back to article I say, BING DONG! Microsoft's search engine literally cocks up on front page for hours

Some of the dozens of users of Bing today spotted a lewd sand carving semi-hidden in the Microsoft search engine's front page splash photo. This looks perfectly innocent ... until you click to, er, enlarge The snap, an overhead shot of an idyllic beach, sits behind the search bar on Bing.com. The crude anatomical artwork was …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It was the norks defacing bing for the glorious benefits of the leader or someone at microsoft dicking about.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Were there any crabs involved?

  3. Oh Homer
    Coat

    Microsoft really dropped the ball on this one.

    1. TheElder

      Microsoft really dropped the ball on this one.

      Plural is indicated.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The trouble with sand is it gets everywhere...

    1. AlbertH

      The trouble with sand is it gets everywhere...

      ....and makes a good time grate!

  5. Ugotta B. Kiddingme Silver badge

    how many double entendres

    can you fit innuendo?

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: how many double entendres

      How many do you want???

      1. Haku

        Re: how many double entendres

        Give me one.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: how many double entendres

      I can give you one.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: how many double entendres

        I'm Jewish, I'll lend you one!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Aye, that'll be right!

    "Dozens" of users of Bing?

    Shome mishtake surely?

    1. Ugotta B. Kiddingme Silver badge

      Re: Aye, that'll be right!

      oh, come now.

      In a world of over 7 BILLION people, it's conceivable that even Bing has 24 users...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        7 billion.

        Our universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,

        In all of the directions it can whiz;

        As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,

        Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.

        So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,

        How amazingly unlikely you use bing;

        And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space,

        'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: 7 billion.

          One reason that I run a SETI screensaver.....

        2. EVMonster

          Re: 7 billion.

          Get back into your fridge ....

      2. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

        Re: Aye, that'll be right!

        "In a world of over 7 BILLION people, it's conceivable that even Bing has 24 users..."

        Guilty as charged, I used it only yesterday. I'd just built a server, started up IE, Bing opened, and I typed in 'Google' and hit enter : - )

        1. rmason Silver badge

          Re: Aye, that'll be right!

          This!

          I build around 5 laptops a week for users here. So that's five times a week I let bing do the "install chrome" search.

          Doing my bit!

          1. phuzz Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            Re: Aye, that'll be right!

            If you're building that many laptops by hand, you might want to have a look at Ninite. You just tick what you want installed, and then download a single file which downloads and installs the latest version of everything you selected. It's bloody handy.

            1. TheElder

              look at Ninite.

              I did. Not interested. That would speed up the laptop dancing too much.

          2. cambsukguy

            Re: Aye, that'll be right!

            Using chrome on this brand new Linux Mint machine at work and scrolling causes huge ripples on the screen, bloody awful.

            Don't know if it is Chrome or a Linux/driver but it sure as shit doesn't happen on Edge.

      3. rmason Silver badge

        Re: Aye, that'll be right!

        Microsoft have a fair few staff i'd imagine.

        There's a few hundred users right there!

    2. Oh Homer
      Trollface

      Re: Aye, that'll be right!

      You're right. Microsoft doesn't use imperial measurements. It has precisely calculated the total number of Bing users at 0.4±0.1.

    3. MJI Silver badge

      Re: Aye, that'll be right!

      Well it has hijacked multimap.

  7. DougS Silver badge

    Someone has too much time on their hands

    I enlarged the image and didn't see it...guess I was looking for bad words or something.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Someone has too much time on their hands

      Concur. Seems to me that these days people are looking for something .... ANYTHING ... to be offended by. A couple days ago I had a lady call the cops on me because my ram was mounting ewes. This wasn't in a field next to a nursery school, mind (not that I'd care), but rather it was in a pasture that can't be seen from any piece of public property except from a trail across the valley. And then you have to use binoculars. Fortunately the investigating officer thought it was funny, which didn't endear him to the lady who was waiting at my gate for his arrival. Personally, I found it kind of sad in the old meaning of the word. The lady drove off in a huff when I offered her some lamb chops, which the cop found even funnier ...

      1. DougS Silver badge

        Re: Someone has too much time on their hands

        Did she expect the cops to tell you to tell your sheep to "get a room"?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Someone has too much time on their hands

          I think she wanted him to get the flock out of there.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: Someone has too much time on their hands

            I was tempted to ask if she was jealous, or if she wanted in on the action, but prudence ruled. After she left, I asked the cop what he would have done had I gone that route. He said he'd have had to call for backup ... backup pants & boots, after pissing himself laughing. Turns out he's a country boy, grew up on a ranch just outside Modesto ...

            1. TheElder

              Re: Someone has too much time on their hands

              I once knew a country girl...

      2. Nolveys Silver badge
        Gimp

        Re: Someone has too much time on their hands

        A couple days ago I had a lady call the cops on me because my ram was mounting ewes.

        Half an hour later the lady and the cop are gone.

        "Well, I'm glad that's over with."

        ...

        Ziiiiiiiiiip...

      3. hatti

        Re: Someone has too much time on their hands

        I agree, shortly after that dreadful Tsunami in Japan a few years back, I heard a report of someone complaining to the proprietor of a local surf shop that pictures of waves and surfing displayed in the shop window were insensitive and could they be removed?!.

        There's nowt wrong with a Friday sand knob gag.

  8. Phredd

    Somebody has a vivid immagination. Looks like two elbows, hips and legs to me.

    1. chivo243 Silver badge
      Headmaster

      I could only see the sandy triangle as a possible bikini part, who has eyes good enough to see a couple of squiggles that might look like some guy's junk.

      1. John H Woods

        fortunately...

        ... My wife has very good eyesight.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    On first glance I thought it was Trump.

    1. Jtom

      Well, it's not a big enough dick to be Corbyn.

  10. DNTP

    I guess it's fair

    You're supposed to go to the beach to be happy, the beach is allowed to be happy you're there.

    Unless you're Theresa May in which case things that make dick happiness have no place on the internet.

  11. Phil Endecott Silver badge

    I think that beach is Zlatni Rat, or "Golden Horn", in Croatia.

    The photos make it look incredible but it's actually pretty tiny and not sandy. It's only really good in comparison with the rubbish stony beaches on most of that coast.

    At some point in the past it was supposed to be naturist on one side and "textile" on the other, but by the time I visited the naturists had been moved to a tiny cove further along the coast; fashions change, I guess.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      No, obviously it is a picture of Schlong Beach.

  12. DagD

    muhaha

    Radar Operator: Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.

    Colonel: What is it, son?

    Radar Operator: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...

    Jet Pilot: Dick. Dick, take a look out of starboard.

    Co-Pilot: Oh my God, it looks like a huge...

    Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.

    Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?

    Bird-Watching Woman: Over there. What sort of bird is that? Wait, it's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's...

    Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...

    Baseball Umpire: Two balls.

    [looking up from game]

    Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous...

    Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention.

    Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying...

    Musician: Willie.

    Willie: Yeah?

    Musician: What's that?

    Willie: [squints] Well, that looks like a huge...

    Colonel: Johnson.

    Radar Operator: Yes, sir?

    Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

    1. David 132 Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: muhaha

      Oh, behave!

    2. DNTP

      Re: muhaha

      MI6 Analyst: Sir, we just got a report about a giant-

      Professor: Dong. PhD, reproductive biochemistry, University of Seoul 2013. Please give our guest lecturer a university welcome as he presents his groundbreaking work on-

      Doctor: Fruit and veggies.

      Patient: But I'm an Englishman, can't I eat lard and chip butties instead?

      Doctor: Not if you want to be able to look down past your belly and see your-

      TV: Batter blaster! Just load and fire and its pancakes for breakfast in no time at all! Attention men forty and over! When romance strikes, are you having trouble with your-

      MI6 Supervisor: Peter! Switch off your TV, we have a report to go through!

    3. ChrisBedford

      Re: muhaha

      @DagD

      Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

      top marks for this frivolous mis-use of a futile imagination :D :D :D

      1. David Nash Silver badge

        Re: muhaha

        @ChrisBedford

        "top marks for this frivolous mis-use of a futile imagination :D :D :D"

        Unless I've missed a point you were making (in which case I'll get my coat) this was not from @DagD's imagination but from the end of the Austin Powers movie.

        The only reason I remember is that it was on TV the other day.

  13. Forget It
    Facepalm

    It's Elvis's

  14. FSM

    "A Microsoft spokesperson told us the Windows giant has nothing to say."

    That's a contradiction.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @FSM - Re: "A Microsoft spokesperson told us the Windows giant has nothing to say."

      That's exactly what I was thinking. Why in the world they pay someone to tell they have nothing to say instead of just say nothing without employing any intermediary.

      1. veti Silver badge

        Re: @FSM - "A Microsoft spokesperson told us the Windows giant has nothing to say."

        Saying "We have nothing to say" is quite a different statement from merely... saying nothing.

        Saying nothing means you haven't noticed, or don't care enough about the person asking to acknowledge them. Saying "nothing" means the opposite.

        1. A K Stiles

          Re: @FSM - "A Microsoft spokesperson told us the Windows giant has nothing to say."

          In a previous existence I worked at a place that was occasionally beset by press and / or protesters. We were explicitly told to say nothing, not even a "No Comment" as that would likely then be reported as "A company spokesperson said that they had 'No Comment' ".

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: @FSM - "A Microsoft spokesperson told us the Windows giant has nothing to say."

            It's a pity they passed up the opportunity to show they could actually see the funny side, and instead felt the need to just reinforce the stereotype of them being humourless corporate drones.

            1. TheElder

              Re: @FSM - "A Microsoft spokesperson told us the Windows giant has nothing to say."

              So, does this mean you really have nothing to say?

              "Yes".

              Please continue...

  15. This post has been deleted by its author

  16. herman Silver badge

    Nevermind the sandman, did you see the topless girl sunbathing in the picture?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      They have nudity on the Internet?!?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Yep, I saw an unplugged pci slot the other day.

        1. wallaby

          "Yep, I saw an unplugged pci slot the other day."

          Ive got an uncased motherboard under my desk with 3 of them on it...... and a smile on my face

          1. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
            Paris Hilton

            ISA slots are bigger.

            1. Gio Ciampa

              ...and take longer to finish...?

        2. EVMonster

          Boom Boom!

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Maybe...

    The author of this artwork might want to take note and sue Microsoft for a good amount of money because they obviously used their intellectual property without consent :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Maybe...

      they obviously used their intellectual property without consent

      Not much intellectual about it :)

      1. TheElder

        Not much intellectual about it

        I disagree. That is a common location for many mens' brain. I has a head...

  18. A. Coatsworth
    Boffin

    >>was clocked about three hours ago, and may have been there even longer.

    I think it's time to call your doctor about that.

  19. Snowy Silver badge
    Joke

    Looks....

    more like clippy to me :)

  20. Mephistro Silver badge
    Angel

    A big dick suntanning alone in an big empty beach?

    Wasn't there an article about this in Elreg a few weeks ago?

    In California?

    ;-)

  21. This post has been deleted by its author

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So

    One of your dicks tried to dicktate a letter to a microdoft dick about a dick your dick had seen on their dicks artwork. Microsoft's dick didn't dickscuss this but now the Microsoft dick has given their dick a good rubbing so your dick can't dicktect it any more.

    Or was that just dicking about?

    I'm changing my name to Dick

  23. Winkypop Silver badge
    Trollface

    It's now gone?

    What a dick move!

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe...

    Maybe it was an overt message to BombasticBob

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Something like this could have remained undiscovered for months, given the number of people who actually use Bing.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Unlikely. 6 hours at most. Tides you see, it'd be washed away.

      1. MJB7 Silver badge

        Re: Tides

        Somebody has identified it as Croatia. There is 35cm (1 foot) difference between high tide and low tide at Split today - and those are Spring Tides!. Next Friday it will be 16cm (6") (The Med doesn't have much in the way of tides).

        1. John G Imrie Silver badge
          Trollface

          Next Friday it will be 16cm (6")

          Well he said it was 6"

  26. FrankReynolds

    Ameuters

    There is no spunk....

  27. gryff
    Thumb Up

    Delighted!

    to brighten up my tedious work desktop I download bing wallpapers

    (yes I am the only user)

    and I have the dick version!

    I am gonna have such fun with HR...

    "you're seeing things...you're obviously projecting / fixated...that's quite a problem...I don't see anything (etc)"

    1. Kelli

      Re: Delighted!

      For those who cannot resist:

      https://www.bing.com/az/hprichbg/rb/GoldenHorn_EN-US10994437217_1366x768.jpg

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    El Reg...

    Ripping stories off Reddit yet again

  29. Tigra 07 Silver badge
    Happy

    "the Bing team got wise to the sandy schlong and edited out the free willy"

    ...Did they use Paint?

    1. Fink-Nottle

      Re: "the Bing team got wise to the sandy schlong and edited out the free willy"

      > ...Did they use Paint?

      I suspect the Bosses first reaction was to sent out some unfortunate tech support drone with a bucket and spade ...

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It could have been done on purpose

    Generate social media buzz with 'fake news' and then hope some of those clickbaited people turn into Bing converts.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It could have been done on purpose

      LOL. That won't happen even if they paid for it..

    2. TheElder

      Re: It could have been done on purpose

      I tend to agree. Mr. Dick is most likely in charge of marketing.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's

    the verbose switch, you toggle it.

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