back to article Jesus walks away after 7,000lb pipe van incident

Jesus has miraculously survived a great weight from the heavens that should have crushed him to death, according to Florida TV. 36-year-old Jesus Armando Escobar was driving down the American Interstate 4 motorway on Saturday when a scrap metal truck driver lost control on an overpass above the motorway. The scrap metal truck …

  1. TRT Silver badge

    Meanwhile...

    as Jesus Escobar climbed out from the centre of the pipe which had miraculously fallen exactly so that he was protected in the hollow core, a large bird was heard to say "Beep Beep" before pulling out its tongue and running away at a prodigious speed.

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Meanwhile...

      I suppose you deduced this from the discovery of a flattened coyote?

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Meanwhile...

        That, and the motorway flyover was later found to consist only of a coat of paint.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Meanwhile...

          I think it's more likely that the ticketed truck driver has a metal endoskeleton and will be bakk.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "If he had been sitting in any other seat, he would have likely been killed,” officials told the local TV station

    If he was sitting in another seat and driving he would have been the real Jesus.

    What a peculiar comment.

    1. Toltec

      In the right seat

      Good job he wasn't in a Tesla.

    2. Dan McIntyre

      "If he was sitting in another seat and driving he would have been the real Jesus.

      What a peculiar comment."

      Not really. I can drive my car either from my drivers' seat or the front passenger seat thanks to the placement of my hand controls.

      1. Chunky Munky
        Joke

        --Not really. I can drive my car either from my drivers' seat or the front passenger seat thanks to the placement of my hand controls.--

        That's nothing - my mother-in-law was able to drive my car from any seat in the vehicle, provided I was behind the wheel :(

        1. Anonymous Blowhard

          @Chunky Munky

          Upvoted on behalf of the great Les Dawson.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Dan McIntyre

        Everyday I search for the one and everyday I am almost never disappointed.

        Today you win the "there's always one" award.

    3. The First Dave

      Talking of peculiar; a segment of a pipe is just a pipe, shirley ?

      1. TRT Silver badge

        a segment of a pipe is just a pipe, shirley

        Not really. You see what the article is referring to is just a pipe. A SEGMENT of a pipe would be any pipe formed by two planes intersecting a pipe which are not perpendicular to the axis of the pipe; where one or more of the planes ARE perpendicular to the axis, these form the special cases of a "pipe wedge" in the case of one plane only, and a "shortened pipe" in the case of both planes.

      2. Number6

        Talking of peculiar; a segment of a pipe is just a pipe, shirley ?

        Depends on how long it is. A really short piece of pipe is usually called a washer.

        And stop calling...

    4. dnicholas Bronze badge

      Was just about to post the same

  3. JakeMS

    Jesus!

    That is one lucky guy!

    PS: Naming your kid Jesus is not cool, think of going through school being called Jesus and the constant "Jesus" jokes as an adult.

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Re: Jesus!

      PS: Naming your kid Jesus is not cool, think of going through school being called Jesus and the constant "Jesus" jokes as an adult.

      I'm sure they'd learn to turn the other cheek

      1. breakfast

        Re: Jesus!

        They would learn to do that eventually, but until then they would probably get cross.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. kain preacher Silver badge

      Re: Jesus!

      Jesus is a common name in a Mexico and and its produced hey Zeus

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Jesus!

        "Jesus is a common name in a Mexico and and its produced hey Zeus."

        It's VERY common, and sometimes has the last name to go with it. A long time ago in a lab far far away, I saw a Jesus Christ test positive for an STD. No kidding.

      2. WolfFan Silver badge

        Re: Jesus!

        hey Zeus

        Zeus is Greek, not Hispanic, and he tends to throw thunderbolts at those who make fun of his name.

        1. Jeffrey Nonken Silver badge

          Re: Jesus!

          *rolls eyes*

          He clearly meant "pronounced" and either made a typo or was helpfully auto-filled or autocorrected by his phone.

          1. WolfFan Silver badge
            Devil

            Re: Jesus!

            *rolls eyes*

            He clearly meant "pronounced" and either made a typo or was helpfully auto-filled or autocorrected by his phone.

            Yep. And I made a joke out of it, hoping to catch the humor-impaired. It worked.

      3. Sean o' bhaile na gleann

        Re: Jesus!

        I used to work for an American company that had an office in Mexico City. This involved a regular exchange of e-mails between me in the UK and the Mexican guys.

        It took me a fair amount of time to get over the psychological 'hump' of starting e-mails with 'Hi, Jesus' and 'Hello Angel' etc.

    3. Adam 1 Silver badge

      Re: Jesus!

      It's not that based, it is based on the same name as Joshua.

      Yeshua (Hebrew) -> Iēsous (Greek) -> Jesus (Latin)

      1. RegGuy1

        Re: Jesus!

        Yeshua (Hebrew) -> Iēsous (Greek) -> Jesus (Latin) --> Oy! Nutter (ASBO English)

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Jesus!

          We have a Jesus who is a team lead. His team have 'Jesus is coming, look busy' as their team logo.

    4. WolfFan Silver badge

      Re: Jesus!

      Naming your kid Jesus is not cool, think of going through school being called Jesus and the constant "Jesus" jokes as an adult.

      Around here, it seems that roughly every fifth Hispanic male is named 'Jesus' (and some have 'Maria' in the mix; south Germans tend to have that, too) and every sixth Irish male and some Hispanic ones are 'Francis Xavier'. I even know a Jesus Maria Francis Xavier Suarez, though I admit that I did ask him what he did to get his mom mad with him. If you tried to rag on the assorted Jesui in school you'd undoubtedly have a close encounter with a lot of angry Hispanics. Bad idea. As for Jesus jokes at work... that's creating a hostile work environment, son, and I'm pretty sure who'd be laughing as you exit the premises with your stuff in a cardboard box.

      And 'Jesus' is far from the worst possible name. I went to school with one boy who was named 'Armour of God'. Everyone called him 'Armie'. I swear I'm not making this up.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Jesus!

        " I went to school with one boy who was named 'Armour of God'."

        Better than being called Operation Condor, I suppose!

        (anyone not getting this terrible joke, go brush up on your Jackie Chan!)

      2. ICPurvis47

        Re: Jesus!

        I went to school with a chap named Warren Peace. What were his parents thinking of???

        1. This is my handle

          Re: Jesus!

          I hope he at least had a sense of humor about it, unlike the sophomore in my 11th grade Spanish class "Ginger Rail". I may have misspelled her last name, but pronunciation wise it was ... you got it: just like Schweppes.

      3. This post has been deleted by its author

    5. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Jesus!

      > Naming your kid Jesus is not cool, think of going through school being called Jesus and the constant "Jesus" jokes as an adult.

      I think that would be borderline anti-semitic.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Antisemitism...

        Well he was nearly killed at an overpass rather than a passover... dangers of being a first born.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Jesus!

      > PS: Naming your kid Jesus is not cool, think of going through school

      > being called Jesus and the constant "Jesus" jokes as an adult.

      Sigh...Not where he lives...

      Are you Megan "Father Christmas is White' Kelly?

      Don't be so insular. There are many cultures out there you know.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You said it, man.

    Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

    1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      Re: You said it, man.

      Not even Mary Magdalene?

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: You said it, man.

        8 year olds, Dude.

      2. WolfFan Silver badge

        Re: You said it, man.

        Not even Mary Magdalene?

        Depends on how seriously you take "Jesus Christ, Superstar". Way back when the then il Papa just about had a cow at the thought of carpenter-boy Josh banging some Asian chick. Which was one of the major reasons why I went to see the movie when it came out. Boy was the local preacher-boy pissed when he found out; he sentenced me to umpty-ump 'Hail Mary's. I told him to get stuffed. Haven't set foot inside a house of indoctrination since, other than at weddings and funerals.

        <exits, singing "Don't Know How To Love Him">

        1. kain preacher Silver badge

          Re: You said it, man.

          There are people that believe Mary Magdalene was his wife and not a whore. Just that the men at the time a that assembled the bible could not handle the idea of a strong women.

          1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

            Re: You said it, man.

            "There are people that believe Mary Magdalene was his wife and not a whore. "

            Assuming he existed at all, that's quite likely. It would be quite unusual for a man not to be married in that time and place.

    2. PhilipN Silver badge

      Re: You said it, man.

      UV'ed for the Big Lebowski nod

  5. Anonymous Coward
    WTF?

    Pah, almost no damage to that,,,

    ,,now surviving this, now these are worthy of divine intervention being the reason they survived!

    http://metro.co.uk/2014/12/11/between-these-lorries-is-a-car-the-woman-inside-survived-4982877/

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2704093/Crash-victims-miraculously-survive-thumbs-car-crushed-flat-lorrys-shipping-container-load.html

  6. Pedigree-Pete
    Joke

    Local TV station.

    Am I the only one who read that as WTFTV9. PP

  7. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    The funny side is a bit morbid here

    I had the pleasure of being behind a lorry carrying a container full of scrap on the A14 when it started losing bits of it. Driving down the road to see various bits of metal including what to be a car bonnet tumbling through the air and barely missing your windscreen by a few cm is not very funny.

    I had to overtake it at 90mph+ with a "lead foot" praying that nothing else flies out of the top of the skip during the 15 or so seconds to do so and then call the cops to pull him over and secure the road (sharp metal through your tires is almost as pleasant as sharp metal through the windscreen).

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: The funny side is a bit morbid here

      That's not good! Unfortunately I've also seen insecure loads on fast roads more times than I'd like (i.e. >0) The worst I saw was the side panel of a lorry carrying scaffolding tubes that popped open under the Gs on entering a roundabout. The person in the next lane was not amused, nor was I - I have quite sensitive hearing.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The funny side is a bit morbid here

        > The worst I saw was the side panel of a lorry carrying scaffolding tubes that popped open

        A friend's son was following a couple of lorries on a motorway when the first suffered a suspension collapse and the leaf springs fell out onto the road. The lorry in front of him ran over one and flipped it up: it went through the windscreen end-on and then through his eye socket, taking the side of his head off.

        Somehow, he brought the car to a stop without crashing. His girlfriend, who was in the passenger seat, was unhurt. (As unhurt as seeing a scene from a horror movie play out in front of you can be.)

        After three months in a coma and ten months in hospital he got to go home with 'life changing injuries' (as the media now like to say) i.e. blind and deaf on one side, severe brain damage and unable to do anything for himself. He was only mid-twenties.

        There is no upside to this story. The police did track down the lorry and driver but because it had passed its most recent MoT they couldn't prosecute.

        What can I say? Make the most of what you have when you have it.

    2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: The funny side is a bit morbid here

      I had to overtake it at 90mph+ with a "lead foot" praying that nothing else flies out of the top of the skip during the 15 or so seconds to do so

      Captain Wedge Antilles, I presume?

    3. GingerOne

      Re: The funny side is a bit morbid here

      You were behind a moving vehicle with bit falling off and you decided to go faster and overtake rather than stop? Dumbass!

    4. Commswonk Silver badge

      Re: The funny side is a bit morbid here

      From (not recent) past experience driving on the A14 requires courage above and beyond the norm at the best of times, at least on the section between the M1/M6 and the M11.

      I did something similar to what you did on the A6024 from Holme Moss downhill to the A628 (Woodhead) to warn an HGV that his load of (empty?) oil drums was shifting rather alarmingly.

      Not an experience I am anxious to repeat...

  8. Tronald Dump

    Well

    I hope he's not stigmatised because of this incident

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Well

      It's just a cross he'll have to bear

      1. lglethal Silver badge
        Trollface

        Re: Well

        Dont worry, he's not the messiah, he's a very lucky boy!

    2. Tom 7 Silver badge

      Re: Well

      He'll never eat maltezers again!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So, apart from playing on the guy's first name, where's the angle that makes this worthy of anything other than a footnote in the local news?

    Oh yeah, his name's Jesus. And he had a miraculous escape from an accident. Hahaha. By the way, that's a pretty common first name in Spanish-speaking countries. And if you're going to laugh at his name, how about laughing at all the people called Christopher?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ooooh!

      Someone's cross.

      1. Craig 2

        Re: Ooooh!

        Nailed it.

        1. kryptonaut

          Re: Ooooh!

          Some of these comments are holy inappropriate

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ooooh!

        I pray he calms down.

    2. theModge

      Chris Morris is to be fair hilarious, if you haven't yet laughed at him I suggest you start now. The Brass Eye is amazing, the religion special seems appropriate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5tGkw6mHxJw

      Other, the day to day is also great

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    At least he had some protection from the vehicle body - what if it had been Christ on a bike?

    1. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

      "what if it had been Christ on a bike?"

      I've seen Jesus on a bike.

      It was in fact a moped, but the guy himself was a dead ringer for the subject of all those medieval paintings and sculptures you see in churches.

      Two years ago, somewhere in Europe, when I was on my hols.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        I've seen Jesus on a bike

        LOL, sounds like a good title for a novel :)

        Also upvotes for converting "Christ on a bike", which is an expression I have actually heard somewhere..

        1. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge
          Happy

          "'Ive seen Jesus on a bike"

          LOL, sounds like a good title for a novel :)

          I knew that authoring software I got in a special offer would come in handy one day.

          Book outline started :-)

  11. wolfetone Silver badge

    Hold on, "if he had been in any other seat he'd have been killed"?

    Well if he was in any other seat he wouldn't be driving, and not in that place at that time?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just as he got out of the car ..

    .. he was arrested for having a Mexican name, and now awaits deportation.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Just as he got out of the car ..

      Trump hasn't even managed to beat Obama's numbers (yet another disgraceful failure and a fuck-over of his voter base), so it's pretty unlikely.

  13. jtaylor

    It wasn't just Jesus

    Article picture shows "big popes." Maybe this was a team effort!

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jesus wept...

    Because his insurance wouldn't pay out.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of a similar story

    I was one day going downhill to work, when I stumbled upon a big rock on the road. Stopped to remove it, noticed a big mark of resinous bark on the road. Shrugged and then continued down on this zig-zag road, just to arrive just below where I'd stopped previously.

    A big (by our standard) 15 m long tree for a good 3 tons, was lying across the road, blocking it, and I was the second to arrive so it must had been happening minutes ago.

    End of the day, I arrived back with my chainsaw 20 mins later to saw it and noticed it had been chopped by a chainsaw, not fallen from the wind. I also noticed a guy almost hiding behind the dozen cars already piled up in a small van, looking from afar.

    The guy was loading wood on a truck 100 meters above the mountain, when he lost one tree, during busy time for the road, and I can tell he had already crapped himself when he came to see if anyone was injured ! He finally took the chainsaw from me, explaining: "let me do it, it's mine after all".

    If it had fallen at the moment I was driving down, even my Toyota would have been crushed like an ant under a sledgehammer. Myself included.

  16. Tronald Dump

    Some miraculous first aid....

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Jesus-first-plasters-band-aids/dp/B00BTGMS0Y

  17. hellwig Silver badge

    Quite a European Description

    American Interstate 4 motorway

    Did you mean "U.S. Interstate Highway 4", shortened as "Interstate 4" or "I-4"?

    1. kain preacher Silver badge

      Re: Quite a European Description

      UM it's either US route , US Highway or interstate. Never heard of US interstate. And this would be interstate 4 or I-4 but other than that I've never hear of the term Motor way used in the US or Canada for that matter.

      1. hellwig Silver badge

        Re: Quite a European Description

        I guess technically it's the:

        Dwight D. Eisenhower National System of Interstate and Defense Highways

        But you're right, I kludged US Highway and Interstate Highway together.

  18. Stevie Silver badge

    Oh Danny Boy

    The pipes, the pipes were falling.

  19. Captain Obvious
    Joke

    Maybe all of this....

    was just a pipe dream!

  20. herman Silver badge

    Pray tell what is the technical IT angle to this miracle?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      His phone hath bluetooth.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Jesus is Neo from the Matrix, and the Matrix is practically a mix between guns, cyberpunk, Philip K. Dick, multiculturalism, AI and Trinity. Thus, we technically have an approximation of a mix betwen Jesus/Trinity/AI and cyber-multiculturalism, with added transsubstantiation, and possibly intersectionality. We thus arrive at the conclusion that Jesus is, in fact, technical (disregarding the fourth element of the trinity and replacing it by the missing dimension: time!), but also woke, but without gun control.

      But definitely technical.

    3. Captain DaFt

      Pray tell what is the technical IT angle to this miracle?

      The pipe was part of an upgrade to ex-senator Ted Stevens "Series of tubes" internet? ☺

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Pray tell what is the technical IT angle to this miracle?

        Hyperloop test track delayed...

    4. DropBear Silver badge
      Trollface

      Well, it did start as a cautionary tale of the dangers of broken pipes...

    5. hplasm Silver badge
      Coat

      The Internet IS a series of pipes...

      There's the IT angle.

    6. mattje

      Having El Reg open at work, it technically looks work-related

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Of course he had to survive miraculously

    He is "Jesus" after all. How else can the story contnue, if he was crushed. Even the earlier iteration 2000 years ago came back from the dead to transform the world and creat the religious wars ! I'm sure Trump is scheming something similar, to punish Mexico for this outrageous transgression on his territory.

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Holmes

      Re: Of course he had to survive miraculously

      Yeah about that,

      Self-loathing Murricans butthurt that Mexico lost its territory:

      Will Mexico Get Half of Its Territory Back?

      Mexico is now a victim ripe for reparations.

      Hey, maybe the UK can get some pieces back, too?

      I always though that WWII transformed Japan into crazy self-punishing animeland, but apparently this can be bettered.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    St. Jesus

    He is proof that miracles happen and is next in line to be anointed/ canonized as a saint. The Pope is busy working on it.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Jesus cant die

    If he did, all the poor Jehova's witnesses will become unemployed and stop bothering households ! Man, that would be a catastrophe. I would miss them.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Jesus cant die

      If you tell them you didn't see the accident they stop coming round.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There must be...

    A Mel Gibson joke somehwere.

    The Smashin' of The Christ?

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lucky he had no major injuries to his lower extremities

    Then he'd be Christ on a crutch!

  26. cray74
    Flame

    To phrase this delicately, "F*** I-4."

    When I landed a job in Orlando I made sure to select a home so that my commute avoided that death trap. I tell visitors that all four Mad Max films were made on it, and if they can pick hotels that do not require travel on I-4 to their favored destinations (Disney or my office) then they should do so.

    I-4 outside of Orlando and construction zones isn't terrible, but the city grew up so rapidly after the 1970s (thanks, Mr. Mouse) that it engulfed I-4 and turned a "limited access" interstate into a winding, frequently-accessed thoroughfare integral to Orlando commuting. High speed traffic from outside the city crashes into slow-merging traffic from numerous on-ramps complicated by ongoing construction, so there's typically about one traffic death per week in the Orlando stretch of I-4.

    You can tell when there's a bad wreck on I-4 because the early morning meetings are only half-populated.

    "Where is everyone?"

    "Wreck on I-4."

    "Ah."

  27. handleoclast Silver badge

    Able to walk away

    Yes, but with the penguin-like gait of one who has suddenly, explosively shat himself.

  28. Chris Evans

    The drivers name!

    Was it Damien by any chance:-)

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