back to article 'Coke dealer' called us after his stash was stolen – cops

A man called the cops to report that cash and a bag of Colombian marching powder stashed in his car had been nicked, police arrest documents have revealed. Floridian fuzz said that area man David Blackmon phoned them in the early hours of Sunday to say roughly $50 and “about one-quarter of an ounce of cocaine” had been …

  1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    Florida Man

    still stupid.

    1. Mad Mike

      Re: Florida Man

      Some crimes should be punishable by death. Why? To try and maintain a continuing rise in the average IQ of the population.........

      1. Eddy Ito Silver badge

        Re: Florida Man

        To try and maintain a continuing rise in the average IQ of the population

        That would certainly cause some sort of explosion similar to matter mixing with anti-matter as it would violate the Conservation of IQ law. The law states that at any moment in time for every exceptionally smart person there must be one equally dim person. It comes down to either there exists some sort of IQ quantum entanglement or that by definition the median IQ is 100.

        1. Alistair Silver badge
          Windows

          Re: Florida Man

          Actually, the rule is the sum total of the intelligence on the planet is a constant.

        2. Named coward

          Re: Florida Man

          In the normalised scores the median is 100, but the raw scores have actually been increasing...

      2. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        Re: Florida Man

        Some crimes should be punishable by death. Why? To try and maintain a continuing rise in the average IQ of the population.........

        Ah ,you mean like watching

        Love Island

        I'm a Celebrity get me out of here

        Made in Chelsea

        The Only Way is Essex

        etc

        1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

          Re: Florida Man

          @ Prst. V.Jeltz

          I don't know about death for watching those programmes, but I suspect for making them.

          Thankfully I don't think I've ever seen any of them, but I am vaguely aware of their existence from my occasional visits to that zenith of soft-prôn websites, Mail Online, which seems to feature their actors in various stages of undress.

          1. Kevin Johnston

            Re: Florida Man

            I saw a wonderful piece of TV where Sir Bob Geldof apologised for letting his company produce 'Castaways' which triggered Channel 4 to produce Big Brother etc etc etc. He said if he had realised where it would lead he would never have done it.

            1. macjules Silver badge

              Re: Florida Man

              Channel 4 were sold the idea by Endemol, a Dutch company. Where does Sir Bob come in to this?

              1. KBeee
                Joke

                Re: Florida Man

                "Channel 4 were sold the idea by Endemol, a Dutch company. Where does Sir Bob come in to this?"

                Sir Joseph Bazalgette built the great sewers in London, and one of his decendants (Peter Bazalgette) is a key figure in Endomol UK.

                One got the shit out of London, the other got it back in.

        2. magickmark
          Thumb Up

          Re: Florida Man

          @Prst. V.Jeltz

          Well as a race that crawled out of the primordial mud and once evolution saw you and gave up on you, I guess you are an expert on the subject? :D

          1. m0rt Silver badge

            Re: Florida Man

            El Reg needs a '42' icon. I said this years ago. I still say it now.

            1. magickmark
              Thumb Up

              Re: Florida Man

              I agree a 42 icon would be idea but until they do there is always this ========>

          2. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

            Re: Florida Man

            Well as a race that crawled out of the primordial mud ...

            Cant improve on perfection! :D

            You monkeys should never have come down from the trees. In fact the trees were a bad idea ....

            1. magickmark
              Thumb Up

              Re: Florida Man

              You monkeys should never have come down from the trees. In fact the trees were a bad idea ....

              And this from a race who can't even get the hang of poetry? "foonting turlingdromes" indeed!!!

              1. Youngone Silver badge

                Re: Florida Man

                Watch out, he might rend thee in the gobblewarts with his thundlecruncheon, see if he won't.

      3. fgeva

        Re: Florida Man

        That's impossible, by definition.

      4. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

        Re: Florida Man

        To be fair, dump criminals are preferable to clever ones

        1. Pen-y-gors Silver badge

          Re: Florida Man

          To be fair, dump criminals are preferable to clever ones

          I think the residents of Finglas may disagree

          https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/1836130/watch-the-moment-phantom-pooer-terrorising-an-irish-town-emptied-his-bowels-outside-a-shop-for-second-time-in-a-week/

          1. Paul Kunert

            Re: Florida Man

            Come on Pen-y-gors.... lets keep things clean. The Sun?

            https://www.theregister.co.uk/2016/09/30/dubling_toilet_terror_terminated/

          2. handleoclast Silver badge

            Re: Finglas Man

            They haven't caught me yet.

            Bwahahahaha.

          3. disgustedoftunbridgewells Silver badge

            Re: Florida Man

            Fantastic! When I checked to see if I had any replies, I noticed the typo and assumed there'd be some smart arse making stupid comments about it.

            Your comment reminded me that I'm on El Reg and not Arse Technica.

            So cheers for that.

      5. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Florida Man

        I totally agree except the IQ of the population hasn't been rising recently. Since the 50-60s, it's been steadily decreasing. I'll point you to a website showing these statistics after I create it tomorrow. I'll even name it wikistats and make up a few certs to give it validity. :) lol

        So.. Amazingly I didn't have to make up a website. One already exists though not as fancy as the one I was going throw together and it may even be valid though I don't really know. It even has fancy tables on it. http://uhaweb.hartford.edu/BRBAKER/ Crazy eh? I was just making stuff up and there you have it.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Florida Man

          I have long maintained that there is a finite number of IQ points in the world. the larger the population the lower the average number. We used to keep some in reserve so that people like Newton, Einstein and Franklin could exist. Now we end up with people calling the cops when their drugs get stolen...

          Then again, it is Florida

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: Florida Man

            "I have long maintained that there is a finite number of IQ points in the world. the larger the population the lower the average number. We used to keep some in reserve so that people like Newton, Einstein and Franklin could exist. Now we end up with people calling the cops when their drugs get stolen..."

            It's time we all moved to IQv6

          2. 's water music Silver badge
            Happy

            Re: Florida Man

            I have long maintained that there is a finite number of IQ points in the world. the larger the population the lower the average number. We used to keep some in reserve so that people like Newton, Einstein and Franklin could exist. Now we end up with people calling the cops when their drugs get stolen...

            Then again, it is Florida

            One could argue that Florida has made more than adequate sacrifices in the cause of IQ Point Conservation. What are you doing?

        2. Remy Redert

          Re: Florida Man

          Hmm... This change from rise to drop wouldn't happen to roughly coincide with a world war and mass use of leaded fuels would it? Some might consider that given the documented effects of lead on the development of the brain, that these two events might be somehow linked and that with the more recent ban on most such sources of airborne lead in the western world, we might see the trend eventually reverse itself?

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            Re: Florida Man

            Lead has been out of most petrol for 20years,

            This explains the general rise in intelligence of the younger generation and the impressive yearly increase in exam grades we have seen since the end of O levels

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Florida Man

              I would like to report to El Reg that someone has stolen the ability to see multi-tiered comments. I can't make heads or tails out of most of this bunch, since I have no clue who anyone's replying to. And yes, I've checked down the sides of the seats, just in case.

          2. Kernel

            Re: Florida Man

            "Hmm... This change from rise to drop wouldn't happen to roughly coincide with a world war and mass use of leaded fuels would it? "

            Some years ago I watched a documentary about excavations at some ancient site in the UK - it may have been at Stonehenge.

            Anyhoo, they discovered the skeletons of a woman and two or three young children which were duly dated to confirm they were contemporary with the structure they were found beside. Once that had been done, and isotope analysis was carried on the teeth out to find out where they had been born and lived and to try and benchmark how much lead modern children take in from leaded petrol and other evil things in modern society.

            Unfortunately this came to naught, as the children's teeth contained as much lead (within the accuracy limitations of the instruments used) as a modern child's did at the time the documentary was made.

            So now we know - when places like Stonehenge were built technology was primitive, so all the trucks, cranes and earth movers they used to build it had petrol engines rather than diesels, which obviously hadn't been invented yet..

        3. Martin Gregorie Silver badge

          Re: Florida Man

          I looked at the graph and skimmed the text in your link, http://uhaweb.hartford.edu/BRBAKER/

          Never mind the graph: the text proves the hypothesis: it is rambling, poorly organised and largely incoherent. Its author clearly has no idea of how to use a spell checker, or maybe that such a thing even exists. All in all, its a concrete illustration that the decline in average IQ is a real Thing.

          1. Paul Kinsler

            Re: http://uhaweb.hartford.edu/BRBAKER/

            NB: http://uhaweb.hartford.edu/www/index_students.html

            "Student Web Pages:

            Please note that materials published in the links below are provided by the individuals listed and are not official documents of University of Hartford. The University of Hartford is not responsible for the contents of these pages. "

          2. This post has been deleted by its author

          3. barbara.hudson

            Re: Florida Man

            The guy has a serious infatuation with testicles - "There are four basic I.Q. testes; these testes test the four lobes of your brain."

            Reminds me of the joke about the scotsman who was watching his first baseball game. He wanted to know why the batter didn't have to actually hit the ball when he was walked to the first base. "He's got 4 balls on him." "Walk with pride, mon! Walk with pride!"

          4. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Florida Man

            Never mind the graph: the text proves the hypothesis: it is rambling, poorly organised and largely incoherent. Its author clearly has no idea of how to use a spell checker, or maybe that such a thing even exists. All in all, its a concrete illustration that the decline in average IQ is a real Thing.

            Well that's a sign of the times isn't it? Did you know that spellcheckers are a relatively recent invention, and that people with average or above IQs used to get by without them?

        4. DubyaG
          WTF?

          Re: Florida Man

          I read that "article" and started rolling on the floor about half way through as it degraded like the last half of the story, "Flowers for Algernon". Misspelling, grammar and atrocious use of the apostrophe accelerated as I read and enjoyed. I hope it was written to be satirical.

        5. bombastic bob Silver badge
          Unhappy

          Re: Florida Man

          "the IQ of the population hasn't been rising recently. Since the 50-60s, it's been steadily decreasing"

          I blame public indoctrination education. When they teach fear-mongering environmentalism instead of science, racist poetry instead of English, drug the creative kids with Ritalin because they won't sit still in the chair, and allow Johnny to answer 1+1=3 because he'll *FEEL* bad for getting it WRONG, well, the results are exactly what's so easily predictable...

          1. Avatar of They
            WTF?

            Re: Florida Man

            Private Education as used by the so called upper class and creates people like David Cameron where having sex with swine is on the agenda. And Boris Johnson who lied on international TV during the leave campaign and was voted in again by the same morons who pay for an education. It creates a set of people called MP's and look where that got us.

            Then again fear mongering environmentalism suggests you are in fact not a scientist and probably a Tory supporter who thinks fracking is a good idea and has a vested interested in the petrol industry.

            Its not education that awards medals for taking part and stops competition. That is social acceptance and society by wooly minded teachers or a really bad secretary of state for education. And of course piss poor parenting with laws that stop you smacking a child. I know schools that now have a charter that tells parents clearly they promote competition and it is over subscribed with a waiting list because parents actually want that.

            1. Mooseman Bronze badge

              Re: Florida Man @avatar of they

              You're confusing private education with one public school, Eton.

              More climate change denial nonsense as well? not a good start is it?

              Environmentalism makes you a Tory and thus likely to support fracking? Well, talk about two completely opposing viewpoints!

              Smacking your children? well fine if you cant actually deal with them in an adult way.

              I don't know of a single school were competition is outlawed, I think you too are spewing out DM / MO propaganda

          2. Mooseman Bronze badge

            Re: Florida Man @ bombastic bob

            Hmm, not sure what school you have been looking at, or is this just copy / paste from the Mail online site?

        6. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Florida Man

          > I totally agree except the IQ of the population hasn't been rising recently.

          IANASP but isn't the IQ of the population 100 by definition?

        7. barbara.hudson
          Facepalm

          Re: Florida Man

          Only someone with a low IQ would take that site seriously. It's a "paper" written for an Intro Sociology class, and quotes Daily Beast as one of its sources. Plenty of funny shit:

          "There are four basic I.Q. testes; these testes test the four lobes of your brain" - That takes ball so I guess women fail.

          "Other consequences of lower I. Q are a steep rise in illigatme (sic) births and lower rates of marriages"

          So smart people get married, knowing full well the costs of divorce? Nah ...

          " Evidence found by doctors states that another possible explanation for the decline in average I.Q. is via blood transfusions They found that the blood not only carried a small amount of the person but it also carried the information that allowed them to think."

          Source: ""American Intelligence Compromised by Blood Transfusions

          Librul news today"

          Seriously?

          It also cites something called the Flynn Effect as showing that people are getting dumber all the time.

          " In 1988 a book was published by Robert Flynn called “The Flynn affect”. This work made a certain distinction between phenotypic and genotypic styles of intelligence. He discovered that genotypic intelligence was measured to be falling by .57 points per generation. :

          Too bad that the Flynn Effect says the exact opposite https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flynn_effect

          "The Flynn effect is the substantial and long-sustained increase in both fluid and crystallized intelligence test scores measured in many parts of the world from roughly 1930 to the present day. When intelligence quotient (IQ) tests are initially standardized using a sample of test-takers, by convention the average of the test results is set to 100 and their standard deviation is set to 15 or 16 IQ points. When IQ tests are revised, they are again standardized using a new sample of test-takers, usually born more recently than the first. Again, the average result is set to 100. However, when the new test subjects take the older tests, in almost every case their average scores are significantly above 100."

          Definitely a must-read for anyone who wants a comic example of a whack-a-doodle.

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Florida Man

      "still stupid."

      drugs fried his brain?

  2. Alan Sharkey

    You have to wonder what he was on when he phoned up - oh, no, I guess we don't......

  3. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    See icon ->

    I suppose I will have to make another cuppa

    (the keyboard survived, no worries)

  4. Chazmon
    Holmes

    But did they investigate the theft?

    Just because the substance is illegal does not change the fact that goods were taken with the intention of permanently depriving the original owner of them.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Maybe they found it up his nose.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        If he wasn't so high, self identifying as a dealer, he could probably have skated on most of the charges.

        Crack pipe in the car? Left by the burglar. Crack rock on the floor? Dropped by the burglar. Baggie in the door? Burglar so high after getting my money, he forgot his drugs. DNA on the crack pipe? I picked it up and gave it a suck to see what its like.

        ISTM that police think that everyone is a criminal; they just need to find out what they are guilty of, and that they only serve the non criminals. This leads to shooting lifestyle gurus who tap on your window wearing pyjamas.

    2. kain preacher Silver badge

      In the US it does.

  5. Chris G Silver badge

    Hello gun

    I'd like to introduce you to my foot!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is how Criminal Gangs thrive

    By removing legal protection of individuals or the ability of individuals to access the legal system they force people to operate outside the law. Which in most places means gangs and organized crime, which governments use and like for many reasons.

    In this case the illegal activity is drugs. Not having the protection of our legal systems and society at large creates many negatives, all of which the government can then blame on drugs. Those negative consequences are then used to justify many government activities and the enforcement of morals as the government sees them.

    Being labeled a drug dealer also removes many protections needed to operate a business. Even the legal parts of their business will be called a criminal enterprise by police and courts, after all funding in whole or in part comes from illegal activities so that makes it a criminal enterprise.

    BUT Access to our legal systems is allowed for many criminal activities and enterprises. Our courts and police are very active in assisting some criminals, acting as gang enforcement, complete with home invasions and property confiscation. The financial collapse of 2008 gave the world in many countries many obvious examples but spend some time watching the courts and most people will notice that some convicted of crimes are not even called criminals. Some are considered valued upstanding members of society by "our" courts.

    The crime makes the difference. If the same rules applied equally a single case of fraud or financial wrong doing would label all those involved as criminals resulting in confiscation of their property and endless negative consequences. Even when an individual or gang is profiting from defrauding people out of their homes with fraudulent subprime mortgages or fixing banking interest rates they still have access to the court to enforce their various legal dealings, including those involving mortgages and interest rates. The full power and violence of the government is available to assist them in enforcing court rulings.

    Only when it becomes politically untenable do they lose access to that power and violence but even then they still have far more legal protections than the low level drug dealer. Even if the results of their crimes are far greater, create more misery and death, our business criminal will not face similar consequences.

    And when we read a story about a drug dealer calling the police and laugh we are showing ourselves that we have accepted the system so completely, that we are doing it's bidding for it, even against our own interests. Which is exactly what I did.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "weighed one gramme"

    LOL never.

    What kind of pusher actually puts a whole actual gram, no wonder he's thick.

    Not that I'd know.

  8. hplasm Silver badge
    Coat

    Jeez...

    What was this guy on?

    Oh, I see...

  9. Your alien overlord - fear me
    Facepalm

    The Aussie bird was right

    my local pot dealer charges through the nose for a decent Le Cruset pot, let alone their frying pans :-)

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: The Aussie bird was right

      But if you nick one can you claim a cast-iron alibi?

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: The Aussie bird was right

        My mate nicked a lorry load of incomplete ones en route from the iron casting place to the factory. Couldn't sell them like that, so I had to finish them off myself before we could sell them. I got done for handling stolen items, and he was charged with dealing in forged goods.

    2. macjules Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: The Aussie bird was right

      I bought one off you. They told me it was still hot.

  10. Tigra 07 Silver badge
    Joke

    FTFY

    "Floridian fuzz said that local David Blackmon"

    Should read: "Floridian fuzz said that local black man, David"

    ...Yes, it's a joke, don't shoot me

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: FTFY

      "...Yes, it's a joke, don't shoot me"

      But it's the fuzz, so what do you expect them to do? ... Bang!

  11. a_yank_lurker Silver badge

    Mississippi and West Virginia

    With dimbulbs like this, Mississippians and West Virginians may be saying "Thank God for Florida" very soon as they will not be the laughingstock over here any more. Remember, Palm Beach County Florida had the goofy ballots that Gore thought cost him the election (note PBC is a donkey stronghold and the ballots were designed by donkeys).

  12. TheElder

    Re: I think the residents of Finglas may disagree

    Upon checking mean IQ of various countries we have these scores:

    UK = 100

    Ireland = 92

    35 countries lower than UK in this list:

    https://iq-research.info/en/page/average-iq-by-country

  13. JJKing Bronze badge
    Facepalm

    Why are you so surprised?

    Trump supporters aren't known to be all that bright!

    I'm going to call this invoking Drumpf's Law. Godwin should be so proud with his baby brother.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Columbian ???

    Greetings from Bogota El Reg...

    Now, where's the:... 'its Colombia .... not Columbia ... icon'???

    1. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: Columbian ???

      It's here ==>

  15. Herby Silver badge

    You won't be lying...

    If you say criminals are dumb. If they were smart, they wouldn't be classified as "criminals", just businessmen.

    1. lglethal Silver badge

      Re: You won't be lying...

      or politicians...

  16. PhilipN Silver badge

    Field test positive

    Field test ....ummm .... How?

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Field test positive

      It's a swab that changes colour.

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