back to article Capita still hasn't found what its looking for: A CEO

Months after Capita commenced its search for a successor to outgoing chief exec Andy Parker, the company has yet to find anyone judged evil enough well suited to fill his boots - at least not one it can make public. The integrator suffered an annus horribilis in 2016 when it reported profits warnings that led to a middle- …

  1. wolfetone Silver badge

    I'll do it.

    I can manage a fuck up in a nunery, which is more than what Crapita can do at the moment.

    1. Bill M

      Nope, you can't do it - I am far more suitable with a proven track record, not least that piss up in the brewery I failed to organise.

    2. macjules Silver badge

      That job is MINE already I tell thee!

      1) I have experience of working on the dark side (Capita freelancer for 3 months some years ago)

      2) I have extensive knowledge of how to plummet the depths of GDS.

      3) I know how to price up an MoD contract ("I know we quoted £40m but costs .. you know how it is .. £4Bn ok?")

      4) I can cost-margin a webpage: "Under construction" page mate? A snip at £23.8m with £200k off*

      * Yes really - data.gov Acquia Marina Drupal theme holding page, 1 logo plus some text for £23.8m billable cost.

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        "4) I can cost-margin a webpage: "Under construction" page mate? A snip at £23.8m with £200k off*

        * Yes really - data.gov Acquia Marina Drupal theme holding page, 1 logo plus some text for £23.8m billable cost."

        Well, shit me. You win.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Sorry, I am a better candidate

      I hold a degree on Computer Science, AND a degree on economics.. plus I can do extremely boring PowerPoint slides that lie to your face but cannot be said to be false.

      I would also give back to those that hire me.

      I guess I am qualified to destroy the company and cry all the way to the next high level job.

  2. Flakk Silver badge
    Trollface

    Have they considered outsourcing the position?

  3. not.known@this.address Bronze badge

    Gissa job!

    I have absolutely no experience in this role, which suggests I could be an ideal candidate if their reputation is anything to go by.

    Obviously commercial sensitivity prevents them telling us how much the salary really is but I'm prepared to do it for £1M a year plus benefits... and a generous share package of course. :-)

    1. Mark 110 Silver badge

      Re: Gissa job!

      They will never employ you at that price . . way too cheap. If you are going to spend taxpayers money you need to do it in a manner of complete waste and decadence.

      I'll do it for £5 million, benefits, share of the profits in cash, hot & cold running high class call girls and a lordship!!!

      1. Bill M

        Re: Gissa job!

        Cheapskate - I wouldn't get out of bed for less than £50 million and absolute monarchy of the tax haven of my choice, however cold their high class call girls are.

      2. Aitor 1 Silver badge

        Re: Gissa job!

        I would do it for free. BUT will get some money for objectives.. say 10 million for breathing...

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kim Jong Un ?

    Known to make whole countries slave for shit pay and to summarily execute competition and contradiction in the board room... perfect Capita CEO material I say !

  5. Semtex451 Silver badge

    Capita still hasn't found what its looking for: A CEO

    shouldn't that be ":an L"?

    1. Mark 110 Silver badge

      Re: Capita still hasn't found what its looking for: A CEO

      I thought it was an 'R'

    2. Angry IT Monkey

      Re: Capita still hasn't found what its looking for: A CEO

      "shouldn't that be ":an L"?"

      That would make their recent Capita One venture confusing.

      Ideas for the incoming CEO, a US package holiday arm called America Express and a geriatric care robot called Pa Pal...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Have they tried Uber for a CEO/Ex-CEO? Might improve their image.

    1. macjules Silver badge

      LOL! Definite + for that one!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Prime Objective of the new CEO

    should be

    - To wind down the company operations in an orderly manner.

    I guess I'm dreaming. Crapita will continue to offer shite services at top dollar rates performed by underpaid monkeys in South Asia or anywhere that is cheaper.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Outsource it to India

    Make the postion redundant and outsource it to India at a fraction of the salary and charge £10000 a day consultancy fees.

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