'..."

    5. Spanners Silver badge
      FAIL

      Additional comma

      My (Oxford trained) english teach was quite clear that you do not put a comma after the penultimate item in a list.

      People from the USA seem to often call this delibarate error an Oxford comma but clever people tell me it is better called a "Serial comma".

      It is supposed to remove ambiguity but I find that I am distracted from the actual list to consider the error of this extra punctuation mark

      1. Graham Dawson

        @Spanners Re: Additional comma

        Is called an Oxford comma because it is required in Hart's Rules for Compositors and Readers at the University Press, Oxford, aka The Oxford Style Manual.

    6. Updraft102 Silver badge

      Your teacher was wrong. I don't know how it's an "Oxford" comma or controversial at all. It just depends on what you're trying to say. For example:

      "I dedicate this book to my parents, Ayn Rand and God."

      So Ayn Rand and God are your parents, and you dedicate the book to them.

      "I dedicate this book to my parents, Ayn Rand, and God."

      So you dedicate the book to the following:

      Your parents

      Ayn Rand

      God

      Both are completely correct grammatically, but they don't mean the same thing. As I mentioned the other day, commas save lives:

      "Let's eat, grandma."

      "Let's eat grandma."

      Again, both of the examples are grammatically correct, but they don't mean the same thing. Taking out a necessary comma doesn't (always) make the sentence grammatically incorrect! It makes it mean something else.

      1. dajames Silver badge

        "I dedicate this book to my parents, Ayn Rand and God."

        So Ayn Rand and God are your parents, and you dedicate the book to them.

        Methinks I'd have used a colon, rather than a comma, in that particular case.

  13. James 51 Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Google don't want people googling because of what happened to Hoover. Which places me in a quandary. Do I say I google something (even if I never use google) to devalue the brand or do I follow their guide and never mention them again?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      In the UK...

      In the UK, to say you 'Bing' anything to describe a search for information (or non-search, which is more the point), it would give a facial response of utter distain and confusion, from those on the receiving end of that conversation.

      To say you Bing something is really saying you don't understand the subtleties of what makes you British. There is a real sense of repulsion in using that word as a verb. Googling something on the other hand...everyone understands that.

      My brother (state-side), states things like 'Ping me' in his emails. That feels me with distain too and I'm not sure why, it just does.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: In the UK...

        I doubt anyone looks at you with disdain for saying you'll "bing" something. As most of them won't know what the hell you mean. People in an IT context would laugh at you though.

        It's a funny area. I used to say mp3 player, as I had the rather lovely Rio Carbon at the time that loads of people were getting iPods. But should have said iPod, as that was the word most people knew for mp3 player, even if the one they owned also wasn't an iPod.

        My Mum does her hoovering with a Dyson.

        I guess Googling became the word because "search" can be ambiguous, "search the internet" is too long and Google were top dog at the time many people were first doing this. Anyone remember the rather sad TV adverts "do you Yahoo?" No! Because your homepage looks like it was designed by a blind speed-addict who hates all sighted people.

      2. Spanners Silver badge
        Alien

        Re: In the UK...

        In central Scotland, a "bing" is a man-made pointy hill created out of mining waste. Is that common usage in the bottom third of the country - say from Sheffield down?

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: In the UK...

          Nope. I've never heard of a pointy man-made bing before.

          Are you suggesting Microsoft's favourite search engine is a slag-heap? I have heard that it's better for searching for porn than Google...

        2. Old Tom

          Re: pointy man-made bing

          No (North of Sheffield, but over to the West), I'd call that a slag heap.

      3. Nolveys Silver badge

        Re: In the UK...

        "My brother (state-side), states things like 'Ping me' in his emails."

        That's when you go to google images and search for things such as "untreated" and "grinder accident". You then fill an email with those lovely things and send it off to him.

        If your brother asks why you sent such things you say "you asked me to ping you, that's what means, right?"

        If your brother explains to you what he considers "ping" to mean then you reply with "oh, I understand now". You then wait for him to ask you to ping him again and send him pictures of eye surgery and motorcycle accidents.

      4. Updraft102 Silver badge

        Re: In the UK...

        "My brother (state-side), states things like 'Ping me' in his emails. That feels me with distain too and I'm not sure why, it just does."

        Because it's stupid?

        Ask him his IP address and then ping it, and then give him the results. Do that consistently and he'll learn not to use that idiotic phrase with you. Emailing is not pinging. Pinging is pinging.

        (I presume the cited sentence is, uh, the way it is for effect.)

    2. aks

      as i understand it, in the usa a company must vigorously defend their brands or lose the exclusive rights to them.

  14. EddieD

    Hmm..

    When I worked in Linguistics I once read an excellent academic paper entitled "I've never met a noun that can't be verbed".

    I can be bothered googling it through Google Scholar, but amen to that.

    1. frank ly Silver badge

      Re: Hmm..

      You can be bothered? Or could you care less?

      1. EddieD

        Re: Hmm..

        This is why I'm a crap programmer - syntax and spelling and tenses are mysteries to me.

    2. deadlockvictim Silver badge

      On Calvinball

      A once noted Calvinball player commented back in the late 1980s-early 1990s that 'verbing weirds language'.

      Just because one can do it, doesn't mean that one should.

      But then, I find those who use Business English to be comparable with the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation. One can only hope that the Revolution comes soon.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hmm..

      Have you DuckDuckGo'd anything recently?

      Equally, "I'll give DuckDuck a go for that, thanks", or "I'll give DuckDuckGo a go for that, thanks"?

      Does no one every think this through, on how their branded search will be used in a conversation?

      'googling Google', is an obvious attempt by Google to protect their Trademark, to prevent it becoming a regular spoken word (which it is).

      1. Teiwaz Silver badge

        Re: Hmm..

        Have you DuckDuckGo'd anything recently?

        I'm fairly certain anyone using that should rightfully expect law enforcement (sans anything better or less effort to add to crimefighting statistics) to pop round to investigate possible cruelty to domesticated fowl.

        Or at the very least, drug use...

      2. LesB

        Re: Hmm..

        Shouldn't that be DuckDuckGone, or maybe DuckDuckWent?

    4. aks

      Re: Hmm..

      when i worked in the netherlands, my colleagues (all fluent in english) were jealous of the ability to turn any noun into a verb. the example was 'to helicopter people out of a disaster area'.

    5. aks

      Re: Hmm..

      when i worked in the netherlands, my colleagues (all fluent in english) were jealous of the ability for english to use nouns as verbs. their example was "to helicopter people out of a disaster area".

    6. Nick Kew Silver badge

      Re: Hmm..

      "I've never met a noun that can't be verbed"

      Yes, but what does it mean? Can you be arsed to think it through?

      And please, don't think of verbing my name. That would look like theft.

      1. VinceH Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Hmm..

        As in, "I'm going to kew the crown jewels!" ?

        Um. I'll get my coat.

  15. RyokuMas Silver badge
    Big Brother

    Timeline...

    2017: "Googling Google is wrong"

    2020: "You will not Google Google"

    2022: "Documents instructing to 'Google Google' will not be indexed"

    ...

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Timeline...

      2024: Organ harvesting drones have been sent to all locations where Google's servers have detected use of the word googling.

      2025: No uses of the word googling have been detected this year. It is estimated that the organ banks now hold sufficient stock to keep the remaining few million humans alive for 10,000 years. Matrix OS v1.243

  16. deadlockvictim Silver badge

    It depends on what you mean

    Not recommended: I dedicate this book to my parents, Ayn Rand and God.

    Recommended: I dedicate this book to my parents, Ayn Rand, and God

    The first sentence states that the dedicator's parents are Ayn Rand & God and that the book is dedicated to them.

    The second sentence states that the book is dedicated to all 4 and the assumption is made that the aforementioned parents are not Ayn Rand and God.

    Mean what you say and say what you mean.

    As for the date format, I applaud Google's compromise. I use the East-Asian format (YYYY-MM-DD) as a matter of course and it does not go down well in Europe. The U.S. format (mm-dd-yyyy) is confusing for non Leftpondians. 'September 13, 2017', however, is perfectly clear. To be sure, people whose first language is not English will be peeved at the use of English as default.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It depends on what you mean

      "I use the East-Asian format (YYYY-MM-DD) as a matter of course and it does not go down well in Europe. "

      In the 1970s that style was already the established standard in Scandinavian countries. It is the human readable form of the ISO order with separators. I have used that field order in the UK as yyyy/mm/dd for over 40 years.

      I have an application that recognises dates in web postings from many countries. It currently runs to about ten major processing variations - some of which have several minor variations. That excludes language conjugation variations for months.

    2. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: It depends on what you mean

      Sweden also uses ISO 8601 format. A beacon of light in the darkness.

      Obligatory xkcd.

    3. nijam Silver badge

      Re: It depends on what you mean

      > I use the East-Asian format (YYYY-MM-DD)

      Nothing to do with East Asia. It's an ISO standard, (the 'I' standing for International).

  17. mark l 2 Silver badge

    Google are wanting people to say 'Search on Google' rather than to google or googling because if to google becomes a verb in common use they can loose the ability to trademark the name as it become generic. This happened to the word hoover in the UK where it was common for people to say they were going to hoover their carpets even if they actually meant vacuum,

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      This happened to the word hoover in the UK where it was common for people to say they were going to hoover their carpets even if they actually meant vacuum,

      Why would I send my carpets into spaaaaaaaaace?

    2. dajames Silver badge

      Google are wanting people to say 'Search on Google' rather than to google or googling because if to google becomes a verb in common use they can loose the ability to trademark the name as it become generic.

      Right, ... let's all Alphabet it then!

      (I don't know what that means, but if it costs them a trademark the joke's on them.)

  18. Ben Tasker Silver badge

    "Content-Type"

    Don't use when referring to types such as "application/json"; instead, use "media type."

    Sod off Google, RFC2616 disagrees with you.

    Media may well refer to actual physical media, so media type's a shitty selection too

  19. Martin an gof Silver badge

    Gerund

    Of course, the ultimate authority on the Gerund is Molesworth

    M.

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Gerund

      ...as any fule kno?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    An earlier entry in the style guide?

    The Google Terms & Conditions used to contain the word "perpetuity" for the extend of time you are giving them rights to any contents you spool through their services. It appears their marketing style guide has been updated since to avoid clear wording - subsequent versions pretty much MEAN the same, but in less clear language to avoid alarming anyone..

  21. Cirieno

    A proposal…

    If from now on we have to use "search with Google", which is a bit of a mouthful, we could replace this with an acronym, which can then be verbified, eg: "I don't know what this word means, I'll just SWiG it", or "has someone got a moment to SWiG for the nearest pizza joint?"

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: A proposal…

      How about Search on Google? I weirdly prefer the sound of SoG - and you're not creating an "i" from nowhere, in order to make your acronym work. Like SCSI cheating to be pronounced scuzzy.

      So I could say, "please can you sog for a local pizza place.

      Or, I was sogging online for porn the other day.

      Or a web designer could tell marketing that the site is very easy to find online as it has all the right search engine friendly keywords and such by saying, "our site is very soggy."

      Hmmmmm. On second thoughts...

    2. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

      Re: A proposal… SWIG

      "I don't know what this word means, I'll just SWiG it", or "has someone got a moment to SWiG for the nearest pizza joint?"

      Swig is an existing verb:

      swig |swɪɡ| informal

      verb (swigs, swigging, swigged)

      drink in large draughts: Dave swigged the wine in five gulps | [no object] : Ratagan swigged at his beer.

      noun

      a large draught of drink: he took a swig of tea.

  22. Cirieno
    Mushroom

    Obligatory IT Crowd link…

    https://youtu.be/iEwW6D0sht0

    Never Google Google…

  23. Fred Fallacy

    For techincal documentation we need

    a new form of English that avoids any potential for ambiguity.

    e.g. curly braces for a list of items:

    I dedicate this book to {my parents, Ayn Rand, and God} .

    If your parents were Ayn Rand and God, then something like:

    I dedicate this book to my parents {=Ayn Rand, God}

    1. Def Silver badge

      Re: For techincal documentation we need

      No, we don't. We just need to improve education standards so the people who need to write documentation actually know how to write.

      1. Updraft102 Silver badge

        Re: For techincal documentation we need

        Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling the country on the back of an envelope.

        1. staggers

          Re: For techincal documentation we need

          Tee hee. Saw what you did there! Isn't the English language wonderful? (Unless you aren't a native speaker - or even if you are, come to think of it.)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: For technical documentation we need

      a new form of English that avoids any potential for ambiguity.

      Finally a benefit of speaking German, which is far more precise as a language.

      1. David 132 Silver badge

        Re: For technical documentation we need

        Finally a benefit of speaking German, which is far more precise as a language.

        Ahem.

        Lojban.

  24. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Verbing weirds nouns.

    That's all.

    1. EddieD

      Re: Verbing weirds nouns.

      Aye, but that was from someone who thought that GROSS was an initalisation of Get Rid Of Slimy girlS, so what does he know.

      Verbing embiggens vocabulary

  25. spacecadet66

    Respect to them for trying to kill "learnings." I would also personally favor having "ask" as a noun be punishable by, let's say, six months in jail.

    I'm still going to google the living shit out of things on the Internet.

    1. Updraft102 Silver badge

      Or the use of "reveal" as a noun. We already have a word for that, and it's too bad if it sounds too much like a book of the Bible for people to use.

      1. Old Tom

        Reveal is a noun - don't your windows have them?

  26. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    Don't Google Google, Googling Google is wrong

    Anybody else got Flanders and Swann's The Reluctant Cannibal running through their head?

    1. Martin an gof Silver badge
      WTF?

      Re: Don't Google Google, Googling Google is wrong

      Anybody else got Flanders and Swann's The Reluctant Cannibal running through their head?

      Errr... yes, see my post a couple of hours before yours.

      How come you get more upvotes?

      M.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Don't Google Google, Googling Google is wrong

        How come you get more upvotes?

        It's in how you type it :)

  27. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge
    Coat

    I propose something completely different..

    Instead of trying to force users of a complex, constantly evolving and with a multitude of national, regional and even city based differences, how about we use a new universal language designed from the start to remove such confusion and ambiguity?

    I hear Esperanto would suit?

    Mines the one with the 'how to speak Spanish' in the pocket.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I propose something completely different..

      I hear Esperanto would suit?

      No no, way too archaic.

      If we're going to have a language flame war, I'd say Ido is MUCH better.

    2. Spanners Silver badge
      Flame

      Re: I propose something completely different..

      How about good (ie non US or RP) English?

    3. David 132 Silver badge

      Re: I propose something completely different..

      I hear Esperanto would suit?

      With eternal gratitude to Red Dwarf I know exactly one phrase of Esperanto. Admittedly, I'm sure I am mangling it through misrememberance, but I can't be bothered to bing (hehheh, /trollface) it:

      "Bonvolo alsendi la pordiston, lausajne estas rano en mia bideo"

      Which translates to "Your father was a baboon's Please would you send for the hall porter, there appears to be a frog in my bidet".

  28. Frumious Bandersnatch Silver badge

    confusing "setup" and "set up" one of my personal bugbears

    The first is a noun (or adjective) while the second is the only proper way to use it as a (phrasal) verb.

  29. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    OC

    The Oxford comma does help one avoid shift-reduce errors, doesn't it?

    At the moment (September 13, 2017), I can't think of an intransitive use of the verb "display". Or has somebody taken to using it the way method acting groups used "exhibit"? I guess I should check the guide.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: OC

      If an intransitive verb is one without a direct object, then "The painting was displayed in the Louvre" surely counts as intransitive? Unless you count "to be displayed" as a different verb from "to display", I guess.

      I often interact with (specifically Japanese) people learning English and I've come to conclude that the whole transitive/intransitive distinction is quite fluid in English. Japanese is much more clear-cut in most cases thanks to having a direct object marker (を) for transitive verbs, as well as most often having distinct transitive/intransitive verbs (eg, 現す/現る) that form pairs.

      As for the Oxford comma, the article did pick a good example of when it's useful. It's not always the case, though. My preference is not to use it in general, but only insert it if it's necessary. In many cases it can be avoided by reordering the terms. As for shift-reduce errors, English grammar isn't LR.

      1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

        Re: OC

        "If an intransitive verb is one without a direct object, then "The painting was displayed in the Louvre" surely counts as intransitive? "

        I don't think a linguist would agree. That's just a passive construction and the active equivalent is "Unspecified-subject displayed the painting in the Louvre< which has a direct object.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: OC

          Hmm. I was unsure about that. Your "passive construction" argument is fairly convincing. As regards fluidity of transitive/intransitive verbs in English, I suppose I'd pick an example like "speak" or "sneeze". Usually they are intransitive, and dictionaries often list them as such, but there doesn't seem to be any problem with "he spoke the truth" or "I just sneezed gobbets of coffee-laced snots on my keyboard" (no icon, since I'm posting as AC). Perhaps intransitive verbs lend themselves more easily to becoming transitive like this...

    2. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: OC

      Randy cocks display to hens. I imagine that's what the author must have been thinking.

    3. dajames Silver badge

      Re: OC

      I can't think of an intransitive use of the verb "display".

      Methinks I have heard it said that some species of wildlife are known to display (intransitive) in order to attract a mate.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just have pity for the reviewers

    I can't imagine going through any kind of volume of documentation with that degree of picky wordplay.

    developer documentation is generally relatively volatile and will be under near permanent review (and now probably never pass a review) - for consumer (i.e. the great unwashed public) consumption it

    may be more reasonable to stick to a house style.

    IMHO as long as it is not open to interpretation where its important to the solution - JFDI and stop wasting everyone's time. Developers rarely want anything other than expected results and defined inputs in a manual anyway and therefore don't care even as a consumer about the fancy wordplay...The rest of the words are simply there to make it look big and expensive.

  31. Red Ted
    Unhappy

    What is wrong with abreviations these days?

    Internet of Things ought to be IT, but presumably the twonk who though the name up didn't want it confused with Information Technology...

    The Institute of Electrical and Electronic Engineers is the IEEE, not the IoEaEE.

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: What is wrong with abreviations these days?

      Internet of Things ought to be IT, but presumably the twonk who though the name up didn't want it confused with Information Technology...

      As it deals with sensors and the like, just call it the Small Hardware Internet of Things for an obvious acronym.

    2. Dave559

      Re: What is wrong with abreviations these days?

      It makes good sense to have the acronym IoT, precisely because it makes it easier to search for, and it avoids "namespace clash" with the existing well-known use of IT.

      IEEE is as it is because presumably there wasn't a well-known already existing use of IEEE for it to be easily confused with? (In general, I agree that "the"s, "of"s, etc, in names shouldn't be part of the acronym, however.)

  32. Dharma

    I'll google unix all I want.

    The reason Google doesn't want us googling (common noun) is obvious, and just like unix, I am fine with destroying their trademark.

  33. The_Idiot

    Since...

    ... we're wandering the Plains of Pedantry (and at the welcome risk of being burned in olive oil with a touch of garlic and rosemary), the devil is ever in the detail:

    "...and we learn that Google follows the usage of all civilised persons: it instructs devs not to capitalise the first word after the colon."

    Hmmm. So they would require a lower case version of the word I (referring to the personal pronoun, and yes - I is a word in this context)? Or a lower case R for Richard if Richard were the first of a list of names? I sincerely hope not, and hope further that no 'civilised person', never mind 'all' of them would either.

    And now, just for fun, we can perhaps proceed to the question of whether it is grammatically correct to begin a sentence with a conjunction. And before the flames begin, just let me go grab my Fowler, Chicago and Garner so I can quote page numbers :-).

    1. Dharma

      Re: Since...

      "And now, just for fun, we can perhaps proceed to the question of whether it is grammatically correct to begin a sentence with a conjunction. And before the flames begin, just let me go grab my Fowler, Chicago and Garner so I can quote page numbers :-)."

      Shalln't we not all burn them in Hell, as the joy would be great only if.

  34. This is my handle
    Stop

    The coinage I love to hate ....

    ... from US business English is: "incent: To motivate; derived from incentivize." No, it does not mean to make someone angry (incensed), although it had that effect on me when I first started hearing it a dozen years or so ago. I'm almost over it now.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The coinage I love to hate ....

      My pet hate is the abuse of "utilise" where "use" will do. It grates.

      1. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

        Re: The coinage I love to hate ....

        "My pet hate is the abuse of "utilise" where "use" will do. It grates."

        I like it, because it tells me I can stop listening to that person from that point.

  35. David Gillies

    If you're writing for a living and don't know what 'intransitive' or 'gerund' mean then you should probably have your thumbs broken, to stop you writing sub-literate gibberish.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If you're writing for a living and don't know what 'intransitive' or 'gerund' mean then you should probably have your thumbs broken

      Breakingthumbsonlystopsthemfromusingthespacebarsohowisthatgoingtohelp?

  36. Ian Mason
    Coat

    We had gerunds once,

    It took the exterminators six months to get rid of them.

    I'll get my coat.

  37. Kevin McMurtrie Silver badge

    A rift in the parallel universe

    The "outside universe" would prefer Google to seal up their parallel universe bubble a bit better. The Google universe is a strange place where everything is free, nothing may be private, smiling people think they're changing the world by moving protobufs, and normal code will not compile.

  38. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Angel

    Wait, somone's parents were Ayn Rand and God? So Jesus did return in the form of Jerry Falwell, and we just thought he was a blowhard TV preacher?

  39. VicMortimer
    Trollface

    But what if you're googling something with Bing?

    (Yeah, I know, nobody would actually do that unless they're googling porn.)

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  40. crediblywitless

    Remember the time AT&T tried to declare 'Unix' an adjective?

  41. Pat Att

    Rule 1

    Never verb a noun.

  42. Howard Hanek Bronze badge
    Linux

    Penalty For Curtain Peeking

    Is not just death......says Google. Our secrets are so secret that to learn them means being forever blotted out of existence..........or something.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Coodabeen Champions reference?

    For those Greg Champion officionados...

    You don't call Walla Walla Walla,

    And you don't call Gin Gin Gin,

    You don't call Mooney Mooney Mooney,

    And you don't call Kin Kin Kin.

    You never call Pindi Pindi Pindi,

    And you don't call Grong Grong Grong,

    And you don't call Wagga Wagga Wagga, no sir,

    Calling Wagga Wagga Wagga is wrong.

  44. anonymous boring coward Silver badge

    "The guide carries plenty of evidence of a long debate about what words can be both noun and verb: “login” is a noun, with “sign in” given as the preferred"

    That's because the real verb would be "log in". "login" is just a convenient verbified term, but confusing to non geeks.

    So they don't like hyphens? I think they should be used more in the English language to avoid confusion, and reflect better the nuances of the actual spoken language. In many languages words are just concatenated without the hyphen.

  45. UNCL3LARRY

    The date is the right way

    Brit here, the date "Sep 18 2017" is the right way of doing it, you colonials across the pond are just doing it backwards!

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My most disliked phrase is

    "We are where we are" was once said to us by a developer who had created something that only worked with Postscript printer drivers. We pointed out that we had hundreds of printers that were PCL5 only.

    Management should have fired him. They didn't so. instead of a few more hours development time, we spent a huge amount on new printers. Many years later (8?), we still have to require all new printers support it.

    Google translate says the Latin is

    Nos sumus in quo sumus.

    That sounds like something for a family motto or coat of arms

  47. lorisarvendu

    Can I be the first to mention "Bionics"?

    "Bionics" is a noun like "Physics". Hence should you not be able to have a Bionic Man, any more than you can have a Physic Man?

    That is the $6,000,000 Question.

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