back to article Foot-long £1 sausage roll arrives

Hungry punters fed up with over-priced, under-sized artisan sausage rolls will be pleased to hear a foot-long (30.48cm) meat feast has now arrived costing, um, £1. Even poncey Southerns will be able to get their hands on the snack. Everybody who enjoys eating like they have a death wish can head to their nearest Morrisons as …

  1. wolfetone Silver badge
    Pint

    A £1 foot long sausage roll?

    WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!! This is the future! I've tasted it!!!

    1. VinceH Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!

      I have a sausage roll to eat!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      *may contain: buttholes, eyelids, feet, other shit we found on the floor

      Pay for decent food - America is a lesson to us all

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        "*may contain: buttholes, eyelids, feet, other shit we found on the floor

        Pay for decent food - America is a lesson to us all"

        This annoys me.

        You think that because less appetitising parts of the animal are used that it's an inferior product? You're completely wrong. If anything, it's a superior product. Why? You're using the whole animal, rather than the nice looking fleshy bits.

        Surely it's an insult to the animal to kill it just for a few pork joins and some bacon and then discard the rest of the animal? It's far more respectful to use every last part of the body in anyway we can.

        1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

          It's not the odd bit of the pig

          That worry me. I was brought up not to waste food. It's the other stuff. Now, I know these days you can't get away with slipping a few handfuls of sawdust into the mixture but based on taste I suspect that someone has found a way of turning old furniture into "food grade texture supplement".

          1. Triggerfish

            Re: It's not the odd bit of the pig

            Sometimes you want crap.

            I used to live near several excellent butchers, but even so I sometimes found myself craving those cheap arse Richmond's sausages.

            1. Oh Homer
              Windows

              Re: "cheap arse sausages"

              It's not just me, then.

              I was starting to think I had a genetic deformity, because while all those hugely expensive Cumberland-style sausages did nothing for me, despite being hand-crafted by blind Tibetan monks using only the finest Bohemian wild boars and magically enchanted caramelised onions, I have a compunction worthy of Desperate Dan to eat vast platefuls of cheap bangers and mash.

              With lots of gravy. Never forget the gravy!

              1. Triggerfish

                Re: "cheap arse sausages" @ Oh Homer

                It's gotta be done sometimes.

                There was a place that did a cheap bacon and sausage sarnie near a place I worked, cheap bacon, cheap sausages, some Mondays, or miserable grey days on the way to work greasy, salty magic in a barm.

          2. Bandikoto

            Re: It's not the odd bit of the pig

            "Everything but the squeal."

            1. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

              Re: It's not the odd bit of the pig

              "Everything but the squeal."

              Or as a butcher in the Yorkshire Dales proudly stated:

              "We even use the squeal."

        2. Oh Homer
          Headmaster

          Re: "less appetising parts"

          Actually the conventional wisdom on what exactly constitutes the "less appetising parts" is generally wrong. In meat, most of the flavour is locked into hydrophobic molecules that absolutely require fat to dissolve and thus release their flavour. So "trimming the fat" is literally the worst thing you could possibly do to your meat, unless you're the sort of person who thoroughly enjoys the taste of cardboard.

          As for what's "bad for you", scientific research has proven that death continues to be the nation's number one killer, and that sadly there is still no cure for mortality. So you might as well just suck it up, and don't forget all that tasty fat!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: "less appetising parts"

            As for what's "bad for you", scientific research has proven that death continues to be the nation's number one killer, and that sadly there is still no cure for mortality. So you might as well just suck it up, and don't forget all that tasty fat!

            Exactly! I went to see my doctor yesterday, and he explained that as time passes, my body becomes older, and more worn and lived in, so it's not surprising if bits stop functioning like they used to.

            His advice could revolutionize medical science - "stop getting older."

            1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

              Re: "less appetising parts"

              @AC

              His advice could revolutionize medical science - "stop getting older."

              Unfortunately, I can only think of one way of doing that. I'll stick to the alternative and just slowly get older disgracefully, one day at a time.

              1. Danny 14 Silver badge

                Re: "less appetising parts"

                Awesome. Im sure its contains the same meat products as biltong, midnight mouth organ kebabs, haggis, black pudding and 'cheap sausages'.

                All good.

              2. Pompous Git Silver badge

                Re: "less appetising parts"

                ""stop getting older."

                Unfortunately, I can only think of one way of doing that. I'll stick to the alternative and just slowly get older disgracefully, one day at a time."

                There is an alternative way:

                The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar

                But that's pretty gruesome, too.

          2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: "less appetising parts"

            "So "trimming the fat" is literally the worst thing you could possibly do to your meat, unless you're the sort of person who thoroughly enjoys the taste of cardboard."

            +1 A well marbled beef joint has a lot more taste than lean beef. Sadly, many people think the lean meat is best because "healthy" and, of course, the lean meat is priced to reflect that. For the rest of us who know better, that means the better meat with some fat still on it is cheaper.

            1. Pompous Git Silver badge

              Re: "less appetising parts"

              "For the rest of us who know better, that means the better meat with some fat still on it is cheaper."
              And the cognoscenti also know that only a little over half of that fat is saturated. Nearly half is unsaturated. I'd rather get my unsaturated fat from meat than safflower oil thankyou very much.

        3. Ken Hagan Gold badge

          "Surely it's an insult to the animal to kill it just for a few pork joins and some bacon and then discard the rest of the animal?"

          It might be, but I'm pretty sure that doesn't mean I personally have to actually eat all of it. There are other ways of using a dead animal. Oh, and I dare say that any veggies reading this will point out that it was an insult to the animal to even bring it into this world just to fatten it up and kill it, no matter how much of it you used afterwards.

          Horses for courses I suppose.

          1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
            Joke

            "Horses for courses I suppose."

            Would that be for the main course? Don't go to Mrs Miggins Pie Shoppe then.

          2. wolfetone Silver badge

            " Oh, and I dare say that any veggies reading this will point out that it was an insult to the animal to even bring it into this world just to fatten it up and kill it, no matter how much of it you used afterwards."

            They can say that all they like. But if humans were meant to eat vegetables exclusively and not eat meat, then we'd have our eyes on the side of our head and teeth that were primarily used for munching grass.

            Remember: Veganism is cow genocide.

            1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

              "Veganism is cow genocide."

              I've come to the conclusion that vegans really don't like animals.

              1. Pompous Git Silver badge

                "I've come to the conclusion that vegans really don't like animals."
                It could be worse. Imagine being a vegan and hating the taste of vegetables...

              2. This post has been deleted by its author

          3. h4rm0ny

            >>Horses for courses I suppose.

            Horses for main courses, I should think based on previous supermarket behaviour. ;)

          4. onefang Silver badge

            "Horses for courses I suppose."

            If we are using all the bits of the horse, that's a fairly large meal.

        4. Teiwaz Silver badge

          Chain bones?

          Apparently not allowed to sell them anymore, although my Dad used to rave about them as being better than spare ribs.

        5. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Crazy to think there's no equivalent English idiom to "Tout est bon dans le cochon".

          1. Imsimil Berati-Lahn

            Every part of a swine

            is absolutely effin' fine.

        6. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "It's far more respectful to use every last part of the body in anyway we can."

          Black Pudding!!!!

          1. magickmark

            Black Pudding!!!!

            Ecky-Thump!!!!

      2. mythicalduck

        Pay for decent food

        Whilst I generally agree with the "you get what you pay for", it's not always true either. You can still get inferior food being priced highly because of "brand" labels etc.

      3. NateGee

        FFS! You have eaten a hotdog at some point in your life right?!?

        https://www.lspace.org/books/whos-who/cmot.html because Pratchett knew this years ago.

      4. R 11

        "*may contain: buttholes, eyelids, feet, other shit we found on the floor"

        Why do you think sausage was invented?

        1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

          I'll see your sausage and

          raise you to one haggis

      5. Chemical Bob

        "may contain: buttholes, eyelids, feet, other shit we found on the floor"

        America ain't the lesson here. In the Land of the Free we aren't even allowed to eat anything Truly Offal. It's for our protection, you know.

        We are allowed to eat something like 3000 food additives that have been banned in the smarter parts of the world, however.

        1. x 7

          ""may contain: buttholes, eyelids, feet, other shit we found on the floor"

          America ain't the lesson here. In the Land of the Free we aren't even allowed to eat anything Truly Offal. It's for our protection, you know.

          We are allowed to eat something like 3000 food additives that have been banned in the smarter parts of the world, however."

          So America doesn't have chitlins as its national dish then

          (For the uninitiated chitlins are deep fried crispy intestines. Think pork scratchings with an earthy flavour)

          1. Chemical Bob

            Re: So America doesn't have chitlins as its national dish then

            Nope. Double cheeseburgers. And to wash 'em down, gravy.

      6. tlhonmey

        "*may contain: buttholes, eyelids, feet, other shit we found on the floor

        Pay for decent food - America is a lesson to us all"

        Um... You *do* know what sausage casings are made of, right?

        1. gandalfcn

          "Um... You *do* know what sausage casings are made of, right?

          Are or were?

          1. jake Silver badge

            Still are.

            No other way. I even use the appendix, the result is called Tom Thumb.

      7. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "may contain: buttholes, eyelids, feet, other shit we found on the floor"

        There speaks someone who has never tried haggis.

        You utter BASTARD! I am now hungry

      8. gandalfcn

        "Pay for decent food - America is a lesson to us all"

        The downvoters are probably Septics who believe their country's dietary intake is the best in the world.

        Just like their education and healthcare.

        1. jake Silver badge
          Pint

          That's a broad brush you paint with, sir! Get any on ya?

          Having spent a good deal of my life on both sides of the pond, I'd have to say that both the British and the American Great Unwashed are about on an equal footing on 'orribleness of diet. Thankfully there are pockets of gastronomic wonderfulness to be had all over both countries.

          Education is also a cross-pond draw.

          Healthcare may be nearly free in Blighty, but you get what you pay for. Draw again.

          Our governments and religions are equally fucked, too.

          And of course stupidity is common across the entire human population.

          So basically, we're all a sad bunch over all. Depressing, isn't it? I'm certain Samuel Langhorne Clemens had something pithy to say about that, but I can't be arsed to look it up.

          On the bright side, beer.

          1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

            Re: Healthcare may be nearly free in Blighty, but you get what you pay for. Draw again.

            We (UK) don't have people dying because they can't afford to have standard treatment.

            Now fuck off.

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: Healthcare may be nearly free in Blighty, but you get what you pay for. Draw again.

              No, you have people dying because they can't afford proper treatment. All they can "afford" is standard treatment. If they can be fit in in time.

              Now you can kindly fuck off. Ta.

            2. YouStupidBoy

              Re: Healthcare may be nearly free in Blighty, but you get what you pay for. Draw again.

              No, you just have people like my grandfather, who paid into the NHS all his life, then when he needed an oncologist, had a 7 month wait between first GP visit and the specialist during which time the tumo[u]r had become inoperable.

              Neither system is perfect, my fiance here will be paying off medical bills for the rest of her life for a procedure she had 5 years ago that is the reason she's still here. And she had insurance at the time, too. But at least she's still breathing.

            3. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Healthcare may be nearly free in Blighty, but you get what you pay for. Draw again.

              "We (UK) don't have people dying because they can't afford to have standard treatment."

              Same here. We have people dying because our doctors are shit.

          2. David 18

            Re: That's a broad brush you paint with, sir! Get any on ya?

            @Jake "On the bright side, beer."

            I bet it's hard to get a decent pint of that over there, if they call that tasteless, watery gnat's piss Budweiser the King of Beers.

            I wouldn't know, never been there and no desire to, Washington State or New England maybe. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Americans in general, just their Government, Politicians and businesses.

          3. Oh Homer
            Mushroom

            Re: "you get what you pay for"

            And, in America, if you can't afford to pay, you die.

            As a measure of quality, that must surely rank as a perfect zero.

            No thanks, I'll stick with the NHS, based on the simple fact that any healthcare is clearly better than none.

            1. Pompous Git Silver badge
              FAIL

              Re: "you get what you pay for"

              "And, in America, if you can't afford to pay, you die."
              A bit of a myth I'm told. There are charity hospitals in the USA that treat those unable to pay for free. Most, but not all, are financed by the Roman Catholic Church. The Economist estimated in 2010 that the Church spends about $US171,600,000,000 a year and that 57% of this goes on health-care networks. That makes the Church the largest health-care provider in the world. In 2015 The Atlantic claimed $US57 billion annually in uncompensated health care in the USA.

              When I commented here a few weeks ago on the amount of money the Church spends on health care, one commentard said he thought the Church should be prevented from being involved in health care. Go figure...

      9. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Pay for decent food - America is a lesson to us all"

        "Pay for decent food" - seems a fair enough sentiment.

        "America is a lesson to us all" - indeed, yes it is, and one we should all heed.

        How are the two related though?

      10. Uffish

        Re: "may contain..."

        Don't go talking like that in France or the AAAAA will get you.

        http://aaaaa-asso.fr/

        (Andouillette - Wikipedia will explain)

    3. Mark 110 Silver badge

      I make this occasionally - just for me.

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/food/article-2043218/The-hairy-bakers-Supersized-sausage-apple-puff-recipe.html

      You can use sausage meat of your choice and volume. I get dizzy just off the aroma.

      (P.s. Apologies for linking to the Mail. I feel a bit dirty now)

      1. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
        Coat

        How could you link the Daily Whinge Bag!

        I would link another paper based click-bait website but I can't find any other sausage roll recipes on them.

        1. Rich 11 Silver badge

          Ask and ye shall receive.

      2. davidp231

        And you spelt 'Fail' wrong.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Now that you have linked to the Daily Mail, I doubt the existence of sausage rolls.

        / Am I doing it right?

      4. psychonaut
        Thumb Up

        thanks for the hairy bikers recipie...am making one now!

        also making a delicious casserole from ox tail and shin. £2 for half a kilo of meat. and it will be absolutely mouth meltingly delicious.....chuck in a few veg from thegarden....slow cook....mmmmm....

        1. Pompous Git Silver badge

          "also making a delicious casserole from ox tail and shin"
          Bugger! You're making my mouth water. For years Tasmanian butchers used to virtually give ox tails away. Now they're trendy, expensive and hard to obtain.

        2. Pompous Git Silver badge

          "thanks for the hairy bikers recipie...am making one now!"
          Let us know what you think of the dish. A German friend of mine says his parents quite liked the taste of human flesh. During WWII their butcher was discovered to be selling human flesh as pork.

    4. nsld

      My 11 year old

      Makes these at home.

      He gets decent quality sausages and simply slits them, wraps them in puff pastry, brushes some egg yolk on the top and chucks them in the oven.

      Food of the gods!*

      * please check with your sky fairy of choice, not all gods are supported, see our terms of service for more details.......

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Thumb Up

        Re: My 11 year old

        My prediction: He will go far.

  2. 's water music Silver badge

    sausagefest

    letters?

  3. Ketlan
    Happy

    Ohmigod...

    I've just entered Nirvana.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Ohmigod...

      Come as you are.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ohmigod...

        Come as you are.

        Ugh, you're not referring to any ingredients I hope?

        1. Steve the Cynic Silver badge

          Re: Ohmigod...

          No, he's referring to this "Come as you are":

          Come as you are, as you were

          As I want you to be

          As a friend, as a friend

          As a known enemy

          etc.

          As a response to "Nirvana". Sheesh.

  4. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Pint

    but does it taste any good

    Most shop bought saussage rolls that I've tasted in the past few years are pretty tasteless. The so called 'sausage' was bland to the extreme.

    The best ones were eaten at a village Fete back in May. The maker had used really nice fillings. When I asked, the reply was a touch of the nose and a nod in the direction of the local brewery stand.

    Needless to say, he ran out before I could get back for seconds.

    1. PaulyV

      Re: but does it taste any good

      You make a good point. I am originally from Lincolnshire and there are any number of decent quality sausage rolls you can still get there for about 60-70p. Nothing artisan or oversized - just decent sausage meat in layered puff pastry...I am often puzzled as to how many places in this country can't get that simple formula right.

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: but does it taste any good

        It's usually the grease in cheap sausage rolls that ruins it for me

        1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

          Re: but does it taste any good

          @disgusted..

          It's usually the grease in cheap sausage rolls that ruins it for me

          That's the best bit! Nice greasy flakey pastry oozing fat...

          (Honest Doc, I have a very healthy diet, I've no idea how I got to 23 stone. Could it be a hormone imbalance?)

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: but does it taste any good

            Honest Doc, I have a very healthy diet, I've no idea how I got to 23 stone. Could it be a hormone imbalance?

            Yes, you could just have "heavy bones" ..

          2. nifto

            Re: but does it taste any good

            maybe just big boned.

            Oh hang on a minute i've never seen a big boned skeleton so it's the diet.. I mean hormone imbalance.

            1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

              Re: but does it taste any good

              As long as there's no gristle in it.

              Nothing worse than biting into some delicious pastry covered pigs arsehole, only to get a nasty chewy bit...yuck!

        2. Pompous Git Silver badge

          Re: but does it taste any good

          "It's usually the grease in cheap sausage rolls that ruins it for me"
          So make your own. Once you've found the recipe that suits you, you're home and hosed.

          1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

            Re: but does it taste any good

            That kind of ruins the nature of a sausage roll - an impromptu snack when away from home.

            Although I'm a Cornish ( sorry Traditional ) pasty man, myself.

            1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

              Re: but does it taste any good

              My grandma (Cornish born and bred) made the best pasties, they used to hang over the edge of a steak plate.

              Best I've had from a shop were from Horse & Jockey Bakery in Helston.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: but does it taste any good

        The local bakers made really nice sausage rolls. Then they doubled the price overnight. Then they closed down.

        I guess price wise they could not compete with the local Tesco. However, the butchers do fine, as they sell quality products for reasonable prices.

        1. Richard Wharram

          Re: but does it taste any good

          Were these bakers overly reliant on bottles of rough shit from that bloke on the precinct? About time they closed down tbh. Not been the same since the gaffer died.

        2. VinceH Silver badge

          Re: but does it taste any good

          I used to pop into a shop on my way to the office to buy one of their large sausage rolls for my breakfast - and because I was going in there for that, I'd usually pick up a few other things I needed at the same time. A few years ago, the shop changed hands, and the range of hot food they sold also changed - the sausage rolls they sold from that point onwards were crap.

          It's still a convenient shop because of my route, but now I only go in there if I specifically need something and I'm not going to have time to go elsewhere later.

        3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: but does it taste any good

          "The local bakers made really nice sausage rolls. Then they doubled the price overnight. Then they closed down."

          Our local "Greggs Of Gosforth" used to make really nice sausage rolls in their shops all across the local area. Then they growed and growed and went national buying up other local chains and the quality went down hill.

    2. Patrician

      Re: but does it taste any good

      Greggs are still worth eating, just the right ratios of grease to pastry/meat stuff, so long as they are at the right temperature;too cool and yuk!

    3. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: but does it taste any good

      Rinse and repeat for pork pies. Good sausage meat should taste of a bit more than lard and salt.

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: but does it taste any good

        My girlfriend got a great pork pie recipe from Great British Bake Off.

        And people say it's pointless entertainment.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: but does it taste any good

      "Most shop bought saussage rolls that I've tasted in the past few years are pretty tasteless."

      "It's usually the grease in cheap sausage rolls that ruins it for me"

      ...both of which (and particularly the first) sum up why I'm not much interested in this.

      Sausage rolls are one of those things that when they're good, they're *really* good, but when they're not they can be seriously- and pointlessly- mediocre.

      I've long thought that the "meat" in some cheap sausage rolls is barely recognisable as such. I tried the Quorn "sausage" rolls several years back, and *those* were more convincing- and tasted better. Not that the filling was *that* much like decent quality sausage meat, but it didn't have to be to beat a lot of "real" sausage rolls.

      While I don't like pretentious, self-described "artisan" food, I also don't like crap, greasy, flavourless crap. If I'm going to eat something that's bad for me, I expect to enjoy it, inverted snobbery be damned.

    5. vogon00

      Re: but does it taste any good

      @Steve Davis 3

      Are they the Nazi version of sausage rolls?

      1. Danny 14 Silver badge

        Re: but does it taste any good

        Our local butcher does cheapish sausage rolls that are suspiciously pink inside. He assures us they are cooked and weve never been ill or grown snouts. They taste good too.

        1. Pompous Git Silver badge

          Re: but does it taste any good

          "Our local butcher does cheapish sausage rolls that are suspiciously pink inside."
          Meat is made to stay pink instead of going greyby either sodium or potassium nitrate (cheap) or potassium sorbate (vitamin C). If it's sold as free of nitrosamines, then it's the latter. Think ham, bacon, corned beef...

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: but does it taste any good

            Meat is made to stay pink instead of going grey by cooking it properly.

            FTFY.

            1. Pompous Git Silver badge

              Re: but does it taste any good

              "Meat is made to stay pink instead of going grey by cooking it properly."
              That's for the tender cuts of beef and lamb. Not a very good idea to eat rare pork.

              1. jake Silver badge

                Re: but does it taste any good

                I eat pork that's still pink inside all the time. It's delicious, especially out of the smoker. The days of trichinosis are long behind us, thankfully.

                1. Pompous Git Silver badge

                  Re: but does it taste any good

                  @ jake

                  I'll take your word for it, but I'll continue cooking my pork to 63C. Maybe a hint of pink after 10 minutes' rest. It's plenty juicy at that temperature. Beef I cook to 55C.

                  1. psychonaut

                    Re: but does it taste any good

                    people eat raw pork all the time on the continent. i can barely wait to get off the plane to get some Met in Germany. lovely stuff, raw pork, onions, bit of chilli, maybe some egg to bind. absolutely delicious

                    1. Pompous Git Silver badge

                      Re: but does it taste any good

                      "people eat raw pork all the time on the continent"
                      Indeed, but I'm willing to bet the crackling on raw roast pork is a bit chewy ;-)

                      I too eat "raw" pork: prosciutto crudo in Italian. It's why I went to the trouble of purchasing a ham knife. I'm told that the Spanish version made with wild boar is even nicer than Parma crudo, but I have yet to come across any.

                      One of my favourite recipes is saltimbocca (leap in the mouth). A cutlet of veal folded to enclose a slice of crudo and a sage leaf fried in butter.

            2. x 7

              Re: but does it taste any good

              "Meat is made to stay pink instead of going grey by cooking it properly."

              Pork is made to stay pink by dosing it with nitrites (or sometimes nitrates)

              Heat + protein + nitrites = nitrosamines = cancer

  5. graeme leggett

    At what point do the categories of jumbo sausage roll and sausage plait merge?

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      They can't ever merge - it's two parallel lines of evolution. The shape of the pastry is totally different, and a plait often has the ends covered in pastry, making it more of a Wellington.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You can't beat a bit of meat inside ya.

    1. Pompous Git Silver badge

      "You can't beat a bit of meat inside ya."
      Said the actress to the bishop.

  7. Kaltern

    Morrisons sausage rolls tend to taste a little 'meatier' than your standard supermarket butchery section floor scrapings.

    Now if they made that with their bbq pulled pork filling... that would be legendary....

    1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
      Coffee/keyboard

      "bbq pulled pork filling.."

      Bleeeeuuurrggh ewwwww . No thanks.

      They are the 2 worst seeds of the devil to appear in pub food recently . I cant eat chicken anymore in the pub because there is no meal containing chicken they havent felt the urge to spunk BBQ sauce all over , which is a recent US import itself , along with "pulled pork" .

      Pulled pork just appeared and no-one blinked an eye? It might be ok for all i know but that too cannot be obtained without having been totally ruined by the scourge of bbq sauce.

      As far as I'm concerned BBQ sauce and its mate pulled pork can just go back wherever they came from.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        BBQ sauce all over , which is a recent US import itself ,

        By "recent" I think you must mean within the last 5 decades.

      2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        BBQ sauce is good in certain places. Maybe on a burger as something different, or to give non-chippy chips flavour.

        However pulled pork is an abomination. As is the recent obsession with things being covered in liquid "cheese".

        The Americans gave us burgers and American style pizzas. They should have stopped there.

        1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

          Burgers are German and American style pizza pales into insignificance compared to the stuff from Italy.

      3. Eddy Ito Silver badge
        Trollface

        I don't see what the problem is. If you don't want BBQ sauce, don't put it on the pulled pork. I prefer the Cuban mojo style myself.

        Oh wait, do they automatically bathe it in sauce before handing it to you? Ah, I'll bet it's greatly overcooked, drier than granny's 1 hour per pound roast turkey, and they're trying to cover that up. Seems the UK still hasn't figured out how to break out of that old bland and boring cooking and even messes up the imports. It's a shame really.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "Seems the UK still hasn't figured out how to break out of that old bland and boring cooking and even messes up the imports. It's a shame really."

          Nah, it's just the nationwide chain pub/restaurants doing it on the cheap to maximise profits. The same problem can be found the world over.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Pulled pork just appeared and no-one blinked an eye? It might be ok for all i know but that too cannot be obtained without having been totally ruined by the scourge of bbq sauce.

        As far as I'm concerned BBQ sauce and its mate pulled pork can just go back wherever they came from.

        There are lots of different types of BBQ Sauce, like there are four different types of BBQ. Pulled pork is Carolina BarBQ, which has a vinegar-based sauce.

        Despite what pub menus say, any chicken dish that says "New York" should never have BarBQ Sauce.

        I mentioned this to a waitress in London, and she was amazed that we only use BarBQ sauce on .... wait for it..... Barbequed meats.

        The most disgusting award goes to Frankie & Benny's for their BBQ Cheese Burger with Irish beef, an italian bun and .... BBQ Sauce.

      5. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        along with "pulled pork"

        Pulled <anything> is just a way of making people think they are getting all the gorgeously tasty leftover and crispy bits left on the plate soaking in the meat juices after carving the joint.

        On the other hand, done properly, it's the meat equivalent of eating a flake instead of a "square" of chocolate. A massive blast of taste from the enormous surface area.

  8. Dr. G. Freeman

    Yes, but is it a true one Imperial Foot , as in twelve inches, or is it a Footlong, as in the American sandwich franchise which, to put it bluntly, isn't ?

    1. EddieD

      Unless the lass with her hands on the sausage is seriously diminutive that piece of pork is definitely heading towards 30cm

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      It's 30.48cm long of course, and not a tenth of a millimetre less!

      1. MJI Silver badge

        We are in IT

        and should be more scientific

        304.8mm

        1. Old Tom
          Boffin

          Re: We are in IT

          But we're at El Reg

          So it's 2.1772 Linguine, or 0.0331 Double-decker bus if you prefer.

          1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

            Re: We are in IT

            So it's 2.1772 Linguine, or 0.0331 Double-decker bus if you prefer.

            Mmmmmm... double-decker sausage roll...two layers of sausagemeat and 30 feet long!

        2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          Re: We are in IT

          mm's irritate me. Why does it make sense to measure things like windows and doors in millimetres?

          Balls. Either use 60cm or 0.6m. Or get a grip and use imperial.

          1. DasWezel
            Trollface

            Re: We are in IT

            0.328 fathoms?

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Why mm?

            Because when building something, if your tolerances are a millimetre or so out, you can usually fill the gap adequately with some sort of filler, but if measuring things to only centimetre accuracy, that's not so easily fudged, perhaps?

            1. Pompous Git Silver badge

              Re: Why mm?

              "Because when building something, if your tolerances are a millimetre or so out, you can usually fill the gap adequately with some sort of filler, "
              Not really. We went through this 50 years ago in Australia.

              ◊ You don't need any fractions – no vulgar fractions and no decimal fractions.

              ◊ You don't need decimal points.

              ◊ You can easily develop a mindset for assessing distances and lengths using millimetres; it quickly becomes second nature, and big numbers have never been a problem.

              ◊ You can be as accurate and precise as necessary for the job you are doing. For example in the building trade you rarely require accuracy greater than 'to the nearest millimetre'.

              ◊ Aiming at 'millimetre accuracy' automatically produces a better job than aiming at 'centimetre accuracy'.

              ◊ If you use milli as the preferred prefix, there are a smaller number of prefixes.

              ◊ The whole idea of avoiding the centimetre, decimetre, decametre, and hectometre in favour of the millimetre is to eliminate clutter and achieve simplicity.

              ◊ By preferring the millimetre, people have to work with only three length units: millimetres, metres, and kilometres and anyone who uses those three length units simply doesn't bother with any of the others. This matches our already established practices of having only three units for mass: grams, kilograms, and tonnes; and only three units for capacity: millilitres, litres, and cubic metres.

              ◊ Look at the way people so readily adopted the use of grams and millilitres without the need for centigrams and centilitres.

              ◊ It takes a lot less time to train people to use SI using millimetres so people learn it more thoroughly.

              ◊ For most people there will only be one 'conversion factor' – 1000 – in the whole system if they choose millimetres instead of centimetres.

              The building industry changed from imperial to metric in two years or less. The textile industry chose to use centimetres and still haven't completed the changeover. Today there are nearly a hundred occupations using millimetres and 12 using centimetres.

            2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

              Re: Why mm?

              If you're measuring something that requires that accuracy, sure. The only benefit of metric distance measurements to most people is you can switch to them if you require precision.

              But if you're measuring something like kitchen appliances - 600mm deep, why? It's not 612.46mm - it's 60cm.

              1. Pompous Git Silver badge

                Re: Why mm?

                "But if you're measuring something like kitchen appliances - 600mm deep, why? It's not 612.46mm - it's 60cm."
                Obviously you've never had to fit one then. I'm just looking to purchase an induction cooktop. They come in 8 differing sizes from the supplier I'm looking at. Likely we'll go with the "60 cm" size. Here's the width of the first six I looked at in ascending order of size:

                565 mm

                580 mm

                585 mm

                590 mm

                592 mm

                Depths are all different again and none of them are square. Whatever you do, don't attempt to do any kitchen joinery. You're going to ruin a lot of materials and some of it's very expensive. You can make a small hole biggerer, but shrinking a hole is a whole different ball game.

          3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: We are in IT

            "Or get a grip and use imperial."

            I always find it funny that one of the few places in the world to still use UK *Imperial* measurements is the USA. Although they went a bit weird when measuring baking ingredients in "cups". How much does a cup of flour weigh? Depends. Is it packed or not, fine or coarse? Can easily be +/- an ounce or two. Not good,

            1. Pompous Git Silver badge

              Re: We are in IT

              " Although they went a bit weird when measuring baking ingredients in "cups"."
              Not all Merkins are that stupid. Best cookery book I own:

              The Science of Good CookingIf my home caught fire, this book would be the one I would want to save even though it's easier to replace than my collection of Elizabeth David classics.

              1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

                Re: We are in IT

                What's worse is the yanks can't measure a proper pint.

                1. Pompous Git Silver badge

                  Re: We are in IT

                  "What's worse is the yanks can't measure a proper pint."
                  It's fun watching them drink a proper pint though. They tend to get pissed pretty quick drinking real beer instead of cats' piss :-)

            2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

              Re: We are in IT

              To be fair, a cup (quarter of a pint) is a convenient measuring system for stuff that doesn't need to be spot on like baking.

              In fact, in baking is volume or weight more important? I'd imagine in baking you're using weight as a proxy for volume anyway.

              1. Pompous Git Silver badge

                Re: We are in IT

                "In fact, in baking is volume or weight more important? I'd imagine in baking you're using weight as a proxy for volume anyway."
                Well you imagine wrong. Professionals never measure by volume. Incorrect measurement is one of the main reasons for home baking failure. Too much flour leads to rock-hard cookies, tough bread, and less-than fluffy cakes. Too much sugar and your cookies will be crispy when you wanted them soft and chewy.

                America's Test Kitchen reported a 13 % variation in flour weight with 18 cooks all using the same dip and sweep technique. Spooning flour into the measure, the difference between min and max was 25%.

                1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

                  Re: We are in IT

                  Well that answers that. Cheers.

                  1. Pompous Git Silver badge
                    Pint

                    Re: We are in IT

                    "Well that answers that. Cheers."
                    You're welcome. I prefer cooking dishes where the tolerances aren't quite so tight and stand in awe of master bakers.

    3. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Comparing the sos roll with the size of her head, it's more like 3 feet!

      (yes, I know, dodgy lense, small...far away...)

      1. Dave's Jubblies

        This is a cow...

        It's far away.

        (obscure reference dept. No 1253.)

        1. Patrician

          Father Ted?

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

    4. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Coat

      "or is it a Footlong?"

      Or as my wife refers to her bowel movements - 'a footlong with onions'

      1. Simon Harris Silver badge

        Re: "or is it a Footlong?"

        Too much information!

  9. Richard Rae

    You've got to question the quality

    £1 for all of that, including the overheads, the utilities, taxes etc....

    I seriously doubt that it's a mediocre/good quality roll, and yes that is important!

    1. Haku

      Re: You've got to question the quality

      I'd put money on it being a loss leader to get free advertising whilst the footie season is on.

      1. WonkoTheSane
        Facepalm

        Re: You've got to question the quality

        Haku - "I'd put money on it being a loss leader to get free advertising whilst the footie season is on."

        Correct. The Independant is reporting it's a "Limited-time offer", and the price will rise to £1.43 from the 14th of August.

        1. Oh Homer
          Pint

          Re: "Limited-time offer"

          Giant one-quid sausage rolls is the real reason why chest freezers exist.

      2. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: You've got to question the quality

        "I'd put money on it being a loss leader to get free advertising whilst the footie season is on."

        Loss leader of course. The idea is that while you are there you'll stock up on other nibbles, and of course BEER!

    2. Richard Wharram

      Re: You've got to question the quality

      Loss-leader / gimmick.

      /edit: Haku beat me by a second to that comment.

    3. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Re: You've got to question the quality

      Or maybe they only made one

      1. magickmark
        Thumb Up

        Re: You've got to question the quality

        "Or maybe they only made one"

        Yes they will make only one. And then they'll send it back and forth through time and space, they'll send it across all dimensions to wherever one is sold so that we can all try it.

        With acknowledgement to one Mr D Adams who was Mostly Harmless by all accounts.

        1. terrythetech
          Thumb Up

          Re: You've got to question the quality

          https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-electron_universe. Couldn't find a reference to one sausage roll universe

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: You've got to question the quality

      Morrisons usual sausage rolls ("pork" or "Lincolnshire") are about £2 for 4 in a paper bag.

  10. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    Measurement

    Is it measured before or after cooking? And what's the girth?

    1. wolfetone Silver badge

      Re: Measurement

      "And what's the girth?"

      Girth is irrelevant, unless of course you don't plan on eating it?

      It is 2017, so I guess each to their own. At least it's not a coconut eh?

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Measurement

        "At least it's not a coconut eh?"

        Shaven or still hirsute?

  11. Simon Harris Silver badge
    Coat

    The grocer unveiling his massive sausage...

    it's just a flash in the pan.

    Mine's the one with the Cumberland in the pocket --->

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: The grocer unveiling his massive sausage...

      "Mine's the one with the Cumberland in the pocket --->"

      My wife wishes to announce that she much prefers my long Linconshire to a curly Cumberland.

      The one with the hole in the pocket ------->

  12. Andy Non
    Unhappy

    I've picked the wrong day

    to start a diet. :(

  13. sabba

    Waiting for Greggs' to fire their opening salvo...perhaps, a one square foot cheese and onion pasty for forty five pence!! It's roll-wars!!

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      I still have dreams/nightmares of the 24" pizzas the local take-away did which we subsisted on when doing overtime some years ago.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Mushroom

      The problem with the Greggs cheese and onion pasty is that the bigger they make it, the hotter the inside will be, when you try and eat it.

      So there's a size limit after which the cheese-like substance in the middle will hit the critical threshold and achieve fusion.

      Which is brilliant if it happens and solves the world energy crisis. But not so great if I've just bitten into it and it's gone all over my tongue...

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: achieve fusion

        They don't need any fancy reactors for that, I'm sure I've managed it with cheese and pickle in a Breville machine.

        1. Chris G Silver badge

          Re: achieve fusion

          Ah, the deadly ' fresh from the breville,' toasty, been there, done that but with added ham, the molten cheese and pickle nicely boiled my tongue while the ham was dragged out of the rest of the sandwich a d neatly flapped down my chin burning everything it, touched.

          I looked terrible for about a fortnight, got a lot of remarks like ' what have you been licking'.

          I won' t touch anythi g out of a Breville type toaster until it has been on the plate for a few minutes preferably cut open.

          Once burned.......

          1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

            Re: achieve fusion

            That's why the correct dose of toasties is 2. You cook number one and plate it up, cutting it in half. Then you cook toastie 2. At the point this hits the plate, and is cut in half, then and only then are you allowed to consumer toastie 1.

            Unless you've foolishly put tomatoes in it, or made the awesome (but deadly) jam toastie. In which case, give it another hour.

            1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

              Re: achieve fusion

              Or the baked beans toastie - bank on having replacement skin surgery and lots of painkillers for the roof of your mouth (or what's left of it)

          2. Pedigree-Pete
            Mushroom

            Re; Once burned....

            @ChrisG, you'll already know not to put tomato in a Cheese Toastie, Breville or not.

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
          Mushroom

          Re: achieve fusion

          "They don't need any fancy reactors for that, I'm sure I've managed it with cheese and pickle in a Breville machine."

          What? Cold fusion? True and proper hot fusion can only be achieved by placing a jam sandwich in a sandwich toaster.

          (EDIT: I see the Hot Fusion Jam Toastie has been mentioned already)

      2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

        "So there's a size limit after which the cheese-like substance in the middle will hit the critical threshold and achieve fusion."

        This is actually how the civilisation on the Moon was wiped out.

      3. MrBanana

        A "cheese-like substance" - I think you're being pretty generous with your description there. I doubt it has been anywhere close to a dairy producing mammal during its life cycle.

  14. deive

    Wonder how much %age of actual meat in there? probably mostly offal and fat. Also wonder how the animals are raised, at this price it must be factory farming; probably american and pumped full of estrogen and other hormones. Good times.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      It's unlikely to be american because of tarrifs on food imported into the EU.

      It's also a traditional British sausage, so meat quality is not an issue to be concerning yourself with. I'm sure it's made with nearly 100% pig product, and that's all you need to know sunshine.

      To be fair, they haven't called it the Morrison's Finest Organic Wholefood Farm-Assured Superfood Sausage Roll.

      So it seems rather pointless to moan about how it's not the world's finest quality food product. There are times when a lovingly produced and expensive food is what you want, and there are times when something that's big cheap and hot just hits the spot. Like at a football match in freezing December rain.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        At Spartacus, re: big cheap and hot.

        Leave my ex out of this!

        *COUGH*

        Gotta go, I hear someone pounding on the front door...

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Like at a football match in freezing August rain.

        FTFY to make it more topical after todays typical summers day.

    2. TheProf

      Offal and fat

      You're trying really hard to spoil this for people aren't you?

      Well stop it!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Offal and fat

        AKA: Lips and anus.

        The filler meat of choice for such 'delights' like hot dogs, etc...

        Still, I've never met a sausage roll I didn't like.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Coat

          Re: Offal and fat

          AKA: Lips and anus.M

          Well I've heard that sausages are made out of lips and arseholes.

          But personally, I think it's just bollocks...

          [gets coat, wanders off looking guilty.]

          1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge

            Re: Offal and fat

            Someone actually served me pigs testicles dipped in breadcrumbs once (without having the grace to tell me what they were first).

            When he asked me if I liked them, I said yes (which I did) and then he told me what they were. He was most disappointed* that I asked for more as they were that nice.

            *If he'd known I'd watched Cannibal Holocaust as a child whilst eating Strawberry Jam on toast he'd have realised I wasn't sqeamish :)

            Once, at a chicken-grab in Saudi, I ate a 'meat parcel'; turned out to be a sheeps eyeball, which I worked out for myself whilst I was wondering what the 'smartie' was that I was crunching on :)

            1. KBeee
              Joke

              Re: Offal and fat

              "...Once, at a chicken-grab in Saudi, I ate a 'meat parcel'; turned out to be a sheeps eyeball, which I worked out for myself whilst I was wondering what the 'smartie' was that I was crunching on :)"

              Cheap, and they'll see you through the week

    3. Tinslave_the_Barelegged Silver badge

      > Wonder how much %age of actual meat in there?

      It's a sausage roll. Questions about meat content should therefore be filtered out for continued sanity.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        What's the betting the guy behind this is called Claude Maximillian Overton Transpire Dibbler?

        1. TitterYeNot
          Coat

          "What's the betting the guy behind this is called Claude Maximillian Overton Transpire Dibbler?"

          Nope, if you look at the ingredients on this pede-tastic sausage roll it says it actually contains pork, not "30% something vaguely meat-like that has been within at least 3 feet of a pig."

          Cut-Me-Own-Throat's offerings are to be found not in the pies section, but in the next isle, right next to the buns...

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      My former partner worked in accounts payable for a factory that produced sausages and processed invoices for "head meat" whatever that may be.

      I for one do not mind and will eat them regardless. It's all about reward versus risk.

      I suggest avoiding mechanically separated meat in your search engine.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The men all say it's a foot long.

    Their wives tell a different story.

    You've all heard the joke I'm sure about why women's "depth perception" is so bad, right" Where you hold your hands about five or six inches apart and explain:' because for their whole life they've been told "this is eight inches."'

    When I told this joke at a party many years ago, an attractive European blonde didn't get it. Thinking quickly, I retold the punchline as "this is twenty centimeters" and she got it instantly.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: The men all say it's a foot long.

      Was she impressed with your speed?

    2. TonyJ Silver badge

      Re: The men all say it's a foot long.

      "...she got it instantly..."

      Fnarr, fnarr!!!

    3. chivo243 Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: The men all say it's a foot long.

      and the time distortion issue... Honey that was 20 minutes easy....

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: The men all say it's a foot long.

        Gotta go slow. Perceived length shortens the faster you go. (Einstein)

        (and you definitely want neither red shift nor blue shift!)

  16. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Obligatory...

    We can't escape politics, even when discussing nectar and ambrosia.

    This either indicates

    a) how the innovative spirit of Britain will triumph after the B-thingy and will be a key part of our strategy for a trade agreement with Saudi, Pakistan, Indonesia and a host of other mainly-Muslim countries.

    b) an example of what we will have to feed a family of four on for a week after B-thingy. Get used to it.

    I'm not sure which. But the idea does sound wonderful. I shall pop down to Morrisons today! Now, does it go best with tea, coffee or beer?

    1. Tweetiepooh

      Re: Obligatory...

      Given the nature of the pastry, I'd keep it dry.

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Obligatory...

      Beer or tea I think. Depending upon time of day and temperature.

    3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: Obligatory...

      key part of our strategy for a trade agreement with Saudi, Pakistan, Indonesia and a host of other mainly-Muslim countries

      Ah yes - those nations well known for enjoying large amounts of pork-based[1] products..

      [1] In the early days of Israel, kibbutz-owners wanted to keep pigs for their non-kosher following members. After being denied licences, they started to call them zebra farms. They knew, and the beaurocrats knew what they meant but at least it preserved the polite fiction that no-one was keeping p*gs..

  17. chivo243 Silver badge
    Meh

    Don't tell the Yanks

    that the wiener wrap was tried again... and looks to fail?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Don't tell the Yanks

      wiener wrap"

      Is that a euphamism for an extra small condom? Or do they think that's a "regular"?

  18. 45RPM Silver badge

    They all pale into in significance when compared to the mighty Dragons Egg by Monty Pieman. Sadly, they haven’t made it in a while - but it’s a Scotch Egg with the egg replaced with a delicious mash of chillies. I don’t know exactly which varieties they use - but I’m a bit of a chilli-head and, when I first had one (last year), it definitely gave me a bit of the chilli-sweats. Superb effort. I’ve had quite a few since - and now I miss them because they haven’t made them in a while. I doubt that this footlong will make an acceptable substitute.

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      That's appalling! A true scotch egg can be a thing of joy. It shouldn't be messed with.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge
        Trollface

        The only reason to eat a scotch egg is to stop it from hatching.

        1. TechnicalBen Silver badge
          Trollface

          Scotch Egg?

          Is that what haggis farms hatch them from?

          1. John G Imrie Silver badge

            Re: Scotch Egg?

            Och Aye!

      2. 45RPM Silver badge

        @Pen-y-gors

        I submit to no-one in my love for the Scotch Egg - with a dab of tomato sauce. But this isn't a Scotch Egg - it's a Dragon's Egg, which is something different and wonderful. I have a place in my heart for both, just as I enjoy stews and curries, hot dogs and sausage rolls.

  19. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Coat

    A chap in the Morrison's line

    found a thing in his hand all sublime

    just a foot of pink meat

    in a crust fit to eat

    and the girls found it all rather fine

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Upvoted for channelling Pam Ayres. As she'd have written now: .net one, purl one.

      1. roytrubshaw
        Happy

        " Pam Ayres. As she'd have written now: .net one, purl one."

        Surely that should be: .net one; perl one?

        PS Sorry for calling you Shirley!

  20. frank ly Silver badge

    I've just bought one

    My local Morrisons is a very short walk away so I now have half of one on a plate by my side. (I'll have the other half with my lunch.) Overall length is 13" of pastry so I'm sure it's a foot of sausage inside. It's 3" wide and 2" high. The 'sausage' is actually a 1" diameter rod of uncased sausage meat so it's a bit roomy inside, though it's nicely formed overall. It's not the best quality meat or the best pastry but what can you expect for £1?

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: I've just bought one

      That's some top quality research done right there. I congratulate you.

      Now can you tell me which iPad model is the tastiest?

    2. smudge Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: I've just bought one

      How many of these --->>

      would we need to wash it down?

      And please give us regular updates throughout the day, or we will begin to worry about after-effects.

    3. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: I've just bought one

      Lunchtime today, sold out by the time I got there.

      So, have their balti pasty instead. I'll have another go tomorrow, earlier.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: I've just bought one

        That's not a pasty, that's an abomination.

        1. werdsmith Silver badge

          Re: I've just bought one

          I quite enjoy the odd abomination.

          Today I find the calorie count for the footlong sausage roll is 1650

  21. x 7

    Up here in the NorthWest there used to be a small regional chain of pieshops named Birketts who made a fine range of excellent pies and pasties. Not just the ordinary stuff, but a wide range including multiple veggie options (their three-bean chilli pasties were wonderful, as were their cheese and onion pies).

    Then around 15 years ago Greggs bought them out, killed off the existing range and replaced the offer with cheap standardised rubbish. The sausage rolls changed from delightful offerings that tasted of real pork, to sweet tasting tubes of sludge. The veggie range was ditched. The cheese and onion pies were given a new recipe with a heavy pastry and cheap synthetic "cheese"

    Absolute crap

  22. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    Best sausage roll

    Is sold in Gloucester services (the one that looks like a Hobbit hole).

    1. phuzz Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Best sausage roll

      Ah yes, the one twinned with Tebay services. Yep, they completely buck all the trends of UK service stations (except for the prices). Lovely grub :)

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Best sausage roll

        Tebay services

        Stayed there overnight once. Truely the best food I've ever had at a motorway services[1] and put quite a few restaurants to shame.

        [1] Not a high bar admittedly. But Tebay is owned by a local food co-op that take realy pride in having locally-sourced, well cooked food.

        1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

          Re: Best sausage roll

          It's worth driving several junctions in the wrong direction just to visit Tebay & the farm shop.

          1. Pedigree-Pete
            Thumb Up

            Re: Tebay Services

            Regular winner of various categories of best in UK. Our regular 1st stop betwixt West Berkshire and Perthshire. Cumberland Sausage, mash and gravy. Excellent and as an OP said would put many restaurants to shame. PP

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Best sausage roll

          "Stayed there overnight once. Truely the best food I've ever had at a motorway services[1] and put quite a few restaurants to shame."

          Just watched an old episode of Timeshift from the BBC about coach holidays. It seems that back in the days when the M1 was mainly empty and was "open road", ie no speed limit, it was seen as quite a treat to make a special trip to a motorway services for a night out and a meal. And it was recommended you book ahead to get a table. On the film excerpt, a sign was visible above the door stating "Party bookings taken" Not sure which one it was, but one of the two or three that has the big round restaurant perched on top of a tower.

          1. x 7

            Re: Best sausage roll

            " Not sure which one it was, but one of the two or three that has the big round restaurant perched on top of a tower"

            Forton (Lancaster)

            Allegedly also used in an early Dr Who series as a stand-in for the City of the Daleks on Skaro

            I believe the recording is lost

  23. Haku

    Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

    I do like their bread from their closest store to me, I vastly prefer it over the offerings from Sainsburys & Tesco, namely because it's denser so when I cut a good 2cm thick slab off a loaf it doesn't cave in or disintigrate when I spread butter from the fridge on it.

    To me it's worth going 4 miles to there for that bread than 1 mile to the other major stores.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

      They also sell stripy cheese. It's basically layers of different coloured, but not noticably different flavoured, cheddars. But who doesn't want zebra cheese on their tiger bread?

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        Re: Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

        Their meat is also very good as they own their own abbatoirs.

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

          Re: Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

          And they sell ox kidney - which is very important if you want to do decent steak and kidney pudding. They even do combined packs to save you a couple of seconds buying/unwrapping time.

          1. EddieD

            Re: Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

            Up north of the border, it's quite hard to find a butcher that has a decent supply of offal - most of lamb origin goes into haggis, which is a shame because baked lamb's heart is delicious.

            1. Korev Silver badge

              Re: Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

              which is a shame because baked lamb's heart is delicious.

              Absolutely! Post upvoted in agreement.

              When I lived in the UK, I used to get mine from a game merchant rather than a butcher, maybe it'd be the same up North.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

          Personally I've found their meat not to be of a high standard at all but they sell bacon ribs if you ask for it.

          That's right, a rack of lovely lovely bacon.

        3. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

          Re: Whilst we're on the subject of food stuff from Morrisons.

          "Their meat is also very good as they own their own abbatoirs."

          I hear their abbatoirs are also quite outstanding; I understand they were designed by one Mr Wiggins, of Ironsides & Malone.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Mushroom

    I fear for my downvote count....but.....

    The sausage roll of choice for me is the Cornish Bakehouse spicy.........*vegetarian* sausage roll. Cheap, and seriously tasty if you get a warm one, without the snouts, anuses and trotters. There I said it....bracing for impact........

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: without the ... trotters

      "Not for something is it said, For a True Taste of Ankh-Morpork, Try a Knuckle Sandwich."

    2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: I fear for my downvote count....but.....

      All the 'oles: Eye-'oles, ear-'oles and arse-'oles.

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: I fear for my downvote count....but.....

      The sausage roll of choice for me is the Cornish Bakehouse spicy.........*vegetarian* sausage roll.

      Back when The Bakers Oven chain existed, before Greggs bought them out, they used to do a scrumptious vegetable pasty and pie. The filling was like the best Scotch Broth you ever tasted, but much thicker so it didn't run out like soup :-)

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I immediately guessed Greggs

    So was pleasantly surprised; with Morrisons there's a high chance that there will actually be some meat in this.

    Purely in the interests of science and health, I intend to try at least one of these. I will report back in two weeks if still alive.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: I immediately guessed Greggs

      Will need to be significantly more than one in order to get an acceptable sample size.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I immediately guessed Greggs

        I will aim to be statistically valid. Burp!

  26. 0laf Silver badge
    Alert

    Mmmm but Morrison's sausage rolls aren't all the great really.

    Now a foot long Greggs roll of lardy loveliness would be a wonder to behold and devour.

    But haling as I do from the frozen northish bit I can't see past the heavenly delight that is the large Forfar Bridie. Meat and shortcrust pastry in a flat form about the size of a dustbin lid. And it has to be from one shop McLarens. Live have lost in the town in tribal battles over the best bridies McLarens V Saddlers.

    the greatest pork pie I've ever had came form Ye Olde Pie shop in the York Shambles. That was a thing of glory.

    Fk me I'm hungry now.

    1. Franco Silver badge

      Never been much a of a fan of the bridie, always preferred a good Scotch Pie myself. Youngs the baker in Hamilton sell the best I know of, they don't have to be held upside down for a minute before eating to let the grease drip out and the meat is well spiced unlike the bland dross sold by Bell's in the supermarkets.

      I don't know if this is purely a Scottish thing but if we are honouring the traditions of the football season then it should be washed down with Bovril. McDiarmid Park in Perth (home of St Johnstone) was the first ground in Scotland I ever saw selling tea or coffee, prior to that and pre-Taylor Report you could get four things. Pies, bovril, kwenchy kups and mars bars.

    2. Inspector71
      Happy

      Yes but more important than Mclarens vs Saddlers is the question, plehn or ingin bridie?

      And it is spelt peh not pie, my good man.

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "Mmmm but Morrison's sausage rolls aren't all the great really.

      Now a foot long Greggs roll of lardy loveliness would be a wonder to behold and devour."

      Interesting that you mention both Greggs and Morrisons in comparison just an hour after someone else did the same but in the opposite way. I guess it's all a matter of taste. After all, many Americans like "American cheese" :-)

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    She seems to look forward to it!

  28. Winkypop Silver badge

    Foot Long Snag Rolls

    What's not to like?

  29. cambsukguy

    It has been said...

    Never watch Sausages or Laws being made.

    Wise advice, I shall purchase one since M's is easy walking distance anyway.

  30. JDX Gold badge

    Greggs et al sausage rolls are about half that size and cost about 50p and are generally fairly nice... at least they can be in local bakers. So hardly seems that amazing you can get a foot of sausage for a quid given that pastry costs virtually nothing.

  31. juice Bronze badge

    Double the fun...

    But the Pound Bakery has been doing two six-inch sausage rolls for a quid for aaaages now. And as far as greasy tubes of pink protein wrapped in pastry go, they're pretty decent, especially when still warm. And it's a bit easier to save half for later... [*]

    OTOH, their veggie sausage rolls are a bit odd; where most veggie rolls taste pretty much the same as a normal one, PB's have a distinct vegetable-y flavour which isn't entirely to my liking...

    Either way, I've got a road-trip with friends at the weekend, so I may pick up one or two of these new monsters from Morrisons, purely for the comedy value!

    [*] I'll leave the floor open for anyone wanting to make jokes about how many inches you can take at a time, etc, etc

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Double the fun...

      It's not the floor that needs to be open.

  32. Kay_terra

    Artisan, schmartisan

    I will be eating one of these ironically next time I fancy something with my 12%abv £63.00 pint of craft beer on Shoreditch high street.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Artisan, schmartisan

      "I will be eating one of these ironically"

      Sounds painful. I prefer to eat my food orally.

  33. Slx

    El Reg has a pies and baked goods section now?

    IT relevance? Was it made by an artificial intelligence perhaps?

    You can't make something that size for £1.00

    Either it's a loss leader to get publicity (most likely) or, the ingredients are frighteningly cheap.

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: El Reg has a pies and baked goods section now?

      Of course. Much more interesting than apples, chips and enterprise storage.

      And Lester's culinary experiments on his long-suffering children and neighbours are sorely missed.

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: El Reg has a pies and baked goods section now?

      You must be new here, Six. "Bootnotes" covers all sins. Especially if pork related.

      (Yes, I know, joined 5 June 2010)

  34. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

    Morrisons? When I read £1-for-one-foot I was reminded of Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler.

  35. earl grey Silver badge
    Flame

    nothing like hot molten cheese

    To take the skin off the roof of your mouth.

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: nothing like hot molten cheese

      To take the skin off the roof of your mouth.

      I have it on good authority that migrowaving jam tarts for too long can do the same thing.

  36. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah!

    Another idea in action from CMOT Dibbler.

  37. TRT Silver badge

    Yum...

    12 inches of prime pork wrapped in patsy.

    1. Mark 85 Silver badge

      Re: Yum...

      Patsy? How is she doing lately?

      1. jake Silver badge

        Re: Yum...

        With 12 inches of prime pork in her, shes probably feeling rather ... full.

  38. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

    I'm waiting for Lidl to come out with a yard-long for £0.95

    1. GrumpenKraut Silver badge
      Angel

      Expect rapid decline in horse population in eastern Europe.

  39. Tronald Dump
    Joke

    I've got 12 inches

    But I don't use it as a rule!

    1. Pompous Git Silver badge

      Re: I've got 12 inches

      Or as the King said of his newborn son: "To think that this child only twelve inches long will one day become a ruler".

    2. I Like Heckling
      Joke

      Re: I've got 12 inches

      I once walked into a chiropodist and plonked my todger on the table*

      She screamed... 'that's not a foot'

      'I know' I replied... 'but it's a good 11 inches'

      Badum Tish

      * For legal reasons, I cannot condone actually doing this as it could get you arrested and on the sexual deviants lists. It's purely for comedic purposes. :P

  40. Dwarf Silver badge

    A small appetiser

    Sounds like a small appetiser for any of the eating competitions shown on YouTube.

    Man Vs Food, Matt Stonie, Randy Santell or Mikey Chen to name but a few.

  41. J J Carter Silver badge
    Terminator

    Incoming!

    Keep for a week in the hot sun, then deploy as a novelty munition to be released from Reaper drones

  42. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    almost half a kilogram

    A pound, maybe?

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No thanks, I'll stick to my Philps of Hayle Cornish pasties where you can tell the meat really is meat and not pink blancmange.

  44. I Like Heckling

    I make my own sausage rolls, but can't make them that cheaply... I've bought their freshly baked sausage rolls many times, and their Lincolnshire ones are even better. So if this is as good the smaller ones that cost £2 for 4 and each one of those has to be in the region of 5-6 inches long, I don't see why a 12" one for £1 is beyond expectation...What you'd normally see is a company making a supersized one and selling it for 2 or 3 times the price of the equivalent regular sized ones.

    In a time of 'shrinkflation' where you are getting less for more with each passing month... this counts as a good thing in my book.

    I don't buy a huge amount of pastry products these days... but if I see one of these next time I'm in Morrisons, I'm picking one up... It should do me 2-3 portions based on my current average meal size of 350-400g once you add some creamy, cheesey mash, gravy & minty mushy peas.... omnomnomnomnom

  45. Marketing Hack Silver badge
    Go

    Can we call it "Pig Parts n' Pastry"?

    It's probably still better for you than a McDonald's McRib!

  46. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge
    Happy

    Deep fried haggis

    that's all

  47. Shao

    I can think of the next American invention.....

    ....the footlong puff dog for a dollar!

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: I can think of the next American invention.....

      They sold those at Candlestick Park in the late 1960s, but they were 15 cents each. Came with some of the best mustard I've ever had.

      Wrapping meat in pastry prior to cooking it is probably as old as making flatbread, and that goes back at least 10,000 years.

  48. ITBloke

    What happened to shortcrust pastry Sausage Rolls?

    I used to get these from a small bakery in York and they were fantastic. Tried making them myself but never could get that taste which only a well worn bakers oven can infuse....

  49. TheElder

    Speaking of recipes...

    Something I spotted in the news today...

    Cock Jerk Chicken

    1. jake Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Speaking of recipes...

      More properly, that is jerked chicken made with a spatchcocked chicken. Spatchcocking is simply the act of removing the bird's backbone and optionally splitting or removing the breast bone in order to flatten the bird out for even cooking. Apparently short for "dispatched cockerel", in other words male chickens killed before they are fully mature. The technique works well on most fowl.

      My question is, what exactly do you Brits mean by "chilli"? I see this in recipes from Blighty all the time. There are thousands of varieties available, specifying the exact varietal is kinda important.

      I'd post my jerk recipe, but it'd probably be classified as a weapon by your .gov, and thus illegal.

      The beer is RedStripe, mon.

      1. Pompous Git Silver badge

        Re: Speaking of recipes...

        "There are thousands of varieties available, specifying the exact varietal is kinda important."
        According to Craig Dremann (Redwood City Seeds) who supplied me with a variety of pepper seeds many long years ago:

        "There's probably 50,000-60,000 different pepper varieties world-wide, and if you include variations in the different heat levels of individual varieties (like all of the different strains of Jalapeños for example), perhaps as many as 100,000. Only a few thousand of the peppers of the world have been described, and nobody has accurately tested any significant numbers of all those hundred-thousand peppers, for their heat levels."

        I suspect that most Brits would be nonplussed by your Q. The Tabasco bottle only lists vinegar, red pepper and salt. It's not as hot as the homemade chilli sauce my Slovakian neighbour gave me for my birthday and that's yellow. Pepper variety "family heirloom". The dozen spatchcocked quail I received from another neighbour were seasoned with lemon juice, salt, pepper and a little truffle oil when I cooked them.

        I take it your jerk recipe uses Trinidad Moruga Brown or similar. I've never been game to try, but I have friends who love 'em.

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Speaking of recipes...

          I doubt a real number can be put on the actual number of pepper varietals there are world-wide. For example, I have a couple dozen hybrids that only exist here. I'll probably release a few of them once I know they are producing fairly true seeds (with grow lights, temperature control, pushing nutrients and judicious pruning I can usually get four generations per year).

          I'd forgotten about Redwood City Seeds, I used to get seed from them in the late 1970s. I see they have a WWW site (ecoseeds.com). I'll drop 'em a note. Ta for the reminder!

          The pepper in Tabasco is called the Tabasco pepper (surprise!). You can get seed from any decent seed purveyor, should you wish to grow them. They are a fairly nice little plant, quite pretty in the garden, good producer, non-determinate, but only about 50K SHU. They grow well in a Mediterranean climate, but prefer a trifle more heat. I like 'em scrambled into eggs with a little red onion, and always have a couple fruiting.

          I'd be curious if that family heirloom had a name "back in the old country". I'm betting its a hybrid of the Hot Hungarian Wax ... but I've always got my eyes open for new varietals to try here in Sonoma.

          I can make the jerk with any of my hot peppers, but the varietal I was thinking about was the Carolina Reaper in this case, probably with some Aji Amarillo thrown in because I like the flavo(u)r combination. Note that the heat level can be adjusted up or down with the application of more or less of the pepper(s) in question.

          1. Pompous Git Silver badge

            Re: Speaking of recipes...

            "I'm betting its a hybrid of the Hot Hungarian Wax"
            I'm not familiar with that variety, but Sonja's chillies are Habanero shaped and waxy. I grow Jalapeño because I like the flavour a lot. If I need more heat I use commercial dried and ground Cayenne. The shop I purchase from grinds its own spices so it's always fresh.

            Recently deceased friend of mine grew Carolina Reaper and a number of other extra hot selections. I tend to go easy on the heat in dishes and let those who want the extra oomph add it at table.

            Give my regards to Craig. I still have his seed catalogue from back in ~1984 somewhere. Probably the only one he ever sent to Tasmania :-)

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