back to article The ultimate full English breakfast – have your SAY

A turf war has broken out among the scribes at Vulture Towers North over the fried delicacies that should and should not be included in the world famous Full English gut buster Breakfast. Based as El Reg is, in deepest hipster central - East London - we've witnessed people starting their day in local coffee shops, consuming …

  1. Your alien overlord - fear me

    You posh nounces what with your plates. Everything should be wedged inside a couple of slices of bread.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Slices of bread aren't suitably large. You want an Oven Bottom ( a massive barmcake ).

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        WTF is a barmcake?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          A barmcake? Its the banjo bit in the phrase "bacon banjo"

          Obviously.

        2. Tom 7 Silver badge

          Barmcake

          In theory barmcake is a white bread leavened with barm - that's the vigorous froth seen on the top of a beer brew going at full tilt. This gives is extra flavours of malt and hops. Haven't had one for 30 years but still remember them as being 'lush' in modern termibollockly. I'd be worried about a modern version that isnt made the proper way - or possibly worse from a craft brewery using citrusy hops - the only citrus allowed near a full english is in the bloody mary used to pad out the ketchup.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Oi, it's a muffin.

        Here we go...

      3. Stanislaw
        Boffin

        This is no time for breads

        Barmcake?

        I think you mean a bap (West Midlands) or a cob (East Midlands).

        However I'd go for a Staffordshire oatcake every time.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: This is no time for breads

          Sorry but in this case it's an oven bottom muffin

          http://www.ovenbottommuffins.co.uk/

          http://www.warburtons.co.uk/products/rolls/white/4-oven-bottom-muffins

        2. Alister Silver badge

          Re: This is no time for breads

          The chief place for bread products in an English Breakfast are as toast, with lots of butter (just in case there's still some gaps in your arteries) and loads of Marmalade, either Orange or Three-Fruits.

          The injection of the citrus element acts as a degreaser to help break down the truly life-threatening amounts of fat you have just consumed.

          1. Frederic Bloggs

            Re: This is no time for breads

            Marmite!

          2. macjules Silver badge
            Mushroom

            Re: This is no time for breads

            Exactly. Cold plain bread is the last resort of them that can not either toast nor fry their bread.

            The best breakfast I have ever tasted was at a B&B in Padstow, but sadly they went out of business several years ago. Baked beans made with a dash of L&P and tomato relish mixed in. That delicate combination of (slightly) runny egg yolk and crisp fried bread plus properly smoked back bacon, home-made black pudding, genuine pork sausages with none of that 'organic', 'farm-reared', 'slaughterhouse friendly' BS that we get with London 'Wholefoods' stores. Supplement that with toast, tea and Tiptree 'Tawny' Marmalade and if I am going to perish from heart disease then I am sure as hell will go with a smile on my face after that.

            There is definitely a craft to doing a good English Sunday morning fry-up.

      4. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "You want an Oven Bottom"

        Erm, what do the Kardashians have to do with English Breakfast? (wafflebutt, perhaps?)

        Pommes for the poms?

    2. Richard Gray 1
      Boffin

      Bread?? Stottie

      There is the option of the full breakfast "in a bun", or actually a Stottie.

      A Stottie is a type of large bread-bun-esk loaf around the size of a small dinner plate or a large side palte, and is about an inch and a half thick.

      It has a very dense crumb, making ideal to be cut in half (2 semi circles) the sliced carefully to make a pocket to allow your full fried breakfast (bacon,sausage,fried eggs, beans if you wish) of choice to be inserted and eaten on the go.

      Ideally with runny fried eggs so the yolk drips down your chin, or "kept for later if you have a beard"

      Oh for a time machine to visit that particular Van in Team Valley about 30 years ago!!!!

      1. Mycho Silver badge

        Re: Bread?? Stottie

        Some of us have to settle for a pizza base.

      2. peterm3
        Pint

        Re: Bread?? Stottie

        There's a scene in Withnail and I featuring a full English and I think yolk dribbling. That film is fairly snobbish I think.

      3. Triggerfish

        Re: Bread?? Stottie

        I'll go for that, as a student the local meat supplier for the butchers was round the corner and they used to have a sandwich shop attached. One of those Stotties as a loaded with bacon, sausages. egg, black pud, eggs, beans, tomatoes, mushrooms the full works. Cost next to nothing, and would feed a couple of hungry students and you'd not want lunch there was that much.

        Also bread, friend in Bacon fat, give your arteries a work out.

    3. ritey

      i cannot wedge whiskey in bread

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        You're not trying hard enough!

      2. Chemical Bob

        "i cannot wedge whiskey in bread"

        You're holding it wrong.

    4. TheVogon Silver badge

      I note that the edges of those eggs look burnt / brown. Amateur job...

      The egg white should be white. The yolk should be runny and yellow with the white over the top just cooked enough so that there is no slime...splashing a bit of hot fat across the top is the usual method.

  2. malle-herbert Silver badge
    IT Angle

    Runny eggs ?

    No thanks !

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Runny eggs ?

      Runny yolk, yes please. Runny white, no thanks - unless I'm in France eating a galette crepe complete, in which case I 'do as the Romans'.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Runny eggs ?

      Forget Brexit? It’s not possible. Remainers just want to eat yancy nancy croissant and just pretend they like a good full English breakfast.

      1. SniperPenguin

        Re: Runny eggs ?

        "Forget Brexit? It’s not possible. Remainers just want to eat yancy nancy croissant and just pretend they like a good full English breakfast."

        Whilst Brexiteers want a greasy "Full English" (oddly, not British..., funny that ;-) ) with a copy of the Sun....

        Ironically cooked by an immigrant, but he's alright, because he cooks full English breakfasts :)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Runny eggs ?

          @SniperPenguin; "Whilst Brexiteers want a greasy "Full English" (oddly, not British..., funny that ;-) ) with a copy of the Sun...."

          I note the article itself says "Let's come together and unite the British nation by selecting [title: "The ultimate full English breakfast"]"

          Oddly, as a Scot, someone conflating Britishness and Englishness tends to make me *less* inclined to unite with the British "nation".

          Except possibly being dragged out of the EU by England and Wales, having been on the end of a scaremongering Unionist campaign that Scotland's place in the EU would be threatened by independence.

          Yeah, but not as much as by remaining hitched to the whims of a bunch of Little Englanders, right? Talking of which...

          "Forget Brexit."

          No- you take *your* Brexit and shove it so hard you'll *never* forget about it. You lot voted for it, now you've got it.

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Runny eggs ?

          "oddly, not British..., funny that ;-)"

          I've seen "Full Sottish" on the menu in Scotland. Never seen a Full Welsh though and not been to Norn Iron!

          1. BongoJoe

            Re: Runny eggs ?

            Welsh Breakfasts do exist. Especially in the Welsh speaking heartlands of North Wales and the Llŷn.

            1. x 7 Silver badge

              Re: Runny eggs ?

              "Welsh Breakfasts do exist. Especially in the Welsh speaking heartlands of North Wales and the Llŷn."

              Doesn't a Welsh breakfast involve fried seaweed / laverbread?

        3. TheVogon Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: Runny eggs ?

          "Ironically cooked by an immigrant, but he's alright, because he cooks full English breakfasts :)"

          Well, it does keep them away from begging and screaming drunken Celtic slogans from outside London railway stations ...

  3. TheBishop

    Proper Full English

    It is of course a matter of personal taste, but for me:

    Bacon - don't mind what type but it must be nice and crispy

    Fried egg, yolk must be runny (to dip your sausage and fried bread in)

    Fried bread - has to be white bread, not too thick and properly fried all the way through

    Sausage - a nice Cumberland or similar

    Tomatoes - real tomatoes halved and fried in the pan. Need to be good quality ones

    Baked beans - good quality, and not cooked to death and then left under a heat lamp for hours either

    Tomato ketchup - a generous dollop on the plate, not on any of the ingredients. How can a mere chef possibly know where I want to put it?

    And, of course, the meal must be accompanied by a generous mug of proper British tea (I believe this one was already settled by the Reg a while ago) and, if possible, a couple of slices of buttered toast

    What's not to like?

    1. Lusty Silver badge

      Re: Proper Full English

      "British tea"

      It's called English Breakfast Tea actually. It's literally designed and named for this purpose.

      1. phuzz Silver badge
        Megaphone

        Re: Proper Full English

        "English Breakfast Tea"

        That's the sort of nonsense they drink in America. No, a proper fry-up should include a constant supply of builders tea. Not "a cup", but either a bloody great pot of tea, gradually stewing over the course of breakfast, or the kettle on almost permanently for top-ups.

        There's a time and a place for Earl Grey, or Assam or whatnot, but a fry-up requires a beverage with no subtlety or nuance, just a mug full of tannins.

      2. bombastic bob Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Proper Full English

        "It's called English Breakfast Tea actually. It's literally designed and named for this purpose."

        I can get that over here across the pond (Twinings) at any grocery store, along with Bigelow's 'English Teatime' (very similar, strong black tea). Makes for good iced tea, too. 4 bags per 5 quarts, on the stove for 10 minutes, cool down (inside the pot) in a sink of water, then into a 5 quart pitcher in the fridge (with 2.5 cups of fake sugar). Keeps me going for a day.

        I had an "English Breakfast" when I was in Hong Kong in the 80's. It seemed to be the only thing on the breakfast menu that was close to something I am used to. The only thing unusual (to me) is that they cut the bread crust off of the toast. Other than that, same kind of thing they serve every morning in diners across the USA (like Denney's, IHOP, etc.).

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Proper Full English

          IHOP?!! You admit to eating at IHOP? Absolutely no one outside of the USA does (which rather puts the lie to the International part)

        2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          "I can get that over here across the pond (Twinings) at any grocery store, along with Bigelow's 'English Teatime' (very similar, strong black tea). Makes for good iced tea, too. 4 bags per 5 quarts, on the stove for 10 minutes"

          FFS buy a bloody kettle! You *cannot* make tea in a pan on the stove! Bloody heathen!

          1. Emmeran

            Re: Proper Full English

            "FFS buy a bloody kettle! You *cannot* make tea in a pan on the stove! Bloody heathen!"

            Southern sweet iced tea *must* be made on the stove. You definitely need to get out of your northerly climes a little more often.

      3. Alister Silver badge

        Re: Proper Full English

        It's called English Breakfast Tea actually. It's literally designed and named for this purpose.

        Only in America, perhaps. Here in Britain, it's a choice between Tetleys, PG Tips, or supermarket own brand, well boiled, and three sugars... Builder's Tea, that's what you need.

        1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          Not Yorkshire tea?

          1. Dave 126 Silver badge

            Re: Proper Full English

            If you can't get proper tea to drink with your full English breakfast then engine degreaser makes an acceptable substitute. And vice versa.

            Sadly, the best 'English' breakfasts are in Cardiff at Tuck-Ins. They used to open at 3am to serve bin-men and taxi drivers, and the occasional international rugby team after a post-match drinking session. You could feel your arteries fur over as you ate, the bacon was that good.

        2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          Twinings do Assam or English Breakfast. Both excellent - I prefer the Assam.

          It's basically builders tea but made with the actual tea leaves - not the twigs.

        3. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          hoice between Tetleys, PG Tips, or supermarket own brand

          Or - if you prefer to be drinking proper leaf tea rather than random floor sweepings, there are some fine strong malty teas (Assam or Ceylon for example).

          Properly brewed in a proper teapot.

          (Or my home mix - 40% licorice tea[1], 30% Lapsang Souchong and 30% Darjeeling. The strength depends on how much you put in the pot and how long it brews).

          [1] Not actually made of licorice - it's standard black tea with added botanicals. Avalable from Atkinsons online shop in Lancaster: https://www.thecoffeehopper.com/product/319/liquorice.htm

          Truely wonderful.

        4. Dave Stevens

          Re: Proper Full English

          On this side of the pond, Tetley comes in green tea, black tea, English blend, orange pekoe, Earl Grey, premium bland, original, you name it. I might find PG Tips at an import shop, like a Scottish store.

          English Breakfast Tea is a black tea blend, which I like. The default tea here, including Tetley is an orange pekoe blend which I can't stand.

          What I regret not trying when I was in London/Maidenhead is the white and black puddings. Everything else is easy enough to find anywhere.

        5. Lusty Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          "Only in America, perhaps. Here in Britain, it's a choice between Tetleys, PG Tips, or supermarket own brand, well boiled, and three sugars... Builder's Tea, that's what you need"

          All of which are...English Breakfast Tea. It's a blend of tea, not a marketing term.

      4. This post has been deleted by its author

      5. Lith

        Re: Proper Full English

        Creature, I name thee Troll!

    2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: Proper Full English

      You are quite simply, demonstrably wrong.

      Unsmoked bacon

      Fried eggs, runny yolk

      Fried white bread

      Cumberland sausage ( with you so far )

      Mushrooms

      Tinned plumb tomatoes

      Brown sauce

      Black pudding

      Either English breakfast tea or if you're feeling exotic, a mug of coffee.

      1. Vinyl-Junkie
        Coat

        Re: Proper Full English

        Plumb tomatoes? I prefer my breakfast unleaded thanks!

        1. Dave 126 Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          I'm with TheBishop all the way here. If someone put a touch of cheese and butter into the baked beans during cooking I wouldn't object, though.

          1. This post has been deleted by its author

        2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          Southern ponce. Up north we eat lead for breakfast.

          ( Obviously I meant plum, dunno where I got plumb from - perhaps full english cravings clouding my judgement )

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Proper Full English

            "Southern ponce. Up north we eat lead for breakfast."

            Luxury! 'Round 'ere we eat a handful of rat poison (cold) and stab ourselves to death with broken bottles for breakfast.

          2. TheVogon Silver badge

            Re: Proper Full English

            "Up north we eat lead for breakfast."

            That explains a lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUR1jeJYX7Y

      2. Pedigree-Pete
        Thumb Up

        Re: Proper Full English

        Have an upvote. I missed out Tinned Plum Tomatoes. A must on my breakfast plate. PP

      3. Jamesit

        Re: Proper Full English

        "Tinned plumb tomatoes"

        Tinned????!!!! I prefer fresh!!!!

      4. Alex Wilson

        Re: Proper Full English

        I was with you right up until 'tinned tomatoes' and brown sauce... fried tomatoes are vile, but tinned? Surely an abomination?

        A mans choice of condiments is between you and whatever deity floats your boat (brown sauce is nasty though)...

      5. Captain Badmouth
        Windows

        Re: Proper Full English

        "Tinned plumb tomatoes"

        The cans are lined these days and I'm not sure they're soldered, so no lead for you.

        Otherwise I'm with you on the tinned variety, the juice cuts through the fat and makes it feel healthy.

        p.s. boiled, not fried.

        If you're having laverbread, fry it in the bacon fat.

        Heart attack icon------>

        1. jake Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          Proper canned tomatoes are in glass, not anything that requires soldering.

    3. Len Goddard

      Re: Proper Full English

      I mostly agree but ...

      bacon should be smoked back bacon, dry cured by hand (none of this water-injected crap or spray-on smoke), and not cooked until hard.

      I'd like some black pudding

      Beans must NOT be Heinz - they have a distinctive aftertaste I despise

      Side of toast? Depends on how generous the provision of fried bread.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Proper Full English

        @len goddard

        "Side of toast?"

        In Britain we call it a "round of toast". Well the proper parts of Britain do.

        Source: I'm a common Manc.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: Proper Full English

          "Side of toast?"

          In Britain we call it a "round of toast". Well the proper parts of Britain do.

          Posh git. Slice of toast. Unless you buy that posh round loaf for your toast, it's square or oblong (rectangle is posh too!)

          Source: I'm a common Manc.

          Bloody southerner!

    4. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

      Re: Proper Full English

      "What's not to like?"

      The fried tomato. I just can't do the fried tomato. I was on a course with a colleague many years ago, having breakfast, and he told me this story;

      A few weeks previous him and some mates had gone to the seaside for the weekend, and stayed in a guest house. The landlady was apparently smoking while cooking their breakfast, and they could hear her hacking and coughing, which alarmed them quite a bit. When their breakfasts arrived, one of them looked quizzically at the plate, and said "is that a fried tomato, or has the old dear brought up a blood clot?"

    5. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Proper Full English

      Bacon - yes to nice and crispy but not burnt to a frazzle like them Yanks.

      Sausages - A nice Lincolnshire (with extra seasoning) is perfect for a full english.

      The problem is getting a really good one. Thankfully my local butcher is a prize winner when it comes to Sausages but even his aren't a touch on what I used to get as a child from Reynolds Butchers shop in Chatteris. (mid 1960's). They were really special.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: Proper Full English

        "They were really special."

        Yes, the lack of sawdust really tells! Damned EU regulations!

    6. VinceH Silver badge

      Re: Proper Full English

      "Bacon - don't mind what type but it must be nice and crispy"

      Ditto.

      "Fried egg, yolk must be runny (to dip your sausage and fried bread in)"

      I tend to go for scrambled, but sometimes I'll opt for fried instead - in which case, yes, definitely a runny yolk.

      "Fried bread - has to be white bread, not too thick and properly fried all the way through

      Sausage - a nice Cumberland or similar"

      Ditto to these.

      "Tomatoes - real tomatoes halved and fried in the pan. Need to be good quality ones"

      And that's where it's gone horribly wrong - I really don't like fried tomatoes.

      "Baked beans - good quality, and not cooked to death and then left under a heat lamp for hours either"

      And now we're on the right track again.

      "Tomato ketchup - a generous dollop on the plate, not on any of the ingredients. How can a mere chef possibly know where I want to put it?"

      Don't even put it on the plate - let ME do that!

      "And, of course, the meal must be accompanied by a generous mug of proper British tea (I believe this one was already settled by the Reg a while ago)"

      When I'm away from home (the only time I have a full English), I don't drink tea. At all. No bugger seems to make it to my taste! It's coffee, always, because I'm a lot less fussy with that.

      "and, if possible, a couple of slices of buttered toast"

      And why not?

    7. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Proper Full English

      "What's not to like?"

      Your glaring omission of black pudding and mushrooms fried in butter is what.

      A Bury pud, steamed, split in't middle and slathered w'mustard.

      Thats proper scran right there. Reg Northerners, you know what I mean.

      If you need an international twang, throw in 'ash brown or two.

      Also, who the fuck has ketchup. HP all the way.

    8. Sgt_Oddball Silver badge

      Re: Proper Full English

      What's not to like?

      Well the tomato sauce would ruin an otherwise perfect full English. The sauce, it must be brown!

    9. Pedigree-Pete
      Pint

      Re: Proper Full English

      @ The Bishop. Not far off. Fried bread OK, but toast will do. Baked Beans, when did that become part of a Full English. Tomato Ketchup, maybe but HP Sauce it should be even tho' it features the Houses of Parliament on the bottle but is made by Danone (French;Tsk). You've got fried tomatoes.

      Egg, yes, soft yolk, firm white. Sausage, there are so many to choose from but for an "English" breakfast Cumberland is not a bad choice. Perhaps for our Welsh, Scottish and Irish friends you may consider Lambs sausages, Square sausage and Soda bread. Perhaps 3 new threads on the Full Scottish, Full Welsh and the irreplaceable Ulster Fry. PP

      ICON>>> Beer is not just for breakfast, you can have it all day if you like. :)

    10. James Anderson

      Re: Proper Full English

      Almost there -- you missed out the black pudding friend until surface is crunchie.

      Disclaimer as a Scot going off-topic and recomending full scottish:--

      More of less as above but:

      Nice thick smoked back bacon -- fried not grilled.

      Beef sausage.

      Small round of Haggis instead of (or as well as Black Pudding).

      Preferably tinned tomatoes -- fresh is acceptable if you are a wimp who went to a posh school.

      Toast (even wholemeal toast) is acceptable if you have insufficient frying pan capacity.

      Mug of strong tea.

      Pint of 80/- if its after 10:30.

    11. rsole

      Re: Proper Full English

      Swap out the tomato sauce / ketchup and put in mushrooms and I am with you.

  4. Lusty Silver badge

    "A big bone of contention was the type of cooked egg that should grace a fry-up - should it be fried or scrambled?"

    Scrambled eggs aren't fried. I consider this permission to slap anyone who suggests scrambled eggs are the proper egg for a fry-up.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      You can scramble eggs in a frying pan - it's better too.

      Although it has no place in a full english.

    2. Geoff Campbell
      Boffin

      Scrambled eggs

      I make scrambled eggs by frying them in butter. There is no other way.

      However, eggs are an abomination, and have no place in a decent breakfast. Lots of Vitamin P, some mushrooms and fried tomatoes. Black pudding is mandatory. Beans optional, but not for me, thanks. Tinned tomatoes are also an abomination, and should be reserved for chilli con carne.

      Tomato sauce? What are you, five years old? In what universe does any meal require cheap sauces from bottles?

      GJC

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Scrambled eggs

        Why not both? :)

      2. Alister Silver badge

        Re: Scrambled eggs

        However, eggs are an abomination, and have no place in a decent breakfast

        Oh come on GJC, how can you have a proper fried Breakfast without runny eggs to dip things in?

        1. Geoff Campbell

          Re: Runny yokes

          I am very, very mildly OCD. I only realised this fairly recently, when I read that reacting badly to mixtures of runny foods was a classic symptom.

          I grew up in a classic '70s household, where fried eggs with runny yolks were a staple foodstuff, served at least once a day, not least because we kept some chickens so they were essentially free. Always with lashings of ketchup. Which is a combination that triggers a really, really violent revulsion in me to this day.

          I've only relatively recently understood that it wasn't the eggs that were the problem, just the mixture of runny yolk and ketchup. I can now eat omelettes and scrambled eggs, and I even managed a fried egg last year, albeit with a yolk very much on the solid end of the spectrum.

          GJC

          1. Alister Silver badge

            Re: Runny yokes

            Geoff, I sympathise, the combination off ketchup and egg yolk is revolting to me too. However, for me the solution is simple... No Ketchup! :)

            1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

              Re: Runny yokes

              "Geoff, I sympathise, the combination off ketchup and egg yolk is revolting to me too."

              It's not so much having both as the horribly disgusting pink colour it goes when mixed. Solution? Keep the yolk and ketchup separate!

      3. VinceH Silver badge

        Re: Scrambled eggs

        "some mushrooms and fried tomatoes. Black pudding is mandatory."

        Mushrooms are on the list of things that I would like to see all traces of put in a rocket and fired into the sun.

        As noted in another post, I don't like fried tomatoes - but they aren't bad enough to make that list, and the same for black pudding.

        "Tomato sauce? What are you, five years old? In what universe does any meal require cheap sauces from bottles?"

        My taste buds have never matured. I love a splash of tomato sauce on things - although I have cut down somewhat, after once being asked if I wanted any more chips to go with my tomato sauce.

        1. Mr Sceptical
          Happy

          BEANS!

          I'm with you on the mushrooms, they grow on dead things for crying out loud.

          However, fried tomatoes are OK, as long as you're using olive oil to fry in.

          And I gently fry my baked beans every morning to get a nice thick goo. After years of testing (yum), I've come to the conclusion Tesco beans are best value for money & taste. I dabbled with Branston ones for awhile, but they were too salty to eat daily.

          Sausages should always have 85%+ pork content, that's why I avoid them when staying in most hotels....

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: BEANS!

            as you're using olive oil to fry in

            Eww. Just.. eww. Stuff fried in olive oil (even really good olive oil) tastes rancid to me. Which is odd because I like olives..

            If I'm frying stuff I generally use peanut oil or rapeseed oil. Unless it a North Indian curry - in that case it tends to be mustard oil..

            Hmmm.. curry...

            That's tonight's tea sorted. A small diversion via our favourite takeaway[1] on the way home methinks!

            [1] Friday is no night to be cooking.. Detracts from the wine-drinking time which means that The Last Leg won't be as funny..

          2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: BEANS!

            "I'm with you on the mushrooms, they grow on dead things for crying out loud."

            Erm, most of the rest of your full english is grown in dead stuff, shit or even chemicals. The remainder is dead pig and, if having black pudding, the not nice bits of dead pig. Lurverly!

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Scrambled eggs

          Mushrooms are on the list of things that I would like to see all traces of put in a rocket and fired into the sun.

          I used to hate them (and my nephew still does). However, my tastes have changed..

          Especially raw - wonderful flavour[1]! Or lightly fried in butter then finished with a small splash of lemon or lime juice.

          [1] I feel all Mastercheffy..

      4. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Scrambled eggs

        "I make scrambled eggs by frying them in butter. There is no other way."

        3 eggs, about 30% by volume of full cream milk and two heaped teaspoons of Maykway Curry Sauce powder, all whisked. A little butter in the frying pan, sizzling, pour in mix. once it starts to set, begin stirring so you get nice big curds. Once it's gone to lumps, add more butter so as to fry the curds till they start to brown a bit and go a little crispy.

      5. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Scrambled eggs

        "Tomato sauce? What are you, five years old? In what universe does any meal require cheap sauces from bottles?"

        Erm, we're talking proper "greasy spoon" Full English, not Gastro Pub posh crap!

  5. LegalAlien

    Hash browns... or fried potatoes

    All the above, but need some potato carbs please. That is all.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: Hash browns... or fried potatoes

      That's what the fried bread is for.

      1. LegalAlien

        Re: Hash browns... or fried potatoes

        Agree with fried bread... but in addition to potatoes!

        1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

          Re: Hash browns... or fried potatoes

          Agree with hash browns or fried potatoes, but bread should be toast on the side, with real butter (spread while hot) and a decent chunky marmalade.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Proper rashers please

    back bacon is for pies and sandwiches.

    Mines the runny fried egg to dip hash browns in and black pudding on the side, so I get some healthy vitamins :)

    As I am clearly a bit too posh, I also prefer proper sausages with named meat. At one place I worked for even the canteen staff called the cheap ones "x-files sausages" as it was simply a plastic bag of pink...Obviously aliens

    1. SkippyBing Silver badge

      Re: Proper rashers please

      One of my local curry houses has a list of options for their dishes i.e.:

      Prawn

      Lamb

      Chicken

      King Prawn

      Meat

      We have yet to summon the courage to sample a 'Meat' dish. It's not even any cheaper than the other options!!

      1. Vinyl-Junkie

        One of my local curry houses....

        As many (former) residents of the Indian sub-continent, and their descendants, eat neither the flesh of the pig nor of the cow/bull, it can be safely assumed that "meat" equates to lamb. Such labelling is certainly not uncommon in my part of the UK.

        1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

          Re: One of my local curry houses....

          it can be safely assumed that "meat" equates to lamb.

          I think that 'meat' might actually equate to 'beef'. No-one object to lamb/mutton/goat.

          1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

            Re: One of my local curry houses....

            I think that 'meat' might actually equate to 'beef'

            Or shorthand for "whatever was cheapest at the cash 'n carry the day before"..

      2. Mark 110 Silver badge

        Re: Proper rashers please

        I have a photo of a menu board in Egypt with an 'Omnifarious' option . . .

      3. Floydian Slip
        Pint

        Re: Proper rashers please

        Ah yes, undefined "Meat" and that's why the great UX expert Jakob Nielsen got his name for web menus and navigation where the destination was unclear. He called it "Mystery Meat Navigation" navigation items where the destination is unknown.

        On a slightly different front, one of the reasons why a lot of curry houses have red light is that it makes it much harder to determine the type and quality of "meat" on your plate.

        Any cats gone missing recently?

        Beer icon 'cause you need one whatever type of meat you're dealing with

      4. Vic

        Re: Proper rashers please

        We have yet to summon the courage to sample a 'Meat' dish.

        Do it!

        "Meat" is invariably mutton. For a strongish curry, that's far better than lamb - although the taste is very similar, it's much stronger, so it doesn't get crowded out by the curry...

        Vic.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Proper rashers please

          For a strongish curry, that's far better than lamb

          This is not reassuring for someone[1] that hates the taste of lamb. And goat (to me, goat tastes just like slightly-gone-off lamb).

          Herself likes lamb but is ambivalent about beef. Which is why she as several lamb-shanks in the freezer and I have some nice bits of sirloin..

      5. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Proper rashers please

        My first order would have been meat but then again I've eaten Kangeroo and Crocodile.

      6. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Proper rashers please

        We have yet to summon the courage to sample a 'Meat' dish

        Check it over with a pet-tag detector first :-)

    2. Sweep

      Re: Proper rashers please

      As a skint student I did a couple of shifts in a factory making cheap "value"supermarket snags (the kind that lose their shape if defrosted). I don't mind the less appetising parts of an animal and the sausages were mostly made up of colourless fat and gristle. It was the amount of chemicals added (to make them pink etc) and "filler" that swore me off the cheap ones.

  7. BoldMan

    Tomato has no place in a Full English - its a fruit for god sakes!!!! Or is it a vegetable? Who cares to be honest - there is a time and place for tomato and that is NOT my Full English!

    Hash browns? yes please!

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Plumb tomatoes cut through the fat of the fried bread, although brown sauce does the same job. I prefer both.

      ( Also you've got to make a sarnie out of fried bread by folding it in half and filling it with bacon sausage mushroom egg and tomato )

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Plumb tomatoes"

        They are plum tomatoes. Presumably there is some malapropism with the weight on a plumb line?

    2. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
      Trollface

      A wise man once said...

      @BoldMan - as the old saying goes:

      Knowledge is knowing that the tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad...

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        If you need to cut through the fat of the fried bread, use it as a base for your beans.

        Delicious.

    3. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      dipped in bacon fat and grilled

      A tomato, halved and doused with bacon fat then grilled, is no longer either a fruit or a vegetable, but a culinary art-form.

      1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

        Re: dipped in bacon fat and grilled

        Not forgetting Worcestershire Sauce.

    4. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Tomato has no place in a Full English - its a fruit for god sakes

      Well - brown sauce contains quite a lot of tamerind and that's a fruit too (and a relative of the tomato).

    5. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "Tomato has no place in a Full English"

      20p tin of supermarket chopped tomatoes, in the pan, knob of butter, dash of Worcestershire sauce (optional, but fun to hear Yanks try to pronounce it), bring to boil then simmer till the juice and butter form a nice thick sauce.

      1. Swarthy Silver badge
        Paris Hilton

        What's so funny about yanks trying to pronounce "what's-this-here" sauce?

        1. jake Silver badge

          I thought it was ...

          ... "Warsh-yer-sister" sauce.

  8. Chris G Silver badge

    Flexible

    I don't think the total dish should be written in stone as appetites vary from day to day as do cultural differences across the nation.

    However, there are one or two essentials without which, it is not a British breakfast. Bacon is the first and prime ingredient, it can be streaky, back,or any other part of a cured pig as long as it real .eat and not that reconstituted crap they serve up in left pondian establishments that has a closer relationship with chipboard than bacon, my preference is the huge rasher that you get in old fashion ed transport cafes, salty with acouple of little bones.

    Fried eggs are a must, if you wan t scrambled by all means add a slice of toast and top it with scrambled eggs but they must have been cooked with butter not margerine. A couple of regionally appropriate bangers, beans, fried tom's, fried mushrooms, fried bread, hash browns seem to be common now but are not really British. Not last or least, black pudding is a must for me, I love the stuff.

    If in Glasgow you can add anything dipped in batter that can fit in the deep fryer.

    I can't continue...... must,,,,,,get,,,,, to,,,,,,, cafe,,,,now!

    PS I almost forgot bubble and squeak a truly British breakfasty thing

    1. Pedigree-Pete
      Thumb Up

      Bubble and Squeak....

      Oh how did we forget bubble and squeak, topped with a nice fried egg. MMmmmmmmmmm. PP

  9. Steve 114

    Get it right

    Must have fried bread - pronounced "froyd sloyce", or it's not even breakfast (US 'hash browns' simply won't do, Mr Chain-Hotelier - nor toast, Mrs Dainty B&B). No beans unless you're a trucker needing bulk, because the sauce conflicts with the essential 'fresh tomato'. And add lava bread if you want to be even more regional than black pudding.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Get it right

      "And add lava bread if you want to be even more regional than black pudding."

      Also Potteries oatcakes are the definitive for a finger food wrapping - unless you are very posh and eat them with a knife and fork.

    2. qwertyuiop
      WTF?

      Re: Get it right

      "And add lava bread..."

      I think you mean laverbread (made from Laver seaweed). Of course, if you like hot, molten rock as part of your breakfast I apologise.

      1. Vinyl-Junkie
        Trollface

        if you like hot, molten rock as part of your breakfast...

        ...then you are clearly a troll!

    3. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: Get it right

      When i first came to Britain I heard of two things: fried slice and chip butty. Both sounded disgusting to me.

      Then I had a fried slice. OMFG.

      Later I had a chip buttie and new what heaven was, and did my damnedest to get there by eating many.

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: Get it right

        People say English food is awful, but the good stuff is peasant food - just like in Italy.

        Pudding, peas, chips and gravy - I challenge any country to rival that with their own peasant food ( expensive french restaurants need not apply ).

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Get it right

          A British friend in France was having some work done on her house, and introduced the workies to beans on toast, They were unsure until the first bite, now they can't get enough!

        2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Get it right

          People say English food is awful, but the good stuff is peasant food - just like in Italy.

          For many years the height of British cuisine was represented by Mrs Beeton and her ilk. Who did her best to destroy all traces of flavour from her recipes..

          Before her, British food was very well regarded in Europe. And now we are starting to get back to that situation. Whilst the supposed home of gastronomy (France) is going the other way, especially in bulk catering. I've had some very memorable meals in France, some for the right reasons and some for very much the wrong ones..

          And, lets not forget, in the old days before proper heating was invented, British cuisine was intended to enable the people to survive long, cold winters and so was heavy on high-energy calorie sources like fat and heavy stodge.

          1. tfewster Silver badge
            Pint

            Re: Get it right

            One of the best "Full English's" I've ever had was a pub in Amsterdam. With a pint of Guinness, at 10am. Before heading off to the Heineken brewery tour. So I can't remember the details of the contents, but the whole stag party of Brits-abroad was well impressed.

  10. Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse Silver badge

    Sorry for the thread subversion...

    Rather than go for the best one... the worst "full English" I ever had the misfortune of eating was served up by Nandos at Gatwick Airport last year; and yes, the irony of Nandos serving a full English is not lost on me. It does not forgive however the fact that I did not finish it, because it was actually inedible.

    The reason I mention it here is because the unforgivable inclusion of the bowl for containerising the beans in your headline picture looks suspiciously similar to how they serve theirs.

    1. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: Sorry for the thread subversion...

      I too saw the terracotta abomination and thought 'fast food outlet', but were it Nando's, all is explained.

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Sorry for the thread subversion...

        I too saw the terracotta abomination

        In our house, dishes like that (but a fair bit smaller) are used for cat food.. (The wine vendor I use went through a phase of including Tapas dishes for free in some of their wine cases. Since we didn't have any other use for them they got diverted to feeding the horde..)

        I have to admit never having visited Nandos. I'm not in a tearing hurry to change that situation - especially as we have a nice piri-piri restaurant in town.

      2. tfewster Silver badge
        Facepalm

        Re: Sorry for the thread subversion...

        @ Hollerithevo - You used "food" and " Nando's" in the same sentence - shome mishtake, shurley?

  11. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    There has to be black pudding

    No decent breakfast could be complete without it. Not the dried-up stuff that's been sitting under keep-hot lamps on a buffet for hours either, but freshly fried.

    As to the frying, that really shouldn't be too greasy. The way I was taught, by my Dad, was to fry the bacon (back, of course) first, leaving the bacon fat in the pan. Then very briefly put the bread into that, a quick dip on each side to coat it but not to let the fat soak too far in. Lift it out, pour off the excess fat, and put the bread back in the pan with the black pudding. Lightly fry both until just crisp on the outside, but not soggy.

    Sausages should be pork (none of this turkey nonsense), any good brand without gristly bits.

    Of course, even a good English breakfast pales when faced with the proper full Irish, which adds fried potato bread, and some toasted soda bread with butter and marmelade on the side. And Irish Breakfast tea.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: There has to be black pudding

      Dip?! How fatty is this bacon?!

    2. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: There has to be black pudding

      Any sausage? Are you mad, Sir?

      Cumberland or Lincolnshire sausages are surely the only choices.

      Cumberland if you can get a proper butchers curly Cumberland sausage. If not, Lincolnshire is more reliable.

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: There has to be black pudding

        Cumberland or Lincolnshire sausages are surely the only choices.

        Not when you have a decent real butcher in the village...

      2. Alister Silver badge

        Re: There has to be black pudding

        Cumberland or Lincolnshire sausages are surely the only choices.

        Tomato sausages, they are awesome, but only available from select butchers. Once you've had tomato sausage with a breakfast, you won't want anything else.

    3. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Full Irish?

      Once (and once only) I tried the full Irish at a country cafe in Donegal. All proper ingredients, local meat etc: From memory, it was something like:

      3 big sausages

      4 thick rashers of bacon

      2 fried eggs

      2 slices of black pudding

      ditto white

      several hash browns

      tomatoes (for the vitamins)

      Baked beans

      several slices of fried bread

      - and a massive bowl of chips on the side. Plus soda bread, tea etc.

      I think they printed the phone number of the local cardiac unit on the plate.

    4. StephenTompsett

      Re: There has to be black pudding

      I'm not sure it's permissible for a 'Full English', but I have a preference for the Scottish Stornoway style Black Pudding over the typical English Style. With a runny egg of course.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: There has to be black pudding

        "I'm not sure it's permissible for a 'Full English', but I have a preference for the Scottish Stornoway style Black Pudding over the typical English Style. With a runny egg of course."

        Here in the north of England I find our traditions are somewhat blurred with the Scots. We both say 'aye', sometimes small things are 'wee' and children are in places referred to as 'bairns'. And like the Scots, we love a good blood sausage in our morning fast-breaker, but I would add, however, that the 'Full Scottish' variant of the breakfast takes it to another level. I had one once in Fort William which, on top of the usual bacon, eggs, sausage, tomato, mushrooms, beans and black pudding came equipped with a couple of slices of fried haggis (expect no less) and in place of the fried bread a fried scone!!! <-Yes, it required THREE exclamations. It seemed to me as though witchcraft were afoot - what was this confection doing on my plate in place of the usual fried gold? But I persevered and EEERRRR MAAAAH GEEERRRRRDDDD what an absolute taste sensation - you have to give it a try, but just not the fruit scones eh? ;)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: There has to be black pudding

          Got to wonder where the cook was from. A full Scottish breakfast should have a scone - but a potato scone. Could this have been some crazy mix up?

          I'm often disappointed with B+B breakfasts when travelling to the Highlands, as too often they seem to be some variation on full English, rather than full Scottish. If there's no square sausage and tattie scone on my plate then I'm not happy.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nobody has mentioned toast....

    My proper breakfast has a rack of toast and a pot of soft butter to melt into it. I cant decide if proper thick bread from bakery or standard white slices are more traditional though.

    This is just to mop up the sauce of course.

    Can you actually get a proper fried breakfast in east London then?

    surely its about £6.95 for a shot of organic coffee and latest fashionable fad bean paste on gluten free wraps for another tenner?

    Maybe I recall a different London

    1. TheBishop

      Re: Nobody has mentioned toast....

      No, I don't think you can get a proper fried breakfast in London; I've tried. If you want one, move north.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Nobody has mentioned toast....

        It's impossible to find a good breakfast in the posh part of Bristol... all the eateries keep finding new ways of faffing them up. There was a very good greasy spoon Clifton before it moved down to the city centre, then it closed down completely - its name escapes me.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Nobody has mentioned toast....

          here was a very good greasy spoon Clifton

          There's a reasonably good one in Brislington - on the same industrial estate as the Morris Minor Centre. We sometimes visit them when t'missus drops the old rust-bucket there[1] for it's regular replacement-of-bits-that-have-rusted-off..

          [1] No - not me.

      2. Vinyl-Junkie
        Flame

        Re: Nobody has mentioned toast....

        Borrocks! Loads of places to get a proper cooked breakfast in London, you just need to know where to look.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Nobody has mentioned toast....

          I got an amazing breakfast at the taxi drivers cafe just outside of Gatwick Airport. Hidden away at the back looks like a truck stop one.

    2. Hollerithevo Silver badge

      Re: Nobody has mentioned toast....

      Yes, London has its secret breakfast oases, and I happen to be near one situated a stone's throw from Ludgate Circus. Old-fashioned caffs still clinging by their fingers...

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Nobody has mentioned toast....

        "Old-fashioned caffs still clinging by their fingers..."

        Yes, often well hidden down back streets/lanes/alleys, where the rents a lower. If you stick the main roads you'll miss them.

    3. Alister Silver badge

      Re: Nobody has mentioned toast.... and the Marmalade to go with it!

      To me, it doesn't count as a "Full" breakfast without the toast and marm to follow it. This is accompanied by a further pint or so of tea.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    2 Sausage, 2 Bacon (Back), Fried Egg (Solid but only just), 1 Black pudding, 1 Hash Brown, Beans, Fried Mushrooms, 2 White Toast, Pint of Lager.

    Now, that's a proper f*cking breakfast.

    Granola/yogurt and turkey bacon are the work of the devil and if you eat them god will smite you and call you a tw*t. He'll even let you get to the pearly gates just so St Peter can give you a slap before you get cast unto the fiery pits of hell.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Fucking lager? Who the pish drinks lager? Bloody soft southern shandy drinker - if you can't drink half a pint of pig's blood with your breakfast at least man up and drink a proper beer!

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        man up and drink a proper beer!

        You appear to have mis-spelt "cider"..

  14. astrax

    Bubble?

    Where's Bubble in the list? For me, it's always difficult a difficult choice between bubble & squeak and hash browns. That's why I generally go for both :)

    1. BoldMan

      Re: Bubble?

      What a wise and sensible solution! I'd forgotten about bubble and squeak...

  15. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

    And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

    What are the company's views on kippers? Which ones, and how should they be served?

    1. smudge Silver badge

      Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

      how should they be served?

      Not within 50 miles of me.

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

        The best serving of kipper I can remember was some decades back at a mate's wedding.

        Before he and the new missus went off in his Cortina, the best man wedged a kipper on the exhaust manifold,apparently the smell lingered for the whole two weeks of the honeymoon.

        I wouldn't want to eat one though.

      2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

        Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

        Well, I must admit I'm disappointed over the lack of support for the finest Craster and Manx produce. All the more for me, I suppose...

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

          "Well, I must admit I'm disappointed over the lack of support for the finest Craster and Manx produce. All the more for me, I suppose..."

          Like you, I also enjoy a kipper now and then, but it has no place whatsoever in a Full English.

          (Full disclosure, by kipper, I mean the fishy goodness. The political kippers can also be fun, but only in a "playing with your food" kind of way)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

      I can think of a lot of things I'd like to do with 'kippers. The G&S line about "something humorous but lingering..." would seem to be appropriate, given the distinctly unfunny and lingering fate they've inflicted on the UK.

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

        Leave the politics out of it. We're discussing something more important and more partisan than mere politics.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

        distinctly unfunny and lingering fate

        You appear to be in the wrong thread, this is for Breakfast not Brexit.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: And for the days when a lighter meal might be considered

          But "Brexit means breakfast!" Or did I mishear?

  16. smudge Silver badge
    Holmes

    from north of the border

    The Scots amongst us will also recognise the importance of:

    - haggis - most likely as an alternative to the black pudding - had this in a hotel in Orkney this month, and it was delicious

    - a slice of fried fruit pudding - to be honest, I'm not a big fan of fruit with meat (see also some types of curry, and also pineapple on gammon) but it is traditional.

    Sherlock because he wore an Inverness cape.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: from north of the border

      How about a fried Mars bar too?

      1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

        Re: from north of the border

        How about a fried Mars bar too?

        Not for breakfast - strictly an after pub and before hospital delicacy.

  17. Vinyl-Junkie
    Pint

    Personally...

    ...my ultimate home cooked Full English (usually pre-beer festival for its absorbent qualities!) consists of:

    Two sausages, one pork and herb and one pork (local butchers, 85% meat), grilled

    Two rashers of smoked back bacon, grilled until they're safe, but not much more (also locally reared and cured)

    Two lambs kidneys, butterflied and cleaned, grilled

    Two slices of large black pudding, or half a small pudding sliced, grilled

    Heinz baked beans

    Two grilled tomatoes

    Around 250g of closed cup mushrooms, thickly sliced and fried in olive oil

    1 large flat mushroom, grilled

    Fried egg (over-easy as our Colonial friends put it)

    Thick slice of bread, cut from a loaf and neither toasted, buttered nor fried (put on the plate first and with the beans poured over)

    Worcestershire sauce on the beans, no other sauces

    If I happen to have any left over potatoes in the fridge I'll slice them and fry them with the mushrooms

    Icon because of what usually follows starting about two hours afterwards and for the rest of the day!

  18. Mycho Silver badge

    Fried OR scrambled eggs?

    Since when was this either/or? Fried on the left, scrambled on the right, meat in the middle and plant produce where it will fit.

    1. Vic

      Re: Fried OR scrambled eggs?

      plant produce where it will fit.

      The bin?

      Vic.

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Fried OR scrambled eggs?

        The bin?

        No - he[1] won't eat it. Compost heap is the best place.. (vegetables - the stuff you feed to food..).

        [1] The dog. He'll chew it and then spit it out all over the carpet..

        1. Mycho Silver badge
          Pint

          Re: Fried OR scrambled eggs?

          Baked beans are okay. And they're from plants. So is beer for that matter, not that I have tried it for breakfast since university.

  19. Jay 2

    For me, I would expect the following:

    Sausages, bacon, eggs (fried or scrambled), beans, grilled tomato, some buttered toast and a cuppa, the availability of both tomato and brown sauce

    Optional extras that I wouldn't say no to, but are not essential:

    Black pudding, mushrooms, hash browns, fried bread, orange juice

  20. rmason Silver badge

    I'm shocked by the amount of folk suggesting hash browns.

    NO.

    They have no place on a full *English* breakfast. Heathens.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      I'm also surprised by the popularity of poor quality sausages and beans. And the lack of black pudding on many lists.

      What is this? France?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        What is this? France?

        Black Pudding qv Boudin Noir

  21. LegalAlien

    Regency Cafe

    In Pimlico, best full English breakfasts ever. Also cool that the mega violent Layer Cake film scene was filmed there.

  22. Dave 126 Silver badge

    Great. Now I've got Procol Harem's A Whiter Shade of Pale in my head, set to images of eggs being fried in grease.

    1. Admiral Grace Hopper

      We are certainly drifting into the arena of the unwell.

  23. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

    GNU TERRY PRATCHETT

    “They don't go in for the fancy or exotic, but stick to conventional food like flightless bird embryos, minced organs in intestine skins, slices of hog flesh and burnt ground grass seeds dipped in animal fats; or, as it is known in their patois, egg, sausage, bacon and a fried slice of toast.”

    ― Terry Pratchett, Mort

  24. wiggers

    I'd go for fried egg (runny), sausage, smoked back bacon, tomato, and mushrooms fried in butter. I have tea first thing but freshly ground filter coffee with double cream float after breakfast.

  25. Franco Silver badge

    Tattie Scone is another essential ingredient north of the border, and most of us up here will also prefer square sausage. It's pronounced "squerr", it's never called Lorne and it almost certainly isn't actually square, but such are the ways of things.

    As an aside, seeing as hipsters are the cause of this article, a story from the 80s.

    The Glasgow Herald (as was, now just The Herald) used to run a column called Tom Shield's Diaries for it's more irreverant stories. Concerned about the gentrification of Glasgow in the yuppie era, they ran a comparison of the working man's breakfast in the 70s vs the 80s.

    Then:-

    Bacon, sausage, black pudding, fried egg, tattie scone, all wrapped in a city bakeries roll

    Now:-

    Bacon, sausage, black pudding, fried egg, tattie scone, all wrapped in a city bakeries croissant.

    1. Chris G Silver badge

      Croissant

      Croissants have their place (Parisian railway station cafe) but are not breakfast.

      How can you take something that looks,as though a baker had a bit of dough left over and didn't know what to do with it so he rolled it up and threw it in the oven anyway, as a serious part of ' the most important meal of the day' ?

  26. Richard Wharram

    The basics

    3 well-cooked sausages

    Tinned tomatoes with loads of pepper (over the sausages)

    2 extra-crispy slices of smoked back bacon

    2 hash browns

    1 fried egg (runny yolk for dipping in)

    1 slice of black pudding

    1 slice of fried white bread

    Quantities may be increased in times of need.

  27. Winkypop Silver badge
    Flame

    Amateurs!

    Bacon, sausages (2), poached egg (2) (runny), fried tomato (half), thick toast (2), black AND white pudding, mushrooms, hash brown, baked beans and HP sauce! Oh, and espresso coffee, no tea.

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Amateurs!

      Poached egg? Coffee?

      Rebel scum.

  28. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

    Two bacon, rashers, not smoked.

    Two sausages, Lincolnshire.

    Fried bread.

    Fried egg with a runny yoke.

    Mushrooms.

    Beans.

    Mug of tea.

    No sauce required. Tomatoes are an abomination. Hash browns aren't English.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      On a diet?

  29. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    Stop

    Bloody Brits!

    It's chlorine-washed chicken, hormone-stuffed burgers and chemically created cheese slices for me. Served on a bed of E-numbers and additives.

    I have been preparing for brexit and a US trade deal for months now. It's not bad once one has gotten used to it. I've lost a lot of weight and one quickly gets used to the diarrhoea.

    1. ukgnome Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Bloody Brits!

      Why would you put them on a bed of E numbers and not FDA approved additives?

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Bloody Brits!

        Why would you put them on a bed of E numbers and not FDA approved additives?

        It's a soft Brex̶i̶t̶akfast.

  30. GlenP Silver badge

    For me:

    In no particular order:

    Unsmoked bacon (just crispy, not burnt)

    Sausages (pref. Cumberland)

    Fried Egg (runny yolk)

    Fried/grilled tomato

    Fried Bread

    Black Pudding

    Beans and hash browns are acceptable but not traditional.

    Regional variations such as haggis or potato cakes are also fine.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There's a Learned Society for everything...

    http://www.englishbreakfastsociety.com/index.html

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Does the method of cooking have a significant effect?

    Whether I use the frying pan, griddle, or electric grill - I can never reproduce the Sunday morning fry-ups of my childhood. They were cooked on a tin or aluminium plate under a fierce gas grill. The bacon would not only be crisp - but the rind would "pop" to double its volume. Very crisp with a texture like a Crunchie bar.

    There would be unsmoked bacon - possibly sausage or black pudding too. A runny yoke egg. Then grated "yellow" or "white" cheese which melted into a colourful pool against the juice of the tinned plum tomatoes. Possibly a spoonful of Heinz beans. No sauce in our house - even though pals ate "The Perishers" style ketchup sandwiches.

    If it wasn't Sunday then there was a slice of fried white bread. On Sunday we would go to the Potteries oatcake*** shop round the corner while the breakfast was being cooked. The griddle range was set up in someone's front room and open for a very limited number of hours in the week.

    The oatcakes had to be eaten warm as finger food - wrapped round a portion of fry-up with the grease running down your fingers. The trick was to load it just short of the point where the sharp bacon would otherwise rupture the thin oatcake and cause it to start disintegrating.

    A sophisticated addition in later years were sliced button mushrooms. My sister won a bet of 1/- from our father for daring to eat those.

    ***Potteries oatcakes are like a thin pancake or a crêpe - but made with fine oatmeal and yeast.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Are you frying in vegetable oil? Lard may be your missing ingredient.

      ( Unfortunately SWMBO'd hates the smell of lard, which severely curtails the quality of our full englishes ).

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "Are you frying in vegetable oil? Lard may be your missing ingredient."

        Lard? Are you a southerner? Beef dripping all the way! Sadly, very difficult to get proper beef dripping with the pale brown colour these days. It's all filtered and clarified to a pasty white mush with no flavour. Use it and drain it back into a mug and leave in the fridge. After three or four fry-ups it starts get some proper flavour!

  33. PhilipN Silver badge

    White pudding??????????

    Gawd awlmighty. This may be Bootnotes but puh-lease be serious.

    1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: White pudding??????????

      Fine, but in context - in Scotland, after the pub, a small whole white pudding, battered and deep fried, to accompany the chips. Heart attack in a bag, but ooooh, so tasty.

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: White pudding??????????

      This may be Bootnotes but puh-lease be serious.

      Also known as "Hogs Pudding" - basically black pudding without the blood. Made for people with an aversion to eating blood..

      It can be quite nice but is often bland, especially if made with insufficient pepper.

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: White pudding??????????

        So it's a pile of oats and spices? What holds it together?

        1. Mycho Silver badge

          Re: White pudding??????????

          What holds it together?

          The tears of angels.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: White pudding??????????

            White pudding has just enough pork to act as a binder. I make it a few times a year.

            I also make "Tom Thumb" which is a kind of sausage stuffed into a pig's appendix. Tasty, but seeing as you can only make one per pig ...

  34. lee harvey osmond

    poached? mustard? rocket?

    Eggs to be fried by default, options include poached or scrambled.

    In the case of fried or poached, the yolk is to be soft.

    Tomato ketchup, or brown sauce, or mustard. Or several.

    I have heard of some establishments where I live, in God's Own Southend-On-Sea, providing a sprinkling of rocket on the fryup. This is an abomination and my Inquisition will be dealing with it.

    1. Vic

      Re: poached? mustard? rocket?

      a sprinkling of rocket on the fryup. This is an abomination and my Inquisition will be dealing with it.

      "Salad isn't food. Salad is what food eats".

      Vic.

  35. ukgnome Silver badge

    2 eggs - fried

    1 fried bread

    1 toast

    tomato - grilled or tinned

    beans

    2 x hash browns (or other potato product)

    2 rasher bacon

    2 sausages

    Mushrooms (fried in butter)

  36. frank ly Silver badge

    Turf War?

    It's a doctrinal jihad!

  37. DontFeedTheTrolls
    Pint

    I see a distinct lack of coffee or tea being mentioned. Preferably unlimited refills.

  38. JimRoyal

    You really need to sort yourselves out. I had a look at the picture in this piece and was horrified to see something green on the beans and tomato. No part of a proper English breakfast is green. And what the hell are those beans doing in their own dish. Poncey metropolitan gits.

    Fried egg. 1 or 2. Scrambled is NOT an option.

    Bacon. 2 rashers. Unsmoked, back or streaky.

    Sausage. Cumberland.

    Beans

    Toast

    I think after that you can add extras from a list of acceptable options

    Tomato, mushrooms, fried bread, black pudding, fried potato (must be mashed)

    Hash browns are an abomination from a former colony that has lost the plot.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "Hash browns are an abomination from a former colony that has lost the plot."

      Yep. Well made ones can be nice, even for brekkie, but not part of the Full English!

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge
    2. Pedigree-Pete
      WTF?

      Baked Beans...

      "Hash browns are an abomination from a former colony that has lost the plot."

      So are baked beans and as such do not belong on a Full English. PP

  39. Ben1892

    Sausages - any local variety with a good herb flavouring

    Bacon - fried well enough so there's no stringy-ness to the rind but not so overdone it shatters

    Tomatoes - personally I don't like these but they should be included for a "proper English"

    Black Pudding - essential for the peppery spice it brings to the party

    Fried eggs - runny yolk

    Fried bread - fat soaked all the way through and crisped up enough, but again - no shattering!

    Anyone who adds mushrooms is just plain wrong, but any variety of sauces and condiments are acceptable.

  40. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

    Abomination in the sight of God

    Our local cafe (which welcomes hippies) has recently added what it calls 'Vegan black pudding' to the veggie breakfast. The mind totally boggles - how can you have vegan blood pudding? Squeeze the juice out of a beetroot?

    Having said that I am partial to the odd veggie brekkie in another cafe in Aberystwyth. Obviously not a real full English (or Welsh) but they understand the concept - 2 slices fried bread, 2 hash browns, 2 nice fried veggie sausages, 2 fried eggs, sliced mushrooms fried in butter, baked beans (and I have some tinned toms as an extra)

    1. Diogenes

      Re: Abomination in the sight of God

      Just wattched an episodeof the Australian Better Homes and Gradens, and blasphemy of blasphemies, has a donut made with beetroot

    2. davemcwish

      Re: Abomination in the sight of God

      I used to have vegetarian leak sausages in a certain purple-hued city center hotel chain. Quite nice they were too and better than the porky ones. Until that its they went to the dark side and went to Quorn branded ones. Other tasteless meat substitute products are available.

      1. Chris G Silver badge

        Re: Abomination in the sight of God

        I lived in North Devon for a couple of years in the late '70s, I remember a very hippie veggie cafe in Barnstaple called Sunfoods, they made veggie Cornish pasties that were as good as the real thing.

        On a side note a Devonian treat to rival an English breakfast for artery clogging goodness was Lardy cake. Made with a lard based dough, dried fruit and added sugar, it could equal a brekky in terms of cholesterol and carbs then had enough sugar in it to make a dentist smile.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Abomination in the sight of God

          they made veggie Cornish pasties that were as good as the real thing.

          I've passed your details onto t'missus. Being of Cornish stock[1], she has a somewhat firm view of what constitutes a proper pastie.

          And it doesn't involve meat-substitutes. Expect an outraged delegation of piskies sometime soon.

          [1] Any jokes about being overboiled and reduced too far (she is under-tall) are not appreciated.

    3. Mycho Silver badge

      Re: Abomination in the sight of God

      Vegan black pudding?

      *googles*

      That ... actually sounds kinda tasty. I mean if you can't get good black pudding. I'd always prefer the vegan alternative to the cheap stuff. Bacon excepted, cheap bacon's nice.

  41. yellowlawn

    Here you go ladies, the Fat Bastard Special. And just down the road from me

    https://goo.gl/svUdX3

    1. Franco Silver badge

      Man v Food has a lot to answer for!

      mate of mine lives in Bristol though, so I'm sure he'll have sample that one in Portishead.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Mushroom

      https://goo.gl/svUdX3

      Aaaaarggg!!!. There should NEVER...EVER...EVER...be bowls of anything on the plate. FFS I've been in pubs and they server the curry in a BOWL on the plate with the rice! No proper breakfast has a bowl of toms and bowl of bean on the plate. It ALL goes on the plate!

      Phew! I feel better now.

  42. Black Rat

    Hienz beans, Cumberland sausage really?

    IMHO the classic full English breakfast should only be made from ingredients sourced at the local cash & carry and served in the ambiance of a run down 1960's café. Smedley's baked beans stewing in the pot for a week, Ketchup that could strip paint and sausages of such questionable content a tourist from Ankh Morpork would feel at home.

  43. davemcwish

    Bubble & Squeek or Chips

    My local has this option but I think that's too many carbs. On sausage, and being a Jock, I'd prefer mine to be square and not long and thin covered in an edible case.

  44. Just Enough

    Breakfasts around the nation

    How is a discussion about an English breakfast going to unite Britain?

    All it's going to do is emphasis the difference between the "full English" and the "full Scottish", and I don't doubt there's a "full Welsh" as well.

    1. Mycho Silver badge

      Full Welsh

      In Swansea you could get a full english style breakfast with whelks.

    2. Franco Silver badge

      Re: Breakfasts around the nation

      There is also a Full Irish and the Ulster Fry

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Full_breakfast#England

      I don't think it's something you can definiteively categorise though, we've already seen from the other comments that there are huge local variations across England. Given that it's often post-alcohol breakfast for so many people, what goes in will be determined by what's in the house.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: Breakfasts around the nation

        "there are huge local variations across England."

        Well, historically, England is also united kingdom in it's own right. Even the certain Cornish are trying to claim they are a separate nation, despite the genetics showing they are all Grockles. Personally, I'm a member of the Northumbrian Popular Front. Frreeeeeeedommmm!!!!!! (and black pudding!)

        1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

          Re: Breakfasts around the nation

          "Personally, I'm a member of the Northumbrian Popular Front."

          Splitter!!!

          But yes, Freedom!

  45. muddysteve

    OK - here we go

    Quantities up to the individual.

    Bacon - unsmoked - crispy - preferably streaky

    Sausage(s) - ideally Lincolnshire or Cumberland.

    Fried bread - white.

    Egg(s) - fried with runny yolk

    Black pudding - ideally the Scottish stuff with oats in that goes really crunchy

    Baked beans - Branston - not Heinz

    Mushrooms

    Bubble and squeak - ideally made with leftover sprouts - cooked so that you get crispy bits in

    Tea - mug of

    Bread and butter to mop up the bean juice and egg yolk.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: OK - here we go

      Streaky bacon is only useful for pigs in blankets.

      1. Pedigree-Pete
        Thumb Up

        Re: OK - here we go

        @discustedoftunbridgewells.

        I thought pigs in blankets was a leftpondian reference.

        We call them kilted sausages. PP

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: OK - here we go

      Bacon - unsmoked

      Why are so many people going for this? *Proper* bacon is smoked..

      (My version of the FEB is: Bacon (lots). Sausages (several, preferrably Cumberland). Mushrooms (lightly done in butter). Eggs (two, fried with solid yolk). Fried potatoes (preferrably, left over ones boiled the previous day, left to go cold and then fried). No beans, black pudding or tomatoes[1]. Although, if you must have tomatoes, make it fried fresh tomatoes, not plum tomatoes out of a can)

      [1] Sadly, they react badly with my Annoyed-Rottweiler-mode immune system and give me joint pain. As do uncooked citrus fruits.. Which is a shame because I really, really like tomatoes and citrus fruits..

  46. GorgeFodder

    Hospital Canteen

    From our canteen, run by a French company. You can get for £4: 2 Lincolnshire sausages, 2 rashes unsmoked back bacon, 2 slices black pudding, scrambled eggs, hash brown and a bottle of OJ.

    This is the best breakfast.

  47. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Half English

    I've always disliked the term "full english".

    How many other meals have to be prefixed with word explaining , not very well, the proportion of the meal you will be getting?

    And this on a meal that no one seems to agree what the "full" list is!

    Also the terms hal , 3/4 , whatever are never used. sometimes "small" is - presumably to indicate you are getting a less than full full english?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Half English

      "Full" indicates the bare minimum of bacon, sausage, eggs, tomatoes and beans. "Small" merely means a smaller quantity of each of the full list of ingredients, eg only one sausage, one slice of bacon etc. Simples!

  48. Oddbodd

    At least two sausages. At least two rashers of bacon, nicely crisped. None of this chewy nonsense. Black pudding definitely. No two ways about that. Eggs fried, yolk runny. As long as we have all that, add whatever else you want - hash browns, mushrooms, beans, but remember - the tomato is just there to make it look nice. Never eat the tomato.

    1. Anonymous Custard Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Nah, the tomato is there to get an extra sausage or rasher of bacon by requesting a substitution.

      At least it is for me at Garfunkels in Gatwick ready for the stupid o'clock EasyJet flight out to the continent, but then I don't like tomatoes anyway.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "At least it is for me at Garfunkels in Gatwick ready for the stupid o'clock EasyJet flight out to the continent, but then I don't like tomatoes anyway."

        Yikes! I'm surprised places like that haven't gone full "motorway services" yet. Each item on the plate priced separately. Even the butter and marmalade for the toast! Even if you just go in for toast and coffee, they charge extra for the butter. Who the hell would buy toast and expect to eat it dry?

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Baked beans, sausage, half-boiled eggs, tomatoes from a can. An empire was built on that suffering!

  50. roiperez

    Perfect full english

    Bacon - back bacon, ideally grilled, crispy, 2 rashers

    Eggs - fried, yolk must be runny, 2 of em

    No friend bread, crusty wholemeal bread for me, toasted til golden, lots of real butter

    Sausage - would eat any, prefer better quality ones, 2 please!

    Tomatoes - real tomatoes halved and fried in the pan. Need to be good quality ones, well seasoned.

    Baked beans - Heinz baked beans, in their own ramekin

    Tomato ketchup - on the side!

    Mushrooms, fried with lots of garlic.

    Black pudding - two slices.

    Black coffee, 1 sugar, and orange juice on the side.

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The "K" Word

    Kippers.

    There, I said it.

    Relax, I don't commute on the tube, and go through a complete decontamination shower before leaving the house.

  52. RyokuMas Silver badge
    Coat

    To quote James Bond

    “I don’t drink tea. I hate it. It’s mud. Moreover, it’s one of the main reasons for the downfall of the British Empire. Be a good girl and make me some coffee”

  53. arfamind

    Everything starts with a B

    Back Bacon, Black pudding, Baked Beans, Bubble & squeak , Bangers, Brown sauce, Button mushrooms, Buttered toast, Builder's tea or Black coffee and, errrr, Beggs

  54. Chz

    To taste

    What *should* be in there is entirely to taste, so long as it comes from a definitive list of acceptable ingredients (which has been discussed to death). I don't like tomatoes. Some people hate mushrooms. I'll only eat black pudding if it's the oaty, Scottish stuff and not the fatty Bury style. That's fine, so long as their replacements come from an accepted list. There's some arguing to be had (I like streaky bacon, but I don't think it belongs in the FEB), but I think we're fairly clear on what's OK. The closest thing to proper heresy I've seen here is that some people don't like tea.

    What's more interesting to discuss is what *shouldn't* be in a Full English. Like omelettes, and chips. Not that an omelette with chips isn't a nice breakfast, but neither of the items have any place in a Full English. Or putting it all on something other than a fucking plate. Yes, I've eaten breakfast off a slate tile, and no I wasn't amused by it.

    1. Roger Varley

      Re: To taste

      Breakfast off a slate? There's worse. Much worse. (Cite: http://wewantplates.com/)

      1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: To taste

        I ate in a chain pub a few months ago. They were serving the carvery on prison trays.

  55. 45RPM Silver badge

    It's not difficult. Just add everything.

    Fried egg, runny yolk x2

    Fried slice

    Baked beans

    Fried tomatoes

    Fried mushrooms

    Fried potatoes

    Bacon x2

    Black pudding x2

    Sausages x2

    Chilli sauce

    And all washed down with strong black coffee.

    And don't get religious about the sauce either - save the prejudice for whether to eat veggie or pork sausages.

  56. Murphy's Lawyer

    Crisp back bacon. Sausages with at least 90% pork and some texture. Fried bread - toast at a pinch, or farl if you can get it - to soak up the yolk from the runny fried eggs (sunny side up or over easy are equally valid). A large tomato, halved, and properly cooked on both sides. Black pudding - white pudding instead or as well if you prefer.

    There are never enough mushrooms.

    Grilled lambs' kidneys should never be turned down if offered.

    Baked beans are optional.

    Hash browns are a heresy.

  57. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBBBWuypBZc

    Bacon: dry cured, smoked or not to taste.

    Eggs: fried, hard white, soft yolk.

    Beans: Sainsburys', full fat none of your reduced salt and sugar tasteless pap.

    Fried slice: A bit yuppie, I know, but sourdough makes a damn good fry.

    All else is optional. And a cup of lapsang souchong... https://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/02/15/cuppa_round_up/?page=2 :)

  58. smudge Silver badge

    Steak frites!

    Gatwick Airport used to have a branch of Chez Gerard. Once arrived there at stupid o'clock for an early flight, after a 90 minute drive.

    One of the best breakfasts I have ever had :)

  59. Just Helen

    Hash browns are an abomination. It's got to be Tattie scones, though I've recently been introduced to the Staffordshire oatcake, which will definitely be making an appearance on my breakfast menu from now on.

    1. Just Another Script Monkey

      Up vote for Staffordshire Oatcakes

  60. Rol Silver badge

    How not to do it

    Visit many of the cafes and restaurants in England and order a full English breakfast, and what you get is exactly what a proper English breakfast should not look like.

    Firstly, if the bacon came from a supermarket it isn't bacon, well it is in a very superficial sense, but any form of matter that is only two dimensional has no substance. You'll need to go to a proper meat retailer to buy bacon.

    Secondly, and oh boy have I had some arguments about this one, buttered bread, NOT SLICED IN HALF!!!! It's the choice of the eater to make or not make a sandwich out of the smorgasbord of deliciousness, not the goose-stepping, Nazi, butty fascist "chef"

    And black pudding, which should be at least half an inch thick, and not sliced into nothingness as they do with bacon.

    The rest is pretty standard, oh, except for the brown or red sauce argument. It is perfectly acceptable to force the people who have a one bit digital taste bud to eat their sugar ruined meal out of sight, like behind a skip or in a toilet cubicle.

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Minimum vs Best

    The minimum fry-up:

    Bacon - any

    Sausage - any

    Egg - Fried or Scrambled

    Sauce - Brown

    Beverage - Tea

    .

    The best fry-up :

    Bacon - Streaky

    Sausage - Cheap and cheerful (the lower the meat content the better)

    Egg - Fried

    Black pudding

    Plum Tomatoes - with plenty of pepper

    White bread - plenty of it

    Sauce - Brown

    Beverage - Tea

    .

    Things that don't belong on a fry-up : grilled tomatoes, Baked beans, potato of any kind, bubble & squeak, sausages with more than 50% meat content.

    .

    Regardless of the above, I think we can all agree that fry-ups always follow the rule :

    "any other meal" < "bad fry-up" < "minimum fry-up" < "best fry-up"

    1. Aladdin Sane Silver badge

      Re: Minimum vs Best

      Streaky bacon? Get to fuck.

  62. hatti

    The essential ingredient

    The Full English Breakfast always tastes better with a hangover.

  63. insane_hound

    Full English:

    2 good quality sausages

    2 good quality slices of Back bacon

    Fried egg (or 2)

    several slices of Fried Bread

    Black pudding (from good butcher - not supermarket)

    mushrooms

    Fried tomato

    NO, and I repeat NO baked beans!!!!!!!!

    Accompanied with English breakfast tea and freshly squeezed orange juice

  64. Just Another Script Monkey

    Fried Bread? oh Gods no...

    I will stick anything in my mouth, up to and including deep-fried-battered-chocolate-covered kangaroo, but please don't make me eat Fried Bread! Just make me a cup of warm lard instead.

    ... and Eggs have to be fried and runny.

    and Brown Sauce.

    and don't put posh sausages in either. None of this Apple and Sage stuff. I like them, but no point when covered in egg yolk and brown sauce.

    and only 2 vegs. Take your pick, Beans or Toms (never both,) Mushrooms, fresh Tom (but not with tinned)

    And it taken after 11am, Chips. Lots of Chips...

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: Fried Bread? oh Gods no...

      If you have room for chips, you're not eating enough meat.

      ( No fried bread? What's wrong with you man? )

      Where's the black puddings? I could go on, but we'd fall out.

  65. RealBigAl

    Carbs

    If a lack of a tattie scone option isn't grounds for a second Scottish independence referendum I don't know what is!

  66. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
    Pirate

    Dammit, it's lunch time... must be time for a Full English.

    Bacon (snoked, back), sausages (butchers, not walls), tomato (halved, fried), fried egg, baked beans, fried white bread... I'm coming to eat you all! (with some brown sauce)

    Black pudding has no place on my plate though.

  67. Chris Jasper

    The ideal full English

    2x Smoked Back Bacon

    2x Cumberland Sausage

    1 Fried Egg

    2 Slice's Black Pudding

    Peeled Plum Tomato's

    Mushrooms

    1 Black Coffee

    2x Toast, buttered for the egg yolk

    And peace and quiet

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: The ideal full English

      Peace and quiet?

      I think you mean Sky Sports Sunday Supplement?

  68. Rol Silver badge

    Betting on breakfast

    many years ago, I used to rent a room in my mates house, who being veggie, insisted the whole house was veggie.

    No problem, as just down the road was a brilliant cafe.

    Full breakfast was a feast:- thick cut bacon and black pudding, with everything else in similarly, go large, quantities. After eating, it was arguable whether I was affixed to the planet or the planet was affixed to me.

    Well such a feast didn't come quick, so with time to spare I amused myself on one of the many poker machines or pinball machines they had. By the time the meal turned up, I had usually clocked up about a tenners profit which they duly paid out. (Obviously not always, but on sufficient enough occasions for me to have eaten there for years at no cost)

    Years later a friend mentioned the place had featured in the Guardian's good food guide, and I thought I'd make an effort to call back....What a disappointment. The gambling machines had gone, the ethos of service had been replaced with some perverse take on profit maximisation and the food no longer satisfied at any level, be that quality, quantity or value.

    How is it that we're told the world is moving forward, when experience suggests the opposite is true?

  69. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Definative list

    Includes:

    Back bacon (smoked)

    Eggs (fried, soft yolk)

    Sausages (pork)

    Beans (baked)

    Bread (toasted sliced white with butter)

    Bread (fried)

    Mushrooms (fried)

    Sauce (red)

    Abominations to avoid:

    Hash browns

    Grilled tomatoes

    Black pudding

    Brown sauce

  70. Just Helen

    Sausage - Cheap and cheerful

    Definitely! I bought some gluten-free sausages recently by (expensive) mistake. 97% meat may be wonderful if you're coeliac, but they're not a proper banger.

    Another major feature of a fried breakfast has to be the presence of 'burnt crunchy bits' which I agree with Terry Pratchett forms one of the four main food groups (the others of course being sugar, starch and grease)

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Sausage - Cheap and cheerful

      "the presence of 'burnt crunchy bits' which I agree with Terry Pratchett forms one of the four main food groups"

      Absolutely! I've heard it said that burnt toast, and fried to black bits of food in general can be carcinogenic. As an ex-smoker, I'm prepared to take one for the team. All fried items MUST have some black crunchy bits. It's underdone if they aren't there.

  71. R Richards

    The Full English of choice

    Smoked back bacon

    Lincolnshire sausages

    Fried eggs, sunny-side up, runny yolk

    Black pudding

    Fried mushrooms - but never out of a tin

    Tomato, halved and grilled

    Baked beans, provided they're actually cooked and seasoned and not just decanted from a tin and heated

    Hash browns - Controversial! But England is practically defined by nicking all the best bits from other cultures and incorporating them (see also: tea, coffee, tomatoes)

    Thick-cut wholemeal toast

    Quantities all to choice

    And Brown Sauce

  72. Ade Vickers

    Can't believe this is causing an argument!

    Tsk, people are missing the point badly here. Plus I can't believe there's this much argument about it!

    The defining feature of a Full English Breakfast is that, with the sole exception of the mug of tea (refillable on demand preferably), is that it can be entirely cooked in a single frying pan loaded with approx 1/2" deep molten lard.

    This automatically rules out:

    - Poached, boiled or scrambled eggs - they all have their place, and it's not on an English Breakfast plate.

    - Plum tomatoes (unless you're bold and have skin like leather, boy to those fellas spit)

    - Hash browns (a Colonial treat - but not at breakfast time)

    - Baked beans (also a colonial import)

    - Absolutely anything green

    You may, if your frying pan is not sufficiently large, substitute all but 1/2 slice of fried bread with toast, generously spread with real butter, and left to soak in. This will be used to mop up the leftover lard & any sauces you may have applied later.

    The perfect breakfast IMHO: Fry all of the following in the same pan - Bacon (smoked back bacon, cooked until tender, never crispy), sausages, eggs, bread, mushrooms, black pudding, a whole tomato halved, white pudding if available. Any possible arterial damage is addressed with several cups of strong white tea.

  73. Spanners Silver badge
    Happy

    Full North British

    Sausage(s) - cheap but non gristly

    Bacon - well cooked but not shatter when cut

    (fried) Egg(s) - runny yolks a must

    Black pudding - this is the very base of a FBB

    Haggis slices - comfort food for us exiles!

    Mushrooms - fried in the bacon grease is nice

    Beans OR Tomatoes - not both as they interfere with each other

    500Mg Statins

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: Full North British

      In the north, it's got to be cumberland or lincolnshire sausages for a full english. Anything else is just being cheap or lazy.

  74. Dr. G. Freeman

    British Standard 3512 Breakfast

    Don't know the ISO code.

    note- best quality, local ingredients should be used in all cases, and fried in lard.

    contains

    No less than two (2) rashers of back bacon (smoked or unsmoked, depending on availability)

    No less than two (2) Link Sausages

    Two (2) fried eggs - yolks runny, consistent with Standard 3517.

    one (1) piece of black pudding.

    Two (2) pieces of fried bread

    1/4 cup of baked beans

    1/4 cup of mushrooms (fried)

    served with British Standard Tea [BS 6008}, (http://www.mus-ic.co.uk/images/blog/2006-04-27/bs_6008.pdf )

    and a rack of four [4] slices of white bread toast.

    Tomato sauce should be made available if required.

    Regional additions are encouraged, without substitution of main ingredients.

    ======================

    In my case the addition of

    Lorne Sausage

    2 Hash Browns

    Extra link Sausage

    Potato scone

    Scrambled egg (1/4 cup)

    Availability of HP sauce

    The addition of anything green (garnish, green bits in bubble and squeak etc.) is strictly verboten.

    1. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

      Re: British Standard 3512 Breakfast

      I'm disappointed to find there isn't an RFC on the subject.

      1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: British Standard 3512 Breakfast

        At last!

        Someone who understands that wimpy cooking oils simply won't do. Lard it is.

        However, nobody seems to have mentioned another essential - fried onions (until almost but not quite crisp).

        The fried bread should be doorstop grade. None of this 3/16th inch thick rubbish.

        The waiting staff need to pay proper attention to regional preferences. Black pudding is an insult to a Southerner - it's absence an insult to Northerners.

  75. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The caption picture looks far too much like the over-priced poncey stuff you'd get in a hipster cafe, baked beans in a separate bowl ?

    Where's the fried bread and sausages ?

  76. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    British Breakfast.

    As long as its followed by a good shit and an harry does it matter?

  77. Mark #255
    IT Angle

    Live and let fry

    There's some opinions being expressed in a fairly dogmatic way here.

    For what it's worth, the best Full English I've been served was in Grangemouth, about 5 minutes' walk from the Kelpies. Diplomatically, it's called neither "Full English" nor "Full Scottish".

    Haggis and black pudding, back bacon (thickly sliced), decent meaty sausages, fried egg, mushrooms, and a potato scone.

    Baked beans I can take or leave, tomatoes (fresh, grilled) are hardly ever cooked properly, but I do enjoy a hash brown or two, and they tend to be more consistently well-cooked than fried bread.

    If I'm at a Premier Inn this'll be preceded by a bowl of fruit with yoghourt, and followed with a croissant.

    I continue to be baffled by the "Full Welsh" breakfast - there doesn't seem to be any distinguishing characteristic from the English variety.

    1. Vic

      Re: Live and let fry

      I continue to be baffled by the "Full Welsh" breakfast - there doesn't seem to be any distinguishing characteristic from the English variety.

      WDA subsidy?

      Vic.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Live and let fry

      "there doesn't seem to be any distinguishing characteristic from the English variety."

      Its basically the same as fair trade chocolate. Its more expensive but shittier than the normal stuff but its helping a less fortunate race to feel empowered.

      I'm sorry Wales, I do love your country but your lack of internet and therefore ability to defend yourself makes you a very easy and satisfying target.

    3. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

      Re: Live and let fry

      The unique ingredient should be Laverbread - rolled in oatmeal and fried in the fat from the bacon.

      And of course the bacon and sos should be local. And the staff in the cafe should make rude comments about you in Welsh.

  78. POKE 649,0
    Pint

    The breakfasts in our "French company ran" canteen onsite are shite. Cheapest of everything and tight portions n'all. Hence why I try sample the local cafes when I can. Support ya local businesses people. A good walking breakfast is the BEST... Bacon, Egg, Sausage and Tomato in a large breadcake (breadbun to anyone not from Hull). Not quite a Flinglish, but Quality.

    If making at home though:-

    Lincolnshire, Cumberland, or just a good quality Pork sausage (2)

    Decent dry cured unsmoked back bacon (2 or 3 slices)

    Fried eggs - I like mine done quickly in lard in a hot pan so you get a slightly crispy bottom but still a runny yolk for dipping. usually have a couple. Don't forget to flick the hot lard on the top of the egg while its in the pan.

    Fried mushrooms

    Black Pudding (2 or 3 thick slices)

    Tinned or Fresh Toms - Tinned I let reduce down so not too wattery. Fresh toms I fry until mush.

    Fried bread - White sliced, cheap as ya like fried in bacon fat or lob it in the egg pan. Takes two ticks.

    Beans - If I'm in the mood.

    YORKSHIRE Tea deffo. Wet and Warm however it comes for the authentic Truck Stop/Greasy Spoon feels.

    All that can be eaten any time of the day or night, even for me tea where its called a Fryup.

    Extra points for having a Flinglish with pints of Stella whilst watching the World Cup at dawn. Hence Beer icon.

    Check out Kay's good cooking... This is erm proper erm "cookin" ;) My presentation skills are better!

    https://youtu.be/0hqVddkHf7Y

  79. Paul Woodhouse

    I'm gonna get a few downvotes for this one I think....

    Bacon, lots of Sausage, lots of Mushrooms, Scrambled Eggs, Fried Bread, splodge of Haggis stuff, Beans (yeah, bit of cheese melted into em is a good idea) Hash Brown...

    Brown Sauce.

    Black Pudding is an acceptable replacement for the Haggis.

    and a pot of coffee that's strong enough to wake up a Frenchman...

    non of this tea or tomatoes crap...

    1. bazza Silver badge

      Down voted, but with the greatest of respect such as is owed to one so misled by life thus far as to want coffee, not tea, with their breakfast.

      1. Paul Woodhouse

        the problem I have with Tea in the UK is that its cheap nasty crap swept up from the floor of the factory/farm buildings in India or China...

        Go to Taiwan if you want a cup of tea, (don't bother getting a coffee over there though)

  80. petethebloke

    Fried bread should never be like warm lard. It should be dropped into smoking fat, turned and served within seconds and it'll be dry and crisp. Smear marmite on one side before frying for an extra zing.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Thumb Down

      "marmite"

      Down voted. With such vengeance I nearly broke my mouse button!

      1. jake Silver badge

        Marmite, and it's cousin Vegemite, are a food of the gawd/esses. You don't deserve a mouse after spouting such slander!

  81. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bacon - Middle cut, must have crispy rind still on for extra pork scratching flavour.

    Eggs - Fried (this is a fry up after all) runny yolk's a must.

    Sausages - Traditional butchers pork.

    Black pudding - Yes but not that sh*te with big lumps of fat in it.

    Lambs kidney - Halved, cleaned and fried, hint of pink in the middle.

    Tomato - Fresh, halved, fried.

    Mushrooms - Lots of little ones or 1 big flat.

    Fried Bread - Nice and crisp.

    Bubble & Squeak - Plenty of crusty brown bits.

    Beans - Never! If there's room on the plate, add more sausages, bacon, eggs etc. instead.

    Sauce - Brown

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Ooh! The kidney option. Not seen that in a while.

  82. earl grey Silver badge
    Facepalm

    spam, spam, eggs, and spam

    and bacon. lots of bacon.

    and fried eggs only.

    and no sauce.

    and a thick slice of pumpernickel with butter

    and more bacon.

  83. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Haejangguk (해장국)

    I am not a big breakfast eater, but when I need to get something decent to revive after a long night, I go for Haejangguk or similar at the next breakfast eatery. You'll have to move to the right neighborhood to find it though.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: Haejangguk (해장국)

      "I go for Haejangguk"

      Yuk! Sounds disgusting! So likely it's very, very tasty! :-)

      Not sure I've ever seen a Korean eatery of any kind around this neck of the woods thought.

  84. Red Eyes

    NTFS

    Full English should be eaten with a hangover, preferably in works time.

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      Re: NTFS

      What's that you say? NTFS is a hangover?

      More likely "designed which being subjected to a hangover.."

  85. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Black pudding

    The short answer is that black pudding can be included provided the pigs were raised by a local farmer.

    Does anyone else remember Mankinholes Youth Hostel (and Ruth Halliwell -I think - the warden) in the 1970s, where the breakfast was almost entirely local sourced and the eggs were so fresh and laden with protein that the yolks stood up in a hemisphere? Now I have to go and have a quiet nostalge.

  86. Brangdon

    Fried eggs should be

    crisp and dark brown around the edges from being bubbled in immense heat. I'm fed up with places that fry with a gentle heat so that the egg is left with the smooth white texture of a poached egg. If I want a poached egg I'll have one. Fried eggs should look fried; that's the point. Yolk runny, of course, and the top white cooked by basting with the hot oil.

  87. Dave 32
    Pint

    Proper Breakfast

    A proper breakfast really should include Canadian Bacon. The only problem, though, is that if you go to Canada, and try to order Canadian Bacon, all you'll get will be strange stares. :-(

    Dave

    P.S. Hey, yeah, beer for breakfast.

    1. Jonathan 27

      Re: Proper Breakfast

      In Canada, we call what Americans call "Canadian Bacon" garbage. I don't know how Americans took the idea of good back bacon, then threw it out and started selling slightly fried slices of ham and calling it "Canadian Bacon". Sacrilegious.

      Obviously I'm not voting on the Full British thing as I'm not qualified.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Proper Breakfast

      "Canadian Bacon" is a term akin to "Military Intelligence", entirely illogical.

  88. Caff

    Full Irish

    none of this grilling nonsense

    Fried soda bread x 2 slices

    Fried eggs x 2

    Fried smoked rashers x2

    Fried sausages x 2

    Fried tomato

    Fried black / white pudding

    Baked beans - haven't found a way to fry those yet...

    Pot of Barrys or Lyons

  89. dc_m

    Fried bread, brown, toast if absolutely necessary

    Tomatoes, tinned is fine, or fried and halved or both

    Beans, preferably with a dash of Worcester Sauce.

    Sausage - Cumberland

    eggs, runny yolk fried.

    Tea, classic English Breakfast tea

    Bacon, thick and chewy

    Maybe a small amount of black pudding as I'm just getting into it, never liked it before.

    fug it, If we are going to do fat, Chips as well. Barbecue sauce.

  90. nichomach

    It should always be back bacon (dry cured). Sausages should be pork, with a high meat content; I second (or maybe hundred) Cumberland as a good option. Mushrooms should be incinerated and tossed in a bin. Beans are fine, and I don't mind either fried or scrambled eggs. A fried slice would be a good idea (white bread, NOT any brown, mealy crap), although I have a predilection for hashbrowns as well. I have a mild horror of cooked tomatoes (especially the tinned monstrosities). Black pudding isn't my favourite thing, but I probably won't throw it away if it turns up. Sauce-wise - worcestershire. Tea - builder's, and supermarket own brand is fine.

  91. disgruntled yank Silver badge

    No dog in this fight

    As my handle indicates, I have no right to contribute. But questions of right never trouble us in the commentariat, here is a fragment from Hilaire Belloc:

    "I should very much like to know what those who have an answer to everything can say about the food requisite to breakfast? Those great men Marlowe and Jonson, Shakespeare, and Spenser before him, drank beer at rising, and tamed it with a little bread. In the regiment we used to drink black coffee without sugar, and cut off a great hunk of stale crust, and eat nothing more till the halt: for the matter of

    that, the great victories of '93 were fought upon such unsubstantial meals; for the Republicans fought first and ate afterwards, being in this quite unlike the Ten Thousand. Sailors I know eat nothing for

    some hours--I mean those who turn out at four in the morning; I could give the name of the watch, but that I forget it and will not be plagued to look up technicalities. Dogs eat the first thing they come

    across, cats take a little milk, and gentlemen are accustomed to get up at nine and eat eggs, bacon, kidneys, ham, cold pheasant, toast, coffee, tea, scones, and honey, after which they will boast that their

    race is the hardiest in the world and ready to bear every fatigue in the pursuit of Empire. But what rule governs all this? Why is breakfast different from all other things, so that the Greeks called

    it the best thing in the world, and so that each of us in a vague way knows that he would eat at breakfast nothing but one special kind of food, and that he could not imagine breakfast at any other hour in the

    day?"

    I guess he was English: he served in Parliament, though the regiment he refers to was French.

  92. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Full English

    I've lived all over Britain, born in the Midlands, worked in the West Country, South Wales, Scotland, and London/Home Counties. I think the Full English can consist optionally of any of the following:

    Egg - preferably fried with a soft yolk, but "well-done" fried and arguably scrambled (with plenty of butter) are acceptable. Poached, or other dodgy new-age garbage, is clearly unacceptable.

    Bacon - either back or streaky, fried in preference to grilling.

    Sausage - preferably good pork sausage, fried in preference to grilling.

    Black pudding - definite place for a good piece of fried black pudding. White pudding seems a little too regional to qualify.

    Fried mushrooms and tomato - common across much of the UK, and perfectly valid additions.

    Bubble and Squeak - popular in parts of Britain. Probably the only other vegetable dish that can be on the plate without losing focus. Hash Browns are definitely too American to qualify, as are things like potato waffles.

    Fried bread - for me one of the killer features of a real English Breakfast. Make sure it is fried in the fat that has dripped out of the sausages. It should also be fried on both sides, no one-sided French garbage.

    The following though are marginal:

    Toast - toast with marmite or jam or marmalade might be yummy enough, but seems distinctly out of place as part of a full english. I think you can argue reasonably for it as a starter or pudding before or after your full english, but not at the same time.

    Baked beans - no - seems a little too American for my liking, and strictly probably descends from Cassoulet, making it too French for a "Full English". Also, by not being fried, it doesn't deserve a place in a quality fry-up.

    The key criteria for me for a full English is that you should be able to cook it all at the same time in the same frying pan and in the same lard (or dripping at a push).

  93. Hedgey

    A proper full english includes (in my opinion):

    4 rashers of smoked back bacon

    2 proper english sausages

    Baked beans

    Mushrooms

    2 fried eggs on top of:

    2 slices of fried bread

    Bubble & Squeek

    2 hash browns

    Thin slices of potatoe, fried

    Black pudding

    and on the side:

    Buttered bread

    The finest brown sauce

  94. HildyJ
    Facepalm

    English vs. American

    There are two things that distinguish an English breakfast from a breakfast you can get at any decent American diner:

    1) Blood Pudding - this is mandatory

    2) Brown sauce - if you have a sauce, this is the only choice

    The rest of the details are negotiable as long as fried and runny are the primary adjectives.

  95. J.G.Harston Silver badge

    Black pudding has a role to play, and it is at the bottom of a pit covered in lime and concrete.

  96. 10forcash

    As an authentic Yorkshireman, I have to tell you that you're all wrong!

    Bacon - unsmoked back,(you do want to taste the meat, not the burnt wood, don't you?) black pudding & Cumberland sausage (Lincolnshire sausage is made from that counties inhabitants extra appandages, apparently). The only acceptable source is Stanforth Butchers, Skipton. These should be cooked under a Salamander grill along with halved tomatoes, meanwhile, eggs - preferably ducks, should be gently fried in a cast iron pan (that has NEVER been washed, just wiped out with a slice of slightly dry bread) with lard and a touch of butter with mushrooms added to the same pan and thin sliced white bread fried in the bottom of the grill pan in the rendered 'goodness' from the pork products.

    All served with well buttered thick sliced bread and a large pot of builders tea (sourced from Taylors of Harrogate) Salt on the tomatoes, white pepper on the eggs and brown sauce on the sausages is mandatory. Anything is probably illegal. Or French.

  97. John Arthur

    Evening treat!

    Just read the comments above at 9.00 pm and remembered that I had two cold but cooked Cumberland sausages in the fridge. That's them sorted just when they though they were safe!

  98. John Watts

    Bacon - smoked streaky or green back.

    Fried egg(s) runny yolk.

    Sausages (Lincoln, Cumberland or pork).

    Black pudding.

    Toast (must be buttered - no marge).

    Mushrooms.

    Baked beans (but only if they've been cooked in a sauce pan - no microwaved beans).

    The wildcard - kidneys.

  99. TRT Silver badge

    Bacon, smoked back or middle

    Lincolnshire sausage (or other with a light herb)

    Baked Beans

    Fried bread

    Fried tomato

    Fried mushrooms

    Fried egg, over easy, runny yolk,

    Black pudding & mustard (if north of Watford Gap)

    Chips, hash browns or potato waffles (if south of Watford Gap)

    Brown sauce

    Toast, butter & marmalade (optional)

    Massive mug of hot tea, builders or English Breakfast or Assam (white, no sugar for me).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Mustard...with black pud???? Accidento bizzaro

      1. Paul Woodhouse

        it actually works quite well :)

  100. SteveLewis

    The arrangement of the (suitably large) plate is just as important as the contents. Working our way around the plate:

    Bacon (back, lightly done)

    Fried egg(s)

    Sausages

    Baked beans

    Black pudding

    French toast

    Tinned plum tomatoes

    Hash browns

    Grilled tomatoes

    Fried bread

    Fried haggis topped with a poached egg

    Mushrooms

    Toast (buttered)

    Scrambled egg

    And in the middle of the plate - a Yorkshire pudding.

  101. Mr. Abelazar Woozle

    Bacon - got to be proper smoked back bacon, ranging from crispy round the edges to thoroughly crozzled. Rinds can optionally be cut off and fried separately to a proper state of crozzledness, think miniature pork scratchings.

    Sausage - something lightly flavoured, or plain but nothing too "mucked about with" as my father-in-law would put it.

    Black pudding - no excuses, this is essential...

    Eggs - both scrambled and fried (yolk runny), or if you want to make a token gesture for healthy eating, poached.

    Baked beans

    Staffordshire/Derbyshire oatcakes - I've you've never had one of these, it's high time you did, they're the Midlands' best kept secret.

    Toast - freshly baked white bread, can be lightly done to cremated depending on your taste.

    Mushrooms - fried in the bacon/black pudding fat to absorb more of that dead pig goodness

    I'd put tomatoes and hash browns on the optional items list, and tomato/brown sauce for the sausage if you're feeling like it.

    Wash down with pint mugs of well-brewed Yorkshire tea, then go out and take on the world.

  102. Mark 85 Silver badge

    Though I'm not from England or any of the surrounding parts, I've been there in the past, quite a few times on business. All these variations of the "Full Fry Up" mean there will be arguments as the "best". Personally, I didn't find a Fry Up that I didn't like. They were all great. Pity we never adopted them here in the States. So, I'm not seeing what the fuss is about as to "best".

    Here in the States, there's diversity in regional breakfasts, and again, for the most part, except for certain chain restaurants, they're all pretty good if prepared by a competent chef/cook.

    Yes, I'm one of those who try almost anything once as long as a) it's dead and b) not staring at me. And I'll have it twice (or more) if I like it.

  103. The Onymous Coward

    We've always done the standard sausage, bacon, eggs, beans, mushrooms, hash browns, fried bread and, err... kidneys. Always had 'em.

    Oh and it's called a BREADCAKE.

  104. 尼尔

    I suppose it means I´m getting old and smelly, but my best memories have it fried in beef dripping, with no sauce. Just pepper and salt and mustard.

  105. Mike 75

    Hash browns - since when were they ever 'British' - they are a bloody awful bland, tasteless American import and should be banned from any English breakfast - better still banned from being imported !.

  106. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The most offensive thing is when bloody Scottish and Irish foreigners put bullshit like "full Scottish breakfast" on the f'ing menu. They have it in hotels. Seriously WTFF?

    Sick to your porridge and soda shite.

    Now don't get me on vegan crap they serve to you pounces in Shoreditch.

  107. TheElder

    No Gluten

    I have gluten enteropathy, the real thing.

    I have a gluten free muffin sliced in halves with a heavy coating of real butter. On top of that is some raspberry jam and then two soft fried eggs. I like a lot of salt since I have low blood pressure and I need to keep it up a bit. For an after meal snack half an avocado with olive oil mayo goes down very nicely.

    I should mention that I am 6"2" at age 67 and I still weigh 150 lbs, same as when I was 20. I have put on 150 klics on my bicycle this month. I put on muscle very quickly since my testosterone is 803, same as when I was 20.

    As for tea, I don't drink anything but water. I also use a bit of coke. (the type that ends in cola) It goes down nicely with ice cream. No coffee, can't drink beer. No wine or anything else.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No Gluten

      I'm not surprised that you like a good breakfast. The rest of your day must be hell.

      1. TheElder

        Re: No Gluten... Hell???

        Hell can be a nice place for some people. I spend much of my time laughing. Just yesterday I saw a news item about La Machine on the streets in Ottawa. There was a woman operator on the Horse Dragon. Not long after that I was talking to a friend of mine who is in his 20s, recently married. He hadn't seen the news yet and I told him what I had seen. In particular I was imagining what a dragon woman might look like and how she would see herself as a dragon operator.

        I told him to look up Dragon Woman on Google images. It is mostly work safe... Ѡ

        La Machine news item

  108. Hans 1 Silver badge
    Happy

    Ultimate English Breakfast

    Reads like arguments about the best colour, the best piece of music or book ... I think it is all a matter of taste ... nice to read about all the different local variations in the comment section, looks like there is not even a clear definition for a full English breakfast ...

    Reminds me of the last time I was arguing about tea time, dinner, and/or supper, you know, times at which the meals are taken, what kinds of food you eat at each ... and those three meals turned out to be very different, depending on where in England you are from, and people try to impose what they were taught on others, you know, "real" tea time is taken at 4 o'clock, with cake, muffins, or scones and, of course, a cupa ... when others claimed they would have a two course meal for tea ...

    1. Uffish

      Re: Ultimate English Breakfast

      There is a very simple response to this problem - eat several versions (at breakfast time) of the full english wherever and whenever you can find the dish and feel able to do it justice. If your digestion and coronaries survive compare and contrast the different versions, settle on your favourite recipe and live the rest of your life with the contented knowledge that you can taste heaven whenever you want (but only at a real breakfast time).

  109. Trollslayer Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Black pudding

    Lovely stuff.

    Unfortunately is is low in fat, high in protein and iron so good for you.

    1. Zog_but_not_the_first Silver badge
      Alert

      Re: Black pudding

      When I asked about the provenance of the best black pudding I had ever eaten, the hotel owner told me that she always used fresh blood, never dried, and that she maintained a vat of blood in the kitchen. I can't remember her mentioning that it was pig's blood though...

  110. werdsmith Silver badge

    Pointless

    A Full English breakfast includes whatever you want.

    A decent cafe will have a price to include 6 or so items with extra ones at 50p each or whatever.

    And the diner chooses.

    The only stipulation I would add is a large mug of builders tea.

  111. Emmeran

    Typical Brits, can't even do breakfast right

    Where's the sausage gravy? The Chickenfried steak? The pancakes for gosh sakes?

    And have you never heard of hash browns? Ketchup or brown sauce - have you never met tabasco?

    No wonder you're all so limp and pallid...

    1. Uffish

      Re: Typical Brits, can't even do breakfast right

      I fear you have been misled by the photo at the start of the article, try https://recipes.sainsburys.co.uk/recipes/breakfast/full-english-breakfast for (I think) a better illustration. You will see that there should be no room left for anything else.

      You can keep your hash browns, I import Rösti from Switzerland and Tabasco is a bit thin flavoured for this dish, Worcester sauce has a broader taste. You would recognise that a real Full English is perfection if you saw it, or rather, ate it and wouldn't try to alter it.

      Now tell us about something as good from your side of the pond, a good chilli con carne, deep fried turkey, clam chowder etc etc.

    2. jake Silver badge

      Re: Typical Brits, can't even do breakfast right

      They are limp and pallid because they caught a disease from their housing. It's called "rising damp". It has always been a hazard of living in the British Isles, but now that they have moved from the coal heat that their Victorian buildings were designed for, and over to that new-fangled 'lectrics[0] that only heat small zones, it has become an epidemic. The only way to cure it is to raze vast quantities of aged stone row-houses and build more modern structures. Unfortunately, they can't. Because History.

      [0] Hint to Yank electricians: Don't look up "ring mains" or you'll have nightmares for weeks!

  112. Alex Wilson

    Incidentally, the best degreaser with a full english is a pint of good ale... a tea or coffee is lovely, but just doesn't cut through the grease like a beer...

  113. RonWheeler

    The best is

    whatever you yourself like and suits your nutritional needs.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge

      Re: The best is

      "The best is whatever you yourself like and suits your nutritional needs."

      Ah, well, there's the rub...

      Everything that's really fun is either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

  114. Colonel Mad

    Old Story

    this subject was done to death in 2014.

    1. Will Godfrey Silver badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Old Story

      Impossible!

      You can never have too much brekky discussion.

  115. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I know that this will probably start a war here with the other commentards, but I have to say something.

    1 - The best full english breakfasts I have ever had are actually made by two Polish Ladies in Preston, Lancashire.

    For which I provide the following two proofs, thanks to our friends at a well known review site:

    https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-o/03/8c/27/be/deli-licious.jpg

    https://media-cdn.tripadvisor.com/media/photo-s/0a/26/b4/89/petit-dejeuner.jpg

    2 - Personally it has to be plum tomatoes (not the chopped up cheap versions that are the left overs from the canning factory), they have to be sweet and juicy so that when you stab them, they make a nice mess with the runny yolks (two eggs please, Im British), for the other half they have to be raw tomatoes (I mean not even been under a heat lamp).

    3 - Black pudding, Im a Northerner - Prestonian to be exact and Bury is only up'th road so we expect the best.

    4 - Toast, big doorstep wedges - two of with Butter, none of that ponsey special healthy Margarine

    5 - Mushroom - fried in butter (Mmmm, getting hungry)

    Oh and obviously it has to be Bacon, Sausages, beans (warm to hot not so hot as to remove skin from inside of mouth)

    Sauce, HP, the real stuff not 'Brown' sauce - Thats like the non-named meat.

    If you have any good pictures of breakfasts, can you share some links as Im doing a birthday breakfast for the other half and want some really good suggestions (that and I love food porn)

  116. x 7 Silver badge

    requirements for a proper breakfast

    Cumberland Sausage

    Smoked back bacon

    Lancastrian black pudding (the spicy type)

    Toasted cheese using a decent blue cheese on brown bread

    Baked beans (with paprika and black pepper added)

    A couple of fried eggs (sunny side up)

    Fried mashed potato (similar to what the yanks call hash browns)

    English mustard (none of that poncy red or brown sauce)

    Black coffee

    Orange or apple juice

  117. bobajob12

    Core plus add-ons

    The core:

    - fried egg, soft yolk.

    - hefty sausages, like cumberlands. Something the width of two fingers, not one.

    - a mug of builders tea.

    and then, according to regional taste and practice, any sensible combination of

    - bread goods: fried white bread, or white toast

    - marmalades: something tart with the rinds included

    - mushrooms - portobello if whole, or bella. Lightly fried

    - tomatoes - beefsteak, fried. some regions seem to like canned plum toms. not me, but chacun a son gout.

    - thick, meaty bacon. Wars have been fought over how crispy the bacon should be. Personal choice.

    - Black pudding.

    and of course not forgetting

    - copy of a trashy red-top tabloid to read it with

    - defibrillator close to hand for when the food tries to kill you.

  118. Ralphe Neill

    Don't forget ...

    ... the Walls Pork Sausages ... slow fried in lard and oozing fat!

    The bread should be fried in the sausage/bacon fat and should serve as the "plate" for the fried tomatoes ... preferably mashed into the bread.

    All of the other stuff is optional although there MUST be HP sauce.

  119. Nattrash
    Facepalm

    What? No kippers? What is the nation coming to? Must be the cake they all want to eat...

  120. Aitor 1 Silver badge

    Lester

    Let me raise a pint for Lester! He loved greased food.

  121. Egghead & Boffin

    The official best English breakfast is served at my local caff - the Super Sausage. Winner of the Britains Best Cafe award in 2016. http://supersausagecafe.co.uk/ . No, I don't work there or have a financial interest but I do eat there regularly, as my waistline will confirm :-)

    Two best quality pork sausages, 2 rashers of back bacon, hash browns, fried egg, mushrooms, beans and good black pudding. Add toast and a mug of Twinings English Breakfast tea for perfection.

    As for the sauce - I prefer Rocket Fuel sauce, which comes from New Zealand (like HP but with more kick - plenty of spices) and English mustard for the sausage.

  122. Roj Blake Silver badge

    Poached

    Here's my preferred set up...

    Two poached eggs (yes,I know I'm risking charges of heresy) with runny yolks

    Two rashers of back bacon (unsmoked)

    Two Lincolnshire sausages

    Baked beans

    One slice of toast, buttered

    One slice of fried bread

    One tomato, fried

    Mushrooms, fried

    Tea

  123. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm seriously concerned about the lack of mention of fried bread, doesn't count as a full English without the fried bread (fried in lard is best, but oil is allowed I suppose). Turning to other matters - egg fried, mushrooms yes but not the awful ones that come out of a can, tomatoes fried (canned are acceptable in this case), black pudding (not white), baked beans mandatory, bacon streaky and must be smoked. Hash brown is a modern import to be avoided if you want to stay authentic. On the side there should be a plate of toast or bread and butter (sliced white of course), and a mug of tea (coffee is permitted south of Warwick / Northampton). Best consumed in a café with a stinking hangover.

  124. uncommon_sense
    Pint

    Live and let fry!

    I want EVERYTHING WITH EVERYTHING, and double the BACON.

    See you in a bit, Les, hope you went happily!

  125. garethm

    After sampling many from around the country, I have pretty set standards on my breakfast preferences...

    TWO (min) rashers of bacon

    TWO sausages - Don't have a particular preference as to what type, but anything that resembles a paste is unacceptable. None of this one sausage garbage!!

    At least one fried egg - cooked white, runny yolk... If the white is runny (read: snotty) - punishment will be violent and bloody.

    2-3 hash browns

    Beans (NOT IN A PONCEY POT! EVER!)

    Toast. Controversially, I'm a fan of brown toast - but I will fall to popular opinion on this, and thick white is more than acceptable - so long as it's present. This has the benefit of soaking in all the deliciousness of the yolk and the bean juice!

    Tinned tomatoes if they're available, though either way.

    Coffee. Lots. A large pot at minimum!

    Seriously - so many hotels are doing this one sausage crap these days. Where's the petition to make this illegal!?!

    I did have a chorizo and sweet potato hash one morning for breakfast in Berkhamsted, which was divine... but obviously not a full English!

  126. MalcolmL

    Three essentials

    1. Plain, really plain, sausages. Herbs have no place on the breakfast plate.

    2. A big flat open mushroom fried stalk side up and not turned over so that the juices remain trapped in the mushroom.

    3. A fully cooked tomato, even a bit burnt is nice, but never just slightly warmed raw tomato.

  127. Gleeb Freenman

    If I am ever up infront of a firing squad this would be my last meal

    1 fried egg soft yoke.

    2 rashers of bacon with rind

    2 sausages (chipolatas or normal sausages)

    1 slice fried bread (dipped in oil then grilled not the deep fried death of a slice)

    2 hash browns

    1 half of a grilled tomato (going easy on the fruit and veg as don't want to over do it)

    1 slice black pudding

    2 kidneys

    Mushrooms fried in butter (none of those stewed ones)

    Small dollop of baked beans.

    Kipper on top

    Side of 2 X white toast , butter , then jam or marmalade or marmite.

    1 medium glass of fruit juice to help break down the grease (orange / grapefruit / pineapple)

    1 pot of coffee or team.

  128. Dave559 Bronze badge

    Veggie breakfast

    Hmm, not many veggies amongst The Reg readership, it seems, so here's my nomination (although I expect to be downvoted viciously, even though it's only a suggestion):

    Eggs, but however you like them: they don't have to be fried; scrambled or poached are just as good, perhaps even a Spanish omelette, although that's maybe not quite in the spirit of a fry up;

    Veggie sausages, there are many types to choose from nowadays, whether meaty-style, Glamorgan, or with actual vegetables (Cauldron do yummy peppers and beanie ones);

    Veggie haggis (better than the real thing, if you ask me);

    Veggie bacon, if you still have those cravings (guilty as charged);

    Hash browns or fried potatoes;

    Baked beans, fried mushrooms, fried onions, lightly grilled tomato;

    Smashed avocado, if you want a bit of healthy balance in there;

    Toast from good quality bread, wholemeal, rye, sourdough, all good;

    Condiments according to taste: I do like mustard with my sausages, and salsa makes an excellent alternative to ketchup;

    And, not least, something to drink according to preference (coffee, black, strong, lots, for me) and freshly squeezed fruit juice for that vitamin hit!

  129. goldfish

    Is it my imagination, or have I missed the following in the list

    - Haggis

    - Potato Scone

    - White Pudding

    - Fried Pancake

  130. Captain Badmouth
    Pint

    Tea/Coffee?

    I used to drink a lot of tea when I was younger, but since I discovered alcohol and espresso I barely touch the stuff.

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