back to article Male escort says he gave up IT to do something more meaningful

A male escort has opened up about leaving behind his uncomfortable experiences soullessly prostituting himself in IT in favour of working in the sex industry. Sydney-based John Oh said he ran IT businesses in the late '90s and 2000s. But due to the recession, he turned to escorting as a sideline to fill the gaps financially, …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's an option

    I guess it's something to consider if I ever cock up my career .......

    1. TheVogon Silver badge

      Re: It's an option

      I suspect he might find it more difficult to insert a floppy in his new job...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: It's an option

      IT types are often so busy they don't know whether they're coming or going...

      Looks like this chap's halved that problem...

    3. Montreal Sean

      Re: It's an option

      A cock up would certainly help in this line of work.

    4. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: It's an option

      Leaving aside the parasites and vultures (no offence El Reg) who tend to control one's life in this scene, there are worse ways of earning a living than escorting. Indeed, plenty of IT jobs are more physically and mentally gruelling and pay substantially less.

  2. TRT Silver badge

    What sort of clientele?

    Widows as a service?

    1. EyePeaSea
      Joke

      Re: What sort of clientele?

      SaaS = Sex as a Service?

      Much more satisfying anything Adobe have to offer.

      1. LeahroyNake Bronze badge
        Coat

        Re: What sort of clientele?

        Also more satisfying and cheaper than an Adobe subscription :p

    2. macjules Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: What sort of clientele?

      Or even worse .. Mac Oh Sex

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: What sort of clientele?

        Speciality is Amiga.

    3. Jedit

      Re: What sort of clientele?

      I would upvote this OP, but it's at +69 right now and I won't be the one to spoil it.

  3. malle-herbert Silver badge
    Joke

    He should have become an IT consultant...

    Since those also like to give their customers a good shafting...

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: He should have become an IT consultant...

      Oy! I resemble that remark :P

      Also, if he ran IT Businesses and failed to have a positive impact on anyone's life then he probably wasn't cut out for IT in the first place.

      1. Roland6 Silver badge

        Re: He should have become an IT consultant...

        "he ran IT businesses in the late '90s and 2000s" ...

        "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives - a small number to be sure, but it's something that IT never allowed me to do,"

        Clearly he wasn't a very good businessman, as obviously his IT businesses were abject failures. My interpretation is that someone who "ran IT businesses" wasn't just a contractor running a one man business, but someone who actually employeed people.

    2. kain preacher Silver badge

      Re: He should have become an IT consultant...

      But he wants to look the people in the face that he screws.

  4. andy 103
    Happy

    "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

    "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives - a small number to be sure, but it's something that IT never allowed me to do,"

    On a serious note, that's why a lot of people give up when they're working in I.T. Because they are rarely thanked for what they do, and it's often hard for them to see how what they do impacts in a positive (or negative!) way for their clients. This is especially true of developers in large organisations. I know some amazing developers who have gone on to do other things - albeit not escorting - for this very reason. I'm lucky because I'm finally working in an organisation where they really appreciate and value what you do. It makes a world of difference and I've never worked anywhere with such low staff turnover. I'm sure other people will have had experiences both ways (no escorting-based pun intended).

    1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

      Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

      Because [IT workers] are rarely thanked for what they do

      To misquote Charles Schulz: doing a good job in IT is like pissing yourself in a dark suit - it may give you a warm glow, but nobody seems to notice.

      When I worked as a sysadmin I only ever got asked two questions from the users: "why isn't X working?" or "what do you do all day?"

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

        Most IT implementations are undertaken to automate processes with senior management believing that it will allow them to reduce costs (i.e., headcount). It's not surprising that people would be unlikely to be thanking you.

        With the advent of "cloud", it may be that sysadmins find themselves being taken out...

      2. dak

        Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

        That's why I gave up working as a UNIX sysadmin - the only measure of success was a lack of complaints.

    2. Dazed and Confused Silver badge

      Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

      On a serious note, that's why a lot of people give up when they're working in I.T.

      Yepp that's why my Mrs gave up IT, albeit it not to go into escorting... at least not as far as I've noticed.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: But Angela has a working brain...

      Oh my god, nothing's working; you're useless

      Oh my god, nothing ever breaks; you're not worth the money

      At least if you're shagging a customer they can appreciate where their money is going

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: But Angela has a working brain...

        Pretty certain the second bit is why I just lost my upcoming contract renewal*. The first part happened as well, although all three times my stuff went down was due to networks and servers, but since my system was what everyone saw fail it was, of course, my fault.

        * NO, really, I actually heard someone ask this while passing in the hallway during one of my rare trips out of my cave. "Who's that guy?" "Oh, he runs the ___ system." "Really? God, why do we need him? It hasn't been down in over a year, and then it was down twice in a couple of months. Is he any good?"

        No. Fucking. Shit.

        (Anonymous because I know the twats trawl this site and, while I have already given them a piece of my mind about whether or not I will be around for a call-in should anything serious happen, considering how they jerked me around on the renewal for several months, I would rather not leave one of them thar paper-trail thingies.)

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

      > Because they are rarely thanked for what they do, and it's often hard for them to see how what they do impacts in a positive (or negative!) way for their clients.

      FOSS mate, give it a try.

      You still have the spoilt brats who complain like they have raised you and paid for your education and your first two Ferraris, of course, but at least you can tell them to go get escorted by someone without fear of repercussions.

      And on the other hand, you do have a lot of users who are polite and show appreciation for what you do in many different ways: by saying thank you, by sending patches, sometimes even making donations. Plus, I think it's nice to have that sort of face-to-face interaction between users and developers. While my own contributions have always been anonymous, like everything else I do online, as a user I do get satisfaction from knowing that this application or that library have been written by John, or Linda, or whoever, as opposed to the facelessness of a "© Microsoft" or some such.

      So yeah, FOSS is an entirely different experience with a much richer social aspect.

    5. LaeMing
      Unhappy

      Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

      Funny. That's exactly why I left the modern Education sector! (I missed the boat on escorting, though).

    6. MJI Silver badge

      Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

      So do I

      In IT

      I get thanks as well.

      Small business, vertical market software, low sales, high value, you know your customers.

    7. GruntyMcPugh Silver badge

      Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

      "On a serious note, that's why a lot of people give up when they're working in I.T. Because they are rarely thanked for what they do,"

      This is why I like cooking. My previous IT life (I was an IBMer) was incredibly unsatisfying, and frustrating. Often felt I was being ignored, and I was correcting the same mistakes made by our offshore teams over and over again, and never felt I was getting anywhere. Cooking meant I could plan, and execute something, and see the results. The customer (my wife) would be pleased with the result. My post IT strategy is to run a Bed and Breakfast, and do some cooking. I don't think my wife would approve if I offered 'extras' : -)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "I get to make a genuine difference to people's lives"

        My stepson's a chef. A bloody good chef. Been a sous at The Criterion in Picc Circus amongst other places.

        Believe me, nothing - and I mean nothing - I've ever seen in IT matches the sierra-hotel-one-tango he's had thrown at him over the years.

        Far too many head chefs seem to think that all those celebrity chefs are some sort of role model, and HR in the hospitality biz makes a chocolate teapot look like a very useful device. I fought and beat one once to help him out. He's gone FoH now, in chain restaurants mostly, but of course whenever the kitchen crashes it's him who sorts it out.

        B&B - don't. Just don't. Unless you have a very realistic expectation of the long hours and hard work involved.

  5. Gordon Pryra

    I wouldn't get out of bed for that sort of cash

    Oh, hang on....

  6. Solarflare
    Devil

    "Unlike in tech, 'I get to make a small difference to people's lives'"

    If I did it, I'd get to make a big difference to people's lives!

    1. Jedit
      Devil

      "If I did it, I'd get to make a big difference to people's lives!"

      Stuff asking "why aren't there more women in tech", the real question we should be asking is why there are so many male engineers when they all seem to think

      <------>

      is eight inches.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    i did this when i was younger

    it pays very well.

    but a few things to remember:

    - there are a lot of unhappy middle aged women out there. most just want a bit of company.

    - female hygiene isn't all its made out to be.

    1. wolfetone Silver badge

      Re: i did this when i was younger

      To think that, in my youth, I would chat middle aged women up in clubs and have a wonderful time with them.

      No one told me I could've charged them for it!!!!

      1. This post has been deleted by a moderator

        1. Tikimon Silver badge
          Facepalm

          Re: i did this when i was younger

          "Lets be honest, if you were chatting up desperate middle age women its because you couldn't pull the ones nearer your own age, and/or you had an Oedipus thing going on."

          Let's be honest, you have no idea what you're talking about. Only desperate women are chasing younger guys, and only desperate men would pursue an older woman? Just what insurmountable problem does an age difference cause? A billion or so MILF fans also disagree with you.

          I had a fling with an older woman or two when I was younger. I was dating around my age with no problem. These were attractive women with enough experience to be smoking hot in bed. Beats a self-entitled, inexperienced 20-something any day. I also once dated a woman who preferred men 15+ years older than her because she was tired of shallow young guys. Age means nothing if you're taking reasonable care of your body.

          1. boltar Silver badge

            Re: i did this when i was younger

            "Let's be honest, you have no idea what you're talking about. "

            30 years experience with women says otherwise sunshine.

            "Only desperate women are chasing younger guys, and only desperate men would pursue an older woman?"

            In a nutshell. The women are hitting the panic button over their fading youth (a bit like Kate Beckinsale right now with her toyboy) and the men will take the first female who looks at them twice.

            "Age means nothing if you're taking reasonable care of your body."

            Pfft, yeah, right, whatever you say Peter Pan. Who's your next conquest, Enid at the old peoples home?

            1. wolfetone Silver badge

              Re: i did this when i was younger

              "30 years experience with women says otherwise sunshine."

              Anyone can have 30 years experience. It doesn't mean you have 30 years of experience doing the right thing.

              And, for the record, nothing desperate about it. It just so happened older women were a lot more adventerous in bed, a lot less needy than girls my own age, and all of them had their own place.

              1. boltar Silver badge

                Re: i did this when i was younger

                "Anyone can have 30 years experience. It doesn't mean you have 30 years of experience doing the right thing."

                Whats the "right thing"? I've no regrets. I couldn't imagine going out with some middle age woman when I was younger, I wanted someone who had similar cultural reference points and was fun, not someone boring on about the beetles or presley and her mortgage payments.

                "It just so happened older women were a lot more adventerous in bed"

                Clearly you've never been out with the right younger women.

                1. wolfetone Silver badge

                  Re: i did this when i was younger

                  "Whats the "right thing"? I've no regrets. I couldn't imagine going out with some middle age woman when I was younger, I wanted someone who had similar cultural reference points and was fun, not someone boring on about the beetles or presley and her mortgage payments."

                  Ahhhhh, see now here we have the problem. And this can all be settled with this one line:

                  I didn't date older women. I shagged them. No relationships, nothing. Just a text or a call to say "You busy? Fancy some fun?" and then in half an hour I'm riding them like a donkey. Again, something women my own age didn't want.

                  So there.

                  1. boltar Silver badge

                    Re: i did this when i was younger

                    "I didn't date older women. I shagged them. No relationships, nothing. "

                    Fair enough.

                  2. Anonymous Coward
                    Anonymous Coward

                    Re: i did this when i was younger

                    Just a text or a call to say "You busy? Fancy some fun?" and then in half an hour I'm riding them like a donkey. Again, something women my own age didn't want.

                    So there.

                    Here's a tip

                    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TH0XOCFGDD8

                    Thank you cell phone Jesus!

                  3. Dwarf Silver badge
                    Joke

                    Re: i did this when i was younger

                    Just a text or a call to say "You busy? Fancy some fun?" and then in half an hour I'm riding them like a donkey.

                    Most of the time when I see people riding a Donkey (at the beach), they are jiggling up and down at a random pace; often fall off unexpectedly. Some realise that they prefer watching someone else doing it.

                    There's also the cheap gag of someone making an ass of themselves.

                    Sorry, that all the innuendo's I cam cum up with.

            2. IsJustabloke Silver badge
              Facepalm

              Re: i did this when i was younger

              "30 years experience with women says otherwise sunshine."

              who a sad bitter little boy then?

              Cheer up chum even you'll get an opportunity to give Mary Palm and her five sisters a rest.

              @wolftone

              "It just so happened older women were a lot more adventerous in bed, a lot less needy than girls my own age, and all of them had their own place."

              that was always my experience as well.

              1. boltar Silver badge

                Re: i did this when i was younger

                "who a sad bitter little boy then?"

                Sorry, think you've been looking in the mirror by mistake.

                "Cheer up chum even you'll get an opportunity to give Mary Palm and her five sisters a rest."

                That your close family is it?

                "that was always my experience as well."

                Another little boy who was looking for a substitute mummy. All a bit tragic and rather funny :)

            3. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: i did this when i was younger

              > 30 years experience with women

              Boltar, I do not think our fellow poster would consider sitting in front of a computer monitor, furiously scrolling through picture galleries with your free hand, as qualifying "experience".

              Then again, I might be wrong. :-P

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: i did this when i was younger

                > Boltar, I do not think our fellow poster would consider sitting in front of a computer monitor, furiously scrolling through picture galleries with your free hand, as qualifying "experience".

                Which is a shame, because if it did it would make me something of a Guru.

      2. Alan W. Rateliff, II

        Re: i did this when i was younger

        Yeah. Back in my 20s I developed a theory on why I should become a male escort. Never did the research, however.

        All you have to do is dress nicely, groom up presentably, and just look the part of a gentleman. Smile a lot, speak when spoken to, laugh at horrible or stupid jokes, pretend to take interest in whatever inanity spills forth from her mouth, be gracious when introduced as whatever (including going with whatever story she decides to tell, if at all as at some events this sort of thing is expected and accepted,) and so on.

        Be her best friend, a caring companion, whatever she may need for those few hours. Remembering certain details of your conversations can be a bonus for repeat customers, sometimes worth a little extra tip.

        Rather than having to pay for the evening's events, though if you do for appearances you can agree to be reimbursed, you get paid and have much better odds at a happy ending for the evening. You may never see her again, or if you do it's on a customer-provider basis so you get to set your availability with no hurt feelings.

        In my past I've gone on "dates" with lady friends so they wouldn't be alone: weddings, birthday parties, movie nights, even funerals. I never got any money for any of those but I realized I could given the right situation.

        Also, it doesn't have to stop at "middle age." Sites like "Our Time" are becoming a thing. There is a market in the 40 and 50 year-old range, and a lot of these ladies are very nice looking, good-natured, and fun. If you are in your 40s and have aged well, there is a chance for you to make the occupation change or take it on as a weekend job.

        That's the theory, anyway.

        1. Maty

          Re: i did this when i was younger

          Thanks guys

          Reading this thread was a real ride down memory lane, right to the back of the bike sheds at secondary school. All it lacked was someone bragging that he'd screwed the gym teacher. ..

          1. wolfetone Silver badge
            Coat

            Re: i did this when i was younger

            "All it lacked was someone bragging that he'd screwed the gym teacher."

            I did try. But I wasn't her type.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: i did this when i was younger

      Fanny Chmelar would disagree.

    3. KorndogDev

      Re: i did this when i was younger

      We all did it when we were younger, sorry, older. It's called bragging.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He should have stuck around in IT, there's much more opportunity to fuck people with windows 10.

    1. VinceH Silver badge

      It's Microsoft that is fucking people, though.

      What every one else is trying to do is administer morning after pills. Lots of them.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        and roll back abortions.

    2. kain preacher Silver badge

      But hew wants to fuck people happy and silly, not stupid and pissed off.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: W10

      > there's much more opportunity to fuck people with windows 10.

      Yeah, but it's the IT staff that get shafted most by it, and not in a good way.

    4. Wensleydale Cheese Silver badge

      "He should have stuck around in IT, there's much more opportunity to fuck people with windows 10."

      No. Microsoft is the pimp who gets the real money.

      You are the sex worker who gets to work long and antisocial hours and get much less money.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "I get to make a small difference to people's lives"

    I must admit that small difference is an uncharacteristic modest assessment of his, umm, attribute. No wonder he got nowhere in IT, far too honest for his own good :)

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      Re: "I get to make a small difference to people's lives"

      Well you know what it's like when people call you because they're having trouble inserting their floppies into Drive B...

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: ... floppies into Drive B

        Yeah, but 5.25" is not going to be enough, really.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: ... floppies into Drive B

          When I started, 8" was the norm.

          1. Steve K Silver badge

            Re: ... floppies into Drive B

            Still is here......

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: ... floppies into Drive B

              If it's 5.25" when it's floppy, it's quite likely to be more than respectable when it's... less floppy.

              If it's 8" when it's floppy... well, yeah.

      2. Montreal Sean

        Re: "I get to make a small difference to people's lives"

        Or when they call you to deal with their CUPS problems.

  10. Valerion

    SAAS

    Studs As A Service

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Techbro

    You could have launched a pimp app, taken a cut from all the other escorts, and made a bajillion dollars by now. Way to aim low bro.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon Silver badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Techbro

      Did you miss the bit where he gets paid to fuck about?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Techbro

        Yes but with a bajillion dollars he'd get to fuck attractive women.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Techbro

      Do you have a bajillion dollars from your app?

      No? Maybe it's not that easy then. Maybe what would actually have happened is that he would have spent an awful lot of time and effort on an app which if unsuccessful would have lost him money and if successful would have been quickly copycatted by a bajillion other developers leaving him very little profit.

      Either way sounds like a far worse deal than a bit of escorting.

  12. Anonymous South African Coward Silver badge

    The rest of us may look at taking up sheep/goat/chicken farming in some remote location far away from all things IT.

    1. Vinyl-Junkie
      Joke

      ?

      The rest of us may look at taking up sheep/goat/chicken farming in some remote location far away from all things IT.

      Posting this comment in an article that is otherwise about sex is more than a little disturbing...

      1. Nolveys Silver badge
        Windows

        Re: ?

        Posting this comment in an article that is otherwise about sex is more than a little disturbing...

        What's so ba-a-a-ad about it?

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: ?

          Big fan of goat stimulator.

    2. I3N
      Holmes

      Not a singular event ...

      ... general scoff heard in the halls when the word was that the DOD contractor had gone off to missionary work in foreign lands for retirement ...

      Yes, years ago met a HP engineer who left the Bay Area and went off to New Mexico to raise sheep and work on the VLA ....

  13. colinb

    Shaft

    One way to avoid getting shafted by IR35 i suppose

  14. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

    You gotta wonder what kind of "clients" a male escort gets , assuming he dosent entertain gay men .

    Laws of supply and demand would suggest its not a viable business , let alone one you can charge £200 an hour for .

    1. Voyna i Mor Silver badge

      "Laws of supply and demand would suggest its not a viable business , let alone one you can charge £200 an hour for ."

      Two words:

      Rich divorcées.

      1. psychonaut

        or rich fat munters.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You would be surprised, don't underestimate female desires, plus if idea is just a night of fun, you get guaranteed action instead of dating lucky dip, and so no need for awkward chats, dinner etc. - high escort costs offset to a degree by no restaurant etc. costs.

      Also plenty of non intimate escort work e.g. plenty of pressure on female execs to attend various functions with a "partner" - and so a market in fake "partners" for such things, where main requirement is intelligent, articulate, looking the part of the type of person that a female high flyer would be with (even though its 2017 a fair few female high fliers in the market as their interests are not in men, but feel being "out" would be career damaging). These type of jobs can become a regular gig (obviously, as looks odd if partner keeps changing!)

      1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

        re viable business

        re don't underestimate female desires, economic pov , rich divorcees etc

        I can understand a middle aged woman who might not look her best in an 8" mini skirt, twerking to the latest grime in a seedy nightclub at 3am being groped by 18yr old asholes.

        But an escort seems to be the other extreme. Women have a sexual power over men. They snap their fingers and men form a queue.

        The rich divorcee who dosent want the hassle of dating , or an actual relationship still has options - there are websites for that sort of thing - all she has to do is place an ad and use phrases like "no strings" and "discretion required" , and im sure there will be more choice than the local gigolo community.

        Admittedly , if she does want a professional partner impersonator for corporate do's then maybe go professional.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Laws of supply and demand would suggest its not a viable business "

      Look at this from an economic point of view. What is being supplied and what is the demand?

      Assume we're looking at single well off women in their 40s and 50s.

      If discussing stuff that may be a bit gross offends you - stop reading now.

      Women have sexual fantasies. These probably don't involve hanging around bars looking for single younger men. Nor do they involve, most likely, men of a similar age who are (a) probably the reason they are single in the first place and (b) chasing younger women.

      In effect they want a dramatic performance of their fantasies where they are the centre of attention and in it for real. Is a young man off the street likely to provide this? He's likely to be gauche, and easily turned off by the reality of middle aged women. A pick up may be a big disappointment.

      Now think of hiring an expert. She needs someone with a track record to avoid disappointment. If she wants to be spanked, she gets expert spanking, if she wants something tickled with a feather it gets tickled, and so on. She wants everything set up on her terms, and best of all when the fantasy is over she wants the escort out so she can go back to normal life.

      I suspect there are quite a lot of women in that position. But how many men are capable of meeting those requirements? (Certainly I couldn't.) Those are not skills that can easily be commoditised. In fact, the law of supply and demands suggests prices should be quite high. (At the top of the corresponding tree for men it's obvious that a degree of Veblen good is the order of the day.)

      IT is increasingly about commoditisation, which is why the experience is usually shit. (Individual needs are subsumed to standardisation.) If you want to provide a high value service (which gives some people a lot of satisfaction) upmarket cookery and boutique hotels are examples of other career options. My wife goes to a bespoke boot company, and that's another example of a personal service that can make both seller and buyer happy even though it entails a 300 mile round trip.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        My wife goes to a bespoke boot company, and that's another example of a personal service that can make both seller and buyer happy even though it entails a 300 mile round trip.

        Is that what she tells you?

      2. TRT Silver badge

        Dinner party talk...

        "Oh, so Angela tells me that you do IT for a living."

        "Huh? Say what? Erm... what? Oh, yeah. Yeah."

        "Does it pay well?"

        "Oh, well..."

        1. Prst. V.Jeltz Silver badge

          Re: Dinner party talk...

          When you do 'it' for a living its very hard to search job sites. My search results are always full of jobs for Glaziers and Waiting staff.

  15. magickmark
    Trollface

    Screw you

    Well at least he can now screw his clients and that's what they expect and want!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Screw you

      Well if \he wanted to get rich screwing and having him thank him, he should of become a lobist.

  16. TRT Silver badge

    Chat up line?

    "Can I try turning you on again?"

    1. Geoffrey W Silver badge

      Re: Chat up line?

      To be able to "Turn On Again" you need to first Turn Off. A lot of commenters here seem to have mastered the Turn Off part.

  17. Oliver Reed

    Object Orientated Programming is like making love to a beautiful woman...

    Pull out the appropriate object and remove any bugs and viruses that you find.

    Make sure that interfaces are clean and (initially) loosely coupled.

    Try out a few different and obscure methods.

    Explore a few test scenarios; in the event of an unexpected failure, simply pause, re-adjust your code-base and jump straight back in.

    But when you're done it really doesn't matter what kind of mess you leave inside as long as the final result is that, after the next major release, you have another happy and satisfied customer.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Object Orientated Programming is like making love to a beautiful woman...

      Really? I thought it was all about the method.

      1. psychonaut

        Re: Object Orientated Programming is like making love to a beautiful woman...

        scrum??

        1. colinb

          Re: Object Orientated Programming is like making love to a beautiful woman...

          I think PiMP is the relevant certification.

    2. James 36

      Re: Object Orientated Programming is like making love to a beautiful woman...

      shouldn't there be a bit about if normal entry fails then try the backdoor ?

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Object Orientated Programming is like making love to a beautiful woman...

        "shouldn't there be a bit about if normal entry fails then try the backdoor ?"

        Well I suspect he's going to deliberately TRY to avoid CATCHing anything.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    John... Oh!

    Is how he's presumably known now.

    1. psychonaut

      Re: John... Oh!

      what with him being an aussie, he is undoubtedly already called john-oh simply as a result of his first name.

      so he's actually john-oh oh

      which is probably why he was destined for this job all along.

  19. jason.bourne
    Happy

    How does one

    How does one erect such a business? How hard is it?

    1. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

      Re: How does one

      I understand there's stiff competition...

  20. nilfs2
    Coat

    I can understand him...

    ...I recently resigned to my 10 year IT career, I'm training my replacement before I leave in a month; I will open my own business designing and selling motorcycle safety accessories, I will save lives and avoid people getting injured, no more filling the pockets of NASDAQ with money selling and supporting overpriced snake oil.

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: I can understand him...

      "I will open my own business designing and selling motorcycle safety accessories, [...] "

      1. Any details? (I'm definitely part of your potential consumer base.)

      2. Good luck!

  21. This post has been deleted by its author

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've prostituted myself for years, it's called going to work and PAYE*.

    * Prostituted As You Earn

  23. Jack of Shadows Silver badge
    Coat

    "You're holding it wrong,"

    takes on a whole new meaning.

    Yeah, yeah. - - - >

  24. Unicornpiss Silver badge
    Happy

    I'm glad his story has a happy ending

    ..daily

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Surprised

    Most of the IT workers I know aren't really qualified to do what he does.

    Or else we'd be out there doing it.

  26. JulieM Bronze badge

    Other career changes

    I heard of a Roman Catholic priest who became disillusioned with Holy Orders and ended up as a croupier in a casino. He said now, whenever he hears someone praying, he knows they really mean it .....

  27. Stuart Halliday

    School never taught me that...

    After I was qualified to be a Microsoft IT engineer by the University of Edinburgh I didn't expect the reality of people not actually liking you because of your job.

    Seemingly I stop people going to Web sites at work, I stop them downloading stuff. In effect, I'm a policeman I was told.

    Manager thought I was rubbish because I allowed 1 spam email to reach his account. I tried to tell him, the software had blocked 999 of them that day. He would use his email on USENET!

    Director told me, IT was a drain on the business. It did nothing profitable for it.

    Seemingly the £20,000 I saved him on license fees that year was forgotten. Odd that.

    I was quite happy to get out and do freelance IT.

    Wish School had taught me how to deal with people who really didn't care what they got up to at Work.

    Oh hum

  28. Scott 29
    Joke

    All considered, I'm better off taking the red pill instead of the blue pill.

  29. JJKing
    Coat

    Oh whoopee (sic).

    His job isn't that great. Still has the obligatory overtime and probably gets a mouthful from his client quite often.

    Mines the one with the prophylactic and breath freshener in the same pocket.

  30. Chairman of the Bored Silver badge
    Joke

    I wish I could take credit for this...

    ...but I can't; its from USENET. Somebody's EE career is doing a lot better than mine:

    The Sex Life of an Electron by

    Eddie Currents

    One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Farad

    decided to seek out a cute little coil to let him discharge.  He picked up

    Millie Amp and took her for a ride on his megacycle.They rode across the

    Wheatstone Bridge, around the sine waves, and stopped in the magnetic field by

    a flowing current.  Micro Farad, attracted by Millie Amp's

    characteristic curves,soon had her fully charged and excited her luv resistance to a

    maximum. He laid her on the ground potential, raised her frequency, and

    lowered her reluctance. He pulled out his high voltage rod and inserted

    it in her socket, thus connecting them in parallel, and began to short

    circuit her resistance shunt. Fully excited Millie Amp screamed "Ohm!

    Ohm! Ohm!"  With his tube operating at a maximum and her field vibrating with

    his current flow, it caused her shunt to overheat and Micro Farad was

    rapidly discharged and drained of every electron.  They fluxed all

    night trying various connections and sockets until his magnet had a soft

    core and lost all of its field strength.  Afterwards, Millie Amp tried

    self induction and damaged her solenoid. With his battery fully discharged

    Micro Farad was unable to excite her field, so they spent the rest of the

    night reversing polarity and blowing each others fuses.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As long as you do what you love and love what you do

    You'll be okay.

    Everything in life is a transaction: sometimes you pay with money, sometimes you pay with time, usually you pay both time and money.

  32. HKmk23

    at least

    he admits his difference is small

  33. HmmmYes Silver badge

    I gave up being a rent boy to write javascript.

    I scrub myself so hard after every day at work that I bleed ...

    I just cant get the dirt of me ...

  34. Andrew Moore Silver badge

    Okay, not the sex work industry...

    But I've noticed a huge number of IT people in craft food and drink- brewing, distilling, cheesemaking, baking, choclate...

  35. David Roberts Silver badge
    Coat

    IT people in chocolate....

    .....oh, baby!!!

  36. Paul 195
    Paris Hilton

    Am I the only person to think this article was kind of cheap clickbait? With a very tenuous link to IT? AdmIttedly, it didn't stop me reading it.

  37. Potemkine! Silver badge

    Plugged

    Looking at the standard IT guy (https://blog.decisions.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/IT-Guy.jpg), I guess his clients are real perverts ^^

  38. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    What if the client / customer / whatever needs their laptop repaired and a good seeing to themselves? Does he lower his rate while doing the IT work?

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    IT fantasy world

    non of these comments ring true.I bet nobody posting has even seen a woman's thing.

  40. Ian 55

    He may describe himself as a 'straight male escort'

    .. but if he's not doing men he is very, very unusual.

    The leading sexual health clinic in London for male sex workers sees many, many hundreds of them. The last time I saw the figures, exactly three only had female clients. Not very many more (I think it was low teens) had ANY female clients.

    The best book by one spends about nineteen chapters talking about female clients and then, in the last one, says 'oh, yeah, most of my clients were men' - but that's not what the media wants to hear about.

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